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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money

My age is 29 and I am a salaried person with monthly net salary of 80k now. I have 40k EMI ( 20k for Homeloan+20k personal loan). I want to retire at 60 with a savings of 3cr. Any suggestion please

Ans: You have a monthly net salary of Rs 80,000, which is a solid foundation. This gives you a good starting point to build your financial future. However, managing your expenses and debts efficiently is crucial. Currently, you have an EMI of Rs 40,000 (Rs 20,000 for a home loan and Rs 20,000 for a personal loan). This leaves you with Rs 40,000 for other expenses and savings. Your desire to retire at 60 with a savings of Rs 3 crores is a commendable goal and quite achievable with proper planning and disciplined investments.

Budgeting and Expense Management
With your current income and EMI obligations, it's important to manage your remaining Rs 40,000 wisely. Start by tracking your monthly expenses to identify areas where you can cut costs. This will help you allocate more funds towards your savings and investments. Aim to save at least 20% of your income after EMIs and essential expenses. This means setting aside Rs 16,000 monthly for your future.

Debt Management
Paying off your debts should be a priority. Your home loan is a good debt as it’s an appreciating asset. However, the personal loan typically has a higher interest rate and should be cleared as soon as possible. Consider using any bonus or extra income to pay down your personal loan faster. This will free up additional funds for savings and investments.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Before diving into investments, ensure you have an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 months of your living expenses, including EMI payments. With your current situation, an emergency fund of around Rs 2.4 lakhs would be ideal. This will provide a financial cushion in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.

Understanding Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are an excellent investment avenue for long-term wealth creation. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns compared to traditional savings options. Here's a brief overview of different mutual fund categories:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risks. These funds are suitable for long-term goals like retirement. They can be further classified into large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap funds based on the market capitalization of the stocks they invest in.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds, government securities, and corporate debt. They are relatively safer than equity funds and provide steady returns. These funds are suitable for short-term goals and for balancing the risk in your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They offer a balance between risk and return and are suitable for medium to long-term goals. They are ideal for investors seeking moderate risk with potential for reasonable returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are those where fund managers actively select and manage the fund’s investments. These funds aim to outperform the market and provide higher returns compared to passively managed funds like index funds. Here are some benefits:

Professional Expertise: Fund managers use their expertise and research to select high-performing stocks and securities.

Potential for Higher Returns: Active management can potentially lead to higher returns as fund managers aim to beat the market.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, helping to manage risks and seize opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, which track a specific index, are passively managed. While they have lower expense ratios, they come with certain disadvantages:

Limited Returns: Index funds are designed to match the market, not beat it. This limits the potential for higher returns.

No Flexibility: Index funds cannot adjust their holdings based on market conditions. They are bound to the index they track.

Market Risk: Since index funds replicate the market, they are fully exposed to market downturns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Investing in regular funds through a certified financial planner (CFP) offers several advantages over direct funds:

Expert Guidance: CFPs provide valuable advice and help you make informed decisions based on your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Convenience: CFPs handle the paperwork and administrative tasks, making the investment process smoother and hassle-free.

Holistic Financial Planning: CFPs offer a comprehensive approach, considering all aspects of your financial life, not just investments.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is the process where your investment earnings generate their own earnings. Over time, this can lead to exponential growth of your investments. Starting early and staying invested for the long term are key to harnessing the power of compounding. By consistently investing a portion of your income, you can accumulate significant wealth over time.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning involves estimating your future expenses and creating a savings plan to meet those needs. Considering your goal of Rs 3 crores at 60, you need a disciplined investment strategy. Assuming you have 31 years until retirement, starting early and investing regularly is crucial.

Investment Strategy
Based on your goals and risk tolerance, a balanced portfolio of equity and debt funds is recommended. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity Funds: 70% of your portfolio. This includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification and growth potential.

Debt Funds: 30% of your portfolio. This includes short-term and medium-term debt funds for stability and steady returns.

