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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Navneet Question by Navneet on May 05, 2024Hindi
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Hello Financial planning experts I am 28 years old, My salary is 1.52 lakhs per month. I have 19 lakhs investment including 14 lakhs MF investment, 1 lakh in stocks, 4+ lakhs in NSC. Every month i have minimum 50k to invest as i live below to my needs, all i am giving 40k straight to my mother for her financial needs, 12k rent, 15k EMI on one of my loan which would be closed in 2 years. Can anyone suggest which MF to pick to diversify my portfolio with high returns as my risk appetite is high.

Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards financial planning at a young age. With your solid foundation of investments and surplus income, you're well-positioned to further diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance your returns.
Given your high risk appetite, you may consider investing in equity mutual funds (MFs) to capitalize on growth opportunities while diversifying your portfolio. Here are some considerations when selecting MFs:
1. Large Cap Funds: These funds invest in large, well-established companies with a track record of stable performance. They offer relatively lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds while still providing growth potential.
2. Mid and Small Cap Funds: These funds invest in mid-sized and smaller companies with higher growth potential but also higher volatility. They can be suitable for investors with a higher risk appetite seeking potentially higher returns over the long term.
3. Sectoral or Thematic Funds: If you have a specific sector or theme you're bullish on, such as technology, healthcare, or infrastructure, you may consider investing in sectoral or thematic funds. These funds focus on specific industries or themes and can offer higher returns if the sector performs well.
4. Multi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across companies of different market capitalizations, providing diversification and flexibility. They adjust their allocations based on market conditions, making them suitable for investors seeking diversified exposure to the equity market.
Before investing, carefully assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can provide personalized advice tailored to your needs and circumstances.
Remember to review your investment portfolio periodically and rebalance as needed to ensure alignment with your financial objectives. Stay disciplined with your investments and continue to invest regularly to harness the power of compounding over time.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Age: 44years. Please suggest a MF which works best for retirement, child's education and long term capital appreciation. I could invest lumpsum Rs 100000/
Ans: Planning for Your Future: Retirement, Education & Growth
At 44, you're making a smart move by planning for your future goals: retirement, child's education, and long-term wealth creation. A single mutual fund might not be the best fit for all these needs, but let's explore some options:

Diversification is Key

Since your goals have different time horizons (retirement is farther away than your child's education), it's wise to diversify your investments. This means spreading your money across different asset classes to manage risk.

Actively Managed Funds for Growth

Given your long-term perspective and willingness to take on some risk, actively managed funds can be a good option. Here's why:

Outperforming the Market: Actively managed funds have fund managers who try to pick promising stocks and beat the market average. This has the potential for higher returns compared to passively managed options like index funds.
Matching Risk to Goals

Here's a possible approach to consider, but remember, this is general advice:

Retirement (Long Term): Invest a larger portion (say 60-70%) in aggressive actively managed funds like multi-cap funds. These invest in a mix of large, mid, and small-cap companies, offering growth potential along with diversification.

Child's Education (Mid Term): Allocate a mid-range portion (say 20-30%) to a balanced actively managed fund. These funds balance between equity and debt, offering some growth potential with a lower risk profile compared to aggressive funds.

Remember, your situation is unique. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you create a personalized asset allocation plan based on your risk tolerance and specific goals.

Rs. 1 Lakh Lump Sum Investment

A lump sum investment of Rs. 1 lakh can be a great way to jumpstart your investment journey. Consider investing across different actively managed funds based on your asset allocation plan.

Regular Investment (SIP) is Powerful

Don't stop with the lump sum! Regular investments (SIPs) can be a powerful tool for long-term wealth creation. Even a small amount invested regularly can benefit from rupee-cost averaging, where you purchase more units when the price is low and fewer units when the price is high.

A CFP Can Help You:

Choose the Right Funds: They can recommend actively managed funds with a good track record and experienced fund managers.

Asset Allocation: They can advise on the right mix of asset classes (multi-cap, balanced, etc.) for your goals.

Review and Rebalance: A CFP will monitor your progress and adjust your asset allocation as needed to stay on track.

