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How can I make the best of my savings with a monthly income of Rs.70,000?

Anil

Anil Rego  |377 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Anil Rego is the founder of Right Horizons, a financial and wealth management firm. He has 20 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
He’s an expert in income tax and wealth management.
He has completed his CFA/MBA from the ICFAI Business School.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 30, 2024Hindi
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HI, my in hand sal is 70k. Besides that I have 15K SIP , 11k as Car EMI apart from that I monthly regularly save 18K in my savings. Currently m having a corpus of 7 lac in MF, 8Lac in PPF, rest is spend on home Expences. Are my savings enough or do I need to invest more and where do I need to invest. Kindly suggest

Ans: Hi,
We should be able to answer your question effectively if we get to know your age and the specific goals you are looking at. Without any goal for a specific duration, it will not be effective to say whether your savings and investment is enough. We urge you to prepare a goal list which might help you to streamline your budget. You can write to us once you have this list so that we can help you better.

Best Regards,
Anil Rego,
Founder & CEO,
Right Horizons
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

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I am 36 years old, married. I am investing 45k per month on SIP ( 22k Nifty 50 UTI, 10K parag parekh, 8k SBI small cap, 5k Mid cap) , 10k in PPF, 7k NPS, 5k on stocks as investment. I have EPF as well 16k per month. I am planning to buy a house and I also I pay rent of 16k currently. I have a small flat of home loan 14k. Sir plz do let me know if my investment choice is fine or not. Also I want to have a pension of 70k-1 lac when I retire in my home town.
Ans: It's commendable to see your commitment towards saving and investing at such a young age. Let's delve into your current investment strategy and future goals.

Your SIP investments across different categories indicate a diversified approach, which is good. However, it's essential to review the performance of these funds periodically and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

The allocation towards PPF and NPS reflects a mix of long-term savings and retirement planning, which is a prudent move.

Considering your plan to buy a house and current home loan, it's crucial to balance your investments with your liabilities. Also, with rent and EPF contributions, ensuring sufficient liquidity for short-term needs and emergencies is vital.

For your retirement goal of having a pension of 70k-1 lac, you might want to consider increasing your NPS contributions or exploring other pension-oriented investment avenues.

A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They can help you optimize your investment portfolio, guide you on balancing investments with your future home purchase, and align your retirement savings with your desired pension.

Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process, and it's essential to review and adjust periodically to stay on track towards your goals. Best wishes for your financial journey ahead!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir My age is 31 My in hand salary is 1.5 lakh per month. Below are investment I am doing 30k for Rd 5k for nps 16500 for mutual fund 20k house emi Rest if going as fd 80k I want to retire by 45 And I want corpus around 2cr Please is current investment is okay or should I modify it?
Ans: Thank you for sharing the details of your financial situation and goals. It’s commendable that you have a clear vision for your retirement and are actively investing towards it. Let's review your current investments and create a robust plan to achieve your goal of retiring by 45 with a corpus of Rs 2 crores.

Current Financial Situation Analysis

At 31 years old, you have a monthly in-hand salary of Rs 1.5 lakhs. Your current investments are as follows:

Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 30,000 per month
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 5,000 per month
Mutual Funds: Rs 16,500 per month
House EMI: Rs 20,000 per month
Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs 80,000 per month
Your goal is to retire by 45 with a corpus of Rs 2 crores. Let's evaluate and optimize your current investment strategy.

Evaluating Current Investments

Recurring Deposit (RD)

Recurring Deposits offer guaranteed returns but have lower interest rates compared to other investment options. While they are safe, they may not help you achieve your retirement corpus due to their lower growth potential.

National Pension System (NPS)

NPS is a good retirement savings option offering tax benefits and a mix of equity and debt exposure. However, NPS has restrictions on withdrawals before retirement and mandatory annuitization at maturity.

Mutual Funds

Investing Rs 16,500 per month in mutual funds is a good strategy. Mutual funds offer diversification and potential for higher returns. Evaluating the types of mutual funds you’re investing in (equity, debt, hybrid) will help ensure proper asset allocation.

House EMI

Your house EMI of Rs 20,000 per month is a fixed commitment. While this is not an investment, it's part of your financial planning and impacts your cash flow.

