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36-Year-Old Engineer in Bangalore Seeks Advice to Generate Passive Income, Invest 5 Crore in Trading, and Achieve Early Retirement

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9728 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 36 years old, I am a software Engineer working with a product based IT company, I have a 3 year old daughter, a brother who is married recently and he is a civil engineer earning a living of 20k per month, I have old parents, I take every one as one family, my wife is an engineer, she was working with Infosys but has quit job for looking at kid, I am earning 2.1 lakhs per month after all tax deduction, I have monthly PF amounting 27k per month, from savings perspective, I have built an apartment in native worth 3-4 cr which gives almost 80k per month and expected to be 1lac a month in recent future which is though built by me and has a pending loan of 19 lakhs, but belongs to me and my younger brother too. My whole PF would be nearing 20 lakhs, I have emergency fund of 7.5 lakhs, and some extra minimal farm income somewhere near a lakh a year again for me and my brother, I own few land plots in native worth a crore, also have farm land in native, some 5 to 6 acres worth 5-7 cr again common to me and my brother, here a notable point is I don't want to sell any immovable and don't have much income generation from these land as I live in different city, I have an equity investment of current value 85 lac, and mutual fund worth 1.5 lakh, I am not a disciplined investor in tools like SIP but I invest with my own cycle.commitment wise I have my family and my daughter and wife with me living currently in bangalore on rent, aspirations for a owned home in future, but not in mood of settling down here, I want to make a passive income of another one lakh by any means of stable less risky investment like FD, and also have 5 crore in savings, and a crore for my trading to generate more income and keep myself busy. I want to retire in another 5-7 years doing trading and something that interests me more, please suggest

Ans: You've done a commendable job in balancing your responsibilities and building a diverse portfolio. Your focus on family unity and long-term financial goals is admirable. Let’s explore how you can achieve your aspirations of generating passive income, increasing your savings, and planning for early retirement in a structured manner.

Current Financial Overview
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs. 2.1 lakhs after tax. You also receive Rs. 80,000 from your apartment, expected to rise to Rs. 1 lakh. This gives you a strong foundation for your financial planning.

Savings and Investments
You have a provident fund nearing Rs. 20 lakhs and an emergency fund of Rs. 7.5 lakhs. Your equity investments are valued at Rs. 85 lakhs, and mutual funds at Rs. 1.5 lakhs. Your approach to investing is not strictly disciplined, but you have significant assets.

Real Estate and Farm Income
Your real estate holdings and farm lands are valuable, although you prefer not to sell them. They provide a sense of security and potential for future income.

Financial Goals
Generate Rs. 1 lakh passive income through low-risk investments.
Save Rs. 5 crores for retirement.
Allocate Rs. 1 crore for trading and personal interests.
Retire in 5-7 years.
Strategy for Passive Income
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
FDs are stable and low-risk. Given the current interest rates, investing in FDs can provide a steady income. To generate Rs. 1 lakh per month, you might need to invest a substantial amount in FDs. Diversify across different banks to mitigate risks.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds offer better returns than FDs and are relatively safe. They invest in government bonds, corporate bonds, and other fixed-income securities. Consider allocating a portion of your investment here to achieve your passive income goals.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs are a blend of equity and debt investments. They provide regular income, though the returns may vary. They are less risky than pure equity funds and can be a good addition to your portfolio.

Increasing Savings to Rs. 5 Crores
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Although you mentioned not being a disciplined investor, starting an SIP in mutual funds can be beneficial. SIPs in actively managed funds offer better potential returns compared to index funds. Regular contributions, even if small, compound over time and help in wealth accumulation.

Diversified Equity Funds
Investing in diversified equity funds through a certified financial planner (CFP) can yield higher returns. A CFP can guide you in selecting funds that align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a long-term investment with tax benefits. It has a lock-in period, but the returns are stable and tax-free. Regular contributions to PPF can significantly boost your savings.

Allocating Rs. 1 Crore for Trading
Direct Stock Investment
With Rs. 1 crore, you can actively trade in the stock market. Focus on blue-chip stocks, which are relatively stable and provide good returns. Ensure you have a solid understanding of market trends and seek professional advice when needed.

Portfolio Management Services (PMS)
If active trading seems daunting, consider PMS. They manage your investments for a fee and aim to maximize returns based on your risk profile and financial goals.

