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64-Year-Old With Low Savings Needs Advice on Son's Wedding Expenses

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |917 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2025Hindi
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Money

I am 64. Only saving of 25 lakh in Mutual fund, which I started in June 2024. Mutual fund is low.Now only pension of 30K. Need about 15 lakh for son marriage. Any advice?

Ans: Hello;

Ideally your son should bear his marriage expenses on his own.

You may seek loan against mf holdings and ask your son to repay the loan.

Another way out could be you convince the couple for a court marriage and gift them 15 L from your MF holding.

This way atleast money will remain with the family.

You know better so you may decide as appropriate.

Also you may invest in hybrid funds with lower allocation to equity for eg. Equity savings type mutual funds.

Best wishes;
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Money
I am 45 years my name is U K Singh I have MF of 2000000 and SIP of 6500/ Month PPF Value 1500000 NPS Value 500000 by monthly contribution of 5K FD of 2000000 NSC of 1000000 My wife is also 45 years Her MF Value is of 500000 PPF Value 2100000 NPS Value 500000 by monthly contribution of 5K FD of 500000 3 Plots of 1 Cr My current monthly expenses are 30K. For my son’s medical education from 2029 to 2034 I will need money and for our retirement phase we will need money. Please suggest what we have to do
Ans: Your current investments are well-diversified across various instruments. These include mutual funds (MF), Public Provident Fund (PPF), National Pension System (NPS), Fixed Deposits (FD), and National Savings Certificates (NSC). Additionally, you have significant investments in real estate through plots.

You and your wife both have substantial PPF and NPS investments, which is a good strategy for long-term savings and tax benefits. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 30,000, and you will need funds for your son's medical education from 2029 to 2034 and for your retirement.


Your diversified portfolio shows a good understanding of risk management. The regular contributions to NPS and PPF are commendable as they offer long-term benefits. Your investment discipline is evident from your systematic investment plans (SIPs) and regular savings.

Understanding Your Goals
Let's break down your financial goals into two primary categories:

Funding Your Son's Medical Education (2029-2034)

Retirement Planning

Funding Your Son's Medical Education
Your son's education is a short to medium-term goal. To meet this goal, you need to ensure liquidity and safety of principal.

Recommendations:

Continue Your SIPs: Keep your SIPs in mutual funds going. These will help accumulate a significant corpus over time.

Allocate a Separate Fund for Education: Consider creating a separate investment portfolio for your son's education. You could increase your SIP amount or start a new SIP specifically for this goal.

Invest in Debt Funds: Given the shorter time frame, consider debt mutual funds. They offer better returns than FDs and are more tax-efficient.

Recurring Deposits (RDs): RDs can also be considered for medium-term goals. They are safe and offer guaranteed returns.

Partial Withdrawal from PPF: Since your PPF accounts have substantial balances, you can consider partial withdrawals when required. PPF allows withdrawals after the 7th year.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning is a long-term goal, and you need to ensure a steady income post-retirement.

Recommendations:

Increase SIP Contributions: If possible, increase your SIP contributions. Equity mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals due to their potential for higher returns.

Balanced Funds: Consider balanced or hybrid funds. These invest in both equity and debt instruments, providing a balance of growth and safety.

Review NPS Contributions: Your NPS contributions are excellent for retirement planning. Ensure that you and your wife continue contributing Rs. 5,000 monthly.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Post-retirement, use SWP from your mutual funds for regular income. SWPs provide a steady income stream and are tax-efficient.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Medical emergencies can significantly impact your savings.

