Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir I am 48 and qant to retire by 55. I have 62 lakhs in Mutual funds (SIP) with monthly investment of rs 40000/month . PF corpus of 40 lakhs , PPF of 25lakhs , fixed property one 3BHK & One 2BHK , 5 acres crop land . I want 1.5lakhs /month post retirement . Your advice please

Ans: Retirement planning is essential for a comfortable and stress-free life. At 48, you have a solid foundation, but it is crucial to refine your strategy to ensure your retirement goals are met. Let’s delve into various aspects to create a robust plan.

Current Financial Snapshot
Mutual Funds
You have Rs 62 lakhs in mutual funds through SIPs, investing Rs 40,000 monthly. This is a strong base and indicates a disciplined approach to wealth creation.

Provident Fund
Your PF corpus of Rs 40 lakhs adds a significant cushion to your retirement fund. PF is a stable and low-risk investment, ensuring consistent growth.

Public Provident Fund
With Rs 25 lakhs in PPF, you have another reliable source of tax-free returns. PPF is an excellent long-term investment with good compounding benefits.

Real Estate
Owning a 3BHK and a 2BHK, along with 5 acres of crop land, provides tangible assets. While real estate offers security, consider its liquidity and maintenance costs.

Retirement Income Needs
Monthly Requirement
You aim for Rs 1.5 lakhs per month post-retirement. This amount should cover your living expenses, healthcare, and leisure activities.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds outperform index funds over time. They provide the advantage of professional management, aiming for higher returns. This approach ensures better alignment with market conditions.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds: Regular funds, managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer personalized advice. The expertise of a CFP helps in navigating market complexities and adjusting the portfolio as needed.

Provident Fund and PPF
Consistency and Growth: Continue investing in PF and PPF to ensure steady growth and tax benefits. These funds provide stability to your retirement corpus.

Diversification
Balanced Portfolio: Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity and debt. This balance mitigates risks and ensures steady growth. Diversify across various sectors and asset classes.

Crop Land
Agricultural Income: Utilize your crop land for consistent agricultural income. Explore sustainable farming practices or leasing options to maximize returns.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Future Value: Estimate the future value of your current investments. Regular reviews and adjustments by a CFP will help achieve your target corpus. Ensure your investments grow to meet your post-retirement needs.

Adjusting Investment Strategy
Increasing SIPs
Boost SIP Contributions: Consider increasing your SIP contributions gradually. This will enhance your mutual fund corpus over time, ensuring better returns.

Exploring New Avenues
Equity Funds: Allocate a portion of your portfolio to high-performing equity funds. Equities have the potential for higher returns, aiding in building a substantial corpus.

Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income. Debt funds balance the risk-return equation, providing a safety net against market volatility.

Regular Reviews
Annual Check-ups: Conduct annual reviews of your portfolio with a CFP. Regular assessments ensure your investments are on track and aligned with your goals.

Healthcare and Emergency Fund
Health Insurance
Comprehensive Coverage: Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Healthcare costs can be significant, and insurance protects your savings.

Emergency Fund
Accessible Savings: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible for unforeseen situations.

Lifestyle and Expenses
Cost of Living
Inflation Adjustment: Factor in inflation while planning your post-retirement expenses. Ensure your corpus can sustain your lifestyle for the long term.

Lifestyle Choices
Budget Planning: Plan your budget to include leisure activities and hobbies. A well-balanced life post-retirement contributes to overall happiness and well-being.

Tax Planning
Efficient Tax Management
Tax-saving Instruments: Utilize tax-saving instruments to minimize tax liabilities. Investments in PPF, ELSS, and other tax-saving schemes help in efficient tax planning.

Withdrawals and Taxes
Planned Withdrawals: Plan your withdrawals from various investments to minimize tax impact. Consult with a CFP for tax-efficient withdrawal strategies.

