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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2165 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Samraat Jadhav is the founder of Prosperity Wealth Adviser.
He is a SEBI-registered investment and research analyst and has over 18 years of experience in managing high-end portfolios.
A management graduate from XLRI-Jamshedpur, Jadhav specialises in portfolio management, investment banking, financial planning, derivatives, equities and capital markets.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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I have invested Rs60L in mutual funds thru one broker. Now I want to change that broker. Is it possible to change broker without any capital tax burden.

Ans: yes, AMC has a change of broker concept
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Hello Sir im turning 36 this Dec...Im not very old in MF investment however looking forward to being consistant...I want to build up a corpas of 50 lakh by age of 40..my invest as per below... Quant/kotak/axis small cap direct growth- 10K/month(9 month old) parag parikh ELSS tax saver- 2K/month(12 month old) mirae asset ELSS tax saver-1.5K/month(12 month old) quant ELSS tax saver-3K/month(16 month old) Kotak ELSS tax saver-2K/month(16 month old) SBI PSU direct plan-3K/month( 1 month) Aditya birla sunlife PSU equity fund- 5K/month(1 month) need your expertise if I need to change funds...these are combined investment by me & my wife..TAX saver are required to avoid tax liability under 80C...
Ans: Congratulations on your commitment to building wealth through mutual fund investments. Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable, and I'm here to provide guidance on optimizing your portfolio to achieve your goal of accumulating ?50 lakh by age 40.

Understanding Your Investment Portfolio
Your current portfolio reflects a diversified mix of mutual funds, including small-cap funds, ELSS tax savers, and sector-specific funds. It's evident that you've prioritized tax planning while also seeking growth opportunities through equity investments.

Evaluating Fund Selections
While your fund selections demonstrate a thoughtful approach, it's essential to periodically review and assess their performance and suitability for your investment objectives. Consider factors such as fund performance, risk-adjusted returns, expense ratios, and fund manager expertise.

Assessing Small-Cap Funds
Investing in small-cap funds can offer significant growth potential over the long term but comes with higher volatility and risk. Given the aggressive nature of small-cap investments, ensure they align with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Reviewing ELSS Tax Savers
ELSS tax saver funds serve dual purposes of tax savings and wealth creation. However, it's crucial to diversify across multiple ELSS funds to mitigate concentration risk. Evaluate each fund's performance and consistency to ensure they contribute effectively to your portfolio's growth.

Monitoring Sector-Specific Funds
Sector-specific funds, such as PSU equity funds, provide exposure to specific industries or sectors. While these funds can outperform broader market indices during favorable market conditions, they also carry sector-specific risks. Monitor their performance closely and consider diversifying across sectors to reduce concentration risk.

Consolidating and Streamlining
Consider consolidating your mutual fund holdings to streamline your portfolio and minimize administrative complexities. Focus on high-quality funds with proven track records of consistent performance and adherence to investment objectives.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk-return profile. Reallocate investments based on changing market conditions, individual fund performance, and evolving financial goals.

Conclusion
In conclusion, optimizing your mutual fund portfolio requires a disciplined approach to fund selection, monitoring, and rebalancing. By periodically reviewing your investments and making informed decisions, you can enhance the growth potential of your portfolio and work towards achieving your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I am a software employee currently earning 25L per annuam i have started invested in mutual funds, invested around 15L lumpsum in different funds such as 4.5L debt 10.5L in Equity (3.5L Large, 3L Midcap, 2L Smallcap, 2L Flexicap) if I have STP of 20K per month from ICICI Debt fund to ICICI Bluechip, and another STP from ICICI Bluechip to ICICI Debt fund, will I be able to overcome or avoid tax when I withdraw my money to buy a house after 15 years of 2 crores? assume if the gains are less than 1 lakh per annum will it apply to other fund manager as well as I have invested in different funds as well like ICICI, TATA, SBI?
Ans: Firstly, it’s impressive to see your well-structured investment approach. You’ve diversified your mutual funds across debt and equity, which is excellent for managing risk and optimizing returns. Investing Rs 15 lakhs with a mix of Rs 4.5 lakhs in debt and Rs 10.5 lakhs in various equity funds shows thoughtful planning. Your Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) strategy indicates a keen interest in maximizing returns while managing risks.

