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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
krish Question by krish on May 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir, Iam 44 years old ,employed in pvt company and earning 1.8L / Month + rental income of 23K/Month. I Have 2 Kids - 13 and 10 yr old.I invest currently Rs 22000/Month via SIP in various MFs , 50000/annum in NPS & PPF .I have home loan outstanding of 57 L for which i pay EMI of Rs 69,000 / Month. My other monthly expenses come to Rs 94,000.I have a corpus of Rs 30 L in various instruments.Pls advice on how i can pay my debt faster and still make funds available for college education, retirements etc.

Ans: Financial Planning for Debt Repayment and Future Goals
Your dedication to financial stability and providing for your family's future is commendable. Let's outline a comprehensive plan to accelerate debt repayment while securing funds for your children's education and your retirement.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Your monthly income of Rs. 1.8 lakh along with rental income provides a solid foundation.

Despite existing debt and expenses, your disciplined approach to investing via SIPs, NPS, and PPF is impressive.

Assessing Debt Repayment Strategy
Home Loan
Your outstanding home loan of Rs. 57 lakh with an EMI of Rs. 69,000 is a significant liability.

Paying off this debt faster will free up substantial funds for other goals.

Debt Repayment Priority
Prioritize debt repayment to minimize interest costs and achieve financial freedom sooner.

Optimizing Debt Repayment and Investments
Debt Snowball or Avalanche Method
Consider using the debt snowball or avalanche method for faster debt repayment.

Snowball focuses on paying off the smallest debts first, while avalanche tackles high-interest debts.

Utilizing Corpus
Utilize a portion of your Rs. 30 lakh corpus to make a lump-sum payment towards your home loan.

This reduces the principal amount, leading to lower interest payments over time.

Refinancing Options
Explore refinancing options to secure lower interest rates on your home loan.

Lower interest rates can significantly reduce your EMI burden and accelerate debt repayment.

Allocating Funds for Future Goals
Children's Education
Allocate a portion of your monthly surplus towards building an education fund for your children.

Consider investing in mutual funds or education-specific investment vehicles to grow these funds.

Retirement Planning
Continue contributing to NPS and PPF for retirement planning.

Maximize tax benefits while securing a stable retirement income.

Reviewing and Adjusting Financial Plan
Regular Review
Periodically review your financial plan to track progress and make necessary adjustments.

Evaluate debt repayment milestones and investment performance.

Adjusting Investments
As debt decreases, allocate more funds towards investments for future goals.

Increase SIP amounts and explore additional investment avenues for diversification.

Benefits of Regular Funds Investing through MFD with CFP Credential
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require active management and market knowledge.

Investors may lack expertise in fund selection and portfolio management.

Benefits of Regular Funds Investing through MFD with CFP Credential
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures personalized guidance and expert advice.

MFDs provide tailored investment strategies aligned with your financial goals and risk profile.

Conclusion
By prioritizing debt repayment and optimizing investments, you can achieve financial freedom while securing your family's future.

