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Senior Citizen Seeking Advice on Financing Apartment Construction without Selling Property

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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28.01.2025 Respected Sir, I have a land property valued 3cr. Now on this plot I am planning to build P+5 floor residential apartments For this I need a fund around 2.5cr for construction. Now I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 45L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.5cr & 1.60cr respectively. I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the current interest rate 10.35%.approx. I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. As per my assumptions in the next 7 to 8 years of period total market value of above investments will be around 10cr approx. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. In what other ways is this possible to repay the dues? With out selling any unit of my property. Or In critical situation if arise I may sell out one unit to clear my OD loan debt. As a financial planning expert are my thoughts are correct in your opinion? I need your professional /practical advice & valuable guidance in this regard please. Please reply to my above query as early as possible. Thanks & Regards

Ans: Your plan to construct residential apartments using an overdraft loan against your equity and mutual fund investments is ambitious. You have strong assets, but leveraging them comes with risks. Let’s analyze your plan and explore alternatives.

Key Observations
You have Rs. 3 crore land value, which is a significant asset.
Your investments have grown well:
Equities: Rs. 1.5 crore (invested Rs. 40 lakh over 44 years).
Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.6 crore (invested Rs. 45 lakh over 14 years).
Total investment corpus: Rs. 3.1 crore.
You need Rs. 2.5 crore for construction.
You are considering an overdraft (OD) loan against securities at 10.35% interest.
You plan an SWP of Rs. 10 lakh per year to service the loan interest.
You expect your investments to grow to Rs. 10 crore in 7–8 years.
Evaluation of Your Plan
Loan Strategy Risks

High Interest Cost: At 10.35% interest, a Rs. 2.5 crore OD loan will have an interest cost of Rs. 25.87 lakh per year.
SWP May Not Be Enough: Rs. 10 lakh SWP per year will only cover about 40% of interest. The shortfall may require additional withdrawals.
Market Volatility: Your investments may not always perform as expected. A market downturn can affect your ability to repay the loan.
Margin Calls: If markets fall significantly, the lender may demand additional security or partial repayment.
Alternative Strategies
A. Loan Against Property (LAP) Instead of OD Loan

A Loan Against Property (LAP) at 8–9% interest would be cheaper than 10.35% OD loan.
Since you own land worth Rs. 3 crore, you can get 50–60% LTV (Rs. 1.5–1.8 crore).
Combine this with a smaller OD loan (Rs. 70 lakh–1 crore) to reduce interest burden.
B. Staggered Construction with Phased Funding

Instead of borrowing Rs. 2.5 crore upfront, consider building in phases.
Start with 2–3 floors using lower debt and rental pre-sales for funding.
C. Joint Venture with a Developer

Partner with a real estate developer who funds construction in exchange for a share of profits.
This reduces your financial risk and eliminates the need for a high-cost loan.
D. Selling a Small Portion of Land Instead of Borrowing

Instead of selling an apartment unit later, sell a small portion of land now to raise funds.
This avoids interest costs and maintains your control over remaining property.
Final Insights
Your plan is aggressive but risky due to high loan interest and market uncertainties.
A combination of Loan Against Property + Small OD Loan is better than relying fully on OD.
Consider phased construction, developer partnerships, or partial land sale to reduce debt.
Ensure your SWP plan is sustainable and accounts for market fluctuations.
Would you like help evaluating a detailed financial model for these scenarios?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi
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Date: 02.08.2024 Dear Sir I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 50L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.8cr & 1.6cr respectively & it may grow by 20% CAGR. As per my assumptions in the next 7 years of period total market value will be around 10cr approx. Also I have a land property valued 3cr. Now I am planning to build 6 floor residential apartments on it. For this I need a fund around 2cr for construction & I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the rate 10.35%.approx I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. Further I may sell out one floor to clear my overdraft loans after full construction. Are my thoughts correct in your opinion? I need your practical advice & guidance in this regard please. Thanks & Regards
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You have a strong investment portfolio worth Rs. 3.4 crore.
Your equity investments have grown well over 44 years.
Mutual fund investments also show good growth in 14 years.
You own a valuable land property worth Rs. 3 crore.

