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Jinal

Jinal Mehta  |94 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

Jinal Mehta is a qualified certified financial professional certified by FPSB India. She has 10 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
She is the founder of Beyond Learning Finance, an authorised education provider for the CFP certification programme in India.
In addition, she manages a family office organisation, where she handles investment planning, tax planning, insurance planning and estate planning.
Jinal has a bachelor's degree in management studies. She also has a diploma in in financial management from NMIMS, Mumbai.
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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I m 39 yr women, I have 1 lac per month salary. I have 5 lac in sip, 4 lac in stock, around 5 lac in lic. I want to plan retirement at 47 age with atleast 5 cr Pls advise

Ans: hi.. Without evaluating your financial health, I will not able to give you a concrete answer to this question. I can suggest you can allocate a specific amount tagged to your retirement goal alone.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, My current age is 45 yrs & take home salary is 1.5 Lacs , i want to retire at the age of 60 with 5cr corpuses..please suggest SIPs & MF
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards retirement planning. Achieving a corpus of 5 crores by the age of 60 is an ambitious yet achievable goal with proper planning and disciplined investing. Here are some suggestions for SIPs and mutual funds to help you work towards your retirement goal:

Determine Investment Amount:
Start by assessing how much you can comfortably invest each month towards your retirement goal. Since you're aiming for a substantial corpus, consider maximizing your SIP contributions to the extent possible.
Selecting SIPs:
Opt for a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across various categories such as large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds.
Allocate your SIP investments based on your risk tolerance, time horizon, and investment objectives.
Consider SIPs with a consistent track record of delivering above-average returns over the long term.
Recommended Mutual Funds:
Large-cap funds: These funds invest in established companies with stable track records and are relatively less volatile.
Mid-cap and small-cap funds: These funds have the potential to generate higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility. Invest in them cautiously.
Flexi-cap funds: These funds offer flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on market conditions and fund manager's discretion.
Consider SIPs in reputable mutual fund schemes with a proven track record of wealth creation and consistent performance.
Consultation and Review:
It's essential to periodically review your investment portfolio and make adjustments based on changing market conditions, financial goals, and risk appetite.
Consider consulting with a certified financial planner who can assess your financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals to provide personalized recommendations.
Discipline and Patience:
Remember that achieving long-term financial goals like retirement requires discipline, patience, and regular monitoring of your investments.
Stay committed to your SIPs, avoid succumbing to short-term market fluctuations, and focus on the long-term growth potential of your investments.
By adhering to a systematic investment approach, diversifying your portfolio, and staying focused on your retirement objective, you can work towards building a substantial corpus of 5 crores by the time you retire at the age of 60.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 45 year old .I have 11 lac in mutual fund 10 lac in stock market.5 lac in saving account 2 lac in pf . Monthly earning is 60 thousand per month.Please guide me for retirement planning at age 60.
Ans: You’re 45 and have a good start on your savings. Planning for retirement at 60 is essential. You have Rs. 11 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs. 10 lakhs in stocks, Rs. 5 lakhs in a savings account, and Rs. 2 lakhs in PF. Your monthly income is Rs. 60,000. Let's guide you towards a secure and comfortable retirement.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Reviewing Your Investments
You have a diverse portfolio spread across various asset classes. Here’s a quick breakdown:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 11 lakhs.
Stocks: Rs. 10 lakhs.
Savings Account: Rs. 5 lakhs.
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 2 lakhs.
This diversification is commendable. It provides a mix of growth potential and safety. However, aligning these investments with your retirement goals is crucial.

Monthly Income and Expenses
You earn Rs. 60,000 per month. Understanding your monthly expenses and how they might change over time is critical for retirement planning. Estimating these costs will help in planning how much you need to save and invest.

Setting Retirement Goals
Estimating Retirement Corpus
To retire comfortably, it’s important to estimate how much you’ll need. Consider factors like:

Longevity: Plan for at least 25-30 years of retirement.
Inflation: Costs will rise over time, so your corpus should outpace inflation.
Lifestyle: Determine the kind of lifestyle you want during retirement.
Monthly Income Needs Post-Retirement
Calculate the monthly income you’ll need in retirement. This includes basic living expenses, healthcare, leisure activities, and unexpected costs. Typically, retirees aim to replace 70-80% of their pre-retirement income to maintain their lifestyle.

