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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Shawn Question by Shawn on Sep 25, 2024Hindi
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I have started investing in Mutual Funds now and below is the portfolio - Parag Parikh flexi cap - 3k SIP, 15k invested in lumpsum SBI small cap - 3k SIP Quant Mid cap - 25k invested in lumpsum( planning to add 3k monthly manually not via SIP) Whiteoak multicap(regular plan)- 1 lakh invested( 1 year completed) Invesco small cap - 3k SIP, 10k invested in lumpsum My strategy includes to add 2k extra every month depending on my savings in above funds with some lump sum addons in above multicap as & when possible. I am planning to generate 1.5 crores in 10 years considering I am 30 right now. Please let me know if I have selected right funds or need to add few more and which ones ? I took 2 funds as regular to reduce the risk of investments. Please let me know your views.

Ans: Your mutual fund portfolio looks diverse with a mix of flexi cap, small cap, and mid-cap funds. However, it is essential to ensure that all funds have a minimum of 5 years of track record and perform consistently.

Also, it's wise to check the overlap ratio between the funds to avoid duplication in stock holdings, which could reduce the diversification benefit.

I suggest consulting a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) for personalized handholding, as they can help assess fund selection, overlap, and adjust the strategy based on your long-term goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Hardik

Hardik Parikh  | Answer  |Ask -

Tax, Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on May 03, 2023

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Kapil Padha: Kindly give your expert opinion regarding my monthly mutual fund investments of Rs. 28000 (all SIPs) I have been doing for the last 4 years. I am 39 yr old. I want to create a corpus of around 2 Crore in the next 15 years. Your expert opinion will be appreciated. 1. HDFC Children's Gift Fund - (Lock-in) - Regular Plan - Rs. 10000. 2. ICICI Prudential Midcap Fund - Growth - Rs. 5000 3. ICICI Prudential Multicap Fund - Growth - Rs. 2000 4. Axis Bluechip Fund - Regular Growth - Rs. 4500 5. Axis Focussed 25 Fund - Regular Growth - Rs. 2000 6. SBI Focussed Equity Fund - Regular Growth - Rs. 4500 Are the funds mentioned above good? Or do I have to change to some other funds?
Ans: Dear Kapil,

I appreciate your proactive approach towards building wealth for the future. I must say that you have chosen a diversified set of mutual funds which is a good start towards achieving your financial goals.

To begin with, your investment of Rs. 28,000 per month towards mutual funds is a commendable step towards wealth creation. Assuming a yearly growth rate of 12%, you can potentially reach your target of 2 Crore in the next 15 years.

Coming to your mutual fund portfolio, the HDFC Children's Gift Fund has a lock-in period of five years, which is ideal if you are investing for your child's education or marriage. However, you may consider shifting your investments to the HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund or HDFC Equity Fund, which have delivered good returns historically and have a lower lock-in period.

The ICICI Prudential Midcap Fund and ICICI Prudential Multicap Fund are excellent choices for investing in mid-cap and multi-cap funds, respectively. The Axis Bluechip Fund is a good option for investing in blue-chip companies, while the Axis Focused 25 Fund and SBI Focused Equity Fund are suitable for investing in focused portfolios.

Overall, your mutual fund portfolio seems to be well diversified, and you may consider making minor tweaks to it based on your risk appetite and investment goals. As always, it's essential to consult with your financial advisor before making any investment decisions.

I hope this helps!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

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Hello, I'm 37 years old and I have started investing into mutual funds since last year. My current portfolio is at 1.62 lacs. My Target is 1.5 CR in 10 years. I'm investing 10k in quant Elss, 5k Tata small cap, my wife is investing 10k in Quant flexi cap. And I want to invest 60k per month for the next 3 years in SBI contra 20k, PPAFS flexi cap 20k and ICICI multi asset 20k. Please advise if I'm going in the right direction. Noel
Ans: Noel, it's fantastic to see your commitment to building wealth through mutual funds. Your diversified portfolio showcases a strategic approach to investing across different market segments.

By investing in ELSS, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds, you're harnessing the potential for growth across various sectors and market capitalizations. These funds offer opportunities for capital appreciation over the long term, aligning well with your goal of reaching 1.5 crores in 10 years.

Your plan to increase investments to 60k per month for the next 3 years further demonstrates your dedication to achieving your financial objectives. SBI Contra, PPAFS Flexi Cap, and ICICI Multi Asset are reputable funds known for their performance and diversification benefits, providing a solid foundation for your portfolio expansion.

However, it's essential to periodically review your investments, monitor performance, and reassess your financial goals to ensure you remain on track. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to fine-tune your strategy and make any necessary adjustments along the way.

