Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Jinal

Jinal Mehta  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

Jinal Mehta is a qualified certified financial professional certified by FPSB India. She has 10 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
She is the founder of Beyond Learning Finance, an authorised education provider for the CFP certification programme in India.
In addition, she manages a family office organisation, where she handles investment planning, tax planning, insurance planning and estate planning.
Jinal has a bachelor's degree in management studies. She also has a diploma in in financial management from NMIMS, Mumbai.
... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Sir, I m 39 yr women, I have 1 lac per month salary. I have 5 lac in sip, 4 lac in stock, around 5 lac in lic. I want to plan retirement at 47 age with atleast 5 cr Pls advise

Ans: hi.. Without evaluating your financial health, I will not able to give you a concrete answer to this question. I can suggest you can allocate a specific amount tagged to your retirement goal alone.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello Sir, My current age is 45 yrs & take home salary is 1.5 Lacs , i want to retire at the age of 60 with 5cr corpuses..please suggest SIPs & MF
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards retirement planning. Achieving a corpus of 5 crores by the age of 60 is an ambitious yet achievable goal with proper planning and disciplined investing. Here are some suggestions for SIPs and mutual funds to help you work towards your retirement goal:

Determine Investment Amount:
Start by assessing how much you can comfortably invest each month towards your retirement goal. Since you're aiming for a substantial corpus, consider maximizing your SIP contributions to the extent possible.
Selecting SIPs:
Opt for a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across various categories such as large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds.
Allocate your SIP investments based on your risk tolerance, time horizon, and investment objectives.
Consider SIPs with a consistent track record of delivering above-average returns over the long term.
Recommended Mutual Funds:
Large-cap funds: These funds invest in established companies with stable track records and are relatively less volatile.
Mid-cap and small-cap funds: These funds have the potential to generate higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility. Invest in them cautiously.
Flexi-cap funds: These funds offer flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on market conditions and fund manager's discretion.
Consider SIPs in reputable mutual fund schemes with a proven track record of wealth creation and consistent performance.
Consultation and Review:
It's essential to periodically review your investment portfolio and make adjustments based on changing market conditions, financial goals, and risk appetite.
Consider consulting with a certified financial planner who can assess your financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals to provide personalized recommendations.
Discipline and Patience:
Remember that achieving long-term financial goals like retirement requires discipline, patience, and regular monitoring of your investments.
Stay committed to your SIPs, avoid succumbing to short-term market fluctuations, and focus on the long-term growth potential of your investments.
By adhering to a systematic investment approach, diversifying your portfolio, and staying focused on your retirement objective, you can work towards building a substantial corpus of 5 crores by the time you retire at the age of 60.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 45 year old .I have 11 lac in mutual fund 10 lac in stock market.5 lac in saving account 2 lac in pf . Monthly earning is 60 thousand per month.Please guide me for retirement planning at age 60.
Ans: You’re 45 and have a good start on your savings. Planning for retirement at 60 is essential. You have Rs. 11 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs. 10 lakhs in stocks, Rs. 5 lakhs in a savings account, and Rs. 2 lakhs in PF. Your monthly income is Rs. 60,000. Let's guide you towards a secure and comfortable retirement.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Reviewing Your Investments
You have a diverse portfolio spread across various asset classes. Here’s a quick breakdown:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 11 lakhs.
Stocks: Rs. 10 lakhs.
Savings Account: Rs. 5 lakhs.
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 2 lakhs.
This diversification is commendable. It provides a mix of growth potential and safety. However, aligning these investments with your retirement goals is crucial.

Monthly Income and Expenses
You earn Rs. 60,000 per month. Understanding your monthly expenses and how they might change over time is critical for retirement planning. Estimating these costs will help in planning how much you need to save and invest.

Setting Retirement Goals
Estimating Retirement Corpus
To retire comfortably, it’s important to estimate how much you’ll need. Consider factors like:

Longevity: Plan for at least 25-30 years of retirement.
Inflation: Costs will rise over time, so your corpus should outpace inflation.
Lifestyle: Determine the kind of lifestyle you want during retirement.
Monthly Income Needs Post-Retirement
Calculate the monthly income you’ll need in retirement. This includes basic living expenses, healthcare, leisure activities, and unexpected costs. Typically, retirees aim to replace 70-80% of their pre-retirement income to maintain their lifestyle.

Evaluating Your Current Assets
Mutual Funds: Growth and Stability
You have Rs. 11 lakhs in mutual funds. Mutual funds offer professional management and diversification. They are a great way to grow your wealth and provide a balanced approach between risk and return.

