Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Can I Retire Comfortably? 55-Year-Old with Housing Loan, High Expenses, and Retirement Goal

Jinal

Jinal Mehta  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Jinal Mehta is a qualified certified financial professional certified by FPSB India. She has 10 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
She is the founder of Beyond Learning Finance, an authorised education provider for the CFP certification programme in India.
In addition, she manages a family office organisation, where she handles investment planning, tax planning, insurance planning and estate planning.
Jinal has a bachelor's degree in management studies. She also has a diploma in in financial management from NMIMS, Mumbai.
... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

I am 50 years old. Having a housing loan with 16500 emi for another 13 years. Also I am having a cc loan for which I am paying 5000 p.m. interest. I have a son studing in 11 th science. My monthly household expenses are 12500. My income is 35000 p.m. Please guide me so that I can retire at age 60 with atleast some Pride.

Ans: Hi..please pay off your loans as soon as possible. Especially credit card loan. Your debt service to income ratio should never exceed 35% of your income. In your case it is 61.43% which is extremely high. You may consider refinancing your loan or arrange for any additional income source.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money
My age is 29 and I am a salaried person with monthly net salary of 80k now. I have 40k EMI ( 20k for Homeloan+20k personal loan). I want to retire at 60 with a savings of 3cr. Any suggestion please
Ans: You have a monthly net salary of Rs 80,000, which is a solid foundation. This gives you a good starting point to build your financial future. However, managing your expenses and debts efficiently is crucial. Currently, you have an EMI of Rs 40,000 (Rs 20,000 for a home loan and Rs 20,000 for a personal loan). This leaves you with Rs 40,000 for other expenses and savings. Your desire to retire at 60 with a savings of Rs 3 crores is a commendable goal and quite achievable with proper planning and disciplined investments.

Budgeting and Expense Management
With your current income and EMI obligations, it's important to manage your remaining Rs 40,000 wisely. Start by tracking your monthly expenses to identify areas where you can cut costs. This will help you allocate more funds towards your savings and investments. Aim to save at least 20% of your income after EMIs and essential expenses. This means setting aside Rs 16,000 monthly for your future.

Debt Management
Paying off your debts should be a priority. Your home loan is a good debt as it’s an appreciating asset. However, the personal loan typically has a higher interest rate and should be cleared as soon as possible. Consider using any bonus or extra income to pay down your personal loan faster. This will free up additional funds for savings and investments.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Before diving into investments, ensure you have an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 months of your living expenses, including EMI payments. With your current situation, an emergency fund of around Rs 2.4 lakhs would be ideal. This will provide a financial cushion in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.

Understanding Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are an excellent investment avenue for long-term wealth creation. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns compared to traditional savings options. Here's a brief overview of different mutual fund categories:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risks. These funds are suitable for long-term goals like retirement. They can be further classified into large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap funds based on the market capitalization of the stocks they invest in.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds, government securities, and corporate debt. They are relatively safer than equity funds and provide steady returns. These funds are suitable for short-term goals and for balancing the risk in your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They offer a balance between risk and return and are suitable for medium to long-term goals. They are ideal for investors seeking moderate risk with potential for reasonable returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are those where fund managers actively select and manage the fund’s investments. These funds aim to outperform the market and provide higher returns compared to passively managed funds like index funds. Here are some benefits:

Professional Expertise: Fund managers use their expertise and research to select high-performing stocks and securities.

Potential for Higher Returns: Active management can potentially lead to higher returns as fund managers aim to beat the market.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, helping to manage risks and seize opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, which track a specific index, are passively managed. While they have lower expense ratios, they come with certain disadvantages:

Limited Returns: Index funds are designed to match the market, not beat it. This limits the potential for higher returns.

No Flexibility: Index funds cannot adjust their holdings based on market conditions. They are bound to the index they track.

Market Risk: Since index funds replicate the market, they are fully exposed to market downturns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Investing in regular funds through a certified financial planner (CFP) offers several advantages over direct funds:

Expert Guidance: CFPs provide valuable advice and help you make informed decisions based on your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Convenience: CFPs handle the paperwork and administrative tasks, making the investment process smoother and hassle-free.