With discipline, patience, and strategic planning, you're well-positioned to progress towards your target of 1.5 crores in the next decade. Keep up the excellent work, and stay focused on your long-term financial success.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 44 years old. I have started investing in Mutual funds. I have invested @Rs 2000 each in 4 nos of mutual funds. SBI bluechip - SBI Small cap - Parag Parikh Flexi cap - Icici multi cap growth - How good a mix is this and how much my approximate wealth creation will be at 60. I also have an NPS of Rs 2500 p.m. NPS Vatsalya of Rs 2000 p.m. Provident fund investment of Rs 7000 p.m. Sukanya Samriddhi of Rs 1000 p.m. Other than LICs of around 15000 p.m. How is this strategy and do I need to change anything. I have a son and daughter and i am the sole earner in my family. Net salary is around Rs 94000 p.m. Kindly guide Regards G S Bhattacharya
Ans: Mr. Bhattacharya, your current investment strategy is quite diversified, which is a great start. You're investing in mutual funds, NPS, Provident Fund, Sukanya Samriddhi, and LICs. Let’s take a detailed look at each of your investments and assess how they contribute to your long-term goals, including wealth creation and family security.

Mutual Fund Mix Evaluation
You have chosen a mix of large-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and multi-cap funds. Let’s break this down:

SBI Bluechip (Large Cap): This fund focuses on stable, large companies. It offers consistent growth with lower risk compared to small- and mid-cap funds.

SBI Small Cap: Small-cap funds are known for high growth potential but come with higher volatility. It's good for long-term wealth creation if you can handle the risk.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap: Flexi-cap funds provide a balanced approach as they invest across market caps. This fund adds diversification and flexibility to your portfolio.

ICICI Multicap Growth: Multi-cap funds offer broad exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. This adds diversity and helps balance risk and return.

Your current mix is balanced with exposure to different market segments. However, you are investing only Rs 8,000 per month across four funds. If possible, consider increasing your SIPs over time to enhance your wealth creation.

You may also want to review your portfolio every year with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it's aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

NPS (National Pension System)
You are contributing Rs 2,500 per month to NPS, which is a good retirement tool. NPS offers a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities. It also gives you the benefit of tax savings under Section 80C and 80CCD(1B). However, at Rs 2,500 per month, your contribution is relatively low. Increasing this amount will give you a more substantial retirement corpus.

NPS Vatsalya
Your Rs 2,000 contribution to NPS Vatsalya adds to your retirement planning. While both NPS and NPS Vatsalya are pension schemes, you need to assess whether maintaining both is necessary. A professional planner can help you decide if consolidating these investments might be more effective.

Provident Fund (PF)
Contributing Rs 7,000 per month to your Provident Fund is excellent for building a retirement corpus. It offers guaranteed returns and is a safe long-term investment. The tax benefits and safety make this an essential part of your strategy. You can continue this contribution as it builds a solid foundation for your retirement.

Sukanya Samriddhi Scheme (SSS)
You are contributing Rs 1,000 per month towards Sukanya Samriddhi for your daughter. This is a great step towards securing her future. It offers attractive interest rates, and the maturity is tax-free. This is one of the best tools for saving for your daughter’s education and marriage.

LIC Premiums
You are paying Rs 15,000 per month towards LIC policies. LIC offers security, but it’s crucial to assess whether these policies are insurance-cum-investment products. These policies often provide lower returns than mutual funds. It might be worth reconsidering your allocation to LIC, focusing on term insurance for protection and mutual funds for growth. If you find that these are traditional or ULIP policies, consider surrendering them and reinvesting in high-return mutual funds.

Wealth Creation by Age 60: Approximate Insights
Given your current investment pattern, let's look at potential wealth creation:

Mutual Funds: With a SIP of Rs 8,000 per month, assuming an average annual return of 12% over the next 16 years, your mutual funds can grow significantly. You could expect a corpus upwards of Rs 50-60 lakh, depending on market performance and how regularly you increase your SIP amounts.

NPS: Your Rs 2,500 contribution per month might result in a decent retirement corpus, depending on how long you continue investing and the equity-debt ratio of your NPS portfolio. Over time, you can expect this corpus to grow steadily.

Provident Fund: Your Rs 7,000 per month in PF contributions will continue building a safe and stable retirement corpus.

Sukanya Samriddhi: Your contributions towards Sukanya Samriddhi will grow until your daughter turns 21, and the tax-free maturity amount will help with her education or marriage.

However, exact wealth creation depends on how consistently you invest and whether you increase contributions over time. Periodic reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can give you better insights.

Family Protection and Financial Security
You mentioned that you are the sole earner in your family. It's crucial to protect your family with a pure term insurance plan rather than relying on LIC's traditional policies for both insurance and investment. Pure term insurance offers higher coverage at a lower cost.