Utilize strategies like lump-sum payments, refinancing, and disciplined investing to expedite debt repayment and build wealth.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner will provide tailored solutions to navigate your financial journey successfully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Money
Hello Sir, My in hand salary is 98000 but loan EMIs and Credit Card bills are 1.75 lacs. I don't have have savings due to multiple medical issues in my family from the 3-4 years. Im heart patient as well. Can you please guide me the way to com out from my debts. Thanks
Ans: I appreciate your courage in sharing your situation. Managing financial stress, especially with health issues, is challenging. Let's create a practical plan to help you get out of debt and build a secure financial future.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Monthly Income: Rs 98,000
Monthly Debt Obligations: Rs 1.75 lakhs
Savings: None due to medical expenses
Immediate Steps to Manage Debt
Assessing Your Debt
Total Debt: Calculate the total amount owed, including all loan EMIs and credit card bills.
Interest Rates: Identify the interest rates for each debt. Prioritize high-interest debts first.
Budgeting and Expense Management
Create a Budget: List all your essential monthly expenses (food, utilities, rent, etc.). Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced or eliminated.
Track Spending: Use a notebook or an app to track every rupee spent. This will help you identify areas to cut costs.
Prioritizing Debt Repayment
High-Interest Debt First
Credit Cards: These often have the highest interest rates. Focus on paying more than the minimum due to reduce principal faster.
Personal Loans: Once high-interest debts are managed, focus on personal loans.
Debt Consolidation Options
Debt Consolidation Loan: Consider taking a personal loan to consolidate high-interest debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate.
Balance Transfer: Transfer your credit card balance to a card with a lower interest rate, if possible.
Negotiating with Creditors
Contact Creditors: Explain your financial situation to your creditors. Request lower interest rates or a temporary reduction in monthly payments.
Debt Settlement: If negotiation fails, consider debt settlement. This involves negotiating a lump sum payment that is less than the total amount owed.
Increasing Your Income
Exploring Additional Income Sources
Freelancing: Use skills like writing, graphic design, or tutoring to earn extra income. Platforms like Upwork and Freelancer can help.
Part-Time Jobs: Look for part-time work that fits your schedule. Delivery services, tutoring, or online customer support jobs can provide additional income.
Leveraging Existing Skills
Skill Enhancement: Invest time in enhancing skills that can increase your earning potential. Online courses on platforms like Coursera or Udemy can be helpful.
Networking: Connect with professionals in your field who can offer freelance opportunities or part-time work.
Managing Health and Finances
Health Insurance
Review Existing Policies: Ensure that you and your family have adequate health insurance coverage to reduce out-of-pocket medical expenses.
Government Schemes: Explore government health schemes that may offer assistance with medical costs.
Long-Term Financial Planning
Building an Emergency Fund
Start Small: Once debts are under control, start building an emergency fund. Aim for at least 3-6 months’ worth of living expenses.
Consistency: Contribute a small, consistent amount each month to this fund.
Investing for the Future
Mutual Funds: After stabilizing your finances, consider investing in mutual funds for long-term growth. Start with small SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans).
Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to choose the right funds and investment strategy based on your risk profile and goals.
Addressing Emotional and Psychological Stress
Seeking Support
Family and Friends: Share your concerns with trusted family members or friends who can offer support and advice.
Counseling: Consider seeking help from a financial counselor or a therapist to manage stress and develop coping strategies.
Positive Mindset
Focus on Progress: Celebrate small milestones in your debt repayment journey. Each step brings you closer to financial freedom.
Stay Motivated: Remind yourself of your long-term goals, like owning a home or securing a stable financial future.
Exploring Government and NGO Assistance
Government Schemes
Debt Relief Programs: Research if there are any government debt relief programs available that you may qualify for.
Subsidies and Grants: Explore government subsidies or grants that can assist with medical expenses or other financial needs.
Non-Governmental Organizations
Financial Assistance: Some NGOs offer financial assistance or low-interest loans to individuals in financial distress.
Medical Aid: Look for NGOs that provide support for medical expenses.
Planning for a Sustainable Future
Education and Skill Development
Lifelong Learning: Continue learning and upgrading your skills to increase job opportunities and earning potential.
Certifications: Obtain certifications in your field to enhance your qualifications and career prospects.
Financial Literacy
Financial Education: Educate yourself on personal finance, budgeting, and investing. Books, online courses, and workshops can be valuable resources.
Smart Financial Decisions: Apply your knowledge to make informed financial decisions, avoiding high-interest debt and building savings.
Practical Tips for Financial Discipline
Avoiding High-Interest Debt
Credit Card Usage: Use credit cards sparingly and only if you can pay the full balance each month to avoid interest charges.
Loans: Avoid taking new loans unless absolutely necessary. Focus on repaying existing debts first.
Regular Financial Review
Monthly Check-In: Review your financial situation monthly. Adjust your budget and spending as needed to stay on track.
Annual Goals: Set annual financial goals and review your progress at the end of each year.
Final Insights
Getting out of debt while managing health issues is challenging, but it is possible with a structured plan and disciplined approach. Prioritize paying off high-interest debt first, consider debt consolidation, and explore additional income sources. Manage expenses carefully and seek professional advice to develop a sustainable financial strategy.

