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Sunil

Sunil Lala  |203 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jan 19, 2024

Sunil Lala founded SL Wealth, a company that offers life and non-life insurance, mutual fund and asset allocation advice, in 2005. A certified financial planner, he has three decades of domain experience. His expertise includes designing goal-specific financial plans and creating investment awareness. He has been a registered member of the Financial Planning Standards Board since 2009.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2023Hindi
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Hemantji my Salary monthly is around 71000 per month, & the expenses are 16000 EMI , 8000 school fees, house expenses almost 25000. Having polices but of very small values. Request you to please suggest me that what to do so that i get handsome return on my retirement and tomorrow if my son goes for higher studies i have so much left out that i can lead an respectable life

Ans: What is your age
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Money
Hi Expert, I am 39 Years Old and single Earning in family and earn 1 lakh per month. Home Loan 23 lakh ans NPS is 5200 pm and Term plan 1 cr already running. Please suggest some retirement and higher education for child, daughter and son 7 years.
Ans: You are 39 years old, the sole earner in your family, and earn Rs 1 lakh per month. You have a home loan of Rs 23 lakhs and contribute Rs 5200 per month to the NPS. You also have a term plan of Rs 1 crore. Your primary financial goals are planning for retirement and your children’s higher education.

Setting Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Ensure a comfortable retirement with adequate savings.

Children’s Education: Save for your daughter and son’s higher education.

Monthly Savings and Investments
You need to allocate a portion of your income to systematic savings and investments to meet these goals.

Assessing Current Commitments
Home Loan: You have a home loan of Rs 23 lakhs. Ensure timely EMI payments to manage this debt efficiently.

NPS Contribution: You are already contributing to the NPS, which will aid in your retirement planning.

Retirement Planning
Diversified Retirement Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds. These funds provide high returns over the long term, helping you build a substantial corpus.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds provide stability and lower risk, balancing your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular SIPs: Start a SIP in equity mutual funds to build wealth systematically. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Increase SIP Amount Annually: Increase your SIP contributions by 5-10% annually to match inflation and income growth.

National Pension System (NPS)
Continue NPS Contributions: The NPS is a good tool for retirement savings. Continue your monthly contributions of Rs 5200.

Review NPS Allocation: Ensure your NPS investments are well-diversified between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Children’s Education Planning
Education Savings Plans
Dedicated Education Funds: Invest in plans specifically designed for children’s education. These plans help build a dedicated corpus for your children’s future needs.

Balanced Portfolio: A mix of equity and debt funds can provide growth and stability for education planning.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (for daughters)
Sukanya Samriddhi Account: If you have a daughter, consider investing in this scheme. It offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.
Calculating Required Corpus
Estimate Education Costs
Higher Education Costs: Estimate the future costs of higher education for both children. This will help in determining the amount you need to save.

Regular Contributions: Make regular contributions to education savings plans to accumulate the required corpus.

Risk Management
Insurance Coverage
Term Insurance: You already have a term insurance plan of Rs 1 crore. Ensure it is adequate to cover your family’s needs in case of unforeseen events.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will provide financial security during emergencies.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Expertise: Actively managed funds benefit from the expertise of professional fund managers who make informed investment decisions.

Market Opportunities: Fund managers can exploit market opportunities to achieve higher returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds only aim to match the market returns, not outperform it.

Lack of Flexibility: They lack the flexibility to react quickly to market changes.

Direct Funds vs Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
No Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional guidance, which is crucial for optimal investment decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments can be complex and time-consuming without expert help.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds provide access to certified financial planners who can offer tailored advice.

Better Performance: Professional management often results in better performance compared to self-managed direct funds.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Achieving Your Financial Goals
Regular Savings
Discipline: Regular savings and disciplined investments are key to achieving your financial goals.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio and adjust based on performance and changing goals.

