Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Sunil

Sunil Lala  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jan 19, 2024

Sunil Lala founded SL Wealth, a company that offers life and non-life insurance, mutual fund and asset allocation advice, in 2005. A certified financial planner, he has three decades of domain experience. His expertise includes designing goal-specific financial plans and creating investment awareness. He has been a registered member of the Financial Planning Standards Board since 2009.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2023Hindi
Listen
Money

Hemantji my Salary monthly is around 71000 per month, & the expenses are 16000 EMI , 8000 school fees, house expenses almost 25000. Having polices but of very small values. Request you to please suggest me that what to do so that i get handsome return on my retirement and tomorrow if my son goes for higher studies i have so much left out that i can lead an respectable life

Ans: What is your age
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Money
Hi Expert, I am 39 Years Old and single Earning in family and earn 1 lakh per month. Home Loan 23 lakh ans NPS is 5200 pm and Term plan 1 cr already running. Please suggest some retirement and higher education for child, daughter and son 7 years.
Ans: You are 39 years old, the sole earner in your family, and earn Rs 1 lakh per month. You have a home loan of Rs 23 lakhs and contribute Rs 5200 per month to the NPS. You also have a term plan of Rs 1 crore. Your primary financial goals are planning for retirement and your children’s higher education.

Setting Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Ensure a comfortable retirement with adequate savings.

Children’s Education: Save for your daughter and son’s higher education.

Monthly Savings and Investments
You need to allocate a portion of your income to systematic savings and investments to meet these goals.

Assessing Current Commitments
Home Loan: You have a home loan of Rs 23 lakhs. Ensure timely EMI payments to manage this debt efficiently.

NPS Contribution: You are already contributing to the NPS, which will aid in your retirement planning.

Retirement Planning
Diversified Retirement Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds. These funds provide high returns over the long term, helping you build a substantial corpus.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds provide stability and lower risk, balancing your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular SIPs: Start a SIP in equity mutual funds to build wealth systematically. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Increase SIP Amount Annually: Increase your SIP contributions by 5-10% annually to match inflation and income growth.

National Pension System (NPS)
Continue NPS Contributions: The NPS is a good tool for retirement savings. Continue your monthly contributions of Rs 5200.

Review NPS Allocation: Ensure your NPS investments are well-diversified between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Children’s Education Planning
Education Savings Plans
Dedicated Education Funds: Invest in plans specifically designed for children’s education. These plans help build a dedicated corpus for your children’s future needs.

Balanced Portfolio: A mix of equity and debt funds can provide growth and stability for education planning.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (for daughters)
Sukanya Samriddhi Account: If you have a daughter, consider investing in this scheme. It offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.
Calculating Required Corpus
Estimate Education Costs
Higher Education Costs: Estimate the future costs of higher education for both children. This will help in determining the amount you need to save.

Regular Contributions: Make regular contributions to education savings plans to accumulate the required corpus.

Risk Management
Insurance Coverage
Term Insurance: You already have a term insurance plan of Rs 1 crore. Ensure it is adequate to cover your family’s needs in case of unforeseen events.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will provide financial security during emergencies.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Expertise: Actively managed funds benefit from the expertise of professional fund managers who make informed investment decisions.

Market Opportunities: Fund managers can exploit market opportunities to achieve higher returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds only aim to match the market returns, not outperform it.

Lack of Flexibility: They lack the flexibility to react quickly to market changes.

Direct Funds vs Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
No Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional guidance, which is crucial for optimal investment decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments can be complex and time-consuming without expert help.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds provide access to certified financial planners who can offer tailored advice.

Better Performance: Professional management often results in better performance compared to self-managed direct funds.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Achieving Your Financial Goals
Regular Savings
Discipline: Regular savings and disciplined investments are key to achieving your financial goals.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio and adjust based on performance and changing goals.

