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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Imtiyaz Question by Imtiyaz on Jun 04, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 41 years old aspiring to retire at 55 years. I ear 4 lacs a month. After all expenses, I can save around 2 lacs a month. I want a corpse of 5 cr at retirement. How shall I go ahead with investment?

Ans: Retirement planning is essential for financial security. Given your desire to retire at 55, strategic investment is vital. Your income and savings capacity set a strong foundation. Let’s explore a step-by-step approach to achieve your goal of accumulating Rs 5 crore by retirement.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Firstly, it’s important to understand your current financial status. You earn Rs 4 lakhs per month and save Rs 2 lakhs after expenses. At 41, you have 14 years to grow your savings. This timeline is sufficient but requires disciplined and informed investment strategies.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Your goal is to amass Rs 5 crore by the age of 55. Breaking down this target into manageable steps helps in formulating an effective investment plan.

Calculate the Total Savings Needed: You need Rs 5 crore in 14 years. Using a financial calculator, we can estimate the monthly savings required.

Establish a Savings Plan: With your current savings rate of Rs 2 lakhs per month, we need to project the growth of these savings to ensure they meet your target.

Estimating Growth with Compound Interest
Compound interest is a powerful tool in wealth accumulation. Let's assume an annual return of 12%, a reasonable expectation for a diversified investment portfolio. Using this rate, we can calculate the future value of your monthly savings.

Formula: Future Value = P * ((1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1) / (r/n)

Where:

P = monthly savings (Rs 2 lakhs)
r = annual interest rate (0.12)
n = number of times interest is compounded per year (12)
t = number of years (14)
Using these variables, you can calculate the future value of your savings.

Choosing the Right Investment Vehicles
Selecting the right mix of investments is crucial. A diversified portfolio reduces risk and enhances returns. Here are some investment options to consider:

1. Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from many investors to purchase securities. They offer diversification, professional management, and liquidity. Actively managed mutual funds, in particular, are beneficial due to their potential for higher returns compared to index funds.

Equity Mutual Funds: Suitable for long-term growth. They invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns.
Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities and are less volatile than equity funds. They provide stability and regular income.
2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIP is a method of investing a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. It instills financial discipline and takes advantage of rupee cost averaging, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Advantages of SIP:
Regular investing minimizes the risk of market timing.
Helps in building a large corpus over time.
Suitable for your monthly saving capacity.
Calculating Future Value of SIP
Assume you invest Rs 2 lakhs monthly via SIP in equity mutual funds with an expected return of 12% per annum.

Formula: Future Value of SIP = P * ((1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1) / (r/n)

Using this formula with:

P = Rs 2 lakhs
r = 0.12
n = 12
t = 14
You can determine the future value of your SIP investments.

Balancing Your Investment Portfolio
Diversification is key to minimizing risks. Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt mutual funds is prudent.

1. Equity Mutual Funds:
Large-Cap Funds: Invest in large, well-established companies. These funds offer stability and moderate returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in medium and small-sized companies with high growth potential. These are riskier but can yield higher returns.
2. Debt Mutual Funds:
Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for conservative investors, offering lower returns but higher stability.
Long-Term Debt Funds: These can provide better returns compared to short-term funds and are less volatile than equity funds.
Periodic Review and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your investment portfolio is crucial. Markets fluctuate, and your financial goals may change. Rebalancing ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and objectives.

1. Annual Review:
Assess the performance of your investments.
Adjust the allocation between equity and debt funds if necessary.
Ensure your portfolio remains diversified and aligned with your retirement goal.
Tax Considerations
Understanding the tax implications of your investments can help maximize returns. Different investment vehicles have varying tax treatments.

1. Equity Mutual Funds:
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains over Rs 1 lakh in a financial year are taxed at 10%.
Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): Gains are taxed at 15%.
2. Debt Mutual Funds:
LTCG: Gains are taxed at 20% after indexation.
STCG: Gains are added to your income and taxed as per your income slab.
Utilizing Tax Saving Instruments
Investing in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act can reduce your taxable income. However, ensure these investments align with your overall financial plan.

1. Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS):
ELSS funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C and have a mandatory lock-in period of three years. They primarily invest in equities and can offer substantial returns.

2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):
PPF is a long-term savings instrument with tax benefits. The interest earned and the maturity amount are tax-free, providing a safe investment option.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Let's summarize the future value calculation for your monthly SIP investments to estimate the corpus at retirement.

Monthly Investment (P): Rs 2 lakhs
Annual Interest Rate (r): 12%
Compounding Frequency (n): 12
Investment Period (t): 14 years
Using the future value formula, we can calculate the corpus at retirement. This projection will show if your savings will meet the Rs 5 crore target.

Monitoring Inflation
Inflation erodes purchasing power over time. Considering inflation in your retirement planning ensures that your corpus retains its value.