Evaluation of Current Investments
Mutual Funds (MF):

Your MF investments are Rs. 2,000,000 and Rs. 500,000 respectively. Continue these investments and consider increasing your SIPs if possible.
PPF:

Your PPF values are Rs. 1,500,000 and Rs. 2,100,000. PPF is an excellent long-term investment. Avoid withdrawing unless necessary.
NPS:

Both you and your wife have Rs. 500,000 in NPS with monthly contributions of Rs. 5,000. This is a good strategy for retirement savings.
FDs and NSCs:

FDs (Rs. 2,000,000 and Rs. 500,000) and NSCs (Rs. 1,000,000) are safe but offer lower returns. Consider shifting a portion to higher-yielding instruments like debt mutual funds or balanced funds.
Real Estate:

Your three plots valued at Rs. 1 crore are a significant investment. Real estate is illiquid, so avoid relying on it for immediate needs.

We understand the importance of securing your son's future and ensuring a comfortable retirement. Your careful planning and disciplined approach are commendable. Balancing current expenses, future education costs, and retirement savings can be challenging. However, with a structured approach, you can achieve your goals.

Adjusting Your Portfolio
Increase Equity Exposure:

For long-term goals like retirement, increasing equity exposure is advisable. Equity has the potential for higher returns, which can significantly enhance your retirement corpus.
Debt Allocation:

For your son's education, focus more on debt instruments to ensure safety and liquidity. Debt mutual funds, RDs, and PPF withdrawals can be effective.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be in liquid instruments like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.
Regular Review and Rebalancing
It's crucial to regularly review your portfolio and make necessary adjustments. Market conditions, interest rates, and personal circumstances change over time. Regular reviews ensure that your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Rebalancing Strategy:

Review your asset allocation annually. If equity markets perform well, your equity allocation may exceed your target. In such cases, consider shifting some funds to debt instruments.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid Over-Reliance on Fixed Deposits:

While FDs are safe, their returns are often lower than inflation. Over-reliance on FDs can erode your purchasing power over time.
Diversify Within Mutual Funds:

Don't concentrate all your mutual fund investments in one category. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.
Avoid High-Cost Insurance Products:

Avoid insurance products with high premiums and low returns. Focus on pure term insurance for adequate coverage and invest the rest in mutual funds.
Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your returns. Utilize all available tax-saving instruments.

PPF and NPS:

Both PPF and NPS provide tax benefits under Section 80C and Section 80CCD respectively. Maximize these contributions for tax savings.
Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds held for more than one year qualify for long-term capital gains tax at 10% for gains exceeding Rs. 1 lakh.
Health Insurance:

Premiums paid for health insurance qualify for deductions under Section 80D.
Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to savings and investments is praiseworthy. By fine-tuning your portfolio and aligning it with your goals, you can ensure financial security for your family. Focus on increasing your equity exposure for long-term goals and maintaining liquidity for short-term needs. Regular reviews and rebalancing will keep your investments on track.

Planning for your son's education and your retirement simultaneously is challenging but achievable with a structured plan. Continue your disciplined investment approach, and you will be well-prepared for both.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

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Money
I am 61 years and retired from central government. Getting 48000 and 30000 as pension and rent. All my retirement benefits are exhausted on building of house and education loan. I need 5000000 fifty lakhs in seven years. What i should do. This amoint to be given to my son and what way i accummulate.
Ans: I appreciate your commitment to helping your son. Let's explore ways to accumulate Rs 50 lakhs in seven years.

Evaluate Current Income and Expenses

Track your monthly income of Rs 78,000. Prioritise your essential expenses and find areas to save.

Create an Investment Plan

Consider investing in mutual funds. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds, especially in volatile markets.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are handled by expert fund managers. They can adapt strategies based on market conditions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start a SIP to invest regularly. This helps in averaging costs and reduces market risk.

Consider Balanced Funds

Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. This provides growth and stability.

Emergency Fund

Set aside a small amount each month for emergencies. This ensures financial security without touching investments.

Avoid Real Estate and Annuities

Real estate can be illiquid and risky. Annuities often have high fees and low returns.

Seek Professional Advice

Consult a Certified Financial Planner. They can tailor a plan to help you achieve your goal.