Invest in your skills and financial education to improve your long-term earning potential. Seek support from family, friends, and professional counselors to manage emotional stress. Utilize government schemes and NGO assistance to alleviate financial burdens.

Remember, every step you take towards financial stability is progress. Stay focused on your goals, maintain a positive mindset, and celebrate small achievements along the way. With determination and careful planning, you can overcome your financial challenges and build a secure and prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Money
Hello gurus! I am 41, I earn 28 lakhs per month in Chennai. I have a debt of 1.75 lakhs each month. This consist of HL, CL and PL. How can I reduce it quickly?
Ans: At 41, earning Rs. 28 lakhs per month is commendable. However, a debt of Rs. 1.75 lakhs each month can be overwhelming. It includes a home loan (HL), car loan (CL), and personal loan (PL). Reducing this debt quickly will free up more of your income for investments and other financial goals.

Evaluating Your Debt Structure
Before diving into debt reduction, it’s essential to understand your debt structure. Each loan type has different interest rates and repayment terms.

Home Loan (HL): Generally, home loans have lower interest rates and longer tenures. They also offer tax benefits, which can reduce the effective interest rate.

Car Loan (CL): Car loans typically have higher interest rates than home loans. They are secured loans, but the asset (car) depreciates over time, making this debt less favorable.

Personal Loan (PL): Personal loans often have the highest interest rates. They are unsecured, meaning they don’t have collateral backing them. Reducing personal loans should be a priority due to their high cost.

Prioritizing Debt Repayment
To reduce your debt quickly, you should prioritize which loans to pay off first. This strategy is known as the debt avalanche or debt snowball method.

Debt Avalanche Method: Focus on paying off the loan with the highest interest rate first. This approach saves you money on interest in the long run.

Debt Snowball Method: Pay off the smallest loan amount first. This method provides psychological benefits by quickly reducing the number of loans you have.

Given your situation, the debt avalanche method may be more effective due to the high interest rates associated with personal loans.

Creating a Debt Repayment Plan
Now, let’s create a plan to tackle your debt. A structured approach will help you stay focused and achieve your goal faster.

Assess Your Monthly Budget: Start by assessing your monthly budget. Calculate your essential expenses, including EMIs, household expenses, and other commitments.

Identify Surplus Income: With a high monthly income of Rs. 28 lakhs, you should have surplus income after meeting essential expenses. This surplus can be directed towards extra debt payments.

Increase EMI Payments: Consider increasing your EMI payments on the loan with the highest interest rate. Even a small increase can significantly reduce your loan tenure and interest burden.

Make Lump Sum Payments: Whenever you receive a bonus, incentive, or any extra income, use it to make a lump sum payment towards your debt. This will reduce your principal amount and interest burden.

Refinancing or Restructuring Loans
Another strategy to reduce your debt quickly is to refinance or restructure your loans.

Home Loan Balance Transfer: If your home loan interest rate is higher than the current market rates, consider a home loan balance transfer. This can lower your EMI and interest payments.

Consolidate High-Interest Loans: If possible, consolidate your high-interest personal loans into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify repayment and reduce your overall interest cost.

Negotiating with Lenders: Sometimes, lenders are willing to negotiate terms, especially if you have a good credit history. Try negotiating for lower interest rates or extended loan tenures to reduce your monthly burden.

Building an Emergency Fund
Before aggressively paying off your debt, ensure you have an emergency fund in place. This fund should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. It acts as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses, preventing you from taking on more debt.

Controlling Expenses
Reducing your debt quickly requires discipline in managing your expenses.

Track Your Spending: Regularly track your spending to identify areas where you can cut back. Redirect these savings towards debt repayment.

Avoid New Debt: Resist the temptation to take on new debt, especially for discretionary spending. Focus on clearing your existing debt first.

Using Investments Wisely
You may have investments that are not performing well or are not aligned with your financial goals.