Fixed Deposits (FD)

Allocating Rs 80,000 per month to fixed deposits is significant. FDs offer safety but low returns. They may not be the best option for long-term wealth creation due to their low interest rates compared to inflation.

Setting Up a Robust Financial Plan

1. Setting Clear Financial Goals

Retirement Corpus

Your goal is to accumulate Rs 2 crores by the age of 45. This requires a strategic approach to investing with a focus on growth while managing risks.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability during unexpected situations.

2. Optimizing Your Investment Portfolio

Recurring Deposit Adjustment

Consider reducing your monthly RD contributions. Redirect these funds to higher-return investments like mutual funds. While RDs are safe, their low returns may not help you reach your retirement goal efficiently.

Increasing Mutual Fund Investments

Increasing your mutual fund investments will enhance your portfolio’s growth potential. Investing in equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over the long term. Diversify your mutual fund investments across different categories (large cap, mid cap, small cap, and hybrid funds).

Evaluating NPS Contributions

NPS is a good option for retirement savings due to its tax benefits and mix of equity and debt. Continue your NPS contributions but consider increasing them if possible. The equity exposure in NPS can help in achieving higher returns.

Reducing Fixed Deposit Allocations

Fixed deposits are safe but offer lower returns. Reduce your FD contributions and redirect these funds to mutual funds or other high-return investment options. This will enhance your portfolio’s growth potential.

Investment Allocation Strategy

Here’s a suggested investment allocation based on your monthly budget:

Equity Mutual Funds: Rs 50,000 (Higher growth potential but higher risk)
Debt Mutual Funds: Rs 10,000 (Stability and lower risk)
NPS: Rs 10,000 (Retirement savings with tax benefits)
Emergency Fund: Rs 10,000 (Until you reach the target amount)
3. Calculating Required Monthly Savings

To achieve your goal of Rs 2 crores in 14 years, let’s calculate the required monthly savings assuming an average annual return of 12% from your investments.

You need to invest approximately Rs 58,772 per month to achieve your goal of Rs 2 crores in 14 years with an annual return of 12%.

4. Strategic Asset Allocation

To achieve a balanced portfolio, diversify your investments across different asset classes:

Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds for higher growth. Diversify across large cap, mid cap, and small cap funds. Actively managed funds offer potential for higher returns compared to index funds.

Debt Mutual Funds

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and lower risk. These funds provide regular income and preserve capital.

National Pension System (NPS)

Continue and potentially increase your NPS contributions. NPS offers a balanced mix of equity and debt, which is beneficial for long-term retirement planning.

Emergency Fund

Maintain a separate emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. Aim for 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid, easily accessible account.

5. Regular Review and Rebalancing

Financial planning is an ongoing process. Regularly review your portfolio’s performance and make necessary adjustments. Market conditions and personal goals may change, requiring rebalancing of your investments.

Professional Guidance

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will provide you with personalized advice and professional management of your investments. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, monitoring performance, and making strategic adjustments.

Empathy and Understanding

It's understandable that managing finances can be challenging, especially with long-term goals. Your dedication to securing your financial future is commendable. Taking proactive steps and seeking professional advice will help you achieve your goals efficiently.

Final Insights

Your commitment to achieving a retirement corpus of Rs 2 crores by 45 is ambitious yet achievable. By optimizing your current investments, increasing mutual fund allocations, and maintaining regular contributions, you can reach your goal.

Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process that requires regular monitoring and adjustments. Stay focused, consult with a Certified Financial Planner, and keep your long-term goals in mind. With a strategic approach and disciplined investing, you’ll achieve financial freedom and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Money
Hi my age is 34 earning 1.30l per month, my saving are monthly 26k in different sips, 12.5k monthy ppf, 2 policies total amount of 15-16lakhs paying 30 and 70k premium yearly ( mature in 2035), investing montly in gold - 500 and 50,000 yearly in nps. Rest 5 to 10k in saving account. I have 2 questions 1.Should I need to invest more if i want total corpus of 3 crore? 2. I have 2 daughters so i should have enough amount for their education and their marriage
Ans: Planning for Your Financial Future: Building a Rs 3 Crore Corpus and Securing Your Daughters' Futures