Stay Committed and Review Regularly

Monitor your investments and make adjustments if needed. Stay focused on your goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I earn Rs 20000/- PM. 30 years, unmarried, with no burden, and owning a house. Only son. I have invested almost all the money I have earned in savings like PPF & SIP for the last seven years. Kindly advise me on future financial planning as I am getting married soon.
Ans: Your current financial situation is stable and disciplined. At 30 years old, you earn Rs. 20,000 per month, and you have been consistently saving and investing for the past seven years. Your focus on long-term savings instruments like PPF and SIPs shows good financial discipline. You also own a house, which provides you with a strong asset base.

As you approach marriage, it’s important to revisit your financial plan to accommodate future responsibilities and goals.

Future Financial Planning
1. Budgeting for Your New Phase of Life

Marriage brings additional financial responsibilities. You will need to manage household expenses, savings, and possibly future children's education.

Review Current Expenses: Understand your current spending patterns and identify areas where you can save more.

Plan for Household Expenses: Create a budget that includes shared expenses, such as groceries, utilities, and rent/mortgage (if applicable).

Set Aside Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be kept in a liquid, easily accessible account.

Discuss Finances with Your Partner: Have open discussions with your future spouse about financial goals, budgeting, and spending habits. This will help in setting common goals and avoiding financial stress.

2. Re-evaluating Your Investment Strategy

Your investment strategy should align with your new life stage and goals.

Diversify Your Investments: While you have invested in PPF and SIPs, consider diversifying into other asset classes, such as debt funds or gold ETFs, to balance risk and returns.

Review SIPs: Assess your existing SIPs to ensure they align with your long-term goals. Consider increasing your SIP contributions if possible.

Avoid Over-Concentration in One Asset Class: It's good to have a mix of investments. Too much concentration in one asset class can expose you to higher risks.

3. Insurance Planning

With marriage, your responsibilities increase, and so should your insurance coverage.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for both you and your spouse. This will protect you from unexpected medical expenses.

Life Insurance: Consider getting a term life insurance policy to secure your family’s financial future in case of any unforeseen events. The coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Evaluate Existing Policies: If you already have insurance policies, review them to ensure they provide adequate coverage for your new responsibilities.

4. Planning for Future Goals

Your financial goals may include buying a car, planning for children’s education, or saving for retirement.

Set Short-Term and Long-Term Goals: Define your goals clearly and prioritize them. For example, if buying a car is a priority, allocate funds accordingly.

Children’s Education: Start planning early for children’s education by investing in child-specific mutual funds or education plans. This will help you build a corpus over time.

Retirement Planning: Even though retirement may seem far away, it’s important to start early. Continue contributing to your PPF and consider adding more retirement-focused investments like EPF or NPS.

5. Tax Planning

Maximize your tax savings by making use of available exemptions and deductions.

Section 80C Deductions: Continue investing in PPF, ELSS, and other tax-saving instruments under Section 80C. These investments not only save tax but also build wealth over time.

Health Insurance Deduction: Premiums paid for health insurance can be claimed under Section 80D.

Home Loan Interest: If you have taken a home loan, the interest paid can be claimed under Section 24(b) for tax deductions.

6. Estate Planning

Estate planning ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Create a Will: Draft a will to ensure your assets are passed on to your loved ones as per your wishes. This will prevent any legal disputes in the future.

Nominate Beneficiaries: Ensure that all your investments, bank accounts, and insurance policies have nominated beneficiaries. This makes it easier for your family to access these assets.

7. Contingency Planning

Plan for unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.

Increase Emergency Fund: As your responsibilities grow, consider increasing your emergency fund to cover 12 months of expenses.

Invest in Liquid Assets: Keep some of your investments in liquid assets that can be quickly accessed during emergencies.

Final Insights
You are entering an exciting new phase of life, and your disciplined approach to savings and investment will serve you well. As you prepare for marriage, it’s important to reassess your financial strategy to ensure it aligns with your new responsibilities and goals.

Balancing between enjoying life and planning for the future is key. Continue your habit of regular savings and disciplined investing, and make sure to review and adjust your plan as your life evolves.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

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