Taking Charge of Your Tomorrow

By planning and investing for your future, you're taking control of your tomorrow. Actively managed funds within a diversified portfolio can be a powerful tool for growth, but remember, they also carry risk. A CFP can help you navigate your options and make informed investment decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Money
Dear sir, My age is 53 years and my current per month salary is 1.35 L. I have 26 lakh in FDs and 4.5 lakh in Axis Bank Mutual fund. No home loan and No other liability. Daughter got married and my son is working independently. I will also get around 22 lakhs in 2026 when my LIC policies will mature. I can invest upto 25-30k per month in mutual fund. Please advise the suitable MF for investment
Ans: First off, congratulations on achieving financial stability! Your daughter is married, your son is independent, and you have no liabilities. This puts you in a great position to focus on your investments. At 53, with a current monthly salary of Rs. 1.35 lakh, you have a solid foundation. Additionally, you have Rs. 26 lakh in fixed deposits (FDs), Rs. 4.5 lakh in Axis Bank Mutual Funds, and a substantial Rs. 22 lakh coming from maturing LIC policies in 2026. You also plan to invest Rs. 25-30k per month in mutual funds. Let’s create a plan to maximize your returns.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Your Rs. 26 lakh in FDs is a secure investment, providing steady returns. However, FDs often offer lower returns compared to other investment options like mutual funds. It's wise to keep a portion in FDs for safety, but diversifying into mutual funds can provide higher growth.

Axis Bank Mutual Funds
Your existing Rs. 4.5 lakh in Axis Bank Mutual Funds is a good start. Mutual funds offer the benefit of professional management and diversification. Let’s build on this foundation with a diversified mutual fund portfolio.

LIC Policies
Your LIC policies maturing in 2026 will provide Rs. 22 lakh. LIC policies often give lower returns compared to mutual funds. Once matured, we can reinvest this amount into mutual funds for better returns.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
It’s essential to establish your financial goals. Given your age, let’s focus on creating a retirement corpus, ensuring you have enough to sustain a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement. With no major liabilities and children settled, your primary goal can be wealth creation and retirement planning.

Creating a Diversified Mutual Fund Portfolio
Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They are suitable for long-term investments. Given your age, a portion of your monthly investment can be allocated here for growth.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They provide stable returns and are less volatile than equity funds. This is ideal for a conservative portion of your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid mutual funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They offer balanced risk and returns, making them suitable for moderate risk-takers. A mix of hybrid funds can provide stability and growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing Rs. 25-30k per month through SIPs in mutual funds is a disciplined approach. SIPs help in averaging out the cost of investment and benefit from the power of compounding. Here’s how you can allocate your monthly investment:

Equity Funds Allocation
Allocate Rs. 10-15k per month in diversified equity mutual funds. Choose funds with a good track record and consistent performance. Actively managed funds can offer better returns than index funds due to professional management.

Debt Funds Allocation
Allocate Rs. 5-10k per month in debt mutual funds. These funds provide stability and are less risky. They are ideal for preserving capital and generating steady returns.

Hybrid Funds Allocation
Allocate Rs. 5-10k per month in hybrid mutual funds. These funds offer a balanced approach, providing exposure to both equity and debt. They are suitable for moderate risk tolerance.

Benefits of Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A Certified Financial Planner can help tailor your investments to your specific goals and risk tolerance. They bring expertise in selecting the right funds and creating a balanced portfolio. Consulting a CFP ensures your investments are professionally managed.

Personalized Advice
CFPs provide personalized advice, considering your financial situation and goals. They help in selecting funds with good track records, ensuring your investments align with your risk profile and financial objectives.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
High-Risk Investments
Avoid high-risk investments like direct stocks or speculative ventures. These can offer high returns but come with significant risks. Given your goal of wealth creation and retirement planning, a balanced approach is safer.

Index Funds
Index funds simply mimic market indices. While they have lower management fees, actively managed funds can provide higher returns through expert management. Professional fund managers can make strategic decisions to outperform the market.

Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds may seem attractive due to lower costs. However, investing through a CFP ensures professional guidance. This maximizes your returns and aligns your investments with your financial goals.

Building Your Retirement Corpus
Projecting Future Needs
Estimate your post-retirement expenses to determine the corpus needed. Consider factors like inflation, healthcare, and lifestyle changes. This helps in setting a clear target for your retirement savings.

