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46-Year-Old Kolkata Resident Seeking Investment Advice for Daughter's Education and Retirement

Anil

Anil Rego  |380 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Anil Rego is the founder of Right Horizons, a financial and wealth management firm. He has 20 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
He’s an expert in income tax and wealth management.
He has completed his CFA/MBA from the ICFAI Business School.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi
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Iam 46 years old working in private sector with nominal growth. Per month income of 21000 rs . Plus I have my house ancestral property with my share approximately 60 lacs and invested amount of 12 lakhs.No provident fund deposit. I have on going life insurance from Bajaj Allianz with projection of Rs 68 lacs in future by 12 years from now. I have school going girl child class 9 standard. My priority is to provide her with good quality education. Then her marriage expenses. How should I prioritised my challenges. Keep an eye on 58 years retirement. Kolkata

Ans: Hi,
The income is on the lower side to plan for expensive education and marriage. However, these are personal decisions that one can take to reduce the expenses. If one wants to plan for expensive education and marriage, you can look to come out of the ancentral property and invest the amount into Balanced advantage funds/Hybrid funds to plan for the education and marriage.
Best Regards,
Anil Rego,
Founder & CEO,
Right Horizons
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 21, 2024Hindi
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I am a 45 years old Teacher living in my own house and working in a private school in Durgapur, West Bengal.I use to earn rs 55K per month.I save rs. 20K per month for retirement in ppf and pf and rs. 10K in mutual fund for the education of my 10 years old son.My monthly household expense is 25K. I have a corpus of 32L for my retirement and 15L for my child's education. I have 3 goals 1. Smooth retirement life after age 60 2. Rs. 50L for my childs education 3. A 3 BHK flat in Kolkata What modification I have to make to fulfil my goals.
Ans: You wish to plan for your future and achieve some big dreams: a happy retirement, your son's education and a new home in Kolkata. Now let’s break it down simply for you –

Securing your retirement:
• You've saved ?32 lakh, but reaching a comfortable retirement might require more. You may want to consider increasing your retirement savings

Securing Your Son's Future:
• ?50 lakh is a great goal for your son's education, but remember costs can rise.
• Explore scholarship opportunities or even an education loan at the time of requirement.

Reaching for Your Dream Home:
• A 3 BHK flat in Kolkata is a wonderful dream, but it has a price tag.
• Invest any extra money you have (after expenses and savings) in options that can potentially grow your money faster, like equity mutual funds.
• Consider a home loan but ensure you can afford them comfortably.

Remember:
• Track your spending to see where you can save more.
• Have an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.
• Get health insurance for yourself and your family
• Review your progress regularly and adjust your plan as needed.
Achieving these goals won't be easy but with careful planning and maybe some help from a financial advisor, you can reach your goals and build a bright future for yourself and your family!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

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My income is 1.25 l and My wife is 40k with age of 43 yrs both. child is 14 years. I am civil engineer working in private company. and my wife computer engineer is working in Government on contract but it is renew every year. now it is continue for 3 years. I bough 4 house now value is 1.5 cr. PF value is 14l now. Investment in MF and stock 25 lacs and now value is 45 lacs. My wife has one PLI scheme will close next year May24. Will get 8l. one Unit link SIP will finished on jan25. will got 4 l. I have Mediclaim from employer 15l. I have two unitlike insurance of bajaj alliance. Its market value is 14 lacs and insured amount is 31 lacs. paid premium of 1.11 lacs from one policy to other. Gold approx 500 gms.i got rent around 30l from my properties. My city is silvassa .Its not big city but not village. My expences is 2 lacs per annum on child study. SIP 10 thousand. invest instock 25000 k every month. My misc. expences is approx. My misc. monthly expences is 35k appox. cash 2 l only .I have loan pending is worth 8l and EMI is 33k for next 2.5 yr. Please suggest me what to do for future planning in terms of retirement planning, post retirement health insurance, Post Mediclaim policy, child study. as We want to quit job after next 7 years at the age of 50. avg. tour and travelling is expense every year 1l. Sir. Please suggest me. Sejal Chauhan Silvassa Ut of DD and DNH.
Ans: Hi Sejal! You and your wife have done a commendable job in building your assets and investments. You both have a substantial income, and your assets are well-diversified. Let’s focus on how to manage your finances for a secure future, especially considering your plans to retire in 7 years.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income:

