Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

How Can I Accumulate 10 Crore by Age 50 with a 3.5 Lakh Monthly Salary?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8118 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Manikandan Question by Manikandan on Nov 24, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi my name is Mani and aged 36 i am drawing a monthly salary of 3.5lakhs. Below are my investments. I want to achieve around 10Cr by 50. Current MF potfolio:50L Shares/ETF: 10L PF: 39L US ESOP: 1.2 Crore Monthly SIP: 1.65Lkhs 2 houses: 95L & 60L I can invest upto 2.5-3lakhs montly. Closed all my loans.

Ans: Your current investments reflect excellent financial discipline and planning. With your income and ability to invest Rs 2.5-3 lakhs monthly, you are in a strong position to achieve your target of Rs 10 crore by 50. However, optimising your portfolio is crucial for achieving this milestone efficiently. Here's an in-depth assessment and strategy to guide you.

Assessment of Current Investments
Mutual Fund Portfolio: Rs 50 Lakh
This portfolio forms a significant part of your wealth.
Equity mutual funds can offer long-term growth.
Regular reviews and diversification will enhance returns.
Shares and ETFs: Rs 10 Lakh
Direct equity and ETFs require active monitoring.
ETFs have limitations, like tracking errors and passive management.
Disadvantages of ETFs:

Lack of flexibility to outperform benchmarks.
Returns are limited to market indices, missing active management benefits.
Provident Fund: Rs 39 Lakh
PF is a safe, tax-efficient retirement tool.
Growth is limited compared to equity investments.
US ESOP: Rs 1.2 Crore
ESOPs provide substantial value, but currency and company risks exist.
Diversification is essential to reduce concentrated risk.
Monthly SIPs: Rs 1.65 Lakh
A high monthly SIP reflects your commitment to wealth creation.
Fund selection and risk balance will determine growth.
Real Estate: Rs 95 Lakh and Rs 60 Lakh
While real estate offers stability, liquidity issues can be a challenge.
Rental income should align with market returns to remain beneficial.
Strategy to Achieve Rs 10 Crore by 50
1. Optimise Mutual Fund Investments
Increase allocation to actively managed equity funds.
Diversify into large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for balanced growth.
Review the portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner every year.
2. Enhance Monthly SIP Contributions
Increase SIPs to Rs 2.5-3 lakh, matching your investment capacity.
Prioritise equity mutual funds for better compounding over 14 years.
Allocate a small portion to debt funds for stability.
3. Reevaluate Direct Equity and ETFs
Limit ETFs due to their passive nature and tracking errors.
Focus on direct equity only if you have time for active monitoring.
Otherwise, shift to professionally managed equity funds.
4. Diversify US ESOP Holdings
Reduce dependency on your company’s ESOPs.
Gradually liquidate and reinvest in Indian equity and international mutual funds.
Diversification will safeguard against market volatility and currency risks.
5. Leverage Provident Fund Efficiently
PF will act as a stable component of your retirement corpus.
Do not withdraw unless essential.
6. Address Real Estate Investments
Analyse the rental yield and growth potential of your properties.
If returns are below expectations, consider selling one property.
Reinvest proceeds in mutual funds for higher returns and liquidity.
Tax Efficiency and New Rules
Equity Mutual Funds
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
Plan withdrawals strategically to reduce tax liability.
Debt Funds
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Use systematic withdrawal plans for efficient taxation.
ESOPs and Real Estate
ESOPs will attract capital gains tax upon sale.
Real estate gains are taxed under capital gains rules.
Invest gains from property sales into mutual funds to save on taxes.
Additional Recommendations
1. Adequate Life and Health Insurance
Ensure you have term insurance covering at least 10 times your annual income.
Maintain comprehensive health insurance for your family.
2. Emergency Fund
Keep six months’ expenses in a liquid fund or savings account.
This ensures liquidity during unforeseen circumstances.
3. Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio
Regularly review asset allocation with a Certified Financial Planner.
Adjust based on market conditions and financial milestones.
Final Insights
You are on the right track with your disciplined investing approach. To ensure you reach Rs 10 crore by 50, optimise your investments, enhance tax efficiency, and diversify risks. Focus on actively managed funds, reduce dependence on real estate, and leverage your high savings potential. Regular monitoring and strategic decisions will make your goal achievable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8118 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello Sir, myself Venkatesh aged 35 working in PSU current monthly takehome salary is Rs.1.20lac investing Rs.1,50,000/- in PPF per annum, havings corpus in fixed deposits around Rs.30lacs, investing in Mutual funds through monthly SIP of Rs.8000/- in three funds from past 3years 1.Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund-Reg(G)- 3K 2. Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund-Reg(G)- 3K 3. Axis Focused 25 Fund-Reg(G)- 2K. Now i want to invest another Rs.15,000/- per month for 18-20years and also advise by what amount i can stepup my existing portfolio for better returns.
Ans: Dear Venkatesh,

Thank you for sharing your financial details and investment strategy. Your disciplined approach towards saving and investing is commendable, and it's great to see your proactive efforts towards planning for the future.

