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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7366 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 42 and have one son with my wife. Holding salary of 60000/- monthly in hand. Have investments in two ELSS scheme one is ?500 every month and other ?8000 lumpsum for 3 years. Regularly invest in NPS ?1000 monthly. Holding SGB Bonds value ?38000/-.I want to invest ? 5000 monthly in SIP for long tenure of 17 years. Pls suggest

Ans: You are 42, have a son, and a monthly salary of Rs. 60,000. You already invest in ELSS schemes, NPS, and SGB Bonds, and now you want to invest Rs. 5000 monthly in SIP for 17 years. Here’s a comprehensive plan to guide you towards your financial goals.

Understanding Your Financial Situation

Let’s break down your current financial status and future investment plans:

Monthly Salary: Rs. 60,000
ELSS Investments: Rs. 500 monthly and Rs. 8000 lumpsum for 3 years
NPS Investment: Rs. 1000 monthly
SGB Bonds: Rs. 38,000 value
New SIP Investment: Rs. 5000 monthly for 17 years
Step 1: Assessing Your Financial Health

First, evaluate your monthly expenses and savings.

Monthly Income: Rs. 60,000
Essential Expenses: Calculate monthly living costs including household expenses, child’s education, and other necessary expenditures.
Current Savings and Investments: Summarize your existing investments in ELSS, NPS, and SGB Bonds.
Step 2: Building an Emergency Fund

Before investing, ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.

Emergency Fund: Save Rs. 3-6 lakhs in a liquid fund for emergencies.
Step 3: Managing Existing Investments

Review your existing investments to ensure they align with your financial goals.

ELSS Schemes: Continue with your current ELSS investments for tax-saving benefits.
NPS: Your Rs. 1000 monthly contribution in NPS is good for retirement planning.
SGB Bonds: Hold onto your SGB Bonds for gold investment benefits and interest income.
Step 4: Investing in SIP for Long-Term Growth

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds are ideal for long-term wealth creation. They offer the power of compounding and professional management.

Advantages of SIPs in Mutual Funds

Disciplined Investing: Regular investments instill discipline.
Rupee Cost Averaging: Invests in different market conditions, reducing risk.
Compounding: Reinvested returns generate more returns over time.
Diversification: Invests in a variety of assets, reducing risk.
Choosing the Right Mutual Funds

Select a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and returns.

Equity Funds: High returns but higher risk. Suitable for long-term goals like retirement and child’s education.
Debt Funds: Lower risk and returns. Good for stability and short-term goals.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt. Moderate risk and returns.
Creating a Diversified SIP Portfolio

Equity Funds: Invest 60-70% in diversified equity funds. Focus on large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability and growth.
Debt Funds: Invest 20-30% in debt funds for stability. Consider corporate bond funds or gilt funds.
Hybrid Funds: Invest 10-20% in hybrid funds for balanced risk and returns.
Step 5: Setting Up Your SIP

Start a SIP of Rs. 5000 monthly in a diversified portfolio of mutual funds.

Monthly SIP Amount: Rs. 5000
Step 6: Regularly Review Your Investments

Monitor your investments to ensure they are on track.

Annual Review: Assess your portfolio’s performance annually.
Rebalancing: Adjust the allocation if needed to maintain the desired risk level.
Step 7: Tax Planning

Optimize your investments for tax efficiency.

ELSS Funds: Continue with ELSS for tax benefits under Section 80C.
Other Tax-Saving Instruments: Consider PPF, EPF, and NPS for additional tax benefits.
Step 8: Planning for Child’s Education

Ensure you have a plan for your child’s higher education. Set aside a separate fund for this purpose.

Children’s Education Fund: Invest in child-specific mutual funds or a combination of equity and debt funds based on the time horizon.
Step 9: Retirement Planning

Your retirement plan should be robust to ensure you maintain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Retirement Corpus Goal: Rs. 1 crore
Investment Strategy: Continue investing in a mix of equity and debt funds.
Retirement Accounts: Contribute to EPF, PPF, and NPS for additional retirement savings.
Step 10: Insurance

Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage to protect your family.

