Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

32-Year-Old with 6 Lakh Salary at PayPal: How to Build Wealth in 10 Years?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Nehazul Question by Nehazul on Jan 25, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money

Hello sir, I am 32 working with US based Fintech _ PayPal, having package 6 lakh. Can you guide me to invest, build good amount of wealth down in 10 years. Currently I have company ESOP around 4 lakh. With grow I'm having two ELSS which SIP of 500 and RD with ICICI Bank 500 per month. Have monthly expenses of car 12700 monthly for 5 years, consumer durable 5000 for 1 years. Thank you for looking into this.

Ans: You have a good foundation and the right intent to build wealth. Let's first assess your current position and identify areas for improvement:

Income and Package: Your annual package of Rs. 6 lakh is stable, giving you a consistent cash flow.

ESOPs: Your company ESOPs worth Rs. 4 lakh are a valuable asset. However, relying solely on them for wealth creation is risky.

Existing Investments: You have two ELSS SIPs of Rs. 500 each and an RD of Rs. 500 monthly. These are good habits, but the amounts are too low to meet your 10-year wealth-building goal.

Monthly Expenses: Fixed liabilities include Rs. 12,700 for car EMI (5 years) and Rs. 5,000 for consumer durable EMI (1 year). These expenses reduce your ability to invest significantly but will improve after a year.

10-Year Wealth Creation Roadmap
To build a substantial corpus in 10 years, disciplined investments and efficient planning are required. Here’s a step-by-step strategy:

Increase Your Investment Capacity
Debt Repayment Strategy:

Focus on completing the Rs. 5,000 EMI for consumer durable quickly. After 1 year, redirect this amount to investments.
Manage your car EMI as planned but avoid taking any new loans.
Boost Savings:

Aim to save at least 20-25% of your monthly income for investments.
Control Expenses:

Track your monthly expenses and reduce unnecessary spending. Prioritise investments over discretionary expenses.
Focus on Strategic Investments
Increase Equity SIPs:

Enhance your ELSS SIPs gradually after consumer durable EMI ends. Increase monthly SIPs to Rs. 10,000 or more in actively managed funds.
Diversify Equity Investments:

Besides ELSS, include diversified equity mutual funds across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap categories.
Actively managed funds offer better returns over time compared to index funds.
Systematic Allocation:

Start a monthly SIP in equity mutual funds for wealth accumulation. Ensure the SIP amount increases annually with your income.
Emergency Fund Planning
Create an Emergency Corpus:

Build an emergency fund worth 6 months of expenses. Use liquid mutual funds or high-interest savings accounts for this.
Utilise ESOPs for Backup:

Hold your ESOPs for medium-term needs but review their performance periodically. Liquidate when needed for emergency or investment purposes.
Tax-Efficient Planning
Optimise Tax Benefits:

Continue investing in ELSS for tax savings under Section 80C.
Diversify investments beyond ELSS once the Rs. 1.5 lakh limit is met.
Understand Capital Gains Taxation:

Equity funds attract LTCG tax of 12.5% above Rs. 1.25 lakh annually. Keep your withdrawals tax-efficient.
Debt Fund Allocation:

Use debt funds for stability in your portfolio but limit their allocation. Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.
Insurance Review and Optimisation
Life Insurance:

Purchase a term insurance plan for Rs. 1 crore to protect your family’s future. Avoid ULIPs or endowment plans for investment purposes.
Health Insurance:

Check if your employer provides adequate health coverage. If not, take a personal health insurance policy for Rs. 10-20 lakh.
Post-Debt Investment Plan
Increase Investments Post-EMI:

After the car loan ends, allocate the Rs. 12,700 EMI towards investments. This will significantly boost your wealth creation.
Focus on Long-Term Goals:

Direct these additional funds into equity funds and avoid short-term, low-return options like recurring deposits.
Financial Discipline
Automate Investments:

Automate your SIPs to ensure consistent investing without manual intervention.
Avoid Emotional Decisions:

Stay disciplined during market volatility. Avoid withdrawing investments unless absolutely necessary.
Monitoring and Adjustments
Annual Portfolio Review:

Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust asset allocation based on performance and market conditions.
Reassess Goals:

Revisit your 10-year goal periodically and adjust investments if required to stay on track.
Track Progress:

