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37 year old with 75 lakhs in equities, 6 lakhs in bonds, 3 lakhs in emergency fund, no home, and 3 kids: How do I plan my finances?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Satyaprakash Question by Satyaprakash on Jan 30, 2025Hindi
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I am 37 years old with 75 lakhs in equity, 6 lakhs in bonds and 3 lakhs in emergency fund. I don't own a home . Living in rental house. Monthly salary is 1.5 lakhs with savings of 60k per month. Have three kids of 7 year and twins 1 years . How can I plan my financial situation.

Ans: Your financial situation is stable, and your savings rate is good. You have a strong base in equity and a small portion in bonds. Since you have three young children, long-term planning is critical. Below is a structured financial plan for you.

1. Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Equity investments: Rs 75L

Bonds: Rs 6L

Emergency fund: Rs 3L

Monthly salary: Rs 1.5L

Monthly savings: Rs 60K

Living in a rental house

Three children: 7-year-old and 1-year-old twins

You have a good salary and savings rate. Your equity exposure is high, but bonds and emergency funds are low. You need to focus on asset allocation, risk management, and future expenses.

2. Setting Up a Strong Emergency Fund
Emergency funds should cover at least 12 months of expenses.

You currently have Rs 3L, which may not be enough.

Increase it to at least Rs 12L.

Keep it in a mix of liquid funds and bank FDs.

This will protect you from sudden financial shocks.

3. Asset Allocation for Stability
Your current portfolio is heavily tilted towards equity.

You need to balance risk by adding more bonds and fixed-income instruments.

Maintain at least 20-25% of your portfolio in debt.

Increase investments in bonds, debt funds, and other safe instruments.

This will provide stability during market downturns.

4. Future Education Expenses
Your children’s education will be a major expense.

Start a dedicated investment plan for their higher education.

Use a mix of equity mutual funds and debt funds.

Increase allocation as your income grows.

Avoid investment-linked insurance policies.

Planning now will reduce financial stress later.

5. Retirement Planning
You need a strong retirement corpus.

Continue investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Increase your SIPs every year.

Add some allocation to debt to reduce risk as you age.

Do not rely on real estate for retirement income.

Early planning will give you financial freedom.

6. Life and Health Insurance
With three children, life insurance is critical.

Get a term insurance plan with a high sum assured.

Avoid ULIPs and endowment policies.

Health insurance should cover all family members.

Get a super top-up policy for extra coverage.

Proper insurance will secure your family’s future.

7. Investing Your Monthly Savings
Rs 60K savings per month is good, but it should be structured well.

Allocate funds to equity, debt, and emergency reserves.

Increase equity investments through SIPs in actively managed funds.

Avoid index funds due to their rigid structure.

Invest in actively managed funds through a CFP-certified MFD.

A structured investment plan will maximize returns.

8. Planning for Children’s Marriage
Children’s weddings can be a large expense.

Start a dedicated investment for this goal.

Invest in balanced funds to reduce risk.

Increase allocation as the event gets closer.

Early planning will help you manage this cost easily.

9. Managing Rent vs. Buying a Home
You are currently living in a rental house.

Avoid emotional decisions when buying a home.

Consider renting if it is more cost-effective.

Focus on liquidity and flexibility.

This approach will help you maintain financial stability.

10. Tax Planning
Use tax-saving instruments efficiently.

Maximize deductions under Section 80C and 80D.

Invest in ELSS funds for tax benefits.

Avoid tax-inefficient investments like traditional insurance plans.

Proper tax planning will increase your net savings.

11. Periodic Review of Your Portfolio
Financial planning is not a one-time activity.

Review your portfolio every year.

Adjust asset allocation based on market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for better insights.

Regular review will ensure you stay on track.

