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How to Manage My Finances at University on a Budget?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am a 18 year old living in Bangalore and I wanted to know how to manage my finances as I will be going to University from the 20th of this month. I want to know how to manage my savings and invest those savings for returns. I plan to ask my parents for 12,000 to 14,000 a month at the maximum which include my travel expenses of around 8,000 monthly.

Ans: As an 18-year-old student going to university, managing your finances effectively is crucial. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your savings and investments:

Monthly Income: Rs 12,000 to Rs 14,000 from your parents
Monthly Expenses: Travel expenses of Rs 8,000
Budgeting
Creating a budget is the first step in managing your finances. Here's a simple budget plan:

Income: Rs 12,000 to Rs 14,000
Travel Expenses: Rs 8,000
Remaining Funds: Rs 4,000 to Rs 6,000
Allocating Funds
Essential Expenses: Allocate funds for food, books, and other essentials.

Savings: Aim to save at least 20% of your remaining funds. This would be Rs 800 to Rs 1,200 per month.

Emergency Fund: Keep some money aside for emergencies.

Investment Strategy
Given your age and financial situation, here are some investment options:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
What It Is: A SIP allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds.

Why It’s Good: It helps inculcate a disciplined investment habit and takes advantage of rupee cost averaging.

How to Start: Start with a small amount, say Rs 500 to Rs 1,000 per month. Choose funds with good track records and consistent performance.

Recurring Deposit (RD)
What It Is: An RD allows you to deposit a fixed amount every month in your bank, earning interest.

Why It’s Good: It’s a low-risk investment with assured returns.

How to Start: You can start an RD with as low as Rs 500 per month. It’s ideal for short-term goals.

Digital Gold
What It Is: Digital gold allows you to buy gold in small quantities online.

Why It’s Good: It’s a way to diversify your investment and is easily liquidated.

How to Start: Use trusted platforms like Paytm or PhonePe to buy small amounts of gold.

High-Interest Savings Account
What It Is: Some banks offer high-interest savings accounts for students.

Why It’s Good: It’s a safe place to park your money with decent interest.

How to Start: Look for student-friendly savings accounts in reputed banks.

Practical Tips
Track Your Expenses
Why It’s Important: Tracking helps you understand where your money is going and identify areas where you can save.

How to Do It: Use apps like Walnut or simply maintain an Excel sheet.

Avoid Unnecessary Expenses
Why It’s Important: Helps in maximizing your savings.

How to Do It: Prioritize your spending on essentials and avoid impulse purchases.

Use Student Discounts
Why It’s Important: Many places offer discounts for students, helping you save money.

How to Do It: Always carry your student ID and ask for discounts wherever applicable.

Educational Investments
Investing in your education is the best investment at your age. Allocate funds for courses, workshops, and books that enhance your skills and knowledge.

Building Financial Discipline
Start Early: The earlier you start saving and investing, the better your financial habits will be.

Set Goals: Have clear financial goals, both short-term and long-term.

Stay Informed: Keep learning about personal finance and investment options.

Final Insights
Managing your finances at a young age is a valuable skill. With disciplined saving and wise investments, you can build a strong financial foundation for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, i am 28 year old, working in MNC with just salary of 50,000. I have savings of about 4 lakh. Please suggest me how should i manage by finance. My monthly expense is 15k and 10k i send at home.
Ans: I understand you're looking to manage your finances better. You're 28, working in an MNC, with a salary of Rs 50,000. You have Rs 4 lakhs in savings. Your monthly expenses are Rs 15,000, and you send Rs 10,000 home. Let's work together to create a solid financial plan for you.

Monthly Budget Analysis
First, let's break down your monthly income and expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs 50,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 15,000
Amount Sent Home: Rs 10,000
This leaves you with Rs 25,000 every month. You have been managing your expenses well. Let's see how we can make the most of your savings and surplus income.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential. It covers unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save at least 3-6 months of your expenses.

Monthly Expenses + Amount Sent Home: Rs 25,000
Emergency Fund Target: Rs 75,000 - Rs 1,50,000
Since you already have Rs 4 lakhs in savings, allocate Rs 1 lakh for your emergency fund. Keep this money in a liquid fund or a high-interest savings account for easy access.

