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As a 30-year-old, should I prioritize SIP or lump sum investment in mutual funds?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 19, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Pappachan Question by Pappachan on Oct 19, 2024Hindi
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In mutual fund investments sip or one time investment which is beneficial with reason

Ans: Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Advantages:

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIP spreads investments over time, helping you buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.
Reduced Risk: It reduces market timing risks by investing regularly, especially in volatile markets.
Discipline: Encourages regular, disciplined investing, which helps build wealth over the long term.
Flexibility: You can start with small amounts and increase gradually.
When to Choose:

If you have regular income and want to invest consistently.

If you want to mitigate market timing risks.

One-Time (Lump Sum) Investment
Advantages:

Higher Returns in Bull Markets: If the market is rising, a one-time investment can generate higher returns compared to SIP.
Immediate Compounding: The entire amount starts compounding from day one, potentially giving better long-term returns.
Lower Transaction Costs: Less frequent buying reduces transaction charges.
Risks:

Market Timing Risk: Investing a large amount during market highs can reduce your potential returns if the market falls.
Volatility Impact: Lump sum investments are more exposed to short-term market volatility.
When to Choose:

If you have a large amount to invest and the market is favorable.

If you have a high-risk appetite and can handle market fluctuations.

Which is Better?
SIP: Ideal for regular income earners or those wanting to invest in volatile markets over time. It balances risk and returns.

Lump Sum: Better if you have a large amount ready to invest and you believe the market will perform well in the short term.

Ultimately, the choice depends on your financial situation and market conditions. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you based on your goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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Sir which SIP will be best for investment?
Ans: Choosing the best SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) involves evaluating several factors to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Understanding SIP
SIP is a method of investing a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. It offers the benefit of disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging.

Assessing Your Investment Goals
Before selecting an SIP, it's essential to define your investment goals.

Are you saving for retirement, a child's education, or buying a house?

Evaluating Risk Tolerance
Your risk tolerance determines the type of funds you should invest in.

Are you comfortable with high risk for potentially high returns, or do you prefer stability?

Time Horizon
Your investment horizon influences the type of mutual funds you should choose.

A longer time horizon allows for more aggressive investments.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market.

Advantages Over Index Funds
Higher Returns: Actively managed funds aim to beat the market index, potentially offering higher returns.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Diversification: These funds often have a diversified portfolio to mitigate risk.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Flexibility: Index funds strictly track an index, limiting flexibility.

No Outperformance: They aim to match, not outperform, the index.

Market Cap Bias: These funds are heavily weighted towards large-cap stocks, which might not always offer the best returns.

Types of Funds for SIP
Equity Funds
Equity funds invest primarily in stocks. They offer high growth potential and are suitable for long-term investments.

Large Cap Funds
These funds invest in large, well-established companies. They offer stability and moderate growth.

Mid Cap Funds
These funds invest in mid-sized companies. They have higher growth potential but come with increased risk.

Small Cap Funds
These funds focus on smaller companies. They can offer substantial returns but with higher volatility.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They offer stability and regular income.

Short-Term Debt Funds
Suitable for conservative investors seeking stable returns in the short term.

Long-Term Debt Funds
Offer higher returns but with increased interest rate risk.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds combine equity and debt investments. They offer a balanced approach, providing both growth potential and stability.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically manage the allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions.

Choosing the Right SIP
Factors to Consider
Fund Performance: Look at the fund's historical performance and compare it with benchmarks.

Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios can improve net returns.

Fund Manager’s Track Record: A skilled and experienced fund manager can significantly impact the fund's performance.

Risk-Return Profile: Ensure the fund’s risk profile matches your risk tolerance.

Suggested Categories for SIP
Large Cap Equity Funds: For stability and moderate returns.

Mid Cap Equity Funds: For higher growth potential with moderate risk.

Small Cap Equity Funds: For aggressive growth with higher risk.

Balanced Advantage Funds: For a balanced approach between equity and debt.

Short-Term Debt Funds: For conservative investors seeking stable returns.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Advice: A CFP provides tailored investment strategies based on your goals and risk profile.

Holistic Planning: They consider your entire financial situation and future needs.

Expert Guidance: Benefit from their market knowledge and experience in managing investments.

Conclusion
Choosing the best SIP depends on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Consider a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, along with hybrid funds, for a balanced and diversified portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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hi Sir, I want to investment in mutual funds through SIP or direct. pls advise
Ans: Your interest in mutual funds for systematic investment plans (SIPs) is a smart move towards financial stability. Let's explore the benefits of regular funds and the drawbacks of direct funds to help you make an informed decision.

