Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Feb 20, 2020

Mutual Fund Expert... more
Karthik Question by Karthik on Feb 20, 2020Hindi
Listen
Money

I have a guaranteed job and a stable income for the next 12 years. Thus I want to generate Rs 1 crore by the end of 12 years for buying a home and to have some surplus money. I am currently investing 30000 per month (half my take home salary) in mutual funds. Please tell me if my current investments will enable me to achieve this target.

Name of the Fund Category RankMF Star Rating
Karthik Deep    
1. ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund- 5000 Equity - Large Cap Fund: 2
2. L&T Midcap Fund- 5000 Equity - Mid Cap Fund: 3
3. L&T Emerging Businesses Fund- 5000 Equity - Small Cap Fund: 1
4. SBI Magnum Multicap Fund- 10000 Equity - Multi Cap Fund: 4
5. Axis Bluechip Fund- 5000 Equity - Large Cap Fund: 5

Ans: 30000 per month is sufficient for creating wealth of Rs. 1 cr in 12 years. Few top funds are listed below for your consideration.

Equity - Value Fund:

  • Tata Equity PE Fund - Growth
  • UTI Value Opportunities Fund - Growth Plan

Equity - Multi Cap Fund:

  • UTI Equity Fund – Growth
  • Axis Multicap Fund – Growth

Equity - Large Cap Fund:

  • UTI Mastershare Unit Scheme - Growth Plan
  • LIC MF Large Cap Fund-growth

Equity - Mid Cap Fund:

  • MOSL Midcap 30 Fund – Growth
  • DSP midcap – growth

Equity - Small Cap Fund:

  • Kotak Small Cap Fund – Growth
  • Axis Small cap Fund - Growth
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Hardik

Hardik Parikh  | Answer  |Ask -

Tax, Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2023

Listen
Money
Hello Sir, Myself Krishna. I am 45 years salaried. I am investing in MF from last 5 years. Currently the MF amount has grown to 20 Lakhs. I am investing around 15K in MF per month. I have invested around 5 Lakh in Indian stocks. I have an FD amount of 30 Lakhs. Apart from this I have invested around 60 Lakh in gold. I have Epf and PPF amount of about 25 Lakhs. I have invested in real estate ( 4 houses, 2 flats and 4 plots) in Bangalore. I want around 5 crores for my child education and for retirement. With my current investment, will I will be able to achieve my goal of 5 crores in the next 10-12 years.
Ans: Hello Krishna,

It's great to see that you've been actively investing and diversifying your investments across various asset classes. You have done a good job of creating a robust investment portfolio. Let's take a look at your current investment and assess whether you can achieve your goal of 5 crores in the next 10-12 years.

As of now, you have:

Mutual Funds (MF) - ₹20 lakhs
Indian Stocks - ₹5 lakhs
Fixed Deposits (FD) - ₹30 lakhs
Gold - ₹60 lakhs
EPF & PPF - ₹25 lakhs
Real estate investments (4 houses, 2 flats, and 4 plots)
In addition to this, you are investing ₹15,000 per month in MFs.

To estimate whether your current investments will help you reach your goal of ₹5 crores in the next 10-12 years, we need to consider factors like inflation, average returns, and your risk appetite.

Assuming you're investing in a well-diversified MF portfolio, it's reasonable to expect an annualized return of around 12% on your MF investments. Considering the same rate of return, your monthly investment of ₹15,000 could grow to approximately ₹33 lakhs in the next 10 years.

Based on historical returns, we can assume an annualized return of around 7% for your FDs, 12% for your stocks, and 8% for your gold investments. Your EPF and PPF investments might provide an average return of around 8%. However, real estate returns are harder to predict as they vary significantly depending on the location and market conditions.

Assuming average returns, your current investment could grow to approximately ₹3.5 crores in the next 10 years, excluding real estate. Including real estate returns is difficult due to the unpredictable nature of the market, but it could potentially help you reach closer to your ₹5 crores goal.

It is important to review and adjust your investment strategy periodically to ensure that you're on track to achieve your financial goals. You may want to consider increasing your monthly MF investments or reallocating your portfolio to achieve better returns. It's always a good idea to consult a professional financial advisor to discuss your financial plan and strategies tailored to your specific needs.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best in your financial journey!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello sir, I earn monthly as 1.84 lakh.I spend 60% of my salary in living expense and 40% as savings I spend 11000 in mutual funds which include 5000 in HDFC balanced advantage fund, 2000 in eledweiss mutual fund,3000 in motilal oswal midcap fund direct growth. Have added step up of 20% in each one,also I spend 10000 in NPS and 5000 in PPF every month. This all saving I have started last year. My age is 40 currently. I have a target to generate 2 cr alteast till I reach 60. Will this be possible with this much investment or not, if not how much should I invest monthly. Also I am not able to have emergency fund. How should I manage my financial planning. Also what can be source of passive income. I not good in share market or digital marketing stuffs. Please suggest
Ans: It's great that you're actively saving and investing for your future. However, to achieve your goal of accumulating ?2 crore by the time you're 60, you may need to adjust your investment strategy and consider a few factors:

Emergency Fund: It's crucial to have an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses, such as medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save at least 3-6 months' worth of living expenses in a liquid and easily accessible account.

Investment Allocation: While investing in mutual funds, consider diversifying your portfolio across different asset classes such as equity, debt, and hybrid funds to manage risk effectively. Also, review your investment choices periodically to ensure they align with your goals and risk tolerance.

Increasing Investments: To reach your target of ?2 crore by age 60, you may need to increase your monthly investments. Consider using a financial calculator or consulting a financial advisor to determine the monthly contribution required based on your expected rate of return and time horizon.

Passive Income Sources: Explore passive income streams such as rental income from real estate properties, dividends from stocks or mutual funds, or interest from fixed deposits or bonds. These sources can provide additional income without requiring active involvement.