1. Inflation Rate Assumption:
Assume an average inflation rate of 6% per annum. This impacts the real value of your retirement corpus.

2. Adjusting for Inflation:
Calculate the inflation-adjusted value of Rs 5 crore.
Ensure your investments grow at a rate higher than inflation.
Risk Management
Investing involves risks, and managing these risks is crucial for financial stability. Diversifying your investments and choosing a mix of assets can mitigate risks.

1. Market Risk:
Equity investments are subject to market volatility. Diversification across sectors and companies reduces this risk.

2. Credit Risk:
Debt investments carry credit risk, the possibility of default by issuers. Selecting high-quality debt instruments minimizes this risk.

Seeking Professional Guidance
While you can manage your investments independently, seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized strategies.

1. Advantages of CFP:
Expertise in financial planning and investment management.
Personalized advice based on your financial goals and risk tolerance.
2. Periodic Consultations:
Regular meetings with a CFP ensure your investment strategy remains on track. Adjustments based on market conditions and life changes can be made promptly.

Final Insights
Achieving a retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore by the age of 55 requires strategic planning and disciplined investing. Your current saving capacity of Rs 2 lakhs per month is a strong start. By leveraging the power of compound interest, diversifying your portfolio, and periodically reviewing your investments, you can reach your goal.

A combination of equity and debt mutual funds, along with a systematic investment plan (SIP), provides a balanced approach. Consider tax implications and adjust for inflation to maintain the real value of your corpus.

Remember, investing is a journey that requires regular monitoring and adjustments. Stay informed, seek professional guidance when necessary, and remain committed to your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
Money
My salary 2.4 lac per month. I am 42 my wife and two son comprising of my family. One son is in 5th standard and other yet to start education. I have 2 house emis of 1.6 lacs of which one generates rent of 40k per month. Have around 50 lacs in investment comprising of 20lac in ppf and rest in stocks and sips and mfs. Only have company health insurance and no term insurance. Schooling cost is 1.2 lacs per annum. Rest expenses includes holiday every 6 months and daily needs. Please help me sort out investment to ensure I can generate enough to retire in next 10 years?
Ans: You have a solid foundation, and it’s commendable that you are managing two home loans while balancing various investments. Your monthly salary of Rs 2.4 lakhs and an EMI burden of Rs 1.6 lakhs shows you are carrying significant financial responsibility. However, generating Rs 40,000 from rent is helping reduce the impact of your EMIs.

Key highlights:

Monthly salary: Rs 2.4 lakhs
Two house EMIs: Rs 1.6 lakhs
Rent: Rs 40,000 per month
Investment portfolio: Rs 50 lakhs (Rs 20 lakhs in PPF, rest in stocks, SIPs, and MFs)
Annual schooling cost: Rs 1.2 lakhs
Other expenses: Holiday every 6 months, daily needs
No term insurance
Company health insurance only
While you have done well to invest Rs 50 lakhs, the lack of term insurance and the heavy EMI burden may be areas for improvement. Your goal of retiring in 10 years is achievable, but some adjustments will be necessary to optimize your portfolio and secure a comfortable future.

Investment Strategy Review
Let’s break down your current investments to better align them with your retirement goal in the next 10 years.

PPF (Public Provident Fund) - Rs 20 Lakhs
The PPF is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits, but its returns are relatively modest. Over the next 10 years, this will continue to grow at a steady pace.

Action Plan:

Keep contributing to your PPF but avoid putting additional large sums.
PPF should be treated as part of your safe, low-risk portfolio.
Stocks, SIPs, and Mutual Funds (Rest of Rs 30 Lakhs)
Your exposure to equities through stocks and mutual funds will help you generate growth, but it needs diversification and regular review. SIPs in actively managed funds are ideal for long-term goals like retirement.

Action Plan:

Actively managed mutual funds: Ensure that the mutual funds you are invested in are diversified across sectors and are actively managed.
Avoid direct funds: Regular funds provide better tracking and advice from an MFD with CFP credentials, which is crucial for your long-term planning.
Review your stock portfolio: Individual stocks carry more risk than mutual funds. It is wise to regularly assess performance and sell off underperforming stocks.
Balance with debt funds: Include some debt funds for stability, especially as you approach your retirement goal.
Rental Income from Property
Your rental income of Rs 40,000 per month is a significant contributor to offset your EMIs. While real estate is not recommended as a new investment option, your existing property generating income can support your cash flow needs.

Action Plan:

Rent reassessment: Ensure you are getting market rent or consider raising it over time to adjust for inflation.
No additional real estate investments: Avoid tying more capital into real estate. Focus on growing your financial portfolio instead.
Critical Areas for Improvement
1. Lack of Term Insurance
It’s essential to secure your family’s future in case of any unexpected event. Currently, you do not have term insurance, which is a vital part of any financial plan.

