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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir I have 125000 income out of which 70000 goes for home loan I have two kids they are studying in degree and MBA and I am not able to save money how to plan for future and how to cut short expenses please advise

Ans: Planning for the future when you have a significant portion of your income allocated to a home loan and educational expenses for your children can be challenging. With a monthly income of Rs. 125,000 and Rs. 70,000 going towards your home loan, it's essential to find ways to manage your finances effectively. In this guide, I will provide a comprehensive plan to help you cut expenses, save money, and plan for a secure financial future.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs. 125,000. The home loan EMI is Rs. 70,000, which leaves you with Rs. 55,000 for other expenses. This allocation shows a heavy burden from the home loan.

Education Costs
Your children are studying in degree and MBA programs. Educational expenses can be high, including tuition fees, books, and other costs. These need careful planning.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Creating a Budget
Start with a detailed budget. List all your expenses, categorizing them into fixed (home loan EMI, education fees) and variable (groceries, utilities, entertainment). This clarity helps in identifying areas where you can cut costs.

Prioritizing Expenses
Prioritize essential expenses like education, utilities, and groceries. Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced or eliminated. This step is crucial for effective financial management.

Tracking Spending
Track your spending to ensure adherence to the budget. Use tools like expense-tracking apps or maintain a manual record. This practice helps in monitoring and controlling expenses.

Cutting Down Expenses
Reducing Discretionary Spending
Discretionary spending includes entertainment, dining out, and luxury items. Reduce these expenses by choosing cost-effective alternatives. For example, cook at home instead of dining out.

Saving on Utilities
Implement energy-saving measures to reduce utility bills. Use energy-efficient appliances, turn off lights when not in use, and opt for energy-saving plans offered by utility providers.

Educational Expenses
Look for scholarships, grants, or educational loans with favorable terms for your children. Encourage them to seek part-time jobs or internships to support their education costs.

Debt Management
Refinancing Your Home Loan
Explore the possibility of refinancing your home loan. Refinancing at a lower interest rate can reduce your EMI, freeing up funds for savings and other expenses.

Prepaying Your Loan
If you receive any windfalls or bonuses, consider using them to prepay your home loan. This strategy reduces the principal amount and, consequently, the interest burden.

Increasing Income
Exploring Additional Income Sources
Look for additional income sources such as freelancing, part-time jobs, or consulting. Leveraging your skills and expertise can provide an extra income stream.

Passive Income Opportunities
Consider passive income opportunities like investments in mutual funds or fixed deposits. These investments can generate additional income over time.

Financial Planning for the Future
Setting Financial Goals
Set clear financial goals for the short term, medium term, and long term. Goals could include building an emergency fund, saving for your children’s higher education, and planning for retirement.

Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion during unforeseen circumstances like job loss or medical emergencies.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate insurance coverage for health, life, and critical illness. This coverage protects your family from financial hardships in case of unexpected events.

Investment Strategy
Diversified Investment Portfolio
Create a diversified investment portfolio based on your risk tolerance and financial goals. Consider investing in mutual funds, fixed deposits, and other safe instruments.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers who actively make investment decisions to outperform the market. These funds can potentially provide higher returns compared to index funds, though they come with higher fees.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds require investors to manage their investments themselves, which can be challenging without expertise. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management and better financial planning.

Financial Planning for Children’s Education
Education Fund
Start an education fund dedicated to your children's higher education. Regular contributions to this fund ensure you are financially prepared for their future educational needs.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds. SIPs allow regular, disciplined investments that can grow over time, helping you accumulate a substantial education fund.

Retirement Planning
Early Planning
Start planning for retirement early. The earlier you start, the more time your investments have to grow, ensuring a comfortable retirement.

Retirement Funds
Invest in retirement-specific funds like the Public Provident Fund (PPF) or Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF). These funds provide long-term growth with tax benefits.

Genuine Compliments and Empathy
Compliments
Your commitment to your family’s future is truly admirable. Balancing a home loan, educational expenses, and daily living costs is challenging, and your dedication is commendable.

Empathy
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed by financial pressures. Many families face similar challenges, and seeking help to improve your financial situation is a positive step.

Practical Steps for Implementation
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your financial plan and adjust it as needed. Changes in income, expenses, or financial goals should prompt a review of your budget and investment strategy.

Professional Guidance
Engage a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to help you create and manage your financial plan. A CFP provides expert advice, ensuring your financial decisions align with your goals.

