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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 53, volunteerly retired from pvt firm. I am doing NPS.. looking for pension in my 60 th year. I have invested in MF and Stocks and they are doing well and earning in the range of 12-18%. My NPS is doing arround 10-11%. I am looking my retirement monthly income arround Rs.50,000. Right now I have 10 lakhs in the NPS. What measures should I take to achieve my NPS income. I have no regular income but I can invest lump sum to achieve this Target if so How. Two way I can make lumpsum is by selling the plot worth 30 lakhs and shifting my MF/Stock amount to NPS account..Advise.

Ans: As you approach retirement at 53 with the goal of securing a monthly income of Rs. 50,000, it's essential to craft a robust financial plan that leverages your current assets and optimizes your investments for long-term stability and growth. Here’s a detailed strategy to help you achieve your retirement income target.

Assessing Your Current Financial Landscape
Existing Assets
National Pension System (NPS): Currently holding Rs. 10 lakhs, with an average return of 10-11% annually.
Mutual Funds (MFs) and Stocks: Investments performing well, yielding between 12-18% returns.
Real Estate: A plot valued at Rs. 30 lakhs, which you are considering selling to enhance your retirement funds.
Retirement Income Goal
Monthly Income Objective: Rs. 50,000
Retirement Income Planning
Optimizing National Pension System (NPS)
Enhancing Returns

To meet your income target effectively through NPS:

Increase Contributions: Boost your monthly contributions to NPS. Given the opportunity to invest a lump sum from the plot sale, this can significantly augment your NPS corpus.

Asset Allocation Strategy: Diversify NPS investments across equity, corporate bonds, and government securities. This diversified approach balances risk while aiming for growth in retirement funds.

Utilizing Lump Sum Funds
Strategic Investment

Proceeds from Plot Sale: Selling the plot and reinvesting in NPS can accelerate your retirement savings trajectory. This infusion allows for faster accumulation towards your income goal.

Tax Optimization: Evaluate tax implications and utilize NPS tax benefits to maximize retirement savings from the plot sale proceeds.

Leveraging Mutual Funds and Stocks
Asset Management

Portfolio Review: Evaluate MF and stock holdings. Consider reallocating a portion into NPS to align with retirement income objectives and diversify risk effectively.

Risk Mitigation: Maintain a balanced risk profile with continuous monitoring of MFs and stocks. Ensure these investments contribute positively towards your retirement income target amidst market fluctuations.

Long-Term Financial Security
Planning for Future Needs

Inflation Protection: Incorporate inflation adjustments to preserve retirement income purchasing power. NPS’s market-linked returns can help hedge against inflation risks over the long term.

Emergency Fund: Maintain a liquid emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This safety net ensures financial resilience during unexpected events, safeguarding retirement plans.

Final Insights
Achieving a sustainable retirement income of Rs. 50,000 requires a comprehensive strategy that integrates income generation, risk management, and strategic asset allocation. By maximizing NPS contributions, utilizing proceeds from the plot sale to bolster NPS investments, and maintaining a diversified portfolio across NPS, MFs, and stocks, you can effectively work towards your retirement income target with confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

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Hi Sir, This is Murugan, from Chennai, working for an IT company. I have started to invest in NPS for the past 7 months (4216?, 10% of my basic salary) for my retirement plan. My take-home salary is ?60,000 (after NPS deduction). I don't have a debit. I would like to invest ?20,000 for my future and also for my child's (4-year-old) education purposes (long-term plan). Please suggest any ideas to achieve my goal. Thanks, Murugan.
Ans: It's great that you've started investing in NPS for your retirement. To achieve your goal of investing ?20,000 for both your future and your child's education, consider the following suggestions:

SIP in Mutual Funds:
Allocate a portion of ?20,000 towards SIPs in mutual funds. Opt for diversified equity funds for long-term growth potential.
Choose funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Child Education Fund:
Create a separate fund or invest in child education-specific mutual funds or SIPs for your child's education.
Start a recurring deposit or systematic investment plan (SIP) to accumulate the desired amount by the time your child starts higher education.
Emergency Fund:
Set aside a portion of your monthly income for an emergency fund, aiming to accumulate 3-6 months' worth of expenses.
Consider a liquid or short-term debt fund for this purpose.
Insurance:
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage for yourself and your family to protect against unforeseen events.
Review & Adjust:
Periodically review your investments to track performance and make necessary adjustments.
Increase your investments gradually as your income grows.
Remember to maintain a balanced approach between equity and debt investments based on your risk tolerance. Consult a financial advisor to create a personalized investment plan tailored to your financial goals and situation.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I am 61 years retired person, majority of retirement funds invested in FDs and have MF investment in few funds. Iam getting pension required for maintenance as of now. Parakh Parikh Flexi Fund (Balance Rs.3 lakh with monthly SIP of Rs 2500/-, other than this, I have SBIMF Small Cap Rs.5 lakh, SBI Bluechip 3.50 lakh, Sundaram Midcap 2 lakh, Nipon India Largecap Rs. 2 lakh, ICICI Prudential Infrastructure Rs. 2 lakh, Bandhan Infrastructure Rs. 2 lakh. Contrubuting Rs. 50,000/- pa in NPS for tax purpose. Please guide
Ans: That's a great question, sir! You've made smart choices by investing in FDs for safety and some MFs for growth. Here's a breakdown of your portfolio and some suggestions:

Current Portfolio Mix:

Large Focus: A significant portion is in large-cap funds (SBI Bluechip, Nippon India Largecap) offering stability but potentially lower growth.

Small & Mid-Cap Exposure: You have exposure to small-cap (SBI Small Cap) and mid-cap funds (Sundaram Midcap) which can offer higher growth potential but also come with higher risk.