Evaluating Your Current Assets
Mutual Funds: Growth and Stability
You have Rs. 11 lakhs in mutual funds. Mutual funds offer professional management and diversification. They are a great way to grow your wealth and provide a balanced approach between risk and return.

Advantages:

Diversification: Spread across different sectors and companies, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Managed by experts who can adapt to market changes.
Compounding Power: Long-term investments benefit from compounding, growing your wealth over time.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell, offering flexibility.
Recommendation:

Continue to invest in mutual funds, focusing on a mix of equity and balanced funds. This mix can provide growth and stability as you approach retirement. Actively managed funds are preferred over index funds because fund managers actively select stocks and adjust portfolios to maximize returns and minimize risks.

Stocks: High Growth Potential but Risky
Your Rs. 10 lakhs in stocks can grow significantly but are also volatile. Stocks can offer high returns but come with higher risks. Market fluctuations can affect their value, especially in the short term.

Advantages:

High Growth Potential: Stocks can provide substantial returns over time.
Ownership: Owning stocks means having a stake in companies, which can be rewarding if they perform well.
Disadvantages:

Volatility: Prices can fluctuate widely, affecting short-term value.
Time-Consuming: Managing a stock portfolio requires time and expertise.
Recommendation:

Gradually shift from direct stocks to mutual funds as you near retirement. Mutual funds managed by experts can provide the growth of equities with less risk and active management.

Savings Account: Safe but Low Returns
Your Rs. 5 lakhs in a savings account offer safety and liquidity but low returns. While it’s good for emergencies, it won’t grow much over time.

Advantages:

Safety: Funds are secure with minimal risk.
Liquidity: Easily accessible for immediate needs.
Disadvantages:

Low Returns: Typically, returns are lower than inflation, eroding purchasing power.
Recommendation:

Keep a portion for emergencies but consider moving some funds into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds or fixed deposits for better returns.

Provident Fund: Secure and Tax-Efficient
Your Rs. 2 lakhs in PF provide a stable and tax-efficient investment. PF is a great way to save for retirement, offering safety and guaranteed returns.

Advantages:

Safety: Backed by the government, providing stable returns.
Tax Benefits: Contributions and interest earned are tax-exempt.
Recommendation:

Continue contributing to your PF. It’s a reliable source of income for retirement and provides long-term stability.

Building Your Retirement Corpus
Increasing Your Savings and Investments
To build your retirement corpus, consider the following steps:

Increase Your Monthly Savings: Aim to save at least 20-30% of your income.
Automate Investments: Set up automatic transfers to your investment accounts.
Utilize Bonuses and Windfalls: Direct any extra income towards your retirement savings.
Diversifying Your Investments
Diversification reduces risk and can enhance returns. Spread your investments across different asset classes like equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This approach balances growth and stability.

Asset Allocation: Balancing Risk and Return
Asset allocation is crucial for optimizing your portfolio. Here’s a suggested allocation for your age and risk tolerance:

Equity (Stocks and Mutual Funds): 60-70% for growth.
Debt (PF, Bonds, FD): 20-30% for stability.
Cash and Savings: 10-20% for liquidity.
As you get closer to retirement, gradually shift from equities to more stable investments to preserve capital.

Utilizing Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Benefits of SIPs
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are an excellent way to invest regularly and benefit from rupee cost averaging. They allow you to invest a fixed amount in mutual funds regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Advantages:

Discipline: Encourages regular investing habits.
Cost Averaging: Buys more units when prices are low and fewer when high, averaging the cost.
Compounding: Small regular investments grow significantly over time.
Recommendation:

Set up SIPs in mutual funds to automate your investments and build a substantial retirement corpus over time.

