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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello, I am 49 yrs old having wife (homemaker) and one son 13 yrs. I want to retire by age of 55 yrs. I have adequate health Insurance for family also have company health insurance. I have PPF 20 lacs approx., MF 30 lacs, Rental income 25K monthly, Direct Equity 50K, Emergency FD 2 lacs. Have 11 yrs remaining on housing loan EMI 25K. My in hand salary is 1.10K monthly. I want to get 1 lac per month after retirement. Please advice.

Ans: You have done well to build a strong financial base. Your savings and investments are diverse, and you also have rental income to support your retirement. Let's break down your current assets and liabilities:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 20 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 30 lakhs
Rental Income: Rs 25,000 monthly
Direct Equity: Rs 50,000
Emergency Fixed Deposit: Rs 2 lakhs
Home Loan: 11 years remaining with an EMI of Rs 25,000
Monthly Salary: Rs 1.10 lakhs in hand
You also mentioned having adequate health insurance for your family, which is essential for financial security.

Retirement Goal: Rs 1 Lakh Per Month
You plan to retire at the age of 55, and your goal is to generate Rs 1 lakh per month after retirement. Let's now assess how to achieve that.

Assessment of Income and Expenses Post-Retirement
You will continue to receive Rs 25,000 per month from rental income. Therefore, the remaining Rs 75,000 per month will need to come from your investments.

Your current home loan is an ongoing liability, with an EMI of Rs 25,000. It would be ideal to explore prepayment options or at least ensure that this EMI doesn’t stretch too far into your retirement.

Now let’s focus on optimizing your investments and income sources.

Evaluate Your Investments
Your portfolio is quite diversified, with investments in PPF, mutual funds, direct equity, and a fixed deposit for emergencies. However, some adjustments may be needed to generate a regular income of Rs 75,000 per month after retirement.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
The current PPF balance of Rs 20 lakhs is a safe and tax-efficient investment.
Continue contributing to PPF, but remember that its lock-in period and lower liquidity make it less ideal for regular income.
Mutual Funds
Your Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds will play a crucial role in achieving your retirement income goals.
Since mutual funds have the potential for higher returns, maintaining and growing this corpus is important.
You can opt for a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) post-retirement. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly without depleting the principal too fast.
Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds. Focus on actively managed funds rather than index funds, as actively managed funds can potentially outperform in the long term.
Direct Equity
Your Rs 50,000 in direct equity is a small portion of your portfolio.
Direct equity investments can be volatile, and since the amount is relatively small, you might not want to rely on it for regular income.
Consider shifting a portion of this to mutual funds for better risk management through professional fund managers. Regular funds managed by mutual fund distributors (MFDs) who are certified financial planners (CFPs) are often better for long-term growth.
Fixed Deposit for Emergencies
Your Rs 2 lakh fixed deposit is useful as an emergency buffer.
Keep this fund intact and do not use it for income generation. It's always wise to have 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in liquid, easily accessible funds.
Home Loan Strategy
The EMI of Rs 25,000 per month is a significant expense. With 11 years left on the loan, this will continue well into your retirement unless paid off earlier. Here's what you can consider:

Prepaying the loan: If feasible, use some of your current salary or rental income to prepay a portion of the home loan. Reducing this liability before retirement will ease the financial burden later.
If prepaying is not possible, ensure that your post-retirement income can comfortably cover the EMI.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Assuming you need Rs 75,000 per month from your investments (since Rs 25,000 will come from rent), you will need to build a sufficient corpus by the time you retire. The corpus should be able to generate this amount through systematic withdrawals and interest income.

With inflation and other factors in mind, a rough estimate suggests that you will need a retirement corpus of around Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore to safely generate Rs 75,000 per month. Let's now explore how to build this corpus over the next six years.

