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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Shiv Question by Shiv on Mar 10, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 years and my monthly salary is Rs 20,000 with One son. My Son is 12 years old and I have to just focus on his education. I have started 4000 SIP from last 2 years

Ans: Given your focus on your son's education and your current financial situation, it's commendable that you've started a SIP of Rs. 4,000 per month. To ensure you can adequately fund your son's education, consider the following steps:

Review your budget: Analyze your expenses and see if you can increase your SIP amount gradually as your income allows.

Increase SIP amount: Aim to increase your SIP amount over time to accumulate a larger corpus by the time your son reaches college age. Even small increases can make a significant difference over the long term.

Invest in education-focused funds: Consider investing in mutual funds specifically designed to meet education goals, such as children's education funds or equity funds with a long-term growth focus.

Diversify your investments: Spread your investments across different asset classes to manage risk and maximize returns. Consider equity funds for long-term growth potential and debt funds for stability.

Regular review: Regularly review your investment portfolio and adjust your SIP amounts or fund selections based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investments, you can work towards building a sufficient corpus to fund your son's education and secure his future.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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I'm earning only 22500 monthly. Have a investment in plots i bought in 2021 for 11 lakhs. I also have 3000 SIP in Axis small cap fund and 5000 sip in Mirae asset emerging blue chip fund since 2020. Invested 6 lakhs in stock market (Jio finance, Suzlon, IDFC BANK, IRFC, RVNL, Avantel, since Dec-2023). No job security - No other income. I have 1 son and a handicapped wife. What can I do to plan for my child's higher education. We are both 50 year's old and our son is just 8. What should I do?????
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You're facing the challenge of providing for your child's higher education amidst uncertain job security and limited income. Your investments in plots, mutual funds, and stocks reflect a proactive approach, but without job security, stability is a concern.

Prioritizing Stability and Growth
Given your age, job uncertainty, and lack of expertise in direct equity, it's wise to focus on stability and growth through mutual funds. Direct equity demands time and expertise, which might not align with your current circumstances.

Harnessing the Power of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and accessibility, making them suitable for your situation. By continuing your SIPs and consolidating your investments into well-managed funds, you can benefit from long-term growth potential.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Review your existing mutual fund investments to ensure they align with your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Consider reallocating assets if needed to optimize growth while managing risk effectively.

Planning for Your Child's Education
Calculate the estimated cost of your child's higher education based on current expenses and projected inflation. Set a realistic goal and devise an investment strategy to achieve it within the desired timeframe.

Adopting a Goal-Oriented Approach
Tailor your investment strategy to meet the specific needs of your child's education. Allocate funds to diversified mutual funds with proven track records, focusing on growth-oriented schemes aligned with your risk profile.

Mitigating Risks and Maximizing Returns
Diversify your mutual fund portfolio across asset classes and fund categories to reduce risk and enhance returns. Regularly monitor your investments and make necessary adjustments to stay on track towards your goals.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs and circumstances. A CFP can provide personalized advice and guide you towards making informed investment decisions.

Conclusion
Navigating the complexities of planning for your child's education amidst financial uncertainties requires a strategic approach. By prioritizing stability, harnessing the potential of mutual funds, and seeking professional guidance, you can build a solid foundation for your child's future education.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Hello sir , I am 32 year old I am a salaried person around 60k per month and want to start SIP for my children education I have two children one is 6 year old and another one is 3 year old. Please suggest me the best
Ans: It's fantastic that you're thinking ahead and planning for your children's education at such a young age. Starting SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) is a smart way to build a corpus for their future educational expenses.
Considering your financial situation and your children's ages, here's a suggested approach:
1. Set Clear Goals: Determine the amount you'll need for each child's education, factoring in inflation and the type of education you aspire for them. This will help you set realistic investment targets.
2. Choose Suitable SIPs: Opt for diversified equity mutual funds that have a track record of consistent performance and align with your investment goals and risk tolerance. Look for funds with a long-term horizon and a focus on capital appreciation.
3. Allocate Funds Wisely: Divide your SIP investments among different funds to spread risk and maximize growth potential. Consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to achieve diversification and optimize returns.
4. Start Early and Stay Consistent: Time is your biggest ally when it comes to investing. Start your SIPs as soon as possible to benefit from the power of compounding. Even small, regular investments can grow substantially over time with discipline and consistency.
5. Review and Adjust Regularly: Periodically review your SIP investments to ensure they're on track to meet your goals. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your financial situation, market conditions, and investment objectives.
6. Stay Disciplined: Avoid the temptation to withdraw or stop your SIPs during market fluctuations. Stay focused on your long-term goals and continue investing consistently, regardless of short-term market movements.
7. Consider Tax Implications: Keep tax efficiency in mind while selecting SIPs. Opt for funds with favorable tax treatment like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for potential tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
Remember, education is one of the most valuable investments you can make for your children's future. By starting SIPs early and staying disciplined, you can build a solid financial foundation to provide them with the best opportunities for education.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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Hi , I am working professional and income is 1 lakh per month . I have a son 10 years and wanted to plan for his education expenses in future.please help me which scheme is good for boy.
Ans: It's commendable that you are thinking ahead and planning for your son's education. Your dedication to his future is truly admirable.

