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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, i have invested Rs 2 lacs in HDFC Manufacturing NFO. I am looking at a horizon of 5 years plus. Is it a good decision? If 5 years is a good timeline for appreciation, do you suggest i invest a little more , around 3 lacs so total 5 lacs? Kindly suggest.

Ans: It's great to see your interest in exploring investment opportunities, but it's important to carefully evaluate your options, especially with thematic funds like HDFC Manufacturing NFO. Here's some advice to consider:

Thematic funds like HDFC Manufacturing NFO focus on specific sectors or themes, in this case, the manufacturing sector. While these funds can offer potential for high returns during favorable market conditions, they also come with higher risks and volatility due to their concentrated exposure. Here are some key points to consider:

Risk and Volatility: Thematic funds are inherently riskier than diversified equity funds because they invest in a specific sector or theme. Any adverse developments or changes in the sector's fundamentals can significantly impact the fund's performance.
Cyclical Nature: Sectoral funds are often cyclical, meaning their performance is closely tied to the economic cycles and business cycles of the specific sector they invest in. This can lead to periods of outperformance followed by periods of underperformance.
Lack of Diversification: Thematic funds lack diversification as they focus on a specific sector or theme. Diversification is crucial for reducing risk and minimizing the impact of adverse events in any particular sector.
Long-Term Considerations: While thematic funds can offer short-term gains during favorable market conditions, they may not be suitable for long-term wealth creation. Diversified equity funds, on the other hand, provide broader exposure to multiple sectors and companies, reducing concentration risk.
Considering these factors, it's important to assess whether the potential benefits of investing in HDFC Manufacturing NFO outweigh the risks, especially given your investment horizon of 5 years plus. Instead of concentrating your investments in a single thematic fund, you may consider diversifying your portfolio by investing in a mix of diversified equity funds across different market segments. This approach can help spread risk and potentially offer more stable returns over the long term.

As for investing an additional 3 lakhs in HDFC Manufacturing NFO, it's advisable to first evaluate your overall asset allocation, risk tolerance, and investment goals before making any further commitments. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial objectives and help you make informed investment decisions.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

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I am planning to Invest in NFO (HDFC Manufacturing Fund). And plan to invest for 2 years the same amount. And after that every year increase by 10% to 15%. How good is this Investment plan. Please advise.
Ans: Your interest in investing in the HDFC Manufacturing Fund New Fund Offer (NFO) is commendable. It’s crucial to evaluate such investments carefully, especially when considering sectoral funds and NFOs. Let’s explore the potential downsides of NFOs and sectoral funds and understand why you might want to consider other options.

Firstly, your proactive approach to increasing your investment amount annually by 10% to 15% is excellent. This strategy reflects a commitment to growing your wealth systematically.

Understanding NFOs
Lack of Performance History
One of the primary disadvantages of investing in NFOs is the lack of a performance track record. Unlike established funds, NFOs do not have historical data to demonstrate how they perform across different market cycles. This makes it challenging to gauge their potential for future returns.

Marketing Hype
NFOs are often heavily marketed, creating a sense of urgency and excitement. However, this hype can overshadow the fund’s actual investment strategy and potential risks. Investors might get swayed by marketing campaigns without fully understanding the implications of their investment.

Initial Costs
NFOs sometimes come with initial costs, such as entry loads, which can eat into your returns. Established funds often have lower expense ratios and no entry loads, making them more cost-effective in the long run.

Disadvantages of Sectoral Funds
High Risk and Volatility
Sectoral funds, like the HDFC Manufacturing Fund, focus on a specific industry. This concentration can lead to high risk and volatility. If the manufacturing sector faces a downturn, your entire investment could be adversely affected. Diversification is limited, increasing the impact of sector-specific risks.

Lack of Diversification
Sectoral funds do not offer the broad diversification found in multi-cap or flexi-cap funds. Investing heavily in one sector means your portfolio is not protected against risks in that particular sector. Diversified funds spread investments across various sectors, reducing overall risk.

Economic Cycles Impact
Sectoral funds are highly sensitive to economic cycles. The manufacturing sector, for example, can be significantly affected by economic downturns, changes in government policies, and global market conditions. This sensitivity can lead to unpredictable returns.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
Investment Horizon
Given your plan to invest for two years and then increase your investment annually, it’s essential to align your strategy with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Sectoral funds are generally more suitable for experienced investors with a higher risk appetite and a longer investment horizon.

Consider Diversified Funds
Instead of sectoral funds, consider investing in diversified equity funds. These funds spread your investment across various sectors and companies, providing better risk management and potentially more stable returns. Diversified funds can include large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, offering a balanced approach.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to ensure your investment strategy aligns with your long-term financial goals. A CFP can provide personalized recommendations based on your risk profile and investment objectives.

Conclusion
Investing in NFOs and sectoral funds comes with significant risks due to the lack of performance history, high volatility, and limited diversification. Instead, consider diversified equity funds for a more balanced and stable investment approach. Your proactive strategy of increasing investment annually is commendable, and with the right guidance, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Hi sir Iam 38 years old.. From past 10 months Iam investing in quant small cap MF for around 50 K .. Now I have decided to reduce my SIP to 25 K in quant small cap and add another 25 K in Parag Parikh flex cap >>hope this 2 funds are good ? >>I have 5 Lakh cash .. which I want to invest lumsum in HDFC balanced Advantage growth plan MF , every month 1 lakhs for 5 month Hope the HDFC MF and my decisions is correct ? Reason for selecting HDFC. To get decent rerun .. not much risk
Ans: Investment Strategy Assessment
Your decision to diversify your investments is commendable.