Educating Family
Educate your family about financial management. Involving them in budgeting and saving processes fosters a collective effort towards achieving financial stability.

Final Insights
Balancing income, debt, and family expenses requires careful planning and disciplined execution. By creating a detailed budget, prioritizing expenses, and exploring additional income sources, you can manage your finances more effectively. Investing in a diversified portfolio, planning for your children’s education, and securing your retirement are essential steps for a secure financial future.

Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional guidance tailored to your unique situation. Your dedication to your family’s well-being and financial security is commendable. With the right strategies and support, you can achieve your financial goals and enjoy peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir M 34 years old and my income is just 22k help me how to plan and save for my kids and education one is 7yrs old and one is 5yrs old and m leaving in rented house till now no investment nothing pls guide me as m going down day by day and not able to concentrate on anything and help me planning financially as i want to educate my kids well and how to invest for more income and any scholarship also let me know
Ans: I understand your concerns about financial planning, especially with the responsibility of your children's education on your shoulders. Here's a simplified plan to help you get started:

Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund. Aim to save at least 3-6 months' worth of expenses. This fund will provide a safety net in case of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Budgeting: Create a monthly budget to track your income and expenses. This will help you identify areas where you can cut back on expenses and save more.

Children's Education: For your children's education, consider investing in a Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) or Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are government-backed schemes with tax benefits that can help you save for their future education.

Investments: With a monthly income of 22k, it's crucial to start small but consistent investments. Look for Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance and investment goals. Even a small amount invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Scholarships: Research and apply for scholarships for your children. Many organizations and educational institutions offer scholarships based on merit or financial need.

Rental House: While renting provides flexibility, consider your long-term housing needs. If possible, start saving for a down payment on a house. Owning a home can provide stability and serve as an investment for the future.

Additional Income: Explore ways to increase your income, such as taking up a part-time job or freelancing. Every extra rupee can make a difference in your savings and investments.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Start small, stay consistent, and review your plan regularly to make necessary adjustments. Seek advice from a financial advisor if needed to tailor a plan that suits your specific situation and goals.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Money
My monthly income is Rs. 50,000. I have two children, and my monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000. I haven't been able to save anything so far. Please give me some tips so that I can save some money in the coming year and fund my children's education with my savings.
Ans: You have a monthly income of Rs. 50,000. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000. You haven't been able to save anything so far. You also have two children and wish to fund their education with your savings.

Understanding Your Situation
I understand the pressure you feel managing expenses and trying to save. You're not alone, many face this challenge. Let's work on a plan to help you save and secure your children's future.

Evaluating Expenses
First, let's examine your expenses. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000 out of Rs. 50,000 income. This leaves Rs. 15,000 as potential savings. Identifying areas where you can cut costs can significantly impact your savings.

Expense Breakdown
Let's categorize your expenses:

Essential Expenses: Rent, groceries, utilities, education fees.
Non-Essential Expenses: Dining out, entertainment, luxury items.
Tracking your spending for a month will highlight areas to reduce non-essential expenses.

Creating a Budget
Creating a budget is essential. Allocate a specific amount to each category:

Essentials: Rs. 25,000
Non-Essentials: Rs. 5,000
Savings: Rs. 10,000
Stick to this budget and monitor regularly.

Setting Financial Goals
Set short-term and long-term financial goals. Short-term goals include building an emergency fund. Long-term goals are funding your children's education and retirement.

Emergency Fund
Building an emergency fund is crucial. Aim for 3-6 months of living expenses. Start with Rs. 1,000 a month and gradually increase it.

Children's Education Fund
Investing in mutual funds can help grow your savings for your children's education. Mutual funds offer various options based on risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Mutual Funds: An Overview
Categories: There are equity, debt, hybrid funds. Equity funds invest in stocks, debt funds in bonds, hybrid in both.

Advantages: They offer diversification, professional management, and liquidity. They can deliver good returns over time.

Power of Compounding: Investing early helps. The returns on your investment earn returns, growing your wealth exponentially.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds have a fund manager making investment decisions. Index funds track a market index. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds have lower fees but don't beat the market. They follow the index and lack flexibility. Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes, aiming for higher returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers personalized advice. They help select funds matching your goals and risk profile. They provide regular reviews and adjustments to your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIP allows regular, disciplined investing. You invest a fixed amount monthly. This averages out purchase cost and reduces risk. Start a SIP in a mutual fund aligned with your goals.