Early Retirement Planning
Retirement Corpus Calculation
To retire in 5-7 years, calculate your retirement corpus considering your expected expenses, inflation, and life expectancy. This helps in determining the amount you need to save and invest.

Annuities and Pension Plans
Although you prefer not to invest in annuities, pension plans can be considered. They provide a regular income post-retirement and offer financial security.

Health Insurance and Contingency Planning
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family. This protects your savings from unexpected medical expenses. Also, maintain a contingency fund to handle unforeseen financial needs.

Asset Allocation and Risk Management
Diversification
Diversify your investments across various asset classes such as equities, debt, and fixed income. This reduces risk and ensures stability in returns.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Periodically review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to align with your changing financial goals and market conditions. This ensures that your investments remain on track.

Professional Advice
Engage a certified financial planner (CFP) to guide your investments. They provide personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals. Investing through a CFP helps in selecting the right funds and managing risks effectively.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Higher Returns Potential
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. Fund managers actively select stocks, bonds, and other securities based on research and market analysis. This can potentially yield higher returns compared to index funds.

Professional Management
Actively managed funds are handled by professional fund managers. They monitor the market trends and make informed decisions to maximize returns. This expertise can be beneficial for your portfolio.

Flexibility
Actively managed funds offer flexibility in investment strategies. Fund managers can adapt to market conditions and make necessary adjustments. This helps in managing risks and capturing growth opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Growth Potential
Index funds aim to replicate market indices. They do not attempt to outperform the market. This limits their growth potential, especially during market upswings.

Lack of Active Management
Index funds are passively managed. They do not involve active decision-making based on market trends. This can be a drawback during volatile market conditions.

Lower Returns
In some market conditions, actively managed funds outperform index funds. By not opting for actively managed funds, you might miss out on potential higher returns.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Guidance
Investing in direct funds means you do not have access to a financial advisor's expertise. This can be challenging, especially in selecting the right funds and managing risks.

Time-Consuming
Managing direct investments requires time and effort. You need to stay updated with market trends, which might not be feasible given your busy schedule.

Potential for Lower Returns
Without professional guidance, there is a risk of making suboptimal investment choices. This can result in lower returns compared to regular funds managed through a certified financial planner (CFP).

Final Insights
You've made significant strides in securing your financial future. By focusing on stable, low-risk investments, increasing your savings, and planning for early retirement, you are on the right path. Diversifying your investments, seeking professional guidance, and regularly reviewing your portfolio will help you achieve your goals.

Your commitment to family and financial security is commendable. With careful planning and disciplined investment, you can achieve your aspirations of generating passive income, increasing your savings, and retiring early to focus on what interests you most.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9728 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
Money
Am 64 yrs old running. I am getting 32K monthly pension. Having 35 L FD, 20L liquid 10 L in trading investment but it's now 9 L Started 20K/ month SIP recently Having commitment of 110000 EMI for a flat for another 25 months total cost 1.2 C. staying in rental flat for 35K a month. Having own house at Native value of 1.5 C Having Plots around 1C Not having idea to sell Old house and plots I can work for 2 yrs and earn about 50 - 60 L Having commitment for 1 daughter marriage Paying 49 K/ Yr for 50 L Term policy till 75 yrs old. Having Gold for 40 L for wife and abt 1C for daughter Pls advise I need 2 L passive income Having 2 cars
Ans: At 64, you have built a solid financial base. You receive Rs 32,000 monthly as pension, which is commendable. Your assets include Rs 35 lakhs in fixed deposits, Rs 20 lakhs in liquid funds, and Rs 9 lakhs in trading investments (initially Rs 10 lakhs). Additionally, you’ve recently started a Rs 20,000 monthly SIP. You also have a significant commitment of Rs 1.1 lakh EMI for a flat, which will continue for another 25 months, with the total cost being Rs 1.2 crore. You currently reside in a rental flat, costing you Rs 35,000 per month, and own a house in your native place worth Rs 1.5 crore. Furthermore, you have plots worth Rs 1 crore and gold valued at Rs 40 lakhs for your wife and Rs 1 crore for your daughter. You also pay Rs 49,000 per year for a Rs 50 lakh term insurance policy, valid until age 75.