Investing Rs. 25,000 in Quant Small Cap Fund and Rs. 25,000 in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund can provide a balanced approach.

Fund Analysis
Quant Small Cap Fund:

Small-cap funds can provide high growth potential.
They come with higher risk due to market volatility.
Reducing your SIP in this fund can help balance risk.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund:

Flexi cap funds invest across market capitalizations.
This provides flexibility and reduces risk.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund is known for its strong management.
Balanced Approach
Your strategy of splitting investments between small-cap and flexi-cap funds can offer:

Growth Potential: From small-cap investments.
Stability: Through the diversified nature of the flexi-cap fund.
Lump Sum Investment
Investing Rs. 5 lakhs in HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund over five months is a good approach.

HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund:

Balances between equity and debt, reducing risk.
Provides a cushion against market volatility.
Suitable for investors seeking moderate risk and decent returns.
Investing in Tranches
Investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly over five months has benefits:

Reduces Risk: Through rupee cost averaging.
Smoothens Volatility: By spreading out investments.
Your Decision
Your choices show a balanced approach towards growth and stability.

Benefits of Professional Advice
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has advantages:

Expertise: Tailored financial planning.
Guidance: On fund selection and portfolio management.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds may seem cost-effective but have drawbacks:

Lack of Guidance: No expert advice on fund selection.
Time-Consuming: Requires more research and monitoring.
Benefits of Regular Funds through MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through Mutual Fund Distributors (MFD) with CFP credential offers:

Professional Advice: Expert guidance on fund choices.
Comprehensive Planning: Integrated financial strategies.
Holistic Investment Planning
For a 360-degree investment solution, consider:

Diversification: Across asset classes and market segments.
Regular Review: Of your portfolio to align with goals.
Risk Management: Balancing between growth and stability.
Final Insights
Your investment decisions show a strategic approach.

Diversifying between small-cap and flexi-cap funds can offer balanced growth.
Investing in HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund can provide stability.
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner ensures tailored advice and better portfolio management.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 04, 2024

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Hi i have invested 2 lacs per year in HDFC Sanchay Retirement Combo plan. I lac is for capital guaranteed plan where i will get 20 lacs in in 2042. And 1 lac is invested in market linked plan where i was promised that i will receive 1 lacs per month after 18 years. Is this plan good ? Or a scam ?? I'm 28 years old and want to retire by 45 years
Ans: Current Investment Overview
Investment Vehicle: HDFC Sanchay Retirement Combo Plan
Annual Investment: Rs 2 lakhs (Rs 1 lakh in a capital guaranteed plan and Rs 1 lakh in a market-linked plan)
Capital Guaranteed Plan: Promised Rs 20 lakhs in 2042
Market-Linked Plan: Promised Rs 1 lakh per month after 18 years
Age: 28 years
Retirement Goal: Retire by 45 years
Analysis of the HDFC Sanchay Retirement Combo Plan
Capital Guaranteed Plan
Promise: Rs 20 lakhs in 2042

Duration: 18 years

Annual Contribution: Rs 1 lakh

Evaluation:

Return Rate: Calculate the compound annual growth rate (CAGR) to evaluate returns.
Inflation: Rs 20 lakhs in 2042 may have lower purchasing power due to inflation.
Flexibility: Check the plan’s liquidity and penalties for early withdrawal.
Market-Linked Plan
Promise: Rs 1 lakh per month after 18 years

Duration: 18 years

Annual Contribution: Rs 1 lakh

Evaluation:

Performance: Market-linked plans depend on the performance of the underlying assets.
Risk: Higher risk compared to guaranteed plans.
Transparency: Understand the underlying investments and associated fees.
Concerns and Considerations
Capital Guaranteed Plan
Low Returns: Such plans often offer lower returns compared to mutual funds or other investment vehicles.
Inflation Impact: Fixed returns may not keep pace with inflation, reducing real value.
Lock-In Period: Long lock-in period may restrict financial flexibility.
Market-Linked Plan
Uncertain Returns: Returns are not guaranteed and depend on market performance.
Promises: Be cautious of promises of high returns. Verify with documented terms and conditions.
High Fees: Market-linked plans can have higher management fees and charges.
Better Alternatives
Diversified Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: Higher potential returns with long-term growth prospects.
Debt Mutual Funds: Stable returns with lower risk, ideal for capital preservation.
Balanced Funds: Combination of equity and debt for balanced growth and stability.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Monthly Investments: Invest smaller amounts monthly for rupee cost averaging.
Flexibility: Easily adjustable contributions based on financial situation.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Tax Benefits: Tax-free returns and principal under Section 80C.
Safety: Government-backed and secure.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Expert fund managers aim for higher returns.
Dynamic Allocation: Adjusts to market conditions for optimal performance.
Diversification: Spreads risk across various sectors and assets.
Final Insights
Reevaluate Current Plan: The HDFC Sanchay Retirement Combo Plan may not be the best fit given the low returns and long lock-in period.
Explore Alternatives: Consider diversified mutual funds, SIPs, and PPF for better returns and flexibility.
Consult a CFP: A Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice and help optimize your investment strategy.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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