Your income: Rs. 1.25 lakhs per month.
Wife's income: Rs. 40,000 per month.
Rental income: Rs. 30 lakhs annually.
Expenses:

Child’s education: Rs. 2 lakhs per annum.
SIP: Rs. 10,000 per month.
Stock investments: Rs. 25,000 per month.
Miscellaneous expenses: Rs. 35,000 per month.
EMI: Rs. 33,000 for 2.5 years.
Assets:

4 houses valued at Rs. 1.5 crores.
PF: Rs. 14 lakhs.
Mutual funds and stocks: Rs. 45 lakhs.
Wife's PLI scheme maturing in May 2024: Rs. 8 lakhs.
ULIP maturing in Jan 2025: Rs. 4 lakhs.
Mediclaim from employer: Rs. 15 lakhs.
Two ULIP policies with Bajaj Allianz: Market value Rs. 14 lakhs, insured amount Rs. 31 lakhs.
Gold: 500 grams.
Cash: Rs. 2 lakhs.
Liabilities:

Pending loan: Rs. 8 lakhs with an EMI of Rs. 33,000 for 2.5 years.
Retirement Planning
1. Assessing Retirement Corpus:

You plan to retire at 50. Considering your current lifestyle, we need to estimate the corpus required to maintain it post-retirement. This includes covering expenses, healthcare, and any other planned activities.

2. Current Investments:

Your current investments in PF, mutual funds, stocks, and real estate are significant. They provide a solid foundation for your retirement corpus. Ensure to continue your SIPs and stock investments as they are performing well.

3. Maximizing PF and PLI:

Your PF and PLI schemes will provide a good lump sum on maturity. Use these funds wisely to either pay off remaining liabilities or reinvest in safer options for retirement.

4. Reinvesting ULIP Maturities:

The ULIP maturity amounts in 2024 and 2025 should be reinvested in diversified mutual funds. This can offer better returns compared to reinvesting in another ULIP.

Post-Retirement Health Insurance
1. Mediclaim Continuation:

You have a mediclaim policy from your employer, but post-retirement, you will need a personal health insurance plan. Start looking for a comprehensive health insurance policy now to cover you and your family post-retirement.

2. Critical Illness Coverage:

Consider adding critical illness coverage to your health insurance. This ensures financial support in case of serious health issues which may require expensive treatments.

Managing Current Expenses
1. Education Expenses:

Your child's education expenses are significant. Plan for future educational needs, including college expenses. Start an education fund if you haven’t already.

2. EMI and Loan Management:

You have an EMI of Rs. 33,000 for the next 2.5 years. Focus on clearing this loan as soon as possible. Utilize any bonus or additional income to prepay this loan, reducing the interest burden.

3. Miscellaneous Expenses:

Your monthly miscellaneous expenses are Rs. 35,000. Review these expenses to identify any areas where you can cut costs. This will help in increasing your savings rate.

Building a Robust Investment Portfolio
1. Diversified Mutual Funds:

Continue investing in diversified mutual funds. They offer good returns and lower risk compared to sector-specific funds. Use the SIP route to invest regularly and benefit from rupee cost averaging.

2. Balanced Approach:

Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity and debt funds. This reduces risk and provides stable returns. Equity funds for growth and debt funds for stability.

3. Avoid Overexposure to ULIPs:

ULIPs have higher charges and may not provide the best returns. Reassess the value and benefits of your existing ULIPs. Consider surrendering them if the returns are not satisfactory and reinvest in mutual funds.

Power of Compounding
1. Long-Term Growth:

The power of compounding works best with long-term investments. Your mutual funds and SIPs will benefit from this, leading to substantial growth over time.

2. Regular Investments:

Continue your regular investments in SIPs and stocks. Even small amounts invested consistently will grow significantly due to compounding.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
1. Professional Management:

Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers. They make informed decisions to maximize returns while managing risks.