Financial Challenges and Goals
High EMI Commitments: Your EMI of Rs 1.1 lakh is a significant burden, especially when combined with your monthly rental of Rs 35,000. This commitment limits your liquidity and investment potential.

Limited Passive Income: You aspire to generate Rs 2 lakh in passive income, which requires a strategic approach given your current financial landscape.

Upcoming Responsibilities: Your daughter’s marriage is a major upcoming financial responsibility, for which you must plan carefully.

Future Employment: You can work for another 2 years and expect to earn Rs 50-60 lakhs, which provides an opportunity to bolster your financial security before full retirement.

Strategic Financial Plan
1. Managing Existing Commitments
EMI and Rental Costs: With only 25 months left on your flat EMI, continue prioritizing these payments to avoid financial strain. Once the EMI is completed, you’ll have more disposable income for investments or savings. You might consider relocating to your flat to save on rent.

Term Policy Review: You’re paying Rs 49,000 annually for a Rs 50 lakh term insurance. Given your age, this coverage is prudent. However, ensure that the premium isn’t causing undue strain on your finances. If necessary, consider downgrading the coverage slightly to reduce the premium, but only if it aligns with your risk tolerance and coverage needs.

2. Building Passive Income Streams
Enhancing SIP Contributions: You’ve started a Rs 20,000 monthly SIP, which is a great step. To achieve your goal of Rs 2 lakh in passive income, consider increasing your SIP amount gradually, especially after your EMI commitments are fulfilled. Over time, your SIPs will compound and provide a substantial passive income stream.

Fixed Deposits and Liquid Funds: Your Rs 35 lakh in FDs and Rs 20 lakh in liquid funds provide safety but low returns. To boost income, consider gradually shifting a portion into debt mutual funds or balanced advantage funds. These can provide higher returns with moderate risk.

Trading Investments: Your trading portfolio has decreased from Rs 10 lakhs to Rs 9 lakhs. Trading can be volatile and risky. It might be prudent to reduce exposure to high-risk trading and instead focus on stable, income-generating investments.

Realigning Investments: Given your conservative risk profile and the need for regular income, shift from direct equity trading to mutual funds. Opt for actively managed funds that balance growth and income. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a diversified portfolio.

3. Addressing Future Financial Responsibilities
Daughter’s Marriage: With significant gold reserves (Rs 40 lakhs for your wife and Rs 1 crore for your daughter), you are well-prepared for your daughter’s marriage. If additional funds are needed, consider utilizing a portion of your liquid funds or fixed deposits. Avoid selling long-term assets like your house or plots unless absolutely necessary.

Future Earnings: The Rs 50-60 lakhs you expect to earn in the next 2 years can be strategically allocated. Consider using this income to clear any remaining EMI quickly, thus freeing up cash flow. Also, allocate a portion towards high-return investments to boost your retirement corpus.

4. Optimizing Asset Utilization
Real Estate Holdings: While you don’t intend to sell your native house or plots, consider their potential as income-generating assets. Renting out the native house or plots could provide additional passive income. However, avoid taking on additional real estate investments, as they can be illiquid and may not align with your need for a steady income.

Gold Holdings: Your gold holdings are substantial, providing security for your daughter’s marriage. Avoid liquidating these assets unless necessary, as they are a hedge against inflation and a valuable part of your portfolio.

5. Retirement and Estate Planning
Retirement Corpus Growth: Post-EMI, focus on maximizing your retirement corpus through a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. This balanced approach can provide both growth and stability, ensuring you meet your Rs 2 lakh passive income goal.

Estate Planning: Ensure you have a comprehensive estate plan in place, including a will. This will help in the smooth transfer of your assets to your heirs and minimize any potential legal complications.

Investment Approach
1. Shift from Direct Trading to Managed Funds
Direct trading has caused a loss of Rs 1 lakh in your portfolio. Transitioning to actively managed mutual funds will provide professional management and reduce the risk. Managed funds can outperform in the long run, especially with a focus on your retirement goals.

2. Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they require active management and market knowledge. By investing through a Certified Financial Planner in regular funds, you gain expert advice, portfolio management, and peace of mind. The higher returns often compensate for the slightly higher fees, making it a more suitable option for you.

3. Avoid Index Funds
Index funds, though low-cost, merely replicate market performance. They lack the flexibility to adapt to changing market conditions, which is crucial as you approach retirement. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, can adjust portfolios to protect against downside risks, ensuring more stable returns for your passive income needs.