Considering your current financial situation and goals, here's a suggested plan for investing an additional ?15,000 per month and optimizing your existing portfolio:

New Investment of ?15,000 per Month:

Given your investment horizon of 18-20 years, you have the opportunity to invest in equity-oriented mutual funds to potentially achieve long-term growth.
Since you already have exposure to flexi-cap, large-cap, and focused equity funds, you can consider diversifying further by investing in mid-cap or multi-cap funds to capture opportunities across different market segments.
Allocate the additional ?15,000 per month across 2-3 mutual funds to ensure proper diversification and mitigate risk.
Portfolio Step-Up:

Evaluate the performance of your existing SIPs in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund, Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund, and Axis Focused 25 Fund.
Consider increasing your SIP contributions gradually over time to capitalize on the power of compounding and accelerate wealth accumulation.
Utilize the step-up SIP feature offered by mutual fund platforms to automatically increase your SIP amounts by a predefined percentage or fixed amount annually.
Review your portfolio periodically and adjust your SIP contributions as needed to stay aligned with your investment goals and risk tolerance.
Regular Review and Rebalancing:

Periodically review your investment portfolio and asset allocation to ensure that it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Rebalance your portfolio as needed to maintain your desired asset allocation and optimize returns. This involves selling overperforming assets and reinvesting the proceeds into underperforming or undervalued assets.
Consultation:

Consider consulting with a qualified financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial objectives and risk profile.
An advisor can help you assess your current portfolio, identify any gaps or areas for improvement, and recommend suitable investment options to achieve your long-term financial goals.
By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investment strategy, you can work towards building a strong financial foundation and achieving your financial aspirations.

Best regards,

Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8118 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear sir, I am running 43. My current investment portfolio is 27 Lakh in PPF, 3 Lakh in Mutual Funds with investment in 8 mutual fund with 1000 sip every month for each funds. Approx 10 lakh of gold, 5 lakhs in savings and 8 lakhs in stocks. I am yet to start a family and intend to have 2 kids if not atleast 1 as of now. My current salary is approx 80,000 a month. Kindly help me in guidance if my investment portfolio is right and what are other options where I can invest now on. I have my own house and EMI is 8000 every month. I also intend to buy new home worth 1 Cr approx. I have no fix plans to retire at 60 but would like to have monthly interest income of 1 lakh per month in next 18 years. So kindly guide me. Thank you,
Ans: Congratulations on maintaining a well-rounded investment portfolio at 43. Your diverse investments in PPF, mutual funds, gold, savings, and stocks are commendable. Your steady salary, owning a home, and planning for the future show a solid foundation for financial stability. Let’s analyze your current portfolio, identify potential improvements, and suggest strategies to achieve your financial goals.

Assessing Your Current Investment Portfolio
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your PPF investment of Rs 27 lakhs is a strong, secure component of your portfolio. PPF offers tax-free returns and safety, making it a reliable long-term investment. Continue contributing to maximize the benefits of compound interest and tax advantages.

Mutual Funds
You have Rs 3 lakhs in mutual funds, investing Rs 1,000 per month in each of 8 different funds. Diversification is good, but having too many funds with small SIP amounts may dilute returns. Consider consolidating into fewer, well-performing funds to optimize growth. Actively managed funds can provide better returns compared to index funds.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds

Actively managed funds are overseen by professional managers aiming to outperform the market. Despite higher fees, they often yield better long-term returns. Index funds, on the other hand, replicate market indices and offer average returns. For your goals, actively managed funds are more suitable.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds

Investing through regular funds involves a commission for mutual fund distributors (MFDs). The expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures better fund selection and management. Direct funds save on commission but lack professional oversight. Regular funds offer better-managed investments, making them a wise choice.

Gold
Your gold investment of Rs 10 lakhs is a good hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty. Gold provides stability and can be a safe store of value. Consider allocating a portion of your investment to sovereign gold bonds or gold ETFs for better returns and safety.