Use investment tracking apps to monitor your SIPs and portfolio growth.
Final Insights
Your current investments and savings need significant enhancement to meet your wealth-building goal. Redirect existing cash flows post-EMI completion to equity mutual funds. Focus on disciplined investing, proper asset allocation, and tax-efficient planning. Use professional guidance to build a portfolio aligned with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello Sir Very good morning Myself Karthikeyan.S from Hosur. Age 36 i have 2 son ( Age 8, 4 ). I Would like to create a wealth to achieve below goals. Child education - 1 crore after 10 years Additional backup amount - 1 crore after 15 years Retirement Plan - At my age of 55 with monthly return of 25000. So , pls guide me how to invest to achieve this goals .
Ans: Crafting a Comprehensive Wealth-Building Strategy
Karthikeyan, it's great that you're planning for your children's education, additional backup, and retirement. This forward-thinking approach will help secure your family's future. Let’s structure your investments to achieve your goals effectively.

Goal 1: Child Education - Rs. 1 Crore After 10 Years
Investment Strategy
To accumulate Rs. 1 crore for your children's education in 10 years, consider an aggressive investment approach. Equity mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals due to their potential for high returns.

Recommended Fund Types
Large Cap Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies with a proven track record.

Mid Cap Funds: These funds offer a balance between risk and return, investing in companies with high growth potential.

Multi Cap Funds: These funds diversify across different market capitalizations, reducing risk while aiming for growth.

Suggested Allocation
Large Cap Funds: 40%
Mid Cap Funds: 30%
Multi Cap Funds: 30%
Goal 2: Additional Backup Amount - Rs. 1 Crore After 15 Years
Investment Strategy
For your additional backup fund, a slightly balanced approach is suitable. Combining equity and debt funds can help achieve this goal with moderate risk.

Recommended Fund Types
Balanced Advantage Funds: These dynamically manage the allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions.

Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing balanced risk and return.

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These have a higher equity component, offering potential for higher returns.

Suggested Allocation
Balanced Advantage Funds: 40%
Hybrid Funds: 30%
Aggressive Hybrid Funds: 30%
Goal 3: Retirement Plan - Monthly Return of Rs. 25,000 at Age 55
Investment Strategy
To generate a monthly return of Rs. 25,000 at age 55, you need a mix of growth and stability. Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular income during retirement.

Recommended Fund Types
Debt Funds: These provide stability and regular income.

Hybrid Funds: These balance growth and income needs.

Equity Income Funds: These generate dividends and offer potential for capital appreciation.

Suggested Allocation
Debt Funds: 50%
Hybrid Funds: 30%
Equity Income Funds: 20%
Monthly Investment Plan
To achieve your goals, consistent monthly investments are crucial. Here’s a structured plan:

Child Education
Assuming an average annual return of 12%, you need to invest around Rs. 50,000 per month in the suggested equity funds.

Additional Backup
Assuming an average annual return of 10%, you need to invest around Rs. 25,000 per month in the suggested balanced funds.

Retirement Corpus
Assuming an average annual return of 8%, you need to invest around Rs. 15,000 per month in the suggested funds.

Reviewing and Rebalancing
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Rebalance annually to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Conclusion
Karthikeyan, your dedication to planning for your family's future is admirable. By following this structured investment strategy, you can achieve your financial goals with confidence. Keep track of your investments, stay disciplined, and adjust as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Gurus.... i am 49 years old working IT professional....my current monthly income is 1.75L with 1 current home loan. In next 10 years i want to invest so that i have almost 1.5cr when i turn 60. Please advice investments.
Ans: At 49 years old, you have a solid 10-year window to build a corpus of Rs 1.5 crore. With a monthly income of Rs 1.75 lakh and a home loan, you have a substantial base to plan your investments effectively. Let's delve into a comprehensive plan to achieve your financial goal.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation

Income and Expenses:

Your monthly income is Rs 1.75 lakh.
Calculate your monthly expenses, including your home loan EMI.
Savings Potential:

Determine your current savings rate.
Aim to save at least 30-40% of your income.
Evaluating Your Home Loan

Home Loan Impact:

Assess the interest rate and tenure of your home loan.
Consider prepaying the loan to reduce interest burden if possible.
Balancing Loan and Investments:

Ensure your loan EMIs do not hinder your ability to invest.
Creating a Diversified Investment Plan

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Start with mutual funds through SIPs for disciplined investing.
Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds for higher returns.
Debt Funds and Fixed Income:

Invest in debt funds for stability and lower risk.
Consider a mix of short-term and long-term debt funds.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF offers tax-free returns and is a safe investment.
Invest the maximum permissible amount annually.
Equity Mutual Funds:

Focus on actively managed equity mutual funds for potential high returns.
Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Calculating Monthly Investment Required

Future Value Calculation:

Using a financial calculator, determine the monthly SIP needed to reach Rs 1.5 crore.
Assume an average annual return of 12%.
Monthly SIP Amount:

To accumulate Rs 1.5 crore in 10 years, invest approximately Rs 65,000 per month.
Tax-Efficient Investments

Tax-Saving Instruments:

Maximize investments in ELSS for tax benefits under Section 80C.
Utilize the Rs 1.5 lakh limit for tax deductions.
Health Insurance:

Invest in health insurance for additional tax benefits under Section 80D.
Secure your family’s health and save on taxes.
Reviewing Insurance Policies

Term Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.
Term plans offer high coverage at low premiums.
Evaluating Existing Policies:

Review any existing LIC, ULIP, or endowment policies.
Consider surrendering low-yield policies and reinvesting in higher-return options.
Emergency Fund and Contingency Planning

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6 months of expenses.
This ensures liquidity without disturbing long-term investments.
Contingency Planning:

Plan for unforeseen events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Keep a portion of your investments easily accessible.
Regular Portfolio Review and Rebalancing

Periodic Review:

Review your investment portfolio every six months.
Adjust allocations based on market performance and financial goals.
Rebalancing Portfolio:

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Sell over-performing assets and reinvest in under-performing ones.
Long-Term Investment Horizon

Power of Compounding:

Start investing immediately to leverage compounding.
Even small amounts grow significantly over time.
Staying Invested:

Avoid withdrawing investments prematurely.
Stay invested through market fluctuations for long-term growth.
Financial Discipline and Consistency

Automated Investments:

Set up automated transfers to your investment accounts.
Ensure consistency in your savings and investments.
Avoiding Unnecessary Expenditures:

Practice financial discipline by avoiding impulsive spending.
Prioritize saving and investing over luxury expenses.
Exploring Additional Income Streams

Part-Time Work or Freelancing:

Explore opportunities for additional income.
Use extra earnings to boost your investments.
Passive Income:

Invest in assets that generate passive income.
This could include dividends from stocks or interest from bonds.
Educating Yourself on Financial Planning

Continuous Learning:

Stay updated with financial news and market trends.
Read books, attend webinars, and follow financial blogs.
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

Seek professional advice for personalized financial strategies.
A CFP can provide tailored plans and help optimize your investments.
Final Insights

Building a corpus of Rs 1.5 crore in 10 years requires disciplined planning and strategic investments. Start by understanding your current financial situation, balancing your home loan with investments, and creating a diversified portfolio. Prioritize tax-efficient investments and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Maintain an emergency fund, regularly review your portfolio, and stay consistent with your investments. Consider additional income streams and continuously educate yourself on financial planning. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help you achieve your financial goals. With dedication and smart strategies, you can secure a prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Listen
Money
hello, my age is 31 year old married. wife is house wife and we have 1 year old daughter alo, i am freelance interior designer, architect from mumbai and earning aprroximate 1.25 lac per month and monthly expenses are approc 30000. i dont have any loan/ dept to pay. currently i have 15 lac in equity market, 10 lac in mutual funds monthly SIP 25000, 2lac in FD, 5lac of gold jewellary, 20 lac of health insurance and 20 lac of Life insurance. please send good planning to make wealth by the age of 50.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 31 years

Family: Married with a homemaker wife and a 1-year-old daughter

Profession: Freelance interior designer and architect

Location: Mumbai

Monthly Income: Rs 1.25 lakh

Monthly Expenses: Rs 30,000

Savings: Rs 95,000 per month

Existing Investments:

Rs 15 lakh in equity market
Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 2 lakh in fixed deposits
Rs 5 lakh in gold jewellery
Rs 20 lakh health insurance
Rs 20 lakh life insurance
Financial Goals
Corpus Goal: Rs 5 crore in the next 12-15 years
Wealth Accumulation Goal: By age 50
Financial Strategy
Evaluation of Existing Investments
Equity Market: Rs 15 lakh

Equity investments earn high returns over a long period.
Invest in different sectors to minimize risk.
Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakh with Rs 25,000 SIP on a monthly basis

One can continue investing through SIP in actively managed funds.
These funds would perform better than index funds as it is expertly managed funds.
Get the services of a CFP to select funds periodically.
Fixed Deposits: Rs 2 lakh

Fixed deposits offer safety but only ordinary returns.
Some of the money could be shifted to betterperforming instruments.
Gold Jewellery: Rs 5 lakh
Gold is an excellent hedge against inflation.
No more money needs to be put into gold as the returns are only good.
Health and Life Insurance: Rs 20 lakh each
Adequate coverage ensures financial security.
Review periodically to check on adequacy of coverage.
Optimising Investments
Increase SIP Amount:

The monthly SIP should be increased from Rs 25,000 to Rs 50,000.
Now, invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap and multi-cap funds.
Since actively managed funds have an added advantage in terms of the possibility of higher returns.
Diversify Equity Investments:

Sectors in which you can diversify your Rs 15 lakh equity investments.
You can add in blue-chip stocks for stability.
Invest in sectors that will grow significantly for better returns.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain emergency funding equivalent to 6 months to 12 months of expenditure.
Consider keeping Rs 3-5 lakh in liquid funds or saving bank accounts.
Regular Review:

Review your investment portfolio regularly.
Flow with the market and adjust by financial goals.
Shun Index Funds:

Index funds closely follow the market index and tend to be inferior to active funds
Active funds can adjust to changes in the market and deliver superior returns
Take the help of a Certified Financial Planner
Engage a CFP for customized investment plans
He helps with the right fund choices and portfolio management
Investment Planning for the Long-term
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP):

Get the help of STP to transfer money from low-risk to high return investments.
This will ensure gradual exposure to equity markets.
Child's Education and Future Needs:

Open a separate fund for the education of your daughter.
You can look at some mutual funds that are specifically for children or PPF.
Retirement Planning:

Start retirement planning through targeted investments.
Diversify into retirement-specific mutual funds with steady growth expectations.
Tax Planning:

Invest in tax-saving products such as ELSS mutual funds.
Save on taxes through deductions available under Section 80C.
Final Words
Monitoring Regularly: Track your financial goals and performance of your investments regularly.

Discipline in Savings: Save and invest Rs 95,000 every month regularly.

Avoid Low-Yield Investments: Avoid investing in low-return instruments like excessive fixed deposits.

Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy.

With these steps, you will be able to achieve your aim of creating a corpus of Rs 5 crore in a span of 12-15 years. A disciplined approach and expert guidance will ensure steady growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to wealth Rs 10 cr after 10 years, so what's the strategy to invest in SUP.
Ans: Achieving a goal of Rs 10 crore in 10 years is ambitious. It requires a clear strategy. As a Certified Financial Planner, I'll walk you through a structured approach. We'll explore investments that align with your time horizon and risk profile. Let's build a plan focusing on mutual funds and their advantages for wealth creation.

Understanding the Time Horizon and Risk Appetite

The first step is understanding your time horizon and risk tolerance. You have a 10-year time horizon, which allows for exposure to high-growth investments. However, it's important to assess your ability to handle volatility. Equities offer higher returns over a long-term horizon but come with risks. A diversified approach helps manage these risks.

Equity Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term wealth creation. Their potential for higher returns makes them suitable for your goal. Actively managed funds, rather than index funds, can offer better opportunities. Fund managers actively adjust portfolios to maximise gains.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are superior to index funds. A fund manager makes decisions based on market conditions. This flexibility can lead to higher returns. Index funds only mimic the market, offering no flexibility. Actively managed funds also allow for adjustments during market downturns.

Why Regular Funds Are Better than Direct Funds

Regular mutual funds have an added advantage over direct funds. When investing through a Certified Financial Planner, you get continuous advice. Your portfolio is reviewed and adjusted based on changing market conditions. With direct funds, you are on your own. The lack of professional advice could result in suboptimal returns. Certified planners provide value with expert guidance.