Infrastructure Focus: Investments in ICICI Prudential Infrastructure and Bandhan Infrastructure provide exposure to a specific sector.

Flexi-Cap Fund: Parag Parikh Flexi Cap offers diversification across market capitalizations.

Potential for Improvement:

Review Asset Allocation: Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to assess your risk tolerance and adjust your asset allocation (mix of investments) if needed. They can help ensure a balance between stability (debt) and growth (equity).

Sector Concentration: Consider reducing your exposure to the infrastructure sector if a large part of your portfolio is already there. Diversification helps manage risk.

Review Fund Performance: Review the performance of your existing funds. A CFP can help analyze their performance and suggest replacements if necessary.

Benefits of a CFP:

Personalized Plan: A CFP can create a personalized investment plan considering your retirement goals, risk tolerance, and existing investments.

Ongoing Monitoring: They can monitor your portfolio and recommend adjustments as your needs evolve.

Your NPS contribution is commendable! It provides tax benefits and some retirement income.

Remember:

Risk Tolerance: As a retiree, your risk tolerance might be lower. A CFP can help adjust your portfolio accordingly.

Regular Review: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with a CFP to ensure it remains aligned with your goals.

By consulting a CFP, you can potentially optimize your portfolio for stability, growth, and income needs during your retirement!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir I have NPS 25 Lakhs EPF 23 Lakhs. I will get Gratuity 12 lakhs and Leave encashment 15 lakhs. No FD No PPF no mutual fund. I need atleast 60 k pension. I will be retiring on 2026. How to manage this ?
Ans: You’re planning to retire in 2026 and need Rs. 60,000 monthly as a pension. Let's assess your situation and build a robust retirement strategy.

Current Financial Standing
NPS (National Pension System): Rs. 25 lakhs

EPF (Employees' Provident Fund): Rs. 23 lakhs

Gratuity: Rs. 12 lakhs

Leave Encashment: Rs. 15 lakhs

These assets are solid building blocks for your retirement. However, you have no Fixed Deposits, PPF, or mutual funds, which limits your portfolio’s diversity. Let’s explore how to efficiently utilize these funds to meet your pension needs.

Assessing Your Pension Requirement
You aim for a Rs. 60,000 monthly pension post-retirement. This amount should cover your living expenses, healthcare, and any other financial commitments you might have. Considering inflation, this pension needs to last for at least 20-25 years or more.

Structuring Your Retirement Portfolio
Diversification is crucial to managing risk and ensuring stable returns. Here’s how you can structure your portfolio:

1. NPS and EPF Utilization
NPS Corpus: At retirement, you can withdraw up to 60% of the NPS corpus as a lump sum and the remaining 40% must be used to purchase an annuity.

EPF Corpus: You can withdraw the entire EPF corpus as a lump sum at retirement. This corpus can act as your base for creating a stable income stream.

2. Gratuity and Leave Encashment Deployment
Your gratuity and leave encashment together amount to Rs. 27 lakhs. These can be strategically invested in instruments that offer both growth and stability.

3. Invest in Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs are mutual funds designed to provide regular monthly income. You can allocate a portion of your gratuity and leave encashment towards these. MIPs usually have a balanced mix of equity and debt, offering both growth and periodic payouts.

4. Create a Fixed Income Stream
Consider investing in Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS) once you retire. These instruments provide regular monthly income with relatively lower risk.

Managing the Inflation Impact
Inflation will erode the purchasing power of your Rs. 60,000 pension over time. To combat this, you need to ensure that a portion of your investments is in growth-oriented assets.

1. Balanced Mutual Funds
Balanced mutual funds offer a mix of equity and debt, providing growth potential while managing risk. They can help you beat inflation over the long term. Consider systematic withdrawals from these funds to supplement your pension.

2. Step-Up SIPs for Growth
If you start investing now in equity mutual funds through SIPs, you can accumulate a corpus that will help increase your pension in later years. Step-up SIPs, where you increase your investment amount annually, can be particularly beneficial.

3. Dynamic Asset Allocation
Adopt a dynamic asset allocation strategy. This involves shifting between equity and debt based on market conditions and your financial goals. It helps in optimizing returns while managing risks.

Emergency Fund Maintenance
Retirement can bring unexpected expenses. Ensure you have an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This should be kept in liquid assets like a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Health Insurance Planning
Health expenses can be a major financial burden post-retirement. Ensure that you have adequate health insurance coverage. Since you’ll be retiring soon, check if you can increase your health cover. Additionally, you can consider a super top-up plan for added coverage.

Estate Planning and Nomination
It’s essential to have a clear estate plan to ensure your assets are transferred smoothly to your beneficiaries. Nominate your family members on all financial instruments and consider writing a will.

Regular Review and Monitoring
Retirement planning is not a one-time task. Regularly review your portfolio and financial plan to ensure it’s on track to meet your goals. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and life changes.

Best Practices for a Secure Retirement
Start Early: The sooner you begin investing, the more time your money has to grow.

Diversify: Don’t rely on a single investment type. Diversification reduces risk.

Stay Informed: Keep up with changes in financial regulations, tax benefits, and market trends.

Managing Debt and Expenses
You didn’t mention any current debts, which is positive. However, ensure that you don’t take on new loans close to retirement. Plan your expenses meticulously, focusing on essential spending.

Balancing Risk and Returns
As you approach retirement, it’s wise to gradually shift from high-risk investments to more stable ones. However, don’t avoid equities entirely, as they help in combating inflation.

Finally
You’re on the right track with your NPS, EPF, and other savings. To achieve a Rs. 60,000 monthly pension, diversify your investments and focus on both income generation and growth. Regularly review your financial plan and stay informed about market trends.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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