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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Dec 14, 2021

Mutual Fund Expert... more
Bose Question by Bose on Dec 14, 2021Hindi
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I am a 58-year-old salaried person investing in the following SIPs since last four years with minimum horizon of 10 years.

Please advise whether to continue or should I shift to others?

Also suggest best performing, short term, debt risk free funds to invest around Rs 25 to 30 lakhs for a one to one-and-a-half year period.

I am getting advice to invest in banking and PSU funds instead of FDs for short term investment.

Fund SIP Amount
1. Tata India Tax Saving Fund Reg (G) Rs 6,500
2. Franklin Focused Equity Fund (G) Rs 6,500
3. Mirae Asset Emerging Blue Chip Fund Reg ( G) Rs 2,500
4. Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Reg (G) Rs 5,000

Ans: Please continue the equity investments. Also, please be informed that there are no risk free debt funds. The market risk always remains.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Hello sir, i am 32 years old and just started a SIP investment of 7K per month for the following funds for wealth creation for next 10 - 15 years. Core portfolio (60%) 1. Parag Parikh flexicap fund - 1.5K 2. JM Flexicap - 2K 3. Navi Nifty 50 - 0.5K Satellite portfolio (40%) 1. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - 0.8K 2. JM Midcap fund - 1K 3. Tata smallcap fund - 0.7K 4. Edelweiss midcap 150 momentum 50 - 0.5K Could please review and advise me whether the above funds is to be considered good. Please provide some suggestions if changes required.
Ans: Your SIP portfolio seems well-diversified across various categories of equity funds, which is a good approach for long-term wealth creation. Let's review each fund and provide some suggestions:

Core Portfolio (60%):

Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund: This fund follows a flexible investment approach across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. It's known for its quality stock selection and has delivered consistent returns over the years.
JM Flexicap Fund: Another flexi-cap fund, providing exposure to companies across market capitalizations. Ensure you review its performance and consistency compared to peers.
Navi Nifty 50: Investing in an index fund like Navi Nifty 50 provides exposure to India's top 50 companies. It's a low-cost option with a focus on large-cap stocks.
Satellite Portfolio (40%):

Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: This fund focuses on emerging companies with high growth potential. Review its performance and ensure it aligns with your risk appetite.
JM Midcap Fund: Mid-cap funds like JM Midcap can offer higher growth potential but come with higher volatility. Monitor its performance and risk closely.
Tata Smallcap Fund: Investing in small-cap funds can provide exposure to high-growth companies. Ensure you're comfortable with the risk associated with small-cap investing.
Edelweiss Midcap 150 Momentum 50: This fund follows a momentum-based investment strategy, focusing on mid-cap stocks showing positive price momentum. Understand its investment approach and risk profile.
Suggestions:

Monitor Performance: Regularly review the performance of your funds and ensure they're meeting your expectations. Consider replacing underperforming funds with better alternatives.
Risk Management: Given the higher allocation to mid-cap and small-cap funds in your portfolio, be prepared for higher volatility. Ensure your risk tolerance aligns with the risk profile of these funds.
Review Fund Selection: Consider diversifying across fund houses to reduce concentration risk. Also, consider adding an international equity fund or a debt fund for further diversification.
Long-Term Perspective: Stay focused on your long-term investment horizon and avoid making knee-jerk reactions based on short-term market movements.
Overall, your SIP portfolio appears well-structured for wealth creation over the next 10-15 years. However, regularly monitoring and reviewing your portfolio's performance is essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a financial advisor for personalized guidance based on your individual circumstances.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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HI, I am 32 years old male having following SIPs. I am investing for wealth creation and for a time horizon of 10 - 15 years. Please review and guide if any changes are required 1. Parag Parikh - 10k 2. Kotak Multicap - 10k 3. Value Discovery - 10k 4. HDFC Balance Advantage - 6k 5 Canara Robeco Small cap - 5k 6 Canra Rebocco Blue chip - 5k 7 Axis Opportunities Fund - 9k 8 Groww Index Fund - 5k 9. Axis ELSS - 2.5K
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to investing for wealth creation at a relatively young age. Let's review your current SIP portfolio and make any necessary adjustments to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and time horizon.

Assessing Your SIPs
You've chosen a diverse set of mutual funds, covering various market segments and investment styles. Here's a brief overview of each fund:

Parag Parikh: Known for its global diversification and focus on quality stocks, suitable for investors seeking stability and growth potential.

Kotak Multicap: Provides exposure to companies across market capitalizations, offering diversification and potential for capital appreciation.

Value Discovery: A value-oriented fund that seeks undervalued stocks with the potential for long-term growth, suitable for patient investors.

HDFC Balance Advantage: A dynamic asset allocation fund that adjusts its equity exposure based on market conditions, offering downside protection and growth potential.

Canara Robeco Small Cap: Invests in small-cap companies with high growth potential, suitable for investors with a higher risk tolerance and longer investment horizon.