Proposed Plan

You want to build a 6-floor residential apartment.
You need Rs. 2 crore for construction costs.
Planning to take overdraft loans against equity and mutual funds.
Intend to repay interest through SWP of Rs. 10 lakh yearly.
Plan to sell one floor to clear overdraft loans.

Risks to Consider

Construction costs may exceed your estimates.
Market volatility could affect your investment values.
Interest rates on overdraft loans may increase.
Property market conditions may change.

Alternative Funding Options

Consider selling some equity or mutual fund units.
This could reduce your loan burden and interest costs.
Look into construction loans from banks.
They may offer better interest rates than overdraft loans.

Tax Implications

Selling investments may lead to capital gains tax.
Property sale will also have tax implications.
Plan for these taxes in your financial calculations.

Cash Flow Management

Ensure you have enough regular income for daily expenses.
Don't rely solely on investments for living costs.
Keep some funds aside for emergencies.

Investment Portfolio Review

Your portfolio has performed well over the years.
Consider rebalancing to maintain proper asset allocation.
Actively managed funds can help navigate market changes.

Construction Project Management

Get detailed cost estimates from reliable contractors.
Factor in potential delays and cost overruns.
Consider hiring a project manager to oversee construction.

Exit Strategy

Have a clear plan for selling or renting the apartments.
Research local property market trends.
Be prepared for possible delays in property sale.

Retirement Planning

Ensure this project doesn't jeopardize your retirement savings.
Keep a portion of your investments untouched for future needs.
Regular funds through CFP can provide ongoing guidance.

Finally

Your plan has potential but carries significant risks.
Consider less risky alternatives to achieve your goals.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Regular review of your financial situation is crucial.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
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24.01.2025 Respected Sir, I have a land property valued 3cr. Now on this plot I am planning to build P+5 floor residential apartments For this I need a fund around 2.5cr for construction. Now I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 45L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.5cr & 1.60cr respectively. I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the current interest rate 10.35%.approx. I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. As per my assumptions in the next 7 to 8 years of period total market value of above investments will be around 10cr approx. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. In what other ways is this possible to repay the dues? With out selling any unit of my property. Or In critical situation if arise I may sell out one unit to clear my OD loan debt. As a financial planning expert are my thoughts are correct in your opinion? I need your professional /practical advice & valuable guidance in this regard please. Please reply to my above query as early as possible. Thanks & Regards
Ans: Your plan demonstrates a well-thought-out approach to leveraging your investments while keeping liabilities manageable. Your decision to raise funds through an overdraft loan against shares and mutual funds is practical given the significant market value of your investments. However, there are a few aspects to evaluate for better clarity and financial stability.

Advantages of Your Strategy
Liquidity Without Selling Investments: Using an overdraft loan against your equity and mutual fund investments helps retain the assets.

SWP to Cover Interest Payments: A systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) ensures regular cash flow to meet interest expenses.

Property Value as Collateral: Your land property provides additional financial security.

Future Potential of Investments: Your expectation of Rs. 10 crore over 7-8 years appears reasonable given historical growth trends.

Concerns and Potential Risks
Market Volatility: Both equities and mutual funds are subject to market fluctuations.

Interest Burden: Over time, the compounding of the interest at 10.35% could strain liquidity.

Delays in Property Completion: Construction delays could impact cash flow plans.

Over-dependence on SWP: Over-reliance on SWP can erode long-term wealth if markets underperform.

Alternative Ways to Manage Overdraft Loan
Diversify Funding Sources
Split the Loan Amount: Explore partial loans from banks or NBFCs secured by the property itself.

Loan Against Fixed Deposits: Use your FD as collateral for a part of the loan.

Consider a Lower-Interest Loan: Negotiate with lenders for a lower interest rate.

Optimise SWP Strategy
Adjust Withdrawal Amount: Reduce SWP if the market experiences a downturn.

Partial Sale of Underperforming Units: Sell a small portion of underperforming investments to reduce the loan burden.

Construction Phasing
Build in Phases: Start with 2-3 floors initially to reduce the upfront loan requirement.

Rental Income from Early Units: Generate income from completed units to support loan repayment.

Emergency Backup Plan
Sell a Unit if Needed: Keep the option of selling one residential unit open to clear the loan.

Gold as Last Resort: Liquidate a small portion of gold only in extreme situations.