Increasing Contributions
Annual Increases: Increase your investment contributions by 5-10% annually to keep pace with income growth and inflation.
Professional Guidance
Consult a CFP: Regular consultations with a Certified Financial Planner will help you stay on track and make necessary adjustments.
Final Thoughts
Your financial planning is crucial for a secure future for yourself and your children. By following a disciplined investment strategy and seeking professional advice, you can achieve your retirement and education goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Money
Good evening sir Ashok here I am 48 with two kids one 15 yrs and other 1.5 yrs. Doing business but I would like to retire. I have fd of 4.3 cr which quaternary pay out and I invested in form of fd in my account and 4 sisters of around 4 cr in which I'm the joint account holder and all the account are handled by be mutual fund around 50 lk Shares around 1cr in different account Real estate investment around 5cr which is fetching 80 k rent per month loan of around 50k.good running business but still I am some were not satisfied in life please suggest I
Ans: Hello Ashok,

I understand you’re feeling some dissatisfaction despite your successful business and sound investments. Let's assess your financial situation and develop a strategy to secure a fulfilling and comfortable retirement. I'll guide you step-by-step, considering all aspects of your financial portfolio.

Current Financial Landscape
You have various investments and assets that provide a strong financial foundation. Here's a summary:

Fixed Deposits: Rs 4.3 crore in your name, with quarterly payouts.
Joint Fixed Deposits: Rs 4 crore with your sisters.
Mutual Funds: Rs 50 lakh.
Shares: Rs 1 crore.
Real Estate: Rs 5 crore, generating Rs 80,000 in monthly rent.
Loan: Rs 50,000.
Assessing Financial Goals
First, let’s identify your key financial goals and priorities:

Retirement Security: Ensure a steady income stream.
Children’s Future: Secure funds for education and other needs.
Health and Lifestyle: Maintain a good quality of life.
Financial Freedom: Free from business stress and active management.

You’ve done an excellent job building a diversified portfolio. Your investments in real estate, shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits are commendable. Managing such a broad spectrum of assets shows your financial acumen and dedication.


I understand your desire to retire and the dissatisfaction you might be feeling. It’s normal to seek more peace and fulfillment, especially after years of hard work. Let’s work towards creating a plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction.

Income Streams and Retirement Planning
Your current income streams include:

Fixed Deposits: Regular interest payouts.
Real Estate: Rental income.
Business: Profits from your business.
To ensure a steady and reliable income during retirement, consider these steps:

1. Optimize Fixed Deposits
Reevaluate the interest rates on your fixed deposits. Ensure you’re getting the best possible rates. Since interest rates can vary, consider reinvesting in higher-yield fixed deposits when possible.

2. Mutual Fund Investments
With Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds, it’s crucial to review your portfolio. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds due to professional management. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you optimize your mutual fund investments.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional management and expertise.
Potential for higher returns.
Better risk management.
3. Shares and Equity Investments
Your Rs 1 crore in shares should be regularly reviewed and rebalanced. Consider consulting a CFP for insights into which stocks to hold, sell, or buy. Diversifying across different sectors can mitigate risks and enhance returns.

4. Rental Income from Real Estate
Your real estate investments provide a steady rental income of Rs 80,000 per month. Ensure you have a robust property management plan in place to maintain this income stream. Regularly review rental agreements and property maintenance to avoid any disruptions in income.

Debt Management
You have a loan of Rs 50,000, which is relatively small. Ensure timely repayments to maintain a good credit score. Avoid taking on additional debt as you approach retirement to keep financial stress at bay.

Children's Future Planning
With two children, aged 15 and 1.5 years, securing their future is paramount. Here’s how you can plan for their education and other needs:

1. Education Fund
Start by estimating the future costs of education for both children. Consider inflation and rising education costs. Investing in dedicated education savings plans or mutual funds can help you accumulate the necessary corpus over time.

2. Insurance and Protection
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This will safeguard your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances. Review your existing policies and make necessary adjustments.

Health and Lifestyle Considerations
A good quality of life during retirement is essential. Consider the following aspects:

1. Health Insurance
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be a significant burden during retirement. A good health insurance policy will cover major medical expenses, reducing financial stress.

2. Lifestyle Planning
Think about how you want to spend your retirement years. Whether it's traveling, hobbies, or spending time with family, plan your finances to support these activities. Having a clear vision of your desired lifestyle will help you allocate funds appropriately.