Redeem Underperforming Investments: Consider redeeming underperforming or non-essential investments to make a lump sum payment towards your debt. This can accelerate your debt reduction process.

Avoid Redeeming High-Performing Investments: On the other hand, avoid redeeming investments that are performing well and aligned with your long-term goals.

Role of Insurance
Having adequate insurance is crucial when managing debt. It protects your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances.

Life Insurance: Ensure you have enough life insurance coverage to pay off your debts if something happens to you. This will prevent your family from inheriting your debt burden.

Health Insurance: Having comprehensive health insurance is essential. It can prevent unexpected medical expenses from disrupting your debt repayment plan.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Your financial situation may change over time. Regularly monitor your debt repayment plan and adjust it as needed.

Review Your Progress: Every few months, review your progress. Are you reducing your debt as planned? If not, identify the challenges and adjust your strategy.

Stay Disciplined: Reducing debt quickly requires discipline. Stay committed to your plan, even if it means making short-term sacrifices for long-term benefits.

Final Insights
Reducing your debt quickly is achievable with a well-structured plan and disciplined approach. Focus on paying off high-interest loans first, increase your EMI payments, and make lump sum payments whenever possible.

Refinancing or restructuring your loans can also help reduce your monthly burden. Ensure you have an emergency fund in place and adequate insurance coverage to protect your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi. I am 32 years male earning 82000 monthly. I have 4 members to support at home. I have personal loans of 24 lakh which is need to pay at earliest and save for my child future studies. I currently save 5000 monthly in mutual fund and 50000 yearly in LIC also I have term plan of 2 cr. Please guide how to clear the debt and save for future.
Ans: You’re 32 and managing the financial responsibilities of a family of four while striving to clear a significant personal loan of Rs 24 lakhs. Balancing debt repayment with saving for your child's future and ensuring financial stability can be challenging but achievable. Let’s dive into a detailed plan tailored for you.

Commendable Efforts and Positive Steps
Steady Income: Earning Rs 82,000 monthly provides a solid foundation to work from.
Current Savings: Saving Rs 5,000 monthly in mutual funds is a great start towards long-term growth.
Term Insurance: Having a Rs 2 crore term plan shows a proactive approach to securing your family’s future.
LIC Policy: Contributing Rs 50,000 annually to an LIC policy reflects your commitment to saving.
Assessing Your Financial Situation
To chart a path forward, we need to understand your income, expenses, debt, and current savings in detail.

Income:

Monthly Salary: Rs 82,000.
Expenses:

Household Expenses: Monthly expenses for supporting a family of four.
Loan EMIs: Monthly payments towards the Rs 24 lakh personal loan.
Savings and Insurance: Rs 5,000 in mutual funds and Rs 50,000 annually in LIC.
Debt:

Personal Loan: Rs 24 lakhs which needs urgent attention to clear.
Savings and Investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 5,000 monthly.
LIC Policy: Rs 50,000 annually.
Term Insurance: Rs 2 crore coverage.
Strategies for Clearing Debt
Eliminating your Rs 24 lakh personal loan quickly should be your top priority. Here’s a structured approach to tackle this debt effectively:

Prioritizing Debt Repayment
Clearing your personal loan should be prioritized to free up cash flow and reduce interest burden.

Steps:

Focus on High-Interest Debt: Personal loans often have high-interest rates. Prioritize this debt to save on interest costs.
Snowball Method: Pay off the smallest debts first to build momentum, then tackle larger ones. This psychological boost can help keep you motivated.
Avalanche Method: Alternatively, pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first to save the most on interest payments.
Budgeting and Expense Management
Creating a detailed budget is crucial to allocate funds effectively towards debt repayment.

Strategies:

Track Your Spending: Monitor all your expenses to understand where your money goes.
Cut Non-Essential Expenses: Identify areas where you can reduce or eliminate spending. Redirect these savings towards loan repayment.
Automate Savings and Payments: Set up automatic transfers for loan payments to ensure timely and consistent payments.
Exploring Additional Income Sources
Boosting your income can accelerate debt repayment and strengthen your financial position.