Congratulations on your disciplined saving and investment habits. Your current financial strategy is commendable, and it’s clear you’re committed to securing a prosperous future for yourself and your daughters. Let’s address your questions and develop a comprehensive plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
To start, let’s review your existing financial commitments and investments:

Monthly Income: Rs 1,30,000
Monthly Savings and Investments:
SIPs: Rs 26,000
PPF: Rs 12,500
Policies: Rs 30,000 and Rs 70,000 annually (equivalent to Rs 8,333 per month)
Gold: Rs 500
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually (equivalent to Rs 4,167 per month)
Savings Account: Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000
Your total monthly investments sum up to approximately Rs 51,500, excluding the savings account contributions.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
You have two primary goals:

Accumulating a Rs 3 Crore Corpus
Ensuring Funds for Your Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Goal 1: Accumulating a Rs 3 Crore Corpus
Calculating the Future Value of Your Investments
To determine if you need to invest more, we must project the future value of your current investments. Let’s assume an average annual return of 12% for your SIPs, considering they are likely invested in equity mutual funds.

Formula for Future Value of SIP:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 26,000)
r = Annual interest rate (0.12)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (12)
t = Number of years (26, assuming retirement at age 60)
Future Value Calculation for SIPs
Using the formula above:

FV = 26,000 * [(1 + 0.12/12)^(12 * 26) - 1] / (0.12/12)

FV = 26,000 * [(1 + 0.01)^(312) - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * [(1.01)^312 - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * [36.786 - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * 35.786 / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * 3,578.6

FV = 9,30,43,600

So, the future value of your SIPs after 26 years would be approximately Rs 9.3 crores.

Future Value Calculation for PPF
The PPF has a fixed rate of return. Assuming an average annual return of 7.1%:

Formula for Future Value of PPF:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 12,500)
r = Annual interest rate (0.071)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (1)
t = Number of years (15, due to PPF maturity period)
FV = 12,500 * [(1 + 0.071/1)^(1 * 15) - 1] / (0.071/1)

FV = 12,500 * [(1 + 0.071)^15 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * [(1.071)^15 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * [2.847 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * 1.847 / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * 26.014

FV = 3,25,175

So, the future value of your PPF after 15 years would be approximately Rs 3.25 lakhs.

Future Value Calculation for NPS
NPS investments typically yield around 10% annually. Assuming the annual contribution is Rs 50,000:

Formula for Future Value of NPS:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 4,167)
r = Annual interest rate (0.10)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (1)
t = Number of years (26)
FV = 4,167 * [(1 + 0.10/1)^(1 * 26) - 1] / (0.10/1)

FV = 4,167 * [(1 + 0.10)^26 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * [(1.10)^26 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * [10.835 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * 9.835 / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * 98.35

FV = 4,09,445

So, the future value of your NPS after 26 years would be approximately Rs 4.09 lakhs.

Additional Investments
Your existing policies (LIC, ULIP) may not offer the best returns. Consider surrendering them and redirecting the premiums into mutual funds for potentially higher growth.

Goal 2: Funding Your Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Estimating Future Expenses
Education Costs: Assume a need of Rs 20 lakhs for each daughter’s higher education.
Marriage Costs: Assume Rs 20 lakhs for each daughter’s marriage.
Let’s estimate the inflation-adjusted cost of education and marriage in the future.

Formula for Future Value of Education Costs:

FV = PV * (1 + r)^t

Where:

PV = Present value (Rs 20 lakhs)
r = Inflation rate (0.06)
t = Number of years until the expense (assume 10 years for education)
Future Value Calculation for Education
FV = 20,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^10

FV = 20,00,000 * (1.06)^10

FV = 20,00,000 * 1.791

FV = 35,82,000

So, the future value of education costs after 10 years would be approximately Rs 35.82 lakhs.

Future Value Calculation for Marriage
Assuming marriages in 20 years:

FV = 20,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^20

FV = 20,00,000 * (1.06)^20

FV = 20,00,000 * 3.207

FV = 64,14,000

So, the future value of marriage costs after 20 years would be approximately Rs 64.14 lakhs.