Investment Strategies to Build Your Retirement Corpus
Increase Contributions to Mutual Funds
Currently, you have Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds. Over the next six years, this can grow significantly, depending on market conditions.
Consider increasing your monthly contributions to mutual funds. This will help you build a larger corpus by the time you retire.
Opt for equity-focused mutual funds for long-term growth. Equities tend to outperform other asset classes over longer periods.
Keep a balance between mid-cap, small-cap, and large-cap funds to optimize your returns. Avoid index funds as they may provide lower returns compared to actively managed funds.
Use Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) will help you build your corpus in a disciplined manner.
By investing regularly, you will also benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps mitigate the impact of market volatility.
Avoid Direct Equity for Regular Income
Direct equity investments can be unpredictable and volatile. Since your goal is to generate regular income, avoid relying on direct equity.
Shift a portion of your direct equity investments into safer options like mutual funds managed by professionals. Regular mutual funds, managed by MFDs who are certified financial planners (CFPs), provide more stability and better risk management compared to direct equity or index funds.
Rental Income and Real Estate
Your Rs 25,000 rental income will be a steady source of income post-retirement.
Consider increasing the rent periodically to keep up with inflation.
Inflation and Rising Costs
It’s crucial to factor in inflation when planning for retirement. While you might need Rs 1 lakh per month today, the cost of living will rise in the future. Therefore, building a larger corpus than initially expected is always a good strategy.

Your rental income and systematic withdrawals from your mutual funds should help mitigate the impact of inflation, but do review your plan every few years to ensure you're on track.

Additional Considerations for Retirement Planning
Emergency Fund
You have an emergency FD of Rs 2 lakhs, which is a good start. However, as you get closer to retirement, it may be worth increasing this to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This way, you won’t need to dip into your retirement savings for any urgent needs.

Health Insurance
You mentioned having adequate health insurance, including company-provided coverage. After retirement, you won’t have employer-provided coverage. Therefore, consider enhancing your health insurance coverage before you retire. This will protect you and your family from any unexpected medical expenses post-retirement.

Taxation of Investments
Your post-retirement income will be subject to taxation. Here’s a quick overview of how your investments will be taxed:

Rental Income: Taxed as per your income tax slab.
Mutual Funds (Equity): Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
PPF: Interest earned is tax-free.
Fixed Deposit Interest: Taxed as per your income tax slab.
Ensure that your withdrawals and income sources are tax-efficient. A certified financial planner can help you optimize your tax liability in retirement.

Finally
You are on the right path toward a comfortable retirement. With a few strategic adjustments, you can achieve your goal of Rs 1 lakh per month after retirement. Focus on growing your mutual fund investments and paying down your home loan, while also keeping a strong emergency fund in place.

By maintaining a well-diversified portfolio and periodically reviewing your plan, you will be well-prepared for your retirement at 55.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Asked on - Oct 08, 2024 | Answered on Oct 08, 2024
Listen
Thank you Ramalingam Sir for your advice to achieve my income of 1 lac after retirement. However, please could you guide me on what Mutual funds to invest in these remaining 6 yrs so I can get good returns before my retirement. Also, I have heard about SWP is not good instrument a it will start depleting my investments quickly. Do you suggest to purchase an asset which will provide my regular rental income instead? Also, you have not considered about my sons educations expenses in future. Please through some light on it for better planning?
Ans: You're welcome! I'm glad to assist further.

To achieve your retirement goals in the remaining six years, I would recommend focusing on balanced mutual fund investments. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to balance risk and returns. This strategy can help you accumulate a solid corpus by retirement.

Regarding SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan), it's actually a good tool for retirement income. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly, and your investments continue to grow. While it does deplete the investment, if managed well, it can provide a sustainable income.

As for purchasing an asset for rental income, I would advise against it. Real estate requires higher maintenance, and the returns are uncertain. Mutual funds, especially equity, offer better long-term returns and liquidity, which you will need in retirement.