Finally
Your financial journey is strong, but improvements are needed. You must balance risk and plan for future expenses. Continue disciplined investing and review your plan regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
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hello sir, I am 53 yrs,working in private sector soon to be redundant,(in a year)I have my own house in a appartment my savings are 50 L in FD,s 30 L in Mutual fund ,10L in equity shares.LIC of 10L .3L in as emergency fund,my liabilities are children's education (son in class 10 daughter in class 8. no health insurance(presently company provided)spouse is a housewife please advise me for financial planning including for retirement planning.
Ans: Comprehensive Financial Plan for Redundancy and Retirement
Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You are 53 years old, working in the private sector, and facing redundancy in a year. You own a house in an apartment and have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits, Rs 30 lakh in mutual funds, Rs 10 lakh in equity shares, and Rs 10 lakh in LIC. Additionally, you have Rs 3 lakh as an emergency fund. Your spouse is a housewife, and you have two children in school. You currently lack personal health insurance, relying on company-provided coverage.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Immediate Goals
Redundancy Preparation: Ensure a smooth financial transition after redundancy.
Health Insurance: Secure comprehensive health insurance for your family.
Short-term Goals
Children's Education: Allocate funds for your children's ongoing and future education needs.
Emergency Fund: Strengthen your emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses.
Long-term Goals
Retirement Planning: Create a sustainable retirement plan to maintain your lifestyle.
Wealth Preservation and Growth: Ensure your investments continue to grow while preserving capital.
Analyzing Your Current Assets
Fixed Deposits
You have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits. While FDs offer safety, their returns may not beat inflation in the long term. Consider rebalancing a portion for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your mutual fund portfolio is Rs 30 lakh. Mutual funds are good for long-term growth due to their compounding benefits. Review the performance and diversify if necessary.

Equity Shares
Your equity shares amount to Rs 10 lakh. Equities can provide high returns but come with higher risks. Balance them with safer investments to reduce risk.

LIC Policy
You have an LIC policy with a maturity amount of Rs 10 lakh. Review the policy benefits and consider if it meets your insurance needs.

Emergency Fund
Your emergency fund stands at Rs 3 lakh. Aim to increase this to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses for financial security.

Securing Health Insurance
Comprehensive Health Coverage
With redundancy approaching, securing health insurance is crucial. Opt for a comprehensive family floater plan with a high sum insured to cover medical emergencies.

Preparing for Redundancy
Income Replacement Strategies
Exploring New Opportunities: Start exploring new job opportunities or freelance work to replace your income.
Utilizing Skills and Experience: Leverage your experience for consulting or part-time roles in your industry.
Managing Children's Education Expenses
Creating an Education Fund
Education SIPs: Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in child-specific mutual funds to grow a dedicated education fund.
PPF and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Consider PPF for your son's education and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for your daughter, offering tax benefits and secure returns.
Strengthening Your Emergency Fund
Building a Robust Safety Net
Increase your emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. Use liquid mutual funds or high-yield savings accounts for easy access.

Retirement Planning
Calculating Retirement Corpus
Estimate your post-retirement expenses considering inflation and lifestyle needs. Use retirement calculators to determine the required corpus. For example, if you need Rs 50,000 per month today, with 6% inflation, you’ll need a higher amount in 10 years.

Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds for higher growth potential.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in debt funds for stable returns and reduced risk.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt for balanced growth.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan
Creating a Withdrawal Strategy
Plan a systematic withdrawal strategy from your investments to ensure regular income post-retirement. Consider the 4% rule for sustainable withdrawals.

Tax-efficient Investments
Maximizing Tax Benefits
ELSS Funds: Invest in Equity Linked Savings Scheme for tax-saving benefits under Section 80C.
NPS Contributions: Consider the National Pension System for additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD.
Reviewing and Adjusting Insurance Coverage
Adequate Life Insurance
Ensure your life insurance cover is sufficient to meet your family’s needs in your absence. Term insurance offers high coverage at low premiums. Review your existing LIC policy and consider additional term insurance if necessary.

Diversified Investment Portfolio
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor your investment portfolio and rebalance to align with your financial goals. Adjust asset allocation based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Engage a Certified Financial Planner to create a detailed, personalized financial plan. A CFP provides professional insights and strategies tailored to your financial situation and goals.

