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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 09, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Need guidance on how to invest lumpsum amount of 10 lakhs in mutual funds for a time period of 20 years.. I am willing to take risk so my preference is small cap and mid cap funds.. Please suggest how should I divided amount among different funds..

Ans: Given your willingness to take on risk and your preference for small and mid-cap funds, consider allocating your lump sum amount strategically across a diversified portfolio of mutual funds. Here's a suggested allocation:

Small Cap Funds: Allocate around 40% of your investment to small-cap funds for potential high growth. Choose reputed funds with a consistent track record of performance and prudent management.

Mid Cap Funds: Allocate another 40% to mid-cap funds to capitalize on the growth potential of mid-sized companies. Look for funds with a strong research process and experienced fund managers.

Large Cap Funds: Allocate the remaining 20% to large-cap funds for stability and to balance the risk in your portfolio. Large-cap funds provide exposure to established companies with stable performance.

Remember to diversify within each category by investing in multiple funds to spread risk. Regularly review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay aligned with your long-term goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a financial advisor for personalized advice tailored to your individual circumstances.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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Hi .I want to invest in mutual funds lumpsum investment . i have an amount of 1 lakh ..i want to have it for 5 years ..Please let me know should i distribute it in multiple funds or do it in one directly ..Please suggest name of funds
Ans: First, it is essential to appreciate your decision to invest Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds. Investing in mutual funds can be an effective way to grow your wealth over time. You plan to invest this amount for five years, which indicates a medium-term investment horizon. This period is enough to see meaningful growth, provided you choose the right investment strategy.

The Benefits of Diversification
Investing in multiple mutual funds can offer diversification, which spreads your risk across different asset classes, sectors, and companies. This reduces the impact of any single underperforming asset on your overall portfolio.

However, diversification doesn't mean spreading your investments too thin. Investing in too many funds can lead to over-diversification. This can dilute the potential returns and make it harder to manage your portfolio. A balanced approach is to choose 2-3 funds that complement each other in terms of asset allocation and investment strategy.

Evaluating Fund Types
Equity Funds: These are suitable if you are looking for higher returns and are willing to accept market volatility. They are more likely to generate higher returns over five years.

Debt Funds: These are less volatile and offer more stable returns. They are ideal if you have a lower risk tolerance.

Hybrid Funds: These invest in a mix of equity and debt. They offer a balance between risk and return, making them suitable for medium-term goals.

Since you have a five-year horizon, a mix of equity and hybrid funds could be a good strategy. This approach balances growth potential and risk management.

Active vs. Passive Management
You might wonder whether to choose actively managed funds or index funds (passively managed). Actively managed funds have a fund manager who makes investment decisions to outperform the market. In contrast, index funds simply replicate a market index.

While index funds may have lower expense ratios, they often do not outperform actively managed funds in the medium to long term. Actively managed funds, despite higher fees, can potentially offer better returns because they are managed by professionals who actively seek the best investment opportunities.

The Role of Regular Funds and Certified Financial Planners
It’s important to consider the benefits of investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can offer you personalized advice and help you choose the right funds that align with your goals. Regular funds, purchased through a financial planner, might have a slightly higher expense ratio, but they come with the added benefit of professional guidance, which can lead to better long-term outcomes.

Direct funds may seem attractive due to their lower costs, but they require you to manage your investments without professional help. For many investors, the potential drawbacks of not having expert advice outweigh the cost savings.

Aligning Investments with Financial Goals
It’s essential to ensure that your investment aligns with your overall financial goals. For example:

Education Fund: If you plan to use this money for your child’s education, equity or hybrid funds might be suitable, depending on your risk tolerance.

Home Purchase: If this investment is for a down payment on a home, you might prefer a more conservative approach with a mix of debt and hybrid funds.

Clearly define your goal for this investment. This clarity will help in selecting the appropriate mutual funds and determining the right asset allocation.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Once you invest, it is not a "set it and forget it" strategy. Regular monitoring and periodic rebalancing of your portfolio are crucial. Markets change, and your portfolio might drift from its original allocation. Rebalancing helps in aligning your investments with your original risk tolerance and financial goals.

Final Insights
To sum up:

Diversify your Rs 1 lakh across 2-3 funds to reduce risk while maximizing potential returns.

Consider a mix of equity and hybrid funds for a five-year investment horizon.

Actively managed funds, despite higher costs, can offer better returns than index funds in the medium term.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with personalized advice and better long-term outcomes.

Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals.

By following these steps, you can optimize your mutual fund investment to achieve your financial goals over the next five years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

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I want invest lumpsum 5lakhs in long term 20yrs mutual fund..can anyone pls advice n suggest good mutual funds for long term.. Quant small cap fund is in my mind
Ans: Investing a lump sum of Rs. 5 lakhs with a long-term horizon of 20 years can be a powerful strategy to build wealth. However, selecting the right mutual fund is crucial to achieving your financial goals. While the Quant Small Cap Fund might seem appealing due to its potential for high returns, it's important to evaluate your investment choice carefully, considering the risks and rewards.

Considerations for Long-Term Investment
Risk Tolerance: Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward investments. They have the potential for significant returns but also come with higher volatility. Over 20 years, this could lead to substantial growth, but you must be comfortable with potential fluctuations.

Diversification: Instead of putting all your money into a small-cap fund, consider diversifying across different types of equity funds. This reduces risk and ensures a more balanced portfolio.

Fund Performance: Look at the historical performance of the fund over different market cycles. While past performance doesn't guarantee future returns, it gives an idea of how the fund has managed different market conditions.

Fund Manager’s Expertise: The expertise of the fund manager plays a significant role in the fund’s performance. Consider the track record of the fund manager in managing small-cap funds or other equity funds.

Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios help in maximizing your returns over the long term. Ensure that the fund you choose has a competitive expense ratio.

Suggested Mutual Funds for Long-Term Investment
Given your 20-year horizon, it's wise to consider a mix of funds that can offer growth potential while managing risk. Here are a few categories and examples of funds you might consider:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in companies with a large market capitalization, offering stability and steady growth.

Recommended Fund Type: Large-cap equity funds.
Benefit: Lower risk compared to small-cap funds with consistent returns.
Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, offering a diversified approach.

Recommended Fund Type: Multi-cap or Flexi-cap funds.
Benefit: Balanced risk with exposure to various segments of the market.
Small-Cap Funds: If you are comfortable with high risk and volatility, small-cap funds can be considered for a portion of your investment.

Recommended Fund Type: Small-cap equity funds.
Benefit: High growth potential, suitable for a small portion of your portfolio.
Mid-Cap Funds: These funds invest in medium-sized companies that have the potential for significant growth, offering a balance between risk and return.

Recommended Fund Type: Mid-cap equity funds.
Benefit: Higher growth potential than large-caps, with less volatility than small-caps.
Why Consider Diversification?
While the Quant Small Cap Fund might offer high returns, it also comes with higher risk. Diversifying your investment across different fund categories can help balance this risk. For example:

Large-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 2 lakhs.
Flexi-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 2 lakhs.
Small-Cap Fund: Invest Rs. 1 lakh.
This strategy ensures that your portfolio can withstand market fluctuations while still participating in the growth potential of small-cap stocks.

Final Thoughts
Investing for 20 years provides you with the opportunity to benefit from compounding, but it’s essential to make well-informed decisions. Diversification, understanding your risk tolerance, and selecting funds with a proven track record are key to achieving your long-term financial goals. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) could also help in personalizing your investment strategy to align with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

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Hello... Sir... This is Ravi kumar. I have 1lac rupees. I want to invest lump sum in mutual funds for 10 years.So please tell me best fund and how to invest lump sum. Alredy am doing 5k doing SIP in sevaral funds. So please give me suggestion
Ans: It's great that you are already disciplined with SIP investments of Rs 5,000 monthly. Now, investing Rs 1 lakh lump sum for 10 years can be a rewarding decision when done wisely. Let’s discuss how to approach this systematically.