For your son’s education, factor it into your financial plan now. Continue building your mutual fund portfolio and allocate a portion specifically for his education. Consider an education loan to partially fund it and reduce the financial strain on your corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sir My monthly income 82k after all tax deduction.Now I have one sip value 1lakh 30k where I invest 13k/month, 3lic insurance where I invest 60k annual,one term insurance 50lakhs till the age of 65,one home loan I have which emi 25k and over 2039. I want to take retire age of 50 and how would I get 2lakhs per month after retirement
Ans: Retirement Planning and Investment Strategy
Planning for retirement at the age of 50 requires careful financial management and strategic investment planning to achieve your goal of generating ?2 lakhs per month post-retirement. Let's analyze your current financial situation and outline an investment strategy to meet your retirement income needs.

Current Financial Situation
Monthly Income: ?82,000
SIP: ?1,30,000 (?13,000 per month)
Life Insurance: ?3 lakh annual premium
Term Insurance: ?50 lakhs coverage till age 65
Home Loan EMI: ?25,000 per month (until 2039)
Retirement Goal
You aim to retire at the age of 50 and generate ?2 lakhs per month post-retirement. To achieve this, we need to assess your retirement corpus requirement and devise an investment strategy accordingly.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Assuming you live until the age of 85 and accounting for inflation, you would need a substantial retirement corpus to sustain ?2 lakhs per month for 35 years post-retirement.

Investment Strategy
Increase Savings: Maximize your savings by reducing unnecessary expenses and allocating additional funds towards retirement planning.

Optimize Investments:

SIPs: Continue investing in SIPs, but consider diversifying across equity and debt funds to balance risk and returns.
Life Insurance: Evaluate the coverage and cost-effectiveness of your life insurance policies. Consider term insurance for pure protection and invest the remaining premium amount in instruments that offer better returns.
Term Insurance: Ensure your term insurance coverage adequately protects your family's financial needs in case of unforeseen circumstances.
Home Loan: While the home loan reduces your disposable income, it also helps build asset value over time. Continue timely payments to clear the debt by 2039.
Retirement Corpus Accumulation:

Estimate your retirement corpus requirement based on your desired post-retirement income and expenses.
Utilize online retirement calculators or consult with a financial planner to determine the required corpus.
Investment Allocation:

Allocate your investments across a mix of equity, debt, and real estate to achieve long-term growth and stability.
Consider tax-efficient investment options such as PPF, NPS, and tax-saving mutual funds to optimize returns and minimize tax liability.
Regular Review:

Periodically review your investment portfolio and make necessary adjustments based on changing financial goals, market conditions, and life circumstances.
Seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your retirement plan remains on track and aligned with your objectives.
Conclusion
With a disciplined savings approach and strategic investment planning, you can work towards achieving your retirement goal of generating ?2 lakhs per month post-retirement. Start early, stay focused on your financial objectives, and seek expert advice to navigate your retirement journey successfully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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I am 49+ I have 13 lacs MF, 65 lacs FD, MIS 9 LACS , FLAT Worth 80 Lacs, Gold worth 60 lacs, ppf worth 7 lacs , pf worth 28 Lacs , shares worth 7.5 lacs, insurance worth 30 lacs. , nps worth 3 lacs. Need monthly income of 50000 pm by 60. Pls advise way forward after retirement of 60.
Ans: You have a diversified range of investments, which is commendable. Let's break down your current holdings to get a clearer picture:

Mutual Funds: Rs 13 lakhs

Fixed Deposits: Rs 65 lakhs

Monthly Income Scheme: Rs 9 lakhs

Flat Worth: Rs 80 lakhs

Gold: Rs 60 lakhs

Public Provident Fund: Rs 7 lakhs

Provident Fund: Rs 28 lakhs

Shares: Rs 7.5 lakhs

Insurance: Rs 30 lakhs

National Pension System: Rs 3 lakhs

You need a monthly income of Rs 50,000 after you retire at 60. Let's explore how to achieve this goal.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds:

Mutual funds are a great way to grow wealth over time. They provide diversification and professional management. However, consider switching from direct funds to regular funds. Regular funds offer better service and guidance through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

Fixed Deposits:

Fixed deposits are safe but offer lower returns. As you near retirement, safety becomes important. However, you need to balance safety with growth. Too much in fixed deposits can erode your purchasing power due to inflation.