Financial Freedom and Peace of Mind
Transitioning from an active business life to retirement requires careful planning. Here are some steps to achieve financial freedom and peace of mind:

1. Succession Planning
If your business is doing well, consider succession planning. This involves identifying and preparing a successor to take over the business. You can gradually reduce your involvement while ensuring the business continues to thrive.

2. Passive Income Streams
Focus on building passive income streams that require minimal active management. Your rental income and fixed deposit interest are good examples. Explore other avenues like dividends from shares or interest from bonds.

Final Insights
Retirement planning is a multi-faceted process that requires careful consideration of various aspects of your financial life. Here’s a summary of key points to ensure a fulfilling and secure retirement:

Review and Optimize Investments: Regularly review your portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Ensure Steady Income: Focus on building and maintaining passive income streams.
Plan for Children’s Future: Secure their education and other needs through dedicated investments.
Manage Health and Lifestyle: Ensure adequate insurance coverage and plan for a desired lifestyle.
Achieve Financial Freedom: Gradually transition out of active business life through succession planning and building passive income.
By following these steps, you can create a comprehensive retirement plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction. Remember, retirement is not just about financial security but also about enjoying the fruits of your hard work.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Listen
Money
I am 61 years and retired from central government. Getting 48000 and 30000 as pension and rent. All my retirement benefits are exhausted on building of house and education loan. I need 5000000 fifty lakhs in seven years. What i should do. This amoint to be given to my son and what way i accummulate.
Ans: I appreciate your commitment to helping your son. Let's explore ways to accumulate Rs 50 lakhs in seven years.

Evaluate Current Income and Expenses

Track your monthly income of Rs 78,000. Prioritise your essential expenses and find areas to save.

Create an Investment Plan

Consider investing in mutual funds. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds, especially in volatile markets.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are handled by expert fund managers. They can adapt strategies based on market conditions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start a SIP to invest regularly. This helps in averaging costs and reduces market risk.

Consider Balanced Funds

Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. This provides growth and stability.

Emergency Fund

Set aside a small amount each month for emergencies. This ensures financial security without touching investments.

Avoid Real Estate and Annuities

Real estate can be illiquid and risky. Annuities often have high fees and low returns.

Seek Professional Advice

Consult a Certified Financial Planner. They can tailor a plan to help you achieve your goal.

Stay Committed and Review Regularly

Monitor your investments and make adjustments if needed. Stay focused on your goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money
My income is 100000 l and My child is 14 years. I am civil engineer working in private company.EMI is 40k Please suggest me what to do for future planning in and My retirement planning, 55year now my age 36 years We required After Retirement 50 Lacks
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on your income. Earning Rs. 1,00,000 per month is a significant achievement, especially in a private sector role as a civil engineer. This solid financial foundation is a great starting point for your future planning and retirement strategy.

You have mentioned your monthly EMI is Rs. 40,000. This means your discretionary income is Rs. 60,000 per month. With thoughtful planning, this amount can be effectively allocated towards securing your child's future and your retirement.

Child's Future Planning
Your child is currently 14 years old. In four years, he will likely be pursuing higher education. This is a critical period to ensure you have enough funds for his education. Education costs are rising, and having a solid plan will ensure you can meet these expenses without compromising other financial goals.

Assessing Education Costs

Higher education can be expensive. The first step is to estimate the total cost of your child’s education. This includes tuition fees, accommodation, books, and other related expenses. Let's assume the total cost to be around Rs. 20 lakhs.

Investment Strategy for Child's Education

To achieve this goal, you can start investing a part of your discretionary income. One of the most effective ways to grow your savings is through mutual funds. Regular mutual funds, when invested through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer professional management and can potentially provide higher returns compared to direct funds.

By investing Rs. 20,000 monthly in a diversified mutual fund, you can accumulate the required amount in the next four years. Mutual funds have the advantage of professional management, diversified risk, and the potential for inflation-beating returns.

Importance of Starting Early

Starting your investment journey early allows your money more time to grow. The power of compounding works best when investments are made early and left to grow over time. This approach can significantly reduce the financial stress when your child is ready for higher education.

Retirement Planning
You are 36 years old and plan to retire at 55. That gives you 19 years to build a retirement corpus of Rs. 50 lakhs. Given your current income and EMI obligations, this goal is achievable with disciplined saving and investing.