Managing and Growing Your Savings
With Rs 3 lakhs left after setting aside your emergency fund, let's look at some options for growing your savings. Diversifying your investments can help in achieving your financial goals.

Fixed Deposits and Recurring Deposits
Fixed Deposits (FDs) and Recurring Deposits (RDs) are safe investment options with fixed returns. They are ideal for short-term goals.

FD: Invest Rs 1 lakh in a fixed deposit for a tenure of 1-2 years. This ensures safety and liquidity.
RD: Start a recurring deposit with Rs 5,000 per month. It helps in disciplined saving and earns decent interest.
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer higher returns than traditional savings options. Consider a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for balanced growth and stability.

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate Rs 1 lakh to equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Choose funds with a good track record.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest Rs 50,000 in debt mutual funds for short to medium-term goals. They are less risky than equity funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a great way to invest regularly in mutual funds. They average out market volatility and build wealth over time.

SIP Allocation: Start a SIP of Rs 5,000 per month in a balanced mutual fund. This ensures consistent investment and capital appreciation.
Insurance: Protecting Your Finances
Having adequate insurance is crucial to protect against unforeseen events. Ensure you have both health and life insurance.

Health Insurance
Health insurance covers medical expenses, reducing financial strain during health emergencies.

Coverage Amount: Opt for a health insurance policy with a coverage of Rs 5 lakhs. It provides a good safety net.
Family Coverage: If possible, include your parents in the policy. This ensures they are also covered in case of medical emergencies.
Life Insurance
Life insurance secures your family's financial future in case of your untimely demise.

Term Insurance: Choose a term insurance policy with coverage of Rs 50 lakhs. Term insurance is affordable and provides high coverage.
Avoid ULIPs: Avoid Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs) as they mix investment and insurance, often leading to higher costs and lower returns.
Tax Planning: Maximizing Your Savings
Effective tax planning helps in maximizing your savings and investments. Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions.

Section 80C Deductions
Investments under Section 80C help in reducing taxable income. The maximum limit is Rs 1.5 lakhs.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Invest Rs 50,000 in PPF. It offers tax-free returns and long-term growth.
ELSS Funds: Allocate Rs 50,000 in Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) mutual funds. They provide tax benefits and potential high returns.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Your EPF contributions are also eligible for Section 80C deductions. Ensure to check your EPF balance and contributions.
Health Insurance Premiums
Premiums paid for health insurance are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80D.

Self and Family: Claim up to Rs 25,000 for premiums paid for yourself, spouse, and children.
Parents: If you pay for your parents' health insurance, claim an additional Rs 25,000. If they are senior citizens, this limit increases to Rs 50,000.
Financial Goals and Planning
Identify and prioritize your financial goals. This helps in creating a focused and efficient investment plan.

Short-Term Goals
Short-term goals are those you aim to achieve within 1-3 years.

Emergency Fund: As discussed, ensure your emergency fund is well-maintained.
Travel Fund: If you plan to travel, start a dedicated fund. Allocate a part of your savings for this goal.
Medium-Term Goals
Medium-term goals are those you plan to achieve within 3-5 years.

Higher Education: If you plan to pursue higher education, start saving now. Consider education loans if needed.
Buying a Vehicle: If you intend to buy a car or bike, start a dedicated fund. Allocate Rs 1 lakh towards this goal.
Long-Term Goals
Long-term goals are those you plan to achieve in 5+ years.

Retirement Planning: Start saving for retirement early. The power of compounding works best over long periods.
House Purchase: If you plan to buy a house, start saving for the down payment. Allocate Rs 1 lakh towards this goal.
Monitoring and Reviewing Your Financial Plan
Regularly review your financial plan to ensure it stays aligned with your goals. Adjust your investments based on changes in your income, expenses, and financial goals.

Monthly Budget Review
Track your income and expenses every month. Ensure you are sticking to your budget and making necessary adjustments.

Investment Portfolio Review
Review your investment portfolio every six months. Assess the performance of your investments and make changes if needed.

