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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sara Question by Sara on May 05, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am fifty years 10 years to retire.i have a htl of 29 lakhs my salary is 1.2 avg per month .68000 I am paying my emi.no savings as of now.need 5 cr corpus .my daughter higher education and her marriage is there.kindly advice .I am new to this subject.

Ans: It's commendable that you're taking steps towards financial planning, especially with your retirement on the horizon and important milestones like your daughter's education and marriage to consider. Let's create a roadmap to help you achieve your financial goals effectively.

Prioritizing Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus: With 10 years until retirement and a target of 5 crores, it's essential to start saving and investing diligently to build a substantial corpus. We'll outline a strategy to allocate your income towards retirement savings.

Daughter's Education and Marriage: Planning for your daughter's higher education and marriage requires setting aside funds separately. We'll devise a plan to address these goals alongside your retirement planning.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Monthly Savings: Given your monthly salary of 1.2 lakhs and existing EMI commitments, identify a portion of your income that you can allocate towards savings. Aim to save and invest consistently each month to build your retirement corpus.

Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. Aim for 6-12 months' worth of living expenses saved in a high-yield savings account or liquid fund.

Investment Portfolio: Once you've established your emergency fund, allocate a portion of your savings towards investments that offer growth potential, such as mutual funds (equity and debt), PPF, or NPS. Diversify your portfolio to manage risk effectively.

Funding Education and Marriage Expenses
Education Fund: Estimate the cost of your daughter's higher education and start setting aside funds in a separate account or investment vehicle. Consider options like education-focused mutual funds or recurring deposits to accumulate the required amount.

Marriage Fund: Similarly, estimate the expenses for your daughter's marriage and allocate savings towards this goal. You can explore investment options with moderate risk to ensure capital preservation while aiming for growth.

Seeking Professional Advice
Given your relatively late start to financial planning, consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific circumstances. They can help you develop a comprehensive financial plan, optimize your investments, and prioritize your goals effectively.


Taking the first step towards financial planning is crucial, and you're on the right path. By setting clear goals, creating a budget, and starting to save and invest systematically, you can work towards achieving financial security for your retirement and fulfilling your daughter's aspirations. Stay committed, stay disciplined, and keep moving forward towards your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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I am 48 years old. I owe a small house and a car without any loan. My monthly income is 50 thousand per month. Daughter is pursuing Graduation and son in 8th standard. I am having medi claim, and 50 lakh term plan. Fixed deposits ( Bank and Post office). Worth Rs 40 lakh. My monthly expenses is parallel to my income. No extra source of income. Want to retire by 55 . Not having high dreams need 50 thousand per month after retirement through my savings. Pls guide
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
At 48, planning for retirement by 55 is prudent. You have a small house, a car, and no loans. Your monthly income is Rs 50,000, with equivalent expenses. You have Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits, a term plan of Rs 50 lakh, and medical insurance. Your financial planning should ensure a stable post-retirement income.

Retirement Corpus Estimation
To achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, you need a substantial retirement corpus. Assuming a retirement duration of 20 years and considering inflation, a rough estimate is Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore.

Current Investments and Gaps
Your Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits is a good start. However, you need to build additional corpus to meet your retirement goals. Diversifying investments beyond fixed deposits can yield better returns.

Recommended Investment Strategy
1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Regular Contributions: Start SIPs in mutual funds. Invest a portion of your income regularly. This can build a significant corpus over time.
Equity Funds: Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Equity funds can offer higher returns over the long term.
2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Tax Benefits: PPF offers tax benefits under Section 80C. The interest earned is tax-free.
Long-Term Safety: PPF is a government-backed scheme, providing safety and stable returns.
3. National Pension System (NPS):

Additional Retirement Savings: NPS is designed for retirement savings. It offers tax benefits and market-linked returns.
Systematic Contributions: Contribute regularly to build a substantial retirement corpus.
4. Balanced Approach:

Diversification: Balance your investments between equity, debt, and fixed income. This helps manage risk and ensures steady growth.
Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. Adjust based on performance and changing financial goals.
Managing Monthly Expenses
1. Budgeting:

Track Expenses: Monitor your monthly expenses. Identify areas to reduce unnecessary spending.
Allocate Savings: Direct a portion of your income towards savings and investments. This ensures disciplined financial planning.
2. Emergency Fund:

Liquidity: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides financial security during unforeseen circumstances.
Accessibility: Keep this fund in a liquid or easily accessible form, like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.
Insurance Coverage
1. Adequate Term Plan:

