Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hello I am 47 y old . I have been layoffs. When I try to combine my assets by selling . I have approx 1.9 Cr as a cash . Is this amount is ok for my retirement . I require my dau education 6L per year in 2024 -2028 and son education 6L per year from 2028-2032. For household my wife salary is enough . Please suggest how to invest and reach all the education and retirement goals. I am expecting 1 L per month from 1.9 Cr and this 1 L I will invest 60 thousand. Please suggest this is ok .

Ans: It's commendable that you're proactively planning for your retirement and your children's education despite facing a layoff. Let's devise a financial plan to ensure your goals are met:

Retirement Planning:

With 1.9 Cr in cash, generating 1 Lakh per month for your retirement seems feasible. Investing a portion of this amount in stable income-generating avenues like fixed deposits, debt mutual funds, and Senior Citizen Savings Scheme can provide regular income to meet your expenses.
Since your wife's salary covers household expenses, you can focus on building a retirement corpus that ensures a comfortable lifestyle for both of you.
Consider diversifying your investments across asset classes like equity, debt, and real estate to balance risk and potential returns over the long term.
Education Planning:

Allocate funds separately for your children's education expenses. With annual education expenses of 6 lakhs for each child, you can set aside a portion of your cash reserve or invest in education-specific investment vehicles like education savings plans or SIPs in mutual funds.
For the education expenses starting in 2024 for your daughter and in 2028 for your son, consider investing in a combination of debt and equity funds to ensure growth while preserving capital for their future education needs.
Monthly Income and Investment:

Planning to invest 60,000 out of the 1 Lakh monthly income is a prudent approach to continue building wealth and meeting your financial goals.
Allocate these investments based on your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to devise a customized investment strategy aligned with your objectives.
Review and Adjust:

Regularly review your financial plan and investment portfolio to ensure they remain aligned with your evolving needs and goals.
Adjust your investment strategy as needed based on changes in market conditions, life events, and personal circumstances.
By following a disciplined approach to investing and financial planning, you can achieve your retirement and education goals while safeguarding your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old and earning net salary after all (NPS/EPF/EMI) deductions 1.4 lac per Month. Current NPS balance 37 lac and EPF balance 25 lacs. I have also deposited 7 Lac in PPF, 12 Lac in mutual fund and 8 lacs in stocks. I have a house for which the remaining loan amount is 16.5 lacs. My current SIP is 22000 in MF and 10500 in stocks. I have a term plan of 2 cr. I can save another 50000-60000 per month with 5 % stepup. I have two kids studying in clas 5 and 3 respectively. I want to build a corpus of 3 cr for their higher education and 1 cr for my retirement in coming 11-14 years. Review my current investment and suggest me assets for investment for mentioned goals.
Ans: Building a solid financial plan is crucial. You aim to save Rs. 3 crores for your children's education and Rs. 1 crore for your retirement in the next 11-14 years. This plan will evaluate your current investments and suggest strategies to meet these goals.

Current Financial Situation

You're 39 years old with a net monthly salary of Rs. 1.4 lakhs after deductions. Your investment portfolio includes Rs. 37 lakhs in NPS, Rs. 25 lakhs in EPF, Rs. 7 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds, and Rs. 8 lakhs in stocks. Your house has an outstanding loan of Rs. 16.5 lakhs. You invest Rs. 22,000 monthly in mutual funds and Rs. 10,500 in stocks. You also have a term plan of Rs. 2 crores.

Financial Goals

Rs. 3 crores for children's higher education in 11-14 years.
Rs. 1 crore for retirement in the same period.
Review of Current Investments

NPS and EPF: These provide a stable foundation. They offer decent returns with tax benefits.

PPF: While secure and tax-free, PPF has a lock-in period and a lower return rate compared to other investment options.

Mutual Funds: Your current SIPs of Rs. 22,000 are a good start. However, actively managed funds could offer better returns than index funds.

Stocks: Direct stock investments of Rs. 10,500 per month show your willingness to take risks for higher returns.

Term Plan: A term plan of Rs. 2 crores is a wise decision for protecting your family.

Evaluating Investment Options

Actively Managed Mutual Funds

Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns due to expert management. Unlike index funds, which replicate a benchmark index, actively managed funds aim to outperform the market.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Expert Management: Professionals make investment decisions based on market conditions and research.

Potential for Higher Returns: Actively managed funds can outperform the market, offering better returns.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Limited Growth: Index funds aim to replicate the market, which limits their growth potential.

No Expert Management: These funds follow a passive investment strategy, missing out on market opportunities.

Direct vs. Regular Funds

While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they lack the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Regular funds, though slightly more expensive, provide access to professional advice.