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your changing financial goals and market conditions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This helps in disciplined investing and averaging out the cost of investments over time. Start a SIP with the amount you can comfortably set aside each month. As your income grows, increase your SIP contributions to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is essential for financial security. Ensure you have a term insurance policy with a sum assured that covers your family’s future needs. Additionally, health insurance is crucial to cover medical expenses and protect your savings.

Tax Planning
Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C and other provisions to reduce your taxable income. Equity-linked savings schemes (ELSS), Public Provident Fund (PPF), and National Pension System (NPS) are good options. Efficient tax planning will help you save more and invest towards your retirement goal.

Monitoring and Review
Regularly monitor your investments and review your financial plan. This helps ensure you stay on track towards your retirement goal. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and life changes like income growth, marriage, or having children.

Final Insights
Your goal to retire with Rs 3 crores is achievable with disciplined planning and investing. Start by managing your debts, building an emergency fund, and allocating your savings wisely. Invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds, leveraging the power of compounding through SIPs. Regularly review your financial plan and make adjustments as needed. Remember, the key to financial success is consistency, discipline, and informed decision-making.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

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Hello Team, I am 39 yrs old and currently have 40 lakhs in mutual fund and doing a SIP of 1lakh 10 k monthly, i have shares around 15 lakhs and around 22 lakhs in crypto and 14 lakhs in PF. Currently i have 13 lakhs home loan, 4.5 lakhs car loan and also bought a new house where 1.9 cr loan will be taken. My plan is to sell the current house which will fetch me 1 cr so ideally 90 lakhs loan will remain in future. Please advise me how can i retire at 45 with corpus of 5 to 6 cr.
Ans: Frst, congratulations on building a substantial investment portfolio and planning for your financial future. Managing diverse investments and loans can be challenging, but with strategic planning, your goals are achievable.

Current Assets and Liabilities
Let's summarise your financial standing:

Mutual Funds: ?40 lakhs
SIPs: ?1.10 lakhs monthly
Shares: ?15 lakhs
Cryptocurrency: ?22 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): ?14 lakhs
Home Loan (Existing): ?13 lakhs
Car Loan: ?4.5 lakhs
New Home Loan: ?1.9 crores (expected to reduce to ?90 lakhs after selling the current house)
Evaluating Your Retirement Goal
You aim to retire at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores. Given your current age of 39, you have six years to build this corpus.

Managing Existing Loans
Current Home Loan
You plan to sell your current house for ?1 crore, which will help reduce your new home loan to ?90 lakhs. This is a sound strategy to lower your debt.

Car Loan
The car loan of ?4.5 lakhs is relatively small. Consider paying it off early if possible, as this will reduce your monthly outflows and save on interest.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds and SIPs
You have ?40 lakhs in mutual funds and a monthly SIP of ?1.10 lakhs. This disciplined approach will significantly contribute to your retirement corpus.

Continue Your SIPs: Maintaining your SIPs is crucial. Consider increasing the SIP amount if your income allows, as this will accelerate your corpus growth.

Actively Managed Funds: Focus on actively managed funds with a consistent performance record. These funds aim to outperform the market and can help achieve your target returns.

Equity Investments
You have ?15 lakhs in shares. Equities can provide high returns over the long term, but they are volatile.

Diversification: Ensure your equity portfolio is diversified across sectors to manage risk.

Regular Review: Monitor your equity investments and rebalance your portfolio as needed to align with market conditions.

Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency investments worth ?22 lakhs are high-risk. While they can offer substantial returns, the volatility is significant.

Limit Exposure: Consider limiting your exposure to cryptocurrencies to avoid excessive risk.

Reallocate Gains: If there are substantial gains, consider reallocating some of these funds to more stable investments.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimating Required Returns
To achieve a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores in six years, you need to focus on high-growth investments while managing risks.

Compound Growth
Your existing investments and monthly SIPs will grow significantly due to compounding. Here’s a simplified approach:

Mutual Funds and SIPs: With aggressive and balanced mutual funds, aim for an annualised return of 12-15%.