Managing Risks and Uncertainties
Insuring Against Risks
Consider taking adequate life and health insurance to protect against unforeseen events. Insurance provides financial security and ensures your family’s well-being.

Life Insurance: Provides financial support to your family in case of your untimely demise.

Health Insurance: Covers medical expenses, protecting your savings from unexpected healthcare costs.

Recommendation:

Evaluate your insurance needs and ensure you have sufficient coverage to protect your family and assets.

Planning for Emergencies
Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will safeguard you against job loss, medical emergencies, or other unexpected costs.

Recommendation:

Keep your emergency fund in a savings account or liquid mutual funds for easy access and safety.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you create a comprehensive retirement plan. They assess your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance to develop a strategy tailored to your needs.

Advantages:

Expertise: Professional knowledge and experience in financial planning.
Personalized Strategy: A plan designed to meet your specific goals and circumstances.
Ongoing Support: Regular reviews and adjustments to keep your plan on track.
Recommendation:

Consult with a CFP to get a detailed analysis and personalized retirement plan. They can guide you in optimizing your investments and ensuring a secure retirement.

Final Insights
At 45, you have a solid foundation for retirement planning. To retire comfortably at 60, focus on increasing your savings and diversifying your investments. Gradually shift from direct stocks to mutual funds for growth with professional management. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for emergencies and continue contributing to your PF.

Set up SIPs to automate your investments and benefit from rupee cost averaging. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance to protect against risks. Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.

Working with a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with expert guidance and a personalized strategy to achieve your retirement goals. They can help you navigate the complexities of financial planning and ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

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I am 40 years old. I have 3 plots worth 40 lakhs, 10 lacs in MF, 8 lacs in PPF, 6 lacs in SSY. I have two daughters of 8 years and 3 years. My current salary is 1 lac per month.I want retirement at 50 with 1 lac per month regular income.
Ans: You have a solid foundation. Your assets include three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs, Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 8 lakhs in PPF, and Rs 6 lakhs in SSY. Your monthly salary is Rs 1 lakh. Your goal is to retire at 50 with a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh.

Assessing Existing Investments
Real Estate Holdings

You have three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs. Real estate can be a stable asset. However, it's less liquid. You may consider keeping these plots for long-term appreciation. Avoid additional real estate investments for diversification.

Mutual Funds

You have Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds. Actively managed funds are beneficial. They offer better returns than index funds due to expert management. Direct funds lack personalized advice. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures guidance and higher returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

You have Rs 8 lakhs in PPF. PPF is a secure, long-term investment. It offers tax benefits and decent returns. Continue investing in PPF for risk-free growth.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)

You have Rs 6 lakhs in SSY for your daughters. This scheme offers high interest rates and tax benefits. Continue contributions for your daughters’ future needs.

Retirement Planning
To achieve your goal, you need a strategy. Here are the key steps:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Increase monthly SIPs in actively managed funds.
Aim for a diversified portfolio of equity, debt, and balanced funds.
Consult a CFP for personalized fund selection.
Maximize PPF Contributions

Max out your PPF contributions annually.
Benefit from the compound interest and tax savings.
Consider SSY for Daughters

Keep contributing to SSY for long-term benefits.
This will secure their education and marriage expenses.
Future Contributions and Savings
Monthly Savings Allocation

Increase your savings rate. Aim for 30-40% of your income.
Allocate funds to PPF, SSY, and mutual funds.
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.
Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid fund.
Insurance Needs
Life Insurance

Ensure adequate life insurance coverage.
Term insurance is a cost-effective option.
Coverage should be at least 10 times your annual income.
Health Insurance

Have a comprehensive health insurance plan for your family.
Ensure it covers all major illnesses and hospitalization expenses.
Tax Planning
Tax-Saving Investments