Investment Strategy for Daughters’ Future
Child Education Funds: Invest in dedicated mutual funds for child education. These funds typically offer higher returns and are tailored for education expenses.
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP): Use STP to gradually move funds from equity to debt as the expense time nears to minimize risk.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Consider SSY for long-term savings for your daughters, offering tax benefits and secure returns.
Monitoring and Adjusting Investments
Regularly review your investments to ensure they align with your goals. Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Periodic Reviews
Annual Performance Review: Evaluate the performance of your investments and adjust as necessary.
Adjusting Asset Allocation: Shift funds between equity and debt based on market conditions and your risk tolerance.
Risk Management
Diversification is crucial to minimize risks. Spread investments across various asset classes to safeguard against market volatility.

Market Risk
Equity Investments: High returns but subject to market fluctuations. Diversify across sectors and companies.
Debt Investments: Lower returns but more stable. Include high-quality debt instruments for stability.
Tax Considerations
Maximize tax efficiency by leveraging tax-saving instruments under Section 80C. Ensure investments align with your overall financial strategy.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): Provides tax benefits and good returns. Suitable for long-term goals.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Safe and tax-efficient. Ideal for conservative investors.
Professional Guidance
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help tailor your investment strategy to meet your specific goals.

Advantages of CFP
Expertise in Financial Planning: Offers professional insights and strategies.
Personalized Advice: Tailored to your financial situation and goals.
Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 3 crore corpus and securing funds for your daughters’ education and marriage requires disciplined investing and strategic planning. Your current investments are a strong foundation, but consider increasing contributions for higher returns.

Diversify your investments, monitor performance regularly, and adjust your portfolio as needed. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable guidance and help you stay on track.

Stay committed to your goals, and with careful planning, you can achieve financial security and ensure a bright future for your daughters.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi. I am 39 years old, working in a PSU bank and earning around 2 lac a month with in hand around 1.2 lac. I have investment of Rs. 22 lac in fd, 11 lac in ppf, 7 lac in scss, 8 lac in mf and 12 lac in stocks. My NPS portfolio is Rs. 40 lac. Have one flat 2bhk and a small car with loan outstanding of 19 lac in total. Presently investing around 50K a month under various heads. Am I on right path? I am planning for one more flat which will affect my savings by Rs 25K. I live with my mother, wife and a new born baby.
Ans: Income and Savings: With an income of Rs 2 lakh per month and in-hand of Rs 1.2 lakh, you have a solid base for growth. Investing Rs 50,000 monthly reflects a commitment to building your wealth over time.

Investments in Fixed Income: Rs 22 lakh in fixed deposits (FD), Rs 11 lakh in Public Provident Fund (PPF), and Rs 7 lakh in Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) add security. These instruments are good for capital protection but may fall short on growth due to limited returns over the long term, especially with inflation.

Equity Investments: Your mutual fund (MF) investments at Rs 8 lakh and direct stock investments at Rs 12 lakh show a healthy inclination toward growth. However, they could be reviewed for better alignment with your goals and risk tolerance.

NPS Investment: A significant Rs 40 lakh in the National Pension System (NPS) is a commendable retirement savings measure. It offers market-linked returns and tax benefits, enhancing your retirement corpus.

Loans: An outstanding loan of Rs 19 lakh on your flat and car requires attention. Consider its impact on your cash flow and debt obligations when planning future investments.

Family Support: Supporting your mother, wife, and newborn, along with financial goals, requires a prudent and balanced strategy. This should include both asset growth and safety nets, like emergency funds and adequate insurance.

Evaluating the Decision for a Second Property Purchase
While property can be a long-term asset, it’s essential to consider the following factors:

Impact on Savings: A second flat would affect your monthly savings by Rs 25,000, reducing your existing investments. The impact on your liquidity and ability to invest for future goals must be carefully weighed.

Diversification Risks: Adding another property could lead to overexposure in real estate, especially given the current loan on your first property. Real estate often has higher transaction costs, lower liquidity, and unpredictable growth, which could limit flexibility in achieving financial goals.