Increasing Contributions
Annual Increases: Increase your investment contributions by 5-10% annually to keep pace with income growth and inflation.
Professional Guidance
Consult a CFP: Regular consultations with a Certified Financial Planner will help you stay on track and make necessary adjustments.
Final Thoughts
Your financial planning is crucial for a secure future for yourself and your children. By following a disciplined investment strategy and seeking professional advice, you can achieve your retirement and education goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Money
Good evening sir Ashok here I am 48 with two kids one 15 yrs and other 1.5 yrs. Doing business but I would like to retire. I have fd of 4.3 cr which quaternary pay out and I invested in form of fd in my account and 4 sisters of around 4 cr in which I'm the joint account holder and all the account are handled by be mutual fund around 50 lk Shares around 1cr in different account Real estate investment around 5cr which is fetching 80 k rent per month loan of around 50k.good running business but still I am some were not satisfied in life please suggest I
Ans: Hello Ashok,

I understand you’re feeling some dissatisfaction despite your successful business and sound investments. Let's assess your financial situation and develop a strategy to secure a fulfilling and comfortable retirement. I'll guide you step-by-step, considering all aspects of your financial portfolio.

Current Financial Landscape
You have various investments and assets that provide a strong financial foundation. Here's a summary:

Fixed Deposits: Rs 4.3 crore in your name, with quarterly payouts.
Joint Fixed Deposits: Rs 4 crore with your sisters.
Mutual Funds: Rs 50 lakh.
Shares: Rs 1 crore.
Real Estate: Rs 5 crore, generating Rs 80,000 in monthly rent.
Loan: Rs 50,000.
Assessing Financial Goals
First, let’s identify your key financial goals and priorities:

Retirement Security: Ensure a steady income stream.
Children’s Future: Secure funds for education and other needs.
Health and Lifestyle: Maintain a good quality of life.
Financial Freedom: Free from business stress and active management.

You’ve done an excellent job building a diversified portfolio. Your investments in real estate, shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits are commendable. Managing such a broad spectrum of assets shows your financial acumen and dedication.


I understand your desire to retire and the dissatisfaction you might be feeling. It’s normal to seek more peace and fulfillment, especially after years of hard work. Let’s work towards creating a plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction.

Income Streams and Retirement Planning
Your current income streams include:

Fixed Deposits: Regular interest payouts.
Real Estate: Rental income.
Business: Profits from your business.
To ensure a steady and reliable income during retirement, consider these steps:

1. Optimize Fixed Deposits
Reevaluate the interest rates on your fixed deposits. Ensure you’re getting the best possible rates. Since interest rates can vary, consider reinvesting in higher-yield fixed deposits when possible.

2. Mutual Fund Investments
With Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds, it’s crucial to review your portfolio. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds due to professional management. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you optimize your mutual fund investments.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional management and expertise.
Potential for higher returns.
Better risk management.
3. Shares and Equity Investments
Your Rs 1 crore in shares should be regularly reviewed and rebalanced. Consider consulting a CFP for insights into which stocks to hold, sell, or buy. Diversifying across different sectors can mitigate risks and enhance returns.

4. Rental Income from Real Estate
Your real estate investments provide a steady rental income of Rs 80,000 per month. Ensure you have a robust property management plan in place to maintain this income stream. Regularly review rental agreements and property maintenance to avoid any disruptions in income.

Debt Management
You have a loan of Rs 50,000, which is relatively small. Ensure timely repayments to maintain a good credit score. Avoid taking on additional debt as you approach retirement to keep financial stress at bay.

Children's Future Planning
With two children, aged 15 and 1.5 years, securing their future is paramount. Here’s how you can plan for their education and other needs:

1. Education Fund
Start by estimating the future costs of education for both children. Consider inflation and rising education costs. Investing in dedicated education savings plans or mutual funds can help you accumulate the necessary corpus over time.

2. Insurance and Protection
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This will safeguard your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances. Review your existing policies and make necessary adjustments.

Health and Lifestyle Considerations
A good quality of life during retirement is essential. Consider the following aspects:

1. Health Insurance
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be a significant burden during retirement. A good health insurance policy will cover major medical expenses, reducing financial stress.

2. Lifestyle Planning
Think about how you want to spend your retirement years. Whether it's traveling, hobbies, or spending time with family, plan your finances to support these activities. Having a clear vision of your desired lifestyle will help you allocate funds appropriately.

Financial Freedom and Peace of Mind
Transitioning from an active business life to retirement requires careful planning. Here are some steps to achieve financial freedom and peace of mind:

1. Succession Planning
If your business is doing well, consider succession planning. This involves identifying and preparing a successor to take over the business. You can gradually reduce your involvement while ensuring the business continues to thrive.

2. Passive Income Streams
Focus on building passive income streams that require minimal active management. Your rental income and fixed deposit interest are good examples. Explore other avenues like dividends from shares or interest from bonds.

Final Insights
Retirement planning is a multi-faceted process that requires careful consideration of various aspects of your financial life. Here’s a summary of key points to ensure a fulfilling and secure retirement:

Review and Optimize Investments: Regularly review your portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Ensure Steady Income: Focus on building and maintaining passive income streams.
Plan for Children’s Future: Secure their education and other needs through dedicated investments.
Manage Health and Lifestyle: Ensure adequate insurance coverage and plan for a desired lifestyle.
Achieve Financial Freedom: Gradually transition out of active business life through succession planning and building passive income.
By following these steps, you can create a comprehensive retirement plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction. Remember, retirement is not just about financial security but also about enjoying the fruits of your hard work.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

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I am 61 years and retired from central government. Getting 48000 and 30000 as pension and rent. All my retirement benefits are exhausted on building of house and education loan. I need 5000000 fifty lakhs in seven years. What i should do. This amoint to be given to my son and what way i accummulate.
Ans: I appreciate your commitment to helping your son. Let's explore ways to accumulate Rs 50 lakhs in seven years.

Evaluate Current Income and Expenses

Track your monthly income of Rs 78,000. Prioritise your essential expenses and find areas to save.

Create an Investment Plan

Consider investing in mutual funds. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds, especially in volatile markets.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are handled by expert fund managers. They can adapt strategies based on market conditions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start a SIP to invest regularly. This helps in averaging costs and reduces market risk.

Consider Balanced Funds

Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. This provides growth and stability.

Emergency Fund

Set aside a small amount each month for emergencies. This ensures financial security without touching investments.

Avoid Real Estate and Annuities

Real estate can be illiquid and risky. Annuities often have high fees and low returns.

Seek Professional Advice

Consult a Certified Financial Planner. They can tailor a plan to help you achieve your goal.

Stay Committed and Review Regularly

Monitor your investments and make adjustments if needed. Stay focused on your goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money
My income is 100000 l and My child is 14 years. I am civil engineer working in private company.EMI is 40k Please suggest me what to do for future planning in and My retirement planning, 55year now my age 36 years We required After Retirement 50 Lacks
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on your income. Earning Rs. 1,00,000 per month is a significant achievement, especially in a private sector role as a civil engineer. This solid financial foundation is a great starting point for your future planning and retirement strategy.

You have mentioned your monthly EMI is Rs. 40,000. This means your discretionary income is Rs. 60,000 per month. With thoughtful planning, this amount can be effectively allocated towards securing your child's future and your retirement.

Child's Future Planning
Your child is currently 14 years old. In four years, he will likely be pursuing higher education. This is a critical period to ensure you have enough funds for his education. Education costs are rising, and having a solid plan will ensure you can meet these expenses without compromising other financial goals.

Assessing Education Costs

Higher education can be expensive. The first step is to estimate the total cost of your child’s education. This includes tuition fees, accommodation, books, and other related expenses. Let's assume the total cost to be around Rs. 20 lakhs.

Investment Strategy for Child's Education

To achieve this goal, you can start investing a part of your discretionary income. One of the most effective ways to grow your savings is through mutual funds. Regular mutual funds, when invested through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer professional management and can potentially provide higher returns compared to direct funds.

By investing Rs. 20,000 monthly in a diversified mutual fund, you can accumulate the required amount in the next four years. Mutual funds have the advantage of professional management, diversified risk, and the potential for inflation-beating returns.

Importance of Starting Early

Starting your investment journey early allows your money more time to grow. The power of compounding works best when investments are made early and left to grow over time. This approach can significantly reduce the financial stress when your child is ready for higher education.

Retirement Planning
You are 36 years old and plan to retire at 55. That gives you 19 years to build a retirement corpus of Rs. 50 lakhs. Given your current income and EMI obligations, this goal is achievable with disciplined saving and investing.