Advantages of Regular Funds

Professional Guidance: A CFP can help you choose the best funds and adjust your portfolio based on your goals and risk tolerance.

Holistic Financial Planning: CFPs offer a comprehensive approach to financial planning, considering all aspects of your financial life.

Investment Strategies

To achieve your goals of Rs. 3 crores for your children's education and Rs. 1 crore for retirement, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIPs in Mutual Funds

Increase your SIPs from Rs. 22,000 to Rs. 50,000 per month. Use a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.

Allocate a portion to flexi-cap funds to benefit from different market capitalizations.

Enhance Stock Investments

Increase your monthly investment in stocks from Rs. 10,500 to Rs. 15,000. Choose stocks with strong growth potential and diversify across sectors.

Consider investing in blue-chip stocks for stability and consistent returns.

Optimize NPS Contributions

Continue contributing to your NPS account. It provides tax benefits and helps in building a retirement corpus.

Consider increasing your voluntary contributions to maximize returns.

Review and Rebalance Portfolio

Regularly review your portfolio with a CFP. They can help you rebalance based on market conditions and your goals.

Ensure your portfolio remains diversified and aligned with your risk tolerance.

Debt Management

Focus on repaying your home loan. A lower outstanding loan will reduce financial stress.

Use part of your savings to make prepayments on the loan. This will save on interest and help you become debt-free sooner.

Education Planning for Children

Start a dedicated investment plan for your children's education. Consider child-specific mutual funds and systematic investment plans (SIPs).

Estimate future education costs and adjust your investments accordingly. Inflation will affect education expenses, so plan for higher costs.

Retirement Planning

Allocate a portion of your savings towards retirement. Consider equity mutual funds for higher returns.

Supplement your NPS and EPF with additional investments in mutual funds and stocks.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least six months' expenses. This will provide a safety net in case of unforeseen events.

Keep the emergency fund in a liquid instrument, like a savings account or liquid mutual fund, for easy access.

Tax Planning

Optimize your tax savings by investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds.

Ensure you utilize the benefits of 80C, 80D, and other tax-saving sections.

Future Income and Savings

With your ability to save an additional Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 60,000 per month, consider stepping up your investments annually.

A 5% step-up plan will significantly boost your corpus over the years.

Final Insights

Your financial plan is on the right track. You have a diversified portfolio and clear goals. However, optimizing your investments and increasing your contributions can help you achieve your targets faster. Focus on actively managed mutual funds and regular funds for better returns.

Review and rebalance your portfolio regularly with a CFP's help. Manage your debt effectively and maintain an emergency fund. With disciplined investing and strategic planning, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 35yrs old. Monthly salary around 1.4L, more commitments..Having 4yr old kid, wife is homemaker..having Loans(Credit card 1.5, Personal loan 3) for 4.5L, Not actively into Mutual funds..doing SBI retirement plan monthly 10K, Closed Credit card due of 3.5L with savings exhausted. My family loan dues are there around 8L which needs to be closed urgently and any suggestions to go for PL or OD or any other option sir? Please suggest Need to plan to invest for wealth building and child education(currently 1L per year plan on SSY). Is this sufficient or what can I invest for education needs and wealth building? Request your expertise and kind suggestions.
Ans: You’re managing a lot right now. Your monthly salary of Rs. 1.4 lakhs is solid. You have a 4-year-old child, and your wife is a homemaker. Your current loans include Rs. 1.5 lakhs in credit card debt and Rs. 3 lakhs in personal loans. You also have family loan dues of Rs. 8 lakhs. Recently, you paid off a Rs. 3.5 lakh credit card debt, exhausting your savings. You’re investing Rs. 10,000 monthly in an SBI retirement plan and Rs. 1 lakh per year in SSY for your child’s education. Let’s find the best path forward.

Managing Existing Debts
Prioritise Debt Repayment
Your most urgent financial task is handling your debts. Start with high-interest debts like credit cards. Focus on paying these off first to reduce interest burden. This will free up more money for other financial goals.

Considering Loan Options
For your Rs. 8 lakhs family loan dues, consider a personal loan or overdraft (OD). Both options have pros and cons.

Personal Loan: Fixed interest rate and EMI. Helps in planning your budget. Ensure the interest rate is lower than existing debts.

Overdraft (OD): Flexible repayment, interest only on the amount used. Good for fluctuating cash flow. Interest rates can be higher, so use wisely.

Choose the option that offers the best interest rate and suits your cash flow.

Investing for Wealth Building
Starting with Mutual Funds
Not actively investing in mutual funds? Time to change that. Mutual funds can help grow your wealth over time. They offer diversification, professional management, and potential for high returns. Start with SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) to invest regularly and reduce market timing risk.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest mainly in stocks. High risk, high reward. Suitable for long-term goals like retirement.

