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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Vishal Question by Vishal on Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello Sir, My in hand salary is 98000 but loan EMIs and Credit Card bills are 1.75 lacs. I don't have have savings due to multiple medical issues in my family from the 3-4 years. Im heart patient as well. Can you please guide me the way to com out from my debts. Thanks

Ans: I appreciate your courage in sharing your situation. Managing financial stress, especially with health issues, is challenging. Let's create a practical plan to help you get out of debt and build a secure financial future.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Monthly Income: Rs 98,000
Monthly Debt Obligations: Rs 1.75 lakhs
Savings: None due to medical expenses
Immediate Steps to Manage Debt
Assessing Your Debt
Total Debt: Calculate the total amount owed, including all loan EMIs and credit card bills.
Interest Rates: Identify the interest rates for each debt. Prioritize high-interest debts first.
Budgeting and Expense Management
Create a Budget: List all your essential monthly expenses (food, utilities, rent, etc.). Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced or eliminated.
Track Spending: Use a notebook or an app to track every rupee spent. This will help you identify areas to cut costs.
Prioritizing Debt Repayment
High-Interest Debt First
Credit Cards: These often have the highest interest rates. Focus on paying more than the minimum due to reduce principal faster.
Personal Loans: Once high-interest debts are managed, focus on personal loans.
Debt Consolidation Options
Debt Consolidation Loan: Consider taking a personal loan to consolidate high-interest debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate.
Balance Transfer: Transfer your credit card balance to a card with a lower interest rate, if possible.
Negotiating with Creditors
Contact Creditors: Explain your financial situation to your creditors. Request lower interest rates or a temporary reduction in monthly payments.
Debt Settlement: If negotiation fails, consider debt settlement. This involves negotiating a lump sum payment that is less than the total amount owed.
Increasing Your Income
Exploring Additional Income Sources
Freelancing: Use skills like writing, graphic design, or tutoring to earn extra income. Platforms like Upwork and Freelancer can help.
Part-Time Jobs: Look for part-time work that fits your schedule. Delivery services, tutoring, or online customer support jobs can provide additional income.
Leveraging Existing Skills
Skill Enhancement: Invest time in enhancing skills that can increase your earning potential. Online courses on platforms like Coursera or Udemy can be helpful.
Networking: Connect with professionals in your field who can offer freelance opportunities or part-time work.
Managing Health and Finances
Health Insurance
Review Existing Policies: Ensure that you and your family have adequate health insurance coverage to reduce out-of-pocket medical expenses.
Government Schemes: Explore government health schemes that may offer assistance with medical costs.
Long-Term Financial Planning
Building an Emergency Fund
Start Small: Once debts are under control, start building an emergency fund. Aim for at least 3-6 months’ worth of living expenses.
Consistency: Contribute a small, consistent amount each month to this fund.
Investing for the Future
Mutual Funds: After stabilizing your finances, consider investing in mutual funds for long-term growth. Start with small SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans).
Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to choose the right funds and investment strategy based on your risk profile and goals.
Addressing Emotional and Psychological Stress
Seeking Support
Family and Friends: Share your concerns with trusted family members or friends who can offer support and advice.
Counseling: Consider seeking help from a financial counselor or a therapist to manage stress and develop coping strategies.
Positive Mindset
Focus on Progress: Celebrate small milestones in your debt repayment journey. Each step brings you closer to financial freedom.
Stay Motivated: Remind yourself of your long-term goals, like owning a home or securing a stable financial future.
Exploring Government and NGO Assistance
Government Schemes
Debt Relief Programs: Research if there are any government debt relief programs available that you may qualify for.
Subsidies and Grants: Explore government subsidies or grants that can assist with medical expenses or other financial needs.
Non-Governmental Organizations
Financial Assistance: Some NGOs offer financial assistance or low-interest loans to individuals in financial distress.
Medical Aid: Look for NGOs that provide support for medical expenses.
Planning for a Sustainable Future
Education and Skill Development
Lifelong Learning: Continue learning and upgrading your skills to increase job opportunities and earning potential.
Certifications: Obtain certifications in your field to enhance your qualifications and career prospects.
Financial Literacy
Financial Education: Educate yourself on personal finance, budgeting, and investing. Books, online courses, and workshops can be valuable resources.
Smart Financial Decisions: Apply your knowledge to make informed financial decisions, avoiding high-interest debt and building savings.
Practical Tips for Financial Discipline
Avoiding High-Interest Debt
Credit Card Usage: Use credit cards sparingly and only if you can pay the full balance each month to avoid interest charges.
Loans: Avoid taking new loans unless absolutely necessary. Focus on repaying existing debts first.
Regular Financial Review
Monthly Check-In: Review your financial situation monthly. Adjust your budget and spending as needed to stay on track.
Annual Goals: Set annual financial goals and review your progress at the end of each year.
Final Insights
Getting out of debt while managing health issues is challenging, but it is possible with a structured plan and disciplined approach. Prioritize paying off high-interest debt first, consider debt consolidation, and explore additional income sources. Manage expenses carefully and seek professional advice to develop a sustainable financial strategy.