Insurance Policy Review
Review your insurance policies annually. Ensure your coverage is adequate and update your policies as required.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and personalized advice. A CFP can help you create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs and goals.

Benefits of Consulting a CFP
Customized Advice: Get advice that matches your unique financial situation and goals.
Holistic Planning: A CFP considers all aspects of your finances, ensuring a well-rounded plan.
Expert Guidance: With their expertise, CFPs help you make informed decisions, optimizing your financial planning.
Final Insights
Managing your finances effectively involves careful planning and disciplined execution. By building an emergency fund, growing your savings through diversified investments, ensuring adequate insurance coverage, and maximizing tax savings, you can achieve financial stability and growth.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay aligned with your goals. Seek professional advice if needed to ensure your financial strategy is robust and efficient. With these steps, you can secure your financial future and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am a 18 year old living in Bangalore and I wanted to know how to manage my finances as I will be going to University from the 20th of this month. I want to know how to manage my savings and invest those savings for returns. I plan to ask my parents for 12,000 to 14,000 a month at the maximum which include my travel expenses for around 8,000 monthly.
Ans: Welcome to the exciting phase of starting university! Managing your finances at this stage is crucial. Your plan to ask your parents for Rs. 12,000 to Rs. 14,000 per month is a good start. Let’s break down how to use this money effectively.

Monthly Budgeting: The Foundation

First, let’s allocate your monthly funds wisely. Your travel expenses are Rs. 8,000. This leaves you with Rs. 4,000 to Rs. 6,000 for other expenses like food, supplies, and savings.

Allocating for Essentials

Ensure you set aside enough for food and essential items. This might be around Rs. 3,000 to Rs. 4,000. This leaves you with Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000 for savings and investments.

Building a Savings Habit

Start by putting aside a fixed amount each month into a savings account. Even small amounts can grow over time. This builds a habit of saving and provides a safety net for unexpected expenses.

Investment Basics for Young Adults

With the money you save, consider investing. Investments can help your savings grow over time. Here’s a look at some options suitable for a student like you.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly into mutual funds. They are flexible and start with as low as Rs. 500. They help you benefit from the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging. Actively managed funds, chosen with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), can offer better returns than index funds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds have professional managers making investment decisions. This can result in better performance compared to index funds, which simply track market indices. Fund managers actively seek opportunities to outperform the market.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds only replicate the market index. They don’t try to beat the market, limiting growth potential. Also, during market downturns, index funds can suffer as much as the market itself. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to minimise losses during such times.

The Role of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

A CFP can guide you in choosing the right actively managed funds. Investing through a regular fund via an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) with a CFP credential provides valuable insights and ongoing support. Direct funds lack this professional guidance.

Emergency Fund: Your Safety Net

Apart from SIPs, it’s wise to maintain an emergency fund. This should cover at least three months of expenses. It provides a buffer against unforeseen financial needs.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

While it might be tempting to invest in high-risk options for quick returns, it’s better to stick to safer investments. Risky investments can lead to losses, which is not ideal at the start of your financial journey.

Education on Financial Literacy

Take time to educate yourself about personal finance. Understanding basics like budgeting, saving, and investing will help you make informed decisions. There are many resources available online, including courses and articles.

Part-Time Work: An Additional Income Source

Consider taking up part-time work or internships. This not only provides additional income but also valuable work experience. It can enhance your skills and make you more employable after graduation.

Living Within Your Means

It’s crucial to live within your means. Avoid unnecessary expenses and distinguish between needs and wants. This practice will ensure you stay within your budget and save more.

Using Student Discounts

Take advantage of student discounts and offers. Many places offer discounts on food, travel, and entertainment for students. This can help you save money on essential and leisure activities.

Tracking Your Expenses

Keep track of your expenses. This helps you understand where your money goes and identify areas to cut costs. Many apps can help you with expense tracking and budgeting.

Building Credit Responsibly

If you get a credit card, use it responsibly. Pay off the full balance each month to avoid interest charges. Building a good credit history can be beneficial for future financial needs.

Health Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health insurance. This can protect you from high medical costs in case of illness or injury. Check if your parents' insurance covers you or consider getting student health insurance.