Debt Funds: Invest in fixed income securities. Lower risk, stable returns. Good for short-term goals and emergency funds.

Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt. Balanced risk and reward. Suitable for medium-term goals.

Child Education Planning
Current Investment in SSY
Your investment of Rs. 1 lakh per year in SSY (Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana) is a good start. SSY offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits. Keep contributing to it regularly.

Additional Investment Options
Equity Mutual Funds: For long-term education planning. Equity funds can provide higher returns over a long period.

Child Plans: Dedicated plans for child education. Combine insurance and investment. Ensure the policy aligns with your financial goals and offers good returns.

Retirement Planning
Current Retirement Plan
Your Rs. 10,000 monthly contribution to the SBI retirement plan is a positive step. Ensure this plan aligns with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.

Diversifying Retirement Investments
Consider adding mutual funds to your retirement portfolio. Equity funds for growth, and debt funds for stability. A diversified portfolio can help manage risks better.

Building Emergency Fund
Importance of Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It helps you manage unexpected expenses without disrupting your financial plans. Aim to save 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in a liquid fund.

Steps to Build Emergency Fund
Start Small: Begin by saving a small portion of your income.

Automate Savings: Set up automatic transfers to your emergency fund.

Use Liquid Funds: Keep your emergency fund in a liquid mutual fund or savings account for easy access.

Insurance Planning
Importance of Insurance
Adequate insurance coverage is essential. It protects your family’s financial future in case of unexpected events.

Types of Insurance
Term Insurance: Pure life cover. Affordable premiums. Ensure coverage is 10-15 times your annual income.

Health Insurance: Covers medical expenses. Choose a comprehensive plan for your family.

Evaluating Financial Goals
Setting Clear Goals
Define your financial goals clearly. Short-term goals (1-3 years), medium-term goals (3-5 years), and long-term goals (5+ years). This will help you allocate investments appropriately.

Regular Review
Review your financial plan regularly. Adjust your investments as needed to stay on track with your goals.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds are handled by professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market by selecting the best stocks or bonds. This expertise can add value to your portfolio.

Flexibility
Fund managers can quickly adapt to market changes. They can shift investments to take advantage of opportunities or avoid losses.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds aim to beat market returns. While not guaranteed, the potential for higher returns exists.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Flexibility
Index funds simply replicate the market index. They can’t take advantage of market opportunities or avoid downturns.

Potential for Lower Returns
Index funds typically deliver average market returns. They don’t aim to outperform the market.

No Professional Management
Index funds don’t have active fund managers. They follow a passive investment strategy, which may not suit all investors.

Benefits of Investing through a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Advice
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals. This tailored approach can help you make better investment decisions.

Professional Expertise
CFPs have the expertise to navigate complex financial markets. They can help you build a diversified portfolio and manage risks effectively.

Regular Monitoring
Investing through a CFP ensures regular monitoring of your investments. They can make necessary adjustments to keep your financial plan on track.

Final Insights
You have a strong foundation but need to manage your debts effectively. Prioritize high-interest debt repayment and consider a personal loan or overdraft for family dues. Start investing actively in mutual funds for wealth building and child education. Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage and a solid emergency fund. A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help you achieve your financial goals. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir I am 46 year old. I have wife and 2 kids . Daughter is going for study at abroad, son is in 9 th . Following is my investment and loan . Home loan 25 L remaining emi 24 K , Car loan 3 L remaining emi 8 K. Investment 77 L FD , 18 L mutual fund ( 50 K per month) , epf 76 L , ppf 30 L, other gold/ shares 4 L and 3.4 L NSC post office. I earn 2 L per month and my wife 55 K . We require for daughter eduction 7 L per annum for next 6 years and son education after 4 year may be 7 L for 4 years. We want retirement at 55 with 1.5 L per month please suggest how to achieve this
Ans: You have a strong financial foundation. Your income, combined with your wife’s, is Rs. 2.55 lakh per month. You have a diversified investment portfolio, including fixed deposits, mutual funds, EPF, PPF, gold, shares, and NSC. Your loan obligations are Rs. 25 lakh on your home loan and Rs. 3 lakh on your car loan, with EMIs of Rs. 24,000 and Rs. 8,000, respectively.

Your daughter's education costs will be Rs. 7 lakh annually for the next six years. Your son's education will require Rs. 7 lakh annually starting in four years for a period of four years. Additionally, you plan to retire at 55, with a desired monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh.

Financial Goals
1. Funding Education Expenses

Your immediate priority is securing funds for your children's education. For your daughter, you need Rs. 42 lakh over six years. For your son, you need Rs. 28 lakh starting in four years. These goals are crucial and require a robust plan.