SIP as the Key to Consistent Wealth Accumulation

A disciplined approach like Systematic Investment Plans (SIP) is essential. SIP helps in rupee cost averaging and counters market volatility. By investing a fixed amount monthly, you buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high. This strategy averages out the cost of your investments over time.

Why SIP is Preferable for Long-Term Investments

SIP offers the advantage of compounding. The power of compounding helps your investments grow exponentially over time. By consistently investing through SIP, your wealth grows even when the market fluctuates. In addition, SIPs encourage financial discipline, helping you stay committed to your long-term goals.

Diversifying Between Large-Cap, Mid-Cap, and Small-Cap Funds

Diversification is key to managing risk and optimizing returns. Your portfolio should have a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Large-cap funds offer stability. These invest in blue-chip companies with proven track records.
Mid-cap funds provide higher growth potential, though with moderate risk.
Small-cap funds offer the highest potential returns, though they come with higher volatility.
By maintaining a balanced portfolio of these funds, you can capture high growth while managing risks.

Debt Funds for Stability and Risk Mitigation

While equity funds drive growth, debt funds bring stability. Debt funds are ideal for managing short-term needs. These funds invest in fixed-income securities, providing a steady return. Though their returns are lower than equity funds, they help balance the risk. Including some allocation to debt funds helps smooth out your portfolio’s performance during market volatility.

New Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds

Be mindful of the new capital gains tax rules.

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
For debt mutual funds, LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab. Taxation must be factored into your overall returns, as it impacts your actual wealth accumulation.

SIP Top-Up for Accelerating Wealth Accumulation

An excellent strategy for increasing your wealth is to gradually increase your SIP contribution. This is known as a SIP Top-Up. By increasing your SIP amount annually, you harness the power of compounding. Your overall returns will grow faster as your investment increases over time. It’s a simple yet powerful way to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Using Liquid Funds for Emergency Savings

While focusing on wealth creation, it’s also important to maintain liquidity for emergencies. Investing in liquid funds helps you manage short-term cash flow needs. Liquid funds offer better returns than savings accounts and are easily accessible. By keeping 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in liquid funds, you safeguard your portfolio from being liquidated during an emergency.

Avoid ULIPs and Investment-Linked Insurance Plans

If you hold any ULIPs or investment-linked insurance plans, consider surrendering them. These plans typically offer lower returns due to high fees and charges. Instead, focus on pure investments like mutual funds, which offer better returns for wealth creation. You can replace the insurance part with a term insurance plan, which provides better coverage at lower premiums.

Review Your Portfolio Regularly

Regular portfolio reviews are essential. Market conditions change, and your portfolio should reflect those changes. Reviewing your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner ensures that your investments remain aligned with your goals. The professional advice from a certified planner helps adjust your strategy when needed.

Balancing Risk and Return Through Asset Allocation

Asset allocation is the foundation of your investment strategy. It involves deciding how much to allocate to equities, debt, and other asset classes. For a goal of Rs 10 crore, you need an aggressive approach with a higher allocation to equities. However, this needs to be balanced with some debt to manage risk.

Risk Management through Rebalancing

Rebalancing your portfolio is necessary to maintain your desired asset allocation. Over time, one asset class may outperform the others, skewing your allocation. Rebalancing brings your portfolio back to its original allocation, ensuring you stay on track. A certified planner can guide you in this process, helping you maintain the right balance of risk and return.

Monitoring Mutual Fund Performance

Monitoring the performance of your mutual funds is crucial. While SIPs allow you to automate investments, it’s important to review fund performance periodically. A fund that performed well earlier may no longer be suitable. Working with a certified planner helps you stay on top of these changes and switch to better-performing funds when necessary.

Final Insights

Achieving Rs 10 crore in 10 years requires disciplined investing and professional guidance. By investing in actively managed mutual funds through SIPs, you create a strong foundation for wealth accumulation. Regular reviews, tax planning, and rebalancing help optimise returns while managing risk. Avoid products like ULIPs and focus on pure investment vehicles.

A Certified Financial Planner provides ongoing advice, ensuring your strategy stays aligned with your goals. With the right mix of equity and debt, and regular reviews, your goal is within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x