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Retired Senior Citizen with 2 Cr. Corpus Seeking Investment Advice – Where Should I invest My Retirement Funds?

Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 60 and retired with a corpus around 2 cr. I want to invest in MFs. Suggest me please how much in which portfolios are better for after retirement secured investments?

Ans: Hello & thanks for writing to me.

With your corpus of Rs.2 Crore with which you do not want to undue risks, you can consider investing in a mix of arbitrage funds & debt funds which can offer you stability and returns. If you are apportioning your investments with one part kept aside for income generation & another for capital appreciation, you can set aside 1.5 Crore in safer funds like arbitrage & gilt funds, with the other Rs.50 Lakh in a combination of a balanced advantage fund or a multi asset fund and an equity fund.

Note that my recommendations are assuming that you will use the Rs.2 Crore corpus for your day to day expenses. If you give me other information, I may give you other recommendations.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 10, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi experts, I'm 45 years and starting my MF investment journey, I've selected the below MFs to invest in from a view for my Retirement Planning, If I intend to build a corpus of 5 Cr by 60 yrs, are these the right MFs to go with, or do you suggest swapping these for any better ones, kindly suggest. Also how much amount should I invest lumpsum and via SIPs in these? Thank You !! HDFC Retirement Savings Fund - Equity Plan - G 15yrs(lockin 5 years) Edelwiess Mid Cap Fund - G 12 yrs DSP Health Care Fund - G 10 yrs Bandhan Nifty Alpha 50 Index Fund - G 8 yrs ICICI Pru. Equity & Debt Fund - G - 6 yrs Kotak Low Duration 2 yrs
Ans: It’s good to see you starting your mutual fund investment journey. Planning for a retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore by the age of 60 is a significant goal. I appreciate that you are focusing on long-term investments. However, I have noticed some areas that need reevaluation for optimal results. Let’s go through your choices step by step.

Mutual Fund Selection Review

HDFC Retirement Savings Fund - Equity Plan - G (15 years with a 5-year lock-in)

You have chosen a retirement savings fund with an equity plan. While equity-focused funds are good for long-term growth, having a 5-year lock-in could restrict your ability to make timely adjustments.

Actively managed equity funds tend to perform better compared to index funds like Nifty Alpha. A Certified Financial Planner would typically suggest reviewing the overall portfolio performance frequently to ensure alignment with your goals.

Retirement funds with a lock-in period are less flexible. You might need more flexibility as you approach retirement to rebalance your portfolio.

Consider replacing this with an actively managed diversified equity fund. This will give better flexibility and professional management oversight.

Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund - G (12 years)

Mid-cap funds are great for higher returns, but they also come with higher risks. They can be volatile over the short to medium term. However, given your 12-year horizon, they could add value to your portfolio.

Actively managed mid-cap funds perform better over time, and choosing regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner will give you access to professional guidance. This ensures timely corrections based on market conditions.

It’s essential to keep an eye on market cycles. Mid-cap funds may take longer to recover during downturns, but an experienced professional managing your funds will handle that well.

DSP Health Care Fund - G (10 years)

Sectoral funds, like healthcare funds, tend to be highly volatile and depend on the performance of one specific sector. While the healthcare sector has growth potential, this should not form a large part of your portfolio.

Sectoral funds should be considered as satellite investments, not core. Your core investment should focus on diversified equity funds.

Consider replacing this with a more diversified equity fund or even a flexi-cap fund for better balance. These funds are actively managed to adjust to market conditions and diversify risk.

Bandhan Nifty Alpha 50 Index Fund - G (8 years)

Index funds like the Nifty Alpha 50 Fund often lack the agility of actively managed funds. Their returns are capped to the performance of the index, and they may underperform in market downturns.

Actively managed funds with a strong track record can outperform index funds, especially in the Indian market, where active fund managers can capitalize on market inefficiencies.

Avoid index funds if you are looking for superior long-term performance. Actively managed funds are better suited to deliver higher returns over your investment horizon.

ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund - G (6 years)

Hybrid funds like the ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund offer a mix of equity and debt. These are suitable for moderate-risk investors, providing both growth and safety.

Over a 6-year period, this fund may offer stability, but for your long-term retirement goal, you may want to focus more on equity for higher returns.

You can keep a small portion of your portfolio in such funds for stability, but the majority should still be in equity to meet your Rs 5 crore goal.

Kotak Low Duration Fund (2 years)

A low-duration fund is designed for short-term goals, not long-term retirement planning. It offers stability but minimal growth.