Monthly Income Scheme (MIS):

The Monthly Income Scheme offers regular income but limited growth. It’s a safe option but does not keep pace with inflation.

Flat Worth:

Your flat is a significant asset. While it provides value, it's not a liquid asset. It can be considered for future use, like selling or renting, to generate income post-retirement.

Gold:

Gold is a good hedge against inflation. It's a safe investment, but it doesn't provide regular income. Consider holding gold as part of your diversified portfolio.

Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF is a safe, long-term investment. It provides tax benefits and steady returns. Continue contributing to it as it forms a stable part of your retirement corpus.

Provident Fund (PF):

Provident Fund is a reliable retirement savings tool. It provides steady growth and is a safe investment. Ensure you keep track of your contributions and interest earned.

Shares:

Shares offer growth potential but come with higher risk. Keep a portion of your portfolio in shares for growth. However, as you approach retirement, gradually reduce exposure to high-risk stocks.

Insurance:

You have insurance worth Rs 30 lakhs. Ensure you have adequate coverage for health and life insurance. Reassess your insurance needs periodically.

National Pension System (NPS):

NPS is a good retirement savings option. It offers tax benefits and steady returns. Continue contributing to NPS for long-term growth.

Building a Retirement Strategy
Estimate Your Retirement Corpus:

You need a clear estimate of your retirement corpus. Given your requirement of Rs 50,000 per month, calculate your annual need and factor in inflation. This will give you a target corpus to aim for.

Asset Allocation:

Diversify your investments across different asset classes. A balanced mix of equity, debt, and alternative investments can provide growth and stability.

Equity:

Allocate a portion to equity for growth. Consider actively managed mutual funds for better returns. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds due to professional management and market insights.

Debt:

Debt investments provide stability. Use fixed deposits, PPF, and debt mutual funds. They offer regular income and lower risk.

Gold:

Keep gold as a part of your portfolio. It’s a good hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty.

Income Generation:

Post-retirement, you need to generate a steady income. Here are some options:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Use SWP from your mutual funds to get regular income. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS):

SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering regular income. It’s a safe option for retirees.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs):

MIPs offer regular income with moderate risk. They invest in a mix of equity and debt.

Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Medical expenses can drain your savings quickly. Opt for a comprehensive family floater plan.

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund. It should cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. Keep it in liquid assets for easy access.

Implementing the Strategy
Regular Reviews:

Review your portfolio regularly. Assess the performance of your investments and make adjustments as needed. A Certified Financial Planner can help you with this.

Rebalance Your Portfolio:

Rebalance your portfolio periodically. Ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and retirement goals.

Reduce Debt:

If you have any outstanding loans, aim to pay them off before retirement. Reducing debt lowers your financial burden.

Tax Planning:

Plan your taxes efficiently. Use tax-saving instruments like PPF, NPS, and tax-saving mutual funds. They provide tax benefits and help grow your corpus.

Exploring Alternatives to Direct Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios. However, they lack the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner. This can lead to uninformed decisions and potential losses.

Benefits of Regular Funds:

Regular funds offer professional advice and service. Certified Financial Planners provide tailored investment strategies. They help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions.

Avoiding Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds replicate the market index. They offer average returns and lack flexibility. In volatile markets, they may not perform well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. They offer higher returns through expert management. Fund managers can adjust portfolios based on market conditions, offering better performance.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement requires a balanced approach. You need to ensure growth, stability, and regular income. Your current portfolio is diverse and well-structured.

Here are some key steps to move forward:

Diversify Investments:

Maintain a balanced mix of equity, debt, and alternative investments.

Generate Regular Income:

Use SWP, SCSS, and MIPs for steady income post-retirement.

Ensure Health Coverage:

Have comprehensive health insurance for unexpected medical expenses.

Maintain an Emergency Fund:

Keep liquid assets to cover 6-12 months of expenses.