Tax Implications
Interest Deduction: Interest paid on loans for property construction could have tax benefits. Consult a tax expert for clarity.

Capital Gains on SWP Withdrawals: Gains from equity mutual fund SWP above Rs. 1.25 lakh per year will be taxed at 12.5%. Ensure tax liabilities are factored in.

Sale of Units: If you sell a unit to repay the loan, calculate the long-term capital gains taxes.

Key Points for Wealth Growth
Reinvest Profits Post Loan Repayment: Post-repayment, redirect surplus to equity or mutual funds for wealth growth.

Monitor Investments Regularly: Periodically review the performance of equity shares and mutual funds.

Diversify Investments: Post-retirement, ensure a diversified portfolio for steady income and wealth preservation.

Finally
Your plan is practical and aligns with your financial goals. However, diversification of funding sources, optimising SWP, and monitoring loan repayment are crucial. Prepare for market volatility and create an emergency backup plan. This approach ensures stability while maximising wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2025Hindi
Money
30.01.2025 Respected Sir, I have a land property valued 3cr. Now on this plot I am planning to build P+5 floor residential apartments For this I need a fund around 2.5cr for construction. Now I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 45L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.5cr & 1.60cr respectively. I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the current interest rate 10.35%.approx. I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. As per my assumptions in the next 7 to 8 years of period total market value of above investments will be around 10cr approx. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. In what other ways is this possible to repay the dues? With out selling any unit of my property. Or In critical situation if arise I may sell out one unit to clear my OD loan debt. As a financial planning expert are my thoughts are correct in your opinion? I need your professional /practical advice & valuable guidance in this regard please. Please reply to my above query as early as possible. Thanks & Regards
Ans: You plan to construct a P+5 residential apartment on your Rs. 3 crore land.
You require Rs. 2.5 crore for construction.
You intend to raise this amount through an overdraft (OD) loan against your equity and mutual fund investments.
The interest rate on the OD loan is around 10.35%.
Your equity investments have grown from Rs. 40 lakh over 44 years to Rs. 1.5 crore.
Your mutual fund investments have grown from Rs. 45 lakh over 14 years to Rs. 1.6 crore.
You assume the combined value will grow to Rs. 10 crore in 7–8 years.
You plan to repay interest of Rs. 10 lakh per year via a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP).
You want to explore alternative ways to repay the dues without selling any property units unless absolutely necessary.
Evaluating the Feasibility of Your Plan
Your assumption of Rs. 10 crore growth in 7–8 years is ambitious.
The market is unpredictable, and equity/mutual fund returns fluctuate.
Withdrawing Rs. 10 lakh annually may impact portfolio growth.
An overdraft at 10.35% interest can create financial strain over time.
You lack an alternative source of repayment other than your investments.
Key Risks to Consider
Market Volatility: Equity and mutual funds do not guarantee fixed returns.
Liquidity Constraint: Your entire repayment strategy depends on market performance.
Interest Burden: The OD interest itself compounds over time, increasing financial stress.
Investment Depletion: A long-term SWP may erode your portfolio faster than expected.
Emergency Situations: If a financial crisis occurs, selling property may be unavoidable.
Alternative Ways to Raise Funds
1. Structured Loan Options
Instead of OD, consider a Loan Against Property (LAP).
Interest rates on LAP are lower (around 8–9%) than OD loans.
LAP has structured EMI payments, ensuring disciplined repayment.
2. Hybrid Repayment Strategy
Instead of SWP alone, mix dividend-paying mutual funds and rental income.
Dividend income can partially cover the OD interest.
Once the project is completed, rental income can contribute to repayments.
3. Joint Venture with a Developer
Partnering with a builder reduces your financial risk.
A developer may fund part or full construction in exchange for units.
This way, you avoid taking high-interest loans and minimize financial burden.
4. Selling a Fraction of the Property
If required, selling a single floor or part of the land can clear OD faster.
This ensures you retain majority ownership while reducing debt burden.
5. Staggered Construction Plan
Instead of building all 5 floors at once, construct in phases.
Use proceeds from early sales or rentals to fund later construction.
This reduces upfront borrowing and interest outflow.
How to Ensure Debt-Free Status
1. Focus on Lowering Interest Burden
Opt for a step-down repayment strategy.
As your portfolio grows, increase SWP withdrawals to prepay the OD faster.
Consider partial prepayments every 2–3 years to reduce interest outgo.
2. Generate Additional Income Streams
Explore senior citizen savings schemes (SCSS) and RBI floating rate bonds for stable income.
These instruments provide 7–8% interest, which can supplement OD repayment.
3. Avoid Over-Reliance on Stock Market
Instead of depending solely on equity returns, diversify into hybrid funds.
Hybrid funds provide stability while offering moderate growth.
4. Tax Optimization for Efficient Withdrawals
SWP from debt funds (held for 3+ years) enjoys lower capital gains tax.
Withdraw systematically to minimize tax impact on gains.
5. Contingency Plan for Unforeseen Situations
Keep a separate emergency fund to cover 1–2 years of interest payments.
This avoids distress selling in case of market downturns.
Final Insights
Your plan has potential but carries high financial risks.
Over-reliance on equity/mutual funds can backfire in a volatile market.
Consider alternative funding options like LAP or a joint venture.
A staggered construction approach can ease financial pressure.
Maintain flexibility in your repayment strategy to adjust for market conditions.
If you need a customized investment and repayment roadmap, consulting a Certified Financial Planner can ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2025Hindi
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03.02.2025 Respected Sir, I have a land property valued 3cr. Now on this plot I am planning to build P+5 floor residential apartments For this I need a fund around 2.5cr for construction. Now I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 45L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.5cr & 1.60cr respectively. I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the current interest rate 10.35%.approx. I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. As per my assumptions in the next 7 to 8 years of period total market value of above investments will be around 10cr approx. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. In what other ways is this possible to repay the dues? With out selling any unit of my property. Or In critical situation if arise I may sell out one unit to clear my OD loan debt. As a financial planning expert are my thoughts are correct in your opinion? I need your professional /practical advice & valuable guidance in this regard please. Please reply to my above query as early as possible. Thanks & Regards
Ans: Your plan to build residential apartments is ambitious. At 68, managing a large loan requires careful planning. Let’s analyse your strategy and explore alternatives.