Final Insights
You are on a strong financial footing with diversified assets and a clear vision for your future. The focus should now be on optimizing your investments and reducing unnecessary risks.

Once your EMI is cleared, you’ll have greater flexibility to invest in avenues that provide steady passive income. By gradually increasing your SIP contributions, shifting to managed mutual funds, and leveraging your real estate for rental income, you can achieve your goal of Rs 2 lakh monthly passive income.

Continue working for the next two years to build your retirement corpus further, ensuring a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Finally, stay engaged with a Certified Financial Planner to regularly review and adjust your strategy, ensuring you remain on track to meet your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9728 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Money
Hello Ramalingam sir, Nice to see you are replying to numerous queries raised by young Indians. Thank you very much. I and my wife earn 4,60,000 per month(post tax), we both age at 39 years. Two kids(daughter 9 years, son 2 years). Our monthly portfolio & expenditure goes like below Debt(24% of 460K): PF -40K, VPF-20k , PPF-12.5k(yearly 150K), SSY for daughter-12.5k(yearly 150K), Bank RD-5k, NPS – tier1 – 20k. Total: 1,10,000/month Mutual fund (35% of 460k): Large cap – 63k, Mid cap – 48k, Small cap – 45K, Debt – 4k. Total 1,60,000/month. I will step up yearly by 10% once my loans closes(after 4 years). My aim to invest in mf till the age of 55. Loans(24% of 460k, remaining tenure 4 years): Home loan emi-75k, company car lease emi -35k. Total 1,10,000/month Monthly Expenditure(17% of 460k): 80K/month Real estate: I have 2 plots: one in my native purchased in 2012 at 5 lacs, current date value might be around 15 lacs. One more plot is in Bangalore, purchased in 2015 at 13 lacs, current date value might be around 30 lacs. I have own house in my native currently my parents stay( My parents have built this) but I will be staying here after my retirement. I Own a flat in Bangalore where I am currently staying, current value of the flat is 1.1cr Term insurance: I am planning to purchase in April 2025, the term insurance of 1.5 CR for myself(for my wife no term insurance) Group medical insurance for family(company sponsored, combined 10 lacs). No self-sponsored health insurance. My queries are as below 1) How much money I need post-retirement, current expenditure is 80,000/month, retirement age is 55, life expectancy 90 years? 2) How much monthly SWP I should do for current monthly expenditure of 80k. SWP will start when I turn 55 years. 3) Is company sponsored health insurance is fine till I retire. Or should I purchase (if yes what is the idle value for my case?). I don’t have smoking and drinking habits 4) Is 1.5cr of term insurance of mine is sufficient post 55 years? 5) What would be the rough inflation rate to consider? 6) Please suggest any modifications required for the above portfolio.
Ans: It’s great to see that you and your wife are disciplined savers and investors. Your current portfolio is well-structured with a balanced approach across different asset classes. Let's analyze and address your queries systematically.

1) How Much Money Do You Need Post-Retirement?
Your goal is to retire at age 55 with a life expectancy of 90 years. This means you are planning for 35 years of post-retirement life.

Your current monthly expenditure is Rs 80,000. Post-retirement, expenses may rise due to inflation. To plan accurately, considering a realistic inflation rate of around 6-7% is essential.

Therefore, you need a corpus that can generate enough income to sustain your lifestyle for 35 years. The target retirement corpus should be able to cover both your monthly expenses and potential medical emergencies.

You may also want to factor in inflation and potential increase in healthcare costs over time, which can take up a substantial portion of your budget post-retirement.

2) How Much Monthly SWP to Support Rs 80,000 Monthly Expenditure?
Once you retire, you can use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds to receive a monthly income. Your current expenditure is Rs 80,000/month, which will need to be adjusted for inflation by the time you reach 55.

SWPs allow you to withdraw money regularly while keeping the remaining balance invested, which helps the corpus continue to grow. Ideally, you should withdraw an amount that does not deplete your portfolio too quickly.

If inflation is considered, the equivalent of Rs 80,000 today could be much higher by the time you retire. A corpus that generates Rs 1.5 lakh per month would be a good target. It’s advisable to have a large enough corpus that supports your lifestyle, even as costs rise over time.