Advantages:

Diversification: Spread across different sectors and companies, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Managed by experts who can adapt to market changes.
Compounding Power: Long-term investments benefit from compounding, growing your wealth over time.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell, offering flexibility.
Recommendation:

Continue to invest in mutual funds, focusing on a mix of equity and balanced funds. This mix can provide growth and stability as you approach retirement. Actively managed funds are preferred over index funds because fund managers actively select stocks and adjust portfolios to maximize returns and minimize risks.

Stocks: High Growth Potential but Risky
Your Rs. 10 lakhs in stocks can grow significantly but are also volatile. Stocks can offer high returns but come with higher risks. Market fluctuations can affect their value, especially in the short term.

Advantages:

High Growth Potential: Stocks can provide substantial returns over time.
Ownership: Owning stocks means having a stake in companies, which can be rewarding if they perform well.
Disadvantages:

Volatility: Prices can fluctuate widely, affecting short-term value.
Time-Consuming: Managing a stock portfolio requires time and expertise.
Recommendation:

Gradually shift from direct stocks to mutual funds as you near retirement. Mutual funds managed by experts can provide the growth of equities with less risk and active management.

Savings Account: Safe but Low Returns
Your Rs. 5 lakhs in a savings account offer safety and liquidity but low returns. While it’s good for emergencies, it won’t grow much over time.

Advantages:

Safety: Funds are secure with minimal risk.
Liquidity: Easily accessible for immediate needs.
Disadvantages:

Low Returns: Typically, returns are lower than inflation, eroding purchasing power.
Recommendation:

Keep a portion for emergencies but consider moving some funds into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds or fixed deposits for better returns.

Provident Fund: Secure and Tax-Efficient
Your Rs. 2 lakhs in PF provide a stable and tax-efficient investment. PF is a great way to save for retirement, offering safety and guaranteed returns.

Advantages:

Safety: Backed by the government, providing stable returns.
Tax Benefits: Contributions and interest earned are tax-exempt.
Recommendation:

Continue contributing to your PF. It’s a reliable source of income for retirement and provides long-term stability.

Building Your Retirement Corpus
Increasing Your Savings and Investments
To build your retirement corpus, consider the following steps:

Increase Your Monthly Savings: Aim to save at least 20-30% of your income.
Automate Investments: Set up automatic transfers to your investment accounts.
Utilize Bonuses and Windfalls: Direct any extra income towards your retirement savings.
Diversifying Your Investments
Diversification reduces risk and can enhance returns. Spread your investments across different asset classes like equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This approach balances growth and stability.

Asset Allocation: Balancing Risk and Return
Asset allocation is crucial for optimizing your portfolio. Here’s a suggested allocation for your age and risk tolerance:

Equity (Stocks and Mutual Funds): 60-70% for growth.
Debt (PF, Bonds, FD): 20-30% for stability.
Cash and Savings: 10-20% for liquidity.
As you get closer to retirement, gradually shift from equities to more stable investments to preserve capital.

Utilizing Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Benefits of SIPs
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are an excellent way to invest regularly and benefit from rupee cost averaging. They allow you to invest a fixed amount in mutual funds regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Advantages:

Discipline: Encourages regular investing habits.
Cost Averaging: Buys more units when prices are low and fewer when high, averaging the cost.
Compounding: Small regular investments grow significantly over time.
Recommendation:

Set up SIPs in mutual funds to automate your investments and build a substantial retirement corpus over time.

Managing Risks and Uncertainties
Insuring Against Risks
Consider taking adequate life and health insurance to protect against unforeseen events. Insurance provides financial security and ensures your family’s well-being.

Life Insurance: Provides financial support to your family in case of your untimely demise.

Health Insurance: Covers medical expenses, protecting your savings from unexpected healthcare costs.

Recommendation:

Evaluate your insurance needs and ensure you have sufficient coverage to protect your family and assets.

Planning for Emergencies
Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will safeguard you against job loss, medical emergencies, or other unexpected costs.

Recommendation:

Keep your emergency fund in a savings account or liquid mutual funds for easy access and safety.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you create a comprehensive retirement plan. They assess your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance to develop a strategy tailored to your needs.

Advantages:

Expertise: Professional knowledge and experience in financial planning.
Personalized Strategy: A plan designed to meet your specific goals and circumstances.
Ongoing Support: Regular reviews and adjustments to keep your plan on track.
Recommendation:

Consult with a CFP to get a detailed analysis and personalized retirement plan. They can guide you in optimizing your investments and ensuring a secure retirement.

Final Insights
At 45, you have a solid foundation for retirement planning. To retire comfortably at 60, focus on increasing your savings and diversifying your investments. Gradually shift from direct stocks to mutual funds for growth with professional management. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for emergencies and continue contributing to your PF.

