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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir I have 1.3 cr in mf.A mix of equity and debt 80 equity .Another 85lacs in equity . Real estate house worth 1 cr.income is 3 lacs per month .age is 53.my indexed pension gets me 1 lac . Want to reach by 60 yrs 8 cr .please guide .I do lumpsum investment .Biggest md is ppfas and Franklin flexi

Ans: At 53 years of age, your goal to reach an Rs 8 crore corpus by 60 is ambitious but achievable with disciplined investment strategies. As a Certified Financial Planner, it’s important to assess both your current assets and income, along with the investments needed to achieve this goal. Let's break it down step-by-step while keeping your investment horizon in mind.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Here’s an overview of your financial assets and monthly income:

Mutual Funds: Rs 1.3 crore
Your portfolio consists of an 80% allocation to equity and 20% to debt.

Direct Equity: Rs 85 lakhs
You have additional equity holdings worth Rs 85 lakhs.

Real Estate (House): Rs 1 crore
Though valuable, real estate provides no liquid income, and we will exclude it from active retirement planning.

Monthly Income: Rs 3 lakhs
This is a comfortable income, ensuring your immediate needs are met.

Indexed Pension: Rs 1 lakh per month
This will provide inflation-adjusted support during your retirement.

You have already laid a solid foundation for growth with significant exposure to equity. Equity investments are key for wealth creation over the long term, but as retirement approaches, we need to evaluate the balance between risk and growth.

Setting a Target of Rs 8 Crore
To achieve Rs 8 crore by the age of 60, you will need to strategically grow your existing portfolio. Given that you have seven years to achieve this goal, and considering inflation and market volatility, it's crucial to focus on both capital preservation and growth.

Equity Exposure and Active Management
Your current portfolio is heavily tilted towards equity, which is beneficial for long-term growth. However, nearing retirement, it's advisable to slightly rebalance your portfolio to reduce risk.

Avoid Index Funds:
Index funds often mirror market performance. While they are low-cost, they may not outperform actively managed funds. Actively managed funds have the potential to deliver higher returns, especially during volatile market phases.

Continue with Actively Managed Equity Mutual Funds:
The Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund and Franklin Flexi Cap Fund are actively managed funds that adjust their asset allocation based on market conditions. These funds have a better chance of outperforming the market compared to index funds, making them a suitable choice.

Diversify Across Market Caps:
Consider adding exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds to capture the growth potential of emerging companies. However, keep the allocation lower than large-cap funds, given that you're approaching retirement.

Review Sectoral Allocations:
Ensure that your portfolio does not have overexposure to any single sector. A diversified portfolio across various industries like technology, healthcare, and FMCG will balance risks and potential returns.

Debt Exposure for Stability
Though your equity exposure drives growth, it's important to maintain an allocation to debt for stability and protection against market volatility. Your current allocation to debt is 20%, but you may consider gradually increasing this to 30-35% as you approach 60.

Avoid Direct Debt Funds:
Direct funds might seem attractive because of lower costs, but regular funds invested through a CFP offer professional advice, portfolio rebalancing, and better monitoring of your financial goals. CFPs add value by providing personalised advice that is not available in direct plans.

Add Dynamic Bond Funds:
Dynamic bond funds adjust their duration based on interest rate movements. They offer better returns compared to traditional debt instruments and can act as a good hedge against equity market volatility.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):
Post-retirement, you can set up an SWP from your debt mutual funds to generate a regular income stream, in addition to your pension. This strategy ensures your investments continue to grow, while providing you with liquidity.

Maximising Lumpsum Investments
Since you prefer lump-sum investments, it's important to make calculated decisions with the timing and allocation of these investments. Here are a few strategies for lump-sum investing:

Invest in Phases:
While lumpsum investments offer convenience, they expose you to market timing risk. To mitigate this, consider spreading your lumpsum investments over a few months or quarters. This strategy is known as Systematic Transfer Plan (STP), where you transfer your lump sum into equity in smaller amounts to reduce the risk of entering at a market peak.