Coverage: Ensure your term plan coverage is adequate to support your family's financial needs in your absence. Rs 50 lakh coverage is good but assess if it needs enhancement.
2. Medical Insurance:

Comprehensive Coverage: Ensure your medical insurance provides comprehensive coverage. Review and upgrade if necessary to cover future medical expenses.
Final Insights
To retire by 55 and achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, start with disciplined savings and diversified investments. SIPs in mutual funds, contributions to PPF, and NPS can help build a substantial corpus. Maintain an emergency fund and review insurance coverage. Periodically monitor and adjust your investments. A balanced approach ensures financial stability and growth, aligning with your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Anil

Anil Rego  |377 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 30, 2024Hindi
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir I am 46 year old. I have wife and 2 kids . Daughter is going for study at abroad, son is in 9 th . Following is my investment and loan . Home loan 25 L remaining emi 24 K , Car loan 3 L remaining emi 8 K. Investment 77 L FD , 18 L mutual fund ( 50 K per month) , epf 76 L , ppf 30 L, other gold/ shares 4 L and 3.4 L NSC post office. I earn 2 L per month and my wife 55 K . We require for daughter eduction 7 L per annum for next 6 years and son education after 4 year may be 7 L for 4 years. We want retirement at 55 with 1.5 L per month please suggest how to achieve this
Ans: You have a strong financial foundation. Your income, combined with your wife’s, is Rs. 2.55 lakh per month. You have a diversified investment portfolio, including fixed deposits, mutual funds, EPF, PPF, gold, shares, and NSC. Your loan obligations are Rs. 25 lakh on your home loan and Rs. 3 lakh on your car loan, with EMIs of Rs. 24,000 and Rs. 8,000, respectively.

Your daughter's education costs will be Rs. 7 lakh annually for the next six years. Your son's education will require Rs. 7 lakh annually starting in four years for a period of four years. Additionally, you plan to retire at 55, with a desired monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh.

Financial Goals
1. Funding Education Expenses

Your immediate priority is securing funds for your children's education. For your daughter, you need Rs. 42 lakh over six years. For your son, you need Rs. 28 lakh starting in four years. These goals are crucial and require a robust plan.

2. Retirement Planning

You wish to retire at 55, with a target of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month. With nine years to retirement, it's essential to align your investments to ensure this target is met.

3. Loan Repayment

Paying off your home and car loans will free up cash flow, which can be redirected to other investments.

Strategic Financial Planning
1. Optimizing Loan Repayment

Home Loan: You have Rs. 25 lakh remaining on your home loan. With an EMI of Rs. 24,000, the remaining tenure is likely long. Consider prepaying a portion of this loan. Prepayment will reduce the tenure and save interest. You could use a part of your FD to do this. This action will free up Rs. 24,000 per month in the future.

Car Loan: The outstanding amount is Rs. 3 lakh with an EMI of Rs. 8,000. Given the smaller loan size, it’s advisable to pay this off early. You could use your savings or FD for this. This will free up Rs. 8,000 per month.

2. Investment Strategy for Education

Daughter’s Education: Rs. 7 lakh per annum for six years will need Rs. 42 lakh. You already have Rs. 77 lakh in FD, which is a safe option. However, considering inflation, it’s wise to ensure that these funds are not only secure but also growing. You might want to move some of these funds into a balanced mutual fund or a debt mutual fund. This will offer a better return than FD while still being relatively low-risk.

Son’s Education: Rs. 7 lakh per annum for four years, starting in four years, will require Rs. 28 lakh. You have time to grow this fund. Continue your current SIPs and consider increasing the amount. Mid-cap and small-cap funds can provide higher returns, but they come with higher risk. Since you have time, a mix of equity mutual funds is advisable.

3. Retirement Planning

Current Savings: Your EPF (Rs. 76 lakh) and PPF (Rs. 30 lakh) are solid foundations. Continue contributing to them. Additionally, your Rs. 18 lakh in mutual funds should continue growing. With Rs. 50,000 per month in SIPs, your portfolio will grow significantly over the next nine years.

Diversifying Investments: To achieve Rs. 1.5 lakh per month in retirement, you’ll need a combination of safe and growth-oriented investments. Continue with mutual funds but consider adding debt funds and conservative hybrid funds as you near retirement. This will protect your corpus from market volatility.