Alternative Growth Options: Rather than real estate, consider diversified and high-growth options like equity mutual funds, which offer flexibility, liquidity, and potentially better returns over time. Actively managed funds can often yield higher growth and provide more adaptability.

Optimising Your Investment Portfolio
To strengthen your portfolio further, consider the following strategies:

Fixed Income Rebalancing: Your FD, PPF, and SCSS holdings together make up a significant portion of your portfolio. While they offer safety, gradually diversifying some of this capital toward equity funds could help you achieve better growth, especially given your long-term horizon.

Enhancing Mutual Fund Portfolio: Assess your mutual funds and choose actively managed funds suited to your risk profile and goals. Actively managed funds can bring diversification and growth potential. A Certified Financial Planner can help identify funds that align with your needs and provide a more balanced and efficient growth trajectory.

Stock Portfolio Re-evaluation: Your Rs 12 lakh stock portfolio could benefit from review. A diversified equity fund may provide professional management and steady growth with potentially less risk. With guidance from an experienced Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), you can optimise this for long-term gains.

NPS Portfolio Review: Since NPS is a key component of your retirement, periodically review its asset allocation. Choosing a higher equity allocation within NPS (based on your risk tolerance) may enhance your retirement corpus. The NPS portfolio should be reviewed every few years as it offers flexibility in adjusting the equity-debt ratio.

Protection and Security for Family
Protecting your family’s future is equally important as wealth-building:

Insurance Cover: Given your dependents, ensure adequate term life insurance coverage to secure your family’s financial future in your absence. Health insurance for each family member, with top-up options, is equally essential to prevent any medical expenses from disrupting your savings.

Emergency Fund: While your FD and other liquid assets offer some emergency cover, an exclusive emergency fund with three to six months of expenses is essential. This fund should be easily accessible in case of unexpected needs and help maintain other long-term investments.

Evaluating Monthly Investment Strategy
Here are some key insights into your current investment strategy:

Monthly SIPs and Growth Potential: Investing Rs 50,000 monthly across multiple avenues is commendable. To maximise returns, focus more on equity-oriented funds, balancing them with moderate debt funds. This diversification can provide a balanced risk-return profile, especially for long-term wealth creation.

Avoiding Direct Funds and Index Funds: Opting for regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner provides expert guidance, tailored fund recommendations, and timely portfolio adjustments. Unlike index funds, which passively track markets, actively managed funds aim to outperform through professional expertise. These funds offer superior growth potential and responsiveness to market changes.

Long-Term Commitment: Consistency in monthly investments is crucial to building a strong corpus. A disciplined SIP approach, with an annual increment to account for inflation and rising expenses, will help you achieve your financial goals smoothly.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
Efficient tax planning can maximise your take-home returns:

Equity Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Keep track of your equity investments to plan for optimal redemption strategies and minimise tax outflows.

Debt Mutual Fund Taxation: Debt fund gains are taxed based on your income slab. While they provide stability, consider tax-efficient equity options for better growth with tax benefits.

PPF and NPS Benefits: PPF offers tax-free returns, making it a reliable tool for tax-saving. NPS provides tax benefits on investments and returns but be mindful of withdrawal taxes at retirement. Efficiently managing NPS withdrawals can help reduce the tax burden and boost retirement income.

Final Insights
Current Path Evaluation: You are on a well-planned path, with a diverse portfolio and regular investments. However, some adjustments to your portfolio and a second property’s impact must be evaluated carefully.

Maximising Growth Potential: A shift towards more equity-based mutual funds through active management can boost growth. This would balance your portfolio for optimal returns and support your financial goals.

Property Purchase Considerations: While real estate has its appeal, focus on diversification and liquidity. Property investments are often less flexible in liquidity and returns. Evaluate if you need more real estate in the mix or if diversifying in other growth options better supports your goals.

Sustaining Investments: Maintain your Rs 50,000 monthly investment rate and aim to increase it over time. An annual increment aligned with your income growth can accelerate your financial growth.

Your financial journey shows dedication and a balanced approach. A few small adjustments, focusing more on high-growth funds and less on additional real estate, can streamline your path to financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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