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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir, i am 28 year old, working in MNC with just salary of 50,000. I have savings of about 4 lakh. Please suggest me how should i manage by finance. My monthly expense is 15k and 10k i send at home.

Ans: I understand you're looking to manage your finances better. You're 28, working in an MNC, with a salary of Rs 50,000. You have Rs 4 lakhs in savings. Your monthly expenses are Rs 15,000, and you send Rs 10,000 home. Let's work together to create a solid financial plan for you.

Monthly Budget Analysis
First, let's break down your monthly income and expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs 50,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 15,000
Amount Sent Home: Rs 10,000
This leaves you with Rs 25,000 every month. You have been managing your expenses well. Let's see how we can make the most of your savings and surplus income.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential. It covers unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save at least 3-6 months of your expenses.

Monthly Expenses + Amount Sent Home: Rs 25,000
Emergency Fund Target: Rs 75,000 - Rs 1,50,000
Since you already have Rs 4 lakhs in savings, allocate Rs 1 lakh for your emergency fund. Keep this money in a liquid fund or a high-interest savings account for easy access.

Managing and Growing Your Savings
With Rs 3 lakhs left after setting aside your emergency fund, let's look at some options for growing your savings. Diversifying your investments can help in achieving your financial goals.

Fixed Deposits and Recurring Deposits
Fixed Deposits (FDs) and Recurring Deposits (RDs) are safe investment options with fixed returns. They are ideal for short-term goals.

FD: Invest Rs 1 lakh in a fixed deposit for a tenure of 1-2 years. This ensures safety and liquidity.
RD: Start a recurring deposit with Rs 5,000 per month. It helps in disciplined saving and earns decent interest.
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer higher returns than traditional savings options. Consider a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for balanced growth and stability.

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate Rs 1 lakh to equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Choose funds with a good track record.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest Rs 50,000 in debt mutual funds for short to medium-term goals. They are less risky than equity funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a great way to invest regularly in mutual funds. They average out market volatility and build wealth over time.

SIP Allocation: Start a SIP of Rs 5,000 per month in a balanced mutual fund. This ensures consistent investment and capital appreciation.
Insurance: Protecting Your Finances
Having adequate insurance is crucial to protect against unforeseen events. Ensure you have both health and life insurance.

Health Insurance
Health insurance covers medical expenses, reducing financial strain during health emergencies.

Coverage Amount: Opt for a health insurance policy with a coverage of Rs 5 lakhs. It provides a good safety net.
Family Coverage: If possible, include your parents in the policy. This ensures they are also covered in case of medical emergencies.
Life Insurance
Life insurance secures your family's financial future in case of your untimely demise.

Term Insurance: Choose a term insurance policy with coverage of Rs 50 lakhs. Term insurance is affordable and provides high coverage.
Avoid ULIPs: Avoid Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs) as they mix investment and insurance, often leading to higher costs and lower returns.
Tax Planning: Maximizing Your Savings
Effective tax planning helps in maximizing your savings and investments. Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions.

Section 80C Deductions
Investments under Section 80C help in reducing taxable income. The maximum limit is Rs 1.5 lakhs.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Invest Rs 50,000 in PPF. It offers tax-free returns and long-term growth.
ELSS Funds: Allocate Rs 50,000 in Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) mutual funds. They provide tax benefits and potential high returns.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Your EPF contributions are also eligible for Section 80C deductions. Ensure to check your EPF balance and contributions.
Health Insurance Premiums
Premiums paid for health insurance are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80D.

Self and Family: Claim up to Rs 25,000 for premiums paid for yourself, spouse, and children.
Parents: If you pay for your parents' health insurance, claim an additional Rs 25,000. If they are senior citizens, this limit increases to Rs 50,000.
Financial Goals and Planning
Identify and prioritize your financial goals. This helps in creating a focused and efficient investment plan.

Short-Term Goals
Short-term goals are those you aim to achieve within 1-3 years.

Emergency Fund: As discussed, ensure your emergency fund is well-maintained.
Travel Fund: If you plan to travel, start a dedicated fund. Allocate a part of your savings for this goal.
Medium-Term Goals
Medium-term goals are those you plan to achieve within 3-5 years.

Higher Education: If you plan to pursue higher education, start saving now. Consider education loans if needed.
Buying a Vehicle: If you intend to buy a car or bike, start a dedicated fund. Allocate Rs 1 lakh towards this goal.
Long-Term Goals
Long-term goals are those you plan to achieve in 5+ years.

Retirement Planning: Start saving for retirement early. The power of compounding works best over long periods.
House Purchase: If you plan to buy a house, start saving for the down payment. Allocate Rs 1 lakh towards this goal.
Monitoring and Reviewing Your Financial Plan
Regularly review your financial plan to ensure it stays aligned with your goals. Adjust your investments based on changes in your income, expenses, and financial goals.