Invest in your skills and financial education to improve your long-term earning potential. Seek support from family, friends, and professional counselors to manage emotional stress. Utilize government schemes and NGO assistance to alleviate financial burdens.

Remember, every step you take towards financial stability is progress. Stay focused on your goals, maintain a positive mindset, and celebrate small achievements along the way. With determination and careful planning, you can overcome your financial challenges and build a secure and prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sir my monthly salary is 28000 and I took a personal loan of 5lacs last year and I have credit card also but with my daily expenses I couldn't pay the total emis and bills so I took some credit from cred application it's almost 3lacs and now I'm unable to pay any of them as my salary is very low to pay so many emis I can't stop thinking about all this I'm facing anxiety and depression due to debts. I want to come out of this debt and get clean from all this problem. I want to save money and live a normal life. I couldn't share it with anyone also. My father us retired and he couldn't help me.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your debts, and I understand how overwhelming and stressful it can be. Please know that you're not alone, and there are steps you can take to work towards financial stability and peace of mind.

Assess Your Debts: Start by listing out all your debts, including personal loans, credit card dues, and any other outstanding amounts. Understanding the total amount owed and the interest rates associated with each debt is the first step towards managing them effectively.
Create a Budget: Evaluate your monthly income and expenses to create a realistic budget. Prioritize essential expenses such as food, rent, and utilities, and allocate any remaining funds towards debt repayment.
Communicate with Creditors: Reach out to your creditors to discuss your financial situation and explore options for repayment. They may be willing to negotiate a payment plan or offer assistance programs to help you manage your debts.
Explore Debt Consolidation: Consider consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate, if possible. This can simplify your repayment process and potentially reduce the overall amount you owe.
Seek Professional Help: If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to proceed, consider seeking assistance from a financial counselor or debt management agency. They can provide guidance, support, and practical strategies for managing your debts and improving your financial situation.
Take Care of Your Mental Health: Remember to prioritize your mental health during this challenging time. Practice self-care techniques such as exercise, meditation, or talking to a trusted friend or therapist to help alleviate anxiety and depression associated with financial stress.
Lastly, please know that it's okay to ask for help, and reaching out for support is a positive step towards regaining control of your finances and your life. You have the strength and resilience to overcome these challenges, and with determination and perseverance, you can work towards a brighter financial future.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir my monthly salary is 20625 and I took a personal loan of 300000 lacs multiple loan app last 2 year and I have credit card also but with my daily expenses I couldn't pay the total emis and bills so I took some credit from cred application it's almost 100000 lacs and now I'm unable to pay any of them as my salary is very low to pay so many emis I can't stop thinking about all this I'm facing anxiety and depression due to debts. I want to come out of this debt and get clean from all this problem. I want to save money and live a normal life. I couldn't share it with anyone also. My father us retired and he couldn't help me.
Ans: You’re facing a tough financial challenge, and it’s understandable. Managing multiple loans and credit card debts on a low salary is stressful. You’ve taken a loan of Rs. 3,00,000 and additional credit of Rs. 1,00,000, leading to overwhelming EMIs. Your daily expenses make it hard to manage these debts, causing anxiety and depression. Let's explore a plan to get you out of this situation and towards financial stability.

Prioritising Mental Health
First and foremost, your mental health is crucial. Financial stress can take a heavy toll. Please know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek help. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or professional can ease the burden. Remember, mental well-being is as important as financial stability.