Savings
Having Rs 5 lakhs in savings provides liquidity and security. Ensure this fund is easily accessible for emergencies. Consider moving a portion to a high-interest savings account or liquid mutual funds for better returns while maintaining liquidity.

Stocks
An Rs 8 lakh investment in stocks indicates a willingness to take higher risks for higher returns. Continue monitoring your stock portfolio and consider diversifying across sectors to manage risk better. Avoid excessive concentration in a single stock or sector.

Financial Goals and Future Planning
Monthly Interest Income Goal
You aim to have a monthly interest income of Rs 1 lakh in 18 years. This translates to Rs 12 lakhs annually. To achieve this, you need a well-diversified portfolio generating sufficient returns while preserving capital.

Strategies for Achieving Financial Goals
Increase Mutual Fund SIPs
Increase your SIP contributions in mutual funds. Focus on a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and return. Equity funds provide growth potential, while debt funds offer stability.

Review and Consolidate Mutual Funds

Review your current mutual funds and consolidate them into fewer, high-performing funds. This ensures better management and potential for higher returns. Actively managed funds can be a good choice for achieving higher growth.

National Pension System (NPS)
Consider investing in the National Pension System (NPS). It offers tax benefits and a mix of equity, debt, and government securities. NPS can provide a steady income post-retirement, complementing your other investments.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds to generate regular income. SWPs provide flexibility and potential for capital appreciation. This can be an effective way to achieve your monthly income goal in retirement.

Diversification for Stability and Growth
Debt Mutual Funds

Include debt mutual funds in your portfolio. They provide stability and regular income with lower risk compared to equity funds. Debt funds suit medium-term goals and act as a buffer against market volatility.

Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate a significant portion of your portfolio to equity mutual funds. They offer high growth potential, crucial for building a retirement corpus. Focus on funds with a good track record and consistent performance.

Insurance: Protection First
Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage to protect your family's financial future. Avoid investment-cum-insurance policies like ULIPs, LIC endowment plans, as they offer lower returns and inadequate insurance cover. Consider surrendering such policies and reinvesting the proceeds in mutual funds.

Health Insurance
Adequate health insurance is crucial. Review your existing health coverage and consider increasing it if necessary. Medical expenses can be substantial, and comprehensive health insurance will protect your savings.

Emergency Fund: The Safety Net
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a high-interest savings account or liquid mutual fund. An emergency fund provides financial security against unforeseen expenses.

Saving for a New Home
You plan to buy a new home worth Rs 1 crore. Estimate the down payment and loan amount. Save for the down payment through a mix of fixed deposits, debt funds, and balanced funds. Ensure your EMI is manageable within your monthly budget.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning maximizes your disposable income. Utilize available deductions under Section 80C, 80D, and others. Your contributions to PPF, NPS, and mutual funds (ELSS) help in tax savings while building your corpus.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio’s performance. Market conditions and personal goals change over time. Rebalance your investments to maintain the desired asset allocation. A CFP can provide valuable insights and adjustments.

Financial Discipline and Continuous Learning
Maintaining financial discipline is key to achieving your goals. Automate your investments to ensure consistency. Stay informed about financial markets and new investment opportunities. Financial literacy empowers better decision-making.

Seeking Professional Guidance
A CFP provides personalized advice aligned with your goals. Their expertise in financial planning ensures optimal investment strategies, tax efficiency, and risk management. Regular consultations help in adapting to changing circumstances and market conditions.

Conclusion
Your current investment portfolio is strong, but there are areas for improvement. Diversify your investments, increase SIP contributions, and focus on achieving your long-term goals. With careful planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve a secure financial future.

Invest wisely, stay disciplined, and enjoy a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8118 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi sir myself Asif I am 27 working in gulf my salary is arround 50k INR in which I give 10k to my father and 10k my expenses including food I started sip from this year with my brother we both are investing montly 15k in Which my contribution is 7.5k I am investing in mutual funds 4k Nippon India large cap 4k Quant small cap and 4k motilal oswal mid cap and 3k in nifty 50 hdfc Index fund that is total 15k and I pay 2.5k of RD and 3k in etf of gold and silver I have invested arround 1lakh in stock's and 1lakh in crypto and I have shavings of cash arround 1lakh and still 10k cash is I am getting saved give me a road map to invest this 10k and check our selected mutual funds are good and suggest me if any changes required me and my brother target is to make 1cr corpus Thank you sir
Ans: You have made a great start in investments. Here is a detailed financial roadmap for you:

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Your salary is Rs 50,000 per month.