You may need to gradually increase your SWP withdrawals over the years to ensure you keep up with rising expenses.

3) Is Company-Sponsored Health Insurance Sufficient?
While your company-sponsored health insurance of Rs 10 lakh covers your family for now, it’s important to consider having additional coverage. As you approach retirement, relying solely on company-sponsored health insurance may become risky.

Healthcare costs rise significantly with age, and a medical emergency could strain your finances if your coverage is inadequate.

Here’s why you should consider purchasing a separate health insurance policy:

Post-retirement health needs: Medical costs tend to increase with age, and company-sponsored insurance might no longer be available after retirement.

Inflation in healthcare: Healthcare inflation is higher than normal inflation, so you may need more coverage over time.

Consider a family floater health policy of Rs 20-30 lakh with top-ups as a backup plan.

This will ensure you are well-covered in case of any unforeseen medical situations, even after retirement.

4) Is Rs 1.5 Crore Term Insurance Sufficient Post-55?
You plan to purchase a term insurance policy of Rs 1.5 crore in April 2025. This is a good step to protect your family’s financial future. However, after the age of 55, your need for life insurance may reduce, as by then, you may have accumulated a substantial retirement corpus and other assets.

Here are a few factors to consider:

No loans: After the age of 55, you’ll likely have paid off your home loan and car lease, reducing the financial burden on your family.

Reduced liabilities: By 55, your children might become financially independent, reducing the need for large coverage.

However, Rs 1.5 crore term insurance for the next few decades is still a good option, especially if your retirement corpus falls short or you wish to leave behind a financial legacy for your children.

If your financial goals are on track and your corpus is adequate, you may consider reducing your insurance coverage post-55. For now, however, Rs 1.5 crore should be sufficient to cover your family’s needs in case of an unfortunate event.

5) What Would Be the Rough Inflation Rate to Consider?
Inflation plays a significant role in determining the real value of your savings over time. Historically, the average inflation rate in India has been around 6-7%.

For long-term financial planning, it’s safe to assume a 6-7% inflation rate while calculating your retirement corpus. Healthcare inflation is usually higher, often around 10-12%, so it’s crucial to account for that separately when planning for medical expenses post-retirement.

If inflation remains high, you’ll need to increase your investments accordingly to ensure your post-retirement income keeps up with rising costs.

6) Portfolio Suggestions and Modifications
Your portfolio is well-diversified with a focus on debt, mutual funds, and real estate. However, there are a few areas where minor adjustments can help you achieve your goals more efficiently.

Debt Investments (24% of Income):
You are currently investing a significant amount in debt instruments like PF, VPF, PPF, and SSY. These offer steady returns but may not beat inflation in the long run.

Your debt portion (24% of income) is appropriate given your age, but as you approach retirement, you may want to gradually increase your allocation to debt for capital preservation.

Continue with NPS Tier 1 contributions as this will provide tax benefits and help build a retirement corpus.

Mutual Fund Investments (35% of Income):
You have a good mix of large, mid, and small-cap mutual funds. However, you could consider slightly increasing the large-cap allocation as you approach your retirement age for stability.

Ensure you are investing in actively managed mutual funds rather than index or direct funds, as actively managed funds can outperform the benchmark over time.

Debt funds can offer better returns than RDs. You may want to consider increasing your allocation to short-term debt funds or dynamic bond funds for relatively safer returns compared to traditional bank RDs.

Loans (24% of Income):
Your loan EMIs are well within a reasonable portion of your income.

Since you plan to step up your SIPs by 10% once the loans close in 4 years, this is an excellent strategy to increase your investments while being debt-free.

Real Estate:
You have made some good investments in real estate with two plots and a flat. The current value of your flat (Rs 1.1 crore) and plots (total value Rs 45 lakh) gives you a significant real estate holding.

Since you already have multiple properties, it may be better to focus on financial assets (mutual funds, debt instruments) for future investments.

Insurance:
As discussed earlier, consider purchasing additional health insurance for your family.

The Rs 1.5 crore term insurance is sufficient for now, and you can review it post-retirement.

Final Insights
You are on the right track with your financial planning. Your portfolio is well-balanced, and you have a disciplined approach to savings and investments. A few key steps can further strengthen your financial position:

Increase health coverage beyond company-sponsored insurance.