Utilize tax-saving options like ELSS, PPF, and SSY.
This will reduce your taxable income and enhance savings.
Final Insights
Your current financial position is strong. With focused planning, you can achieve your retirement goal. Prioritize diversified investments, tax planning, and insurance. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This approach will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 49 yrs old having wife (homemaker) and one son 13 yrs. I want to retire by age of 55 yrs. I have adequate health Insurance for family also have company health insurance. I have PPF 20 lacs approx., MF 30 lacs, Rental income 25K monthly, Direct Equity 50K, Emergency FD 2 lacs. Have 11 yrs remaining on housing loan EMI 25K. My in hand salary is 1.10K monthly. I want to get 1 lac per month after retirement. Please advice.
Ans: You have done well to build a strong financial base. Your savings and investments are diverse, and you also have rental income to support your retirement. Let's break down your current assets and liabilities:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 20 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 30 lakhs
Rental Income: Rs 25,000 monthly
Direct Equity: Rs 50,000
Emergency Fixed Deposit: Rs 2 lakhs
Home Loan: 11 years remaining with an EMI of Rs 25,000
Monthly Salary: Rs 1.10 lakhs in hand
You also mentioned having adequate health insurance for your family, which is essential for financial security.

Retirement Goal: Rs 1 Lakh Per Month
You plan to retire at the age of 55, and your goal is to generate Rs 1 lakh per month after retirement. Let's now assess how to achieve that.

Assessment of Income and Expenses Post-Retirement
You will continue to receive Rs 25,000 per month from rental income. Therefore, the remaining Rs 75,000 per month will need to come from your investments.

Your current home loan is an ongoing liability, with an EMI of Rs 25,000. It would be ideal to explore prepayment options or at least ensure that this EMI doesn’t stretch too far into your retirement.

Now let’s focus on optimizing your investments and income sources.

Evaluate Your Investments
Your portfolio is quite diversified, with investments in PPF, mutual funds, direct equity, and a fixed deposit for emergencies. However, some adjustments may be needed to generate a regular income of Rs 75,000 per month after retirement.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
The current PPF balance of Rs 20 lakhs is a safe and tax-efficient investment.
Continue contributing to PPF, but remember that its lock-in period and lower liquidity make it less ideal for regular income.
Mutual Funds
Your Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds will play a crucial role in achieving your retirement income goals.
Since mutual funds have the potential for higher returns, maintaining and growing this corpus is important.
You can opt for a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) post-retirement. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly without depleting the principal too fast.
Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds. Focus on actively managed funds rather than index funds, as actively managed funds can potentially outperform in the long term.
Direct Equity
Your Rs 50,000 in direct equity is a small portion of your portfolio.
Direct equity investments can be volatile, and since the amount is relatively small, you might not want to rely on it for regular income.
Consider shifting a portion of this to mutual funds for better risk management through professional fund managers. Regular funds managed by mutual fund distributors (MFDs) who are certified financial planners (CFPs) are often better for long-term growth.
Fixed Deposit for Emergencies
Your Rs 2 lakh fixed deposit is useful as an emergency buffer.
Keep this fund intact and do not use it for income generation. It's always wise to have 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in liquid, easily accessible funds.
Home Loan Strategy
The EMI of Rs 25,000 per month is a significant expense. With 11 years left on the loan, this will continue well into your retirement unless paid off earlier. Here's what you can consider:

Prepaying the loan: If feasible, use some of your current salary or rental income to prepay a portion of the home loan. Reducing this liability before retirement will ease the financial burden later.
If prepaying is not possible, ensure that your post-retirement income can comfortably cover the EMI.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Assuming you need Rs 75,000 per month from your investments (since Rs 25,000 will come from rent), you will need to build a sufficient corpus by the time you retire. The corpus should be able to generate this amount through systematic withdrawals and interest income.

With inflation and other factors in mind, a rough estimate suggests that you will need a retirement corpus of around Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore to safely generate Rs 75,000 per month. Let's now explore how to build this corpus over the next six years.