Final Insights
Securing your financial future involves strategic planning and disciplined investing. Address immediate needs, such as health insurance and redundancy preparation, while building a robust retirement corpus. Regularly review and adjust your investments for optimal growth and risk management. With careful planning, you can achieve financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi ma'am, my earning is 1.5k pm house expenses is around 50k pm and have 2 kids 5 (girl) &2yrs(boy) , i have 10k mf(pm), i have loan (without interest) is around 9lac, how don I plan my financial. Thanks in advance... ????
Ans: With a monthly earning of Rs 1.5 lakhs and house expenses around Rs 50,000, managing your finances effectively is crucial, especially with two young children, a girl aged 5 and a boy aged 2. You also mentioned a monthly mutual fund investment of Rs 10,000 and an interest-free loan of Rs 9 lakhs. Let's break down your financial situation and develop a comprehensive plan to ensure your financial goals are met.

Monthly Budgeting and Cash Flow Management
First, let's evaluate your monthly cash flow. Your income is Rs 1.5 lakhs, and house expenses are Rs 50,000. This leaves you with Rs 1 lakh for other financial commitments and savings.

You are already investing Rs 10,000 in mutual funds monthly. This is a positive step towards building your financial future. However, let's look at other potential expenses and savings.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential. It provides a safety net for unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save at least 6 months of your living expenses. With house expenses of Rs 50,000, your emergency fund should be around Rs 3 lakhs.

Start by setting aside a portion of your monthly surplus until you reach this target. This fund should be kept in a liquid and accessible form, such as a savings account or a liquid mutual fund.

Managing Your Loan
You have an interest-free loan of Rs 9 lakhs. While the lack of interest is beneficial, it's important to plan its repayment strategically. Allocate a portion of your monthly surplus to repay this loan. Without the pressure of interest, you can prioritize other financial goals but ensure timely repayments to maintain financial discipline.

Children's Education and Future Needs
Your children are young, but planning for their education and future expenses should start early. Consider starting a dedicated investment for their education.

You can allocate a portion of your monthly surplus to a mix of equity and debt funds tailored for long-term goals. Equity funds generally offer higher returns over the long term, while debt funds provide stability.

Retirement Planning
Even though retirement might seem far away, starting early can significantly ease the burden later. You can set aside a part of your monthly surplus for retirement.

Consider investing in a mix of equity and balanced funds to create a diversified portfolio. The power of compounding will work in your favor over the long term.

Reviewing Your Mutual Fund Investments
You are currently investing Rs 10,000 monthly in mutual funds. Let's evaluate the types of funds you're invested in. It's essential to have a balanced portfolio that aligns with your risk appetite and financial goals.

Actively managed funds can provide better returns than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers. While index funds simply track a market index, actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. They can be more flexible and adaptable to market changes.

Insurance Planning
Life Insurance

Adequate life insurance coverage is crucial, especially with dependents. Ensure you have sufficient term insurance to cover your family's needs in case of an unfortunate event. A cover of at least 10-15 times your annual income is generally recommended.

Health Insurance

With two young children, health insurance is a must. Opt for a family floater plan that provides adequate coverage for all family members. Ensure it includes benefits like cashless hospitalization, critical illness cover, and regular health check-ups.

Investment Strategy
Given your financial commitments and goals, a diversified investment strategy is essential. Regularly investing through a Certified Financial Planner can provide several advantages. They offer professional advice, helping you choose the right funds based on your goals and risk tolerance.

Direct mutual funds, while cheaper, require a deeper understanding of the market. With regular funds, you benefit from the planner’s expertise and ongoing portfolio management.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can help you save significantly. Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C like PPF, EPF, and tax-saving mutual funds. Additionally, health insurance premiums qualify for deductions under Section 80D.

Long-Term Financial Goals
Setting clear financial goals is crucial. Whether it's buying a house, planning for children's higher education, or creating a retirement corpus, having specific targets helps in disciplined investing.

