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Worried 46-Year-Old Investor: Should I Switch From SBI Energy Opportunities?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7829 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Hai, I am 46 yr old. I have been investing in SBI Energy Opportunities Fund regular growth plans since 1 year through SIP. The performance of this fund is not as expected compared to other funds. Should I continue my investment or lokk out for other better options. If so, please suggest some good investment options

Ans: Sector-specific mutual funds like the energy-focused fund you are investing in carry higher risks. They are more volatile compared to diversified mutual funds. This volatility happens because they depend heavily on the performance of a particular sector.

You are rightly evaluating your investment as it has underperformed. Let us analyse and suggest alternative approaches for better returns.

Challenges with Sector-Specific Mutual Funds
High Dependency on a Single Sector: Sector-specific funds rely on one sector. If the sector struggles, your returns may decline.

Volatility: These funds are highly cyclical and sensitive to market conditions.

Not Ideal for SIPs: Systematic investments in sector-specific funds may not yield consistent returns. This is because the sector may not perform well during the investment period.

Benefits of Diversified Mutual Funds Over Sector-Specific Funds
Risk Mitigation: Diversified mutual funds invest across various sectors. This lowers the overall risk.

Consistent Performance: They tend to perform steadily across market cycles, offering balanced returns.

Flexibility: These funds adjust their portfolio allocation to changing market conditions.

What Should You Do with Your Current SIP?
Review Your Financial Goals
Decide whether the energy sector aligns with your long-term goals.

Monitor Fund Performance
Assess the fund's returns against its benchmark and peers over a 3-5 year horizon.

Gradual Exit Strategy
Avoid stopping SIP abruptly. Gradually reduce your exposure while reallocating to other funds.

Alternative Investment Options for Better Results
Actively Managed Equity Funds
These funds provide professional management to adapt to market changes.
They offer growth by investing in multiple sectors and market capitalisations.
Balanced Hybrid Funds
These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt.
They offer growth potential while ensuring stability in returns.
Flexicap Funds
These funds invest in large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
They give you a balance of risk and reward over time.
Why Regular Funds and Not Direct Funds?
Certified Guidance: Regular funds provide access to expert guidance from a certified financial planner (CFP).
Monitoring: A CFP tracks your investments and adjusts your portfolio.
Tax Efficiency: Regular funds help optimise tax liability through planned withdrawals.
Direct funds require you to manage all these aspects alone, increasing complexity and potential errors.

Taxation Considerations for Switching Funds
Equity Funds: Gains exceeding Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5% for long-term capital gains (LTCG). Short-term gains (less than 1 year) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan your fund switches carefully to minimise tax impact.

Final Insights
Sector-specific funds, while appealing, may not align with your financial goals due to high risks and volatility. Moving to diversified or balanced mutual funds can ensure consistent growth with reduced risks. Opting for regular funds under a certified financial planner ensures professional guidance and effective portfolio management.

Invest wisely to secure stable and rewarding financial growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7829 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Money
I am 63years old and last month I have invested in SIP for 10 yrs Axissmall cap fund regular plan growth Rs3000 HDFC top 100fund --do-Rs3000 UTI nifty 50index fund growth Rs5000 ICICI prudential value discovery fund growth Rs5000 Sbi contra fund regular plan growth Rs3000 UTI transport and logistics sector growth fund I am a retired having sufficient corpus for old age. The above investment is for my grand children. Can you advise me whether my investment is correct and will you suggest better funds
Ans: I'd be happy to offer some insights and recommendations for your current investment strategy. Investing for your grandchildren is a wonderful gesture and can provide them with a significant financial head start in life. Let's break down your current investments and explore some alternatives that might better suit your goals.

Understanding Your Current Investments
You've chosen a variety of mutual funds, each with distinct characteristics. Here's a brief overview:

Axis Small Cap Fund: Small cap funds invest in companies with smaller market capitalization. These can offer high returns but come with higher risk due to volatility.

HDFC Top 100 Fund: This is a large-cap fund, focusing on stable, well-established companies with a track record of growth and reliability.

UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Index funds track a specific index, like the Nifty 50. They offer broad market exposure with lower management fees but lack the potential for higher returns from active management.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Value funds look for undervalued stocks with growth potential. These funds can perform well in different market conditions but may also carry higher risk.

SBI Contra Fund: Contra funds invest in out-of-favor stocks. These can provide high returns when the market corrects itself, but timing and selection are crucial.

UTI Transport and Logistics Fund: Sectoral funds like this one focus on specific sectors, offering higher returns when the sector performs well but also higher risk due to lack of diversification.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
Your investment portfolio showcases a mix of different types of funds, which is generally good for diversification. However, let's delve into some considerations:

Risk Assessment
Small Cap Funds: These funds can be highly volatile. While they offer high returns, the risk might be considerable, especially considering the investment is for your grandchildren and potentially for the long-term. Evaluating whether you need this high level of risk is crucial.

Sectoral Funds: Investing heavily in a single sector can lead to higher returns if the sector performs well. However, this comes with the downside of being overly exposed to sector-specific risks. Diversification across sectors might mitigate this risk.

Active vs. Passive Management
Index Funds: While they provide broad market exposure, index funds lack the potential for outperformance that actively managed funds might offer. The Nifty 50 Index Fund, for example, will mirror the market, which might be less desirable if you're aiming for higher returns over the long term.

Actively Managed Funds: These funds, like HDFC Top 100 and ICICI Prudential Value Discovery, aim to outperform the market through strategic stock selection. The expertise of fund managers can potentially lead to higher returns, justifying their higher management fees compared to index funds.

Potential Improvements and Suggestions
Given your investment goals for your grandchildren, let’s look at some potential adjustments:

Diversification
While your portfolio is diversified, you might want to consider reducing exposure to high-risk and sector-specific funds. Instead, opt for more balanced and multi-cap funds which offer diversification across market caps and sectors.

Balanced Fund Choices
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically adjust between equity and debt based on market conditions. This provides a balanced approach, managing risk while aiming for reasonable returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. They offer the potential for higher returns with a balanced risk profile compared to investing solely in small caps or sectoral funds.

Long-Term Growth with Stability
Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds have the flexibility to invest across various market capitalizations, offering growth potential while maintaining a diversified portfolio.

Focused Funds: Investing in a limited number of high-conviction stocks, these funds can provide significant returns. The risk is higher due to the concentrated portfolio, but the potential rewards might align with your long-term goals.

Reviewing Your Specific Choices
Axis Small Cap Fund
This fund can offer significant growth, but it comes with higher risk. You might consider reducing exposure to this fund and reallocating to more stable options.

HDFC Top 100 Fund
A solid choice for stability and consistent returns. Large-cap funds like this can anchor your portfolio, offering lower risk and steady growth.

UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund
While index funds are cost-effective, actively managed funds might better serve your goal of maximizing returns for your grandchildren. Consider reallocating to an actively managed fund with a good track record.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund
Value funds are great for long-term growth. This fund is a good choice, as it can perform well in various market conditions.

SBI Contra Fund
Contra funds can offer high returns but require good timing. If you're comfortable with the risk, it can stay in your portfolio. Otherwise, consider switching to a more diversified option.

UTI Transport and Logistics Fund
Sectoral funds are risky due to lack of diversification. Consider reallocating to a more broadly diversified fund to mitigate sector-specific risks.

Implementing Changes
Reduce High-Risk Investments: Consider reducing your allocation in small-cap and sectoral funds. Instead, invest in balanced advantage or multi-cap funds for a more stable growth trajectory.

Increase Stability: Boost your investment in large-cap and diversified equity funds. These provide more stability and consistent returns.

Consider Actively Managed Funds: Given your long-term horizon and the goal of maximizing returns, actively managed funds could be a better fit than index funds.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Periodically review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust based on market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Power of Compounding
Investing for your grandchildren allows you to harness the power of compounding. The longer the investment horizon, the greater the potential for exponential growth. Ensure that your portfolio includes funds that can compound effectively over the long term.

