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Nikunj

Nikunj Saraf  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2022

Nikunj Saraf has more than five years of experience in financial markets and offers advice about mutual funds. He is vice president at Choice Wealth, a financial institution that offers broking, insurance, loans and government advisory services. Saraf, who is a member of the Institute Of Chartered Accountants of India, has a strong base in financial markets and wealth management.... more
Micheal Question by Micheal on Oct 10, 2022Hindi
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Good morning, I am 32 years old and my risk profile is some what extremely high. Currently I am invested around 6.5L through SIP and one time, details are below.

Axis Small Cap - 1,12,500 SIP - 12,500

Axis Mid Cap - 1,12,500 SIP - 12,500

ICICI Pru Small - 97,000 recently switched from ICICI Pru Technology fund

Mirae Asset Global X AI & Technology ETF - 1,00,000 bought in NFO

Mirae Asset Global Electric and Autonomous vehicle ETF - 1,00,000 bought in NFO

Canara Robeco Small Cap - 65,000 SIP-5,000

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap - 45,000 SIP-5,000

SBI Small Cap - 15,000 SIP-5,000

Currently holding 4 Small Cap funds which I keep for tracking for 2 years to see the performance, based on performance may I withdraw and invest in other.

Target: 2-3 Cr in 10-13 years, and more than 10 Cr for wealth creation for retirement.

Planned to add additional 10k SIP, which fund I can increase SIP amount that I am holding or to focus any ELSS fund?

Any modification to be done in current holdings? Your advice please, thank you in advance.

Have a Great Day 

Ans: Hello Micheal Selvam. Based on your portfolio, it is evident that you enjoy taking risks when it comes to investments. Although the selection is good, I would still recommend diversifying the risks.

Currently, majority of your investments are at aggressive risk. Consider adding low & moderate-risk funds to your portfolio, since any market changes will first affect midcap and smallcap funds. To remain prepared for any future effects, it is important to maintain your portfolio.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10881 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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I am 42yo and started SIP a year ago. My current SIPs (all Direct-G) 1) Mirae Asset ELSS (2000), 2) Quant ELSS (2000), 3) Canara Robeco ELSS (2000), 4) PPFAS ELSS (1500), 5) Nippon Multicap (1500),6) Quant Smallcap (3500), 7) PGIM Midcap (1000), 8) Quant Flexicap (2000), 9) Quant BFSI (5000). Altogether, my monthly SIP amounts to Rs. 20500. Additionally I am contributing 4000/m in NPS. I have a term plan of 25 Lakh, Health Insurance of 25 Lakh, Life Insurance of 6 lakhs. I have an EPF balance of 2 lakhs and contributing. Pls review my SIP portfolio and suggest. I want to stepup my SIP 10% annually. I have a investment horizon of 10 yrs for daughters education and 15 yrs horizon for retirement corpus. I am OK with High Risk considering 10 & 15 yrs horizon. Please suggest funds for an aggressive portfolio to accumulate 1 cr in 10 yrs.
Ans: Your current SIP portfolio seems well-diversified, but you may consider some adjustments to align with your goals and risk appetite. Given your long-term horizon and willingness to take high risk, you can consider the following suggestions:

Increase Allocation to Equity: Since you have a higher risk tolerance, you may consider increasing your allocation to equity funds, especially small-cap and mid-cap funds, which have the potential for higher returns over the long term.

Review ELSS Funds: While ELSS funds offer tax benefits, ensure you're comfortable with the lock-in period. You may want to diversify across different categories within equity funds for better risk management.

Evaluate NPS Contribution: Assess the performance and suitability of NPS vis-a-vis other retirement-focused investment options like equity mutual funds, considering your risk appetite and return expectations.

