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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
RK Question by RK on Aug 03, 2023Hindi
Money

1) I had taken an SBI Life Insurance Policy Retire Smart - LP policy for 10 Lakhs with @1 Lakh premium paid every year. 2) Policy was taken in March 2019, and it was given understanding that I can close the policy after 5 years - without penalty. 3) I had paid 5 Lakhs as premium in this policy and the present fund value is about 5.70 Lakhs. 4) Kindly advice about decision to be taken for this policy after completing 5 years, ie after 7 months. My Age is 74 Years.

Ans: The SBI Life Retire Smart is a Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP) marketed as a pension plan. It invests your premium in equities and debt-oriented funds managed by SBI Life, aiming to provide retirement benefits in the form of an annuity. This review will help you determine if the SBI Life Retire Smart Plan is a good investment for your retirement.

Key Features of SBI Life Retire Smart Plan

This ULIP is designed as a retirement plan and differs from conventional ULIPs. Key features include predefined investment strategies and maturity benefits. For example, if you start this plan at 35 with a 25-year term, paying Rs 1,00,000 annually, your premium will be invested in three different funds under the "Advantage Plan" strategy.

Fund Options and Allocation Strategy

The Retire Smart Plan offers a predefined asset allocation strategy, named the "Advantage Plan." This strategy invests more in high-risk, high-return equity funds in the early years and reallocates to safer funds as the policy matures. This approach aims to balance growth potential with stability over time.

Death Benefits

The death benefit is the highest of the fund value plus terminal addition or 105% of the total premiums paid. Terminal addition is 1.5% of the fund value on the date of death. The nominee can receive the death benefit as a lump sum or use it to purchase an annuity. However, the death benefit does not include a sum assured, making the risk cover minimal.

Maturity Benefits

The maturity benefit is the highest of the fund value plus terminal addition or 101% of the total premiums paid. While the policy guarantees 101% of the premiums paid, the actual return is subject to market performance. The guaranteed maturity benefit may not be sufficient given the potential for higher returns in long-term equity investments.

Analysis of Returns

Guaranteed Returns: If the policy generates an annual return of 4%, the effective annual rate of return (IRR) is approximately 3.62%. After deducting charges, the actual return is even lower.
Higher Returns Scenario: If the policy generates an annual return of 8%, the IRR is around 7.4%. After charges, the actual return is less than 7.4%. Given the 25-year investment horizon, this return is not attractive considering the equity risk.
Comparison with Alternatives

PPF vs. SBI Life Retire Smart

PPF Investment: Investing Rs 1,00,000 annually in PPF for 25 years could provide substantial returns. Assuming the current PPF interest rate of 7.1%, the corpus at the end of 25 years would be approximately Rs 68.7 lakhs.
Tax Benefits: PPF offers tax benefits under section 80C and has the EEE (Exempt-Exempt-Exempt) status. The returns are risk-free and backed by the government.
ELSS vs. SBI Life Retire Smart

ELSS Investment: Investing in ELSS funds could yield an annual return of around 12%. Over 25 years, Rs 1,00,000 invested annually could grow to approximately Rs 1.33 crores, after accounting for 10% long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax.
Flexibility: ELSS investments offer greater flexibility and the potential for higher returns compared to ULIPs. Additionally, ELSS investments provide tax benefits under section 80C.
Surrender and Reinvest Strategy

Considering the low returns and high charges of the SBI Life Retire Smart Plan, it is advisable to surrender the policy after the 5-year lock-in period. You can then reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds.

Reinvestment in Mutual Funds: By investing in diversified mutual funds, you can achieve better returns. Equity mutual funds, in particular, offer significant growth potential over the long term.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): During retirement, you can opt for an SWP from your mutual fund investments. SWPs provide regular income by allowing you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically, ensuring a steady cash flow.
Pros and Cons of SBI Life Retire Smart

Pros:

Offers both insurance and investment benefits.
Provides a predefined investment strategy for risk management.
Cons:

High charges for premium allocation and policy administration.
Limited flexibility in fund selection.
Minimal risk cover and guaranteed returns.
Verdict

The SBI Life Retire Smart Plan may not be the best choice for retirement planning. The guaranteed returns are low compared to potential returns from PPF and ELSS. For conservative investors, PPF plus a term insurance plan is a better option. For those with higher risk tolerance, ELSS plus a term insurance plan offers greater growth potential.