Review your goals periodically and adjust your investments accordingly.

Monitoring and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly monitoring your investments ensures they remain aligned with your goals. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Rebalance your portfolio at least annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Final Insights
Financial planning is an ongoing process. It requires regular review and adjustments. Your current financial habits, such as monthly mutual fund investments, are commendable. By focusing on budgeting, emergency funds, loan management, children's education, retirement planning, and adequate insurance, you can build a secure financial future.

Working with a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with tailored advice and help you navigate complex financial decisions.

Stay disciplined, review your goals regularly, and adjust your strategies as needed. Financial security is achievable with careful planning and consistent effort.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, my earning is 1.5k pm. My house expenses is around 50k pm and have 2 kids 5 (girl) &2yrs(boy) , i have 10k mf(pm), i have loan (without interest) is around 9lac, how don I plan my finance. Thanks in advance... ????
Ans: Your situation reflects a balanced financial setup, and your desire to plan efficiently for your family’s future is commendable. Let’s delve into a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
You earn Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month and spend Rs. 50,000 on household expenses. This leaves you with Rs. 1 lakh per month for other financial goals and obligations. Your two young children require future financial planning for education and other needs.

You also invest Rs. 10,000 per month in mutual funds and have an interest-free loan of Rs. 9 lakhs.

Cash Flow Management
Effective cash flow management is the cornerstone of any financial plan. With Rs. 50,000 monthly expenses, you have a significant amount left for savings and investments. This positive cash flow is an excellent foundation.

First, let’s prioritize your current commitments and then focus on future goals.

Managing Debt
The interest-free loan of Rs. 9 lakhs is a boon. This reduces the burden compared to interest-bearing loans. Prioritize paying off this debt within a set timeline, ideally 2-3 years. Allocate a fixed amount monthly towards this repayment. Given your current savings potential, allocating Rs. 30,000 monthly will help clear this loan in about 30 months. This disciplined approach will free up more funds for investments later.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for unexpected situations. You should aim to save at least 6 months of your monthly expenses, which totals Rs. 3 lakhs. Given your savings capacity, start by setting aside Rs. 20,000 per month. In 15 months, you will have a sufficient emergency corpus.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
Your current monthly SIP of Rs. 10,000 in mutual funds is a great start. Mutual funds offer a variety of options suitable for different risk appetites and goals.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals, like your children’s education. These funds have the potential for high returns due to their investment in stocks. With your moderate risk appetite, you can diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. These funds leverage the power of compounding, which can significantly grow your wealth over time.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds are more stable and suitable for short-term goals or as a balance to your equity investments. They invest in fixed-income securities and provide regular income with lower risk compared to equity funds.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds offer a mix of equity and debt, balancing growth and stability. These are good for investors looking for moderate risk with reasonable returns.

Increasing SIPs
Once your loan is repaid, consider increasing your SIP amount. Gradually increase your SIPs to Rs. 30,000-40,000 per month. This consistent investment will accumulate substantial wealth over the years.

Avoiding Direct Funds
While direct funds might seem cost-effective due to lower expense ratios, they require active management and financial expertise. Regular funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner, provide professional guidance and active fund management. This can enhance your portfolio performance and align investments with your financial goals.

Children's Education Planning
Education costs are rising, and early planning is crucial.

Child Education Plan
Invest in child education plans offered by mutual funds. These funds are tailored for long-term growth and can help meet significant education expenses. Start with a mix of equity and hybrid funds to balance growth and stability.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana
For your daughter, consider the Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana, a government-backed scheme with attractive interest rates and tax benefits. Regular contributions can secure her future education and marriage expenses.

Retirement Planning
Even though retirement might seem distant, starting early ensures a comfortable future.

National Pension System (NPS)
The NPS is an excellent retirement planning tool with tax benefits. Allocate a fixed amount monthly towards NPS. The diversified investment in equity and debt under NPS ensures a balanced growth of your retirement corpus.