Assess Your Risk Profile
Understand your risk-taking capacity and willingness.
If you are young, you can consider high-risk options for better returns.
If you have moderate risk tolerance, balance equity and debt mutual funds.
Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer diversification, reducing risks.
They are professionally managed by experts.
With long-term investments, compounding helps grow your wealth.
Investments are transparent, with detailed portfolio updates.
Best Practices for Lump Sum Investment
Consider Market Conditions

Avoid investing lump sum when markets are at a peak.
Use a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) to reduce market timing risks.
Diversify Your Investment

Allocate funds between equity and debt based on your goals.
Avoid concentrating too much in a single sector or category.
Select Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds outperform in dynamic market conditions.
Fund managers can rebalance portfolios for better returns.
Why Avoid Index Funds?
Index funds lack active management and can’t beat the market.
They mirror the market index and offer limited flexibility.
Actively managed funds are better for long-term wealth creation.
Regular Plans Over Direct Plans
Regular plans include professional advice and monitoring.
Certified Financial Planners help you align investments with goals.
Direct plans might seem cheaper but lack essential guidance.
Tax Implications to Consider
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
Plan withdrawals wisely to optimise tax savings.
Steps to Start Your Lump Sum Investment
Define Clear Goals

Specify what you aim to achieve in 10 years.
Include education, retirement, or wealth-building goals.
Choose Suitable Funds

For higher returns, go for equity-oriented funds.
Include hybrid or debt funds for stability and lower risk.
Open an Account with an Advisor

Choose a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice.
They ensure you stay on track with financial goals.
Monitor Regularly

