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Sunil

Sunil Lala  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jan 19, 2024

Sunil Lala founded SL Wealth, a company that offers life and non-life insurance, mutual fund and asset allocation advice, in 2005. A certified financial planner, he has three decades of domain experience. His expertise includes designing goal-specific financial plans and creating investment awareness. He has been a registered member of the Financial Planning Standards Board since 2009.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2023Hindi
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My Jeevan Anand LIC policy will mature next year. I do not wish to continue the policy till death but would like to withdraw this additional amount along with maturity amount. Please let me know how much additional amount I will get along with the maturity amount. The policy is of Rs 10 lakhs.

Ans: And this policy was for what period. Best is you can put this query to your insurance agent or get it from your policy servicing branch
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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I am having LIC of a 14 lakhs policy of Jeevan Anand paying premium of 71000. It's going to mature or complete it's 21years term. How much should I expect the maturity amount? Will I be be life covered post maturity amount withdrawal? Where should I invest this maturity amount?
Ans: Assessing Your LIC Jeevan Anand Policy
Understanding Maturity Amount
Your LIC Jeevan Anand policy is nearing the end of its 21-year term. Given a policy sum assured of ?14 lakhs and an annual premium of ?71,000, the maturity amount will include the sum assured along with any applicable bonuses. However, without specific bonus rates, an exact figure is challenging to determine. Generally, LIC policies like Jeevan Anand accrue bonuses over the years, which can significantly enhance the maturity amount.

Life Coverage Post Maturity
One key feature of the LIC Jeevan Anand policy is the continuation of life cover even after the maturity amount is paid out. This means you will still have a life cover equal to the sum assured (?14 lakhs) after the policy matures, providing continued financial security for your beneficiaries.

Investment Recommendations for Maturity Amount
Risk Assessment and Goals
Before deciding where to invest the maturity amount, consider your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon. Since the maturity amount is likely to be substantial, diversifying across various investment options is prudent.

Investment Options
1. Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: If you have a high-risk tolerance and a long-term investment horizon, consider equity mutual funds. They offer high growth potential but come with higher volatility.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: For a moderate risk appetite, balanced funds invest in a mix of equities and debt, providing a balance of growth and stability.

Debt Mutual Funds: If you prefer low risk, debt funds are safer and provide regular income, suitable for short to medium-term goals.

2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Consider investing a portion of the maturity amount in mutual funds through SIPs. This helps in averaging the purchase cost and reduces the impact of market volatility.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF)
For long-term, risk-free investments, PPF is a good option. It offers attractive tax-free returns and has a lock-in period of 15 years, making it suitable for retirement planning.

4. National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is another long-term investment option, especially beneficial for retirement planning. It offers a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities with tax benefits.

5. Fixed Deposits (FD)
If you seek safety and assured returns, consider investing a portion in fixed deposits. Although returns are lower compared to equity, FDs provide guaranteed income.

6. Gold
Investing in gold through Gold ETFs or Sovereign Gold Bonds can provide a hedge against inflation and add stability to your portfolio.

Diversified Portfolio Approach
High-Risk Investments: Allocate around 40-50% in equity mutual funds or direct stocks for high growth potential.

Moderate-Risk Investments: Allocate 20-30% in balanced funds or hybrid funds for balanced growth and stability.

Low-Risk Investments: Allocate 20-30% in debt funds, PPF, or FDs for assured returns and safety.

Alternative Investments: Allocate a small portion, around 5-10%, in gold or other alternative assets for diversification.

Conclusion
Upon maturity of your LIC Jeevan Anand policy, you will receive a significant lump sum. Continue benefiting from life coverage even after maturity. To optimize this maturity amount, diversify your investments across equity, debt, and alternative options based on your risk profile and financial goals. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 27, 2024

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Hi Sir..I'm holding LIC Jeevan Anand Policy. Policy Premium Paying term is 16 Years (2029). Maturity is showing as 2024. Can I redeem after Policy Premium paying term completes (2029) without any deductions or wait till maturity to get all benefits?? Please help
Ans: Your LIC Jeevan Anand policy is a traditional endowment plan with a unique benefit structure. It combines both insurance and investment. The policy provides coverage during the premium-paying term and continues to offer life cover even after the term ends. This is one of the key features that differentiates Jeevan Anand from other endowment plans. You are paying premiums for 16 years, with the policy maturing in 2024, while the premium-paying term extends to 2029.

Maturity vs. Premium Paying Term

It's important to distinguish between maturity and premium-paying term. Maturity refers to the point when the policy reaches its end date, and you become eligible to receive the maturity benefits. In your case, this is set for 2024. The premium paying term is the period during which you need to pay premiums, which is until 2029.

Redeeming After Premium Paying Term

You mentioned that the maturity date is in 2024, while premiums are payable until 2029. If you choose to redeem the policy after the premium-paying term ends in 2029, you should receive the maturity benefits without any deductions. The full benefits include the sum assured, bonuses, and any loyalty additions applicable.

Waiting Until Maturity

Waiting until the policy matures in 2024 to redeem it might seem logical. However, since you are required to pay premiums until 2029, it’s advisable to continue with the policy. Redeeming after 2029 ensures you receive the maximum benefits. This approach also means you avoid any potential penalties or deductions that could apply if you redeem before the premium-paying term ends.

Impact of Early Redemption

If you consider redeeming the policy before the premium-paying term ends, there could be deductions or penalties. Early redemption might lead to a reduction in the final payout, and you could lose out on potential bonuses. Additionally, the policy's life cover will cease if you redeem early, which may not be advisable depending on your current insurance needs.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation

Before deciding, assess your current financial situation. If you can comfortably continue paying the premiums until 2029, it is generally better to do so. This will allow you to maximize your benefits and avoid any unnecessary deductions. Also, consider your overall financial goals. If this policy fits into your long-term plan, continuing until the end of the premium-paying term is prudent.