Mutual Funds for Retirement
Besides NPS, continue with mutual fund SIPs. Equity mutual funds, over a long horizon, can accumulate substantial wealth. The power of compounding works best with long-term investments, making your retirement corpus grow significantly.

Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect your family’s financial future.

Term Insurance
Ensure you have a term insurance plan covering at least 10-15 times your annual income. This ensures your family’s financial stability in case of any unforeseen event.

Health Insurance
With rising medical costs, having comprehensive health insurance is vital. Ensure your health insurance covers your entire family, including your children. A Rs. 10-20 lakh cover should be adequate given current healthcare inflation.

Long-Term Wealth Creation
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are an excellent way to create long-term wealth. They provide the discipline of regular investing and benefit from rupee cost averaging. Increase your SIPs as your income grows and debts reduce. Focus on a diversified portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Avoiding Annuities
Annuities, while providing regular income, often come with high costs and lower returns compared to mutual funds. They also lack the flexibility and growth potential of mutual funds. Focus on building a robust mutual fund portfolio for better returns and flexibility.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly review your financial plan to ensure it aligns with your goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change, necessitating adjustments.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation. This involves selling assets that have overperformed and buying those that have underperformed. This strategy ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is unique, and with disciplined planning, you can achieve your goals. Focus on paying off your debt, building an emergency fund, and investing systematically in mutual funds. Ensure adequate insurance coverage to protect your family’s future. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track.

Remember, the power of compounding and disciplined investing can work wonders over time. Stay committed to your financial plan, and you will see your wealth grow, securing a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

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Money
I have 41yrs old and earning 1.8 lacs per month,, married 14years ago two kids one daughter Nd son,I have home loan,own flat and bought one flat by paid cash flat worth 75lac and another plot 30lacs have 5lacs health insurance,2cr term insurance How do I plan my financial plan please suggest me
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 41 years
Monthly Income: Rs 1.8 lakhs
Family: Married with two children
Assets:
Own flat (home loan)
Flat worth Rs 75 lakhs (paid cash)
Plot worth Rs 30 lakhs
Insurance:
Health Insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term Insurance: Rs 2 crores
Appreciating Your Efforts
You have made good progress with property investments and securing your family's future with health and term insurance.

Financial Goals
Children’s Education and Marriage
Retirement Planning
Loan Repayment
Emergency Fund
Investment Strategy
Children's Education and Marriage
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Start SIPs in diversified mutual funds.
Allocate specific SIPs for education and marriage goals.
Recurring Deposits:

Open RDs for medium-term goals.
Ensure liquidity for urgent needs.
Retirement Planning
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Maximize annual contribution to PPF for tax benefits and long-term savings.
National Pension System (NPS):

Invest in NPS for an additional retirement corpus and tax benefits.
Mutual Funds:

Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds.
Consider balanced advantage funds for stability and growth.
Loan Repayment
Home Loan:
Prioritize paying off the home loan.
Increase EMI payments if possible to reduce tenure and interest.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity:
Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a savings account or liquid fund.
Asset Allocation
Equity:

Invest 60% in diversified mutual funds.
Allocate towards large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Debt:

Invest 30% in PPF, NPS, and debt mutual funds.
Ensure stable returns with minimal risk.
Gold and Bonds:

Allocate 10% to gold bonds and other safe instruments.
Hedge against inflation and market volatility.
Insurance Review
Health Insurance:

Consider increasing coverage for comprehensive protection.
Include family members under the same plan.
Term Insurance:

Ensure the term insurance amount is adequate.
Review periodically to match with life stage changes.
Financial Discipline
Budgeting:

Track monthly expenses diligently.
Cut down on unnecessary expenditures.
Regular Review:

Review portfolio quarterly.
Rebalance based on performance and goals.
Final Insights
You are on a solid financial footing. Prioritize children’s future, retirement, and loan repayment. Ensure a balanced portfolio for growth and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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