Investment Strategies to Build Your Retirement Corpus
Increase Contributions to Mutual Funds
Currently, you have Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds. Over the next six years, this can grow significantly, depending on market conditions.
Consider increasing your monthly contributions to mutual funds. This will help you build a larger corpus by the time you retire.
Opt for equity-focused mutual funds for long-term growth. Equities tend to outperform other asset classes over longer periods.
Keep a balance between mid-cap, small-cap, and large-cap funds to optimize your returns. Avoid index funds as they may provide lower returns compared to actively managed funds.
Use Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) will help you build your corpus in a disciplined manner.
By investing regularly, you will also benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps mitigate the impact of market volatility.
Avoid Direct Equity for Regular Income
Direct equity investments can be unpredictable and volatile. Since your goal is to generate regular income, avoid relying on direct equity.
Shift a portion of your direct equity investments into safer options like mutual funds managed by professionals. Regular mutual funds, managed by MFDs who are certified financial planners (CFPs), provide more stability and better risk management compared to direct equity or index funds.
Rental Income and Real Estate
Your Rs 25,000 rental income will be a steady source of income post-retirement.
Consider increasing the rent periodically to keep up with inflation.
Inflation and Rising Costs
It’s crucial to factor in inflation when planning for retirement. While you might need Rs 1 lakh per month today, the cost of living will rise in the future. Therefore, building a larger corpus than initially expected is always a good strategy.

Your rental income and systematic withdrawals from your mutual funds should help mitigate the impact of inflation, but do review your plan every few years to ensure you're on track.

Additional Considerations for Retirement Planning
Emergency Fund
You have an emergency FD of Rs 2 lakhs, which is a good start. However, as you get closer to retirement, it may be worth increasing this to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This way, you won’t need to dip into your retirement savings for any urgent needs.

Health Insurance
You mentioned having adequate health insurance, including company-provided coverage. After retirement, you won’t have employer-provided coverage. Therefore, consider enhancing your health insurance coverage before you retire. This will protect you and your family from any unexpected medical expenses post-retirement.

Taxation of Investments
Your post-retirement income will be subject to taxation. Here’s a quick overview of how your investments will be taxed:

Rental Income: Taxed as per your income tax slab.
Mutual Funds (Equity): Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
PPF: Interest earned is tax-free.
Fixed Deposit Interest: Taxed as per your income tax slab.
Ensure that your withdrawals and income sources are tax-efficient. A certified financial planner can help you optimize your tax liability in retirement.

Finally
You are on the right path toward a comfortable retirement. With a few strategic adjustments, you can achieve your goal of Rs 1 lakh per month after retirement. Focus on growing your mutual fund investments and paying down your home loan, while also keeping a strong emergency fund in place.

By maintaining a well-diversified portfolio and periodically reviewing your plan, you will be well-prepared for your retirement at 55.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
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Career
I'm 18 years old and currently preparing for neet as a dropper student. I'm from bihar but I live in haryana since my childhood. I have a boyfriend, he is doing btech and it has been 1.5 years since we are together we love each other he supports me in everything but the problem here is I lied him about my birthplace and told him that I belong to UP as UP is a bit better place than bihar. Idk i just feel ashamed to tell anyone that I'm from bihar so I just tell everyone that I'm from UP. Now I'm feeling very guilty in my own that I lied to him about such a basic and important thing and yesterday he Also mentioned that his mother never want a bihari girl, and he is a punjabi. I just don't know what should I do how will he react after knowing the truth and also I'm afraid that he will broke up with me.. I'm also having my neet exam in 6 months. I planned that i will tell him after my exam but I'm just feeling too guilty that I'm hiding this thing from him
Ans: Hello.
Keep mum for the next 6-7 months. Keep a safe distance from your boyfriend. Focus only on NEET preparation. Try to excel in NEET. Wait till the results are out. If you score well and get admitted to Govt Medical College, then open up in front of your boyfriend. He and his family members will accept you because you are becoming a doctor! But after taking the NEET examination, if you feel that you can't score as expected, then tell the truth to your boyfriend. If he loves you from the bottom of his heart, he will forgive you. But if not. then you assume that god has saved you from him!
Last but not least:- Dedicate your 24 hours only for NEET preparation. This time will never come in your life again. You can be a KING in just a few days with solid preparation and will get lifelong respect in society. The bright future is in your hands and not in the hands of your boyfriend.
Best of luck with your upcoming NEET Examination.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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