2. Retirement Planning

You wish to retire at 55, with a target of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month. With nine years to retirement, it's essential to align your investments to ensure this target is met.

3. Loan Repayment

Paying off your home and car loans will free up cash flow, which can be redirected to other investments.

Strategic Financial Planning
1. Optimizing Loan Repayment

Home Loan: You have Rs. 25 lakh remaining on your home loan. With an EMI of Rs. 24,000, the remaining tenure is likely long. Consider prepaying a portion of this loan. Prepayment will reduce the tenure and save interest. You could use a part of your FD to do this. This action will free up Rs. 24,000 per month in the future.

Car Loan: The outstanding amount is Rs. 3 lakh with an EMI of Rs. 8,000. Given the smaller loan size, it’s advisable to pay this off early. You could use your savings or FD for this. This will free up Rs. 8,000 per month.

2. Investment Strategy for Education

Daughter’s Education: Rs. 7 lakh per annum for six years will need Rs. 42 lakh. You already have Rs. 77 lakh in FD, which is a safe option. However, considering inflation, it’s wise to ensure that these funds are not only secure but also growing. You might want to move some of these funds into a balanced mutual fund or a debt mutual fund. This will offer a better return than FD while still being relatively low-risk.

Son’s Education: Rs. 7 lakh per annum for four years, starting in four years, will require Rs. 28 lakh. You have time to grow this fund. Continue your current SIPs and consider increasing the amount. Mid-cap and small-cap funds can provide higher returns, but they come with higher risk. Since you have time, a mix of equity mutual funds is advisable.

3. Retirement Planning

Current Savings: Your EPF (Rs. 76 lakh) and PPF (Rs. 30 lakh) are solid foundations. Continue contributing to them. Additionally, your Rs. 18 lakh in mutual funds should continue growing. With Rs. 50,000 per month in SIPs, your portfolio will grow significantly over the next nine years.

Diversifying Investments: To achieve Rs. 1.5 lakh per month in retirement, you’ll need a combination of safe and growth-oriented investments. Continue with mutual funds but consider adding debt funds and conservative hybrid funds as you near retirement. This will protect your corpus from market volatility.

4. Building a Contingency Fund

Emergency Savings: With your current income, you should set aside at least six months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund. This would be about Rs. 18 lakh. Your FDs could partially serve this purpose, but you might also consider a separate contingency fund.
5. Health and Insurance Coverage

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your entire family. Medical costs can be a significant burden, especially in retirement. If your current coverage is below Rs. 10-20 lakh, consider enhancing it.

Life Insurance: Review your life insurance needs. Your outstanding loans and future obligations mean you should have sufficient coverage. A term plan is the most cost-effective way to secure this.

Detailed Financial Recommendations
1. Education Funding

Daughter’s Education: Allocate Rs. 7 lakh per annum from your FD. Invest the remaining FD in a balanced mutual fund to keep pace with inflation. This approach balances safety and growth.

Son’s Education: Use your mutual fund SIPs to build this corpus. Consider increasing your SIPs if possible, to ensure you have Rs. 28 lakh by the time he needs it.

2. Prepay Loans

Home Loan: Consider prepaying Rs. 10-15 lakh from your FD. This will significantly reduce your loan tenure and interest burden.

Car Loan: Clear this loan as soon as possible. Use Rs. 3 lakh from your savings or FD to eliminate this EMI. This will increase your monthly cash flow.

3. Retirement Investments

Continue EPF and PPF Contributions: These are your safest investments. Ensure you’re maxing out your PPF contributions annually.

Increase Equity Exposure: Continue with your Rs. 50,000 SIPs. As you get closer to retirement, shift part of your portfolio to less volatile funds. This could include conservative hybrid funds or large-cap funds.

Explore Debt Funds: As you near retirement, consider moving a portion of your mutual fund corpus into debt funds. These provide stability and regular income, which aligns with your retirement goals.

4. Emergency Fund and Insurance

Create a Contingency Fund: Set aside Rs. 18 lakh for emergencies. This fund should be easily accessible, like in a liquid mutual fund.

Review Health Insurance: Ensure your family’s health insurance is adequate. Top up if necessary to cover Rs. 10-20 lakh per person.

Secure Life Insurance: Ensure you have a term insurance plan that covers your outstanding loans and future financial responsibilities.

Final Insights
You have a solid foundation, but optimizing your investments and managing your loans will help you achieve your financial goals. Prioritize your children's education, as these are immediate and significant expenses. Simultaneously, work towards clearing your loans to free up cash flow. Your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month is achievable with disciplined investing and strategic planning. Regularly review your financial plan, adjust as necessary, and keep your goals in focus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ' Careers | Health | Money | Relationship'.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Listen
Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x