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42, 1.9L Take Home, How to Invest 75k/month?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 28, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 42, and my current take home is 1.9 lakh per month. I have a home loan for which I paying 50K EMI. Currently my only investment is 5k monthly SIP and monthly EPF for 22k with current balance of 13 lakh. Now after all expenses I am am able to save 70-75k monthly. Can you please share a road map where I should invest money with 30k amount as high liquidity and flexibility and 40 as long term investment and any other suggestions for investment

Ans: Your dedication to securing a well-rounded financial future is excellent. Based on your profile, I’ll outline an investment roadmap that balances liquidity, growth, and long-term wealth creation.

Key Focus Areas for Your Financial Growth
For a comprehensive strategy, it’s essential to look at both liquidity needs and long-term growth. Given your current savings capacity, we’ll divide your Rs. 70-75k monthly savings effectively.

Here’s how to structure your investments with a balanced approach:

1. Allocating Rs. 30,000 for High Liquidity and Flexibility
In this portion, we’ll target investments that offer quick access to funds while providing a safety net for emergencies and short-term goals.

Liquid Funds
Liquid funds are low-risk and give quick access to cash within a day or two. These funds invest in short-term securities, providing stable returns with high liquidity. This option helps you build an emergency reserve without sacrificing flexibility.

Ultra-Short-Term Funds
Ultra-short-term funds offer slightly better returns than liquid funds but still maintain liquidity. They suit short-term goals and unexpected expenses. Ultra-short-term funds usually require a holding period of three months for optimal returns.

Recurring Deposits (RD)
If you prefer traditional investments, consider an RD with a 6-12 month term. It’s ideal for conservative investors seeking stable growth in liquid funds. It adds a disciplined approach to your savings without tying up funds long-term.

Money Market Funds
Money market funds provide a stable place for parking cash with moderate returns. They invest in high-quality, short-term debt instruments, offering security and fast access to funds. You can liquidate these investments quickly if needed.

2. Allocating Rs. 40,000 for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Long-term investments form the backbone of your financial growth. We’ll focus on higher-growth instruments for wealth building.

Equity Mutual Funds for High Returns
Equity mutual funds are ideal for a 5-10 year horizon and have high growth potential. With actively managed funds, your investment is continuously optimised by fund managers to outperform the market. Unlike index funds, actively managed funds allow for strategic shifts based on market conditions.

Balanced Advantage Funds for Stability and Growth
These funds blend equity and debt, balancing risk while delivering steady returns. They dynamically adjust between debt and equity, helping reduce volatility. They’re a safe choice if you want exposure to equity with controlled risk.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a government-backed option with tax-free returns and long-term benefits. It’s an excellent choice for retirement planning and fits well into a tax-efficient portfolio. It provides a 15-year horizon, aligning with long-term goals.

Debt Funds for Low-Risk Growth
Debt funds are suitable for steady, low-risk income. They invest in corporate bonds and government securities, providing reliable returns. They’re tax-efficient for long-term investors, especially if your income tax slab is high.

Assessing Your Home Loan and EMI Payment Strategy
Paying Rs. 50,000 monthly towards EMI affects your cash flow. You may consider partial pre-payments when feasible to reduce the loan burden. This strategy can help reduce interest over time and ease cash flow, freeing funds for further investment.

Strengthening Your Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential to manage unexpected expenses without disrupting your investments.

Set aside six months’ expenses in a high-liquidity option.

Liquid funds or ultra-short-term funds are excellent choices for this buffer.

Aim to allocate a portion of your Rs. 30,000 liquidity funds toward building this reserve.

Enhance Long-Term Security with Retirement Planning
Your monthly EPF contribution of Rs. 22,000 is a strong start. However, considering your future expenses, bolstering your retirement fund will help you secure financial freedom.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS provides tax-efficient growth for retirement. It invests in equity and debt based on your chosen risk profile, ensuring consistent growth for retirement. NPS offers benefits under Section 80C and 80CCD, giving you tax savings along with growth.

PPF Contributions
Consider supplementing EPF with PPF to balance your retirement fund. PPF provides assured returns, tax efficiency, and can serve as a reliable income source in retirement.

Avoid Direct Funds for Optimized Guidance and Security
Direct funds require continuous market knowledge and time to manage. Instead, consider investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. This guidance brings expertise and helps you make strategic choices in volatile markets, giving better returns without direct fund challenges.