Estate Planning
Will and Testament
Legal Documentation: Ensure you have a will in place. Proper estate planning ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Nomination and Succession
Clear Nominations: Review and update nominations for all your investments. Clear succession planning avoids legal complications and ensures smooth asset transfer.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner
Expert Advice: Engage with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. A CFP provides comprehensive financial planning, helping you achieve your retirement goals.

Regular Consultations
Ongoing Support: Regular consultations with your CFP ensure your plan adapts to changing circumstances. Continuous support helps in making informed decisions.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement is a continuous journey. You have a strong foundation with your current investments. Regular contributions, diversified portfolio, and professional guidance are key. Ensure your investments align with your goals, providing a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Listen
Money
I am 43 year old, Govt job employee. I have in my PF 70 L, NPS monthly investment 6K from 2023, SSY 1.5 L yearly from 2018, MF investment SIP PPFCF DG -3K monthly with step up after every six months 2K, HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund DPG- SIP-2K, Bandhan MAAF DG SIP- 3K, SGB -1.5L, have Plot 1800sqf in hometown. I want to retire next 8 to 10 years. I want monthly income 1.5 L. Suggest pls
Ans: Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
You have a solid foundation with a mix of investments. Your PF, NPS, SSY, mutual funds, and SGBs are all diversified, which is good. However, achieving a monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh post-retirement in 8 to 10 years requires a strategic plan.

Evaluating Your Existing Investments
Provident Fund (PF):

Rs 70 lakh is a significant corpus.
It will provide stability in your retirement portfolio.
National Pension Scheme (NPS):

Your Rs 6,000 monthly contribution since 2023 is a good start.
NPS provides tax benefits and a steady retirement income.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):

Investing Rs 1.5 lakh yearly since 2018 ensures good returns for your daughter’s future.
SSY is a safe, government-backed scheme.
Mutual Funds:

SIPs in PPFCF DG, HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund, and Bandhan MAAF DG are smart choices.
Step-up strategy in PPFCF DG every six months increases your investment gradually, which is commendable.
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs):

SGBs add a hedge against inflation in your portfolio.
The Rs 1.5 lakh investment in SGBs is wise for long-term growth.
Plot in Hometown:

The 1800 sq ft plot adds value to your overall asset base.
It’s a tangible asset that can appreciate over time.
Steps to Achieve Rs 1.5 Lakh Monthly Income Post-Retirement
1. Increase Mutual Fund SIPs:

Gradually increase your SIPs to accumulate a larger corpus.
Focus on diversified and equity-oriented mutual funds for long-term growth.
Avoid index funds due to their passive nature; actively managed funds tend to outperform in the long run.
2. Boost NPS Contributions:

Increase your NPS contribution if possible.
NPS has the potential for high returns due to its exposure to equity, which can help build a significant corpus.
3. Consider Regular Mutual Funds:

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential provides better guidance.
Regular funds come with professional advice, which can optimize your returns.
4. Enhance Retirement Corpus:

You can explore additional investment options like debt mutual funds or balanced advantage funds.
These funds offer a balance between risk and reward, helping you build a substantial corpus without high risk.
5. Utilize SGBs Wisely:

Continue holding SGBs for long-term capital appreciation.
The interest from SGBs can be a steady source of income during retirement.
6. Strategy for Your Plot:

You can consider selling or leasing the plot in the future to add to your retirement corpus.
Alternatively, if it appreciates significantly, it can serve as a backup financial resource.
Post-Retirement Strategy
1. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Post-retirement, convert your mutual fund corpus into a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).
SWP will provide you with a regular monthly income, aligning with your Rs 1.5 lakh requirement.
2. Annuities from NPS:

Upon retirement, utilize the NPS corpus to purchase annuities.
This will provide a fixed monthly pension, supplementing your income.
3. PF as a Safety Net:

Your PF can act as a reserve fund.
Use it for any large, unplanned expenses during retirement.
Finally
You’re on the right track with a diversified portfolio. With disciplined investing, increasing your SIPs, and strategically planning your retirement corpus, you can comfortably achieve your goal of Rs 1.5 lakh monthly income post-retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I have retired from govt service and I have Rs 1 lakh monthly pension. In addition to this I am working in private sector with a monthly income of 2.5 lakhs. I have 1 cr in MF, 10 lakhs in equity, 50 lakhs in real-estate and 36 Lakhs in bank FDs. I am 48 right now and want to retire by 55 with an inflow of 2 Lakhs per month
Ans: I understand your concerns and aspirations. Let's dive into crafting a comprehensive and tailored financial plan for you.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
Firstly, congratulations on your retirement from government service and your successful transition to the private sector. Your current financial situation is quite robust, which is commendable. You have a diversified portfolio with investments in mutual funds, equity, real estate, and fixed deposits. It's crucial to analyze each of these components to create a sustainable and efficient financial strategy for your future.

Evaluating Current Investments
Mutual Funds
You have Rs 1 crore in mutual funds, which is a substantial amount. While mutual funds are generally a good investment, it's important to review the types of funds you hold. Actively managed funds, guided by experienced fund managers, often provide better returns compared to index funds. Actively managed funds adapt to market changes, potentially maximizing your returns.

Equity Investments
With Rs 10 lakhs in equity, you're already participating in the stock market, which is excellent for long-term growth. However, it's important to regularly review and possibly rebalance your equity portfolio to align with market conditions and your financial goals. Diversification within equities can also help mitigate risks.

Real Estate
You have Rs 50 lakhs in real estate. While real estate can be a stable investment, it often lacks liquidity and requires maintenance. Since you plan to retire by 55, ensuring your investments are liquid and easily accessible is crucial. Real estate might not provide the immediate cash flow you might need during retirement.

Fixed Deposits
You hold Rs 36 lakhs in bank fixed deposits. FDs are safe but offer lower returns compared to other investment options. As you approach retirement, it's essential to strike a balance between safety and growth. We might need to explore better opportunities while maintaining a portion in FDs for emergency funds.

Creating a Retirement Strategy
Assessing Retirement Goals
You aim to retire at 55 with an inflow of Rs 2 lakhs per month. Given your current financial status, achieving this goal is feasible with careful planning and strategic investments.

Income from Pension and Job
Your current monthly income is Rs 3.5 lakhs, combining your pension and job earnings. This provides a strong foundation for your retirement savings. Ensuring that your investments are optimized will help maintain this lifestyle post-retirement.

Strategic Investment Recommendations
Enhancing Mutual Fund Investments
Switching to actively managed mutual funds could be beneficial. These funds, managed by skilled professionals, have the potential to outperform the market. They adjust according to market conditions, potentially offering higher returns compared to passive index funds.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor and rebalance your mutual fund portfolio. Market conditions change, and rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your financial goals. It helps in optimizing returns and managing risks effectively.

Diversification within Equities
Your equity investments should be diversified across different sectors. This minimizes risk and capitalizes on various market opportunities. Consider sectors with strong growth potential, and stay updated with market trends.

Liquidating Real Estate
Given the liquidity concerns with real estate, consider liquidating a portion of your holdings. The proceeds can be reinvested into more liquid and potentially higher-yielding investments. This ensures you have accessible funds during your retirement.

Optimizing Fixed Deposits
Maintain a portion of your wealth in fixed deposits for safety and emergencies. However, consider moving a part of these funds into better yielding, low-risk investment options. This ensures your money works harder for you while maintaining a safety net.

Financial Planning for the Future
Creating an Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund. This should cover at least six months of your expenses. It's essential for unexpected situations, providing financial security without disrupting your investment strategy.

Health Insurance
Healthcare costs can be significant, especially post-retirement. Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. This protects your savings from being depleted by medical expenses.

Estate Planning
Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes. It's important to have a clear will and possibly consider setting up trusts to manage your estate efficiently. This minimizes legal hassles for your heirs.

Maximizing Tax Efficiency
Tax-Advantaged Investments
Explore tax-advantaged investment options. These can significantly reduce your tax burden, increasing your net returns. Consult with a tax professional to identify the best options available to you.