Since you have a son and a daughter, ensuring they are financially secure is essential. You may need to assess your insurance coverage to ensure it meets your family's needs in case of unforeseen circumstances.

Suggestions for Improvement
While your strategy is solid, here are a few improvements to consider:

Increase SIPs Gradually: If your budget allows, gradually increase your SIPs. Even small increases can have a significant impact on your long-term wealth.

Focus on Term Insurance: If your LIC policies are investment-cum-insurance plans, consider switching to term insurance for higher life coverage at a lower cost. Reinvest the difference in mutual funds for better returns.

Review NPS Contributions: Consider increasing your NPS contributions if retirement security is a primary goal. The NPS can be a powerful tool for building a retirement corpus, but your current contributions may be on the lower side.

Keep an Emergency Fund: Ensure you have a sufficient emergency fund. Ideally, you should aim for 6-12 months of expenses saved in a liquid, safe investment like a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Child’s Education Planning: Sukanya Samriddhi is excellent for your daughter. For your son, you may want to allocate additional savings towards his higher education through a dedicated investment plan.

Final Insights
Your current investment approach is diversified and provides a good balance between growth and safety. You have laid a strong foundation for retirement, children’s education, and insurance.

To further enhance your financial security:

Gradually increase your SIPs and NPS contributions.
Shift to term insurance for higher life cover.
Periodically review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your long-term goals.
Lastly, don't hesitate to seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance on growing and protecting your wealth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  | Answer  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I really appreciate the advice received from you to my query. Bases on your feedback, I have decided to replan the mutual funds investments and hence will request your invaluable suggestion on wealth building for the next 10 years. I am 45 years old and the objective is to work for another 10 years and accumulate a corpus of around 2.5 CRS. My existing take home salary is Rs 1.25 lacs per month and additional variable income ( incentives ) of around Rs 3 to 4 lacs annually. My existing EFP accumulation is Rs 38,18,711 and it should continue to add for another 10 years. My existing PPF accumulation is Rs 24,69,961, having started from April, 2011 and I wish to continue it for another 10 years with Rs 1.5 lacs deposit per year. Following are my ongoing LICs maturity plans :- Jeevan Anand, Maturity year - 2032, Sum assured - Rs 8 lacs Jeevan Ankur, Maturity year - 2034, Sum assured - Rs 12 lacs Jeevan Saral, Maturity year - 2035, Sum assured - Rs 352,330 Money back policy, Maturity year - 2027, Sum assured - Rs 2lacs + vested bonds My existing LIC annual premium is Rs 135,661 My existing corpus if mutual fund is around Rs 4 lacs, regret not having started investing in mutual funds earlier. Following are the SIPs I intend to realign from January, 2025 to at least till December, 20234, per month Parag Pariekh Flexicap - Rs 20,000 Quant Active Fund - Rs 10,000 SBI Smallcap - Rs 5,000 Nippon India Smallcap - Rs 5,000 ICICI Prudential Bluchip - Rs 5,000 Mirae Asset Large and Midcap - Rs 5,000 Overviewing, the entire details, please share your opinions and suggestions for wealth building for the next 10 years.
Ans: Hello;

Your EPF corpus, PPF contribution+ corpus and MF sip corpus together will provide you a corpus of 2.5 Cr+ over 10 years. (8%, 6.9% & 12% returns considered respectively)

Maturity proceeds of endowment life insurance policies, if any, is a surplus.

Do invest part of your annual incentives as lumpsum investment in the sip funds to boost your corpus.

Also always bear in mind to never mix investment with insurance.

For life insurance an adequate term life cover is good enough.

Endowment policies have the worst returns.

SIP funds are okay except multicap fund, which you may replace with any other top quartile fund from that category, since that fund AMC has an ongoing sebi probe into frontrunning allegations.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6750 Answers  |Ask -

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Sir i have given 12th in 2025 and passed with 69% but not given jee exam in 2025 and not in 2026 also But i want iit anyhow sir is this possible that i give 12th in 2027 and cleared 75 criteria then give jee mains and also i am eligible for jee advanced
Ans: You have already appeared for and passed the Class 12 examination in 2025. As per the eligibility criteria, only two consecutive attempts for JEE (Advanced) are permitted—the first in 2025 and the second in 2026. Therefore, you will not be eligible to appear for JEE (Advanced) in 2027. Reappearing for Class 12 does not reset or extend JEE (Advanced) eligibility.

However, you can still achieve your goal of studying at an IIT through an alternative and well-established pathway. You may take admission to an undergraduate engineering program of your choice, appear for the GATE examination in your final year, and secure a qualifying score to gain admission to a postgraduate program at a top IIT.

This is a strong and viable route to IIT. At this stage, it would be advisable to move forward by enrolling in an engineering program rather than focusing again on Class 12, JEE Main, or JEE Advanced.

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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