Canara Robeco Blue Chip: Focuses on large-cap companies with strong fundamentals and stable earnings, offering stability and growth potential.

Axis Opportunities Fund: Seeks investment opportunities across sectors and market caps, suitable for investors seeking capital appreciation.

Groww Index Fund: Tracks a specific market index, providing exposure to a broad market segment at a lower cost. However, index funds may underperform actively managed funds during certain market conditions.

Axis ELSS: A tax-saving fund that offers potential tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, suitable for investors looking to save on taxes while building wealth.

Recommendations for Optimization
While your portfolio is well-diversified, here are a few suggestions to consider:

Review Overlapping Holdings: Check for overlapping holdings across your funds to ensure adequate diversification. Avoid excessive exposure to similar stocks or sectors to minimize risk.

Evaluate Performance: Monitor the performance of each fund regularly and compare it against relevant benchmarks and peers. Consider replacing underperforming funds with better alternatives, if necessary.

Rebalance Asset Allocation: Assess your overall asset allocation and ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and investment objectives. Consider adjusting your allocation between equity and debt based on changing market conditions and your financial goals.

Consider Consolidation: Depending on your preferences and convenience, you may consider consolidating your SIPs into fewer funds to simplify your portfolio management and reduce administrative overhead.

Conclusion
Overall, your SIP portfolio is well-structured and positioned for long-term wealth creation. By regularly reviewing and optimizing your investments, you can maximize returns and achieve your financial goals with confidence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Money
I am 63years old and last month I have invested in SIP for 10 yrs Axissmall cap fund regular plan growth Rs3000 HDFC top 100fund --do-Rs3000 UTI nifty 50index fund growth Rs5000 ICICI prudential value discovery fund growth Rs5000 Sbi contra fund regular plan growth Rs3000 UTI transport and logistics sector growth fund I am a retired having sufficient corpus for old age. The above investment is for my grand children. Can you advise me whether my investment is correct and will you suggest better funds
Ans: I'd be happy to offer some insights and recommendations for your current investment strategy. Investing for your grandchildren is a wonderful gesture and can provide them with a significant financial head start in life. Let's break down your current investments and explore some alternatives that might better suit your goals.

Understanding Your Current Investments
You've chosen a variety of mutual funds, each with distinct characteristics. Here's a brief overview:

Axis Small Cap Fund: Small cap funds invest in companies with smaller market capitalization. These can offer high returns but come with higher risk due to volatility.

HDFC Top 100 Fund: This is a large-cap fund, focusing on stable, well-established companies with a track record of growth and reliability.

UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Index funds track a specific index, like the Nifty 50. They offer broad market exposure with lower management fees but lack the potential for higher returns from active management.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Value funds look for undervalued stocks with growth potential. These funds can perform well in different market conditions but may also carry higher risk.

SBI Contra Fund: Contra funds invest in out-of-favor stocks. These can provide high returns when the market corrects itself, but timing and selection are crucial.

UTI Transport and Logistics Fund: Sectoral funds like this one focus on specific sectors, offering higher returns when the sector performs well but also higher risk due to lack of diversification.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
Your investment portfolio showcases a mix of different types of funds, which is generally good for diversification. However, let's delve into some considerations:

Risk Assessment
Small Cap Funds: These funds can be highly volatile. While they offer high returns, the risk might be considerable, especially considering the investment is for your grandchildren and potentially for the long-term. Evaluating whether you need this high level of risk is crucial.

Sectoral Funds: Investing heavily in a single sector can lead to higher returns if the sector performs well. However, this comes with the downside of being overly exposed to sector-specific risks. Diversification across sectors might mitigate this risk.

Active vs. Passive Management
Index Funds: While they provide broad market exposure, index funds lack the potential for outperformance that actively managed funds might offer. The Nifty 50 Index Fund, for example, will mirror the market, which might be less desirable if you're aiming for higher returns over the long term.

Actively Managed Funds: These funds, like HDFC Top 100 and ICICI Prudential Value Discovery, aim to outperform the market through strategic stock selection. The expertise of fund managers can potentially lead to higher returns, justifying their higher management fees compared to index funds.

Potential Improvements and Suggestions
Given your investment goals for your grandchildren, let’s look at some potential adjustments:

Diversification
While your portfolio is diversified, you might want to consider reducing exposure to high-risk and sector-specific funds. Instead, opt for more balanced and multi-cap funds which offer diversification across market caps and sectors.

Balanced Fund Choices
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically adjust between equity and debt based on market conditions. This provides a balanced approach, managing risk while aiming for reasonable returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. They offer the potential for higher returns with a balanced risk profile compared to investing solely in small caps or sectoral funds.

Long-Term Growth with Stability
Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds have the flexibility to invest across various market capitalizations, offering growth potential while maintaining a diversified portfolio.

Focused Funds: Investing in a limited number of high-conviction stocks, these funds can provide significant returns. The risk is higher due to the concentrated portfolio, but the potential rewards might align with your long-term goals.