You asked about the tax implications and the effectiveness of your STP strategy for your goal of buying a house worth Rs 2 crores in 15 years. Let's break this down into manageable sections.

Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) Strategy
How STP Works
An STP allows you to transfer a fixed amount from one mutual fund to another at regular intervals. This is often used to move funds from a debt fund to an equity fund or vice versa. The primary benefits include:

Rupee Cost Averaging: Helps mitigate market volatility by averaging the purchase cost over time.
Regular Income Stream: Useful for systematic withdrawals in retirement.
Tax Efficiency: Potential to manage capital gains taxation more effectively.
Your Current STP Setup
You have set up an STP of Rs 20,000 per month from an ICICI Debt Fund to an ICICI Bluechip Fund and another STP from ICICI Bluechip Fund to ICICI Debt Fund. This strategy suggests a dynamic approach to managing your investments, aiming to balance risk and return.

Tax Implications
Capital Gains Tax on Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity funds are taxed at 10% if the gains exceed Rs 1 lakh per annum. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 15%.

Debt Funds: Long-term gains (after 3 years) are taxed at 20% with indexation benefits. Short-term gains are added to your income and taxed as per your slab rate.

Using STP for Tax Efficiency
Your strategy to transfer funds between debt and equity aims to minimize tax liabilities. Here's how:

Minimize Large Lump Sum Withdrawals: By transferring smaller amounts periodically, you can ensure that any capital gains realized in a financial year stay below the Rs 1 lakh threshold, thus avoiding LTCG tax on equity funds.
Utilize STCG/LTCG Efficiently: Regular transfers can help manage the timing of gains, potentially using annual exemptions effectively.
Applicability to Other Funds
The tax principles apply universally across all mutual fund schemes, irrespective of the fund house (ICICI, TATA, SBI, etc.). However, the effectiveness of your strategy can vary based on individual fund performance and market conditions.

Building a Rs 2 Crore Corpus
Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Equity Investments: Rs 10.5 lakhs divided into large-cap (Rs 3.5 lakhs), mid-cap (Rs 3 lakhs), small-cap (Rs 2 lakhs), and flexi-cap (Rs 2 lakhs). Equity investments typically offer higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility.
Debt Investments: Rs 4.5 lakhs in debt funds provide stability and lower but more predictable returns.
Growth Potential
Given the long-term horizon of 15 years, your equity investments are likely to experience substantial growth, thanks to the power of compounding. However, market fluctuations can impact short-term returns, so it's important to stay invested and not react to market volatility.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is a powerful tool in wealth creation. Reinvesting earnings leads to exponential growth over time. The longer the investment period, the more pronounced the effects of compounding, especially in equity funds. Staying invested for 15 years allows your money to grow significantly.

Rebalancing and Monitoring
Importance of Rebalancing
Rebalancing your portfolio periodically ensures that your asset allocation remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Over time, market movements can shift your original allocation, potentially increasing risk.

When to Rebalance
Consider rebalancing:

Annually: Review your portfolio once a year to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Market Movements: Significant market movements can alter your asset allocation.
Life Events: Changes in financial goals or life circumstances might necessitate rebalancing.
Monitoring Performance
Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds. Assess if they are meeting your expectations and adjust your strategy if necessary. It’s essential to stay informed and proactive in managing your investments.

Mutual Fund Categories and Benefits
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity funds invest in stocks and aim for high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals due to their growth potential.

Large-cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. Lower risk compared to mid and small-cap funds.
Mid-cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies. Higher growth potential but also higher risk.
Small-cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies. Highest growth potential but also the highest risk.
Flexi-cap Funds: Invest across different market capitalizations. Offer diversification and flexibility.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They offer stability and regular income.