Ideas:

Part-Time Work: Consider freelance or part-time opportunities that align with your skills and interests.
Sell Unused Items: Declutter your home and sell items you no longer need. Use the proceeds to pay off debt.
Rental Income: If possible, explore renting out a portion of your home or other assets.
Refinancing and Debt Consolidation
Refinancing or consolidating your loans can simplify repayment and potentially lower your interest rate.

Options:

Refinance: Approach your bank to refinance your personal loan at a lower interest rate.
Debt Consolidation: Combine multiple loans into a single loan with a lower interest rate and one monthly payment.
Saving for Your Child’s Future
Simultaneously saving for your child’s education and future while paying off debt requires a balanced approach.

Setting Up an Education Fund
Creating a dedicated fund for your child’s education ensures you’re prepared for future expenses.

Steps:

Estimate Future Costs: Consider the cost of higher education and inflation when planning your savings goal.
Start Early: The earlier you start, the more time your money has to grow.
Regular Contributions: Make consistent contributions to this fund, even if the amount is small initially.
Leveraging Tax Benefits
Take advantage of tax-saving instruments to maximize your savings and reduce your tax liability.

Tax-Saving Strategies:

Section 80C: Utilize investments that offer tax deductions under Section 80C, like certain mutual funds, PPF, and EPF.
Children’s Education Allowance: Claim tax benefits on the education allowance you receive.
Investing in Growth-Oriented Assets
Investing in assets that offer higher returns can help your savings grow faster, though they come with higher risks.

Investment Options:

Equity Mutual Funds: Continue and possibly increase your investments in mutual funds for long-term growth.
Diversified Portfolio: Build a diversified portfolio that includes a mix of equities, bonds, and other asset classes.
Insurance and Risk Management
Ensuring adequate insurance coverage protects your savings and provides peace of mind.

Insurance Strategies:

Term Insurance: Your Rs 2 crore term plan is essential for securing your family’s future.
Health Insurance: Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance to cover medical expenses.
Review and Update Policies: Regularly review your insurance policies to ensure they meet your current needs.
Optimizing Your Financial Plan
A holistic financial plan integrates debt repayment, saving for future goals, and investing for growth.

Balancing Debt and Savings
Striking the right balance between paying off debt and saving for the future is key to financial stability.

Balanced Approach:

Allocate Funds Wisely: Divide your available funds between debt repayment and savings. Prioritize high-interest debt while maintaining savings for emergencies and future goals.
Increase Savings Gradually: As your debt reduces, increase your savings contributions proportionately.
Regular Financial Reviews
Regularly reviewing and adjusting your financial plan ensures it remains aligned with your goals.

Review Strategies:

Annual Reviews: Conduct an annual review of your financial situation to track progress and make necessary adjustments.
Life Changes: Adjust your plan for significant life events, such as changes in income, family needs, or expenses.
Market Conditions: Stay informed about market changes and adjust your investment strategy accordingly.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help you stay on track.

Professional Support:

Personalized Planning: A CFP can tailor a plan based on your specific needs, goals, and risk tolerance.
Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins with your CFP to review progress and adjust your strategy as needed.
Holistic Advice: Benefit from holistic financial advice covering debt management, investment planning, and risk management.
Final Insights
You are on a commendable journey towards financial stability and securing your family’s future. Clearing your personal loan and saving for your child's education simultaneously requires a balanced and strategic approach. Prioritize debt repayment, manage your expenses wisely, and continue investing in growth-oriented assets. With disciplined planning and regular reviews, you can achieve your financial goals and provide a secure future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
This pose massages your abdominal organs and promotes digestion.
2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
As you exhale, round your back (Cat Pose) and tuck your chin to your chest.
Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
3. Malasana (Garland Pose)
Squat down with your feet wide apart and palms together at your chest.
Keep your spine straight and hold this pose for a few breaths.
This pose helps open up the pelvic area, aiding digestion and elimination.
4. Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
This stretches the abdominal area and stimulates digestion.
Tips:

Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
If constipation persists, consult a doctor and consider working with a yoga coach for personalized guidance.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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