4. Building a Contingency Fund

Emergency Savings: With your current income, you should set aside at least six months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund. This would be about Rs. 18 lakh. Your FDs could partially serve this purpose, but you might also consider a separate contingency fund.
5. Health and Insurance Coverage

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your entire family. Medical costs can be a significant burden, especially in retirement. If your current coverage is below Rs. 10-20 lakh, consider enhancing it.

Life Insurance: Review your life insurance needs. Your outstanding loans and future obligations mean you should have sufficient coverage. A term plan is the most cost-effective way to secure this.

Detailed Financial Recommendations
1. Education Funding

Daughter’s Education: Allocate Rs. 7 lakh per annum from your FD. Invest the remaining FD in a balanced mutual fund to keep pace with inflation. This approach balances safety and growth.

Son’s Education: Use your mutual fund SIPs to build this corpus. Consider increasing your SIPs if possible, to ensure you have Rs. 28 lakh by the time he needs it.

2. Prepay Loans

Home Loan: Consider prepaying Rs. 10-15 lakh from your FD. This will significantly reduce your loan tenure and interest burden.

Car Loan: Clear this loan as soon as possible. Use Rs. 3 lakh from your savings or FD to eliminate this EMI. This will increase your monthly cash flow.

3. Retirement Investments

Continue EPF and PPF Contributions: These are your safest investments. Ensure you’re maxing out your PPF contributions annually.

Increase Equity Exposure: Continue with your Rs. 50,000 SIPs. As you get closer to retirement, shift part of your portfolio to less volatile funds. This could include conservative hybrid funds or large-cap funds.

Explore Debt Funds: As you near retirement, consider moving a portion of your mutual fund corpus into debt funds. These provide stability and regular income, which aligns with your retirement goals.

4. Emergency Fund and Insurance

Create a Contingency Fund: Set aside Rs. 18 lakh for emergencies. This fund should be easily accessible, like in a liquid mutual fund.

Review Health Insurance: Ensure your family’s health insurance is adequate. Top up if necessary to cover Rs. 10-20 lakh per person.

Secure Life Insurance: Ensure you have a term insurance plan that covers your outstanding loans and future financial responsibilities.

Final Insights
You have a solid foundation, but optimizing your investments and managing your loans will help you achieve your financial goals. Prioritize your children's education, as these are immediate and significant expenses. Simultaneously, work towards clearing your loans to free up cash flow. Your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month is achievable with disciplined investing and strategic planning. Regularly review your financial plan, adjust as necessary, and keep your goals in focus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 now and I want to retire at the age of 56 and my monthly expenditure is 40000PM and i have two daughters presently studying in 10th and 11th class. below mentioned financial situation please suggest me way forward on how can manage to retire or better my situation I have a 1Cr in Bank FD 12 lacs inequity ( invested 8lacs in 2021) PF as of today its accumulated to 25 lacs i am doing SIP worth rs6000 from2011 in different funds which is worth around 15 lacs now recently from feb2024 I stared doing 50000 thousands monthly SIP just last month i invested 12 lacs in hybrid mutual funds I had a house loan which is cleared now and besides this i have medical insurance which i pay 54000 for the complete family Per anum and Term insurance for which i pay 51000 PA
Ans: You are 50 years old, with a goal to retire at 56. Your monthly expenditure is Rs 40,000, and you have two daughters currently studying in 10th and 11th standards, who will require financial support for their education.

Your current financial assets include:

Rs 1 crore in Bank FD
Rs 12 lakhs in equity (invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021)
Rs 25 lakhs accumulated in PF
Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs (since 2011)
Rs 50,000 monthly SIP (started from February 2024)
Rs 12 lakhs invested in hybrid mutual funds recently
Medical insurance costing Rs 54,000 PA for your family
Term insurance with an annual premium of Rs 51,000
House loan already cleared
I appreciate the strong foundation you have built with substantial savings and clear financial goals. Let's explore the way forward to optimise your retirement strategy and secure your financial future.

Step 1: Assessing Your Monthly Needs After Retirement
You need Rs 40,000 per month for your current expenses. However, this amount will likely increase due to inflation over the next six years until retirement. Let’s assume an inflation rate of 6%, which is typical in India. This means your monthly expenditure may rise to around Rs 57,000-60,000 by the time you retire.

Since you aim to retire in 6 years, the goal will be to create a financial plan that allows you to cover these rising expenses comfortably after retirement. We also need to consider the potential education expenses for your daughters in the near future, which will add another layer to your financial planning.