Tax Implications for Your Investments
Your investments should also focus on tax efficiency to maximise post-tax returns.

Equity Mutual Fund Taxation
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Equity investments should be held long-term to gain tax benefits.

Debt Fund Taxation
Debt funds are taxed as per your income slab, whether LTCG or STCG. They’re tax-efficient for those in high tax brackets and suit a stable, long-term portfolio.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio for Balanced Growth
To achieve a balanced portfolio, you’ll want diversity across asset classes, combining high growth with stability.

Gold Bonds
Gold bonds are government-backed, low-risk, and help hedge against inflation. They’re also tax-efficient and have no capital gains tax if held to maturity, making them ideal for a diversified portfolio.

Large-Cap and Mid-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds provide stability and lower risk, while mid-cap funds offer higher growth. Combining these funds aligns with your risk appetite and long-term growth goals.

Final Insights
A well-planned investment strategy can create financial stability and growth for your future. By focusing on a balanced approach, with Rs. 30,000 for liquidity and Rs. 40,000 for long-term investments, you secure flexibility and future wealth.

Stay consistent with these contributions, and make adjustments as needed. Working with a Certified Financial Planner can further refine this roadmap, helping you optimise each step of your investment journey.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Hi, I am 28 years old. Have not made any investment till now but have saved about 4 lacs in past 2 years. My in hand is about 1lac. And have been saving 30k pm. I want to invest that 30k. My rent is 20k, emis are like 20k and 20k is misc and personal,10k buffer, split into invest or personal depends. If there is a better split, please suggest that as well. And please suggest how should I invest that 30k.
Ans: Financial Planning for a 28-Year-Old
Current Financial Situation:
• Age: 28 years
• Savings: Accumulated 4 lakhs in the past 2 years.
• Monthly Income: In-hand income of 1 lakh.
• Monthly Savings: Saving 30,000 rupees per month.
• Expenses Breakdown:
• Rent: 20,000 rupees
• EMIs: 20,000 rupees
• Miscellaneous and Personal Expenses: 20,000 rupees
• Buffer Fund: 10,000 rupees
Analysis and Recommendations:
1. Emergency Fund:
• Ensure the buffer fund of 10,000 rupees is maintained as an emergency fund.
• Aim to build an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of living expenses to cover unforeseen financial needs.
2. Debt Repayment:
• Consider allocating a portion of your savings towards accelerating debt repayment, especially if the interest rates on your EMIs are high.
• Prioritize paying off high-interest debts to reduce financial burden and improve cash flow.
3. Investment Allocation:
• With 30,000 rupees available for investment, consider a balanced approach between wealth accumulation and personal needs.
4. Investment Strategy:
• Long-Term Wealth Accumulation:
• Allocate a significant portion of your monthly savings towards long-term investments to harness the power of compounding.
• Consider investing in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds or index funds to benefit from potential market growth over time.
• Start a SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) to invest a fixed amount regularly, enabling disciplined wealth creation.
• Short-Term Goals and Personal Expenses:
• Allocate a portion of your savings towards meeting short-term financial goals and personal expenses.
• Maintain liquidity for immediate needs and future financial goals such as travel, further education, or purchasing assets.
5. Revised Expense Allocation:
• Evaluate your monthly expenses and consider adjusting the allocation based on priority and necessity.
• Ensure a balance between essential expenses, debt repayment, savings, and discretionary spending.
6. Regular Review and Adjustments:
• Regularly review your financial situation, goals, and investment portfolio to make necessary adjustments.
• Stay informed about market trends and seek professional advice if needed to optimize your investment strategy.
Conclusion:
• By adopting a balanced approach between long-term wealth accumulation and meeting short-term needs, you can achieve financial stability and pursue your life goals with confidence.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I'm 35 having 4 lakhs on MF and stocks. I earn 1.3 lakhs per.month having a plot loan of 12 lakhs and have a kid . My wife earns 1.2 lakhs and I use most of the salary amount from both of us upto 1 lakh on pre payment of plot loan every month including the emi. I spend around 40k on monthly expenses and 10k for house rent. Could you please guide us how to invest more and which sector to invest to have a stable income in near future within 5 years.
Ans: Financial Planning for Stable Income within Five Years
You are 35 years old with a combined family income of Rs 2.5 lakhs per month. You have a plot loan of Rs 12 lakhs and an investment of Rs 4 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks. Managing finances while raising a child and pre-paying your plot loan is commendable. This guide will help you optimize your investment strategy to achieve stable income within five years.