You contribute Rs 10,000 to your father.

Your monthly expenses are Rs 10,000.

You are saving and investing well at an early age.

Your goal is to build a Rs 1 crore corpus.

Emergency Fund for Financial Security
You have Rs 1 lakh in savings.

This is a good start, but increase it to Rs 2 lakh.

Emergency funds should be kept in liquid investments.

Avoid investing all cash in stocks or crypto.

Review of Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
You are investing Rs 15,000 per month in mutual funds.

You have a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

You are also investing in an index fund.

Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.

Consider shifting from index funds to a well-managed fund.

Review fund performance every year and make changes if needed.

Gold and Silver ETFs
You invest Rs 3,000 in gold and silver ETFs.

Gold and silver provide stability in volatile markets.

Limit allocation to 5-10% of the total portfolio.

Avoid over-investing in commodities for better long-term growth.

Investment in Stocks and Crypto
You have Rs 1 lakh in stocks and Rs 1 lakh in crypto.

Stocks should be chosen carefully based on company performance.

Crypto is highly volatile, so keep investment under 5-10% of the total portfolio.

Focus more on long-term assets like mutual funds.

Utilising Your Additional Rs 10,000 Savings
Increase SIP investment by Rs 5,000 per month.

Invest in actively managed funds for better returns.

Increase RD or invest in debt funds for stability.

Allocate the remaining Rs 5,000 to a passive income source.

Final Insights
Your investment strategy is well-structured, but minor adjustments are needed.

Shift from index funds to actively managed funds for better returns.

Increase your emergency fund to Rs 2 lakh for security.

Diversify stock investments and limit crypto exposure.

Continue disciplined investing to achieve the Rs 1 crore goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8118 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Sir Namaskar. I need 10 lac. I can put around 15-20k every month. I am now at 57. Please suggest me the way out. Regards
Ans: You need Rs. 10 lakh.
You can invest Rs. 15K–20K per month.
You are 57 years old.
A structured approach will help you reach your goal efficiently. The right investment choices, tenure, and risk management will be key.

Assessing the Timeframe
If you need Rs. 10 lakh within 3 years, a low-risk strategy is better.
If you have 5+ years, you can take moderate risk for better returns.
Your risk appetite, income stability, and other financial commitments also matter.
Short-term and long-term plans need different strategies.

Choosing the Right Investment Strategy
Low-Risk Approach (For 3 Years or Less)
Bank recurring deposits (RDs) offer stable but low returns.
Short-term debt mutual funds give slightly better returns than RDs.
Fixed deposits (FDs) in small finance banks provide higher interest.
Corporate bonds of high-rated companies can offer fixed income.
These options are safe but may not beat inflation.

Moderate-Risk Approach (For 3–5 Years)
Conservative hybrid mutual funds balance equity and debt.
Dynamic bond funds adjust based on interest rate changes.
Post office savings schemes offer security but fixed returns.
Gold ETFs can act as a hedge against inflation.
Moderate risk gives better returns than FDs but needs periodic review.

Growth-Oriented Approach (For 5+ Years)
Actively managed flexicap mutual funds allow growth with risk control.
Large & midcap funds balance safety and higher returns.
SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) after 5+ years can give monthly income.
Sectoral funds (like pharma, IT) are riskier but can boost returns.
Long-term investing helps wealth grow faster than inflation.

Managing Liquidity and Emergency Needs
Always keep 6 months’ expenses in a savings account or liquid fund.
Avoid investing all your money in one asset class.
Keep some investments easy to withdraw in case of emergencies.
Liquidity management ensures financial stability while you invest.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.
Equity mutual funds have 12.5% LTCG tax after Rs. 1.25 lakh gains.
FDs have TDS if interest crosses Rs. 40K (Rs. 50K for senior citizens).
Choosing tax-efficient instruments will maximize net returns.
Tax planning helps in retaining more earnings.

Retirement Considerations While Investing
Since you are 57, your investment should not affect retirement savings.
If your pension or other income is fixed, don’t take excess risk.
If you have additional savings, you can afford a balanced approach.
Avoid investing everything in equity unless you have surplus funds.
Retirement safety should be a priority while planning for Rs. 10 lakh.

Practical Investment Plan Based on Timeframe
If Needed in 3 Years
50% in short-term debt funds.
30% in fixed deposits or post office schemes.
20% in high-rated corporate bonds.
Low risk with steady returns.

If Needed in 5 Years
50% in conservative hybrid funds.
30% in large & midcap equity funds.
20% in short-term debt funds.
Balanced risk with potential growth.