Long-Term Financial Planning

Even as a student, start thinking about long-term financial goals. This could include further education, buying a vehicle, or starting a business. Having a plan helps you stay focused and motivated.

Staying Informed

Stay informed about financial trends and updates. This can help you make better investment decisions. Regularly reading financial news and reports is a good practice.

Avoiding Debt

Avoid unnecessary debt. While student loans might be necessary, try to minimise other debts. High-interest debt can become a burden and hinder your financial growth.

Networking and Mentorship

Build a network of mentors and peers who can offer financial advice and support. Learning from others’ experiences can provide valuable insights and guidance.

Exploring Scholarship Opportunities

Look for scholarships and grants. These can significantly reduce your financial burden. Many organisations offer scholarships based on academic performance, talents, or financial need.

Balancing Academics and Finances

While managing finances is important, don’t let it overshadow your academics. Striking a balance is key to a successful university experience.

Learning from Mistakes

It’s okay to make financial mistakes. Learn from them and adjust your strategy. This is part of the learning process and helps you grow financially savvy.

Seeking Professional Advice

If you’re unsure about any financial decision, seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide personalised guidance tailored to your needs and goals.

Starting Small, Thinking Big

Start with small, manageable investments. Over time, these can grow significantly. Patience and consistency are vital in the world of investments.

Maintaining Financial Discipline

Discipline is key to financial success. Stick to your budget, save regularly, and invest wisely. This approach will set a strong foundation for your financial future.

Final Insights

Managing your finances as a student sets the stage for your future financial well-being. Start with budgeting, saving, and making informed investment decisions. Educate yourself continuously and seek guidance when needed. With discipline and smart choices, you can achieve financial stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 23 single and I earn 41k pm and I send 22k at my home to parents as a part of responsibility and keep 19k to myself in which i pay 6k as a rent and on an around i end with 1-2k around in the end of the month from the 19k and i have an SIP of 4000 per month, and have invested around 40k in stock market in equity, i lic of 1cr for which i pay 40k per year. Do give me advice for the financial management how should i get my financials strong and what steps should be taken for the same.
Ans: You have a monthly income of Rs. 41,000. You send Rs. 22,000 to your parents, which shows a strong sense of responsibility. After rent and expenses, you manage to save around Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000 per month. You also have an SIP of Rs. 4,000 and an investment of Rs. 40,000 in equities. Additionally, you pay Rs. 40,000 annually for a LIC policy with a cover of Rs. 1 crore. Your financial journey has begun, but you need a strategy to strengthen it further.

Budgeting: The Foundation of Financial Management
Budgeting is key to managing your finances better. Since your current savings are limited, a strict budget can help you find areas where you can cut costs. For example, you could look into reducing discretionary spending like eating out or entertainment. Saving small amounts from these areas can gradually build up your emergency fund.

Track Your Expenses:
Keep a detailed record of your monthly spending. This helps you identify where you can cut back.

Prioritize Saving:
Even small amounts saved every month can grow over time. Aim to increase your savings by Rs. 500 to Rs. 1,000 per month.

Reevaluate Your Rent:
Consider looking for a more affordable place to live if possible. Saving on rent can significantly impact your budget.

Reviewing Your SIP and Equity Investments
You have wisely started investing in an SIP and equities at a young age. This habit can yield significant returns over time. However, it’s essential to ensure your SIP is aligned with your financial goals.

Increase SIP Gradually:
Try to increase your SIP contributions by Rs. 500 to Rs. 1,000 every year. This small step can make a big difference over time.

Diversify Your Equity Portfolio:
If your Rs. 40,000 investment in equities is concentrated in a few stocks, consider diversifying. Spreading your investment across different sectors reduces risk.

Consider Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market. This offers better growth prospects compared to index funds.

Insurance and Risk Management
You have a Rs. 1 crore LIC policy, which is a significant step towards securing your financial future. However, it’s essential to review the policy’s terms and its alignment with your overall financial plan.

Reevaluate Your LIC Policy:
Evaluate if the annual Rs. 40,000 premium fits your current financial capacity. Consider if the policy provides value beyond just life cover.