Set up SIPs to automate your investments and benefit from rupee cost averaging. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance to protect against risks. Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.

Working with a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with expert guidance and a personalized strategy to achieve your retirement goals. They can help you navigate the complexities of financial planning and ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

Listen
Money
I am 40 years old. I have 3 plots worth 40 lakhs, 10 lacs in MF, 8 lacs in PPF, 6 lacs in SSY. I have two daughters of 8 years and 3 years. My current salary is 1 lac per month.I want retirement at 50 with 1 lac per month regular income.
Ans: You have a solid foundation. Your assets include three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs, Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 8 lakhs in PPF, and Rs 6 lakhs in SSY. Your monthly salary is Rs 1 lakh. Your goal is to retire at 50 with a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh.

Assessing Existing Investments
Real Estate Holdings

You have three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs. Real estate can be a stable asset. However, it's less liquid. You may consider keeping these plots for long-term appreciation. Avoid additional real estate investments for diversification.

Mutual Funds

You have Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds. Actively managed funds are beneficial. They offer better returns than index funds due to expert management. Direct funds lack personalized advice. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures guidance and higher returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

You have Rs 8 lakhs in PPF. PPF is a secure, long-term investment. It offers tax benefits and decent returns. Continue investing in PPF for risk-free growth.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)

You have Rs 6 lakhs in SSY for your daughters. This scheme offers high interest rates and tax benefits. Continue contributions for your daughters’ future needs.

Retirement Planning
To achieve your goal, you need a strategy. Here are the key steps:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Increase monthly SIPs in actively managed funds.
Aim for a diversified portfolio of equity, debt, and balanced funds.
Consult a CFP for personalized fund selection.
Maximize PPF Contributions

Max out your PPF contributions annually.
Benefit from the compound interest and tax savings.
Consider SSY for Daughters

Keep contributing to SSY for long-term benefits.
This will secure their education and marriage expenses.
Future Contributions and Savings
Monthly Savings Allocation

Increase your savings rate. Aim for 30-40% of your income.
Allocate funds to PPF, SSY, and mutual funds.
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.
Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid fund.
Insurance Needs
Life Insurance

Ensure adequate life insurance coverage.
Term insurance is a cost-effective option.
Coverage should be at least 10 times your annual income.
Health Insurance

Have a comprehensive health insurance plan for your family.
Ensure it covers all major illnesses and hospitalization expenses.
Tax Planning
Tax-Saving Investments

Utilize tax-saving options like ELSS, PPF, and SSY.
This will reduce your taxable income and enhance savings.
Final Insights
Your current financial position is strong. With focused planning, you can achieve your retirement goal. Prioritize diversified investments, tax planning, and insurance. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This approach will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 49 yrs old having wife (homemaker) and one son 13 yrs. I want to retire by age of 55 yrs. I have adequate health Insurance for family also have company health insurance. I have PPF 20 lacs approx., MF 30 lacs, Rental income 25K monthly, Direct Equity 50K, Emergency FD 2 lacs. Have 11 yrs remaining on housing loan EMI 25K. My in hand salary is 1.10K monthly. I want to get 1 lac per month after retirement. Please advice.
Ans: You have done well to build a strong financial base. Your savings and investments are diverse, and you also have rental income to support your retirement. Let's break down your current assets and liabilities:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 20 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 30 lakhs
Rental Income: Rs 25,000 monthly
Direct Equity: Rs 50,000
Emergency Fixed Deposit: Rs 2 lakhs
Home Loan: 11 years remaining with an EMI of Rs 25,000
Monthly Salary: Rs 1.10 lakhs in hand
You also mentioned having adequate health insurance for your family, which is essential for financial security.

Retirement Goal: Rs 1 Lakh Per Month
You plan to retire at the age of 55, and your goal is to generate Rs 1 lakh per month after retirement. Let's now assess how to achieve that.

Assessment of Income and Expenses Post-Retirement
You will continue to receive Rs 25,000 per month from rental income. Therefore, the remaining Rs 75,000 per month will need to come from your investments.

Your current home loan is an ongoing liability, with an EMI of Rs 25,000. It would be ideal to explore prepayment options or at least ensure that this EMI doesn’t stretch too far into your retirement.

Now let’s focus on optimizing your investments and income sources.