Track fund performance at least yearly.
Rebalance your portfolio if necessary.
Insights on Current SIP Investments
Your current SIP habit is excellent for disciplined investing.
Review if your SIP funds align with your risk and goals.
Avoid over-diversification to keep the portfolio focused.
Final Insights
Investing Rs 1 lakh lump sum in mutual funds requires careful planning. Start by assessing your financial goals and risk capacity. Actively managed mutual funds, backed by a Certified Financial Planner, provide significant advantages. Focus on a diversified strategy with periodic reviews to ensure steady growth. Your long-term approach and consistency will yield excellent rewards.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Hello, I went to kota in class 11 in 2019 I was a below average student there but as soon as my class 12 session was to be started I already started studying the syllabus and was determined that I will crack neet in my first attempt any how but suddenly Covid came and I went back to home ,online classes started but after two months suddenly my mental health started deteriorating and eventually I was rushed to various doctors and finally to a psychiatrist , after a few months of constant visits etc I got diagnosed with schizophrenia ,my medications started heavily impacting my sleep,apettite,emotions etc. my studies got completely stopped slowly slowly till neet 2021 I was in that situation that I can just only sit in exam with no preparation at all I scored very very less again next year as I was not much well I got very less in neet 2022 same story in neet 2023 too then for neet 2024 I started studying a little bit due to not studying properly since two three years I was not studying properly I just watched yt videoes on how to study that ,how to do this and that regarding studies I mean I only accumulated knowledge but didn't took actions which ruined my neet 2024 result too .now my parents enrolled me in a regular central government college in bsc zoology hons. Inside me too for some time I accepted it and tried to move on but unable to do that bcoz I wanted to be a doctor since childhood and also have keen interest in medical study it's almost time for neet 2025 but I am unprepared due to not arriving at a firm decision but now I am almost healthy and decided to prepare for neet 2026 will it be worth the decision? I want to try atleast once with my full potential and dedication rest results will be in god's hands Or should I not prepare and focus on anything else?
Ans: Dear Harsh,
Any competitive entrance exam requires focus, discipline and a lot of hard work. Unfortunately due to your circumstances, this hasn't been possible.
Your parents possibly don't want you to go through the disappointment all over again and feel that a regular degree will get your feet back on the ground. Now, whether you must write NEET again or not is a decision you will have to take BUT only if you have a firm plan in hand. You will need to get back all your focus and give it your best shot. Now, how important is this exam for you and why you want to take it, is something only you know. You will also need your parents' support in case you decide to go for it after all, so also consult with them. If you are able to inspire yourself, then you know what is to be done.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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I am 48, male, divorced from my wife. I have a 12 year old daughter. I am in love with a colleague in my office who is also married and seeking divorce. We have known each other for 3 years. Her husband recently found about us and has since decided to delay the divorce proceedings. He is not consenting for mutual divorce. While we love and support each other, this new development is now affecting our relationship. Her husband doesn't appreciate us meeting or talking at work or texting each other. He is unecessarily harassing her to make it seem like I am the villain and she should feel guilty about choosing to divorce at the age of 45. I don't see how it is my fault. But I don't want her to go through this pain of dealing with a guy who she doesn't want to live with. Please suggest what I can do to help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do other than just be by her side and simply understand her situation?
Her husband perhaps feels threatened by another male stepping in and hence delaying the divorce or not consenting to it will drag this whole thing...On your part, do not get so emotionally invested that it begins to take a toll on your peace of mind. This situation isn't going to be an easy one and it will just stretch your emotional band very thin; both for you and the lady. So, take it slow and it may help not being in the radar much so that the husband also backs off. It's sadly called - playing games.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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I am 62 years old.I have 1 Crore at present.I have health insurance for 25 Lakhs.I want to draw an amount of 50,000 per month through systematic withdrawal plan form mutual funds.After my life i want to give a huge Corpus to my son from this investments.Please advice me for my retirement planning.
Ans: 1. Understanding Your Financial Needs
You have Rs 1 crore at present.
You want Rs 50,000 per month through a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP).
The objective is to generate enough income to meet your monthly needs and create wealth for your son.
2. Withdrawal Strategy: SWP Setup
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is a smart way to create a monthly income.
You need to ensure that the capital remains growing even while withdrawals happen.
Your goal of Rs 50,000 per month is about Rs 6 lakh per year.
Your Rs 1 crore corpus needs to generate this amount.
A balanced portfolio of equity and debt will help in managing risk while offering growth.
A well-planned SWP structure will ensure that your corpus grows, even with withdrawals.
3. Investment Strategy for Long-Term Stability and Growth
Equity investments are ideal for growth, especially in the first few years.
Debt funds provide stability, reducing volatility in your portfolio.
Mutual funds can be actively managed to meet both income and growth objectives.
Avoid index funds as they lack active management. They follow the market, so they cannot provide higher returns than actively managed funds.
Direct funds, while cheaper, have no expert oversight.
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get expert guidance, which enhances returns.
4. Asset Allocation
A balanced asset allocation helps grow your wealth while ensuring stability.
Start with around 40% equity, 40% debt, and 20% in safer assets like gold.
Equities will generate higher returns over time, while debt will give stability.
Gold helps hedge against inflation and provides diversification.
Over time, gradually reduce equity exposure and increase debt allocation to preserve capital.
5. Managing Risk
Risk management is key in your case, especially with a fixed withdrawal amount.
You don’t want to dip into the principal too soon, so focus on risk-adjusted returns.
A combination of mid-cap, large-cap, and hybrid funds provides both stability and growth potential.
Debt mutual funds with shorter durations help balance the risk and returns.
A portion should be allocated to liquid funds or short-term debt funds for emergencies.
6. Health Insurance and Emergency Planning
You already have Rs 25 lakh health insurance, which is a great start.
With rising medical costs, you may need to consider increasing coverage over time.
Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6 months of expenses in liquid funds.
Ensure that your health insurance is comprehensive and covers critical illnesses.
7. Creating a Legacy for Your Son
You want to leave a substantial corpus for your son.
Your investments should be structured to grow over time, even after your lifetime.
A combination of equity, hybrid funds, and a small percentage in gold can work well.
To ensure the corpus grows, focus on reinvesting dividends and returns.
Also, consider setting up a trust or nominee to ensure your assets are transferred smoothly.
8. Tax Planning for Retirement
Focus on tax-efficient investments.
Long-term capital gains on equity funds are tax-free after a certain holding period.
Debt funds may have a tax advantage if held for more than 3 years.
Take advantage of tax-saving mutual funds if you are eligible for deductions.
Regular review of your tax liabilities helps in keeping your investments tax-efficient.
9. Monitoring and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it’s in line with your retirement goals.
Rebalancing annually will keep your asset allocation on track.
Keep track of your SWP withdrawals and adjust based on market performance.
As you get closer to your desired age, you can reduce equity exposure and increase debt allocation.
10. Avoiding Certain Investment Options
Avoid investing in annuities, as they don’t provide flexibility.
Investment-cum-insurance plans like ULIPs should be reconsidered.
These have high charges and offer lower returns compared to mutual funds.
Insurance should be separate from your investments to achieve higher returns.
Consider surrendering any such policies and reinvesting the amount in mutual funds for better growth.
11. Health and Long-Term Care Planning
Long-term care and medical expenses should be factored in.
After retirement, you may not have a regular income, so insurance will help.
Consider building a portion of your portfolio to cover these needs.
12. Legacy Planning and Nomination
Ensure you have a clear will and nominations for all your assets.
Mutual funds and other investments should have a designated nominee.
This helps transfer assets to your son easily after your lifetime.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to streamline this process.
13. Review Your Plan Regularly
Keep reviewing your financial goals annually.
Adjust your strategy if there are major changes in market conditions or personal goals.
Your retirement portfolio should be flexible to handle changes in market conditions.
Ensure that any new goals or needs are factored into your investment planning.
Final Insights
Your Rs 1 crore is a great base for building a secure retirement.
Balance your portfolio to generate income while keeping the principal intact.
Actively managed funds are the best choice for long-term wealth generation.
Regular monitoring and a disciplined SWP strategy will help meet your goals.
Build a legacy for your son by ensuring that your investments grow even after your lifetime.
Health insurance, tax planning, and estate planning should be integral to your strategy.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Hello Ramalingam sir. Good day. I'm looking to invest 20L for long term (min 10Y). Please advise how should I diversify the same?
Ans: Investing Rs 20 lakh for the long term requires careful planning. A well-diversified portfolio balances risk and return. Below is a structured approach to diversification.