Equities and Crypto: While high-risk, these can offer returns above 15%, but exposure should be managed carefully.

Debt Management
Reducing Loan Burden
Pay Off Small Loans: Clear the car loan and any other small debts to reduce financial stress.

New Home Loan: Focus on prepaying the new home loan. Reducing this loan early will significantly lower your interest burden and increase disposable income for investments.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help tailor your investment strategy. A CFP can provide personalised advice, monitor your portfolio, and make necessary adjustments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review Portfolio: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your retirement goals.

Rebalance Investments: Periodically rebalance your investments to manage risk and optimise returns.

Conclusion
With disciplined investing, strategic debt management, and professional guidance, retiring at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores is achievable. Focus on high-growth investments, manage risks, and regularly review your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 48 years old. I owe a small house and a car without any loan. My monthly income is 50 thousand per month. Daughter is pursuing Graduation and son in 8th standard. I am having medi claim, and 50 lakh term plan. Fixed deposits ( Bank and Post office). Worth Rs 40 lakh. My monthly expenses is parallel to my income. No extra source of income. Want to retire by 55 . Not having high dreams need 50 thousand per month after retirement through my savings. Pls guide
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
At 48, planning for retirement by 55 is prudent. You have a small house, a car, and no loans. Your monthly income is Rs 50,000, with equivalent expenses. You have Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits, a term plan of Rs 50 lakh, and medical insurance. Your financial planning should ensure a stable post-retirement income.

Retirement Corpus Estimation
To achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, you need a substantial retirement corpus. Assuming a retirement duration of 20 years and considering inflation, a rough estimate is Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore.

Current Investments and Gaps
Your Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits is a good start. However, you need to build additional corpus to meet your retirement goals. Diversifying investments beyond fixed deposits can yield better returns.

Recommended Investment Strategy
1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Regular Contributions: Start SIPs in mutual funds. Invest a portion of your income regularly. This can build a significant corpus over time.
Equity Funds: Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Equity funds can offer higher returns over the long term.
2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Tax Benefits: PPF offers tax benefits under Section 80C. The interest earned is tax-free.
Long-Term Safety: PPF is a government-backed scheme, providing safety and stable returns.
3. National Pension System (NPS):

Additional Retirement Savings: NPS is designed for retirement savings. It offers tax benefits and market-linked returns.
Systematic Contributions: Contribute regularly to build a substantial retirement corpus.
4. Balanced Approach:

Diversification: Balance your investments between equity, debt, and fixed income. This helps manage risk and ensures steady growth.
Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. Adjust based on performance and changing financial goals.
Managing Monthly Expenses
1. Budgeting:

Track Expenses: Monitor your monthly expenses. Identify areas to reduce unnecessary spending.
Allocate Savings: Direct a portion of your income towards savings and investments. This ensures disciplined financial planning.
2. Emergency Fund:

Liquidity: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides financial security during unforeseen circumstances.
Accessibility: Keep this fund in a liquid or easily accessible form, like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.
Insurance Coverage
1. Adequate Term Plan:

Coverage: Ensure your term plan coverage is adequate to support your family's financial needs in your absence. Rs 50 lakh coverage is good but assess if it needs enhancement.
2. Medical Insurance:

Comprehensive Coverage: Ensure your medical insurance provides comprehensive coverage. Review and upgrade if necessary to cover future medical expenses.
Final Insights
To retire by 55 and achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, start with disciplined savings and diversified investments. SIPs in mutual funds, contributions to PPF, and NPS can help build a substantial corpus. Maintain an emergency fund and review insurance coverage. Periodically monitor and adjust your investments. A balanced approach ensures financial stability and growth, aligning with your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 10, 2024

Money
Hello expert, Iam 38 years old and the sole earner of my family living with my wife and 3 daughters (7y,4y,and 5 month).My monthly salary is 60k and a part time bussiness which gives 2.5 L per year .I have an outstanding home loan of Rs 16 L and its emi is 18 k per month.At the age of retirement i.e 60 I want 2 crore what shall i do for this plz suggest
Ans: At 38, you’re managing family needs with a steady income. Your primary goals include:

Repaying a Rs 16 lakh home loan with an 18k EMI.
Accumulating Rs 2 crore by age 60.
This will involve efficient savings, careful debt management, and the right investment strategies.