Life Insurance: Adequate term insurance to cover liabilities and provide for your family.
Health Insurance: Comprehensive health insurance to cover medical expenses.
Final Insights

Creating a robust financial plan is essential for long-term financial stability and achieving your goals. Here’s a summary of your action plan:

Action Plan Summary

Assess Expenses: Calculate monthly expenses and savings.
Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 3-6 lakhs.
Manage Existing Investments: Continue with ELSS, NPS, and SGB Bonds.
SIP Investments: Start a monthly SIP of Rs. 5000 in diversified mutual funds.
Review Investments: Regularly review and rebalance the portfolio.
Tax Planning: Optimize investments for tax efficiency.
Education Planning: Create a separate fund for your child’s education.
Retirement Planning: Continue building your retirement corpus.
Insurance: Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage.
By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve your long-term financial goals and ensure a secure future for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7366 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 34 years old living with my Parents, my wife and 3 yr old Son, I have invested around 75L through various FDs and Post office schemes, currently having a house loan of 45L for which I am paying EMI 35000 and extra amount each month around 25000 for past two years, planning to start to invest in SIP by this year to plan my retirement when I reach 50 years of age Could anyone please guide me for this. Currently having monthly salary 70,000 in hand.
Ans: Crafting a Financial Plan for Retirement and Wealth Accumulation
Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
At 34, you've demonstrated prudent financial habits by investing in FDs and Post Office schemes, along with diligently repaying your housing loan through regular EMIs and additional payments. With a stable monthly salary of 70,000 and a family to support, it's wise to plan for your long-term financial security.

Prioritizing Retirement Planning
Starting SIPs for retirement planning is a commendable step towards securing your financial future. Aim to allocate a portion of your monthly income towards equity-oriented mutual funds through SIPs to harness the power of compounding over the long term.

Determining Retirement Corpus
Calculate your desired retirement corpus based on your lifestyle expenses, inflation, and retirement age target of 50. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to determine the appropriate corpus required to maintain your desired standard of living post-retirement.

Choosing Suitable Mutual Funds
Select a mix of equity mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Diversify your portfolio across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to balance risk and potential returns. Monitor fund performance regularly and make adjustments as needed.

Optimizing Debt Repayment
Continue making additional payments towards your housing loan to accelerate debt reduction and save on interest costs. Consider evaluating refinancing options or negotiating with your lender to lower your interest rate and shorten the loan tenure, if feasible.

Emergency Fund and Contingency Planning
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months' worth of living expenses to cover unforeseen circumstances or financial emergencies. Review your insurance coverage, including health, life, and property insurance, to protect your family's financial well-being.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific needs and goals. A CFP can provide personalized advice, recommend suitable investment strategies, and help you navigate complex financial decisions.

Conclusion
By prioritizing retirement planning, optimizing debt repayment, and building a robust financial safety net, you can achieve your long-term financial goals and secure a comfortable retirement for yourself and your family. Stay disciplined in your savings and investment approach, and seek professional guidance to maximize your wealth accumulation potential.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7366 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 49 years old male, investing rs 30000 permonth in sip since 2016 October. Getting 3lacs per month after tax deduction. Has a house loan of 40lacs 19years more with monthly emi of 40k. Has 25lacs star health insurance. Needs around 40lacs per year for 3 years for my son's abroad education from next year.... And planning to retire at 55. Kindly guide me to invest for a retirement plan (2 lacs monthly pension) and sons education. Thank you.
Ans: Your financial journey is commendable. Investing Rs 30,000 per month through SIP since 2016 is a disciplined approach. Balancing a house loan, education goals, and retirement is crucial. Let's craft a structured strategy for your priorities.

Current Financial Snapshot
Monthly Income: Rs 3 lakhs (post-tax).

House Loan EMI: Rs 40,000 monthly.

Health Insurance: Rs 25 lakhs coverage.

Education Goal: Rs 40 lakhs annually for 3 years starting next year.

Retirement Goal: Rs 2 lakhs monthly pension from 55 years.

Priority 1: Son’s Abroad Education
Your son’s education requires Rs 1.2 crore in 3 years.

Allocate current SIP investments towards this goal.

Use a mix of short-term debt funds and balanced hybrid funds.

Redeem SIPs closer to need, considering market trends.

Avoid taking high-risk equity exposure for this short-term goal.