Evaluating Alternative Investment Options

If you feel that this policy is not yielding the returns you desire, you may want to explore other investment options. However, surrendering the policy before the premium-paying term ends is usually not recommended due to potential financial losses. Consider alternative options only if you have thoroughly assessed the potential benefits versus the cost of early redemption.

Importance of Life Insurance Coverage

Jeevan Anand provides life coverage even after the policy matures. This is a crucial benefit to consider. If you redeem the policy early, you will lose this coverage. It’s important to ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage in place before making any decisions about early redemption.

Final Insights

Continuing with your LIC Jeevan Anand policy until the end of the premium-paying term in 2029 is advisable. This approach will maximize your benefits, including maturity value and life coverage. Redeeming the policy after 2029 ensures you receive the full sum assured, bonuses, and any loyalty additions without deductions. Assess your financial situation and insurance needs before making any decisions. Consider alternative investments only if they align better with your financial goals, but be mindful of potential losses from early redemption.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

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Hi Sir , I have taken jeevan anand policy in 2005 with paying term 20 years but date of maturity showing as 2082 ( 100 years of life) means I can get money after 2025 completed else I will get maturity amount in 2025, please let me know
Ans: You hold a participating insurance policy with dual benefits: life cover and maturity payout.

The policy term is until age 100, ensuring lifelong coverage.

Your premium-paying term is 20 years, ending in 2025.

You will receive a maturity payout in 2025 if you choose.

Alternatively, you may keep the maturity amount invested in the policy.

If kept invested, benefits accumulate until policy maturity or claim.

Key Aspects to Evaluate
Life Coverage Beyond 2025
Post-2025, the policy continues to provide life cover until age 100.

The sum assured ensures financial security for your dependents.

Maturity Amount Usage
The payout in 2025 can address your financial goals.

Retaining the maturity amount earns additional bonuses over time.

Cost-Effectiveness of Continuing
Premium payments cease after 2025, reducing financial outflow.

Assess the policy's bonus and return rates for future benefits.

Assessing Financial Goals
Immediate Needs
Review current financial priorities like retirement planning or liabilities.

The maturity amount can supplement other investments.

Long-Term Growth Opportunities
Retaining the policy boosts long-term returns due to ongoing bonuses.

Consider the tax efficiency of keeping the maturity amount invested.

Alternative Investment Avenues
Evaluate reinvestment in mutual funds for potentially higher returns.

Active funds with a Certified Financial Planner's guidance can outperform.

Regular funds through an advisor ensure tailored advice and discipline.

Insurance Versus Investment
Dual-purpose policies often underperform as pure investments.

Standalone insurance offers better coverage at a lower premium.

Mutual funds provide transparency, liquidity, and targeted growth.

Tax Implications
The maturity payout is tax-free if premiums are below 10% of the sum assured.

Keeping the policy active beyond 2025 avoids tax on continued bonuses.

Evaluate the tax efficiency against returns from other instruments.

Recommendations
For Policyholders Like You
Continue with the policy until 2025 for the full maturity benefit.

Post-2025, decide based on returns and financial needs.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for optimizing maturity usage.

If Considering Policy Surrender
Reinvest surrendered funds in diversified mutual funds.

Seek active management for consistent, tax-efficient growth.

Final Insights
Your policy secures lifelong coverage and a guaranteed payout in 2025.

Retaining the policy beyond 2025 can maximize accumulated benefits.

Reinvesting in well-managed mutual funds may deliver superior growth.

Ensure alignment with your long-term financial goals and family security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
Ans: Priyanshi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
Ans: Shrikant, Fuel and Energy Engineering (FEE) focuses on sustainability, renewable energy, and energy systems, with potential for higher education in energy systems, sustainability, and climate tech roles. It offers more opportunities in renewables, thermal, oil & gas, and policy, while Mineral Engineering focuses on mineral processing, extraction, metallurgy, and mining operations. Both branches accept low GATE scores, making it a great chance to get into an IIT.

Choosing between Fuel and Energy Engineering and Mineral Engineering depends on factors such as interest area, job opportunities, future reach, and GATE score concerns. FEE is ideal for forward-thinking individuals interested in future energy technology and for more employment opportunities in India and abroad, while mineral engineering can provide stability for those working in core industries, PSUs, or mining businesses. If you're forward-looking, interested in emerging energy technologies, and want wider career options (in India and globally), Fuel and Energy Engineering is likely the better choice.

If you're okay with a more specialized field and potentially working in core industries, PSUs, or mining companies, then Mineral Engineering can also offer stability. All the Best for Your Admission.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation; it sounds very emotionally draining. Now coming to your question, I cannot give you advice from the legal point of view but I can give you the human pov.- even though you are not responsible for anyone’s mental health, you can still be kind and helpful when someone is at a low point in their lives. You can start by telling her that you care about her, but the romantic relationship is over. And even though you two are not a couple, you will still help her get through this. Tell her that she deserves better and her life has so much value- if she does something, it will definitely affect a lot of people who deeply care for her. Encourage her to talk to someone she is close to. You can also consider alerting someone in your circle who knows the both of you and can help in this situation.

I understand how exhausting it must be to be held emotionally hostage, but since the issue is self-harm, it is best to take things seriously. You might not be able to fix it for her, but you can be kind. If she persists, please consider alerting her family. And if you are overwhelmed, please share the concerns with someone you trust. It must be difficult to carry all the burden alone.

Hope this helps.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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