Firstly, I commend you for taking proactive steps towards managing your finances. Your willingness to seek advice demonstrates a commitment to long-term financial success.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Guidance
Regular funds offer the advantage of professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). This expertise can be invaluable in selecting the right funds tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Regular Monitoring
Investing through regular funds ensures your portfolio is regularly monitored and rebalanced by professionals. This helps in adapting to market changes and optimizing returns.

Simplified Process
With regular funds, the investment process is simplified. A CFP helps manage documentation, track performance, and make necessary adjustments, saving you time and effort.

Tailored Advice
A CFP provides tailored advice based on your financial situation and goals. This personalized approach helps in selecting the best funds and strategies for your specific needs.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Guidance
Investing in direct funds means managing your investments without professional help. This can be challenging, especially if you lack financial expertise or time to monitor your investments closely.

Increased Risk
Without professional guidance, the risk of making uninformed decisions increases. This can lead to poor fund selection, inadequate diversification, and suboptimal returns.

Complexity
Managing direct funds requires a good understanding of market trends, fund performance, and economic indicators. This complexity can be overwhelming and may result in missed opportunities or mistakes.

Time-Consuming
Monitoring and rebalancing your portfolio in direct funds can be time-consuming. Without professional support, you must stay updated on market developments and make timely decisions.

Evaluating Your Options
Regular SIPs
By opting for regular SIPs, you benefit from professional management, regular monitoring, and personalized advice. This helps in building a diversified portfolio aligned with your financial goals.

Active Management
Actively managed funds, typically offered through regular investments, aim to outperform the market. A professional fund manager makes strategic decisions to maximize returns, offering an advantage over passive index funds.

Cost Consideration
While regular funds may have slightly higher fees than direct funds, the benefits of professional management, expert advice, and peace of mind often outweigh the costs.

Conclusion
Investing through regular mutual funds offers numerous advantages, including professional guidance, regular monitoring, and tailored advice. The drawbacks of direct funds, such as lack of guidance and increased complexity, highlight the value of regular investments managed by a Certified Financial Planner.

I encourage you to consider these benefits and make an informed decision that aligns with your financial goals. Your proactive approach and willingness to seek advice are commendable steps towards achieving financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

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Sir is it better to invest in stocks or investing through mutual fund sip
Ans: Assessing Direct Stock Investment
Potential for High Returns

Investing directly in stocks can offer high returns.
Stocks can outperform mutual funds over the long term.
Requires Deep Knowledge

Stock investment needs good market knowledge.
You must research and analyse individual companies.
Higher Risk

Stocks can be highly volatile.
There’s a risk of significant losses.
Time-Consuming

Monitoring stock investments requires time and effort.
You need to stay updated with market trends and news.
Benefits of Mutual Fund SIPs
Professional Management

Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers.
They make informed decisions based on market analysis.
Diversification

Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio.
This reduces the risk compared to investing in individual stocks.
Convenience and Discipline

SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) offer convenience.
They instill financial discipline by regular investments.
Lower Risk

Mutual funds spread risk across multiple stocks.
They are less volatile compared to individual stocks.
Evaluating Your Investment Style
Risk Tolerance

Assess your risk tolerance before deciding.
Stocks are high-risk, high-reward; mutual funds offer balanced risk.
Time and Knowledge

Consider the time you can dedicate to investment research.
Mutual funds require less time and knowledge.
Investment Goals

Define your financial goals and time horizon.
Mutual funds can align better with long-term goals.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Guidance

Direct funds lack professional advice.
DIY approach might not suit everyone.
Time-Consuming

Requires constant monitoring and knowledge.
Might not be feasible for busy professionals.
Risk of Suboptimal Choices

Higher risk of choosing inappropriate funds.
Can lead to lower returns.
Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Advice

Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials offers professional guidance.
Better fund selection and portfolio management.
Time-Saving

CFP handles the research and monitoring.
Saves you time and effort.
Optimized Returns

Expert advice leads to better investment choices.
Potentially higher returns compared to direct funds.
Final Insights
Investing in stocks can offer high returns but comes with high risk and requires time and knowledge. Mutual fund SIPs, on the other hand, offer professional management, diversification, and convenience, making them a safer and more suitable option for most investors.

Consider your risk tolerance, time, and investment goals before deciding. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can help tailor a strategy that suits your needs and maximizes returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
Ans: Priyanshi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
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Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
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Step 3: Select the Round Number
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Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

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