Monthly Income Breakdown and Savings Potential
Your monthly salary is Rs 60,000, with an additional Rs 20,833 from your part-time business, totaling Rs 80,833. Allocating funds wisely can boost your financial health. After your EMI and essential expenses, maximizing savings is crucial.

Let’s discuss steps to reach your Rs 2 crore goal.

Home Loan Strategy: Efficient Debt Reduction
Repaying your home loan faster will reduce interest costs and free up funds for your goal. Consider these options:

Extra Repayments: If you add any surplus income, even a small amount, towards the loan, you could shorten its term.
Refinancing for Lower Interest Rates: Look for lower-interest loan options to reduce your EMI or loan term.
Reducing your debt quickly can allow more focus on your investment goals.

Investment Strategy: Building the Rs 2 Crore Corpus
To reach Rs 2 crore in 22 years, consistent investment in equity mutual funds can offer long-term growth potential. Let’s examine a strategic investment approach:

1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds. Actively managed funds generally deliver stronger returns than passive ones like index funds.
Regular investments in equity funds can help you build wealth over time. SIPs spread your investment, reducing market timing risks and helping accumulate a robust corpus over years.
2. Debt Fund Allocation
As you approach retirement, having a portion in debt funds will reduce market exposure.
Debt funds provide stability, though returns are typically lower than equity funds.
Remember, gains from debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.
3. Balancing Between Equity and Debt
A balance of 70% in equity and 30% in debt can provide an optimal mix of growth and security.
Gradually shift from equity to debt as you near retirement. This strategy helps secure gains while limiting exposure to market volatility.
Mutual Funds: Prefer Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Certified Financial Planner (CFP) Advice: With regular funds, you benefit from guidance by CFPs who understand your risk tolerance and goals.
Regular Monitoring: Certified advisors provide ongoing management, which direct funds lack. Direct funds may be cheaper but require expertise in fund selection and tracking.
Insurance Planning: Securing Your Family’s Future
As the sole earner, ensuring adequate life insurance is essential. Here’s what to consider:

Term Insurance: Term plans offer high coverage at low premiums and provide financial security to your family.
Health Insurance: A family floater health policy will protect against medical expenses. Coverage should be sufficient for major illnesses, ensuring your family is secure in any emergencies.
These policies safeguard your savings and investments from unforeseen events.

Emergency Fund: Essential for Stability
Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of expenses, including EMIs. This fund will be crucial for unexpected expenses, ensuring you don’t have to dip into investments or take on debt in emergencies.

Children’s Future and Education Planning
With three young daughters, you may have education and other milestone expenses in the future. Consider these strategies:

Separate SIP for Education: Start a modest SIP dedicated to your daughters’ education. Compounded over time, this fund can be a substantial asset for their higher education or other needs.
Government Schemes: Certain schemes offer good returns with capital protection, ideal for education planning. Check eligibility based on investment goals and risk appetite.
Tax Efficiency: Minimizing Liabilities
Tax efficiency plays a significant role in your financial growth. Here’s how to optimize taxes:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Plan redemptions based on your goals and tax obligations.
Debt Funds and Other Investments: Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab. Consult a tax advisor to maximize after-tax returns.
Final Insights
Following these steps can help you build a strong financial foundation:

Focus on building a disciplined investment routine.
Gradually shift to a more conservative asset mix as you approach retirement.
Ensure adequate insurance coverage and maintain an emergency fund.
Consider professional guidance for long-term strategies and efficient tax planning.
With consistent efforts, disciplined investing, and clear planning, achieving your Rs 2 crore goal by age 60 is within reach. If you’d like more personalized advice, connecting with a Certified Financial Planner may be beneficial.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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