This fund is not aligned with your 15-year goal. Instead, consider shifting this allocation to equity-focused funds for better growth over the long term.

Low-duration funds are ideal for emergency funds, not for retirement planning.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds like the Bandhan Nifty Alpha 50 only track a specific index. This limits their growth potential compared to actively managed funds.

During market downturns, index funds cannot protect or manage risks. Actively managed funds, however, can strategically adjust portfolios to safeguard investors.

Actively managed funds can capitalize on market inefficiencies. This is why Certified Financial Planners prefer them, especially in emerging markets like India.

SIP vs Lumpsum Investments

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): It allows you to invest consistently over time. This strategy helps you take advantage of market volatility by averaging the cost of buying units. For long-term goals like retirement, SIP is highly recommended.

Lumpsum Investment: This is suitable when you expect markets to rise consistently over time. However, markets fluctuate, and timing a lumpsum investment can be tricky. SIPs help avoid the risk of investing at the wrong time.

Given your 15-year horizon, a combination of SIP and a small lump sum could work well. SIPs provide discipline, while a lumpsum in the right equity funds could jumpstart your investments.

Amount to Invest

You are aiming for Rs 5 crore by the time you retire. To achieve this, you will need to consistently invest a significant amount each month. Start with a monthly SIP that aligns with your disposable income.

A Certified Financial Planner can help calculate the exact amount based on expected market returns, inflation, and risk tolerance. However, for now, focus on maintaining a steady investment habit.

Other Investment Strategies

Diversification: It’s essential to have a well-diversified portfolio across asset classes and sectors. Avoid putting too much into sectoral or index funds, as they increase risk without necessarily improving returns.

Asset Allocation: Keep the majority of your portfolio in equity funds for growth. As you near retirement, you can gradually shift to debt funds for stability and lower risk.

Reviewing Regularly: Your portfolio should be reviewed at least once a year. Market conditions change, and so do your financial goals. Actively managed funds, when handled by a professional, will be adjusted accordingly.

Certified Financial Planner’s Role: Having a Certified Financial Planner to guide your investments ensures that your portfolio stays on track. They monitor your funds, suggest corrections, and ensure that your investments are aligned with your long-term goals.

Tax Implications

Equity Funds: Gains from equity mutual funds are taxed differently based on the duration of your holding. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: If you invest in debt funds, remember that both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab. This could have a significant impact on your post-tax returns.

Final Insights

You are on the right track by focusing on mutual funds for retirement. However, I suggest shifting some of your current choices to more actively managed funds with a diversified approach.

Avoid sectoral and index funds as core investments. Focus on growth through equity funds, balancing risk with time and diversification.

SIPs are ideal for your long-term goal. Start with an amount that fits your financial capacity and review your progress regularly.

Consider working with a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track. They will ensure that your portfolio adapts to market conditions and your changing needs over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 11, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I'm 45 years and starting my MF investment journey, I've selected the below MFs to invest in from a view for my Retirement Planning, If I intend to build a corpus of 5 Cr by 60 yrs of age, are these the right MFs to go with, or do you suggest swapping these for any better ones, kindly suggest. Also can you pls suggest how much amount should I invest lumpsum and via SIPs in these? Thank You !! HDFC Retirement Savings Fund - Equity Plan - G 15yrs(lockin 5 years) Edelwiess Mid Cap Fund - G 12 yrs DSP Health Care Fund - G 10 yrs Bandhan Nifty Alpha 50 Index Fund - G 8 yrs ICICI Pru. Equity & Debt Fund - G - 6 yrs Kotak Low Duration 2 yrs
Ans: It's great to see that you're starting your investment journey at the age of 45. You have a well-thought-out goal of building a Rs. 5 crore corpus by the time you turn 60, and I appreciate the long-term perspective you've adopted.

Let’s dive into a detailed evaluation of the mutual funds you've selected and how they align with your retirement objective. I will also provide insights on how to balance your investments between lump sum and SIPs.

Portfolio Evaluation for Retirement Planning
HDFC Retirement Savings Fund - Equity Plan (15 Years, 5-Year Lock-In)

This fund provides a balanced approach to long-term equity growth with the added advantage of tax saving. However, since it has a five-year lock-in, it restricts flexibility.

Retirement-focused funds often come with higher charges, which may impact returns over the long term. You may want to explore alternatives that offer greater flexibility and lower costs.

It's important to understand that funds specifically marked for retirement often have restrictions on withdrawals, and while that helps you stay disciplined, other diversified equity funds can offer similar returns without the lock-in.

Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund (12 Years)

Mid-cap funds can offer strong growth potential. However, they come with higher volatility. Over a 12-year horizon, the performance can be impressive, but be prepared for periods of market swings.

You could include a diversified large- and mid-cap or flexi-cap fund to balance out the higher volatility associated with mid-caps. While mid-cap exposure is good for growth, diversification will add stability to your portfolio.

DSP Health Care Fund (10 Years)

Sectoral funds, such as healthcare, are typically more volatile and focused on specific sectors. Healthcare can be a long-term growth story, but it is subject to regulatory risks and industry-specific headwinds.

For retirement planning, a more diversified approach may yield better risk-adjusted returns. Instead of concentrating on a single sector, you may want to consider sector rotation or thematic funds that give exposure to broader growth themes.

Bandhan Nifty Alpha 50 Index Fund (8 Years)

Index funds, while low-cost, tend to deliver market-average returns. In this case, the Nifty Alpha 50 Index is based on stocks with strong alpha generation potential. However, index funds lack the active management that can help capture market opportunities and mitigate risks during downturns.

Actively managed funds, handled by experienced fund managers, can outperform during volatile markets and provide you with an opportunity for higher growth. While index funds are low-cost, you may not get the most out of your investment compared to an actively managed fund.

ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund (6 Years)

Hybrid funds like this one balance the risk between equity and debt. They provide a cushion during market corrections due to their debt component while also participating in equity market growth.

For a retirement portfolio, hybrid funds offer a safer route but may not deliver the aggressive growth needed for a Rs. 5 crore corpus in 15 years. These can complement your portfolio, but you may need more equity-focused funds to meet your target.

Kotak Low Duration Fund (2 Years)

Low-duration funds are primarily suited for short-term goals or as a safe parking space for funds. These funds are not ideal for long-term wealth creation due to their limited growth potential.

For retirement planning, equity exposure is essential for generating inflation-beating returns. This fund could be part of your debt allocation, but for a 15-year horizon, you should prioritize equity-heavy investments.

Recommendations for Building a Rs. 5 Crore Corpus
Based on your age and time horizon, achieving Rs. 5 crore in 15 years is a reasonable and attainable goal with the right mix of investments.

Diversification: While you’ve picked a few good funds, the portfolio can benefit from broader diversification. Rather than sector-specific or index funds, consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds for more balanced growth.

Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds often provide higher returns than index funds, particularly in the long term. Fund managers can capitalize on market fluctuations and opportunities that passive index funds cannot.

Flexibility in Retirement Funds: A retirement-focused fund with a lock-in period may limit your options. Consider funds that offer flexibility in withdrawals and fund switches for greater control over your retirement assets.

Balanced Portfolio: A good retirement portfolio should have both equity and debt components, but you should tilt more towards equity for growth in the initial years and gradually increase debt allocation as you approach retirement.

Lump Sum vs. SIP Investments
For retirement planning, the most effective way to invest is a combination of lump sum and SIPs. Here’s how I would recommend you allocate:

SIP Investments: Allocate a larger portion (around 75-80%) of your monthly savings towards systematic investment plans (SIPs). SIPs are great for rupee-cost averaging and help reduce the impact of market volatility over time. For example, if you can invest Rs. 40,000 per month, start SIPs in a diversified portfolio of equity and hybrid funds.

Lump Sum Investments: If you have any surplus funds, invest them in lump sum during market corrections or dips. Lump sum investments can be deployed in balanced hybrid funds to reduce the risk of market timing.

Taxation Considerations
Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

You should also regularly review your investments to ensure you stay on track with your tax-saving strategies.

Suggested Action Plan
Start with SIPs: Begin monthly SIPs in a mix of diversified equity and hybrid funds, focusing on long-term growth.

Use Lump Sum Wisely: Invest any windfall gains or bonus amounts as lump sum during market corrections. Consider parking the lump sum in liquid funds temporarily and then moving it to equity funds.

Monitor and Review: Keep track of your portfolio’s performance and make adjustments based on market conditions, your changing financial needs, and tax implications.

Finally
Your goal of building a Rs. 5 crore corpus is achievable with disciplined and regular investments. By focusing on the right funds, balancing between equity and debt, and leveraging the power of SIPs, you will be able to create a strong retirement corpus.