Understanding Long-Term Investing
Long-term investing builds wealth over time.

A well-diversified portfolio reduces risk.

Regular monitoring is essential for success.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Spreading investments across different asset classes is important.

Asset allocation should match risk tolerance and goals.

Rebalancing every year ensures stability.

Equity Investments for Growth
Equity investments provide higher returns over time.

Investing in quality mutual funds ensures professional management.

Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.

Mid-cap and small-cap funds can give high growth.

A mix of large, mid, and small caps balances risk.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures better fund selection.

Debt Investments for Stability
Debt investments provide steady returns.

They reduce overall portfolio risk.

Corporate bonds and debt funds offer better returns than fixed deposits.

Government bonds are secure but have lower returns.

A portion of capital in debt instruments gives stability.

Gold for Hedging
Gold acts as a hedge against inflation.

5-10% of the portfolio in gold is beneficial.

Sovereign gold bonds provide interest and capital appreciation.

Gold ETFs and digital gold are convenient options.

International Exposure for Diversification
Investing in global funds provides currency diversification.

Exposure to international markets enhances portfolio strength.

Developed market funds offer stability.

Emerging market funds provide growth opportunities.

Investing in REITs for Real Estate Exposure
Real estate investment trusts (REITs) provide real estate exposure.

They generate rental income and capital appreciation.

REITs are more liquid than physical real estate.

Avoiding Insurance-Based Investments
Investment-cum-insurance plans give poor returns.

ULIPs have high charges and low flexibility.