Evaluate Your Investments
Your portfolio is quite diversified, with investments in PPF, mutual funds, direct equity, and a fixed deposit for emergencies. However, some adjustments may be needed to generate a regular income of Rs 75,000 per month after retirement.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
The current PPF balance of Rs 20 lakhs is a safe and tax-efficient investment.
Continue contributing to PPF, but remember that its lock-in period and lower liquidity make it less ideal for regular income.
Mutual Funds
Your Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds will play a crucial role in achieving your retirement income goals.
Since mutual funds have the potential for higher returns, maintaining and growing this corpus is important.
You can opt for a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) post-retirement. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly without depleting the principal too fast.
Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds. Focus on actively managed funds rather than index funds, as actively managed funds can potentially outperform in the long term.
Direct Equity
Your Rs 50,000 in direct equity is a small portion of your portfolio.
Direct equity investments can be volatile, and since the amount is relatively small, you might not want to rely on it for regular income.
Consider shifting a portion of this to mutual funds for better risk management through professional fund managers. Regular funds managed by mutual fund distributors (MFDs) who are certified financial planners (CFPs) are often better for long-term growth.
Fixed Deposit for Emergencies
Your Rs 2 lakh fixed deposit is useful as an emergency buffer.
Keep this fund intact and do not use it for income generation. It's always wise to have 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in liquid, easily accessible funds.
Home Loan Strategy
The EMI of Rs 25,000 per month is a significant expense. With 11 years left on the loan, this will continue well into your retirement unless paid off earlier. Here's what you can consider:

Prepaying the loan: If feasible, use some of your current salary or rental income to prepay a portion of the home loan. Reducing this liability before retirement will ease the financial burden later.
If prepaying is not possible, ensure that your post-retirement income can comfortably cover the EMI.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Assuming you need Rs 75,000 per month from your investments (since Rs 25,000 will come from rent), you will need to build a sufficient corpus by the time you retire. The corpus should be able to generate this amount through systematic withdrawals and interest income.

With inflation and other factors in mind, a rough estimate suggests that you will need a retirement corpus of around Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore to safely generate Rs 75,000 per month. Let's now explore how to build this corpus over the next six years.

Investment Strategies to Build Your Retirement Corpus
Increase Contributions to Mutual Funds
Currently, you have Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds. Over the next six years, this can grow significantly, depending on market conditions.
Consider increasing your monthly contributions to mutual funds. This will help you build a larger corpus by the time you retire.
Opt for equity-focused mutual funds for long-term growth. Equities tend to outperform other asset classes over longer periods.
Keep a balance between mid-cap, small-cap, and large-cap funds to optimize your returns. Avoid index funds as they may provide lower returns compared to actively managed funds.
Use Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) will help you build your corpus in a disciplined manner.
By investing regularly, you will also benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps mitigate the impact of market volatility.
Avoid Direct Equity for Regular Income
Direct equity investments can be unpredictable and volatile. Since your goal is to generate regular income, avoid relying on direct equity.
Shift a portion of your direct equity investments into safer options like mutual funds managed by professionals. Regular mutual funds, managed by MFDs who are certified financial planners (CFPs), provide more stability and better risk management compared to direct equity or index funds.
Rental Income and Real Estate
Your Rs 25,000 rental income will be a steady source of income post-retirement.
Consider increasing the rent periodically to keep up with inflation.
Inflation and Rising Costs
It’s crucial to factor in inflation when planning for retirement. While you might need Rs 1 lakh per month today, the cost of living will rise in the future. Therefore, building a larger corpus than initially expected is always a good strategy.

Your rental income and systematic withdrawals from your mutual funds should help mitigate the impact of inflation, but do review your plan every few years to ensure you're on track.

Additional Considerations for Retirement Planning
Emergency Fund
You have an emergency FD of Rs 2 lakhs, which is a good start. However, as you get closer to retirement, it may be worth increasing this to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This way, you won’t need to dip into your retirement savings for any urgent needs.

Health Insurance
You mentioned having adequate health insurance, including company-provided coverage. After retirement, you won’t have employer-provided coverage. Therefore, consider enhancing your health insurance coverage before you retire. This will protect you and your family from any unexpected medical expenses post-retirement.

Taxation of Investments
Your post-retirement income will be subject to taxation. Here’s a quick overview of how your investments will be taxed:

Rental Income: Taxed as per your income tax slab.
Mutual Funds (Equity): Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
PPF: Interest earned is tax-free.
Fixed Deposit Interest: Taxed as per your income tax slab.
Ensure that your withdrawals and income sources are tax-efficient. A certified financial planner can help you optimize your tax liability in retirement.

Finally
You are on the right path toward a comfortable retirement. With a few strategic adjustments, you can achieve your goal of Rs 1 lakh per month after retirement. Focus on growing your mutual fund investments and paying down your home loan, while also keeping a strong emergency fund in place.

By maintaining a well-diversified portfolio and periodically reviewing your plan, you will be well-prepared for your retirement at 55.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x