I encourage you to stay invested for the long term, be consistent, and review your portfolio periodically. A well-diversified portfolio with a greater focus on equity will help you reach your financial goals with ease.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nidhi

Nidhi Gupta  |200 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

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Hello, Myself Apurba ,43 Y male. Have no disease, weight 68 Kg, height 5.5". I have always been associated with sports. Recently I am preparing for 21 KM marathon. I run 35 KM in field in 07 days with 02 days off (5 days * 07 km average) . I have successfully completed 10 KM marathon recently. Many are objecting me to run these much to protect my knee joint, cartilage etc. But I don't feel any issue , rather I feel so energised although the day. Please let me know if I am harming my knee unknowingly. Please suggest any precautions to be followed so that I can take care of my joints and keep continuing my running. I also do light strength training in parallel with running.
Ans: Hello Rajib,
It is good to know that you are so fit overall.
At times yes excessive running can harm the soft tissues of the knees.
These are the precautions you may take:
1) Please ensure you are taking your Vit D3, Calcium and multivitamin supplements as prescribed
2) A good 10 minutes warm up before running and 10 minutes of cool down via stretches is a must
3) A gentle sesame oil massage around the knee and muscles connected to it is good to do once a week
4) Please ensure you do some form of core exercises. You may learn these from a trainer or physiotherapist. As when core is strong the impact on the knees is lesser.
5) Please keep yourself well hydrated especially during runs
If even the slightest pain comes up take adequate rest!
All the best to become fitter than ever before.
Warm regards,
Dr Nidhi Bajaj Gupta
www.merahkiwellness.com
Insta: merahki_holisticwellness

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

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Sir, My name is Ankit and i am 32 year old. Sir i invest 3000rupees per month for next 5 year in Axis max Nifty 500momentum 50 fund. Is it right to invest in this fund for a long time?
Ans: Your investment of Rs. 3,000 per month in Axis Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Fund for the next 5 years needs careful evaluation. Since you are 32 years old, your investment horizon can be long-term.

Let’s assess whether this fund is the right choice.

Understanding Your Investment
Fund Type: Index-based momentum fund

Investment Style: Follows momentum strategy within Nifty 500

Your SIP Amount: Rs. 3,000 per month

Investment Tenure: 5 years (as per your plan)

Your Age: 32 (long-term horizon possible)

Momentum funds invest in stocks that have recently shown strong performance. These funds can outperform in bullish phases but may underperform in volatile or bearish markets.

Is This Fund Suitable for Long-Term Investment?
1. Momentum Strategy is Cyclical
This fund invests in stocks that have performed well recently.

If market trends change, it may struggle to maintain returns.

Not ideal as a core long-term portfolio holding.

2. High Volatility and Risk
Momentum funds have higher risk than diversified equity funds.

In falling markets, momentum stocks drop sharply.

3. Index-Based Strategy Limits Flexibility
This fund is passively managed and cannot adjust based on market trends.

Actively managed funds can perform better in different cycles.

4. 5-Year Horizon is Short for Equity
Equity investments work best for 7+ years.

If you need money in 5 years, debt funds or balanced funds are better.

Better Approach for Your Investment
1. Diversify into Actively Managed Funds
Instead of relying on a single index-based momentum fund, diversify.

Large & multi-cap funds can provide stability with growth.

Mid-cap & flexi-cap funds can generate higher returns with controlled risk.

2. Extend Investment Horizon
Instead of stopping after 5 years, consider SIP for 10+ years.

Equity needs long duration to generate wealth.

3. Review and Rebalance Annually
If fund performance is inconsistent, shift to a better option.

Avoid locking yourself into one strategy for too long.

Final Insights
Axis Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Fund is not ideal as a standalone long-term investment.

Momentum strategy works in bull markets but struggles in volatility.

Instead of investing in only one fund, diversify into actively managed funds.

If your horizon is just 5 years, equity funds carry risk. Debt or hybrid funds can be better.

Review your goals and adjust your investment accordingly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2025Hindi
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Hi, I am 47. want to start monthly SIP of Rs 50,000. I am not a risk taker and happy with 12-15% annual return. Can you please suggest best plans & combinations.
Ans: You want to invest Rs. 50,000 per month through SIP. You prefer lower risk and expect 12-15% annual returns.

A structured mutual fund portfolio can help balance risk and returns.

Understanding Your Investment Profile
Age: 47 years

Risk Tolerance: Low (not a risk taker)

Return Expectation: 12-15% annually

Investment Horizon: Long-term SIP (10+ years)

Preferred Investment Mode: Monthly SIP of Rs. 50,000

Your return expectation suggests a mix of equity and debt. But low risk means avoiding pure small-cap or mid-cap funds.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 50,000 per Month)
A 60:40 equity-to-debt ratio is ideal for your risk level.