Monthly Budget Review
Track your income and expenses every month. Ensure you are sticking to your budget and making necessary adjustments.

Investment Portfolio Review
Review your investment portfolio every six months. Assess the performance of your investments and make changes if needed.

Insurance Policy Review
Review your insurance policies annually. Ensure your coverage is adequate and update your policies as required.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and personalized advice. A CFP can help you create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs and goals.

Benefits of Consulting a CFP
Customized Advice: Get advice that matches your unique financial situation and goals.
Holistic Planning: A CFP considers all aspects of your finances, ensuring a well-rounded plan.
Expert Guidance: With their expertise, CFPs help you make informed decisions, optimizing your financial planning.
Final Insights
Managing your finances effectively involves careful planning and disciplined execution. By building an emergency fund, growing your savings through diversified investments, ensuring adequate insurance coverage, and maximizing tax savings, you can achieve financial stability and growth.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay aligned with your goals. Seek professional advice if needed to ensure your financial strategy is robust and efficient. With these steps, you can secure your financial future and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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I'm 45 years old unemployed single living in own house, no loans, with 5 crores investment, i'm a very simple ordinary common middle class life style person with minimal needs for my own , please advice how to manage the finance, i don't prefer risky market related products, i have made loss of 40 lakhs in derivative trading, and my liking is for nsc scheme and bank fd, thank you
Ans: it's great to hear that you have a substantial amount saved and that you prefer a low-risk approach to your finances. Given your preference for NSC schemes and bank FDs, we can create a solid plan that aligns with your comfort zone and ensures you can live comfortably while safeguarding your principal amount.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
You are 45 years old, single, and unemployed. You live in your own house, have no loans, and have Rs 5 crores in investments. You prefer low-risk financial products and have previously incurred losses in derivative trading.

Setting Financial Goals
The first step is to set clear financial goals. Since you have minimal needs and prefer a middle-class lifestyle, your goals might include:

Ensuring a steady income to cover your living expenses.
Protecting your principal amount.
Having some liquidity for emergencies.
Planning for future healthcare needs.
Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses. Given your situation, setting aside 6 to 12 months of living expenses is advisable.

Emergency Fund:

Set aside Rs 20 lakhs in a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund.
This ensures easy access to funds during emergencies.
Generating Regular Income
To generate a steady income, you can invest in safe and reliable instruments. Here’s how to allocate your Rs 5 crores:

Fixed Deposits (FDs):

Invest Rs 1.5 crores in bank fixed deposits.
Choose FDs with different maturities for better liquidity.
Opt for monthly or quarterly interest payouts to ensure regular income.
National Savings Certificates (NSC):

NSC is a safe investment with guaranteed returns.
Invest Rs 1 crore in NSCs for long-term safety and decent interest.
Interest is compounded annually and is tax-free.
Diversified Low-Risk Portfolio
To further diversify your investments while keeping risk low, consider the following:

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS):

Invest Rs 45 lakhs in POMIS.
Provides a regular monthly income with a low-risk profile.
Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS):

If you are above 60, you can invest in SCSS.
Since you're 45, consider this option when you reach the eligible age.
SCSS offers regular interest payouts with safety.
Keeping Some Liquidity
It's important to have some liquid investments for easy access to funds. Here's how:

Short-Term Debt Funds:

Allocate Rs 50 lakhs to short-term debt funds.
These funds are low-risk and provide better returns than savings accounts.
They are ideal for maintaining liquidity and earning modest returns.
Health Insurance and Term Insurance
Having adequate insurance is essential to protect your financial future. Consider the following:

Health Insurance:

Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance policy.
This will cover medical expenses without depleting your savings.
Term Life Insurance:

A term plan provides financial security in case of any unfortunate event.
Ensure you have a term insurance policy with adequate coverage.
Efficient Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can save you money. Invest in tax-saving instruments and claim deductions:

Section 80C:

Invest in PPF, ELSS, or NSC to claim deductions up to Rs 1.5 lakh.
Section 80D:

Claim deductions for health insurance premiums.
Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly monitor your investments and make adjustments as needed. Here are some tips:

Annual Review:

Review your financial goals and progress annually.
Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner:

A CFP can provide professional advice and help you stay on track.
They can also assist in rebalancing your portfolio.
Managing Debt
Avoid taking unnecessary loans. If you have existing debt, prioritize paying it off. Here’s how:

Debt Repayment Strategy:

List all debts and their interest rates.
Pay off high-interest debts first.
Use any surplus funds to clear debts faster.
Setting Up a Retirement Fund
While planning for your current financial needs, don’t neglect your retirement. Start investing early for a secure retirement:

Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF):

Ensure you contribute to EPF.
It offers tax benefits and long-term savings.
National Pension System (NPS):

NPS is a good option for retirement planning.
It offers tax benefits under Section 80CCD.
Teaching Financial Literacy
Teaching yourself financial literacy is crucial. Building good habits will benefit you in the long run:

Simple Saving:

Understand the importance of saving money.
Use a budgeting app to track expenses and savings.
Basic Investing:

Learn the basics of investing.
Understand how different investment options work.
Final Insights
Financial planning is a journey. It requires discipline, regular monitoring, and adjustments. With proper planning, you can manage your loan repayments, start saving, and invest for a secure future. Remember to stay focused, be patient, and seek professional advice when needed. You are already taking a great step by planning for the future, and with consistent efforts, you will succeed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

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Money
Hi sir, i am 30 year old, working in MNC with salary of 55,000. My monthly expenses includes 26,000 Home loan EMI and 10,000 household expenses. Also annually 53,000 Paying for life insurance payment. Please suggest me how should i manage by finance.
Ans: I understand managing finances can be a bit overwhelming. You are doing a great job balancing your home loan EMI, household expenses, and life insurance payment. Let's break down your financial situation and explore ways to optimize it for a better future.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Your monthly salary is Rs 55,000, and you have several financial commitments.

Home loan EMI: Rs 26,000
Household expenses: Rs 10,000
Annual life insurance payment: Rs 53,000
This leaves you with Rs 19,000 each month. Your annual life insurance payment translates to roughly Rs 4,417 per month.

Assessing Your Financial Goals
At 30, you likely have various financial goals.

Building an emergency fund
Saving for future expenses, such as children's education or marriage
Planning for retirement
Enjoying life and achieving personal milestones
Let's break down how to achieve these goals step by step.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It should cover at least six months of your expenses.

Your monthly expenses total Rs 36,000 (EMI, household expenses, and life insurance).

Aim to save Rs 2,16,000 in your emergency fund.

Start by saving a portion of your Rs 19,000 surplus each month.

Optimizing Your Life Insurance
Review your life insurance policy.

Ensure it provides adequate coverage.

Consider whether it’s an investment cum insurance policy, like ULIPs or endowment plans.

These policies often have high costs and low returns.

If so, think about surrendering it and reinvesting in a more efficient mutual fund.

Exploring Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can be a powerful tool for wealth creation.

They offer diversification and professional management.

Let’s explore the types of mutual funds.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, suitable for long-term goals. Higher returns but more risk.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, suitable for short-term goals. Lower returns but safer.

Hybrid Funds: Invest in both stocks and bonds. Balanced risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Reduces risk by investing in various assets.

Professional Management: Experts handle your investments.

Liquidity: Easily buy and sell mutual fund units.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Invest small amounts regularly, ensuring disciplined savings.

Power of Compounding
Investing in mutual funds harnesses the power of compounding.

Earnings from your investments generate more earnings.

The earlier you start, the more your money grows over time.

Balancing Risk and Return
Investing always involves some risk.

Understand your risk tolerance before investing.

Equity funds are riskier but can offer higher returns.

Debt funds are safer but with lower returns.

Hybrid funds offer a middle ground.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds.

You can start with a small amount.

It helps in averaging out the cost and reduces market volatility impact.

Reviewing Your Budget
Let's review your budget to free up more funds for investment.

Salary: Rs 55,000
Home loan EMI: Rs 26,000
Household expenses: Rs 10,000
Life insurance: Rs 4,417 (monthly equivalent)
This leaves Rs 14,583 each month.

Reducing Household Expenses
Consider reducing household expenses.

Small savings can add up.

Review your monthly spending and identify areas to cut back.

Increasing Income
Look for opportunities to increase your income.

Could be a part-time job, freelancing, or passive income sources.

Regular Financial Review
Regularly review your financial plan.

Make adjustments based on changes in your life circumstances.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be beneficial.

They can provide personalized advice and help you navigate complex financial decisions.

Final Insights
Balancing financial commitments and planning for the future can be challenging, but with a strategic approach, it's achievable.

Build an emergency fund, optimize your insurance, explore mutual funds, and review your budget regularly.

Your financial journey is unique, and making informed decisions will help you achieve your goals.

Stay disciplined, be patient, and consult a CFP for tailored advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello I am 28 year old my in hand salary is 40kpm I am married women currently no child. How I manage my expense and savings ? In which fund I invest for secure future.
Ans: First, let's understand your current financial standing. With an in-hand salary of Rs 40,000 per month, you have a stable income. Being married and currently without children provides a unique opportunity to focus on building a strong financial foundation.