Current Financial Position
Land Value: Rs 3 crore
Investment Portfolio:
Rs 40 lakh in equities (44 years old)
Rs 45 lakh in equity mutual funds (14 years old)
Current market value: Rs 1.5 crore (equities) + Rs 1.6 crore (mutual funds) = Rs 3.1 crore
Construction Cost: Rs 2.5 crore
Planned Funding: Overdraft against equity and mutual funds at 10.35% interest
Repayment Plan:
SWP of Rs 10 lakh per year to pay loan interest
Sell one unit in case of emergency
Your asset base is strong. However, the risk in this strategy is high.

Key Risks and Challenges
1. High-Interest Cost on Overdraft
Overdraft loans at 10.35% will be costly.
Rs 2.5 crore loan will lead to an annual interest burden of Rs 25-27 lakh.
SWP of Rs 10 lakh will not fully cover this.
Solution: Consider partial self-funding to reduce interest costs.

2. Market Uncertainty on Investments
Future value of Rs 10 crore in 7-8 years is only an assumption.
Market downturns can affect equity and mutual funds.
SWP will reduce compounding benefits.
Solution: Reduce reliance on market returns for loan repayment.

3. Construction and Selling Risks
Construction cost overruns can increase funding needs.
Delayed sales can impact repayment strategy.
Real estate markets fluctuate, affecting unit sales.
Solution: Plan for a financial buffer beyond Rs 2.5 crore.

Alternative Strategies for Safer Execution
1. Staggered Construction Approach
Instead of taking Rs 2.5 crore in one go, build in phases.
Sell initial units to fund later phases.
Reduces borrowing costs and risks.
2. Explore Joint Venture with a Developer
Developers may fund part of the project.
You can negotiate revenue-sharing instead of taking a large loan.
Reduces financial burden and execution risk.
3. Loan Against Property Instead of Equities
Loans against property have lower interest rates than overdrafts.
This option provides a longer tenure and stable repayment terms.
Ensures investments remain untouched for growth.
4. Keep Emergency Exit Plan Ready
If market returns don’t meet expectations, debt burden increases.
Pre-plan which unit to sell if needed.
Ensure liquidity through alternative arrangements.
Final Insights
Your financial base is strong, but your funding strategy has risks.