Reviewing Insurance Policies
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. Avoid investment-linked insurance plans like ULIPs. Pure term insurance offers higher coverage at lower premiums.

Reducing Debt
If you have any debt, prioritize paying it off. High-interest debt can erode your savings. Create a plan to clear debt systematically.

Lifestyle Adjustments
Small lifestyle changes can lead to significant savings:

Cooking at Home: Reduces dining out expenses.
Public Transport: Saves on fuel and maintenance.
Bulk Buying: Reduces grocery costs.
Additional Income Streams
Consider side jobs or freelancing to boost income. This additional income can be directed towards savings and investments.

Educating Children on Financial Literacy
Teach your children the value of money. Encourage them to save and spend wisely. This fosters financial responsibility from a young age.

Tracking Progress
Regularly review your financial plan. Track your expenses and savings. Adjust your budget as needed to stay on track.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice. They can help create a comprehensive financial plan and guide your investments.

Emotional Well-being
Financial stress is common. Remember to take care of your mental health. Balance saving with enjoying life. Celebrate small financial milestones.

Final Insights
Saving for your children's education while managing expenses is challenging but achievable. Focus on budgeting, reducing non-essential expenses, and investing wisely. Utilize mutual funds for their potential returns and power of compounding. Avoid index funds in favor of actively managed funds. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Small lifestyle adjustments can lead to significant savings. Remember to take care of your emotional well-being during this journey. You're on the right path, and with consistent efforts, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Dev

Dev Ashish  | Answer  |Ask -

MF Expert, Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, I am 43 yrs old and have a govt job . M monthly salary is 1 lakhs. I have two kids of age 13yrs and 8yrs.. How can I save a good amount for higher studies if my kids.
Ans: While your monthly salary is Rs 1 lakh, the surplus available after expenses is not known. But to give you an idea about how much would the investment requirement for both kids, we can run a simulation.

For the elder child aged 13 years, you have about 5 years to save money. If we assume a goal cost of Rs 20 lakh (in today's value) and adjust it for 10% inflation over the next 5 years, then the corpus required in 5 years will be about Rs 32 lakh. And since details of existing savings aren't available, then at 50:50 Equity:Debt allocation, you will need to start investing Rs 37,500 per month. And this amount needs to be increased by at least 5% each year (assuming similar growth in income) for the next 10 years.

Similarly for the younger child aged 8 years, you have about 10 years to save money. If we assume a goal cost of Rs 20 lakh (in today's value) and adjust it for 10% inflation over the next 10 years, then the corpus required in 10 years will be about Rs 52 lakh. And since details of existing savings aren't available, then at 75:25 Equity:Debt allocation, you will need to start investing Rs 20,500 per month. And this amount needs to be increased by at least 5% each year (assuming similar growth in income) for the next 10 years.

We don't have information about your risk appetite. But assuming that it is at least moderately aggressive, then, you can start investing in a combination of largecap index funds, flexicap funds, midcap funds.

Thanks
Dev Ashish,
SEBI Registered Investment Advisor (Fee-Only RIA)
Founder, StableInvestor.com
Twitter (@Stableinvestor)

Note (Disclaimer) - As a SEBI RIA, I cannot comment on specific schemes/funds that are provided or asked for in the questions in the platform. And the views expressed above should not be considered professional investment advice or advertisement or otherwise. No specific product/service recommendations have been made and the answers here are for general educational purposes only. The readers are requested to take into consideration all the risk factors including their financial condition, suitability to risk-return profile and the like and take professional investment advice before investing.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 42 yr old my and my wife total income is 85000 . Our expenses two kids school fees 17000, EMI ( Personal Loan almost 7 lacs with different banks and 4 more years to pay) 30000 , rent 20000 , household expenses 20000 , Credit card bill extra. I can't able to save anything but overspending above income . I will not able to cut my rent , household expenses, kids fees . Pls tell me how can I manage.
Ans: Balancing finances while managing expenses can be challenging. With a combined monthly income of Rs. 85,000, school fees of Rs. 17,000, EMI of Rs. 30,000, rent of Rs. 20,000, and household expenses of Rs. 20,000, it’s clear that your financial situation requires strategic adjustments. Let’s create a plan to help you manage your finances effectively and achieve stability.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Expenses:

Total Income: Rs. 85,000
School Fees: Rs. 17,000
EMI: Rs. 30,000
Rent: Rs. 20,000
Household Expenses: Rs. 20,000
Total Expenses: Rs. 87,000 (excluding credit card bills)
Identifying the Challenges
Your current situation shows an overspending of Rs. 2,000 per month, not including credit card bills. This indicates a need to control expenses and find ways to increase income.