Action Plan:

Immediate term insurance: Buy a term plan covering at least 10-12 times your annual income. This will ensure your family is financially secure if something happens to you.
2. Health Insurance Coverage
You rely on company-provided health insurance. This is risky, as you may lose coverage if you switch jobs or retire early. Having separate family health insurance will ensure consistent protection.

Action Plan:

Buy individual health insurance: Get family floater health insurance with adequate coverage for your entire family, ensuring lifelong renewability.
Supplemental critical illness cover: Consider adding critical illness coverage to protect against major health expenses.
3. EMI Management
You have significant EMIs totaling Rs 1.6 lakhs per month. While one property generates rental income, the overall EMI burden is high. Managing this will be crucial for freeing up cash flow for further investments.

Action Plan:

Prepay EMIs: Any surplus income should go toward prepaying your loans, starting with the one without rental income. Reducing this burden will ease your cash flow.
No additional loans: Avoid taking on any further debt to ensure your financial plan stays on track.
Retirement Planning
You aim to retire in 10 years, at age 52. With your current lifestyle and goals, your investments will need to provide enough to cover your post-retirement expenses. Here’s a strategy to ensure a comfortable retirement:

1. Estimate Future Expenses
Your current schooling costs are Rs 1.2 lakhs per year, and other living expenses include vacations and daily needs. Over the next 10 years, expenses will increase due to inflation, and you must account for these future costs when planning your retirement.

Action Plan:

Create a detailed budget: Track all your current expenses and project them for the next 10 years, considering inflation. This will give you a clearer picture of your financial needs after retirement.
2. Build a Retirement Corpus
With 10 years to go, you will need to create a solid retirement corpus. The Rs 50 lakhs you currently have, along with further investments, will need to grow substantially. Here’s how to optimize this growth:

Action Plan:

Increase SIP contributions: Start contributing more to your SIPs as soon as your EMI burden reduces. A higher SIP contribution in actively managed mutual funds will provide better growth potential over the next decade.
Diversify investments: Include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds to ensure a balanced risk-return profile. Actively managed funds, especially those recommended by a certified financial planner, will perform better than index funds or ETFs.
Regular portfolio review: Work with a certified financial planner to review your portfolio annually. Ensure your funds are performing as expected and make necessary adjustments.
3. Plan for Post-Retirement Income
After retirement, you will need a reliable source of income to meet your monthly expenses. Your investments must be structured to provide regular income, adjusted for inflation.

Action Plan:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Set up SWPs in mutual funds to provide a regular, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement.
Emergency Fund: Set aside a portion of your corpus in a liquid fund for emergencies. This will ensure you don’t have to liquidate long-term investments prematurely.
Final Insights
To achieve your goal of retiring in 10 years, you will need to fine-tune your investment strategy and reduce your EMI burden. Your current investments, while substantial, require diversification and a focus on growth-oriented funds.

Additionally, securing term insurance and individual health insurance is critical for protecting your family’s future. By prepaying your loans and increasing SIP contributions over time, you will be better positioned to build a retirement corpus capable of supporting your post-retirement lifestyle.

Finally, always remember that regular reviews with a certified financial planner are key to staying on track and adjusting for any changes in your financial situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Money
My investment as of now 2 Girls SSY with 16 lakh and 9 lakh depositing very year 3 lakh combined for both daughters. NPS 1.5 lakh with 50 K per year . PF 44Lakh with 10 K additional deduction per month. Mutual fund 40 Lakh with 80 K per month. Shars 11.5 Lakh . NSC of 12 Lakh re investing every 5 years. want to retire at 46 right now age 40 per month salary in hand 1.65 lakh is 8 CR enough as I own my house. what should i do more to have 8 CR at the age of 46 means in another 6 to 7 years. daughters age 8 years and 4 years . Family of 4
Ans: You have diligently built a robust portfolio and taken critical steps to secure your family’s future. Your investments across the Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY), NPS, Provident Fund, mutual funds, and stocks showcase a well-rounded approach to growth and stability.

Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 8 crore by age 46, which is 6-7 years away. Let’s examine your current allocations and recommend strategies to help you achieve your target with minimum risk while ensuring long-term growth for your family.

1. Review of Current Investments

Your investments reflect a thoughtful approach across different instruments. Here’s an overview of their potential impact:

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): With Rs. 16 lakh and Rs. 9 lakh invested for your daughters, contributing Rs. 3 lakh annually is ideal for long-term growth. The SSY interest rate is attractive, offering good returns that can cover educational expenses.

National Pension System (NPS): A yearly investment of Rs. 50,000 in NPS provides moderate growth. However, note that NPS is primarily for retirement benefits, with partial liquidity before 60.

Provident Fund (PF): Your PF of Rs. 44 lakh and Rs. 10,000 monthly addition offers stability. PF rates are generally higher than most fixed-income products, making it a great retirement vehicle.