Regularly Review and Rebalance: Given your investment horizon, regularly review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as necessary. Consider rebalancing your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Consider Professional Advice: Given the complexity of investment decisions and tax implications, consider seeking advice from a certified financial planner who can provide personalized recommendations based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10881 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 40 years old and working in private sector. Current investments in SIP's are UTI index and I Pru next 50 @ 1000/weekly, Nippon Small Cap @ 1500/Weekly also HDFC Mid cap opportunites @ 1000/weekly. I also have monthly SIP's in Canara Robeco Emerging Equities @ 2000,Invesco Multicap @ 2500, Mirae Emerging Bluechip @ 2500, Mirae NYSE Fang ETF FOF @ 5000, Quant Small cap @ 2000, PPFAS flexicap @ 2500, UT Flexi @ 2500. Most of the SIP's have been started in last 2-3 yeasr.
Ans: It's commendable that you've taken proactive steps towards securing your financial future, especially with such a diverse portfolio of SIPs. At 40, you're in a crucial phase of life where every investment decision counts. Your commitment to regular investing reflects a thoughtful approach to wealth accumulation.

With SIPs spread across various sectors, you've embraced the beauty of diversification. But have you ever pondered over whether your current investments truly align with your long-term goals and risk appetite? It's crucial to periodically reassess your portfolio's composition to ensure it remains in sync with your evolving financial aspirations.

Remember, the journey to financial independence is akin to a marathon, not a sprint. Each SIP contribution represents a step forward on this journey, building wealth brick by brick. As a Certified Financial Planner, I appreciate your dedication to securing your financial future and encourage you to continue this journey with wisdom and foresight.

In the vast landscape of investment opportunities, your portfolio reflects a tapestry of choices tailored to your vision. But as with any masterpiece, periodic reflection and adjustment are essential to ensure its continued brilliance. Let's navigate this journey together, crafting a future that's both prosperous and fulfilling, one SIP at a time.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10881 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

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Hi i am 34 years old. I have started a 4 SIP each of 5000?, HDFC midcap opportunity fund direct growth, HDFC Index nifty fifty, Parag parekh flexi fund and Nippon India Small cap fund. Kindly suggest any changes or need to add more sip. I want to retire in next 12 years
Ans: Congratulations on taking proactive steps towards building your retirement corpus through SIP investments. Let's review your current portfolio and make necessary adjustments to align it with your retirement goal in the next 12 years.

Evaluating Your Current SIP Portfolio
Portfolio Composition
You've initiated SIPs in four funds, focusing on mid-cap, index, flexi-cap, and small-cap categories. This shows a well-diversified approach towards wealth creation.

Risk Profile
Your portfolio reflects a moderate to high-risk appetite, with exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds known for their volatility.

Assessing the Need for Changes
Mid-Cap Fund
Advantage: Mid-cap funds have the potential for high growth, suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Consideration: Ensure you're comfortable with the higher risk associated with mid-cap stocks.
Index Fund
Advantage: Index funds offer broad market exposure at low costs, ideal for passive investors.
Consideration: While index funds offer stability, they may not outperform actively managed funds in bull markets.
Flexi-Cap Fund
Advantage: Flexi-cap funds provide flexibility to invest across market caps based on prevailing market conditions.
Consideration: Ensure the fund manager's strategy aligns with your investment goals and risk tolerance.
Small-Cap Fund
Advantage: Small-cap funds have the potential for high growth, but they come with higher volatility.
Consideration: Be prepared for fluctuations in returns and market risks associated with small-cap stocks.
Recommendations for Portfolio Optimization
Rebalancing the Portfolio
Consider rebalancing your portfolio to maintain an optimal asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Assess the current market conditions and performance of individual funds to make informed decisions.
Reviewing Fund Performance
Regularly monitor the performance of your SIP funds and assess their consistency in delivering returns.
Evaluate fund managers' track records, investment strategies, and portfolio compositions to ensure alignment with your goals.
Potential Addition of Debt or Hybrid Funds
Given the aggressive nature of your current portfolio, consider adding debt or hybrid funds to balance risk and provide stability.
Debt funds can provide steady returns with lower volatility, suitable for risk-averse investors approaching retirement.
Benefits of Regular Funds Investing through MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who is also a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) offers several advantages:

Personalized Advice: A CFP can provide tailored investment advice based on your financial goals, risk appetite, and investment horizon.

