Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Late Bloomer Seeking MF Wisdom: Diversify or Stick to the Tried-and-True?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
Money

Dear rediff gurus! I started my SIP in MF quite late almost when I reached my 40 years of age, with a sum of Rs. 10000 per month, since 2017. I slowly stepped up my SIP every one to two years and at present my SIP is about Rs. 50000 per month, which is spread across different category of Large cap 9000, Large & mid cap 5000, Mid cap 12000, small caps 9500, multi-cap 7500, flexi cap 5000 and focused fund 2500. My present fund value after investing 20 lakhs is about Rs. 43 Lakhs. I have a horizon to stay invested for another 12 to 14 years with an aim to create a corpus of about Rs. 3.00 Crores from MF. Off late I have learnt about some new category of MFs like value fund, contra fund, thematic fund, sectoral funds, etc. which also looks to have given good returns in the medium to long run. My question is, should I stay invested in the all the above sectors in which I have invested so far or discontinue my SIP in some (without redeeming the fund) and open in some new sectors of MFs. Thanks in advance.

Ans: Your disciplined SIP investments demonstrate a strong commitment to financial growth. Starting with Rs. 10,000 and progressively increasing to Rs. 50,000 per month is commendable. Your portfolio growth from Rs. 20 lakhs to Rs. 43 lakhs over 7 years highlights the power of systematic investments and compounding.

Let us evaluate your portfolio in detail and address your queries comprehensively.

Current Portfolio Breakdown
Large Cap (Rs. 9,000 SIP)
Large-cap funds provide stability and predictable returns.
They invest in established companies with lower risk but modest growth potential.
Retaining this category is essential for balance and downside protection.
Large & Mid-Cap (Rs. 5,000 SIP)
These funds combine stability from large caps and growth potential from mid-caps.
This hybrid approach offers moderate risk with superior diversification.
Continue with this allocation as it complements your long-term goals.
Mid-Cap (Rs. 12,000 SIP)
Mid-cap funds deliver high growth potential with increased volatility.
This allocation is aggressive and well-suited for your long-term horizon.
Retain this category, as it can generate significant wealth over time.
Small Cap (Rs. 9,500 SIP)
Small-cap funds are high-risk but high-reward investments.
Their returns can outperform other categories during bullish markets.
Retain this allocation but monitor performance annually, as volatility is higher.
Multi-Cap (Rs. 7,500 SIP)
Multi-cap funds offer flexibility to invest across market capitalisations.
This adaptability enhances returns while managing risks.
Retain this allocation for continued diversification.
Flexi-Cap (Rs. 5,000 SIP)
Flexi-cap funds are similar to multi-caps but provide greater autonomy in allocation.
They adapt to market conditions effectively, making them ideal for long-term goals.
Continue with this category for portfolio balance.
Focused Fund (Rs. 2,500 SIP)
Focused funds invest in a limited number of high-potential stocks.
They carry higher risk but offer significant growth opportunities.
Retain this small allocation, as it adds concentration and targeted growth.
Evaluation of New Categories
Value Funds
Value funds invest in undervalued stocks with potential for long-term appreciation.
These funds are ideal for patient investors with a contrarian approach.
Contra Funds
Contra funds focus on stocks or sectors that are temporarily underperforming.
They rely on market cycles and require a long-term horizon for results.
Thematic Funds
Thematic funds invest in specific trends or themes, like technology or green energy.
Their performance is sector-dependent and can be highly volatile.
Sectoral Funds
Sectoral funds focus on one specific sector, such as banking or healthcare.
These funds are highly concentrated and carry significant risk.
Should You Diversify Into New Categories?
Stay Focused on Core Categories:
Your current allocation across diverse categories is already comprehensive.

Avoid Overlapping Funds:
Adding new categories like value or contra funds may lead to redundancy.

Thematic and Sectoral Funds:
These funds are high-risk and should not exceed 10% of your total portfolio.

Risk-Reward Consideration:
Existing funds like multi-cap and flexi-cap provide enough diversification.

Monitoring is Crucial:
Avoid too many fund categories, which can complicate portfolio tracking.