Utilise Balanced Advantage Funds:
Balanced advantage funds dynamically allocate between equity and debt. These funds can provide the growth potential of equity while cushioning market downturns with debt exposure. They are a good option for lump-sum investments if you are concerned about market volatility.

Tax Planning and New Mutual Fund Rules
Tax efficiency will play a key role in your investment decisions. The new mutual fund capital gains taxation rules should be considered while managing your portfolio:

Equity Mutual Funds:
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh per year are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds:
Both LTCG and STCG from debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. This makes debt funds less tax-efficient compared to equity, but they are necessary for stability.

By planning your withdrawals and utilising SWPs, you can manage tax liability while ensuring a steady cash flow during retirement.

Realign Your Direct Equity Holdings
Your direct equity holdings worth Rs 85 lakhs also contribute to your wealth-building journey. However, managing direct equity can be risky, especially as you approach retirement.

Assess Portfolio Performance:
Review your current equity holdings and assess if they are in line with your goals. Are they delivering the expected returns? If not, consider switching underperforming stocks to well-performing mutual funds or large-cap stocks with a steady growth track record.

Diversify into Mutual Funds:
Direct equity carries a higher risk, especially for someone nearing retirement. Consider shifting a portion of your direct equity holdings into actively managed mutual funds, which are professionally managed, diversified, and offer better stability.

Importance of Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is vital, especially as you approach retirement. Ensure that a portion of your assets, like your Rs 1 crore real estate investment, or part of your Rs 85 lakh equity, is kept liquid and accessible for emergencies.

Liquid Funds or Short-Term Debt Funds:
Instead of letting money sit idle in a savings account, you can park your emergency funds in liquid mutual funds or short-term debt funds. These funds provide better returns than bank savings, while still being accessible.
Structuring Your Retirement Income
Given that your indexed pension provides Rs 1 lakh per month, you will require an additional income source to meet your monthly expenses and lifestyle needs during retirement. Here’s how you can plan this:

SWP from Debt Mutual Funds:
Set up a systematic withdrawal plan from your debt mutual funds. This ensures a steady cash flow and keeps your equity investments intact for growth.

Use Equity Dividends:
Your equity mutual funds and direct equity can provide dividends, which you can use as additional income.

Final Insights
To achieve your goal of Rs 8 crore by 60, you need to optimise your current investments and manage risks as you approach retirement. Here's a quick recap of the key strategies:

Continue with actively managed equity mutual funds for growth, but diversify across market caps and sectors.

Avoid index funds as they offer limited growth potential compared to actively managed funds.

Gradually increase your debt exposure for stability, and consider investing in dynamic bond funds.

Invest lumpsum amounts in phases using Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) to reduce market timing risk.

Utilise Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) for regular income post-retirement, ensuring liquidity.

Realign your direct equity holdings and shift a portion to diversified mutual funds for better stability.

By following these steps and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can work towards your goal of Rs 8 crore while maintaining a comfortable lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Money
I am 38 year old married 1 kid, i dont have any loans. I have 1 cr invested in equity 1 cr is mutual fund. 25 lac in pf and 15 lac in nps and 15 lac in gold. 13 lac in land. I do have individual house. I am earning 2.5 lac per month investing around 1 lac in mutual fund sip. I want to retire comfortably in 3 to 5 years. Can you assist
Ans: Planning for early retirement is an ambitious and commendable goal. Your current financial position indicates a strong foundation. Let's delve into a comprehensive strategy to ensure you achieve a comfortable retirement in the next 3 to 5 years.

Compliments on Your Financial Discipline

Your commitment to saving and investing Rs. 1 lakh per month in mutual funds demonstrates excellent financial discipline. This approach has built a solid foundation for your future.

Understanding Your Current Portfolio

You have diversified your investments well across various asset classes:

Rs. 1 crore in equity
Rs. 1 crore in mutual funds
Rs. 25 lakh in PF
Rs. 15 lakh in NPS
Rs. 15 lakh in gold
Rs. 13 lakh in land
Own individual house
These investments indicate a well-rounded portfolio aimed at growth and stability.