Portfolio Diversification: A CFP can help you build a diversified investment portfolio aligned with your objectives, spreading risk across various asset classes.

Ongoing Monitoring: With regular reviews and updates, a CFP ensures your investments stay on track to meet your goals.

Conclusion
Your current SIP portfolio demonstrates a proactive approach towards wealth creation for retirement. By reviewing and optimizing your portfolio periodically, you can ensure it remains aligned with your long-term financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to receive personalized guidance and maximize your investment potential.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10881 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Money
Hello, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 daughter (5 years old). I'm investing in following funds & have investment horizon of more than 15 years. 1) SBI Small Cap - 7500 (3Yrs) 2) Axis Small Cap - 4500 (3Yrs) 3) Mirae Asset Large & Midcap Fund - 2500 (4Yrs) 4) Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund - 3000 (3Yrs) 5) SBI Energy Opportunities Fund - 3000 (10Months) I'm planning to Rs. 30,000 more from next months. Can you please suggest in which SIP/ETF I should invest this 30k amount? And any changes I should make in my existing SIP investment? Please provide your valuable feedback.
Ans: Current Portfolio Assessment
Your portfolio has a mix of small-cap, large & mid-cap, ELSS, and thematic funds. Each category serves a different purpose.

Small-Cap Funds (Rs 12,000 per month): These funds have high growth potential but are volatile. A long-term horizon is needed.

Large & Mid-Cap Fund (Rs 2,500 per month): This balances risk and return. It provides stability with mid-cap growth.

ELSS Tax Saver Fund (Rs 3,000 per month): Helps in tax savings under Section 80C. It also has a three-year lock-in period.

Thematic/Energy Fund (Rs 3,000 per month): Sectoral funds are risky. They depend on the performance of a specific industry.

Your overall portfolio has a high allocation to small-cap and thematic funds. This increases risk. A more balanced approach is needed.

Issues in Current Portfolio
Overexposure to Small-Caps: Small-cap funds form a large part of your portfolio. This increases volatility.

Low Diversification: There is no exposure to Flexi-Cap or Multi-Cap funds. These provide stability.

Thematic Fund Allocation: Energy funds are cyclical. Performance may fluctuate based on government policies and global trends.

Low Large-Cap Exposure: Large-caps provide stability. You have no pure large-cap fund.

ELSS Fund Limitation: This is good for tax savings, but you need to check if your 80C limit is already met.

Suggested Changes to Existing SIPs
Reduce Small-Cap Allocation: Reduce one of the small-cap funds and shift the amount to a diversified fund.

Add a Multi-Cap or Flexi-Cap Fund: These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. They provide diversification.

Reduce Thematic Fund Exposure: Limit sectoral funds to a smaller percentage of your portfolio.

Increase Large-Cap Allocation: This will add stability to your portfolio. Large-cap funds perform well in bear markets.

Continue ELSS If Needed: If you need more tax savings, continue. Otherwise, consider shifting to a diversified equity fund.

Where to Invest the Additional Rs 30,000
You should allocate this amount to reduce risk and improve stability. Below is a suggested allocation.

Multi-Cap or Flexi-Cap Fund (Rs 10,000): This ensures diversification across market caps.

Large-Cap Fund (Rs 7,500): Adds stability and reduces overall portfolio risk.

Mid-Cap Fund (Rs 7,500): Mid-caps have high growth potential with moderate risk.

Balanced Advantage Fund (Rs 5,000): These funds adjust equity and debt allocation based on market conditions.

Why Avoid Index Funds and ETFs?
No Fund Manager Expertise: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds over long periods.

Higher Downside Risk in Bear Markets: Index funds mirror the market. Actively managed funds can reduce losses during downturns.

No Flexibility in Market Cycles: Fund managers in active funds can shift allocations based on market conditions.

ETF Liquidity Issues: Buying and selling ETFs depend on market demand. This can impact prices.

Why Invest in Regular Funds via an MFD with CFP Credential?
Expert Guidance: Certified Financial Planners (CFPs) provide tailored investment strategies.

Portfolio Monitoring: MFDs help in reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio.

No DIY Errors: Direct investors often make mistakes in fund selection and exit timing.

Behavioral Coaching: MFDs prevent panic selling during market crashes.

Convenience: MFDs handle paperwork, taxation, and portfolio adjustments.

Final Insights
Reduce small-cap and thematic fund allocation.

Add large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Allocate the new Rs 30,000 in a diversified manner.

Avoid index funds and ETFs for better returns and risk management.

Use regular funds via an MFD with a CFP credential for expert advice.

This strategy will help you build wealth while managing risks.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10881 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear madam, I have SIP in 1.Axis small cap fund 1000 rs 2. Motilal oswal mid cap fund 1000 rs 3. Tata small cap fund 2000 rs. 4. Absl pure value fund 1000 Total investment 5000 per month now its around 2 years in almost each investment sr.no.1 and 3 and total amount invested now is 134000 and value is 145000 as on date.shall increase SIP or shall i diversify with any flexi cap sip. I work in govt organisation i have 15 years of service remaining and have no pention as haven't opted for higher pension of EPF. Kindly guide
Ans: You have done a very good job by starting your SIPs early and continuing them for two years. Many investors delay investing, but you have taken timely action. That discipline will give you a strong financial base for the future. It is also great that you are reviewing your progress and thinking about the next step carefully.

Let’s understand your current portfolio, analyse its position, and see the best way forward from a complete 360-degree perspective.

» Evaluating your present SIP portfolio

You are investing Rs 5,000 per month in four funds — two small-cap, one mid-cap, and one value-oriented fund. This mix focuses heavily on high-growth funds. Such funds can deliver high returns over time but also fluctuate sharply in the short term.

Your total invested amount of Rs 1,34,000 has grown to Rs 1,45,000. This is a fair outcome considering market movements in the last two years. It shows your funds are working fine and your SIP discipline is intact.

However, your portfolio is tilted toward aggressive categories. You need to add stability to balance the overall risk.

» Understanding the role of each fund type

– Small-cap funds invest in small companies with high growth potential but higher risk.
– Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies, balancing risk and reward.
– Value funds invest in undervalued stocks, giving long-term growth when markets recognise their worth.

Your portfolio lacks large-cap or diversified exposure, which can provide steady returns and protect capital when markets are volatile.

» Why adding a flexi-cap fund can help

Adding a flexi-cap fund to your SIP is a smart move. A flexi-cap fund gives the fund manager freedom to invest across large, mid, and small companies depending on market conditions.

When small and mid-cap stocks are expensive or risky, the fund manager can shift more money into large-cap stocks for safety. During growth phases, they can increase mid and small-cap exposure for better returns.

This flexibility ensures smoother performance and reduces the overall volatility in your portfolio.

So, yes, you should add a flexi-cap fund, but don’t stop your existing SIPs. Instead, add this as a stabilising component.

» Deciding whether to increase SIP or diversify

You can do both — increase your total SIP and diversify.

If your income allows, raise your monthly SIP from Rs 5,000 to Rs 7,000 or Rs 8,000. Add Rs 2,000–3,000 into a good actively managed flexi-cap fund. This will balance risk and create a better long-term structure.

Continue your existing SIPs for long-term growth. Don’t stop or switch based on short-term performance. Compounding needs time.

If your salary rises in future, increase SIPs by at least 10% every year. This small habit will make a big difference in your final corpus after 15 years.