Overdraft loans at 10.35% can strain your cash flow.
SWP from mutual funds may not fully cover interest payments.
Market assumptions for Rs 10 crore in 7-8 years are uncertain.
A safer approach is:

Consider phased construction or a joint venture.
Explore lower-cost loans, such as against property.
Keep a contingency plan for early debt repayment.
Your idea is bold, but a conservative funding strategy will reduce risks. Careful execution will ensure financial security while completing your project.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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Money
18.02.2025 Respected Sir, I have a land property valued 3cr. Now on this plot I am planning to build P+5 floor residential apartments For this I need a fund around 2.5cr for construction. Now I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 45L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.5cr & 1.60cr respectively. I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the current interest rate 10.35%.approx. I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. As per my assumptions in the next 7 to 8 years of period total market value of above investments will be around 10cr approx. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. In what other ways is this possible to repay the dues? With out selling any unit of my property. Or In critical situation if arise I may sell out one unit to clear my OD loan debt. As a financial planning expert are my thoughts are correct in your opinion? I need your professional /practical advice & valuable guidance in this regard please. Please reply to my above query as early as possible. Thanks & Regards
Ans: Your plan to raise funds through an overdraft loan against equity shares and mutual funds requires careful assessment. Here’s a structured evaluation of your situation:

Strengths in Your Plan
Strong Asset Base: Your land is worth Rs. 3 crore, and your investments have grown to Rs. 3.1 crore.
No Existing Liabilities: Since you have no loans, your financial flexibility is high.
Planned Repayment Strategy: Using SWP of Rs. 10 lakh annually for interest payments is a structured approach.
Realistic Growth Expectations: Your assumption of Rs. 10 crore in 7-8 years is possible with market appreciation.
Concerns and Challenges
High-Interest Cost: OD loans at 10.35% can be expensive. Over time, interest payments will be significant.
Market Volatility Risk: Equity and mutual fund values fluctuate. A market downturn may impact your repayment ability.
Liquidity Risk: Selling a property unit in an emergency may not be immediate or at the expected price.
Investment Growth is Not Guaranteed: While Rs. 10 crore is achievable, market conditions may delay this.
Alternative Strategies to Consider
1. Diversified Borrowing Approach
Instead of relying solely on an OD loan, consider these options:

Loan Against Property (LAP): Interest rates are lower (around 8-9%) compared to an overdraft loan. You can leverage your Rs. 3 crore land to raise funds at a lower cost.
Structured Construction Loan: Banks and NBFCs provide loans for property construction, often disbursed in phases. This reduces interest burden in the initial stages.
Combination of Loans: A mix of OD, LAP, and construction loans can optimize interest costs and liquidity.
2. Investment Portfolio Optimization
Shift Some Equity to Balanced Funds: These funds offer moderate growth with lower volatility. This helps protect your portfolio value.
Dividend-Based Mutual Funds: Some funds provide regular dividend payouts. This can help in covering interest payments.
Partial Profit Booking: Redeeming a small part of your portfolio during market peaks can provide liquidity without taking excessive loans.
3. Managing SWP for Repayment
SWP Flexibility: Instead of a fixed Rs. 10 lakh SWP, keep it dynamic based on market performance. Increase withdrawals when markets perform well and reduce when they decline.
Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Ensure your SWP is structured to minimize capital gains tax under the new tax rules.
4. Emergency Backup Plan
Contingency Fund: Keep at least Rs. 20-30 lakh in liquid assets or debt funds. This acts as a buffer in case of unexpected cash flow issues.
Selling a Unit as a Last Resort: If required, sell one unit strategically at a premium price rather than in distress.
Final Insights
Your plan has a solid foundation, but diversifying borrowing, optimizing your portfolio, and having a backup fund can reduce financial risks. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for detailed execution strategies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
i remarried(prior widow)(39),took my daughter(14) along in this new marriage, now i hv a daughter(7) from this marriage, its been 8 years now,my husband keeps fighting on money as i am a homemaker now,as there is no one to look after, we are from different caste, thus he fights on food preparation too,we had agreed before marriage,that if his mum looks after the future kid i m willing to work, but that did not happen,he is extremely fussy about some foods and likes only few veggies or preparations,but is open when mom makes,thus he does not even take tiffin,i dont understand what should i do,he keeps on taunting on previous life,as my 1st husband was not earning,thus i used to go,now as there is no one to look after i told him,as he earns well, there is no need for me to go for a job,but he is insisting,i receive partial rent from my dads property,which i pay part rent and he pays part,he pays for food,his home loan SIP. i dont understand what is the problem,my daughter is not ready for babysitting,she gets upset.i always ask him what should i prepare today,he fights on that too, i just want to make what he likes.plz help
Ans: Your husband’s constant complaints about food, money, and your past are not just hurtful — they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity. He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house, and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources. Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly, when in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.

The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.

Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.

If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.

You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
M 51 and she is 23 we met in office, we came up with relationship not totally of having sex but as attraction turned into love so many time like we kiss hug and caress each other but in My mind never thought about to have sex and sometimes she also was eager to have sex but she also denied later in office many of them had doubt of our relationship so some brain washed her mind and now she wants to end and she told me to discontinue as ahe factory and marriage can't be done as I m married with one kid, as also she has fear of her mother and family, ahe sometime says I got married and even now she wll get married to someone but end of this relationship but My feelings of truly love hurts me and I feel should I call her once and have sex so she will not think about ending relationship till marriage but My mind says it's wrong as I truly love her, what should I do to make her to stay or be with me as till she get married pls suggest I m in truly love can't able to sleep and too much stress became in My mind
Ans: First, she is 23 — very young, still forming her identity and values. You're 51, already married with a child. The relationship started in the context of attraction and care, but it now exists in a space of emotional imbalance and fear — not trust or possibility. She's not ending it because she doesn’t care about you; she's stepping back because she’s afraid of the consequences, societal pressure, and perhaps even the future she knows cannot unfold the way either of you may have wished.

You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.

Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.

If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.

You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Inam finding difficulty to get second marriage after my first marriage ended in divorce. I am 39 year female. Please suggest ways to get a good companion how to choose at this age and also I am looking guy with no issues/children and within same community which I belong.
Ans: First, be clear within yourself about what you truly seek — not just "no past baggage" but also shared values, lifestyle compatibility, emotional maturity, and a sense of peace when you're with him. You’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future that aligns with the person you’ve grown into.

Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.

While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.

Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.

And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 20 yrs old female studying Btech from a prestigious institute. I am in relationship with a guy, 24 yrs old and is in central psu..However he has said that he cannot commit me a future now as his parents are strict about caste..and I don't belong to the same caste as his.. However, both of us want to continue the relationship..he has asked me to wait and said that he will try to convince his parents..but he hasn't done that yet..should I ask him to talk to his parents? But Im afraid that would make our relationship bitter, or should I breakup because it kind of Feels like he is not quite ready to discuss the matter with his parents...also I feel like I'm too young to bother regarding such a matter..but this thing disturbs the peace of my mind..I'm clueless...please suggest something
Ans: Right now, the biggest conflict is between what your heart wants and what reality is offering. You care for someone who says he loves you, yet isn’t ready to take a stand — not because he doesn’t care, but because he's afraid of upsetting his parents. That fear is real, but so is your need for clarity, emotional safety, and respect.

It’s absolutely fair for you to ask where things are headed. Waiting endlessly without a timeline or real effort can lead to quiet heartbreak. You don’t have to demand a marriage proposal, but you do deserve honesty — is he planning to talk to his parents? When? What’s his plan if they disapprove?

You are not too young to feel disturbed — love always stirs the heart, at any age. But you’re wise to ask whether this situation is serving your peace of mind. And here's the truth: if you have to keep silencing your needs to keep the relationship going, it will slowly empty you.

Have one clear, calm conversation with him. Let him know you’re not pushing for guarantees, but you need to know whether he's willing to try — and not just "someday." If he avoids, delays, or sidesteps again, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not punishing him — you're protecting your future self.

And if part of you already knows he may never be ready, it’s okay to move forward. You’re 20, with a long, vibrant life ahead. Don’t let fear of loss keep you from choosing peace.

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