Reviewing Your Specific Choices
Axis Small Cap Fund
This fund can offer significant growth, but it comes with higher risk. You might consider reducing exposure to this fund and reallocating to more stable options.

HDFC Top 100 Fund
A solid choice for stability and consistent returns. Large-cap funds like this can anchor your portfolio, offering lower risk and steady growth.

UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund
While index funds are cost-effective, actively managed funds might better serve your goal of maximizing returns for your grandchildren. Consider reallocating to an actively managed fund with a good track record.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund
Value funds are great for long-term growth. This fund is a good choice, as it can perform well in various market conditions.

SBI Contra Fund
Contra funds can offer high returns but require good timing. If you're comfortable with the risk, it can stay in your portfolio. Otherwise, consider switching to a more diversified option.

UTI Transport and Logistics Fund
Sectoral funds are risky due to lack of diversification. Consider reallocating to a more broadly diversified fund to mitigate sector-specific risks.

Implementing Changes
Reduce High-Risk Investments: Consider reducing your allocation in small-cap and sectoral funds. Instead, invest in balanced advantage or multi-cap funds for a more stable growth trajectory.

Increase Stability: Boost your investment in large-cap and diversified equity funds. These provide more stability and consistent returns.

Consider Actively Managed Funds: Given your long-term horizon and the goal of maximizing returns, actively managed funds could be a better fit than index funds.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Periodically review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust based on market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Power of Compounding
Investing for your grandchildren allows you to harness the power of compounding. The longer the investment horizon, the greater the potential for exponential growth. Ensure that your portfolio includes funds that can compound effectively over the long term.

Tax Efficiency
While planning investments, consider the tax implications. Long-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at a lower rate compared to short-term gains. Structuring your investments to minimize tax liabilities can enhance net returns.

Final Insights
Your current investments show a thoughtful mix of different types of mutual funds. However, balancing risk and reward, especially for long-term goals like investing for grandchildren, is crucial. By reducing exposure to high-risk and sector-specific funds, and increasing stability through balanced and diversified funds, you can create a robust portfolio. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your investments with a Certified Financial Planner ensures alignment with your financial goals and market conditions.

Investing wisely today sets the foundation for a secure and prosperous future for your grandchildren.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1283 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1283 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, I am in a 14 year old relationship with a man, the relationship is quite healthy until now, but our families are not accepting for marriage. Since his parents are divorced and her elder sister to. Everyone in my family is against this marriage and not one person is supporting it, but we truly love each other. Even the boy does, and he is doing everything he can for a mutual acceptance. There is no divorce history in my family till date. So sometimes, even I get sceptical about taking this relationship forward as I understand the seriousness of marriage, but I also understand that there is attachment, love, commitment, duration, everything involved in this 14 year old relationship which will make it very hard to accept someone else in place of him, so basically, I want to marry the guy, but not his family I know that’s not possible, but then what should I do? Should I just take the step forward with total faith in the man, or should I marry somewhere else where everything is great, only love will be unsure. The man has connections with both his parents and there is no custody involved. In this case. He is in a good relationship with both the parents, although he lives with his mother and sister.
Ans: Fourteen years is a profound commitment, and the fact that both of you have nurtured such a bond reflects a solid foundation that’s not easy to find or replicate. The conflict seems to lie mainly in your family’s fears and cultural values around marriage and their concern about potential patterns in relationships. This is an understandable reaction from them, given the uniqueness of his family background compared to what they’ve experienced.

It’s natural for you to feel torn, especially since you value your family’s approval and understand the complexities that can arise in marriage. While family acceptance can provide a comforting support system, there are instances when it doesn’t fully align with one’s own heart. Marrying him would mean choosing to rely primarily on each other, despite family reservations, which could require extra resilience and patience as you move forward together. Since he has strong relationships with both parents, it may be reassuring that he has a healthy view of family, despite their past. This could suggest that he has personal maturity and the ability to build a stable, loving relationship with you.

At the same time, your family’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any curse or pattern that would carry over into your marriage. The key to deciding might be to look at the qualities he brings to the relationship, how both of you handle challenges, and whether he brings stability, honesty, and emotional support. The longevity and health of your relationship are positive indicators, and if both of you have open communication about potential concerns—like how family dynamics might play a role in the future—you’ll likely be prepared to face those hurdles together.

You’re faced with a decision that balances taking a leap of faith with the potential for some family disappointment. If he is the partner with whom you see a fulfilling life, the choice to marry might ultimately come down to what feels right to you, independent of family fears. Love, trust, and understanding—especially those that withstand the test of time—are incredibly powerful foundations. So, if you believe in the strength of your bond and feel you could weather any storm together, choosing him could be a step toward building the kind of family you truly want, even if it’s unconventional by your family’s standards.

But if you’re still unsure, taking time to express all these feelings to him, to explore your shared values and long-term goals, and to be absolutely sure of the life you want to build can help reinforce whichever path feels right for you.

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