Holistic Financial Planning: CFPs offer a comprehensive approach, considering all aspects of your financial life, not just investments.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is the process where your investment earnings generate their own earnings. Over time, this can lead to exponential growth of your investments. Starting early and staying invested for the long term are key to harnessing the power of compounding. By consistently investing a portion of your income, you can accumulate significant wealth over time.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning involves estimating your future expenses and creating a savings plan to meet those needs. Considering your goal of Rs 3 crores at 60, you need a disciplined investment strategy. Assuming you have 31 years until retirement, starting early and investing regularly is crucial.

Investment Strategy
Based on your goals and risk tolerance, a balanced portfolio of equity and debt funds is recommended. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity Funds: 70% of your portfolio. This includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification and growth potential.

Debt Funds: 30% of your portfolio. This includes short-term and medium-term debt funds for stability and steady returns.

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your changing financial goals and market conditions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This helps in disciplined investing and averaging out the cost of investments over time. Start a SIP with the amount you can comfortably set aside each month. As your income grows, increase your SIP contributions to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is essential for financial security. Ensure you have a term insurance policy with a sum assured that covers your family’s future needs. Additionally, health insurance is crucial to cover medical expenses and protect your savings.

Tax Planning
Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C and other provisions to reduce your taxable income. Equity-linked savings schemes (ELSS), Public Provident Fund (PPF), and National Pension System (NPS) are good options. Efficient tax planning will help you save more and invest towards your retirement goal.

Monitoring and Review
Regularly monitor your investments and review your financial plan. This helps ensure you stay on track towards your retirement goal. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and life changes like income growth, marriage, or having children.

Final Insights
Your goal to retire with Rs 3 crores is achievable with disciplined planning and investing. Start by managing your debts, building an emergency fund, and allocating your savings wisely. Invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds, leveraging the power of compounding through SIPs. Regularly review your financial plan and make adjustments as needed. Remember, the key to financial success is consistency, discipline, and informed decision-making.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 48 years old. I owe a small house and a car without any loan. My monthly income is 50 thousand per month. Daughter is pursuing Graduation and son in 8th standard. I am having medi claim, and 50 lakh term plan. Fixed deposits ( Bank and Post office). Worth Rs 40 lakh. My monthly expenses is parallel to my income. No extra source of income. Want to retire by 55 . Not having high dreams need 50 thousand per month after retirement through my savings. Pls guide
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
At 48, planning for retirement by 55 is prudent. You have a small house, a car, and no loans. Your monthly income is Rs 50,000, with equivalent expenses. You have Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits, a term plan of Rs 50 lakh, and medical insurance. Your financial planning should ensure a stable post-retirement income.

Retirement Corpus Estimation
To achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, you need a substantial retirement corpus. Assuming a retirement duration of 20 years and considering inflation, a rough estimate is Rs 1.5 crore to Rs 2 crore.

Current Investments and Gaps
Your Rs 40 lakh in fixed deposits is a good start. However, you need to build additional corpus to meet your retirement goals. Diversifying investments beyond fixed deposits can yield better returns.

Recommended Investment Strategy
1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Regular Contributions: Start SIPs in mutual funds. Invest a portion of your income regularly. This can build a significant corpus over time.
Equity Funds: Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Equity funds can offer higher returns over the long term.
2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Tax Benefits: PPF offers tax benefits under Section 80C. The interest earned is tax-free.
Long-Term Safety: PPF is a government-backed scheme, providing safety and stable returns.
3. National Pension System (NPS):

Additional Retirement Savings: NPS is designed for retirement savings. It offers tax benefits and market-linked returns.
Systematic Contributions: Contribute regularly to build a substantial retirement corpus.
4. Balanced Approach:

Diversification: Balance your investments between equity, debt, and fixed income. This helps manage risk and ensures steady growth.
Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. Adjust based on performance and changing financial goals.
Managing Monthly Expenses
1. Budgeting:

Track Expenses: Monitor your monthly expenses. Identify areas to reduce unnecessary spending.
Allocate Savings: Direct a portion of your income towards savings and investments. This ensures disciplined financial planning.
2. Emergency Fund:

Liquidity: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides financial security during unforeseen circumstances.
Accessibility: Keep this fund in a liquid or easily accessible form, like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.
Insurance Coverage
1. Adequate Term Plan:

Coverage: Ensure your term plan coverage is adequate to support your family's financial needs in your absence. Rs 50 lakh coverage is good but assess if it needs enhancement.
2. Medical Insurance:

Comprehensive Coverage: Ensure your medical insurance provides comprehensive coverage. Review and upgrade if necessary to cover future medical expenses.
Final Insights
To retire by 55 and achieve Rs 50,000 per month post-retirement, start with disciplined savings and diversified investments. SIPs in mutual funds, contributions to PPF, and NPS can help build a substantial corpus. Maintain an emergency fund and review insurance coverage. Periodically monitor and adjust your investments. A balanced approach ensures financial stability and growth, aligning with your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 now and I want to retire at the age of 56 and my monthly expenditure is 40000PM and i have two daughters presently studying in 10th and 11th class. below mentioned financial situation please suggest me way forward on how can manage to retire or better my situation I have a 1Cr in Bank FD 12 lacs inequity ( invested 8lacs in 2021) PF as of today its accumulated to 25 lacs i am doing SIP worth rs6000 from2011 in different funds which is worth around 15 lacs now recently from feb2024 I stared doing 50000 thousands monthly SIP just last month i invested 12 lacs in hybrid mutual funds I had a house loan which is cleared now and besides this i have medical insurance which i pay 54000 for the complete family Per anum and Term insurance for which i pay 51000 PA
Ans: You are 50 years old, with a goal to retire at 56. Your monthly expenditure is Rs 40,000, and you have two daughters currently studying in 10th and 11th standards, who will require financial support for their education.

Your current financial assets include:

Rs 1 crore in Bank FD
Rs 12 lakhs in equity (invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021)
Rs 25 lakhs accumulated in PF
Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs (since 2011)
Rs 50,000 monthly SIP (started from February 2024)
Rs 12 lakhs invested in hybrid mutual funds recently
Medical insurance costing Rs 54,000 PA for your family
Term insurance with an annual premium of Rs 51,000
House loan already cleared
I appreciate the strong foundation you have built with substantial savings and clear financial goals. Let's explore the way forward to optimise your retirement strategy and secure your financial future.

Step 1: Assessing Your Monthly Needs After Retirement
You need Rs 40,000 per month for your current expenses. However, this amount will likely increase due to inflation over the next six years until retirement. Let’s assume an inflation rate of 6%, which is typical in India. This means your monthly expenditure may rise to around Rs 57,000-60,000 by the time you retire.

Since you aim to retire in 6 years, the goal will be to create a financial plan that allows you to cover these rising expenses comfortably after retirement. We also need to consider the potential education expenses for your daughters in the near future, which will add another layer to your financial planning.

Step 2: Evaluating Your Current Investments
Bank FD (Rs 1 crore): While FDs offer safety, they have low returns. In the long run, they barely beat inflation. You should look at moving part of this into more growth-oriented options, like mutual funds, that can give you inflation-beating returns.

Equity Investments (Rs 12 lakhs): The equity market is an essential part of your portfolio, but given that you have invested Rs 8 lakhs in 2021, the returns may be volatile in the short term. However, staying invested in good-quality actively managed mutual funds can yield higher returns over time. Equity exposure is crucial to grow your wealth, especially given the inflationary pressures.

PF (Rs 25 lakhs): Provident Fund is a long-term wealth-building instrument with the benefit of compounding. It provides a decent rate of return and safety. This will form a significant part of your retirement corpus. You should continue contributing to this.