Recommendations for Your Goal
Stick to Your Current Plan
Your portfolio is well-diversified across market caps and investment styles.
Stay invested in your existing SIPs to achieve your Rs. 3 crore goal.
Increase SIPs Periodically
Continue stepping up SIP amounts as your income grows.
This ensures consistent progress toward your financial goals.
Avoid Discontinuing SIPs
Stopping SIPs in current funds may disrupt the power of compounding.
Focus on maintaining consistency for long-term growth.
Keep Debt Allocation in Mind
Consider adding debt mutual funds or fixed-income instruments closer to your goal.
This protects your corpus from market volatility during withdrawal phases.
Monitor Fund Performance Annually
Replace underperforming funds if they consistently lag for 3–4 years.
Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for better decision-making.
Taxation Considerations
Equity Fund Taxation:
Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.

Thematic and Sectoral Fund Risks:
These funds may require frequent rebalancing, increasing tax liabilities.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-structured and aligned with your financial goals. Adding new categories like value, contra, or sectoral funds is unnecessary at this stage. Focus on sticking to your SIPs, increasing investments, and monitoring performance. Consistency and discipline will help you achieve your Rs. 3 crore target within the desired time frame.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Asked on - Jan 02, 2025 | Answered on Jan 02, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much Sir, for your deep analysis of my investments.
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Money
I do have SIP going on below MFs from 2000 rs to 10000 rs in each MF. My monthly investment is 1 lakh. Most of them are from 2015 and a few of them were added in 2022. My age is 40 and my goal is to create wealth of 10cr in the next 10 years. I believe in aggressive growth. Should I continue investing in below MFs or need to replace them with different MFs? Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund - Growth Aditya Birla Sun Life MNC Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Aditya Birla Sun Life Multi-Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Axis Focused 25 Fund - Regular Plan - Growth DSP Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Franklin India Smaller Companies Fund - Growth HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund - Growth ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund - Growth L&T India Value Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Samco Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund - Growth ICICI Prudential NASDAQ 100 Index Fund Direct Growth Edelweiss Balanced Advantage Fund - Growth Kotak Small Cap Fund - Growth DSP Quant Fund - Direct - Growth
Ans: Creating Wealth with Aggressive Mutual Fund Investments
your commitment to building a substantial corpus for the future is commendable. Let’s assess your current mutual fund portfolio and explore ways to achieve your goal of Rs. 10 crore in the next 10 years.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Current Mutual Fund Investments
Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund - Growth
Aditya Birla Sun Life MNC Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
Aditya Birla Sun Life Multi-Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
Axis Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
Axis Focused 25 Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
DSP Small Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
Franklin India Smaller Companies Fund - Growth
HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund - Growth
ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund - Growth
L&T India Value Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
Samco Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth
ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund - Growth
ICICI Prudential NASDAQ 100 Index Fund Direct Growth
Edelweiss Balanced Advantage Fund - Growth
Kotak Small Cap Fund - Growth
DSP Quant Fund - Direct - Growth
Portfolio Analysis
Diversity and Overlap
Your portfolio consists of a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, multi-cap, and value funds. While this diversity can reduce risk, there may be significant overlap in holdings, especially in large-cap funds.

Performance Evaluation
Evaluate the performance of each fund over different time periods. Check if they consistently outperform their benchmarks and peers. This analysis helps identify underperforming funds.

Risk Assessment
Given your aggressive growth strategy, higher allocation to mid-cap and small-cap funds is suitable. However, it's crucial to balance this with some large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Recommended Changes
Reducing Overlap
To reduce overlap, consider consolidating similar fund types. For example, choose one or two large-cap funds instead of multiple. This approach streamlines your portfolio.

Focus on Consistent Performers
Retain funds with a strong track record of consistent performance. Replace underperforming funds with those having better potential. This strategy enhances overall portfolio performance.

Suggested Mutual Funds
Large Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies. They offer stability and moderate growth.

Mid Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds target companies with high growth potential. They balance risk and reward effectively.

Small Cap Funds
Small-cap funds invest in emerging companies. They offer high growth potential but come with higher risk.

Multi Cap Funds
Multi-cap funds diversify across market capitalizations. They offer balanced risk and reward.

Value Funds
Value funds invest in undervalued companies. They provide growth potential through capital appreciation.