Insurance should be separate from investments.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Always keep an emergency fund ready.

Three to six months of expenses should be in a liquid fund.

This ensures financial security during unforeseen events.

Tax-Efficient Investing
Investing in tax-saving funds reduces tax liability.

Long-term capital gains from equities are tax-efficient.

Debt investments should be chosen based on tax benefits.

A Certified Financial Planner helps in tax-efficient planning.

SIP vs. Lump Sum Investment
Systematic investment plans (SIPs) reduce market timing risk.

Lump sum investments work well in market corrections.

A combination of SIP and lump sum is effective.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Portfolio performance should be reviewed yearly.

Rebalancing ensures asset allocation stays aligned with goals.

Market fluctuations require adjustments.

Final Insights
A well-diversified portfolio ensures wealth creation.

Equity, debt, gold, and international funds balance returns and risk.

A Certified Financial Planner helps in building a strong investment plan.

Monitoring investments ensures long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Anu mam, I am 21 about to graduate this year. So I am a single child and I just got to know that my parents are planning to separate. They are both seeing different people but none of them have cared to sit down and discuss this with me. I am old enough to make decisions. But I feel betrayed by my own parents. I don't have siblings or cousins with whom I can discuss this. I mean, what happens to me after my parents separate? Where will I stay? What about home? Both my parents are travelling or working late so we hardly spend time together at home to have a conversation. I have suggested several times that I want to talk but there is no response from either of them. There is always some urgent work to attend, some family event coming up and this gets brushed aside. I feel like I am not even their child any more. They have both mentally moved on... and I feel betrayed, lonely. I don't know what to do. Can you help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear that. It is never easy to understand when your parents are planning to separate and it leaves you with a lot of questions when left unanswered can lead to a very unsettled feeling.
Perhaps they are still wondering how to break the news to you. If they have been avoiding this topic, then it is evident that they are not ready to tell you or it's still in an awkward phase.
You are 21 and obviously there's no point hiding this from you anymore. Make a dinner plan outside of home where they will not be able to move about and cite urgent work etc. Mid-way through dinner, ask them...they may deny or one of them may walk out; but at least they know that you are aware and will want to talk about it eventually. The path to a conversation has opened then and then you can make a plan about how to go about it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Me 38ki hu mera bf 28ka wo mujhse sucha pyar krta hai shaadi bi Krna hai usko but bola ki me 2cr kmalu tb krunga t shaadi usne ghr me baat bhi ni ki apne na mere ki confirm krde ki shaadi t krunga or sagai krle usne BTech science kri hai wo mera office me lga jha selry 18k hai but maine kha ki tum apni qualification me hisaab se khi or job krlo jha 50k mile taki tum mere ghr walo se shaadi ki baat kr sko humre riste ko 4saal ho gye hai but usko m bhoat smjhaya ki khi or job krlo set ho jaye but ni ki or is office me job krha jha 18k milre hai usko fir bolta hai ki me 2cr acount me ho tb me Shaadi krunga tumse but mere ghr wale pressure krhe hai alg or ye koi faisla ni lera hai me kya kru
Ans: Dear Tiya,
Uske paas tumse zyaada waqt hai umar ke hisaab se isiliye woh yeh bol paa raha hai. Woh galat nahin na tum galat ho. Dono apni apni jagah sahi ho.
Aapko apni life mein kya chahiye? Shaadi aur ek pariwaar? Toh aapko yahi sochna chahiye ki kya yeh aapka bf samajhta hai aur kya is waqt woh yeh aapko de paayega. Kamaai ki baare mein bol rahaa hai woh; woh 2 Cr kitne saal aur lagenge? Kya aap intezaar karna chahoge? Agar nahin, toh is waqt woh bhi shaadi nahin karna chahte...toh aap unko majboor nahin kar sakte...Aaraam se soch vichaar kar lijiye aur ek nateeje par aana. Aap intezaar hi karte rahoge aur umar bhi nikla jaayega...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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