Tax Planning Strategies
Implement effective tax planning strategies. This includes timing your investments, utilizing deductions, and strategically withdrawing funds. Proper tax planning can save you a considerable amount of money annually.

Long-Term Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus
Estimate the corpus needed for a comfortable retirement. Consider inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle aspirations. Ensure your investment strategy is aligned to achieve this corpus by the time you turn 55.

Sustainable Withdrawal Strategy
Develop a sustainable withdrawal strategy for your retirement years. This involves determining how much you can withdraw annually without depleting your savings. A well-planned strategy ensures financial stability throughout your retirement.

Empathetic Considerations
Balancing Lifestyle and Savings
It's important to balance your current lifestyle with your savings goals. Enjoying life today while planning for a secure future is essential. Make sure your financial plan accommodates your current and future needs.

Appreciating Your Efforts
You've done an excellent job in building a diverse investment portfolio. Your disciplined approach and foresight are commendable. It's now about fine-tuning your strategy to ensure long-term security and comfort.

Final Insights
You've built a strong financial foundation with your pension, job income, and diverse investments. With a few strategic adjustments, you can enhance your portfolio's performance and ensure a comfortable retirement by 55. Focus on optimizing your mutual funds, diversifying equities, and managing liquidity. Regular monitoring, effective tax planning, and a sustainable withdrawal strategy are key. Your commitment to securing your financial future is impressive, and with careful planning, your retirement goals are within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Listen
Money
Sir I am 48 years old and would like to retire by 55 years. I am investing Rs 70 K per month in MF through SIP for the last 7 years & have a corpus of close to Rs 1.3 CR. Shres separe portfolio and invested Rs 25 Lakhs & value today Rs 45 Lakhs. I have 2 shops & getting monthly rent of Rs 15 K & one independent house & flat 3 bHk in Bhopal so getting another 15 K rent. The property value all put together will be 2.5 CR & a loan of 20 lakh housing for my current appartment where I am staying. Therefore I need atleast 1.20 Lakhs as retirement corpus at the age of 55. Please advice
Ans: You aim to retire by 55 years. You currently invest Rs 70,000 per month in mutual funds through SIPs and have accumulated a corpus of Rs 1.3 crore over the last 7 years. Your goal is to secure Rs 1.20 lakhs per month as a retirement corpus. Let's evaluate your current investments and how to achieve this goal.

Evaluating Current Investments

Mutual Funds: Rs 1.3 crore corpus from 7 years of Rs 70,000 monthly SIPs.

Stocks: Invested Rs 25 lakhs, now valued at Rs 45 lakhs.

Rental Income: Rs 15,000 monthly from two shops and Rs 15,000 monthly from residential properties.

Property Value: Total property value of Rs 2.5 crore, with a Rs 20 lakh housing loan.

Steps to Achieve Your Retirement Goal

Continue SIP Investments: Maintain or increase your SIP investments to grow your corpus.

Diversify Portfolio: Balance your portfolio with equity, debt, and balanced funds for stability and growth.

Review Stock Portfolio: Ensure your stock portfolio is diversified to minimize risk and maximize returns.

Utilize Rental Income: Use rental income to supplement monthly expenses and potentially reinvest a portion.

Analyzing the Adequacy of SIP Amount

Future Value Projection: Calculate the potential growth of your current SIPs and corpus to estimate future value.

Inflation Adjustment: Consider the impact of inflation on your retirement corpus needs.

Evaluating Real Estate Holdings

Rental Income: Continue leveraging rental income for additional cash flow.

Property Value: Assess the potential appreciation of your properties over time.

Addressing Housing Loan

Repayment Plan: Develop a strategy to repay the Rs 20 lakh housing loan before retirement.
Alternative Investment Strategies

Actively Managed Funds: Consider the benefits of actively managed funds over index funds for potentially higher returns.

Regular Funds via CFP: Highlight the advantages of regular funds and professional guidance from a CFP over direct funds.