SIPs (Rs 15 lakhs and Rs 50,000/month): Your SIPs are excellent long-term wealth builders. Since you are already committed to Rs 50,000 monthly SIPs, you are on the right path to generating good returns. SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds will help you stay ahead of inflation over time.

Hybrid Mutual Fund (Rs 12 lakhs): Hybrid funds offer a balanced mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability. They can be useful as you approach retirement, but their equity exposure should be closely monitored.

Step 3: Optimising Insurance
Medical Insurance (Rs 54,000/year): You have medical insurance in place, which is essential for covering health-related risks. Ensure that the coverage is sufficient for your entire family. Given the rising healthcare costs, consider reviewing the sum assured and increasing it if needed.

Term Insurance (Rs 51,000/year): Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your family in case of unforeseen events. It’s good to have this in place. You may not need it post-retirement, so review it closer to retirement age.

Step 4: Prioritising Your Daughters' Education
Your daughters will soon enter college, and their higher education will be a significant financial commitment. It’s wise to set aside a portion of your investments to meet these expenses. Given their ages (10th and 11th standard), you can expect to incur these costs within the next 1-3 years. Consider earmarking part of your Bank FD or hybrid mutual fund investment for their education.

The Rs 1 crore FD could be partially redirected towards a safer option, like debt mutual funds or hybrid funds, to provide liquidity for education expenses without sacrificing growth entirely.

Step 5: Managing Post-Retirement Income
To ensure a steady flow of income post-retirement, let’s look at how your current portfolio can be structured to meet your monthly needs:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments to provide a regular income. This way, you can withdraw a fixed amount every month, while the remaining capital stays invested and continues to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: As you approach retirement, you should gradually reduce exposure to high-risk equity and shift to a balanced portfolio. A mix of 40% equity and 60% debt will give you stability and growth, ensuring that you meet your monthly expenses while still preserving your capital.

Continue with PF and SIP Contributions: Your Provident Fund and SIPs should remain untouched until retirement. Both provide long-term growth and tax benefits. Continue your SIPs as planned, and consider increasing the amount when possible to accelerate your retirement corpus.

Step 6: Plan for Rising Medical Costs
As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. Ensure that your medical insurance coverage is adequate. Review the current policy and look for options to increase the coverage if needed. A good health insurance policy will prevent you from dipping into your retirement savings for medical emergencies.

Step 7: Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Capital Gains Tax: When you withdraw from mutual funds, remember that equity mutual funds attract capital gains tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outgo.

Debt Fund Withdrawals: If you hold any debt funds, remember that both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab. Use these funds carefully to manage your tax liabilities post-retirement.

Step 8: Setting Up an Emergency Fund
It’s essential to keep some money aside as an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Since you have substantial assets, you can allocate part of your Bank FD towards this. The emergency fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of unforeseen expenses.

Step 9: Reassess Your Risk Profile
At 50, your risk tolerance may be lower than when you were younger. However, to maintain your lifestyle after retirement, some equity exposure is necessary to beat inflation. Work on balancing your portfolio so that it reflects your need for both growth and stability. Actively managed funds, as opposed to index funds, will give you more flexibility and potentially higher returns.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial base and are well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, a few strategic adjustments will help optimise your portfolio and secure your financial future:

Increase your equity exposure slightly while balancing it with debt to ensure growth and stability.

Plan for your daughters’ education by earmarking some of your FD or hybrid fund investments.

Consider SWP for post-retirement income, and set up a tax-efficient withdrawal strategy.

Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs.

Stay disciplined with your SIPs and continue contributing towards your PF to build a robust retirement corpus.

By carefully managing your existing assets and planning ahead for both education and retirement, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a secure post-retirement life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 10, 2024

Money
Hello expert, Iam 38 years old and the sole earner of my family living with my wife and 3 daughters (7y,4y,and 5 month).My monthly salary is 60k and a part time bussiness which gives 2.5 L per year .I have an outstanding home loan of Rs 16 L and its emi is 18 k per month.At the age of retirement i.e 60 I want 2 crore what shall i do for this plz suggest
Ans: At 38, you’re managing family needs with a steady income. Your primary goals include:

Repaying a Rs 16 lakh home loan with an 18k EMI.
Accumulating Rs 2 crore by age 60.
This will involve efficient savings, careful debt management, and the right investment strategies.