Equity Mutual Funds – Rs. 30,000 (60%)
Large & Multi-Cap Funds (Rs. 20,000): Stability with growth potential

Sectoral or Thematic Funds (Rs. 10,000): Targeted growth in strong industries

Debt Mutual Funds – Rs. 20,000 (40%)
Corporate Bond or Dynamic Bond Funds (Rs. 15,000): Lower volatility, predictable returns

Short-Term Debt Funds (Rs. 5,000): For liquidity and lower risk

Why This Allocation?
Large & Multi-Cap Funds reduce risk while capturing market growth.

Debt Funds provide stability and lower market-linked volatility.

Sectoral Funds add controlled growth exposure.

This balance can help achieve your 12-15% return expectation.

Additional Considerations
1. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Future Income
After 10-15 years, convert part of equity into SWP for regular income.

Ensure withdrawals are tax-efficient.

2. Portfolio Review Every Year
Check fund performance annually.

Rebalance if required to maintain risk balance.

3. Tax Efficiency
Equity Gains: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Debt Gains: Taxed as per your income slab.

Final Insights
A mix of equity and debt reduces risk while achieving your return goals.

Large & multi-cap funds provide stability, and debt funds add safety.

Annual reviews help adjust strategy as per market conditions.

SWP after 10+ years can convert SIPs into passive income.

This plan aligns with your risk profile and expected returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |569 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2025Hindi
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I am in relationship with a girl for 6 year but now her parents almost fix her arrange marriage and they dont care about her choice they didnot even consider her opinion about the boy they met ..except her everyone in family like the boy because he is rich and handling his father business and here i am i dont have job i am preparing for government job i asked her family please give me some time i,ll get the job this year but they say we cant agree for the possibility of you getting job or not and her mother say we dont allow intercaste marriage i am sc and she is general and pandit .. i am 26year old what should i do .. i think ab uske parents jada jaldi krre hai shadi k loye because unhone merse baat krli to unko dhr hai ki m kuch esa vsa na krdu jisse unki society me respect vghra ko khtra hoga isliye or vo jada rishtedaro ki sunre hai... mne apni gf ko bola hai ki filhal jb tk job nhi lgti meri tb tk unhe boldo ki mere sath ab kuch nhi h that she blocks me or vo apni side se tb tk rishtey ko mna krti rhe pr uske ghr vale uska opinion about boy consider hi ni krre hai jo unke rishtedaro ne discuss krliya ladka thik h to unhone usko haan boldi ... mujhe kya krna chaiye...her parents do all emotional blackmail to her as today they even touched her feet and said hme pta h tere liye kya shi h hmne tko pala h kuch bhi esa nhi krdio jisse hmari ijat khrab hojaye m pagal hojaunga
Ans: The real question here is not just about her parents—it's about her. If she truly wants to be with you, she needs to resist this marriage and make it clear that she does not consent. But if she is unable to stand up to them, then you need to ask yourself if you want to keep fighting for someone who is not fighting alongside you. Love is powerful, but it cannot survive if only one person is struggling to keep it alive.

Right now, you need to have an honest conversation with her. Ask her directly if she is ready to resist or if she is feeling too pressured to fight back. If she wants to be with you but is feeling trapped, you both need to find a way to delay or stop this marriage. But if she is already giving in to their pressure, then you need to start preparing yourself for the painful truth that she may not choose you in the end.

At the same time, focus on your own stability. Your career is not just about proving her family wrong—it is about securing your future and self-worth. No matter what happens with this relationship, you need to build a life where no one can ever make you feel like you are not good enough again. It is not easy to walk away from love, but sometimes, choosing yourself is the only way forward.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |569 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