Genuine Compliments and Understanding
Your dedication to managing loans and saving for the future is impressive. Balancing expenses and investments while planning for stability shows great foresight and discipline.

Current Financial Overview
Income and Expenses
Combined monthly income: Rs 2.5 lakhs
Monthly expenses: Rs 40,000
House rent: Rs 10,000
Plot loan pre-payment and EMI: Rs 1 lakh
You have a disciplined approach towards loan repayment, which is excellent for reducing debt quickly. However, it is essential to balance loan pre-payment with investments to ensure future stability.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals
Short-Term Goals (Within 5 Years)
Achieve Stable Income: Focus on creating multiple income streams to ensure financial stability.
Reduce Debt: Continue paying off the plot loan to become debt-free sooner.
Increase Investments: Build a diversified investment portfolio for growth and stability.
Long-Term Goals
Retirement Planning: Start planning for retirement to ensure financial security in later years.
Child’s Education: Save for your child’s education to avoid financial strain in the future.
Investment Strategy
Balancing Debt Repayment and Investments
While pre-paying your plot loan is a prudent strategy, it is also crucial to allocate funds towards investments. This ensures that you are building wealth for future needs while reducing debt. Consider the following steps:

Allocate a Fixed Amount for Investments: Set aside a portion of your monthly income specifically for investments. This can be in addition to the amount allocated for loan pre-payment.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion for unforeseen circumstances.
Diversifying Investments
Diversification is key to managing risk and achieving stable returns. A balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments can provide growth and stability.

Equity Investments
Actively Managed Mutual Funds: Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market due to professional management. They offer diversified exposure to equities.
Sector-Specific Funds: Consider investing in sector-specific funds that have growth potential. Sectors like technology, healthcare, and finance can offer good returns.
Direct Stocks: Continue minimal investments in stocks, focusing on fundamentally strong companies with growth potential.
Debt Investments
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in debt mutual funds for stable returns. These funds are less volatile compared to equities and provide regular income.
Fixed Deposits and Bonds: Consider fixed deposits and bonds for guaranteed returns. They offer safety and regular interest income.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are guided by professional fund managers who make strategic decisions based on market research. These managers aim to outperform the market by taking advantage of investment opportunities. Regular funds, accessed through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential, provide valuable professional advice and management.

Financial Planning with a Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is crucial for tailored advice based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. A CFP can help you create a balanced investment strategy, ensuring you achieve your long-term objectives.

Portfolio Diversification and Risk Management
A well-diversified portfolio balances risk and reward. By spreading investments across equities, debt, and other asset classes, you can manage risk effectively. Equities offer growth potential, while debt provides stability.

Increasing Savings and Investment Contributions
Consider increasing your savings and investment contributions as your income grows. Allocating a higher portion of your income towards diversified financial instruments will accelerate your wealth accumulation.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are an excellent way to invest regularly and benefit from the power of compounding. Increasing your SIP contributions over time will significantly enhance your investment corpus.

Efficient Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can maximize your investment returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. For instance, investing in Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) can provide tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage
Maintaining an emergency fund is crucial for financial security. This fund provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses, ensuring you don’t need to dip into your investments. Adequate insurance coverage protects against unforeseen events, safeguarding your financial health.

Conclusion
Your decision to either construct a residential building or sell the plot and reinvest the proceeds depends on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and lifestyle preferences. Both options have their merits and drawbacks. Constructing a building can provide steady rental income and asset appreciation, but requires significant initial investment and management. Selling the plot offers liquidity and investment flexibility, potentially yielding higher returns with professional management.

By following the strategies outlined in this guide and consulting with a Certified Financial Planner, you can make an informed decision that aligns with your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi I have around 30 lakhs in MF, 5 lakhs in equity , 4.5 lakhs in PPF AND around 1.5 lakhs in PF. I am 28 as of now how should i plan my investment i can invest 50-60 k per month. I have my parental home so i do not have an immediate goal of buying a home.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
You have already made significant progress in your investments. Your portfolio includes mutual funds, equity, PPF, and PF.

Mutual Funds: Rs. 30 lakhs

Equity: Rs. 5 lakhs

PPF: Rs. 4.5 lakhs

PF: Rs. 1.5 lakhs

You are 28 years old, which is a great age to build a strong financial foundation.