2. Diversification:

Mutual funds offer diversification, spreading your investment across various assets. This reduces risk and enhances potential returns.

3. Liquidity:

Mutual funds are highly liquid. You can redeem your units anytime, providing flexibility in case of financial needs.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
1. Active Management Benefits:

Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. Fund managers make strategic decisions based on market conditions, potentially offering higher returns.

2. Index Funds Limitations:

Index funds simply track a market index. They do not aim to outperform it. Actively managed funds can adjust holdings and strategies to maximize returns.
Sejal, mutual funds (MFs) can play a pivotal role in meeting your children's education goals and your retirement planning. They offer various advantages such as diversification, professional management, and the power of compounding, making them a valuable addition to any financial plan.

Importance of Mutual Funds in Meeting Kids' Education Goals
1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This disciplined approach helps in building a substantial corpus over time. For your child's education, starting a SIP early can make a significant difference due to the power of compounding.

2. Goal-Based Investing:

Mutual funds offer a variety of schemes catering to different goals. You can choose funds based on the timeline and risk profile suitable for your child's education needs. For instance, equity funds for long-term growth and balanced or debt funds for short-term stability.

3. Diversification:

Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of assets, which helps in mitigating risks. By investing in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds, you can ensure that your investments are not overly exposed to market volatility, thereby protecting your child's education fund.

4. Tax Efficiency:

Certain mutual funds, such as Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. Investing in these funds not only helps in wealth creation but also provides tax savings, making them an efficient option for education planning.

5. Flexibility:

Mutual funds offer the flexibility to start or stop SIPs, redeem units, or switch between funds based on your financial situation and goals. This adaptability ensures that you can adjust your investments as per the changing needs and milestones of your child's education.

6. Professional Management:

Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who make informed decisions based on extensive research and market analysis. This expertise can help in generating better returns compared to individual stock picking, ensuring a steady growth of your education fund.

Importance of Mutual Funds in Retirement Planning
1. Long-Term Growth:

Retirement planning requires a long-term investment horizon. Equity mutual funds, in particular, have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long term, thanks to the power of compounding. Starting early and staying invested can significantly enhance your retirement corpus.

2. Regular Income:

Post-retirement, you will need a regular income to maintain your lifestyle. Mutual funds, especially debt funds and hybrid funds, can provide a steady stream of income through systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) or dividend options, ensuring financial stability during retirement.

3. Inflation Protection:

One of the biggest challenges in retirement planning is inflation. Equity mutual funds, with their potential for higher returns, can help in beating inflation over the long term. By allocating a portion of your retirement corpus to equity funds, you can ensure that your purchasing power is maintained.

4. Diversification:

Diversification is crucial in retirement planning to balance risk and return. Mutual funds offer a range of options, including equity, debt, and balanced funds, allowing you to create a diversified portfolio that suits your risk appetite and retirement goals.

5. Tax Efficiency:

Investing in mutual funds can be tax-efficient for retirement planning. Long-term capital gains from equity mutual funds are taxed at a lower rate, and certain funds offer tax-saving benefits. This tax efficiency helps in maximizing your retirement corpus.

6. Liquidity:

Mutual funds are highly liquid investments. You can redeem your investments partially or fully at any time, providing flexibility to meet unforeseen expenses during retirement. This liquidity ensures that you are not locked into investments and can access your funds when needed.

7. Ease of Management:

Mutual funds simplify the process of retirement planning. You can automate your investments through SIPs, and professional fund managers take care of the portfolio management. This ease of management allows you to focus on other aspects of your life without worrying about your investments.

Mutual Funds for Kids' Education Goals
1. Starting Early:

The earlier you start investing for your child's education, the more time your money has to grow. For example, if you start a SIP when your child is born, you have around 18 years to build a substantial education corpus.

2. Choosing the Right Funds:

For long-term goals like education, equity mutual funds are ideal due to their higher return potential. As the time to goal reduces, you can gradually shift to balanced or debt funds to reduce risk and protect the accumulated corpus.

3. Education Planning:

Estimate the future cost of education, considering factors like inflation and the type of education your child might pursue. Based on this estimate, you can calculate the required monthly investment in mutual funds to achieve this goal.