Strategies for Managing Finances
1. Assess and Prioritize Expenses:

School Fees: Non-negotiable, but explore scholarships or educational grants.
EMI: Fixed, but consider consolidating loans for lower interest rates.
Rent: Fixed, but ensure you’re getting the best value.
Household Expenses: Evaluate and identify areas for cost-cutting.
2. Creating a Budget:

A detailed budget helps track spending and identify savings opportunities. Start by listing all income sources and fixed expenses. Then, allocate funds for variable expenses and savings.

3. Reducing Debt:

Consolidate Loans: If possible, consolidate personal loans to lower interest rates.
Negotiate Terms: Speak with banks to negotiate better EMI terms or temporary relief.
Credit Card Debt: Prioritize paying off credit card debt due to high-interest rates.
Increasing Income Streams
1. Explore Additional Income Opportunities:

Consider part-time jobs, freelancing, or consulting based on your skills. Small additional income can significantly impact your financial situation.

2. Upskill for Better Opportunities:

Invest in skills or certifications that can lead to higher-paying jobs. Online courses or professional training can enhance career prospects.

Financial Discipline and Smart Spending
1. Avoid Unnecessary Expenses:

Identify and cut down on non-essential spending. This includes dining out, entertainment, and impulsive purchases.

2. Use Cash or Debit Cards:

Limit the use of credit cards to avoid accumulating high-interest debt. Use cash or debit cards for everyday purchases.

3. Save on Utilities:

Implement energy-saving practices to reduce utility bills. Simple steps like turning off lights and using energy-efficient appliances can save money.

Effective Debt Management
1. Prioritize High-Interest Debt:

Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, such as credit cards. This reduces the overall interest burden.

2. Create a Debt Repayment Plan:

List all debts, interest rates, and EMIs. Create a plan to pay off high-interest debts first while maintaining minimum payments on others.

Building an Emergency Fund
1. Start Small:

Begin with a modest goal, like saving Rs. 5,000 per month. Gradually increase the amount as your financial situation improves.

2. Keep it Liquid:

Ensure the emergency fund is easily accessible. Use savings accounts or liquid mutual funds for this purpose.

Long-Term Financial Planning
1. Set Clear Financial Goals:

Define short-term and long-term financial goals. This could include debt-free living, children’s education, or retirement planning.

2. Invest Wisely:

Start investing in mutual funds or SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) once debts are under control. This helps in wealth accumulation over time.

3. Plan for Children’s Education:

Invest in child-specific mutual funds or savings plans to secure your children’s educational future.

Insurance and Risk Management
1. Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for the family. This protects against high medical expenses.

2. Life Insurance:

Adequate life insurance is essential to provide for your family in case of an untimely event.

Regular Financial Review
1. Monitor and Adjust:

Regularly review your financial plan and adjust as needed. This helps in staying on track and making necessary changes.

2. Seek Professional Help:

If needed, consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. They can provide tailored strategies for your situation.

Final Insights
Managing finances with a tight budget requires discipline and strategic planning. Here’s a summary of your action plan:

Action Plan Summary:
1. Evaluate Expenses:

Assess school fees, EMIs, rent, and household expenses to identify cost-saving opportunities.

2. Create a Budget:

Establish a detailed budget to track income and expenses, identifying areas for savings.

3. Reduce Debt:

Consolidate loans, negotiate terms, and prioritize paying off high-interest debts like credit cards.

4. Increase Income:

Explore additional income opportunities, upskill for better job prospects, and consider part-time jobs or freelancing.

5. Smart Spending:

Avoid unnecessary expenses, use cash or debit cards, and save on utilities to reduce costs.

6. Build an Emergency Fund:

Start small, keep the fund liquid, and gradually increase savings for unexpected expenses.

7. Long-Term Planning:

Set clear financial goals, invest wisely in mutual funds or SIPs, and plan for children’s education.

8. Insurance Coverage:

Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage for the family’s financial security.

9. Regular Review:

Monitor and adjust your financial plan regularly, seeking professional help if needed.

By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve financial stability and secure a brighter future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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