If Needed in 7+ Years
60% in actively managed equity funds.
20% in hybrid funds for stability.
20% in gold ETFs or debt funds.
Higher risk but better long-term gains.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Don't keep all savings in FDs, as they give low post-tax returns.
Avoid high-risk stocks or thematic funds if you need funds soon.
Never invest emergency funds in volatile assets.
Review investments annually to stay aligned with the goal.
A disciplined approach prevents financial stress.

Finally
Your Rs. 10 lakh goal is achievable with systematic investing.
Choose the right asset mix based on your timeframe and risk level.
Keep tax efficiency, liquidity, and retirement security in mind.
Regular review and professional guidance will optimize your returns.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Rajesh Kumar

Rajesh Kumar Singh  |254 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, GATE Expert - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Rajesh Kumar

Rajesh Kumar Singh  |254 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, GATE Expert - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1118 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 08, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Dear PF Expert, My question is regarding the impact of partial withdrawal money from my EPF corpus. I quit my job in Feb 2023 (2 years ago) to work as a freelancer, after more than 18 years of service in the industry. My understanding: a. After 3 years of no contribution to the PF account, it becomes dormant and doesn't accrue any interest. b. To receive the EPS pension, one needs to turn 58 years. c. Based on the formula (Pensionable Salary) * (Pensionable Service) / 70, the max. monthly pension is capped to Rs. 7500 as on Mar, 2025. To meet certain financial needs, I would like to make a partial withdrawal from my PF corpus. My questions: 1) How will this impact my EPS pension after I turn 58 years? Since the Pensionable salary is dependent only on the average salary in the last 5 years of service and not on the outstanding corpus, the fact that I have withdrawn before retirement age of 58 shouldn't matter. Is my understanding correct? Also, since my average Basic for the last 5 years of service was more than Rs. 15000 and I had 18 years of service, I should ideally get a monthly pension of 15000 * 18/70 = Rs.3857 (approx.) Please confirm if my understanding and calculation is correct (Of course, this is assuming that the formula will hold good when I eventually turn 58 to receive the pension) 2)If this is the only partial withdrawal that I would ever make, can I assume that the corpus that would be available for lumpsum withdrawal after I turn 58 would be: [Current Corpus - Partial Withdrawn Amount] * (1.0825) * 1 (EPF interest of 8.25 % and I have only one more year of interest accrual out of 3)? Please respond so that I can make an informed decision about my partial withdrawal
Ans: Hello;

Answers to your queries are as given below:

1. EPF partial withdrawal will have No impact on EPS.
The estimated monthly EPS pension seems okay.

2. Your assumption about net EPF corpus available to you after 58 is correct, in principal.

Best wishes;

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |560 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Relationship
Hi , I am 42 year married man in love with 37 yr old married girl , her husband is not a good man in every accepts and my wife is same we are with our partners due to children, Our relationship is 14 year old. We lived in different cities which are 6 hour run away from each other , We often meet 2 to 3 times in a month. Before relation with me she was in love another guy (Before marriage) and this was continued after marriage too. After 1 year of marriage her boy friend passes away in an accident and then Then I enter in her life , Now I come to the point from last 2 year due to some differences and due to corona effect we could not meet and our telephonic conversation was very minimum even once in 10 days and due to some financial problems she started a Job in a school , There she meet with a guy and they become closer and physical too and that guy was in relation with another girl too. After 3-4 month I doubt that she is talking with someone else So I asked her directly that question but she denied, By the time we again start meeting frequently Then After more 3-4 months she accepted that she is in relation with another guy, She told me that he looks like his Ex-boyfriend that why she attracted towards him. She give him 35 K Rs , Then I told her that Why she did not tell me that before ?? She reply that she was in trap of that guy because he is in the same school in which she was a teacher. She left that school then she get a courage to told me that all things. She cry a lot an apologizes many times then I told her we can continue if she never talk with him. She agreed after another 3-4 months later she expose another truth that she is in touch with him through Google chat but she never meet him neither she talk him about past on phone , she told me that she only talk with with him to know his well being only. She told me that one day that guy offer him to again physical and after that she started hating him and stop talking him. Now She is teaching in another school and that boy in other school , When ever she shaw him on Road she tells me about that . Now she asking me that if I caught her again cheating then I can do whatever I want. I love her so much and She loves me too Even we remain in touch on phone 10-12 hr in a day. Now my Question is that Can I believe her again ?? That she will not get in touch that boy in future ?? Should I continue this relation ??
Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |2131 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x