Investment Strategy
Monthly Investment Plan
With a monthly investment of Rs. 1 lakh, allocate funds as follows:

Large Cap Funds: Rs. 30,000
Mid Cap Funds: Rs. 30,000
Small Cap Funds: Rs. 20,000
Multi Cap Funds: Rs. 10,000
Value Funds: Rs. 10,000
Annual Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio annually. Rebalance to maintain the desired allocation. This approach ensures alignment with your goals and market conditions.

Risks and Benefits of Direct Investing
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower expense ratios. However, they require active management. Without expert guidance, you may miss market opportunities or take on unnecessary risks.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner offers several benefits. They provide professional management, regular monitoring, and timely adjustments to your portfolio. This approach can lead to better long-term performance.

Conclusion
your dedication to achieving your financial goals is impressive. By optimizing your mutual fund portfolio and investing consistently, you can build significant wealth. Ensure you review and rebalance your investments regularly to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Rediff guru. I am 51 years and new to the field of MF investment with not high knowledge about SIP investment in MF. I started my SIP in MF about 3 years ago and, based on the advice of the fund advisor, I am currently investing through SIP a monthly amount of Rs. 20000 in Kotak Blue chip fund – 5000, Tata Large & Mid Cap – 4000, Invesco India Multi Cap – 4000, PGIM India Mid cap – 4000 and AXIS Small cap – 3000. Now some of my close friends / relative are advising me to review my SIP in these funds as some of them are not giving good returns. They are also advising me to switch over to some other MF without redeeming the present fund. I am quite confused as the funds wherein I started investing was doing decent at that point of time. I am confused whether I should stick to the current MF with the SIP amount as given above or I should go for some other funds. Please advise. My investment horizon is may be another 8 to 10 years.
Ans: Your mutual fund portfolio has a mix of large-cap, large- and mid-cap, multi-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This diversification strategy is a good approach, especially for a beginner. Your monthly SIP of Rs. 20,000 is distributed effectively across different categories, aligning with long-term investment principles. However, periodic reviews are essential to ensure optimal performance and alignment with your goals.

Here’s a detailed analysis and guidance:

Assessment of Current SIP Investments
Kotak Bluechip Fund (Rs. 5,000):

Large-cap funds provide stability and are less volatile.

Retain this fund if its performance is consistent with its benchmark and category peers.

Tata Large & Mid Cap Fund (Rs. 4,000):

These funds combine stability and growth by investing in large- and mid-cap stocks.

Review its performance and continue if it is competitive within its category.

Invesco India Multi Cap Fund (Rs. 4,000):

Multi-cap funds provide diversification across market caps.

If its returns are below average for its category, consider switching to a better-performing fund.

PGIM India Mid Cap Fund (Rs. 4,000):

Mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential but can be volatile.

Retain this fund if your risk tolerance supports it and its performance is consistent.

Axis Small Cap Fund (Rs. 3,000):

Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward investments and perform well over long horizons.

Continue investing if your risk appetite aligns and its returns remain satisfactory.

Steps to Streamline Your Portfolio
Avoid Duplication:

Review overlapping funds in similar categories like large-cap and large- and mid-cap funds.

Consolidate investments in one or two strong performers within a category.

Minimise Small-Cap Exposure:

Limit small-cap investments to 10-15% of your portfolio.

This reduces risk and ensures stability, especially closer to retirement.

Focus on Core Funds:

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability and consistent returns.

These funds form the foundation of a robust portfolio.

Track Fund Performance Regularly:

Assess fund performance against benchmarks and peer funds.

Underperforming funds can be replaced with better options.

Diversify Across Investment Styles:

Your portfolio can include flexi-cap or balanced advantage funds.

These funds adjust their asset allocation dynamically based on market conditions.

Addressing Concerns from Friends and Relatives
While advice from peers is valuable, rely on objective criteria for fund selection.

Performance, risk-adjusted returns, and consistency are more critical than temporary trends.

Avoid switching funds hastily; review long-term performance and investment goals first.

Suggestions for Optimisation
Consider Balanced Funds:

Add hybrid or balanced advantage funds for reduced risk and consistent returns.