Overview

You have an SBI Life Insurance Policy Retire Smart - LP with a sum assured of Rs 10 lakhs, paying an annual premium of Rs 1 lakh since March 2019. With five premiums paid, the current fund value is Rs 5.70 lakhs. You have the option to close the policy after 5 years without penalty. Considering your age of 74 years, the decision should focus on maximizing your retirement funds.

Assessment of Current Situation

Premiums Paid: Rs 5 lakhs
Current Fund Value: Rs 5.70 lakhs
Policy Tenure Completed: Almost 5 years
Your fund has grown modestly, providing a return slightly above the total premiums paid. Given your age and the need for a stable income, it's crucial to evaluate options that ensure financial security and better returns.

Decision After 5 Years

1. Surrender the Policy

After completing 5 years, you can surrender the policy without incurring any penalty. This would be a strategic move considering the limited growth observed in your fund value.

Benefits of Surrendering the Policy:

Avoid Future Charges: ULIPs like this have various charges, including premium allocation, policy administration, and fund management fees, which can eat into returns.
Better Investment Opportunities: You can reinvest the proceeds in more lucrative and less costly investment options.
2. Reinvest in Mutual Funds

After surrendering the policy, consider reinvesting the proceeds into diversified mutual funds. Mutual funds typically offer better returns compared to ULIPs due to lower costs and more focused investment strategies.

Recommended Investment Strategy:

Diversified Equity Funds: Suitable for potentially higher returns, balancing risk with growth opportunities.

Balanced Funds or Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equities and debt, offering a balance between growth and stability.

Debt Funds: For conservative investments, providing stable returns with lower risk.

3. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Regular Income

Once reinvested in mutual funds, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) to ensure a regular income. This is particularly beneficial for retirees, offering a steady cash flow while keeping the remaining funds invested for potential growth.

Advantages of SWP:

Regular Income: Fixed amount at regular intervals (monthly, quarterly).
Tax Efficiency: Only the capital gains portion of the withdrawal is taxed.
Flexibility: You can adjust the withdrawal amount based on your needs.
Steps to Implement the Plan:

Surrender the Policy: Contact SBI Life to process the surrender after completing the 5-year term. Ensure you understand the procedure and any documentation required.

Evaluate Mutual Fund Options: With a Certified Financial Planner, choose a mix of mutual funds suited to your risk tolerance and income needs.

Set Up SWP: Once the funds are invested, set up an SWP to provide a regular income.

Conclusion

Considering the limited growth in your current ULIP and your age, surrendering the SBI Life Retire Smart Plan after 5 years is a prudent decision. Reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds and opting for an SWP can provide better returns and a steady income stream, ensuring financial stability in your retirement years. Always consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor the strategy to your specific financial situation and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Moneywize

Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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I had taken SBI Life Insurance Policy Retire Smart LP for 10 lakh with @1 lakh premium paid every year. Policy was taken in March 2021, and it was given that I could close this policy after five years without penalty. I had paid 5 lakh as premium in this policy and the present fund value is about 5.70 lakh. Kindly advice about the decision I can take for this policy after completing five years. My Age is 64 now.
Ans: You're approaching your policy's maturity date in March 2026, and here are some options to consider for your SBI Life Retire Smart LP policy:

Understanding the Policy:

• Guaranteed Benefit: This policy guarantees 101% of your total paid premium on maturity. In your case, that's Rs 5,05,000 (1.01*Rs 5 lakh).
• Market Performance: The current fund value of Rs 5.70 lakh reflects how the units you invested in have performed in the market.

Decision Points at Maturity (March 2026):

• Surrender the Policy: You can receive the fund value (Rs 5.70 lakh) along with any guaranteed additions or terminal bonuses offered by SBI Life. However, check the policy documents for any surrender charges that might apply.
• Annuitise the Corpus: This option allows you to convert the total corpus (fund value + guaranteed additions) into a regular income stream through an annuity plan from SBI Life. This provides a guaranteed income but limits access to the principal amount.
• Continue the Policy (if allowed): Check with SBI Life if you have the option to extend the policy term. This allows the fund value to potentially grow further through market gains, but you'll continue paying premiums.