Assessing Your Debts
Let’s break down your debts:

Personal Loans: Rs. 3,00,000
Credit Card Debt: Rs. 1,00,000
Your total debt stands at Rs. 4,00,000. Given your monthly salary of Rs. 20,625, this debt load is unsustainable. The first step is to understand the exact EMIs and interest rates associated with each loan and credit card.

Creating a Debt Repayment Plan
1. List All Debts

Write down all your debts with their respective EMIs, interest rates, and remaining balances. This helps you see the full picture.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Debts

Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, usually credit cards. These debts grow faster due to high interest, making them harder to repay if not tackled early.

3. Debt Consolidation

If possible, consolidate your loans. This means combining all your loans into one with a lower interest rate. It simplifies repayment and reduces the overall interest burden. Contact your bank for options. They may offer a consolidation loan.

4. Negotiate with Creditors

Approach your creditors and explain your situation. Sometimes, they can offer reduced EMIs, lower interest rates, or extend the loan tenure. This can ease your monthly payment burden.

5. Avoid Taking More Loans

It’s crucial to stop borrowing more money. Avoid any more personal loans or credit. Taking more loans will only worsen your financial situation.

6. Automate Payments

Set up automatic payments for your EMIs. This ensures that you don’t miss payments and incur late fees, which add to your debt.

Cutting Down Expenses
1. Create a Budget

List your essential expenses—rent, groceries, utilities—and allocate your salary accordingly. See where you can cut down unnecessary spending.

2. Reduce Discretionary Spending

Limit spending on non-essentials like dining out, entertainment, and shopping. Redirect this money towards paying off your debt.

3. Focus on Essentials

Stick to spending on essentials only. Avoid any luxury purchases until your financial situation improves.

Exploring Additional Income Sources
1. Part-Time Work

Consider taking up part-time or freelance work. Even a few extra hours a week can significantly increase your income, helping you pay off debts faster.

2. Sell Unnecessary Assets

If you have items at home that you no longer need—gadgets, furniture, etc.—consider selling them. The extra money can be used to pay off debts.

3. Rent Out Space

If you have extra space in your home, consider renting it out. This could bring in additional income to help with debt repayment.

Building an Emergency Fund
Even while paying off debts, it’s essential to build a small emergency fund. Start with a goal of Rs. 5,000. This fund is for unexpected expenses, so you don’t need to rely on credit cards or loans in emergencies.

Planning for the Future
1. Start Small Savings

Once you’ve stabilised your debt situation, start saving a small portion of your income. Even Rs. 500 a month can make a difference over time.

2. Invest Wisely

When you’re ready, consider investing in mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Start with small SIPs. These offer better returns than traditional savings methods like FDs.

3. Focus on Long-Term Goals

Think about your long-term financial goals—buying a house, retirement, etc. Start planning for these once your debts are under control.

Final Insights
You’ve acknowledged your financial difficulties, which is the first step toward solving them. With a structured plan and disciplined approach, you can overcome this challenge. Focus on repaying high-interest debts first, reduce unnecessary expenses, and explore additional income sources. Building a small emergency fund and planning for future investments are also key steps.

Remember, there’s a way out of every problem. It might take time, but with persistence, you can regain control over your finances and live a stress-free life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir my monthly salary is 20625 and I took a personal loan of 300000 lacs multiple loan app last 2 year and I have credit card also but with my daily expenses I couldn't pay the total emis and bills so I took some credit from cred application it's almost 1 lacs and now I'm unable to pay any of them as my salary is very low to pay so many emis I can't stop thinking about all this I'm facing anxiety and depression due to debts. I want to come out of this debt and get clean from all this problem. I want to save money and live a normal life. I couldn't share it with anyone also. My father us retired and he couldn't help me.
Ans: I truly understand how stressful financial difficulties can be. It's commendable that you're seeking help to resolve your debts and plan for a better future. Let's develop a comprehensive strategy to tackle your debts and set you on the path to financial stability.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Firstly, it’s crucial to understand the full picture of your financial situation. Here’s what we know:

Monthly salary: Rs. 20,625
Personal loan: Rs. 3,00,000
Additional credit: Rs. 1,00,000
Total debt: Rs. 4,00,000
Monthly expenses are high, making it difficult to pay EMIs and bills.
Emotional and Mental Well-being
Debt and financial stress can lead to anxiety and depression. It's important to take care of your mental health. Try to talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Sometimes, sharing your burden can make it feel lighter. Professional counseling can also be very helpful.

Immediate Steps to Manage Debt
1. Create a Detailed Budget
List all your monthly income and expenses. This will help you see where your money is going and identify areas where you can cut costs.

2. Prioritize Essential Expenses
Ensure that your basic needs such as food, rent, and utilities are covered first. Allocate funds for these before paying off debts.

3. Negotiate with Creditors
Contact your lenders and explain your situation. They might be willing to restructure your loans or provide a more manageable repayment plan. Some may even offer a temporary reduction in payments.

4. Avoid Taking More Loans
Stop taking new loans or using credit cards. This will only add to your debt and make the situation worse.

Debt Repayment Strategies
1. Debt Consolidation
Consider consolidating all your debts into one loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify your payments and reduce the overall interest you pay.

2. Debt Snowball Method
Focus on paying off the smallest debts first while making minimum payments on larger ones. Once a small debt is cleared, move on to the next smallest. This method gives you a psychological boost as you see debts being eliminated.

3. Debt Avalanche Method
Prioritize paying off the debt with the highest interest rate first while making minimum payments on others. This method reduces the total interest you pay over time.

Boosting Your Income
1. Part-time Jobs or Freelancing
Look for opportunities to earn extra income through part-time jobs or freelancing. Even a small additional income can help reduce your debt faster.

2. Sell Unused Items
Consider selling items you no longer need. This can provide a quick influx of cash to put towards your debts.

Long-term Financial Planning
Once your immediate debts are under control, focus on building a stable financial future.

1. Emergency Fund
Start building an emergency fund to cover 3-6 months of expenses. This will provide a cushion for unexpected financial challenges.

2. Systematic Savings Plan
Begin saving a small portion of your income regularly. Even a small amount can grow over time through disciplined saving.

3. Avoid Unnecessary Spending
Be mindful of your spending habits. Prioritize needs over wants and avoid impulse purchases.

Investment Planning
After stabilizing your financial situation, consider investing to grow your wealth. Here's a simple guide on different investment options.

1. Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from many investors to purchase securities. They offer diversification and professional management.

Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, providing high returns but with higher risk.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, offering stable returns with lower risk.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
2. Power of Compounding
Investing early allows you to benefit from compounding, where your earnings generate more earnings. This can significantly grow your wealth over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a market index. Here are some drawbacks:

Lack of Flexibility: Cannot adapt to market changes.
Market Risk: Entirely exposed to market fluctuations.
Lower Returns: Often underperform actively managed funds.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are managed by professionals who make investment decisions to outperform the market.

Flexibility: Managers can adapt to market changes.
Potential for Higher Returns: Aim to beat the market.
Risk Management: Professional managers can mitigate risks.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have no intermediary, potentially saving costs but have drawbacks:

Lack of Guidance: No professional advice.
Time-Consuming: Requires active management and monitoring.
Higher Risk: Without expert guidance, risk of poor decisions increases.
Benefits of Regular Funds Through CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers numerous advantages:

Professional Advice: Expert guidance on fund selection and portfolio management.
Regular Monitoring: Continuous review and adjustments to optimize returns.
Tailored Portfolio: Customized investment strategy to meet your specific goals.
Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your savings and investment returns.

1. Utilize Tax Deductions
Maximize deductions under sections like 80C through investments in PPF, ELSS, and other eligible instruments.

2. Health Insurance
Premiums paid for health insurance can be deducted under Section 80D, reducing your taxable income.

Estate Planning
Ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes through proper estate planning.

1. Draft a Will
Clearly state how your assets should be distributed. This prevents legal complications and ensures your wishes are honored.

2. Appoint Nominees
Appoint nominees for your bank accounts, insurance policies, and investments. This simplifies the transfer of assets in case of your absence.