Consider Term Insurance:
Term insurance is usually more cost-effective than traditional LIC policies. It provides the same coverage at a lower cost, allowing you to invest the savings.

Health Insurance:
If you don’t have health insurance, consider getting a basic plan. Medical emergencies can drain your savings quickly.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is a must-have for financial stability. It provides a safety net in case of unforeseen expenses or job loss. Aim to build a fund that covers at least three to six months of your expenses.

Start Small:
Begin by saving a portion of your Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000 monthly surplus. Gradually increase this amount as your income grows.

Keep It Accessible:
Ensure the money is easily accessible, but separate from your regular savings. A dedicated savings account is ideal.

Future Planning: Goals and Investments
At 23, you have time on your side. It’s the right time to think about your long-term goals, like buying a house, further education, or retirement. Early planning can help you achieve these goals more comfortably.

Set Clear Financial Goals:
Define what you want to achieve in the next 5, 10, and 20 years. This will guide your investment choices.

Consider Retirement Planning:
Even though retirement seems far away, starting early ensures you have a comfortable nest egg. Consider starting a PPF or NPS account to begin this journey.

Invest in Skill Development:
Investing in your skills can lead to better job opportunities and higher income. This, in turn, strengthens your financial position.

Managing Debt Wisely
Currently, you have no mention of loans or credit card debt, which is positive. However, managing debt is crucial as you progress in your career and take on more responsibilities.

Avoid High-Interest Debt:
If you ever need to take a loan, avoid high-interest options like personal loans or credit card debt.

Use Credit Cards Responsibly:
If you use a credit card, pay the full balance each month to avoid interest charges.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Your financial plan should not be static. As your income increases or life circumstances change, revisit your budget, investments, and goals.

Annual Review:
Make it a habit to review your financial plan every year. Adjust your SIPs, budget, and goals based on your current situation.

Stay Informed:
Keep yourself updated on financial products and market trends. This knowledge helps you make informed decisions.

Finally
Strengthening your financials at this stage is a wise decision. By budgeting, saving, and investing thoughtfully, you can build a strong financial foundation. With time and discipline, you’ll be well on your way to achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I am 40 yr old having work-expereince of 10 yrs behind me in ITes, customer support & service, banking and sales & marketing (product). My life till now can easily be converted into a bollywood biopic having its own twist & turns, roadblocks, struggles laughter, joy and sorrow. Change is the only constant in life and that exactly applies in my case. Although it has been a satisfactorily life till now given that I know myself and how I lead my life. Whenever I start to read something new I feel like going deep into it. I am also easily attracted to novel things & concepts. I usually get into procastination mode whenever I come across something entirely new and start to imagine myself trying it out in realilty.Why does this happens? Why can't I focus on one single thing at a time and see it to completion? I know in todays world generalists are looked down upon and it is an era of specialists, experts and professionals having good domain knowledge of their area of work. It is always better to be an expert than be a jack of all trades (which seems very filmy nowadays where a hero is expected to do everything on his own). Lately I have developed an avid interest in technology and i keep on reading various articles & books on IT and technology. I am also pursuing an online cyber security course from Great Learning Institute, Bangalore. I want to know am I going in the correct direction in life or is it something else I should do which ensures more satisfaction in life? Lately, I have become bit irriiated as well due to the above reasons as I tend to do multiple things at a time (multitasking). My parents are also fed up of me now. My mother keeps nagging me all day.I dont know how to really deal with her, as she always finds perfection in everything. That becomes too much at times. Does this happens in every household? Should I go out and travel to some place in order to temporarily escape from all this? Kindly suggest me some course of action. Pls answer. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You will be distracted and keep trying new things until you actually figure out what you want for yourself in life.
- How does you life seem like a few years down the line?
- What must you do NOW to actually get to where you want in life?

And to answer these questions, you first need to identify a strong, solid goal in life. Either you work with a mentor or your boss or a friend or an expert who can help you identify your goal and purpose. That might help you stay the course and actually streamline your thoughts, your job and your daily life.
Travel used for learning is great but using it to escape only worsens things...So, work on Goal-Setting!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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