4. Reviewing and Rebalancing:

Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it is on track to meet your education goal. Rebalance the portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation and adjust for market changes.

Mutual Funds for Retirement Planning
1. Retirement Corpus Estimation:

Estimate your retirement corpus by considering your current expenses, future lifestyle, inflation, and life expectancy. This will give you a target amount to aim for through your mutual fund investments.

2. Asset Allocation:

Determine an asset allocation strategy based on your risk tolerance and time to retirement. A mix of equity and debt mutual funds can provide growth and stability to your retirement corpus.

3. SIPs and Lumpsum Investments:

Invest regularly through SIPs to take advantage of rupee cost averaging and market volatility. Additionally, invest any lump sum amounts (bonuses, maturity proceeds) in mutual funds to boost your retirement savings.

4. Withdrawal Strategy:

Plan a systematic withdrawal strategy to ensure a steady income post-retirement. This could involve setting up SWPs from your mutual fund investments or redeeming units periodically based on your cash flow needs.

5. Healthcare Costs:

Include healthcare costs in your retirement planning. As you age, medical expenses are likely to increase. Ensure that you have sufficient coverage through health insurance and allocate a portion of your retirement corpus to meet these expenses.
Importance of Certified Financial Planners (CFPs)
1. Personalized Advice:

A CFP provides personalized financial advice based on your goals and risk tolerance. They can help you build a tailored financial plan.

2. Comprehensive Planning:

CFPs consider all aspects of your financial situation, including investments, insurance, retirement, and estate planning.

3. Peace of Mind:

Working with a CFP gives you peace of mind. You know your financial future is in the hands of a professional who prioritizes your best interests.

Final Insights
Sejal, you have a strong financial foundation with diversified investments. Focus on managing your current liabilities and continue your disciplined investment approach. Ensure you have adequate health insurance post-retirement and a clear plan for your child’s education. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with personalized advice and help you achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2024Hindi
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I am 33 years old. I have a daughter of 2 years. I have parents with high BP and diabetes. I am working on Government sector with net salary 55k. I am investigating 12k in SIP. 4K in axis small cap, 4k parag Parekh flexi cap, 4k in SBI ELSS and 2k in Mirar asset emerging cap. I HBL of 10 lakh. I have medicine insurance and term insurance of 50lakh.NPS contribution 14k. I want 1 CR for my daughter's education. How should I plan.Thank you.
Ans: 1. Current Financial Overview

1.1 Income and Expenses

Net salary: Rs 55,000 per month.
SIP investments: Rs 12,000 per month.
NPS contribution: Rs 14,000 annually.
Insurance: Health and term insurance coverage.
1.2 Existing Investments

SIPs: Rs 12,000 monthly.
Axis Small Cap: Rs 4,000
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap: Rs 4,000
SBI ELSS: Rs 4,000
Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip: Rs 2,000
Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs 10,00,000
Term insurance: Rs 50,00,000.
2. Goal: 1 Crore for Daughter’s Education

2.1 Time Horizon

Assuming the goal is for your daughter’s education in 15 years, you have ample time to accumulate this corpus.
2.2 Investment Strategy

2.2.1 Increase SIP Contributions

Given your long-term goal, consider increasing your SIP contributions progressively.
You can start with a 10-15% increase in SIPs annually to keep pace with inflation and rising costs.
2.2.2 Diversify SIP Investments

Equity Funds: Continue with your current funds, which cover various sectors and market caps.
Balanced Funds: Include some balanced or hybrid funds for stability and growth.
Debt Funds: Consider investing a portion in debt funds for lower risk and stable returns.
2.2.3 Explore Additional Investment Options

Mutual Funds: Actively managed funds can provide better returns compared to passive funds.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Consider adding PPF to your investment mix for tax benefits and guaranteed returns.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Increase your investments in equity funds to maximize growth potential over time.
2.2.4 Evaluate Fixed Deposits

While FDs are safe, their returns are lower compared to equity investments.
Consider allocating a portion of your FD corpus into higher-return investments for long-term growth.
3. Health Insurance and Emergency Fund