Assessing Your Financial Goals and Timeline
Education Goals
You want to ensure your son has the best possible education. This may include school, college, and possibly postgraduate studies.

Timeline
Your son is 10 years old, so you have around 8 years until he starts college. This gives you a good timeframe to plan and invest.

Investment Options for Education Planning
Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. Consider investing in diversified equity funds for growth.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan)
Investing in mutual funds through SIPs allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly. This helps in rupee cost averaging and building a substantial corpus over time.

Child-Specific Mutual Funds
Balanced Allocation
Child-specific mutual funds typically have a balanced allocation between equity and debt. This helps in managing risk while aiming for growth.

Lock-in Period
These funds often come with a lock-in period that aligns with the child’s age and education needs. This ensures the money is used for its intended purpose.

Government Schemes
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Although SSY is specifically for girl children, it’s worth mentioning for parents with daughters. It offers a high interest rate and tax benefits.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Long-Term Growth
PPF is a safe investment with decent returns. It has a lock-in period of 15 years, making it suitable for long-term goals like education.

Tax Benefits
Investments in PPF are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80C. The interest earned is also tax-free.

Fixed Deposits and Bonds
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Safety
FDs are safe investments with guaranteed returns. They are suitable for risk-averse investors.

Laddering Strategy
You can use a laddering strategy to spread your investments across different maturities. This ensures liquidity and stable returns.

Tax-Free Bonds
Regular Income
Tax-free bonds offer regular interest income. The interest earned is exempt from taxes, making it a good option for high-income individuals.

Education Savings Plans
Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP)
Insurance and Investment
ULIPs offer a combination of insurance and investment. A part of the premium goes towards life cover, and the rest is invested in equity or debt funds.

Long-Term Benefits
ULIPs are suitable for long-term goals due to their lock-in period and potential for market-linked returns.

Creating a Diversified Portfolio
Asset Allocation
Allocate your investments across different asset classes to balance risk and return. Consider a mix of equity mutual funds, child-specific funds, PPF, FDs, and tax-free bonds.

Sample Allocation
Equity Mutual Funds (40%): For high growth potential
Child-Specific Mutual Funds (20%): For balanced growth and risk management
PPF (20%): For safety and tax benefits
Fixed Deposits and Bonds (20%): For guaranteed returns and safety
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Portfolio Review
Review your portfolio regularly to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Rebalance your investments as needed to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Tax Planning
Efficient Tax Strategies
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Utilize tax-saving options like PPF. Plan your investments to maximize tax benefits and minimize tax liability.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor an investment strategy based on your specific needs. Professional advice can help optimize your portfolio for education planning.

Conclusion
Planning for your son's education requires a diversified and strategic approach. Balance your investments across equity funds, child-specific funds, PPF, FDs, and tax-free bonds. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello lam 32old l have 4kids earn 1L per month how to make investment kids education
Ans: Planning for your children's education is a commendable goal, and it's great to see you taking steps towards it. With a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh and four kids to provide for, a well-thought-out investment strategy is essential. Let's dive into the details.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Before investing, understand your financial situation. Earning Rs 1 lakh per month gives you a solid base. However, with four kids, your expenses will be significant. Hence, planning and budgeting are crucial.

Setting Clear Goals
First, set clear goals. Determine the cost of education for each child. Factor in inflation, which increases the cost of education over time. Setting specific goals helps you stay focused.

Creating a Budget
Create a monthly budget to manage your expenses. Track your income and expenditures. This will help identify areas where you can save more money. Savings are the foundation of your investment.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is vital. It ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances. Aim to save at least six months' worth of expenses in a liquid savings account.

Prioritising Insurance
Adequate insurance is essential. Ensure you have sufficient health insurance coverage for your family. Life insurance is also critical to protect your family financially in your absence.

Diversifying Investments
Diversify your investments to reduce risk. Different investment options provide varying returns and have different risk levels. Diversification balances risk and return.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are an excellent option for long-term goals like education. They are managed by professional fund managers and offer the benefit of diversification.

Benefits of Mutual Funds for Education Goals
Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers. They make investment decisions based on thorough research and analysis. This professional management helps in optimizing returns while managing risks.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of securities. This diversification spreads risk across different assets, reducing the impact of any single investment's poor performance.

Flexibility: There are various types of mutual funds catering to different risk appetites and investment horizons. For education planning, you can choose from equity funds, debt funds, or balanced funds, depending on your risk tolerance and time frame.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This disciplined approach helps in averaging the cost of investment and building a substantial corpus over time. SIPs are ideal for long-term goals like children's education.

Tax Efficiency: Some mutual funds, like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. This reduces your tax liability while helping you save for your children's education.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are superior to index funds. Fund managers use their expertise to outperform the market. They provide better returns compared to index funds, which merely track market indices.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential is beneficial. Regular funds come with expert advice and guidance. Direct funds, on the other hand, require you to make investment decisions yourself. Professional guidance reduces the chances of making poor investment decisions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. They allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. This helps in averaging the cost of investment and building a corpus over time.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a government-backed savings scheme. It offers tax benefits and attractive interest rates. It is a safe investment option for long-term goals like children's education.