» Avoiding index funds for diversification

Some advisors may suggest switching to index funds. But index funds have key disadvantages. They simply follow the market index without any active decision. If the market falls, they also fall fully. There is no protection.

Actively managed funds, guided by skilled fund managers, adjust holdings based on valuation and market trend. They can protect downside better and capture opportunities faster.

For a government employee like you, who seeks long-term stability and consistent growth, actively managed funds are more suitable.

» Focusing on long-term vision

You have 15 years left in service, which is a strong time frame. Over such a long horizon, equity funds — especially a mix of flexi-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap — can build significant wealth.

The key is to stay invested through all market cycles. Don’t stop SIPs during short-term falls. Those times give you more units at cheaper prices, improving long-term returns.

Since you don’t have a pension, these investments will act as your retirement income source. Keep them growing systematically.

» Creating a balanced portfolio structure

You can plan your ideal structure like this:
– 40% in flexi-cap or large-cap funds for stability.
– 30% in mid-cap funds for moderate growth.
– 30% in small-cap and value funds for high growth.

This type of mix gives you both safety and long-term wealth creation. It ensures your portfolio grows smoothly without taking unnecessary risk.

A Certified Financial Planner can help you adjust this ratio based on your comfort and future changes.

» Importance of SIP duration and compounding

The biggest benefit of SIPs comes after 8 to 10 years. Compounding multiplies your returns faster in later years. So, don’t expect big results in the first few years. The early phase builds foundation.

After 15 years, your consistent Rs 8,000 monthly SIP can grow to a substantial corpus, provided you stay invested and avoid frequent changes.

» Managing other savings and safety net

Since you work in a government organisation, your job is stable, which allows steady investing. But still, build a separate emergency fund equal to 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

If you don’t have health insurance yet, please buy one soon. It protects your savings from unexpected medical expenses. Also, continue contributing to EPF or NPS for retirement safety.

These form your foundation. Once safety is ensured, all extra savings can go into mutual funds for wealth creation.

» Reviewing and rebalancing annually

Review your portfolio once every year. Check if your funds are performing consistently compared to their category average.

If any fund lags for two years continuously, you can replace it with a stronger one. Otherwise, continue with the same funds. Frequent switching reduces returns.

A Certified Financial Planner can handle this review for you and ensure your portfolio remains balanced and goal-oriented.

» Why investing through a Certified Financial Planner-backed Mutual Fund Distributor is better

Direct plans may seem cheaper, but they come with no monitoring or guidance. You must take all decisions alone.

When you invest through a Certified Financial Planner, you get professional tracking, portfolio review, and timely advice. They can suggest changes based on your risk, goals, and market trends.

The small cost difference is far less than the benefit of correct decisions and peace of mind. It’s like having a doctor for your financial health.

» Building towards financial freedom

Since you don’t have pension, your goal should be to create your own income stream after retirement.

Continue SIPs with discipline. Increase them as your salary grows. Maintain emergency fund and insurance cover. Avoid loans unless necessary.

If you keep investing regularly for 15 years, your mutual funds can become a solid retirement corpus. You can then set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) later to generate monthly income after retirement.

This approach builds both financial freedom and peace of mind.

» Staying emotionally disciplined

Markets may fluctuate. Don’t get worried if you see temporary falls in small or mid-cap funds. Those phases are part of the journey.

Focus on your long-term goals, not short-term returns. Compounding rewards patience. You will see the real growth after several years of consistency.

» Finally

You have started well and are on the right path. Continue your existing SIPs, add one flexi-cap fund for balance, and increase your total SIP amount gradually. Avoid switching to index funds or chasing trends.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner who can help you review, rebalance, and manage your portfolio from a 360-degree view — including insurance, taxation, and retirement planning.