Monthly Income Breakdown and Savings Potential
Your monthly salary is Rs 60,000, with an additional Rs 20,833 from your part-time business, totaling Rs 80,833. Allocating funds wisely can boost your financial health. After your EMI and essential expenses, maximizing savings is crucial.

Let’s discuss steps to reach your Rs 2 crore goal.

Home Loan Strategy: Efficient Debt Reduction
Repaying your home loan faster will reduce interest costs and free up funds for your goal. Consider these options:

Extra Repayments: If you add any surplus income, even a small amount, towards the loan, you could shorten its term.
Refinancing for Lower Interest Rates: Look for lower-interest loan options to reduce your EMI or loan term.
Reducing your debt quickly can allow more focus on your investment goals.

Investment Strategy: Building the Rs 2 Crore Corpus
To reach Rs 2 crore in 22 years, consistent investment in equity mutual funds can offer long-term growth potential. Let’s examine a strategic investment approach:

1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds. Actively managed funds generally deliver stronger returns than passive ones like index funds.
Regular investments in equity funds can help you build wealth over time. SIPs spread your investment, reducing market timing risks and helping accumulate a robust corpus over years.
2. Debt Fund Allocation
As you approach retirement, having a portion in debt funds will reduce market exposure.
Debt funds provide stability, though returns are typically lower than equity funds.
Remember, gains from debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.
3. Balancing Between Equity and Debt
A balance of 70% in equity and 30% in debt can provide an optimal mix of growth and security.
Gradually shift from equity to debt as you near retirement. This strategy helps secure gains while limiting exposure to market volatility.
Mutual Funds: Prefer Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Certified Financial Planner (CFP) Advice: With regular funds, you benefit from guidance by CFPs who understand your risk tolerance and goals.
Regular Monitoring: Certified advisors provide ongoing management, which direct funds lack. Direct funds may be cheaper but require expertise in fund selection and tracking.
Insurance Planning: Securing Your Family’s Future
As the sole earner, ensuring adequate life insurance is essential. Here’s what to consider:

Term Insurance: Term plans offer high coverage at low premiums and provide financial security to your family.
Health Insurance: A family floater health policy will protect against medical expenses. Coverage should be sufficient for major illnesses, ensuring your family is secure in any emergencies.
These policies safeguard your savings and investments from unforeseen events.

Emergency Fund: Essential for Stability
Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of expenses, including EMIs. This fund will be crucial for unexpected expenses, ensuring you don’t have to dip into investments or take on debt in emergencies.

Children’s Future and Education Planning
With three young daughters, you may have education and other milestone expenses in the future. Consider these strategies:

Separate SIP for Education: Start a modest SIP dedicated to your daughters’ education. Compounded over time, this fund can be a substantial asset for their higher education or other needs.
Government Schemes: Certain schemes offer good returns with capital protection, ideal for education planning. Check eligibility based on investment goals and risk appetite.
Tax Efficiency: Minimizing Liabilities
Tax efficiency plays a significant role in your financial growth. Here’s how to optimize taxes:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Plan redemptions based on your goals and tax obligations.
Debt Funds and Other Investments: Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab. Consult a tax advisor to maximize after-tax returns.
Final Insights
Following these steps can help you build a strong financial foundation:

Focus on building a disciplined investment routine.
Gradually shift to a more conservative asset mix as you approach retirement.
Ensure adequate insurance coverage and maintain an emergency fund.
Consider professional guidance for long-term strategies and efficient tax planning.
With consistent efforts, disciplined investing, and clear planning, achieving your Rs 2 crore goal by age 60 is within reach. If you’d like more personalized advice, connecting with a Certified Financial Planner may be beneficial.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

Hope this helps

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4048 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ' Careers | Health | Money | Relationship'.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x