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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir I have 125000 income out of which 70000 goes for home loan I have two kids they are studying in degree and MBA and I am not able to save money how to plan for future and how to cut short expenses please advise

Ans: Planning for the future when you have a significant portion of your income allocated to a home loan and educational expenses for your children can be challenging. With a monthly income of Rs. 125,000 and Rs. 70,000 going towards your home loan, it's essential to find ways to manage your finances effectively. In this guide, I will provide a comprehensive plan to help you cut expenses, save money, and plan for a secure financial future.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs. 125,000. The home loan EMI is Rs. 70,000, which leaves you with Rs. 55,000 for other expenses. This allocation shows a heavy burden from the home loan.

Education Costs
Your children are studying in degree and MBA programs. Educational expenses can be high, including tuition fees, books, and other costs. These need careful planning.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Creating a Budget
Start with a detailed budget. List all your expenses, categorizing them into fixed (home loan EMI, education fees) and variable (groceries, utilities, entertainment). This clarity helps in identifying areas where you can cut costs.

Prioritizing Expenses
Prioritize essential expenses like education, utilities, and groceries. Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced or eliminated. This step is crucial for effective financial management.

Tracking Spending
Track your spending to ensure adherence to the budget. Use tools like expense-tracking apps or maintain a manual record. This practice helps in monitoring and controlling expenses.

Cutting Down Expenses
Reducing Discretionary Spending
Discretionary spending includes entertainment, dining out, and luxury items. Reduce these expenses by choosing cost-effective alternatives. For example, cook at home instead of dining out.

Saving on Utilities
Implement energy-saving measures to reduce utility bills. Use energy-efficient appliances, turn off lights when not in use, and opt for energy-saving plans offered by utility providers.

Educational Expenses
Look for scholarships, grants, or educational loans with favorable terms for your children. Encourage them to seek part-time jobs or internships to support their education costs.

Debt Management
Refinancing Your Home Loan
Explore the possibility of refinancing your home loan. Refinancing at a lower interest rate can reduce your EMI, freeing up funds for savings and other expenses.

Prepaying Your Loan
If you receive any windfalls or bonuses, consider using them to prepay your home loan. This strategy reduces the principal amount and, consequently, the interest burden.

Increasing Income
Exploring Additional Income Sources
Look for additional income sources such as freelancing, part-time jobs, or consulting. Leveraging your skills and expertise can provide an extra income stream.

Passive Income Opportunities
Consider passive income opportunities like investments in mutual funds or fixed deposits. These investments can generate additional income over time.

Financial Planning for the Future
Setting Financial Goals
Set clear financial goals for the short term, medium term, and long term. Goals could include building an emergency fund, saving for your children’s higher education, and planning for retirement.

Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion during unforeseen circumstances like job loss or medical emergencies.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate insurance coverage for health, life, and critical illness. This coverage protects your family from financial hardships in case of unexpected events.

Investment Strategy
Diversified Investment Portfolio
Create a diversified investment portfolio based on your risk tolerance and financial goals. Consider investing in mutual funds, fixed deposits, and other safe instruments.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers who actively make investment decisions to outperform the market. These funds can potentially provide higher returns compared to index funds, though they come with higher fees.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds require investors to manage their investments themselves, which can be challenging without expertise. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management and better financial planning.

Financial Planning for Children’s Education
Education Fund
Start an education fund dedicated to your children's higher education. Regular contributions to this fund ensure you are financially prepared for their future educational needs.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds. SIPs allow regular, disciplined investments that can grow over time, helping you accumulate a substantial education fund.

Retirement Planning
Early Planning
Start planning for retirement early. The earlier you start, the more time your investments have to grow, ensuring a comfortable retirement.

Retirement Funds
Invest in retirement-specific funds like the Public Provident Fund (PPF) or Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF). These funds provide long-term growth with tax benefits.

Genuine Compliments and Empathy
Compliments
Your commitment to your family’s future is truly admirable. Balancing a home loan, educational expenses, and daily living costs is challenging, and your dedication is commendable.

Empathy
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed by financial pressures. Many families face similar challenges, and seeking help to improve your financial situation is a positive step.

Practical Steps for Implementation
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your financial plan and adjust it as needed. Changes in income, expenses, or financial goals should prompt a review of your budget and investment strategy.

Professional Guidance
Engage a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to help you create and manage your financial plan. A CFP provides expert advice, ensuring your financial decisions align with your goals.

Educating Family
Educate your family about financial management. Involving them in budgeting and saving processes fosters a collective effort towards achieving financial stability.

Final Insights
Balancing income, debt, and family expenses requires careful planning and disciplined execution. By creating a detailed budget, prioritizing expenses, and exploring additional income sources, you can manage your finances more effectively. Investing in a diversified portfolio, planning for your children’s education, and securing your retirement are essential steps for a secure financial future.

Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional guidance tailored to your unique situation. Your dedication to your family’s well-being and financial security is commendable. With the right strategies and support, you can achieve your financial goals and enjoy peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir M 34 years old and my income is just 22k help me how to plan and save for my kids and education one is 7yrs old and one is 5yrs old and m leaving in rented house till now no investment nothing pls guide me as m going down day by day and not able to concentrate on anything and help me planning financially as i want to educate my kids well and how to invest for more income and any scholarship also let me know
Ans: I understand your concerns about financial planning, especially with the responsibility of your children's education on your shoulders. Here's a simplified plan to help you get started:

Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund. Aim to save at least 3-6 months' worth of expenses. This fund will provide a safety net in case of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Budgeting: Create a monthly budget to track your income and expenses. This will help you identify areas where you can cut back on expenses and save more.

Children's Education: For your children's education, consider investing in a Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) or Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are government-backed schemes with tax benefits that can help you save for their future education.

Investments: With a monthly income of 22k, it's crucial to start small but consistent investments. Look for Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance and investment goals. Even a small amount invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Scholarships: Research and apply for scholarships for your children. Many organizations and educational institutions offer scholarships based on merit or financial need.

Rental House: While renting provides flexibility, consider your long-term housing needs. If possible, start saving for a down payment on a house. Owning a home can provide stability and serve as an investment for the future.

Additional Income: Explore ways to increase your income, such as taking up a part-time job or freelancing. Every extra rupee can make a difference in your savings and investments.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Start small, stay consistent, and review your plan regularly to make necessary adjustments. Seek advice from a financial advisor if needed to tailor a plan that suits your specific situation and goals.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Money
My monthly income is Rs. 50,000. I have two children, and my monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000. I haven't been able to save anything so far. Please give me some tips so that I can save some money in the coming year and fund my children's education with my savings.
Ans: You have a monthly income of Rs. 50,000. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000. You haven't been able to save anything so far. You also have two children and wish to fund their education with your savings.

Understanding Your Situation
I understand the pressure you feel managing expenses and trying to save. You're not alone, many face this challenge. Let's work on a plan to help you save and secure your children's future.

Evaluating Expenses
First, let's examine your expenses. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000 out of Rs. 50,000 income. This leaves Rs. 15,000 as potential savings. Identifying areas where you can cut costs can significantly impact your savings.

Expense Breakdown
Let's categorize your expenses:

Essential Expenses: Rent, groceries, utilities, education fees.
Non-Essential Expenses: Dining out, entertainment, luxury items.
Tracking your spending for a month will highlight areas to reduce non-essential expenses.

Creating a Budget
Creating a budget is essential. Allocate a specific amount to each category:

Essentials: Rs. 25,000
Non-Essentials: Rs. 5,000
Savings: Rs. 10,000
Stick to this budget and monitor regularly.

Setting Financial Goals
Set short-term and long-term financial goals. Short-term goals include building an emergency fund. Long-term goals are funding your children's education and retirement.

Emergency Fund
Building an emergency fund is crucial. Aim for 3-6 months of living expenses. Start with Rs. 1,000 a month and gradually increase it.

Children's Education Fund
Investing in mutual funds can help grow your savings for your children's education. Mutual funds offer various options based on risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Mutual Funds: An Overview
Categories: There are equity, debt, hybrid funds. Equity funds invest in stocks, debt funds in bonds, hybrid in both.

Advantages: They offer diversification, professional management, and liquidity. They can deliver good returns over time.

Power of Compounding: Investing early helps. The returns on your investment earn returns, growing your wealth exponentially.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds have a fund manager making investment decisions. Index funds track a market index. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds have lower fees but don't beat the market. They follow the index and lack flexibility. Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes, aiming for higher returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers personalized advice. They help select funds matching your goals and risk profile. They provide regular reviews and adjustments to your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIP allows regular, disciplined investing. You invest a fixed amount monthly. This averages out purchase cost and reduces risk. Start a SIP in a mutual fund aligned with your goals.

Reviewing Insurance Policies
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. Avoid investment-linked insurance plans like ULIPs. Pure term insurance offers higher coverage at lower premiums.

Reducing Debt
If you have any debt, prioritize paying it off. High-interest debt can erode your savings. Create a plan to clear debt systematically.

Lifestyle Adjustments
Small lifestyle changes can lead to significant savings:

Cooking at Home: Reduces dining out expenses.
Public Transport: Saves on fuel and maintenance.
Bulk Buying: Reduces grocery costs.
Additional Income Streams
Consider side jobs or freelancing to boost income. This additional income can be directed towards savings and investments.

Educating Children on Financial Literacy
Teach your children the value of money. Encourage them to save and spend wisely. This fosters financial responsibility from a young age.

Tracking Progress
Regularly review your financial plan. Track your expenses and savings. Adjust your budget as needed to stay on track.

Seeking Professional Advice
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice. They can help create a comprehensive financial plan and guide your investments.

Emotional Well-being
Financial stress is common. Remember to take care of your mental health. Balance saving with enjoying life. Celebrate small financial milestones.

Final Insights
Saving for your children's education while managing expenses is challenging but achievable. Focus on budgeting, reducing non-essential expenses, and investing wisely. Utilize mutual funds for their potential returns and power of compounding. Avoid index funds in favor of actively managed funds. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Small lifestyle adjustments can lead to significant savings. Remember to take care of your emotional well-being during this journey. You're on the right path, and with consistent efforts, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Dev

Dev Ashish  | Answer  |Ask -

MF Expert, Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, I am 43 yrs old and have a govt job . M monthly salary is 1 lakhs. I have two kids of age 13yrs and 8yrs.. How can I save a good amount for higher studies if my kids.
Ans: While your monthly salary is Rs 1 lakh, the surplus available after expenses is not known. But to give you an idea about how much would the investment requirement for both kids, we can run a simulation.

For the elder child aged 13 years, you have about 5 years to save money. If we assume a goal cost of Rs 20 lakh (in today's value) and adjust it for 10% inflation over the next 5 years, then the corpus required in 5 years will be about Rs 32 lakh. And since details of existing savings aren't available, then at 50:50 Equity:Debt allocation, you will need to start investing Rs 37,500 per month. And this amount needs to be increased by at least 5% each year (assuming similar growth in income) for the next 10 years.

Similarly for the younger child aged 8 years, you have about 10 years to save money. If we assume a goal cost of Rs 20 lakh (in today's value) and adjust it for 10% inflation over the next 10 years, then the corpus required in 10 years will be about Rs 52 lakh. And since details of existing savings aren't available, then at 75:25 Equity:Debt allocation, you will need to start investing Rs 20,500 per month. And this amount needs to be increased by at least 5% each year (assuming similar growth in income) for the next 10 years.

We don't have information about your risk appetite. But assuming that it is at least moderately aggressive, then, you can start investing in a combination of largecap index funds, flexicap funds, midcap funds.

Thanks
Dev Ashish,
SEBI Registered Investment Advisor (Fee-Only RIA)
Founder, StableInvestor.com
Twitter (@Stableinvestor)

Note (Disclaimer) - As a SEBI RIA, I cannot comment on specific schemes/funds that are provided or asked for in the questions in the platform. And the views expressed above should not be considered professional investment advice or advertisement or otherwise. No specific product/service recommendations have been made and the answers here are for general educational purposes only. The readers are requested to take into consideration all the risk factors including their financial condition, suitability to risk-return profile and the like and take professional investment advice before investing.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 42 yr old my and my wife total income is 85000 . Our expenses two kids school fees 17000, EMI ( Personal Loan almost 7 lacs with different banks and 4 more years to pay) 30000 , rent 20000 , household expenses 20000 , Credit card bill extra. I can't able to save anything but overspending above income . I will not able to cut my rent , household expenses, kids fees . Pls tell me how can I manage.
Ans: Balancing finances while managing expenses can be challenging. With a combined monthly income of Rs. 85,000, school fees of Rs. 17,000, EMI of Rs. 30,000, rent of Rs. 20,000, and household expenses of Rs. 20,000, it’s clear that your financial situation requires strategic adjustments. Let’s create a plan to help you manage your finances effectively and achieve stability.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Expenses:

Total Income: Rs. 85,000
School Fees: Rs. 17,000
EMI: Rs. 30,000
Rent: Rs. 20,000
Household Expenses: Rs. 20,000
Total Expenses: Rs. 87,000 (excluding credit card bills)
Identifying the Challenges
Your current situation shows an overspending of Rs. 2,000 per month, not including credit card bills. This indicates a need to control expenses and find ways to increase income.