With your steady job, disciplined investing, and long-term focus, you are building a secure financial future even without pension. Keep the same patience and discipline, and your money will take care of you later.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025
Career
Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure
Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear Madam, I was a bright student during my school days and my plan was to become a civil servant but that did not succeed even after several attempts. With the advise of my brother i went ahead and pursued Masters at a normal university in Sydney. I did internship and continued staying with my job though it wasn't my field of study. After that what came as a shock was my brother's divorce. We don't know what is the actual issue till date but I tried a lot to fix the gap by talking to his ex-wife but they were very orthodox. I couldn't see my brother suffer because he had planned and arranged so much for her. I had no choice then so i try to harm his ex-wife by spoiling her reputation thinking she will come back for him. In the mean time i got married to a girl who was her relative too thinking my wife can help us in some case but she turned out to be completely in the opposite direction. She was probably convinced by my brother's ex-wife or their relatives that she is not coming back. Even then my brother tried to go meet his ex-wife through many channels. My wife did not help him at all in any aspect. Finally the divorced happened and everything ended. Now we have sought several proposals but nothing seem to be a good fit for him. Most of the girls whom we met on matrimonial sites are fake profiles with something hidden or falsely represented. I would say my brother escaped all this. But we are worried about his life now as he is already in his 40's and he seem to be struggling for a good job and finance. He is very picky probably but doesn't talk much to all of us. Sometimes he even says the game is over so no point looking at a second marriage. My wife and he fought once when he visited us because she didn't want him in our house and she created a fight putting me in the front. After that he stopped coming to our house or see us or talk to us. Things even gets worse sometimes when her brother comes and visits us and stays at our house which my parents don't like. My parents argue that your brother was not allowed to stay for few months then how come her brother is allowed for several months. What kind of partiality is that? I feel i could not do anything for him despite the fact that he is my only brother. He is good at heart and looked after me when i went abroad financially and even came to meet me few times. I tried to send him money, gifts but he is still the same. He communicates with our parents but not with me nor my wife anymore. Kindly give us a good advise.
Ans: Your brother’s distance is not a rejection of you. It is his way of protecting himself. He went through a difficult marriage, an emotional collapse, and then watched people around him — including you — react out of desperation to fix things for him. Even though your intentions came from love, he may have associated those actions with more pain and pressure. When a person has been wounded, silence feels safer than conversation. His withdrawal simply means he is tired, not that he dislikes you.
You also need to understand that the guilt you are carrying is heavier than it needs to be. You tried to intervene in his marriage because you wanted to protect him, not because you wanted to cause harm. Looking back now, with more maturity and clarity, you see the mistakes, but at that time, you were acting out of fear and love. This is why it’s important to forgive yourself instead of punishing yourself over and over.
The conflict between your wife and your brother only added another layer of stress, because it forced you into choosing sides. Your wife reacted emotionally, your brother pulled away, your parents questioned the imbalance — and in the middle of all this, you lost your sense of peace. But their disagreements are not failures on your part. They are the natural result of people operating from insecurity, fear, and past hurt.
What needs to happen now is a shift in your role. You cannot continue trying to solve everything for everyone. You cannot carry your brother’s marriage, your wife’s fears, and your parents’ judgments all at once. It’s time to step out of the role of rescuer and step into the role of a grounded, calm brother who offers presence, not solutions.
Rebuilding your bond with your brother will not come from pushing proposals, sending gifts, or trying to fix his life. It will come from offering him emotional safety. A simple message, expressing that you are sorry for any hurt, that you care for him, and that you are available whenever he feels ready, will speak louder than any effort to arrange his future. Once you send such a message, the healthiest thing you can do is give him space. Sometimes relationships repair themselves in silence, when pressure is removed.
And for yourself, healing begins when you stop believing that every problem in the family rests on your shoulders. You have given more than enough over the years. Now you deserve emotional rest. You deserve peace. You deserve to feel like a brother, not a crisis manager.
Your brother may take time, but distance does not erase love. When he feels safe, he will come closer again. Your responsibility is not to force that moment, but to make sure you are emotionally steady and ready when it happens.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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