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Hi ma'am my relationship with my parents r getting sour since a very long time they always want me to do everything that makes them happy and think about their happiness if I think about my happiness they will start fighting with me nd my parents never supported me for anything in my life till today my dad has always said that if she will ever think about her happiness then I'm gonna leave everything nd go nd so does my mom she also threatened me to cut ties with me even I do everything still they taunt me every day that I can't do anything in life my parents never support me they never ask me who I wanna get married to who I'll b happy with what I wanna work what is my goals ngt but it's always about them my grandmother stays 15kms away from my house she has 3 kids and all r well settled but her 2 daughters had a love marriage one to a muslim nd one to a hindu when they were about to get married my mom didn't even raised her voice or opposed that marriage her one daughter ran nd got married to her bf who is a hindu at that tym also my mom nd dad nd my grandmother didn't even say a word nd during Covid 2020 my grandmother got her 2nd daughter married with her bf who is a muslim without informing any of our relatives when I fell in love with a hindu guy my mom separated me from him and she is telling everyone to brainwash me to leave the person I love nd get married to a Christian guy when ever we go to my grandmother's house my mom always start a fight with me we went there for 3 times and all the 3 times she started fighting with me my mom always support my grandmother's children if anything happens to them she will call them 10 tyms and ask how they are when my grandmother was ill treating me my mom didn't even raise her voice nd didn't even take a stand for myself but she was watching everything as a movie is going on when I was crying after we came back to my house my mom didn't even ask me what am I going through when she was seeing me cry everyday she always support my grandmother who did bad with me if they will say not to let her work my mom will listen to her nd her daughters but she will never listen to me and my grandmother started forcing me to get married to a Christian guy nd i should also listen to her nd not to think about my happiness nd what makes me happy in life what should I do I'm completely shattered ma'am nd i don't have anyone to share my pain with even if I do they will support my parents only bcoz of all this I'm not able to concentrate on anything at all
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
Right now, your emotions are tangled in hurt, anger, and helplessness, but you are not powerless. The first thing you need to do is detach emotionally from their guilt-tripping. You cannot live your entire life trying to please people who refuse to acknowledge your needs. It’s okay to love and respect your parents, but not at the cost of losing yourself.

Start setting boundaries, even if it feels impossible at first. If they constantly taunt you, limit conversations with them. If they threaten to cut ties, remind yourself that love should not be conditional. If they refuse to support you, find strength within yourself. You are already surviving without their emotional backing, which means you are stronger than you think.

As for your relationship, you need to ask yourself—are you willing to sacrifice your happiness just to avoid family drama? If you truly love this person and see a future together, you will need to stand firm in your decision. Love requires courage, and choosing your happiness is not selfish—it’s necessary.

You are not alone in this. Many people fight similar battles with families who refuse to understand. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You deserve love, respect, and the right to make your own choices. No matter what happens, never let their words make you believe you are unworthy of happiness. Keep fighting for yourself, because you deserve it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |569 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2025Hindi
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Hi, I am 28 years old, about to get engaged in couple of months. It's an arranged marriage. Before that I met with the girl. At our first meeting, she was little shy and hesitant at first but still we were able to have a good conversation. However after that, as usual parents wanted an answer and without beating around the bush, we agreed. We went out once for lunch once and it was good. We got to know each other a little. But after that it's mostly chats. It's like I always start the conversation and end it. She may want to take things little slow which I respect. I am an introvert person, but at least I try to have a conversation. But even the chats feels like an interview round, she doesn't even ping me or calls me. Even I asked her if she has a boyfriend or is she happy with the marriage which she responded positively. That was a sigh of relief. Last we talked was on Valentine's day where we exchanged gifts and had some chats. But after that no more talks till now. For a month I stopped texting her as it always seems I am always eager to talk and also to check whether she will revert back, but not once in a month she called or texted me. Isn't she a little bit curious to know me? Now I feel tired to always ping her and asks her about her daily life. Maybe it seems like I am putting a lot of effort or maybe I am overthinking, but I just want to assure myself that I am taking the right decision. Sometimes I even feel if this marriage will work out or not. It's like I am taking a huge gamble on my life and letting destiny decide my faith.
Ans: A relationship, even in its early stages, should not feel like a duty. While some people do take time to open up, a complete lack of initiation from her side raises important concerns. Communication is not just about words; it’s also about effort, interest, and a willingness to connect. If she truly wanted to get to know you, even at a slow pace, there would be at least some level of curiosity or effort from her side.

It’s good that you gave space to see if she would reach out, but her silence for an entire month speaks volumes. This is not about overthinking—it’s about acknowledging your feelings and recognizing whether the emotional energy you are investing is being reciprocated. If she is this distant now, it’s fair to wonder whether this pattern will continue after marriage.

Rather than silently carrying these doubts, it would be best to have an open conversation with her. Express your feelings calmly and ask her directly about her thoughts on the relationship. It’s important to know whether she is truly interested or just going along with the marriage out of obligation. Clarity now can save you from deeper emotional struggles later.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and both partners should walk into it with confidence, not just because it was arranged or expected. If her response still feels indifferent or passive, you have every right to reconsider. This is your life, and you deserve a partner who values building a connection as much as you do.

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