Setting Clear Goals

The first step in retirement planning is to set clear goals. You need to estimate your post-retirement expenses. Assuming you need Rs. 50 lakhs at the time of retirement, we can plan backward to determine how much you need to save and invest monthly.

Mutual Funds for Retirement

Investing in mutual funds through a CFP can help you build a significant corpus. Actively managed funds, in particular, can potentially offer better returns due to professional fund management and active stock selection.

By investing Rs. 30,000 per month in a diversified equity mutual fund, you can steadily build your retirement corpus. The equity market, despite its volatility, has historically provided higher returns over the long term, making it suitable for long-term goals like retirement.

Diversification and Regular Review

Diversification is key to managing investment risks. By spreading your investments across different asset classes and sectors, you can minimize risks while maximizing returns. Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio with the help of a CFP ensures it stays aligned with your goals.

Managing EMI and Savings
With an EMI of Rs. 40,000, managing your savings and investments becomes crucial. Ensuring that you do not over-leverage yourself and maintaining a balance between your EMI obligations and savings is essential.

Budgeting and Financial Discipline

Creating a budget helps in tracking your income and expenses. Prioritize essential expenses and allocate the remaining towards savings and investments. Financial discipline is crucial in achieving your long-term goals.

Emergency Fund

Before diving deep into investments, it is wise to set aside an emergency fund. This fund should ideally cover 6-12 months of your expenses. This ensures that in case of any unexpected events, you have a financial cushion to fall back on without disrupting your investment plans.

Insurance Planning
Insurance is an integral part of financial planning. It protects your family against unforeseen events and ensures financial stability.

Life Insurance

If you have existing LIC or ULIP policies, it might be wise to evaluate their performance. Often, these policies do not provide adequate returns and may have high costs associated with them. Consider surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds through a CFP.

Term Insurance

A term insurance plan is a must-have. It provides a high coverage amount at a low premium, ensuring your family's financial security in your absence. Aim for a coverage amount that is at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health Insurance

A comprehensive health insurance plan protects against medical emergencies. Ensure you have adequate coverage for yourself and your family. Rising medical costs can quickly deplete savings, making health insurance essential.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning helps in saving money which can be redirected towards investments.

Tax-saving Investments

Investments in tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS), PPF, and EPF not only provide tax benefits under Section 80C but also help in wealth creation. Consult with a CFP to choose the right mix of tax-saving instruments.

Utilizing Tax Deductions

Maximize the use of available tax deductions such as those under Section 80D for health insurance premiums and Section 24 for home loan interest. This reduces your taxable income and increases your savings.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. It requires regular monitoring and adjustments to stay on track.

Periodic Reviews

Regularly review your investment portfolio with a CFP. This helps in identifying any underperforming assets and making necessary adjustments. Periodic reviews ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your financial goals.

Rebalancing Portfolio

As you approach your goals, gradually shift from high-risk investments to more stable ones. This strategy protects your accumulated wealth from market volatility as you near your goal horizon.

Staying Informed

Stay updated with financial news and market trends. This helps in making informed decisions about your investments. However, avoid making impulsive decisions based on short-term market movements.

Benefits of Working with a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings expertise and professional advice to your financial planning process.

Expert Advice

CFPs provide expert advice tailored to your financial situation and goals. Their knowledge and experience help in creating a comprehensive financial plan.

Holistic Approach

CFPs take a holistic approach to financial planning. They consider all aspects of your financial life, including savings, investments, insurance, and taxes, to create a balanced and effective plan.

Customized Solutions

CFPs offer customized solutions based on your specific needs and risk tolerance. This personalized approach ensures your financial plan is effective and achievable.

Final Insights
Creating a robust financial plan requires careful consideration of various factors. By focusing on your child's future, retirement planning, insurance, and tax strategies, you can build a secure financial future.

Investing through mutual funds with the guidance of a CFP can provide you with professional management and potentially higher returns. Regular reviews and adjustments, along with disciplined saving and investing, are key to achieving your financial goals.

Your journey towards financial security is unique. Embrace it with confidence and commitment. Your efforts today will ensure a prosperous and secure future for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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