Tax Efficiency
While planning investments, consider the tax implications. Long-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at a lower rate compared to short-term gains. Structuring your investments to minimize tax liabilities can enhance net returns.

Final Insights
Your current investments show a thoughtful mix of different types of mutual funds. However, balancing risk and reward, especially for long-term goals like investing for grandchildren, is crucial. By reducing exposure to high-risk and sector-specific funds, and increasing stability through balanced and diversified funds, you can create a robust portfolio. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your investments with a Certified Financial Planner ensures alignment with your financial goals and market conditions.

Investing wisely today sets the foundation for a secure and prosperous future for your grandchildren.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7829 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Hello I am investing ?500/month in SBI PSU direct plan and nippon India multi cap fund. Should I continue with these investments? In addition to the above I am planning to invest ?2000 in few more SIPs. Pls suggest new SIPs My horizon is 5 years. Thanks TPG
Ans: You are currently investing Rs 500/month in SBI PSU Direct Plan and Nippon India Multi Cap Fund. Let us evaluate their suitability:

SBI PSU Direct Plan
This fund primarily invests in public sector undertakings (PSUs).
PSU sector funds are highly sector-specific, making them risky for a small, regular SIP.
Returns depend heavily on government policies and economic conditions.
Nippon India Multi Cap Fund
Multi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks.
They offer diversification and balanced risk compared to sector-specific funds.
This fund is suitable for your 5-year investment horizon.
Recommendation:
Continue investing in Nippon India Multi Cap Fund for diversification and growth potential.
Consider switching from SBI PSU Direct Plan to a more diversified and growth-oriented equity mutual fund.
Factors to Consider for New SIPs
Before selecting new SIPs, assess the following:

1. Investment Horizon
Your 5-year horizon is relatively short for pure equity investments.
Consider hybrid or balanced funds for lower risk and consistent returns.
2. Risk Tolerance
If you can tolerate moderate risk, opt for multi-cap or large-cap funds.
Avoid small-cap or sector-specific funds for short-term goals.
3. Return Expectations
Equity funds can provide higher returns over 5 years but may face market volatility.
Balanced advantage funds or hybrid funds offer stable returns with lower risk.
4. Tax Efficiency
Equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh.
Balanced advantage funds are more tax-efficient than debt funds for 5 years.
Recommended SIP Categories
1. Multi-Cap or Flexi-Cap Funds
These funds invest across all market capitalisations.
They balance risk and returns, making them ideal for medium-term goals.
Include one such fund in your portfolio for diversification.
2. Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established, stable companies.
They are less volatile and suitable for a 5-year horizon.
3. Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically allocate assets between equity and debt.
They provide stability and consistent returns for medium-term goals.
4. Aggressive Hybrid Funds
These funds invest primarily in equity with a smaller allocation to debt.
They offer better returns than pure debt funds with moderate risk.
Suggested Allocation for New SIPs
Monthly SIP Amount: Rs 2,000
Multi-Cap Fund: Rs 1,000/month.
Balanced Advantage Fund: Rs 500/month.
Large-Cap Fund: Rs 500/month.
This allocation ensures a mix of growth and stability. It is also tax-efficient and aligned with your investment horizon.

Tax Considerations
Equity Mutual Funds
Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5% LTCG.
Avoid frequent withdrawals to minimise tax liability.
Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds are more tax-efficient than pure debt funds.
Their dynamic allocation reduces risk and improves post-tax returns.
Key Recommendations
Switch from SBI PSU Fund: PSU funds are sector-specific and not ideal for short-term goals.
Continue Nippon Multi-Cap Fund: This fund aligns with your horizon and provides diversification.
Add New SIPs: Invest in multi-cap, balanced advantage, and large-cap funds.
Review Regularly: Review your portfolio every 6 months with a Certified Financial Planner.
Avoid Sector-Specific Funds: These funds are too risky for a 5-year horizon.
Final Insights
Your disciplined SIP investments are a great start. By diversifying further with multi-cap and balanced advantage funds, you can optimise your portfolio for stability and growth. Ensure regular reviews and stick to your investment horizon for the best results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7829 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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