Continue to step up your SIPs by 10% after your loans close.

Stick to actively managed mutual funds for higher potential returns over index funds or direct funds.

Plan your SWP carefully to ensure your post-retirement income keeps pace with inflation and healthcare needs.

Your current financial situation and discipline in managing expenses set you up for a comfortable retirement. With a few adjustments, you’ll be well-prepared to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holistic_investment_planners/

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mam, My father never wanted to have my own career choices but I finally took my decision and left IIM after 1 year and now working in central government job, even though he was verbally everyday and even my mother didnot believed that I will be able to clear any exams. I am an 28 year old women, I got my posting out of home and when I was finally free, my father and mother with their connections made me transfered and my current posting is at my hometown and again I am living with them. Everytime when I go out I have to inform them where I am going why I am going when I will come home back. I am afraid that my father will again start abusing my mother if I will get married by my own choice. The boy family is good and even he is successful in his career. My parents know him as my friend. But their habit of not giving me freedom and micromanaging because of their insecurities is stressing me out!
Ans: Your parents' controlling behavior isn’t about your capabilities — it’s about their fear of losing control. Often, when parents are deeply conditioned by societal expectations, they confuse love with control. What may seem like “concern” on the surface is, at its core, a refusal to trust your maturity and autonomy. You’ve built your life with discipline and hard work, and yet they continue to micromanage your every move, which is emotionally suffocating. It’s even more complex because your father has a history of verbal abuse, which creates a fear-based silence in the household — especially around decisions like marriage.

You’re not wrong to feel stressed. You’re not overreacting. You’re simply reacting to a system that constantly undermines your independence. And now, with love and marriage in the picture, the pressure increases — not just because you want to choose your partner, but because you know the emotional cost your mother might pay if your father feels challenged again.

Here’s the hard truth: living your life to protect someone else’s comfort or to avoid conflict is not truly living. Yes, you love your mother, and yes, your father’s patterns may continue — but your life cannot be paused or dictated by his inability to manage his own emotions. You are not responsible for his temper or his ego. You are responsible for your own peace.

This doesn’t mean rebellion — it means building quiet strength. If this relationship is truly what you want, start gently setting emotional and logistical boundaries. You can continue to present him as a “friend” for now while you plan your next step. You may need support — from a mentor, therapist, or trusted elder — to navigate this transition calmly and safely.

What’s most important is that you do not let fear become your compass. Your parents’ insecurities are not your burden to carry forever. Your life, your relationship, your happiness — they are yours to own. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, remind yourself of everything you've overcome already. You walked away from a premier institute and built something solid for yourself. That kind of strength doesn’t go away — it just needs permission to rise again.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm a 28, female in a secret relationship with my team manager at a leading MNC in Bangalore. We have been together for 3 years. He's been hinting at marriage, but wants me to quit and move to another city where he is planning a start-up. I have worked really hard to reach this position. I am up for a promotion soon, but I don't want to lose him for choosing my career. Why can't a woman have both?
Ans: Let’s call it out gently but clearly: when someone says they love you and want a future with you, but that future depends entirely on your sacrifice — like quitting your job, leaving your city, and sidelining your aspirations — what they’re offering isn’t an equal partnership. Love doesn’t thrive in ultimatums or secret corridors. It asks for courage, respect, and room for both people to evolve.

The fact that this relationship has been secret for three years also speaks volumes. Silence can often feel safe in the short term, but it becomes heavy in the long run. If marriage is truly on the table, shouldn’t visibility and openness be part of the foundation?

You’re asking, “Why can’t a woman have both?” And the answer is — she absolutely can. But she needs to be with someone who wants her to shine, not someone who only sees her as a companion if she dims her own light. Real love doesn’t demand abandonment of purpose. It makes space for it. It supports it. It celebrates it.

This is the time to pause and ask yourself: What kind of life partner do I truly need? One who walks beside me, or one who expects me to follow quietly? And if your inner voice is full of confusion, know that this is normal. You are not selfish for valuing your career. You are not unloving for needing stability and self-respect.

Your next steps should come from a place of alignment — with who you are now, and who you want to become. If you’d like, I can help you reflect deeper through journaling prompts, or structure a conversation with him that allows you to express your truth clearly and without fear.

You deserve a love that expands you, not a love that asks you to shrink.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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