Regular Reviews
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it stays on track. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Consult your CFP to make necessary adjustments based on performance and goals.

Reinvesting Maturing Funds
When your LIC policies mature in 2026, reinvest the Rs. 22 lakh in mutual funds. This will significantly boost your retirement corpus. Choose a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and returns.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers. They have the expertise to select the best stocks and bonds, ensuring optimal returns. This professional management is crucial for maximizing your investments.

Diversification
Mutual funds offer diversification, spreading your investment across various assets. This reduces risk and ensures stability. A diversified portfolio is key to balanced growth and risk management.

Compounding Returns
Investing in mutual funds through SIPs leverages the power of compounding. The returns earned are reinvested, generating further returns. This significantly boosts your investment growth over time.

Financial Discipline
Budgeting
Create a monthly budget to track your income and expenses. This helps in identifying areas where you can cut costs and allocate more towards investments. Financial discipline is key to achieving your goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This prevents you from dipping into your investments. An emergency fund ensures financial stability and peace of mind.

Avoiding Unnecessary Expenses
Limit unnecessary expenses and focus on essential spending. This ensures more funds are available for investments, accelerating your wealth creation and retirement planning.

Staying Informed
Regular Updates
Stay informed about your investments by regularly checking their performance. Use financial news, market analysis, and updates from your CFP to make informed decisions. Knowledge is power in managing your investments.

Continuous Learning
Educate yourself about different investment options and market trends. Continuous learning helps in making better investment choices and understanding the financial landscape.

Feedback from CFP
Regularly seek feedback from your CFP regarding your investment strategy. They can provide valuable insights and recommendations based on market conditions and your financial goals.

Final Insights
Creating a robust investment plan at 53 is crucial for your financial security and retirement planning. By diversifying your investments, leveraging SIPs, and seeking professional guidance, you can effectively grow your wealth and achieve your goals. Stay informed, maintain financial discipline, and regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your objectives. Investing in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds will provide a balanced approach, ensuring both growth and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 10, 2024Hindi
Money
I am investing in mf from 4years . My portfolio looks like : 1:Icici pru. Tech direct plan growth invested ?52000 and total return 47% I want to diversifiy my protfolio and increae my sip by 500 .currently my sip in ?1500 . My goal is to get 3-4lakhs of corpus in next 3-4yrs for my studies. Kindly suggest me which type of funds should i choose.
Ans: You have made a good start by investing in a technology-focused fund. The return of 47% on your investment of Rs. 52,000 is impressive. However, sectoral funds like technology carry higher risk due to their concentrated exposure. They perform well during sector growth but may underperform during downturns. Since you are looking for a 3-4 year investment horizon for a goal like education, it’s crucial to diversify your portfolio.

By diversifying into different types of mutual funds, you can spread your risk and aim for more consistent returns. Given that you want to increase your SIP by Rs. 500 and your current SIP is Rs. 1,500, I will provide you with a broader strategy for meeting your goal of accumulating Rs. 3-4 lakhs within the next 3-4 years.

Investment Horizon and Risk Profile

Your goal is time-bound, and the horizon is relatively short (3-4 years). This places emphasis on stability while balancing growth. Since your current fund is technology-focused, it has the potential for high volatility. Thus, adding funds with a mix of growth and stability would be an ideal strategy.

For a goal within this time frame, I recommend diversifying into both equity and debt mutual funds, especially as equity funds may face short-term volatility. Below is a breakdown of what you can consider.

Diversification Strategy

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt instruments. They provide growth potential through equity and cushion volatility with debt allocation. For your 3-4 year horizon, this category offers balanced risk and reward. A hybrid fund with a higher allocation towards debt will protect your investment in case of market downturns.

By allocating a part of your SIP to a hybrid fund, you can achieve a good balance between growth and stability. This will ensure that your portfolio is not overly exposed to market fluctuations while still benefiting from equity growth.

?

Short-Term Debt Funds
Debt funds, especially short-term or ultra-short-term, are low-risk and can be a good addition when the goal is near-term. These funds invest in government bonds, corporate bonds, and other fixed-income securities with shorter maturity periods. They aim to offer better returns than fixed deposits while keeping risk minimal.