Strategies for Managing Finances
1. Assess and Prioritize Expenses:

School Fees: Non-negotiable, but explore scholarships or educational grants.
EMI: Fixed, but consider consolidating loans for lower interest rates.
Rent: Fixed, but ensure you’re getting the best value.
Household Expenses: Evaluate and identify areas for cost-cutting.
2. Creating a Budget:

A detailed budget helps track spending and identify savings opportunities. Start by listing all income sources and fixed expenses. Then, allocate funds for variable expenses and savings.

3. Reducing Debt:

Consolidate Loans: If possible, consolidate personal loans to lower interest rates.
Negotiate Terms: Speak with banks to negotiate better EMI terms or temporary relief.
Credit Card Debt: Prioritize paying off credit card debt due to high-interest rates.
Increasing Income Streams
1. Explore Additional Income Opportunities:

Consider part-time jobs, freelancing, or consulting based on your skills. Small additional income can significantly impact your financial situation.

2. Upskill for Better Opportunities:

Invest in skills or certifications that can lead to higher-paying jobs. Online courses or professional training can enhance career prospects.

Financial Discipline and Smart Spending
1. Avoid Unnecessary Expenses:

Identify and cut down on non-essential spending. This includes dining out, entertainment, and impulsive purchases.

2. Use Cash or Debit Cards:

Limit the use of credit cards to avoid accumulating high-interest debt. Use cash or debit cards for everyday purchases.

3. Save on Utilities:

Implement energy-saving practices to reduce utility bills. Simple steps like turning off lights and using energy-efficient appliances can save money.

Effective Debt Management
1. Prioritize High-Interest Debt:

Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, such as credit cards. This reduces the overall interest burden.

2. Create a Debt Repayment Plan:

List all debts, interest rates, and EMIs. Create a plan to pay off high-interest debts first while maintaining minimum payments on others.

Building an Emergency Fund
1. Start Small:

Begin with a modest goal, like saving Rs. 5,000 per month. Gradually increase the amount as your financial situation improves.

2. Keep it Liquid:

Ensure the emergency fund is easily accessible. Use savings accounts or liquid mutual funds for this purpose.

Long-Term Financial Planning
1. Set Clear Financial Goals:

Define short-term and long-term financial goals. This could include debt-free living, children’s education, or retirement planning.

2. Invest Wisely:

Start investing in mutual funds or SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) once debts are under control. This helps in wealth accumulation over time.

3. Plan for Children’s Education:

Invest in child-specific mutual funds or savings plans to secure your children’s educational future.

Insurance and Risk Management
1. Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for the family. This protects against high medical expenses.

2. Life Insurance:

Adequate life insurance is essential to provide for your family in case of an untimely event.

Regular Financial Review
1. Monitor and Adjust:

Regularly review your financial plan and adjust as needed. This helps in staying on track and making necessary changes.

2. Seek Professional Help:

If needed, consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. They can provide tailored strategies for your situation.

Final Insights
Managing finances with a tight budget requires discipline and strategic planning. Here’s a summary of your action plan:

Action Plan Summary:
1. Evaluate Expenses:

Assess school fees, EMIs, rent, and household expenses to identify cost-saving opportunities.

2. Create a Budget:

Establish a detailed budget to track income and expenses, identifying areas for savings.

3. Reduce Debt:

Consolidate loans, negotiate terms, and prioritize paying off high-interest debts like credit cards.

4. Increase Income:

Explore additional income opportunities, upskill for better job prospects, and consider part-time jobs or freelancing.

5. Smart Spending:

Avoid unnecessary expenses, use cash or debit cards, and save on utilities to reduce costs.

6. Build an Emergency Fund:

Start small, keep the fund liquid, and gradually increase savings for unexpected expenses.

7. Long-Term Planning:

Set clear financial goals, invest wisely in mutual funds or SIPs, and plan for children’s education.

8. Insurance Coverage:

Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage for the family’s financial security.

9. Regular Review:

Monitor and adjust your financial plan regularly, seeking professional help if needed.

By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve financial stability and secure a brighter future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
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You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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