Compliments and Understanding

You're already ahead by thinking about your financial future. Many don't plan at your age. It shows your foresight and responsibility. Your proactive approach is commendable and will surely pave the way for a secure financial future.

Creating a Budget

A budget is the cornerstone of financial planning. It helps track income and expenses, ensuring that you live within your means and save for future goals.

Step-by-Step Budgeting

Income: Your monthly take-home salary is Rs 40,000.

Essential Expenses: Include rent, groceries, utilities, transportation, and healthcare. Aim to keep these below 50% of your income, which would be Rs 20,000.

Discretionary Expenses: Allocate 30% of your income to dining out, entertainment, and personal shopping. This would be Rs 12,000.

Savings and Investments: The remaining 20%, or Rs 8,000, should go towards savings and investments.

Emergency Fund

An emergency fund is a financial safety net. It should cover 3-6 months' worth of essential expenses.

Building an Emergency Fund

Start by setting aside a portion of your savings each month until you reach this target. A liquid fund is ideal for this purpose due to its low risk and easy access.

Investment Strategy

Investing wisely is crucial for wealth creation. Given your profile, a mix of investment options can provide stability and growth.

Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are excellent for long-term wealth creation. They offer diversification, professional management, and flexibility.

Actively Managed Funds: These funds aim to outperform the market through expert selection of securities. They are ideal for those who seek higher returns and are comfortable with moderate risk.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan)

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. It inculcates discipline and averages out the cost of investment over time, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Debt Funds

Debt funds are suitable for conservative investors. They invest in fixed-income securities and provide steady returns with lower risk.

Diversification

Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across different asset classes. This ensures that poor performance in one area does not drastically impact your overall portfolio.

Insurance Planning

Insurance is crucial for financial security. It protects against unforeseen events and ensures that your family's needs are met in your absence.

Life Insurance

Opt for a term plan with adequate coverage. Term plans offer high coverage at low premiums and are ideal for income replacement.

Health Insurance

Healthcare costs are rising. A comprehensive health insurance policy covers medical expenses, ensuring that your savings are not depleted by medical emergencies.

Retirement Planning

Retirement planning is essential for financial independence in later years. Start early to benefit from the power of compounding.

NPS (National Pension System)

NPS is a government-backed pension scheme. It offers tax benefits and helps build a retirement corpus.

Mutual Funds for Retirement

Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. They have the potential to generate higher returns, aiding in building a substantial retirement corpus.

Tax Planning

Efficient tax planning increases disposable income. Utilize available deductions and exemptions to reduce tax liability.

Section 80C Investments

Investments under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act offer tax deductions. Options include PPF, EPF, and ELSS.

Health Insurance Premiums

Premiums paid for health insurance qualify for deductions under Section 80D. This reduces taxable income while ensuring health coverage.

Goal-Based Planning

Financial goals provide direction and motivation. Categorize them into short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals.

Short-Term Goals

These include building an emergency fund and saving for a vacation or a gadget. Allocate funds in liquid or short-term debt funds.

Medium-Term Goals

These could be saving for a car or a down payment on a house. Consider balanced funds or debt funds for these goals.

Long-Term Goals

Long-term goals include children's education, retirement, and wealth creation. Equity mutual funds and SIPs are suitable for these goals due to their potential for high returns over time.

Review and Rebalance

Regular review of your financial plan is crucial. It ensures that your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance.

Annual Review

Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess your progress and make necessary adjustments.

Rebalancing

Rebalancing involves realigning the weightings of your portfolio. It helps maintain the desired level of risk and return.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

Certain financial mistakes can derail your plans. Being aware of these can help you avoid them.

Overspending

Stick to your budget and avoid impulse purchases. This ensures that you live within your means and save for future goals.

Inadequate Insurance

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects against financial hardships due to unforeseen events.

Ignoring Inflation

Inflation erodes the value of money over time. Ensure your investments generate returns that outpace inflation.

Investment Tips

Here are some additional tips to enhance your investment strategy.

Start Early

The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow. This maximizes the benefits of compounding.

Stay Invested

Stay invested for the long term to ride out market volatility. Short-term market fluctuations should not deter you from your financial goals.

Seek Professional Advice

A certified financial planner can provide personalized advice. They can help you create a tailored financial plan that aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights

Your proactive approach towards financial planning is commendable. By creating a budget, building an emergency fund, investing wisely, and planning for insurance and retirement, you're on the right path. Regular reviews and avoiding common pitfalls will ensure that you stay on track.

Your financial journey is unique, and with careful planning and disciplined execution, you can achieve your financial goals. Remember, the key to financial success is consistency and patience.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

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You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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