Final Insights
Financial challenges can be overwhelming, but with a structured approach, you can overcome them. Prioritize your debts, create a budget, and look for ways to boost your income. Once your debts are under control, focus on building a stable financial future through disciplined saving and investing.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice and guidance. Stay disciplined, and remember, small steps can lead to significant progress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

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Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

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Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

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I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello sir. Currently I am 35 years old. I have just started investing in mutual funds. (a) parag parekh flexi cap - 7500/- per month (B) tata small cap fund -2500/- per month (C) mirae asset ELLS tax saver -5000/- (D) pGIM india mid cap opp. Fund -5000/- (E) quant infrastructure fund-3500/- (F) quant small cap fund -4000/- (G) qyant active fund -3500/- (H) quant absolute fund-5000/- Total i am investing 36000/- per month. I want to get 2 crore till 2035. Additionally i want to invest 1 lakh per annum So my questions is AREA THESE MUTUAL FUNDS ARE OK or I should change any fund. And where should I invest this additional 1 lkh rupee per annum...
Ans: Your commitment to investing Rs. 36,000 monthly at age 35 is admirable. The addition of Rs. 1 lakh annually indicates a strong focus on wealth creation. Let us analyse your portfolio and suggest improvements.

Portfolio Review
Flexi-Cap Fund (Rs. 7,500)
Flexi-cap funds provide the flexibility to invest across market capitalisations.
This flexibility ensures adaptability to changing market trends.
Retaining this allocation adds balance to your portfolio.
Small-Cap Funds (Rs. 2,500 and Rs. 4,000)
Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward investments.
Over a long horizon, they can deliver superior growth but may experience volatility.
Retain small-cap allocation but avoid excessive exposure to manage risks.
ELSS Tax Saver Fund (Rs. 5,000)
ELSS funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C with a 3-year lock-in.
They are a great tool for long-term wealth creation and tax planning.
Continue this SIP, as it aligns with your goals and tax-saving needs.
Mid-Cap Fund (Rs. 5,000)
Mid-cap funds strike a balance between growth and stability.
They are ideal for long-term investors with moderate risk tolerance.
Retain this allocation, as it complements your portfolio.
Infrastructure Fund (Rs. 3,500)
Infrastructure funds focus on the infrastructure sector.
These funds are concentrated and depend heavily on sectoral performance.
Consider reducing or reallocating this amount to more diversified funds.
Quant Small Cap and Active Funds (Rs. 3,500 each)
Having multiple funds in the same category can lead to overlap.
Consolidating funds can simplify management and improve portfolio efficiency.
Quant Absolute Fund (Rs. 5,000)
This fund's balanced approach offers exposure to equity and debt.
Retain this allocation, as it can provide stability during market corrections.
Suggestions for Portfolio Improvement
Simplify Your Portfolio
Holding too many funds increases overlap and complexity.
Retain one well-performing small-cap and multi-cap fund each.
Avoid over-diversification, which can dilute returns.
Focus on Core Categories
Stick to diversified categories like flexi-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.
These funds balance risk and reward effectively over the long term.
Reduce Sector-Specific Allocation
Infrastructure funds are risky due to their dependency on economic cycles.
Consider reallocating this amount to diversified equity funds.
Monitor Performance Annually
Review each fund’s performance over a 3-5 year period.
Replace consistently underperforming funds with better options.
Additional Rs. 1 Lakh Investment
Consider Balanced Approach
Divide Rs. 1 lakh between equity and debt for diversification.
Equity funds for growth and debt instruments for stability.
Allocate to Equity Funds
Invest in existing funds with proven long-term performance.
This will enhance the power of compounding in your portfolio.
Explore Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds reduce portfolio volatility and offer predictable returns.
They are ideal for managing short-term goals or risk diversification.
Emergency Fund Allocation
Use part of this amount to build or enhance your emergency fund.
An emergency fund should cover 6–12 months of expenses.
Achieving Rs. 2 Crore Goal
SIP Continuation
Your Rs. 36,000 monthly SIP is aligned with your Rs. 2 crore target.
Consistency is key to achieving long-term goals.
Incremental Investments
Increase SIP amounts periodically with income growth.
This will help bridge any shortfall and accelerate corpus growth.
Avoid Frequent Changes
Stick to your strategy and avoid impulsive changes during market volatility.
A disciplined approach ensures better results over time.
Taxation Awareness
Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Plan withdrawals accordingly to minimise tax impact.
Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured but needs simplification to improve efficiency. Retain core funds, reduce sectoral exposure, and reallocate overlapping categories. Use the additional Rs. 1 lakh for equity and debt allocation to enhance diversification. Stay disciplined, monitor performance, and increase SIPs periodically to achieve your Rs. 2 crore goal by 2035.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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