Wife's mystery charges: Therapist or financial planner?

Ans: Thank you for being this honest. It shows strength, not weakness.

And let me say this clearly: you don’t need either a financial planner or a therapist right away.

You need a small financial conversation system that respects your relationship, while protecting your wallet.

Let’s create that together — with heart and logic, in a simple and practical Indian way.

The Real Issue is Not Shopping
This isn’t about spa bills or online classes.

It’s not about your wife being careless.

It’s not about you being controlling.

It’s about financial transparency being absent — and emotional resentment growing quietly.

Your weekend fights aren’t about money. They are about feeling unheard and disrespected.

Is This Normal in Couples?
Yes. Completely.

In most Indian couples, one partner tracks, the other spends.

Over time, it turns into silent emotional accounting.

“You didn’t tell me.” “You never understand me.” “Why hide things?” — these come later.

So, no. You’re not broken. You’re just overdue for a better system.

Do You Need a Certified Financial Planner?
Maybe later. But not today.

What you need right now is:

Shared visibility

Non-blame conversations

A mutual rule book

This will remove 80% of the conflict without needing outside help.

Step 1: Set a Safe, No-Fight Money Meeting
You’re already fighting about money weekly. Flip that into something better.

Pick one weekend morning — same time every week.

Sit together for 20 minutes.

No blaming. No history. Just look at what was spent.

Create a shared note: “This Week’s Money”.

Write all payments there. One line each. Add emojis if it helps.

Why this works:

You remove secrecy.

You remove memory gaps.

You remove shock from credit card bills.

Step 2: Create a Shared Wallet
This is the best fix I’ve seen in Indian couples.

Open one joint bank account or one separate UPI wallet (PhonePe, Paytm).

Transfer Rs 10,000 or Rs 15,000 there every month.

Both partners use only that for shopping, courses, spa, gifts, etc.

Once the limit ends, pause spending or discuss together.

This isn’t control. This is shared discipline.

It also avoids the “I forgot to tell you” problem.

Step 3: Design an “Impulse Budget”
Online sales and spa vouchers will happen. That’s not bad. But it needs a lid.

Set an “impulse budget” of Rs 3,000 per month. For each person.

Anything under Rs 3,000: no need to explain, no need to ask.

Anything above Rs 3,000: must be discussed before paying.

This rule avoids emotional fights without blocking freedom.

Step 4: Replace Judgement with Curiosity
This is emotional advice, but practical too:

Instead of “Why did you do that?” ask “Tell me what made you choose that?”

That small tone shift makes your partner feel safe, not attacked.

People hide things when they fear judgement. Not when they feel trusted.

Step 5: Build One Goal Together
Money fights disappear faster when you build something together.

Set a joint goal. Maybe a Rs 1 lakh emergency fund. Or Rs 5K monthly SIP.

Every time either of you avoids an impulse spend, log the saving toward that.

Celebrate milestones. “We built Rs 10,000 together!” means more than “You didn’t overspend!”

This brings unity instead of resentment.

What If This Still Doesn’t Work?
Then yes — a Certified Financial Planner will help create systems and budgets.

And if the money talk always turns emotional, a therapist is also a good choice.

But 90% of urban Indian couples solve this phase with just these steps:

Visibility

Non-blame check-ins

Shared limits

Personal freedom within rules

Common money goal

Final Insights
You’re not in a failing relationship.

You’re in a growing partnership that needs a money language.

Your frustration is valid.

Her forgetfulness may be innocent, but still needs structure.

Together, with the right systems, this will not just improve — it will bring you closer.

So don’t fear the bills.

Fix the process that leads to them.

This is not the end of peace. It’s the beginning of partnership — on paper, not just in emotion.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment