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How to Manage My Finances at University on a Budget?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am a 18 year old living in Bangalore and I wanted to know how to manage my finances as I will be going to University from the 20th of this month. I want to know how to manage my savings and invest those savings for returns. I plan to ask my parents for 12,000 to 14,000 a month at the maximum which include my travel expenses of around 8,000 monthly.

Ans: As an 18-year-old student going to university, managing your finances effectively is crucial. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your savings and investments:

Monthly Income: Rs 12,000 to Rs 14,000 from your parents
Monthly Expenses: Travel expenses of Rs 8,000
Budgeting
Creating a budget is the first step in managing your finances. Here's a simple budget plan:

Income: Rs 12,000 to Rs 14,000
Travel Expenses: Rs 8,000
Remaining Funds: Rs 4,000 to Rs 6,000
Allocating Funds
Essential Expenses: Allocate funds for food, books, and other essentials.

Savings: Aim to save at least 20% of your remaining funds. This would be Rs 800 to Rs 1,200 per month.

Emergency Fund: Keep some money aside for emergencies.

Investment Strategy
Given your age and financial situation, here are some investment options:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
What It Is: A SIP allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds.

Why It’s Good: It helps inculcate a disciplined investment habit and takes advantage of rupee cost averaging.

How to Start: Start with a small amount, say Rs 500 to Rs 1,000 per month. Choose funds with good track records and consistent performance.

Recurring Deposit (RD)
What It Is: An RD allows you to deposit a fixed amount every month in your bank, earning interest.

Why It’s Good: It’s a low-risk investment with assured returns.

How to Start: You can start an RD with as low as Rs 500 per month. It’s ideal for short-term goals.

Digital Gold
What It Is: Digital gold allows you to buy gold in small quantities online.

Why It’s Good: It’s a way to diversify your investment and is easily liquidated.

How to Start: Use trusted platforms like Paytm or PhonePe to buy small amounts of gold.

High-Interest Savings Account
What It Is: Some banks offer high-interest savings accounts for students.

Why It’s Good: It’s a safe place to park your money with decent interest.

How to Start: Look for student-friendly savings accounts in reputed banks.

Practical Tips
Track Your Expenses
Why It’s Important: Tracking helps you understand where your money is going and identify areas where you can save.

How to Do It: Use apps like Walnut or simply maintain an Excel sheet.

Avoid Unnecessary Expenses
Why It’s Important: Helps in maximizing your savings.

How to Do It: Prioritize your spending on essentials and avoid impulse purchases.

Use Student Discounts
Why It’s Important: Many places offer discounts for students, helping you save money.

How to Do It: Always carry your student ID and ask for discounts wherever applicable.

Educational Investments
Investing in your education is the best investment at your age. Allocate funds for courses, workshops, and books that enhance your skills and knowledge.

Building Financial Discipline
Start Early: The earlier you start saving and investing, the better your financial habits will be.

Set Goals: Have clear financial goals, both short-term and long-term.

Stay Informed: Keep learning about personal finance and investment options.

Final Insights
Managing your finances at a young age is a valuable skill. With disciplined saving and wise investments, you can build a strong financial foundation for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, i am 28 year old, working in MNC with just salary of 50,000. I have savings of about 4 lakh. Please suggest me how should i manage by finance. My monthly expense is 15k and 10k i send at home.
Ans: I understand you're looking to manage your finances better. You're 28, working in an MNC, with a salary of Rs 50,000. You have Rs 4 lakhs in savings. Your monthly expenses are Rs 15,000, and you send Rs 10,000 home. Let's work together to create a solid financial plan for you.

Monthly Budget Analysis
First, let's break down your monthly income and expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs 50,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 15,000
Amount Sent Home: Rs 10,000
This leaves you with Rs 25,000 every month. You have been managing your expenses well. Let's see how we can make the most of your savings and surplus income.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential. It covers unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save at least 3-6 months of your expenses.

Monthly Expenses + Amount Sent Home: Rs 25,000
Emergency Fund Target: Rs 75,000 - Rs 1,50,000
Since you already have Rs 4 lakhs in savings, allocate Rs 1 lakh for your emergency fund. Keep this money in a liquid fund or a high-interest savings account for easy access.

Managing and Growing Your Savings
With Rs 3 lakhs left after setting aside your emergency fund, let's look at some options for growing your savings. Diversifying your investments can help in achieving your financial goals.

Fixed Deposits and Recurring Deposits
Fixed Deposits (FDs) and Recurring Deposits (RDs) are safe investment options with fixed returns. They are ideal for short-term goals.

FD: Invest Rs 1 lakh in a fixed deposit for a tenure of 1-2 years. This ensures safety and liquidity.
RD: Start a recurring deposit with Rs 5,000 per month. It helps in disciplined saving and earns decent interest.
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer higher returns than traditional savings options. Consider a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for balanced growth and stability.

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate Rs 1 lakh to equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Choose funds with a good track record.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest Rs 50,000 in debt mutual funds for short to medium-term goals. They are less risky than equity funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a great way to invest regularly in mutual funds. They average out market volatility and build wealth over time.

SIP Allocation: Start a SIP of Rs 5,000 per month in a balanced mutual fund. This ensures consistent investment and capital appreciation.
Insurance: Protecting Your Finances
Having adequate insurance is crucial to protect against unforeseen events. Ensure you have both health and life insurance.

Health Insurance
Health insurance covers medical expenses, reducing financial strain during health emergencies.

Coverage Amount: Opt for a health insurance policy with a coverage of Rs 5 lakhs. It provides a good safety net.
Family Coverage: If possible, include your parents in the policy. This ensures they are also covered in case of medical emergencies.
Life Insurance
Life insurance secures your family's financial future in case of your untimely demise.

Term Insurance: Choose a term insurance policy with coverage of Rs 50 lakhs. Term insurance is affordable and provides high coverage.
Avoid ULIPs: Avoid Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs) as they mix investment and insurance, often leading to higher costs and lower returns.
Tax Planning: Maximizing Your Savings
Effective tax planning helps in maximizing your savings and investments. Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions.

Section 80C Deductions
Investments under Section 80C help in reducing taxable income. The maximum limit is Rs 1.5 lakhs.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Invest Rs 50,000 in PPF. It offers tax-free returns and long-term growth.
ELSS Funds: Allocate Rs 50,000 in Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) mutual funds. They provide tax benefits and potential high returns.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Your EPF contributions are also eligible for Section 80C deductions. Ensure to check your EPF balance and contributions.
Health Insurance Premiums
Premiums paid for health insurance are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80D.

Self and Family: Claim up to Rs 25,000 for premiums paid for yourself, spouse, and children.
Parents: If you pay for your parents' health insurance, claim an additional Rs 25,000. If they are senior citizens, this limit increases to Rs 50,000.
Financial Goals and Planning
Identify and prioritize your financial goals. This helps in creating a focused and efficient investment plan.

Short-Term Goals
Short-term goals are those you aim to achieve within 1-3 years.

Emergency Fund: As discussed, ensure your emergency fund is well-maintained.
Travel Fund: If you plan to travel, start a dedicated fund. Allocate a part of your savings for this goal.
Medium-Term Goals
Medium-term goals are those you plan to achieve within 3-5 years.

Higher Education: If you plan to pursue higher education, start saving now. Consider education loans if needed.
Buying a Vehicle: If you intend to buy a car or bike, start a dedicated fund. Allocate Rs 1 lakh towards this goal.
Long-Term Goals
Long-term goals are those you plan to achieve in 5+ years.

Retirement Planning: Start saving for retirement early. The power of compounding works best over long periods.
House Purchase: If you plan to buy a house, start saving for the down payment. Allocate Rs 1 lakh towards this goal.
Monitoring and Reviewing Your Financial Plan
Regularly review your financial plan to ensure it stays aligned with your goals. Adjust your investments based on changes in your income, expenses, and financial goals.

Monthly Budget Review
Track your income and expenses every month. Ensure you are sticking to your budget and making necessary adjustments.

Investment Portfolio Review
Review your investment portfolio every six months. Assess the performance of your investments and make changes if needed.

Insurance Policy Review
Review your insurance policies annually. Ensure your coverage is adequate and update your policies as required.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and personalized advice. A CFP can help you create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs and goals.

Benefits of Consulting a CFP
Customized Advice: Get advice that matches your unique financial situation and goals.
Holistic Planning: A CFP considers all aspects of your finances, ensuring a well-rounded plan.
Expert Guidance: With their expertise, CFPs help you make informed decisions, optimizing your financial planning.
Final Insights
Managing your finances effectively involves careful planning and disciplined execution. By building an emergency fund, growing your savings through diversified investments, ensuring adequate insurance coverage, and maximizing tax savings, you can achieve financial stability and growth.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay aligned with your goals. Seek professional advice if needed to ensure your financial strategy is robust and efficient. With these steps, you can secure your financial future and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am a 18 year old living in Bangalore and I wanted to know how to manage my finances as I will be going to University from the 20th of this month. I want to know how to manage my savings and invest those savings for returns. I plan to ask my parents for 12,000 to 14,000 a month at the maximum which include my travel expenses for around 8,000 monthly.
Ans: Welcome to the exciting phase of starting university! Managing your finances at this stage is crucial. Your plan to ask your parents for Rs. 12,000 to Rs. 14,000 per month is a good start. Let’s break down how to use this money effectively.

Monthly Budgeting: The Foundation

First, let’s allocate your monthly funds wisely. Your travel expenses are Rs. 8,000. This leaves you with Rs. 4,000 to Rs. 6,000 for other expenses like food, supplies, and savings.

Allocating for Essentials

Ensure you set aside enough for food and essential items. This might be around Rs. 3,000 to Rs. 4,000. This leaves you with Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000 for savings and investments.

Building a Savings Habit

Start by putting aside a fixed amount each month into a savings account. Even small amounts can grow over time. This builds a habit of saving and provides a safety net for unexpected expenses.

Investment Basics for Young Adults

With the money you save, consider investing. Investments can help your savings grow over time. Here’s a look at some options suitable for a student like you.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly into mutual funds. They are flexible and start with as low as Rs. 500. They help you benefit from the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging. Actively managed funds, chosen with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), can offer better returns than index funds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds have professional managers making investment decisions. This can result in better performance compared to index funds, which simply track market indices. Fund managers actively seek opportunities to outperform the market.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds only replicate the market index. They don’t try to beat the market, limiting growth potential. Also, during market downturns, index funds can suffer as much as the market itself. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to minimise losses during such times.

The Role of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

A CFP can guide you in choosing the right actively managed funds. Investing through a regular fund via an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) with a CFP credential provides valuable insights and ongoing support. Direct funds lack this professional guidance.

Emergency Fund: Your Safety Net

Apart from SIPs, it’s wise to maintain an emergency fund. This should cover at least three months of expenses. It provides a buffer against unforeseen financial needs.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

While it might be tempting to invest in high-risk options for quick returns, it’s better to stick to safer investments. Risky investments can lead to losses, which is not ideal at the start of your financial journey.

Education on Financial Literacy

Take time to educate yourself about personal finance. Understanding basics like budgeting, saving, and investing will help you make informed decisions. There are many resources available online, including courses and articles.

Part-Time Work: An Additional Income Source

Consider taking up part-time work or internships. This not only provides additional income but also valuable work experience. It can enhance your skills and make you more employable after graduation.

Living Within Your Means

It’s crucial to live within your means. Avoid unnecessary expenses and distinguish between needs and wants. This practice will ensure you stay within your budget and save more.

Using Student Discounts

Take advantage of student discounts and offers. Many places offer discounts on food, travel, and entertainment for students. This can help you save money on essential and leisure activities.

Tracking Your Expenses

Keep track of your expenses. This helps you understand where your money goes and identify areas to cut costs. Many apps can help you with expense tracking and budgeting.

Building Credit Responsibly

If you get a credit card, use it responsibly. Pay off the full balance each month to avoid interest charges. Building a good credit history can be beneficial for future financial needs.

Health Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health insurance. This can protect you from high medical costs in case of illness or injury. Check if your parents' insurance covers you or consider getting student health insurance.

Long-Term Financial Planning

Even as a student, start thinking about long-term financial goals. This could include further education, buying a vehicle, or starting a business. Having a plan helps you stay focused and motivated.

Staying Informed

Stay informed about financial trends and updates. This can help you make better investment decisions. Regularly reading financial news and reports is a good practice.

Avoiding Debt

Avoid unnecessary debt. While student loans might be necessary, try to minimise other debts. High-interest debt can become a burden and hinder your financial growth.

Networking and Mentorship

Build a network of mentors and peers who can offer financial advice and support. Learning from others’ experiences can provide valuable insights and guidance.

Exploring Scholarship Opportunities

Look for scholarships and grants. These can significantly reduce your financial burden. Many organisations offer scholarships based on academic performance, talents, or financial need.

Balancing Academics and Finances

While managing finances is important, don’t let it overshadow your academics. Striking a balance is key to a successful university experience.

Learning from Mistakes

It’s okay to make financial mistakes. Learn from them and adjust your strategy. This is part of the learning process and helps you grow financially savvy.

Seeking Professional Advice

If you’re unsure about any financial decision, seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide personalised guidance tailored to your needs and goals.

Starting Small, Thinking Big

Start with small, manageable investments. Over time, these can grow significantly. Patience and consistency are vital in the world of investments.

Maintaining Financial Discipline

Discipline is key to financial success. Stick to your budget, save regularly, and invest wisely. This approach will set a strong foundation for your financial future.

Final Insights

Managing your finances as a student sets the stage for your future financial well-being. Start with budgeting, saving, and making informed investment decisions. Educate yourself continuously and seek guidance when needed. With discipline and smart choices, you can achieve financial stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 23 single and I earn 41k pm and I send 22k at my home to parents as a part of responsibility and keep 19k to myself in which i pay 6k as a rent and on an around i end with 1-2k around in the end of the month from the 19k and i have an SIP of 4000 per month, and have invested around 40k in stock market in equity, i lic of 1cr for which i pay 40k per year. Do give me advice for the financial management how should i get my financials strong and what steps should be taken for the same.
Ans: You have a monthly income of Rs. 41,000. You send Rs. 22,000 to your parents, which shows a strong sense of responsibility. After rent and expenses, you manage to save around Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000 per month. You also have an SIP of Rs. 4,000 and an investment of Rs. 40,000 in equities. Additionally, you pay Rs. 40,000 annually for a LIC policy with a cover of Rs. 1 crore. Your financial journey has begun, but you need a strategy to strengthen it further.

Budgeting: The Foundation of Financial Management
Budgeting is key to managing your finances better. Since your current savings are limited, a strict budget can help you find areas where you can cut costs. For example, you could look into reducing discretionary spending like eating out or entertainment. Saving small amounts from these areas can gradually build up your emergency fund.

Track Your Expenses:
Keep a detailed record of your monthly spending. This helps you identify where you can cut back.

Prioritize Saving:
Even small amounts saved every month can grow over time. Aim to increase your savings by Rs. 500 to Rs. 1,000 per month.

Reevaluate Your Rent:
Consider looking for a more affordable place to live if possible. Saving on rent can significantly impact your budget.

Reviewing Your SIP and Equity Investments
You have wisely started investing in an SIP and equities at a young age. This habit can yield significant returns over time. However, it’s essential to ensure your SIP is aligned with your financial goals.

Increase SIP Gradually:
Try to increase your SIP contributions by Rs. 500 to Rs. 1,000 every year. This small step can make a big difference over time.

Diversify Your Equity Portfolio:
If your Rs. 40,000 investment in equities is concentrated in a few stocks, consider diversifying. Spreading your investment across different sectors reduces risk.

Consider Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market. This offers better growth prospects compared to index funds.

Insurance and Risk Management
You have a Rs. 1 crore LIC policy, which is a significant step towards securing your financial future. However, it’s essential to review the policy’s terms and its alignment with your overall financial plan.

Reevaluate Your LIC Policy:
Evaluate if the annual Rs. 40,000 premium fits your current financial capacity. Consider if the policy provides value beyond just life cover.

Consider Term Insurance:
Term insurance is usually more cost-effective than traditional LIC policies. It provides the same coverage at a lower cost, allowing you to invest the savings.

Health Insurance:
If you don’t have health insurance, consider getting a basic plan. Medical emergencies can drain your savings quickly.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is a must-have for financial stability. It provides a safety net in case of unforeseen expenses or job loss. Aim to build a fund that covers at least three to six months of your expenses.

Start Small:
Begin by saving a portion of your Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000 monthly surplus. Gradually increase this amount as your income grows.

Keep It Accessible:
Ensure the money is easily accessible, but separate from your regular savings. A dedicated savings account is ideal.

Future Planning: Goals and Investments
At 23, you have time on your side. It’s the right time to think about your long-term goals, like buying a house, further education, or retirement. Early planning can help you achieve these goals more comfortably.

Set Clear Financial Goals:
Define what you want to achieve in the next 5, 10, and 20 years. This will guide your investment choices.

Consider Retirement Planning:
Even though retirement seems far away, starting early ensures you have a comfortable nest egg. Consider starting a PPF or NPS account to begin this journey.

Invest in Skill Development:
Investing in your skills can lead to better job opportunities and higher income. This, in turn, strengthens your financial position.

Managing Debt Wisely
Currently, you have no mention of loans or credit card debt, which is positive. However, managing debt is crucial as you progress in your career and take on more responsibilities.

Avoid High-Interest Debt:
If you ever need to take a loan, avoid high-interest options like personal loans or credit card debt.

Use Credit Cards Responsibly:
If you use a credit card, pay the full balance each month to avoid interest charges.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Your financial plan should not be static. As your income increases or life circumstances change, revisit your budget, investments, and goals.

Annual Review:
Make it a habit to review your financial plan every year. Adjust your SIPs, budget, and goals based on your current situation.

Stay Informed:
Keep yourself updated on financial products and market trends. This knowledge helps you make informed decisions.

Finally
Strengthening your financials at this stage is a wise decision. By budgeting, saving, and investing thoughtfully, you can build a strong financial foundation. With time and discipline, you’ll be well on your way to achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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