3.1 Health Insurance

Ensure your health insurance covers major medical expenses, especially for chronic conditions like diabetes and hypertension.
3.2 Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of 6-12 months of expenses to cover unforeseen situations.
This fund should be liquid and easily accessible.
4. National Pension System (NPS)

4.1 Contribution

Continue with your annual NPS contribution of Rs 14,000.
NPS provides a stable retirement corpus and tax benefits.
4.2 Review

Periodically review your NPS investments and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and retirement goals.
5. Financial Planning for Daughter’s Education

5.1 Target Corpus

To accumulate Rs 1 crore in 15 years, aim for a balanced investment strategy with growth-oriented assets.
5.2 Periodic Review

Regularly review your investment strategy and adjust contributions as needed.
Rebalance your portfolio based on performance and market conditions.
Final Insights

To achieve your goal of Rs 1 crore for your daughter’s education, increase your SIP contributions, diversify investments, and periodically review your financial plan. Balance your investments between equity and debt to ensure growth and stability. Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate health insurance coverage. Regularly monitor and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, i work in a bank my monthly net take home after deductions of house loan n car loan in around 60k. I have two daughters and am a single parent. I brought two plots which costs around 1crore beside the house. My montly expenses are 40k. Monthly I save 5k in postal n 5k in SIP emerging equities. I invest 3k each in SSA account of my daughters. I already have 10lakhs in my PPF account. 3lakhs in my SIP, 25lakhs gold. Iam having other income around 25k. My health insurance cover is 4lakhs , kids included. My House loan in for 50lakhs , with 25yrs repayment of 25k everymonth. Is there anything else i need to modify to make my kids education, marriage n my post retirement better. Am 35yrs now n i have 25 yrs of service.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You are a single parent with two daughters.

You have a net monthly take-home pay of Rs 60k after house and car loan deductions.

Your monthly expenses are Rs 40k.

You save Rs 5k in postal savings and Rs 5k in SIP emerging equities.

You invest Rs 3k each in SSA accounts for your daughters.

You have Rs 10 lakhs in your PPF account and Rs 3 lakhs in SIPs.

You possess Rs 25 lakhs worth of gold.

You have an additional monthly income of Rs 25k.

Your health insurance covers Rs 4 lakhs for you and your kids.

You have a house loan of Rs 50 lakhs with a 25-year repayment of Rs 25k monthly.

Financial Goals
Kids' Education
Kids' Marriage
Post-Retirement Corpus
Investment Strategy
Increasing Savings and Investments
Emergency Fund: Create an emergency fund. It should cover 6-12 months of expenses. You can use liquid funds or a savings account for this.

Diversified Mutual Funds: Invest Rs 5k in diversified equity mutual funds. This balances risk and return.

Debt Mutual Funds: Invest Rs 5k in debt mutual funds for stability and lower risk.

Increase SIPs: Gradually increase SIP amounts in your existing funds.

Kids' Education and Marriage
SSA Accounts: Continue investing in SSA accounts for your daughters. This offers good returns and tax benefits.

Dedicated Education Fund: Start a dedicated mutual fund for your kids' education. Invest Rs 5k monthly. Choose a mix of equity and balanced funds.

Marriage Fund: Create a separate fund for your kids' marriage. Invest Rs 5k monthly in balanced and debt funds.

Retirement Planning
PPF Account: Continue contributing to your PPF account. This offers safe and tax-free returns.

Equity Funds: Increase investment in equity funds. They offer higher returns over the long term.

NPS: Consider investing in the National Pension System (NPS) for additional retirement savings and tax benefits.

Insurance Coverage
Health Insurance: Your current cover is Rs 4 lakhs. This may not be sufficient. Consider increasing it to at least Rs 10 lakhs.

Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance. It should cover your outstanding loans and future financial needs of your children.

Review and Adjust
Annual Review: Regularly review your financial plan. Adjust your investments based on performance and changing goals.

Loan Repayment: Aim to prepay your home loan whenever possible. This reduces the interest burden and frees up resources for investment.

Final Insights
Your current financial plan is solid. However, increasing your investments and insurance coverage will secure your future and your children's future. Create dedicated funds for education, marriage, and retirement. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
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About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

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