These funds offer stability during market downturns.

Evaluate Debt Funds:

Debt funds can complement your portfolio by providing stability and liquidity.

These funds are especially useful for goals with shorter horizons.

Tax Efficiency:

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh on equity mutual funds is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan redemptions and switches carefully to minimise tax liability.

Staying Disciplined and Focused
Stick to your long-term investment horizon of 8–10 years.

Avoid chasing high returns or switching funds frequently based on short-term trends.

Monitor your portfolio annually to ensure alignment with goals.

Final Insights
Your portfolio shows good intent and initial planning. With minor adjustments and disciplined investing, it can achieve your financial goals. Reduce overlapping funds, optimise tax efficiency, and focus on stability as you near retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Listen
Money
I am Lisha a kg teacher. I have debt of 40 lakhs. I have net income 25000. How can I manage to recover from debt? Please reply
Ans: Understanding the Debt Situation

You have a total debt of Rs. 40 lakhs.

Your net income is Rs. 25,000 per month.

Managing this situation requires planning, discipline, and action.

The key focus should be reducing high-interest loans first.

Increasing income is also necessary to speed up debt repayment.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

List all loans with their interest rates and EMI amounts.

Identify which loans have the highest interest rates.

Prioritise paying off the costliest loan first.

If you have multiple high-interest loans, consider debt consolidation.

Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for daily expenses.

Reducing Monthly Interest Burden

Rs. 40 lakh debt with Rs. 25,000 income is a serious imbalance.

Your monthly interest burden alone can be unmanageable.

Speak with lenders and request lower interest rates.

Negotiate for an extended loan tenure to reduce EMI.

Avoid late payments to prevent penalties and additional charges.

Earning More Income

With Rs. 25,000 monthly income, repaying Rs. 40 lakh is tough.

Look for additional income sources, even part-time jobs.

Explore online tutoring, weekend coaching, or freelance work.

If possible, upskill to apply for a higher-paying job.

Can you take extra classes at school for additional earnings?

Find small home-based businesses like craft-making or baking.

Use any skills you have to create an extra income stream.

Cutting Down Expenses

Reduce unnecessary expenses wherever possible.

Limit non-essential spending like dining out, entertainment, and subscriptions.

Look for cheaper alternatives for daily expenses.

Create a strict monthly budget and track every expense.

Save on electricity, fuel, and shopping wherever possible.

Avoid personal luxuries until your financial situation improves.

Seeking Family Support

If possible, take help from family members.

Can they provide an interest-free loan for partial debt payment?

Even a small contribution can reduce your debt burden.

Family members may also help with daily expenses for some time.

Transparent communication with them is important.

Avoiding Traps of Loan Apps & Credit Cards

Avoid borrowing from mobile loan apps due to high interest.

Credit cards should not be used for cash withdrawals.

Paying only the minimum due on a credit card leads to more debt.

If you have credit card debt, clear it first due to high interest.

Stick to formal financial institutions for loans.

Exploring Debt Restructuring Options

If you have a bank loan, check if restructuring is possible.

Some banks allow restructuring in financial hardship cases.

This can reduce EMI or provide a temporary relief period.

Approach your lenders with a genuine repayment plan.

Avoid defaulting, as it can hurt your credit score.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

Do not fall for quick-money schemes or gambling.

Avoid investments that promise unrealistically high returns.

Avoid stock market trading without proper knowledge.

Focus on steady income generation instead of risky bets.

Checking for Any Insurance Policies

If you have LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance, review them.

If surrendering makes sense, reinvest the amount wisely.

Do not stop health insurance, as medical emergencies can worsen finances.

Creating a Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Plan

Pay the minimum due on all loans to avoid penalties.

Focus on repaying the highest-interest loan first.

Negotiate lower interest rates with lenders.

Increase income through side jobs.

Reduce unnecessary expenses to save money.

Explore options like debt consolidation if suitable.

Seek family support where possible.

Avoid new loans unless absolutely necessary.

Finally

Your financial situation is tough but not impossible to fix.

With discipline and effort, debt repayment is possible.

Every small step in saving and earning will help.

Avoid financial mistakes and stay committed to the plan.

With time, your financial situation will improve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x