Any surplus income or bonuses should be added to this goal.

Priority 2: House Loan Management
Your loan has a 19-year tenure, costing Rs 40,000 monthly.

Avoid prepayments now to prioritize education.

Post-education, consider reducing the loan tenure by increasing EMI.

This will help you save significant interest over the loan period.

Priority 3: Retirement Planning
You plan to retire at 55, requiring Rs 2 lakhs monthly.

This translates to Rs 24 lakhs annually post-retirement.

Inflation-adjusted corpus needed: Rs 6-7 crore (approximate).

Steps to Build the Retirement Corpus:

Increase SIP contributions once education expenses reduce.

Use a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and multi-cap mutual funds for growth.

Keep 10-15% allocation in debt funds for stability.

Review and rebalance the portfolio annually.

After 55, shift corpus to systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) for regular income.

Suggestions for Health Insurance
Your Rs 25 lakh health insurance cover is decent but may be insufficient.

Add a super top-up plan of Rs 25-30 lakhs.

This will safeguard you against rising medical costs.

Contingency Fund
Maintain a fund for emergencies, equal to 6-12 months of expenses.

This should cover household costs and EMI.

Invest in liquid funds or fixed deposits for easy access.

Tax Planning
Your investments should align with the new tax rules.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains from equity funds attract 20% tax.

Debt funds gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Factor these into your withdrawals for education or retirement.

Investment Approach
Use actively managed funds to outperform benchmarks.

Avoid index funds due to limited flexibility in volatile markets.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for expert guidance.

Regular plans offer the added benefit of professional advice.

Insurance Review
Evaluate your insurance policies.

If you hold LIC or ULIP policies, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

This will optimize returns for long-term goals.

Recommendations for the Next Steps
Education Fund: Reallocate existing SIPs to low-risk funds.

Retirement Fund: Increase SIP contributions gradually after education expenses.

Health Insurance: Enhance coverage with a super top-up plan.

Emergency Fund: Build a liquid corpus for unforeseen needs.

Finally
Your disciplined approach is inspiring. Focusing on these steps will ensure your goals are met. A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized strategies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7366 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, Im a returning NRI post 20 years having lived abroad. Wasnt sure if I would ever have come on this platform but yes I have . I have been involved with a girl in India for the past 6 years , we both are in our end 40's shes 47 and i will be turning 50 next year. On my bi annual visits we have been meeting, getting physical and share almost everything. There was nothing hidden between us, frank discussions about life, menopause, family issues, support for each other and a lot of love flowing, gifts exhanged both ways , always there for each other and so on. For the past 5 years she was out of a job but now has started working again since the past 7 months or so. Happy for her. I made a decision to take early retirement and head back home , a purely personal choice and spend more time with her. Its just that now when im back and expressed my desire to visit her , i feel shes a bit hesitant, we stay in different cities. I was pretty stunned when I initially planned to see her around the christmas week but she cited follow up prayers for a close family member who had passed away a couple of years back and her unavailabilty. Moreso the dates I had proposed she was unsure of committing time during that period and I let it pass. I was pleasantly surprised and also hurt that during those specific days , shes taking off for a short vacation citing she needs to recharge. Not sure what I should make out of this. Our conversations since my return have been short, messaging not that frequent but overall i feel the thrill that used to be there earlier is missing from her end. I cant understand -:), all was good till a month back. Simply put I dont wanna confront her, its her life after all but just need some advise : is this normal hormonal changes or do u feel its something more and I shud let go. Yeah I know its gonna be difficult for me but some closure I need.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your partner/lady seems to be one of those who is happy with a virtual relationship and all the perks in it. It gets easy as there is no commitment within that relationship; at least that's how it reads to me from your post.
It's possible that in her mind she must have thought that the long distance thing works better. Now that you are back, it's possible that you might ask her that the two of you move things further as in a COMMITMENT.
So, maybe you must initiate a conversation with her and be very clear as to what you want from her and the relationship. And also listen patiently to what she has to say. She may not want to pursue a commitment and this is something that you must prepare yourself to hear!
Is this all stemming from a hormonal change? Well, it's strange because a month back things were all good; so where were these hormonal changes back then? So, no...Do have that honest conversation and see where it goes...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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