Mutual Funds: Investing Rs. 40 lakh in mutual funds with an Rs. 80,000 monthly SIP indicates a strong equity focus. This will support higher returns in the long term, aiding in reaching your corpus goal.

Stocks: A portfolio of Rs. 11.5 lakh in direct stocks adds diversification. Continue monitoring these holdings for optimal growth.

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Your Rs. 12 lakh in NSC, reinvested every five years, offers secure returns, though generally lower than equity. NSC is a good component for capital preservation.

2. Retirement Corpus Analysis

To achieve Rs. 8 crore in 6-7 years, let’s consider a balanced growth-focused approach. Your current portfolio value and ongoing contributions provide a solid base. Given a mix of equity, fixed income, and SSY, your potential to reach Rs. 8 crore looks realistic, provided market returns align favorably over time.

Suggested Strategy Adjustments:

Increase SIPs marginally for mutual funds over the next few years. A 10-15% SIP increment can significantly compound your wealth by your target age.

Evaluate your stock portfolio periodically. Aim for quality growth-oriented stocks and avoid high-risk or speculative investments to preserve capital.

3. Enhancing Your Portfolio Strategy

A clear roadmap to enhance growth while managing risk is essential. Here’s a refined strategy for your goal of Rs. 8 crore:

Mutual Funds: Continue prioritizing actively managed funds over index funds. Actively managed funds allow better control over market volatility and have the potential to outperform. Consider increasing your SIP in diversified funds and explore funds that focus on mid- and large-cap equities for stable returns. Avoid direct funds; regular funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provide valuable guidance, optimizing returns with tailored investment insights.

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Consider NSC as a fixed-income backup. Given its low return rate, prioritize reinvestment only if its returns remain competitive against alternative fixed-income options.

National Pension System (NPS): NPS will add value post-retirement, but it lacks liquidity before retirement age. While your annual Rs. 50,000 investment benefits from tax deductions, avoid further increasing it as it will not contribute to your 6-7 year goal.

4. Tax Efficiency and Portfolio Rebalancing

With long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds and short-term gains taxed at 20%, consider:

Setting a long-term strategy to avoid frequent transactions. This will minimize LTCG tax, enhancing net returns. Only redeem equities if essential.

For debt funds, consider short-term fixed-income instruments as they align better with your income tax bracket.

5. Education and Marriage Fund for Your Daughters

Planning for your daughters' future is crucial. SSY is a good foundation, but enhancing it with additional investments will strengthen this corpus:

Balanced Funds: Consider adding balanced mutual funds for your daughters’ future needs. They offer moderate growth with lower risk, making them ideal for long-term goals.

SIPs with Step-Ups: A 10% yearly step-up in your SIPs allocated for their education and marriage could accumulate a strong corpus by the time they reach college-going age.

6. Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage

Your focus on wealth accumulation should not overlook risk management. Here are essential adjustments:

Increase Emergency Fund: Ensure that your emergency fund covers at least 12 months of expenses. Allocate Rs. 8-10 lakh across liquid instruments like short-term debt funds for instant access during unforeseen events.

Insurance Adequacy: Ensure you have sufficient term insurance to cover your family’s financial security. Verify that your life insurance covers liabilities and future education and lifestyle expenses for your children.

7. Structured Approach Towards Asset Allocation

Balancing your portfolio to align with a moderate risk tolerance for the next 6-7 years will reduce potential losses while achieving growth.

Fixed Income: Gradually increase your PF and other debt allocations, as these provide stability and guaranteed returns. This ensures a steady income during volatile market phases.

Equity Allocation: Keep equities dominant in your allocation, as they are the main growth driver. Equity mutual funds, specifically, will play a significant role in achieving your Rs. 8 crore target.

Regular Portfolio Review: Annually review and adjust your portfolio. A CFP can guide you on specific fund performances and market conditions, ensuring your portfolio stays on track.

8. Aligning Goals with Family Security

Since you aim to retire early, ensuring the financial security of your family is essential. Here’s how to safeguard your family’s future:

Establish a Family Trust: Consider setting up a family trust if you aim to secure and pass on assets seamlessly. It can reduce inheritance issues and provide tax-efficient transfers for your children’s benefit.

Child-Specific Funds: Allocate a separate, conservative fund for each child’s major expenses (e.g., marriage or higher education). Consider child plans with a mix of equity and debt, specifically designed to build wealth for such milestones.

9. Final Insights

Your financial journey so far has been effective and well-structured. Minor adjustments, increased SIPs, and a focus on asset allocation will strengthen your goal of achieving Rs. 8 crore by age 46. Regularly consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to stay on track with evolving market trends and optimize your wealth.

Implementing these strategies will not only help you achieve your retirement corpus but also ensure a secure and comfortable future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
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I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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