National Savings Certificate (NSC)
NSC is another government-backed scheme. It provides guaranteed returns and tax benefits. It's a low-risk investment option suitable for conservative investors.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
If you have daughters, consider SSY. It is specifically designed for the girl child's education and marriage expenses. It offers high returns and tax benefits.

Child Education Plans
Child education plans offered by insurance companies combine insurance and investment. They provide financial protection and help in building a corpus for education. However, these plans may come with high charges. Hence, evaluate them carefully.

Avoiding ULIPs
Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs) combine insurance and investment. However, they have high charges and complex structures. Separate your insurance and investment needs for better returns.

Reviewing Investments Regularly
Regularly review your investments. Ensure they align with your goals. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Adjust your investments as needed.

Starting Early
The earlier you start investing, the better. Time allows your investments to grow. Compounding works best when you invest for the long term.

Educating Yourself
Financial literacy is crucial. Understand the basics of investing. Read books, attend seminars, and consult with your CFP. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions.

Involving Your Children
Involve your children in financial planning. Teach them the importance of saving and investing. This helps them understand the value of money and prepares them for future financial responsibilities.

Evaluating Your Risk Tolerance
Assess your risk tolerance. Different investments have different risk levels. Choose investments that match your risk appetite. This ensures you are comfortable with your investment choices.

Setting Up a Separate Account
Set up a separate account for your children's education fund. This keeps the funds earmarked for their education and reduces the temptation to use them for other expenses.

Automating Investments
Automate your investments. Set up auto-debit instructions for SIPs and other investments. This ensures regular investments without fail.

Tax Planning
Plan your taxes efficiently. Utilize tax-saving instruments like PPF, NSC, and ELSS. This reduces your tax liability and increases your investable surplus.

Seeking Professional Advice
Seek advice from a CFP. They provide tailored advice based on your financial situation and goals. Their expertise helps you make the right investment choices.

Avoiding Emotional Decisions
Avoid making emotional decisions. Market volatility can tempt you to make hasty decisions. Stay focused on your long-term goals and avoid reacting to short-term market movements.

Monitoring Inflation
Monitor inflation. The cost of education rises with inflation. Ensure your investments are growing at a rate higher than inflation to meet your goals.

Utilizing Education Loans
Consider education loans as a backup. They can fund higher education without straining your finances. However, aim to save and invest enough to avoid relying solely on loans.

Staying Disciplined
Discipline is key to successful investing. Stick to your investment plan. Avoid unnecessary expenses and stay committed to your savings goals.

Balancing Current and Future Needs
Balance your current and future needs. While saving for education is important, ensure you meet your current financial responsibilities. A balanced approach prevents financial stress.

Encouraging Scholarships
Encourage your children to excel academically. Scholarships reduce the financial burden of education. Motivate them to participate in scholarship programs and competitions.

Exploring Part-time Work
Part-time work teaches responsibility and the value of money. Encourage your older children to take up part-time jobs or internships. This not only adds to their education fund but also provides work experience.

Minimizing Debt
Minimize debt to maximize savings. Avoid unnecessary loans and credit card debts. Interest payments on debt reduce your investable surplus.

Living Within Means
Live within your means. Maintain a lifestyle that suits your income. This ensures you have enough savings for your children's education.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Avoid high-risk investments. While they offer high returns, they also come with high risks. Stick to safer investment options for education goals.

Reinvesting Returns
Reinvest returns from your investments. This helps in compounding and growing your corpus faster. Avoid withdrawing investment returns for short-term needs.

Leveraging Employer Benefits
Leverage employer benefits like provident fund and employee stock options. These can add to your savings for your children's education.

Keeping Updated with Policies
Stay updated with government policies. Policies related to education and savings schemes change. Staying informed helps you take advantage of beneficial schemes.

Understanding the Cost of Education
Research the cost of education. Understand the fees and expenses involved in different courses. This helps in setting realistic goals and planning accordingly.

Encouraging Savings Habit
Encourage a savings habit in your family. Make saving a family activity. This creates a culture of saving and financial responsibility.

Utilizing Mobile Apps
Use mobile apps for budgeting and investing. They help track your expenses and investments easily. Many apps offer insights and advice on managing finances.

Final Insights
Investing in your children's education is a noble goal. It requires careful planning and disciplined execution. With a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh, you have the potential to build a substantial education fund. Set clear goals, diversify your investments, and seek professional advice. Start early and stay disciplined. Your efforts today will secure a bright future for your children.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
This pose massages your abdominal organs and promotes digestion.
2. Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose)
Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
As you exhale, round your back (Cat Pose) and tuck your chin to your chest.
Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
3. Malasana (Garland Pose)
Squat down with your feet wide apart and palms together at your chest.
Keep your spine straight and hold this pose for a few breaths.
This pose helps open up the pelvic area, aiding digestion and elimination.
4. Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
This stretches the abdominal area and stimulates digestion.
Tips:

Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
If constipation persists, consult a doctor and consider working with a yoga coach for personalized guidance.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
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https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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