Final Insights

Diversification: A diversified investment portfolio balances risk and reward.

Regular Review: Periodically review your investment strategy to ensure alignment with retirement goals.

Professional Guidance: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized financial planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Listen
Money
I am 53Years and I have 91Lacs in Mutual fund, SIP of 37K which I can continue for 5 more years, FD of Rs.35Lacs, PPF of Rs.60Lacs. I want to retire by 2029 and I want to have Rs.1.5Lacs per month. Kindly advice.
Ans: Assessment of Current Financial Situation
You are 53 years old with a plan to retire in 2029. You have a substantial investment portfolio:

Rs. 91 lakhs in mutual funds.

SIP of Rs. 37,000 per month, which you can continue for five more years.

Fixed Deposits (FDs) worth Rs. 35 lakhs.

Public Provident Fund (PPF) with a corpus of Rs. 60 lakhs.

Your target is to have Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month post-retirement. Let’s analyze your situation and how you can achieve this goal.

Continue SIPs Until Retirement
Your SIPs of Rs. 37,000 per month will compound significantly over the next five years. This steady investment is crucial for your retirement corpus.

Stay Invested: Keep your SIPs going until 2029. This will allow your investments to grow and provide a cushion against inflation.

Rebalance Periodically: As you approach retirement, consider gradually shifting some funds from equity to debt to reduce risk.

Fixed Deposits: Reevaluate and Strategize
Your FDs are a safe but low-return investment. With Rs. 35 lakhs in FDs, the interest may not keep up with inflation.

Consider Partial Redeployment: You might consider moving a portion of your FDs into debt mutual funds or hybrid funds. This will potentially give you better returns while keeping risk under control.

Laddering Strategy: If you prefer FDs, consider laddering them to benefit from varying interest rates and liquidity.

Maximizing PPF Returns
Your PPF corpus of Rs. 60 lakhs is a strong pillar of your retirement plan. PPF offers tax-free returns, which is a significant advantage.

Continue Contributing: If possible, continue contributing the maximum limit of Rs. 1.5 lakhs per year until retirement. This will help your corpus grow further.

Avoid Premature Withdrawals: Allow the PPF to compound until maturity. The longer you keep it, the better your tax-free returns.

Diversification and Risk Management
To ensure a balanced portfolio, you need to manage the risk associated with different asset classes.

Debt Funds for Stability: Consider increasing your exposure to debt funds as you near retirement. This will help in preserving your capital.

Equity Exposure: While equity is essential for growth, gradually reducing exposure as you approach retirement will reduce risk.

Hybrid Funds: These funds can offer a balance of equity and debt, providing moderate risk with decent returns. Consider these as you approach retirement.

Income Generation Post-Retirement
To achieve your goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month post-retirement, your corpus needs to be strategically managed.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Post-retirement, you can set up an SWP from your mutual fund investments. This will provide you with regular income while keeping your corpus invested.

Debt Mutual Funds: A portion of your corpus can be invested in debt funds. They are relatively safe and can offer regular returns.

PPF Interest: After retirement, the interest from your PPF can be a tax-free income stream.

Inflation Consideration
Inflation can erode your purchasing power over time. It's crucial to plan for an income that increases to counter inflation.

Equity Component: Continue with a small equity exposure post-retirement to combat inflation. This could be in the form of hybrid funds or a balanced portfolio.

Regular Review: Regularly review your investments to ensure they are performing well and adjust if necessary.

Insurance and Contingency Planning
While your focus is on retirement, it’s important not to neglect risk management.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical costs can deplete your retirement corpus quickly.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund separate from your retirement corpus. This will help you handle unforeseen expenses without affecting your retirement funds.

Final Insights
You are on the right track with a strong foundation for your retirement. With Rs. 91 lakhs in mutual funds, substantial SIPs, FDs, and PPF, your goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month is achievable. It’s important to stay disciplined, regularly review your portfolio, and adjust your strategy as needed. By diversifying wisely and considering inflation, you can ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x