As your goal is education, which cannot be compromised, debt funds can provide the needed security for your capital. By having a portion in debt, you ensure that you can rely on these funds even if the equity market underperforms in the short term. A suggested allocation to short-term debt funds can reduce overall risk.

?

Multi-Cap or Flexi-Cap Funds
For the equity portion, investing in a multi-cap or flexi-cap fund can provide a more diversified exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. Unlike sectoral funds, multi-cap funds invest across different sectors, helping to minimize sector-specific risk.

Adding this type of fund ensures that you still participate in equity growth while maintaining a broader exposure. Given that your current investment is in a technology sectoral fund, a multi-cap fund can bring diversification, balancing the overall equity exposure. For the next 3-4 years, this could generate reasonable growth without too much concentration risk.

?

Large-Cap Funds
To maintain some growth while minimizing risk, adding a large-cap equity fund can be beneficial. These funds invest in established companies with strong fundamentals. They tend to be more stable than mid or small-cap funds and are less volatile in the short term.

By adding a large-cap fund, you’ll ensure that a portion of your portfolio is invested in blue-chip companies. They provide steady growth and better downside protection, which is essential when the goal is close.

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Advantages of Actively Managed Funds over Index Funds

Although index funds might appear as an easy option for passive investment, actively managed funds are better for your goal. Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who can navigate the market, making adjustments based on performance and trends. They aim to outperform the market by investing in high-potential stocks and adjusting allocations when needed.

In contrast, index funds merely track a set index, limiting potential upside and not providing risk management during downturns. Your 3-4 year investment horizon demands active management to ensure optimized returns and balanced risks.

?

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Though you are currently investing in direct mutual funds, there are a few limitations you might face. Direct plans require constant monitoring and decision-making. This can be time-consuming and may lead to sub-optimal decisions if you’re not closely tracking the market or are unaware of when to switch or rebalance your portfolio.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) via regular funds gives you access to professional advice and helps you focus on your goals without getting lost in the daily volatility or changes in fund performance. The advisor can help monitor your portfolio, recommend rebalancing, and ensure that you remain aligned with your goal, which is essential for meeting your target corpus.

?

Adjusting Your SIP Allocation

Given that you wish to increase your SIP by Rs. 500 and your goal is Rs. 3-4 lakhs within 3-4 years, I suggest allocating your SIP as follows:

?

Hybrid Fund (30-40% of the SIP)
Allocating Rs. 500-700 from your increased SIP towards a hybrid fund can provide a balance of equity and debt. This will add stability to your portfolio while still allowing some growth. It’s essential to mitigate risk, especially for such a near-term goal.

?

Multi-Cap or Flexi-Cap Fund (20-30% of the SIP)
Rs. 400-600 should be directed to a multi-cap fund. This will diversify your equity exposure and provide a safer route to growth. Given the unpredictable nature of sectoral funds, this fund can smoothen the returns and provide stability.

?

Debt Fund (20-25% of the SIP)
Rs. 300-400 can go into a short-term debt fund. This will ensure that part of your investment is secure and accessible when needed. With the timeline for your goal being short, capital protection becomes essential.

?

Large-Cap Fund (15-20% of the SIP)
Rs. 200-300 can be invested in a large-cap fund for stable equity exposure. This will offer participation in the equity market but with lower risk compared to mid or small-cap stocks.

?

Taxation Consideration

It’s important to be aware of the taxation on mutual fund returns when you redeem your investments.

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. If you redeem your investments within three years, short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Debt mutual funds are taxed according to your income tax slab, both for short-term and long-term gains.

Keeping track of these rules ensures that you can optimise your withdrawals to minimize tax impact.

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Final Insights

Your current SIP investment in a technology-focused fund has performed well, but to meet your 3-4 year goal, diversification is essential. A mix of hybrid, multi-cap, large-cap, and debt funds will offer a balanced approach. This way, you can mitigate risk while still aiming for growth.

The decision to increase your SIP is the right move, but diversification will help protect your investment against market volatility. By focusing on stability through hybrid and debt funds while keeping some equity exposure, you’ll be well on track to achieve your Rs. 3-4 lakh target within the next few years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

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