Step 2: Evaluating Your Current Investments
Bank FD (Rs 1 crore): While FDs offer safety, they have low returns. In the long run, they barely beat inflation. You should look at moving part of this into more growth-oriented options, like mutual funds, that can give you inflation-beating returns.

Equity Investments (Rs 12 lakhs): The equity market is an essential part of your portfolio, but given that you have invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021, the returns may be volatile in the short term. However, staying invested in good-quality actively managed mutual funds can yield higher returns over time. Equity exposure is crucial to grow your wealth, especially given the inflationary pressures.

PF (Rs 25 lakhs): Provident Fund is a long-term wealth-building instrument with the benefit of compounding. It provides a decent rate of return and safety. This will form a significant part of your retirement corpus. You should continue contributing to this.

SIPs (Rs 15 lakhs and Rs 50,000/month): Your SIPs are excellent long-term wealth builders. Since you are already committed to Rs 50,000 monthly SIPs, you are on the right path to generating good returns. SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds will help you stay ahead of inflation over time.

Hybrid Mutual Fund (Rs 12 lakhs): Hybrid funds offer a balanced mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability. They can be useful as you approach retirement, but their equity exposure should be closely monitored.

Step 3: Optimising Insurance
Medical Insurance (Rs 54,000/year): You have medical insurance in place, which is essential for covering health-related risks. Ensure that the coverage is sufficient for your entire family. Given the rising healthcare costs, consider reviewing the sum assured and increasing it if needed.

Term Insurance (Rs 51,000/year): Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your family in case of unforeseen events. It’s good to have this in place. You may not need it post-retirement, so review it closer to retirement age.

Step 4: Prioritising Your Daughters' Education
Your daughters will soon enter college, and their higher education will be a significant financial commitment. It’s wise to set aside a portion of your investments to meet these expenses. Given their ages (10th and 11th standard), you can expect to incur these costs within the next 1-3 years. Consider earmarking part of your Bank FD or hybrid mutual fund investment for their education.

The Rs 1 crore FD could be partially redirected towards a safer option, like debt mutual funds or hybrid funds, to provide liquidity for education expenses without sacrificing growth entirely.

Step 5: Managing Post-Retirement Income
To ensure a steady flow of income post-retirement, let’s look at how your current portfolio can be structured to meet your monthly needs:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments to provide a regular income. This way, you can withdraw a fixed amount every month, while the remaining capital stays invested and continues to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: As you approach retirement, you should gradually reduce exposure to high-risk equity and shift to a balanced portfolio. A mix of 40% equity and 60% debt will give you stability and growth, ensuring that you meet your monthly expenses while still preserving your capital.

Continue with PF and SIP Contributions: Your Provident Fund and SIPs should remain untouched until retirement. Both provide long-term growth and tax benefits. Continue your SIPs as planned, and consider increasing the amount when possible to accelerate your retirement corpus.

Step 6: Plan for Rising Medical Costs
As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. Ensure that your medical insurance coverage is adequate. Review the current policy and look for options to increase the coverage if needed. A good health insurance policy will prevent you from dipping into your retirement savings for medical emergencies.

Step 7: Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Capital Gains Tax: When you withdraw from mutual funds, remember that equity mutual funds attract capital gains tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outgo.

Debt Fund Withdrawals: If you hold any debt funds, remember that both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab. Use these funds carefully to manage your tax liabilities post-retirement.

Step 8: Setting Up an Emergency Fund
It’s essential to keep some money aside as an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Since you have substantial assets, you can allocate part of your Bank FD towards this. The emergency fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of unforeseen expenses.

Step 9: Reassess Your Risk Profile
At 50, your risk tolerance may be lower than when you were younger. However, to maintain your lifestyle after retirement, some equity exposure is necessary to beat inflation. Work on balancing your portfolio so that it reflects your need for both growth and stability. Actively managed funds, as opposed to index funds, will give you more flexibility and potentially higher returns.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial base and are well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, a few strategic adjustments will help optimise your portfolio and secure your financial future:

Increase your equity exposure slightly while balancing it with debt to ensure growth and stability.

Plan for your daughters’ education by earmarking some of your FD or hybrid fund investments.

Consider SWP for post-retirement income, and set up a tax-efficient withdrawal strategy.

Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs.

Stay disciplined with your SIPs and continue contributing towards your PF to build a robust retirement corpus.

By carefully managing your existing assets and planning ahead for both education and retirement, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a secure post-retirement life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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