Financial Planning: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner who can help you create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals, risk tolerance, and financial situation. They can also provide guidance on optimizing your investments and achieving financial security.

Remember, achieving long-term financial goals requires discipline, patience, and periodic review of your financial plan. By making informed decisions and staying committed to your goals, you can work towards building a secure financial future.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello, I am 34 earning 3 lacs per month. I have been investing in Mutual funds from past 7 years and from pass 3 years I have reached and investing 1.6 lacs per month in Mutual funds. In next 10 years I want to have an automatic income of about 3 lacs per month. Can you advise how is it possible. I am investing in Mirae emerging asset, DSP, axis long term quity, parag pariek flexi cap, HDFC mic cap, HDFC Top 100, Nippon, SBi (small cap) Please advise the mutual fund I should invest and the amount to get an income of 3 lacs per month in next 7-10 years Also, i have bought a house for 1.5 cr. Have paid about 25 lacs from my investments already. Planning to pay about 70% as down payment in the next 3-4 years and 30 % loan. Is that a wise decision. Please advise
Ans: It's impressive to see your commitment to investing and your ambitious goal of generating a passive income of 3 lakhs per month in the next decade. With your current investment capacity and timeframe, achieving this target is feasible, but it requires careful planning and strategic allocation of your resources.

Given your investment horizon, you might consider a combination of growth-oriented and income-oriented mutual funds. Growth-oriented funds can provide capital appreciation over time, while income-oriented funds can generate regular dividends or interest payments.

To meet your income goal, you'll need to accumulate a significant corpus that can generate a sustainable monthly income. Based on your current investments and savings rate, you may need to increase your monthly investment amount and consider higher-returning investment avenues.

Regarding your mutual fund portfolio, it's essential to ensure diversification and align your investments with your risk tolerance and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your portfolio to meet your income objectives while managing risk effectively.

Regarding your property investment, using a combination of your savings and a home loan for the down payment seems like a prudent approach, as it reduces your debt burden while leveraging your existing assets. However, assess your cash flow and future income prospects to ensure you can comfortably manage the loan obligations.

Overall, achieving your financial goals requires a holistic approach, considering both investment strategies and asset allocation. Stay focused on your long-term objectives, and seek professional guidance to optimize your investment plan and real estate decisions. With discipline and careful planning, you can work towards building a robust financial future.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi, I am 35 years old and have an investment goal of 5 crore by the age of 55. I am investing 8000 per month in following mutual funds : ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Direct - Growth - 2000 Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct - Growth - 500 SBI Bluechip Direct - Growth - 2000 Axis Midcap Direct - Growth - 500 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct - Growth - 1000 Axis ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan - Growth - 500 Axis Small Cap Fund Direct - Growth - 500 Tata Business Cycle Fund Direct - Growth - 500 ICICI money market Direct - Growth - 500 I have accumulated 3.78 lacs till date in last 2 years. Can you tell me if these MFs have growth potential or let me know any other funds that can help me with my goal. I can invest 2000 more by year end in MFs. I also invest 6000 per month in different shares. I have accumulated 2 lacs in that as well. Invest 9000 per month in PPF and currently have 4.6 lacs in there and also have 11.25 lacs in there with monthly contribution of 22k. Invest 4000 per month in NPS. Also, invest 1200 per month in SBI Ulip plan with 12 years more to go. Currently with 8 years of investment, total yield stands at 1.7 lacs. Have 3 different LICs which will give me around 35 Lacs on maturity. I have a property that is around 35 Lacs with home loan pending of 23 lacs to be completed in next 6 years. I also have personal raw gold of around 2.25 lacs Am I on the right track?
Ans: You've embarked on a comprehensive investment journey, which is commendable. Let's delve into your portfolio and discuss its growth potential:

Your monthly SIP investments across various mutual funds demonstrate a diversified approach towards wealth creation.

ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund, Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund, and SBI Bluechip Fund are renowned for their stability and consistent returns.

Axis Midcap and Axis Small Cap Funds provide exposure to mid-cap and small-cap segments, respectively, offering growth potential over the long term.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund is known for its flexibility and balanced approach, while Tata Business Cycle Fund focuses on economic cycles, offering a unique investment proposition.

Considering your investment horizon and target corpus of 5 crores by the age of 55, these mutual funds align well with your goals.

Adding 2000 more to your monthly SIPs by year-end will further boost your investment corpus and accelerate your wealth accumulation journey.

Your investment in shares, PPF, and NPS complements your mutual fund investments, enhancing diversification and risk management.

Additionally, your investments in ULIP, LIC policies, and real estate add another layer of financial security and asset appreciation potential.

With a clear roadmap and diversified investment portfolio, you're on the right track towards achieving your financial goals.

However, it's essential to periodically review your portfolio's performance, rebalance if necessary, and stay updated with market trends.

Ensure that your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term objectives, and seek professional advice if needed.

Overall, your proactive approach towards financial planning and diverse investment portfolio indicate that you're on the path to financial success.

Moreover, instead of investing directly, consider investing in regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). Here's why:

By investing through a Regular Plan, you can access professional advice and guidance from an experienced Mutual Fund Distributor.
MFDs can help you navigate through the complexities of the market, select suitable funds based on your risk profile, and monitor your investments regularly.
Regular plans often offer additional services, such as portfolio reviews, financial planning, and timely updates on market trends and fund performance.
Investing through an MFD ensures that you receive ongoing support and assistance, helping you make informed decisions and stay on track towards your financial goals.

Overall, by diversifying your investments and leveraging the expertise of a Mutual Fund Distributor, you can enhance the effectiveness of your investment strategy and optimize your chances of long-term success.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 25, 2024

Listen
Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x