Liquid Funds: Invest in short-term instruments. Suitable for emergency funds.
Short-term and Long-term Debt Funds: Based on the duration of investment, offering predictable returns.
Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, offering a balanced approach. They aim to provide growth potential along with stability.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers who make investment decisions on your behalf.
Diversification: Reduces risk by investing in a wide range of securities.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell, providing flexibility.
Systematic Investment and Withdrawal Plans: Offers the flexibility to invest or withdraw regularly.
Risks of Mutual Funds
Market Risk: Equity funds are subject to market volatility.
Interest Rate Risk: Debt funds are affected by changes in interest rates.
Credit Risk: Risk of default in debt instruments.
Disadvantages of Index and Direct Funds
Index Funds
Passive Management: Follow a benchmark index. May not outperform the market.
Lack of Flexibility: Cannot take advantage of market opportunities.
Lower Returns: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds during volatile markets.
Direct Funds
Requires Expertise: Need significant market knowledge and constant monitoring.
Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments can be time-consuming.
Higher Risk: Without professional guidance, the risk of making poor investment choices increases.
Final Insights
Your STP strategy from debt to equity and vice versa is thoughtful. It aims to manage risk, optimize returns, and minimize tax liabilities. To achieve your goal of buying a Rs 2 crore house in 15 years, consider the following:

Stay Invested: Long-term investment in equity funds can yield substantial growth due to compounding.
Monitor and Rebalance: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals.
Utilize Tax Efficiency: Use STPs effectively to manage capital gains and tax liabilities.
Seek Professional Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help you navigate your investment journey.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I have started investing in below mutual funds from the past 3 years Tata Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 10k SIP Tata Nifty Midcap 150 Momentum 50 Index Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 10k SIP Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund -Growth-Direct Plan 10k SIP HSBC Midcap Fund - Direct Growth 10k SIP ICICI Prudential All Seasons Bond Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 10k SIP ICICI Prudential Pharma Healthcare and Diagnostics (P.H.D) Fund Direct Plan Growth 10k SIP ICICI Prudential India Equity FOF Direct Plan Growth 10k SIP Kotak Flexicap Fund - Direct Growth 10k SIP can you analyze my portfolio and let me know for my 5cr corpus for next 10 years one more question what if I STP of 10k from Tata small cap to Tata nifty, and Tata nifty to Tata small cap will the capital gains taxes can be avoided ?
Ans: Your commitment to investing Rs. 80,000 per month in mutual funds is commendable. Let's analyze your portfolio and see how you can achieve your goal of a Rs. 5 crore corpus in the next 10 years.

Your Current Portfolio
Tata Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan - Growth

Small cap funds offer high growth potential but come with high risk. These funds invest in smaller companies that can deliver high returns but can also be volatile.

Tata Nifty Midcap 150 Momentum 50 Index Fund - Direct Plan - Growth

Index funds track the performance of a specific index. While they offer diversification, they are passively managed and may not outperform actively managed funds.

Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund - Growth - Direct Plan

This is a large cap fund, investing in well-established companies. Large cap funds provide stability and consistent returns with lower risk compared to small and mid cap funds.

HSBC Midcap Fund - Direct Growth

Mid cap funds invest in medium-sized companies. They offer a balance between risk and return, with potential for good growth.

ICICI Prudential All Seasons Bond Fund - Direct Plan - Growth

Bond funds invest in debt securities and provide stable returns with lower risk. They are suitable for conservative investors looking for regular income.

ICICI Prudential Pharma Healthcare and Diagnostics (P.H.D) Fund Direct Plan Growth

Sectoral funds invest in specific sectors. They offer high growth potential but come with high risk due to lack of diversification.

ICICI Prudential India Equity FOF Direct Plan Growth

Fund of funds (FOF) invest in other mutual funds. They offer diversification but come with higher expense ratios due to multiple layers of management fees.

Kotak Flexicap Fund - Direct Growth

Flexicap funds invest across market capitalizations. They provide flexibility to invest in large, mid, and small cap stocks based on market conditions.

Portfolio Assessment
Your portfolio is diversified across various types of funds. However, it has a high concentration in direct plans and index funds. Let's discuss the disadvantages of direct plans and index funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Plans
Direct plans require active management and knowledge of the market. They may save on commission costs but can be less beneficial if not actively monitored. Investing through a certified financial planner can provide professional advice and better fund selection.

Advantages of Investing Through Mutual Fund Distributors (MFD)
Professional Advice
MFDs provide expert advice and help in selecting the right funds based on your financial goals and risk appetite. They have in-depth market knowledge and experience.

Personalized Portfolio Management
MFDs offer personalized portfolio management. They continuously monitor your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to align with your goals.

Regular Updates and Reviews
MFDs provide regular updates on your investments and conduct periodic reviews. They ensure your investments are on track to meet your financial goals.

Simplified Investment Process
MFDs simplify the investment process. They handle all the paperwork, follow-up, and compliance requirements, saving you time and effort.

Disadvantages of Investing Directly
Lack of Professional Guidance
Investing directly means you miss out on professional guidance. Making informed decisions requires market knowledge, which can be challenging for individual investors.

Higher Risk of Mistakes
Without professional advice, the risk of making investment mistakes increases. Wrong fund selection or timing can lead to suboptimal returns.

Time-Consuming
Managing investments directly is time-consuming. It requires continuous monitoring and adjusting based on market conditions, which can be challenging for busy professionals.

Emotional Biases
Investing directly can lead to emotional biases. Fear and greed can drive decisions, leading to poor investment choices.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds are passively managed and may not outperform actively managed funds. They strictly follow the index, which means they can miss out on opportunities to outperform the market. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have professional fund managers aiming to beat the market.

Investment Strategy for Rs. 5 Crore Corpus
Achieving a Rs. 5 crore corpus in 10 years requires disciplined investing and a well-planned strategy.

Maintain a Balanced Portfolio
Balance your portfolio with a mix of equity and debt funds. Equity funds provide high returns, while debt funds offer stability.

Equity Funds

Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for high growth potential. Include a mix of large cap, mid cap, and small cap funds. Flexicap funds can provide flexibility to adjust based on market conditions.

Debt Funds

Include debt funds for stability and regular income. They reduce overall portfolio risk and provide cushion during market volatility.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Continue your SIPs to ensure disciplined investing. SIPs help in averaging out the cost of investment and reduce the impact of market volatility.

Diversify Across Fund Houses
Diversifying across different fund houses reduces risk. Different fund houses have different management styles and performance records.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio regularly and rebalance if needed. Market conditions change, and rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your goals.

Avoid Frequent Switching
Frequent switching between funds can lead to capital gains taxes and exit loads. Stick to your investment plan and make changes only if necessary.

Understanding Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) and Tax Implications
STP allows transferring a fixed amount from one mutual fund to another regularly. It helps in averaging out the investment cost.

STP from Tata Small Cap to Tata Nifty

If you use STP to transfer funds, it is considered a redemption from one fund and an investment in another. This triggers capital gains taxes.

Capital Gains Taxes

Short-term capital gains (STCG) for equity funds are taxed at 15%. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1 lakh per year are taxed at 10%. For hybrid debt funds, STCG is taxed as per your income tax slab, and LTCG is taxed at 20% with indexation benefits.

Avoid frequent STPs to minimize tax liabilities. Stick to your long-term investment plan.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is your best friend in long-term investing. The returns on your investments generate additional returns, leading to exponential growth.

Example of Compounding
If you invest Rs. 10,000 per month in an equity fund with an average annual return of 12%, in 10 years, your investment grows significantly due to compounding. The longer you stay invested, the more powerful the compounding effect.

Mutual Funds: Categories, Advantages, and Risks
Large Cap Funds

Invest in well-established companies
Offer stability and consistent returns
Lower risk compared to small and mid cap funds
Mid Cap Funds

Invest in medium-sized companies
Balance between risk and return
Potential for good growth
Small Cap Funds

Invest in smaller companies
High growth potential but high risk
Suitable for aggressive investors
Debt Funds

Invest in fixed-income securities
Provide stable returns with lower risk
Suitable for conservative investors
Hybrid Funds

Mix of equity and debt funds
Balance between risk and return
Flexibility to adjust based on market conditions
Sectoral Funds

Invest in specific sectors
High growth potential but high risk
Lack of diversification
Fund of Funds (FOF)

Invest in other mutual funds
Offer diversification
Higher expense ratios due to multiple layers of fees
Final Insights
Your disciplined investment in mutual funds is impressive. To achieve a Rs. 5 crore corpus, maintain a balanced portfolio, continue your SIPs, and avoid frequent switching to minimize tax liabilities. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals.

Avoid direct and index funds for better professional management and potential outperformance. Utilize the power of compounding by staying invested for the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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