Choosing the Right Option:

Since I cannot give financial advice, here's how to make an informed decision:

• Review Policy Documents: Look for details on surrender charges, guaranteed additions, and the option to extend the policy.
• Contact SBI Life: Talk to your SBI Life advisor or customer care to understand the specific benefits and charges associated with each option.

Consider Your Needs:

• Retirement Income Needs: Do you need a guaranteed income stream (Annuity) or are you comfortable with some market risk for potentially higher returns (Continuing the Policy)?
• Other Retirement Savings: Do you have other sources of retirement income, like a pension or investments?
• Medical Needs: Factor in any potential medical expenses that might require a larger corpus.

Additional Tips:

• Market Performance: Consider the current market conditions. If the market is expected to perform well, continuing the policy might be beneficial.
• Risk Tolerance: How comfortable are you with market fluctuations? Annuities offer stability, while continuing the policy exposes you to market risks.

By carefully evaluating these factors and talking with SBI Life, you can make the best decision to secure your financial future in retirement.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Money
I am a 60-year-young, disciplined bachelor with insurance coverage of Rs. 1 crore, which includes both a term plan and traditional plans. I am self-dependent, and no one is financially dependent on me. Since I don't have a need to create a legacy,. Having decided to surrender my traditional policies (having understood the surrender charges) out of the total insurance coverage of 1 Cr. which includes, Term plan. I narrate the policy terms & benefits, so that you can suggest me the better: 1) PPT (Premium Payment) for the policy is over, I have no premium commitment now. 2) Annual Survival Benefit: Currently receiving 5.5% of the Sum Assured annually. (which is almost equal to the return from FDR or Debt fund) 3) Bonus: at the end of the policy term there will be bonus in the policy which also I got it which is approx 80% of the premiums paid. 3) Life Cover: Coverage until 100 years of age, with annual survival benefit @ 5.5% of Sum assured, and death benfit - the Sum Assured plus accumulated bonuses will be paid to the nominee 4) Maturity Benefit: On survival until 100 years, the entire Sum Assured plus accumulated bonuses will be given to the assured.. I have planned at the time of siginging for the policy agreement, with 12 policies to get every month 5.5% of SA, like pension (passive income). Now, ji, please suggest me, Do you I need to surrender the policy considering 80% of premuium paid is received and getting 5.5% pa every month. with no premium commitment and coverage upto 100 years.
Ans: You have a well-structured insurance portfolio with Rs. 1 crore coverage. This includes term and traditional plans. The plan you mentioned provides a 5.5% annual survival benefit, life cover until age 100, and a maturity benefit. The idea of using these policies as a form of pension by receiving 5.5% of the sum assured monthly is thoughtful.

Given your current situation—no dependents and no need to create a legacy—your focus shifts from protection to optimizing returns. With the premium payment term over, you face no further financial commitments. Your plan is now a source of regular income, and at the end of the term, you will receive a bonus amounting to 80% of the premiums paid.

Evaluating the Need to Continue or Surrender the Policies
Benefits of Continuing with the Policy
Regular Income: The 5.5% survival benefit provides a steady income stream. This is particularly useful if you require a predictable cash flow.

Life Cover Until Age 100: While you may not need life cover, this ensures a safety net is in place. Should anything happen, your nominee receives a substantial amount.

Maturity Benefit: The policy promises the sum assured plus accumulated bonuses at age 100. This is a significant amount that adds to your financial security in your later years.

No Further Commitments: With the premium payment term over, you don’t need to invest any more money into this policy. You are just reaping the benefits now.

Drawbacks of Continuing with the Policy
Low Returns: The 5.5% return is modest, akin to the returns from fixed deposits or debt funds. Over time, inflation might erode the purchasing power of this income.

Opportunity Cost: If you surrender the policy, you could potentially invest the surrender value in higher-yielding investments. This could provide better returns over time.

Limited Flexibility: Insurance policies like this one are rigid. You can't easily adjust your investment based on changing market conditions.

Should You Surrender the Policy?
Factors Favoring Surrender
Unlocking Higher Returns: By surrendering the policy, you can reinvest the surrender value in more lucrative options. Actively managed mutual funds, for instance, offer potential for higher returns.

No Need for Life Cover: With no dependents, the life cover aspect may not be essential. The focus should be on maximizing your financial returns rather than providing a death benefit.

Maximizing Financial Freedom: Reinvesting the surrender value gives you more control over your finances. You can tailor your investments to suit your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Factors Against Surrender
Guaranteed Income: If you value the certainty of the 5.5% survival benefit, continuing the policy is advantageous. This is especially true if you prefer a low-risk, predictable income stream.

Bonus Payout: At the end of the term, you receive a bonus equivalent to 80% of the premiums paid. Surrendering the policy means forfeiting this benefit.

Emotional Comfort: Sometimes, the comfort of having a guaranteed income, regardless of the returns, can outweigh the potential for higher returns elsewhere.

Exploring Alternative Investment Options
Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Higher Returns Potential: Actively managed funds often outperform passive options like index funds. Experienced fund managers can navigate market fluctuations to maximize returns.

Professional Guidance: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures that your investments are aligned with your goals. This helps in optimizing returns while managing risk.

Reinvestment Flexibility: You have the flexibility to reinvest dividends or capital gains, allowing for compounding growth.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Management: Direct funds require a hands-on approach. Without professional guidance, you might miss out on potential gains or take on unnecessary risks.

Complexity: Direct funds demand more time and knowledge. Unless you’re an expert, this can lead to suboptimal decisions.

Benefits of Regular Funds: By investing through a Certified Financial Planner, you gain access to regular funds. These offer the expertise of a fund manager who can help you navigate market conditions and maximize returns.

Insurance Strategy: Term Plan vs. Traditional Plans
Advantages of Term Plans
Cost-Effective: Term plans provide high coverage at a low cost. This frees up more funds for other investments.

Focus on Wealth Building: With no dependents, you can focus on wealth accumulation rather than protection. The money saved from term insurance premiums can be invested in high-return avenues.

Disadvantages of Traditional Plans
Low Returns: Traditional plans often provide lower returns compared to other investment options. They are primarily designed for protection, not wealth creation.

Lack of Flexibility: Traditional plans are rigid. Once you’re locked in, it’s difficult to adapt to changing financial needs or market conditions.

Should You Retain Your Term Plan?
Minimal Cost: If your term plan premium is low, retaining it might be a good idea. It provides peace of mind at a negligible cost.

Focus on Other Investments: With your primary protection in place, you can focus on building your wealth through other investment options.

Final Insights
In your situation, maximizing your financial returns is key. The traditional policy provides a steady income but may not offer the best returns long-term. Surrendering the policy and reinvesting in actively managed mutual funds could yield better results. This strategy allows you to tailor your investments to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

With no dependents, your primary focus should be on wealth accumulation and enjoying your financial independence. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you through this process, ensuring that your investments are optimized for growth while managing risk.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Money
I am 64 years old having sbi life retired smart policy. Premium of Rs. 200000 per year. Started on 2nd September 2019 .last Premium paid on 2nd September 2024 . Policy period 10 years. Should I continue or transfer to some other mutual funds
Ans: At the age of 64, it is important to carefully assess the effectiveness of your financial strategies. You have been investing Rs. 2,00,000 annually into the SBI Life Retired Smart Policy since 2019. Now that your last premium has been paid in September 2024, the key question is whether you should continue with this policy or shift to other investment options like mutual funds. Let’s evaluate this from various perspectives to guide you in making an informed decision.

Understanding Your Policy Structure
This policy is a ULIP (Unit-Linked Insurance Plan), which offers life cover as well as investment benefits. However, ULIPs often have a high-cost structure, including premium allocation charges, fund management fees, and mortality charges, especially in the early years of the policy. This affects the overall returns.

Now that you have completed five years of premium payments, you might have overcome the high initial costs. Let’s break down the key factors:

Premium Paid: You have paid Rs. 2,00,000 annually for 5 years, which amounts to Rs. 10,00,000 in total.

Policy Period: It is a 10-year policy, and you are halfway through. You still have 5 years remaining.

Returns: ULIP returns are linked to the performance of the funds you are invested in, which could be either equity, debt, or balanced. These returns vary, and ULIPs typically do not outperform mutual funds due to higher costs.

Let’s now weigh the pros and cons of continuing with your policy.

Benefits of Continuing the SBI Life Retired Smart Policy
There are a few advantages to staying with the current policy, especially since you have already paid 5 years of premiums.

Life Insurance Coverage: The policy provides life cover, which can be a key benefit if you do not have adequate life insurance coverage. However, at the age of 64, the need for life insurance generally reduces unless you have dependents.

Completion of Lock-in Period: You have completed the lock-in period, so you can exit without penalties if needed. You also avoid the heavy initial charges that were already deducted in the early years.

Tax Benefits: The premiums paid provide tax benefits under Section 80C, and the maturity proceeds could be tax-free under Section 10(10D), subject to conditions. However, these tax benefits alone may not justify continuing the policy if the returns are subpar.

Disadvantages of Continuing the SBI Life Retired Smart Policy
On the flip side, there are several reasons why continuing with the policy might not be the best decision for you.

High Charges: ULIPs come with several charges, such as fund management fees, mortality charges, and policy administration fees. These charges reduce the overall return on your investment. Mutual funds, in comparison, tend to have lower fees, especially if you invest through a certified financial planner.

Limited Flexibility: In a ULIP, you are limited to the funds offered by the insurance company. These funds may not have the same performance or diversity as mutual funds managed by top fund houses. Actively managed mutual funds have a proven track record of generating superior returns over the long term due to the expertise of professional fund managers.

Mediocre Returns: Most ULIPs deliver lower returns than mutual funds, primarily due to their cost structure. You might have experienced average growth in your policy, which could affect your retirement planning.

Lack of Liquidity: ULIPs typically do not offer liquidity until the end of the policy term, whereas mutual funds provide better flexibility, allowing you to redeem funds when needed.

Exploring Mutual Fund Investments
Switching to mutual funds could be a better strategy at this stage, given that you’ve completed 5 years in the ULIP. Here are the advantages of transitioning to mutual funds:

Higher Returns Potential: Actively managed mutual funds have consistently outperformed ULIPs due to their lower cost structure and professional fund management. You can invest in funds that suit your risk profile, whether equity, hybrid, or debt funds.

Better Flexibility: Mutual funds offer the flexibility to switch between different types of funds based on your financial goals. This flexibility is lacking in ULIPs, which have a rigid structure.

Low Costs: Mutual funds, especially through a certified financial planner, have much lower expense ratios than ULIPs. This ensures that a larger portion of your investment goes toward earning returns rather than paying fees.

Tax Efficiency: With the new tax rules for mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Debt mutual funds are taxed according to your income tax slab. Despite these tax implications, mutual funds may still offer better post-tax returns compared to ULIPs.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
While you might be tempted to explore index funds or direct mutual fund investments, they have certain limitations.

Index Funds: These funds replicate market indices like Nifty or Sensex. However, they do not offer the potential to outperform the market. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have the ability to generate higher returns by capitalising on market opportunities. Given that your policy period has another 5 years, you may benefit more from actively managed funds than passive index funds.

Direct Funds: While direct funds have lower expense ratios than regular funds, they may not be ideal for everyone. Without professional advice, it can be challenging to choose the right funds and manage your portfolio effectively. Investing through a certified financial planner ensures that you receive expert advice, helping you achieve better long-term results.

Should You Surrender the Policy?
Given the analysis above, surrendering the SBI Life Retired Smart Policy and reinvesting in mutual funds could offer you better returns, lower costs, and more flexibility. However, it is important to consider the following before making a decision:

Surrender Charges: Check if there are any surrender charges applicable to your policy. If these charges are high, you may want to wait until the policy matures to avoid any penalties.

Tax Implications: While the premiums paid are eligible for tax deductions, the maturity proceeds might also be tax-exempt. However, surrendering the policy could lead to tax implications, so it’s important to consult with a certified financial planner to understand the tax impact.

Alternative Investment: If you decide to exit the policy, mutual funds offer a diverse range of options tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
In summary, your decision to continue or exit the SBI Life Retired Smart Policy depends on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment strategy.

The policy has provided life insurance coverage and tax benefits, but its returns may be limited due to high charges.

By switching to mutual funds, you can potentially achieve higher returns, lower costs, and better flexibility for your remaining investment horizon.

Avoid index funds and direct funds in favour of actively managed mutual funds through a certified financial planner to get the best results for your retirement planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
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Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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