Setting Clear Goals

The first step in retirement planning is to set clear goals. You need to estimate your post-retirement expenses. Assuming you need Rs. 50 lakhs at the time of retirement, we can plan backward to determine how much you need to save and invest monthly.

Mutual Funds for Retirement

Investing in mutual funds through a CFP can help you build a significant corpus. Actively managed funds, in particular, can potentially offer better returns due to professional fund management and active stock selection.

By investing Rs. 30,000 per month in a diversified equity mutual fund, you can steadily build your retirement corpus. The equity market, despite its volatility, has historically provided higher returns over the long term, making it suitable for long-term goals like retirement.

Diversification and Regular Review

Diversification is key to managing investment risks. By spreading your investments across different asset classes and sectors, you can minimize risks while maximizing returns. Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio with the help of a CFP ensures it stays aligned with your goals.

Managing EMI and Savings
With an EMI of Rs. 40,000, managing your savings and investments becomes crucial. Ensuring that you do not over-leverage yourself and maintaining a balance between your EMI obligations and savings is essential.

Budgeting and Financial Discipline

Creating a budget helps in tracking your income and expenses. Prioritize essential expenses and allocate the remaining towards savings and investments. Financial discipline is crucial in achieving your long-term goals.

Emergency Fund

Before diving deep into investments, it is wise to set aside an emergency fund. This fund should ideally cover 6-12 months of your expenses. This ensures that in case of any unexpected events, you have a financial cushion to fall back on without disrupting your investment plans.

Insurance Planning
Insurance is an integral part of financial planning. It protects your family against unforeseen events and ensures financial stability.

Life Insurance

If you have existing LIC or ULIP policies, it might be wise to evaluate their performance. Often, these policies do not provide adequate returns and may have high costs associated with them. Consider surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds through a CFP.

Term Insurance

A term insurance plan is a must-have. It provides a high coverage amount at a low premium, ensuring your family's financial security in your absence. Aim for a coverage amount that is at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health Insurance

A comprehensive health insurance plan protects against medical emergencies. Ensure you have adequate coverage for yourself and your family. Rising medical costs can quickly deplete savings, making health insurance essential.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning helps in saving money which can be redirected towards investments.

Tax-saving Investments

Investments in tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS), PPF, and EPF not only provide tax benefits under Section 80C but also help in wealth creation. Consult with a CFP to choose the right mix of tax-saving instruments.

Utilizing Tax Deductions

Maximize the use of available tax deductions such as those under Section 80D for health insurance premiums and Section 24 for home loan interest. This reduces your taxable income and increases your savings.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. It requires regular monitoring and adjustments to stay on track.

Periodic Reviews

Regularly review your investment portfolio with a CFP. This helps in identifying any underperforming assets and making necessary adjustments. Periodic reviews ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your financial goals.

Rebalancing Portfolio

As you approach your goals, gradually shift from high-risk investments to more stable ones. This strategy protects your accumulated wealth from market volatility as you near your goal horizon.

Staying Informed

Stay updated with financial news and market trends. This helps in making informed decisions about your investments. However, avoid making impulsive decisions based on short-term market movements.

Benefits of Working with a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings expertise and professional advice to your financial planning process.

Expert Advice

CFPs provide expert advice tailored to your financial situation and goals. Their knowledge and experience help in creating a comprehensive financial plan.

Holistic Approach

CFPs take a holistic approach to financial planning. They consider all aspects of your financial life, including savings, investments, insurance, and taxes, to create a balanced and effective plan.

Customized Solutions

CFPs offer customized solutions based on your specific needs and risk tolerance. This personalized approach ensures your financial plan is effective and achievable.

Final Insights
Creating a robust financial plan requires careful consideration of various factors. By focusing on your child's future, retirement planning, insurance, and tax strategies, you can build a secure financial future.

Investing through mutual funds with the guidance of a CFP can provide you with professional management and potentially higher returns. Regular reviews and adjustments, along with disciplined saving and investing, are key to achieving your financial goals.

Your journey towards financial security is unique. Embrace it with confidence and commitment. Your efforts today will ensure a prosperous and secure future for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x