Monthly Investment Capacity
You can invest Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 60,000 per month. This is a substantial amount for wealth creation.

Goals and Time Horizon
Define your financial goals and their time horizons. Common goals might include:

Emergency Fund: Immediate

Retirement: Long-term

Higher Education for Children: Medium to long-term

Travel or Lifestyle Upgrades: Medium-term

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6 to 12 months of expenses. This should be easily accessible.

Retirement Planning
Start planning for retirement early. Invest in a mix of equity and debt for a balanced approach.

Investment Strategy
Your investment strategy should balance growth and safety.

Equity Investments
Mutual Funds: Continue investing in mutual funds. They offer diversification and professional management.

Direct Equity: Direct equity investments can provide high returns but come with higher risk.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Time-Consuming: Managing direct funds requires constant research.

Lack of Professional Guidance: You may miss out on expert advice.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Management: Regular funds are managed by experts.

Convenience: Saves time and provides professional insights.

Debt Investments
PPF: Continue investing in PPF for tax-free returns and safety.

Debt Mutual Funds: These provide stable returns and are more tax-efficient.

Balanced Portfolio
A balanced portfolio reduces risk and maximizes returns.

Suggested Allocation:

Equity: 60% to 70%

Debt: 30% to 40%

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Invest through SIPs for rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.

Tax Planning
Consider tax-efficient investments to minimize your tax burden.

Reviewing and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio regularly and rebalance it to align with your goals.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized planning.

Conclusion
Your financial journey is off to a great start. Continue investing wisely and review your plans regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

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Hello Sir, I am a 30 yesr old male. Currently Unmarried. My salary is 1 lakhs (in hand) per month. I recently took a home loan with 32k emi oer month. I still do not have any ppf or nps or any other kind of savings or investments. Please guide me on how and where to invest. I have to complete the interiors of the house i bought and I am also planning to buy a 4 wheeler under 8lakhs in the next 2 years. Please Guide sir
Ans: You are 30 years old and unmarried. Your monthly salary is Rs. 1 lakh. You have a home loan with an EMI of Rs. 32,000. You need to complete the interiors of your house. You plan to buy a car worth Rs. 8 lakhs in the next two years. You currently have no savings or investments.

Financial Goals
Complete home interiors
Buy a car in two years
Start saving and investing for the future
Monthly Savings and Budgeting
1. Emergency Fund:

Set aside funds for emergencies. Aim to save 6 months of expenses. This should be around Rs. 3 lakhs. Start by saving Rs. 10,000 per month.

2. Home Interiors:

Estimate the cost for home interiors. Allocate Rs. 10,000 per month for this. This will help you avoid taking more debt.

3. Car Purchase:

Save for your car purchase. Aim to save Rs. 8 lakhs in 2 years. Save Rs. 30,000 per month for this goal.

Investment Strategy
1. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It's a good long-term investment. Invest Rs. 5,000 per month.

2. National Pension System (NPS):

NPS helps build a retirement corpus. It offers tax benefits too. Invest Rs. 5,000 per month.

3. Mutual Funds:

Actively managed funds can offer better returns. Avoid index funds as they may have lower returns. Start with Rs. 10,000 per month in mutual funds. Choose funds with a good track record.

4. Debt Funds:

Include debt funds for stability. They offer lower risk and steady returns. Invest Rs. 5,000 per month in debt funds.

Risk Management
1. Diversification:

Diversify your investments. Spread them across different assets. This reduces risk and ensures stability.

2. Insurance:

Ensure adequate insurance coverage. Health insurance and term insurance are essential. They protect you and your assets.

Tax Planning
1. Tax-efficient Investments:

Invest in tax-saving instruments. PPF, NPS, and ELSS offer tax benefits. Plan your investments to reduce tax liability.

2. Tax-saving Strategies:

Utilise tax-saving strategies. Maximise benefits under Section 80C, 80D, and other sections.

Monitoring and Review
1. Regular Monitoring:

Monitor your investments regularly. Track performance and make necessary adjustments.

2. Annual Review:

Review your financial plan annually. Assess progress towards your goals. Adjust investments based on performance.

Final Insights
Start by building an emergency fund. Allocate funds for home interiors and car purchase. Invest systematically in PPF, NPS, mutual funds, and debt funds. Diversify your portfolio and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Regular monitoring and annual reviews will help you stay on track. With disciplined planning, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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