Plan for Taxes:

Use tax-saving instruments to grow your corpus and reduce tax liability.

Seek Professional Guidance:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and regular portfolio reviews.

By following these steps, you can achieve your goal of a comfortable retirement with a monthly income of Rs 50,000.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

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I am 40 years old. I have 3 plots worth 40 lakhs, 10 lacs in MF, 8 lacs in PPF, 6 lacs in SSY. I have two daughters of 8 years and 3 years. My current salary is 1 lac per month.I want retirement at 50 with 1 lac per month regular income.
Ans: You have a solid foundation. Your assets include three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs, Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 8 lakhs in PPF, and Rs 6 lakhs in SSY. Your monthly salary is Rs 1 lakh. Your goal is to retire at 50 with a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh.

Assessing Existing Investments
Real Estate Holdings

You have three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs. Real estate can be a stable asset. However, it's less liquid. You may consider keeping these plots for long-term appreciation. Avoid additional real estate investments for diversification.

Mutual Funds

You have Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds. Actively managed funds are beneficial. They offer better returns than index funds due to expert management. Direct funds lack personalized advice. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures guidance and higher returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

You have Rs 8 lakhs in PPF. PPF is a secure, long-term investment. It offers tax benefits and decent returns. Continue investing in PPF for risk-free growth.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)

You have Rs 6 lakhs in SSY for your daughters. This scheme offers high interest rates and tax benefits. Continue contributions for your daughters’ future needs.

Retirement Planning
To achieve your goal, you need a strategy. Here are the key steps:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Increase monthly SIPs in actively managed funds.
Aim for a diversified portfolio of equity, debt, and balanced funds.
Consult a CFP for personalized fund selection.
Maximize PPF Contributions

Max out your PPF contributions annually.
Benefit from the compound interest and tax savings.
Consider SSY for Daughters

Keep contributing to SSY for long-term benefits.
This will secure their education and marriage expenses.
Future Contributions and Savings
Monthly Savings Allocation

Increase your savings rate. Aim for 30-40% of your income.
Allocate funds to PPF, SSY, and mutual funds.
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.
Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid fund.
Insurance Needs
Life Insurance

Ensure adequate life insurance coverage.
Term insurance is a cost-effective option.
Coverage should be at least 10 times your annual income.
Health Insurance

Have a comprehensive health insurance plan for your family.
Ensure it covers all major illnesses and hospitalization expenses.
Tax Planning
Tax-Saving Investments

Utilize tax-saving options like ELSS, PPF, and SSY.
This will reduce your taxable income and enhance savings.
Final Insights
Your current financial position is strong. With focused planning, you can achieve your retirement goal. Prioritize diversified investments, tax planning, and insurance. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This approach will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Hello, I am 48 yrs old having wife (homemaker) and one son 13 yrs. I want to retire by age of 58 yrs. I have adequate health Insurance for family also have company health insurance. I have PPF 20 lacs approx., MF 25 lacs, Rental income 25K monthly, Emergency FD 2 lacs. Have 11 yrs remaining on housing loan EMI 30K. My in hand salary is 1.10K monthly. I want to get a minimum1 lac per month after retirement income. Please advice how can I achieve my target considering sons higher education cost and my wife is housewife and she also requires minimum 20K expenses monthly for her personal use.
Ans: Hello;

The PPF and MF corpus may be utilised towards higher education requirement of your kid.

After 5 years the cumulative corpus of these investments will be 65 L+.

The monthly rental income may be used to pay for spouse requirement of 20 K per month.

You may initiate a monthly sip of 50 K in a combination of pure equity mutual funds and top-up the sip amount by minimum of 16% each year.

By the end of 12 years you may have a corpus of around 3.56 Cr.

If you utilise this amount to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company, you may expect to receive a monthly income of
1.24 L (post-tax) assuming 6% annuity rate.

Do continue the personal family healthcare cover (Min 50 L) which can be helpful with advancement in age.

Any EPF/NPS corpus will serve as your warchest to fight inflation in retirement.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
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Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1326 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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