Goals and Timeline

Your goal is to retire comfortably within 3 to 5 years. This requires a strategic approach to ensure your investments can generate sufficient income to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy

1. Equity Investments

Equities offer high growth potential, making them ideal for wealth accumulation. However, they also come with higher risks. As you approach retirement, it’s crucial to balance the equity portion of your portfolio to mitigate risks.

2. Mutual Funds

Your monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lakh in mutual funds is a wise decision. Diversify your mutual fund investments across different types of funds to achieve a balance between growth and stability.

3. Provident Fund (PF) and National Pension System (NPS)

PF and NPS provide a secure and steady return, ideal for retirement planning. These funds should remain a core part of your retirement corpus due to their stability and tax benefits.

4. Gold Investments

Gold acts as a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty. While it’s not a high-growth asset, it provides stability. Maintain your current allocation to gold.

5. Land Investment

Real estate can be a good long-term investment, but it has drawbacks like illiquidity, no easy entry and exit, and partial withdrawal challenges. Consider this investment as a non-liquid part of your portfolio.

6. Emergency Fund

Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a highly liquid form like a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Investment Strategy for the Next 3 to 5 Years

1. Portfolio Rebalancing

As you approach retirement, gradually reduce your exposure to high-risk assets like equities. Increase your allocation to safer assets like debt mutual funds and fixed income instruments.

2. Debt Mutual Funds

Investing in debt mutual funds can provide stability and regular income. These funds invest in bonds and fixed-income securities, offering lower risk compared to equities.

3. Hybrid Funds

Hybrid funds can be a balanced choice, offering both growth and stability by investing in a mix of equities and debt. These funds can provide moderate returns with reduced risk.

4. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

As you near retirement, consider setting up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual funds. SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, ensuring a steady income post-retirement.

5. Retirement Corpus Estimation

Estimate your retirement corpus by calculating your expected expenses post-retirement. Factor in inflation and any additional expenses like healthcare and leisure. This will help you determine if your current investments are sufficient or if you need to adjust your savings rate.

6. Tax Planning

Ensure you utilize tax-saving instruments to minimize your tax liability. Investments in tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS), PPF, and NPS can provide significant tax benefits under Section 80C.

7. Life and Health Insurance

Adequate life and health insurance are crucial to protect your family’s financial future. Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance policy and a sufficient life cover through term insurance.

8. Estate Planning

Plan for the distribution of your assets to ensure your family’s financial security. Creating a will and considering setting up trusts can help in managing and protecting your wealth.

Analyzing Your Risk Tolerance

Given your goal to retire in 3 to 5 years, it’s essential to reassess your risk tolerance. While you have a substantial investment in equities, shifting towards safer assets can protect your portfolio from market volatility.

Advantages and Risks of Mutual Funds

Advantages:

Professional Management: Fund managers use their expertise to make informed investment decisions.
Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across various securities, reducing risk.
Liquidity: Mutual funds are easily tradable, providing flexibility.
Tax Efficiency: Certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C.
Power of Compounding: Reinvesting returns can significantly grow your wealth over time.
Risks:

Market Risk: Equity funds are subject to market fluctuations.
Credit Risk: Debt funds carry the risk of default by issuers.
Interest Rate Risk: Changes in interest rates can affect the performance of debt funds.
Liquidity Risk: Some mutual funds might face liquidity issues during market downturns.
Power of Compounding

The power of compounding can significantly enhance your returns over time. By reinvesting your earnings, you earn returns on both your initial investment and the accumulated returns. This exponential growth can help you achieve your retirement goals.

Final Insights

To retire comfortably in 3 to 5 years, a well-planned investment strategy is crucial. Here’s a summary of the key steps you should take:

Rebalance Your Portfolio: Gradually shift from high-risk equities to safer debt funds.
Diversify: Invest across various asset classes to balance risk and returns.
Utilize SWP: Set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan for steady post-retirement income.
Maintain an Emergency Fund: Ensure you have funds for unexpected expenses.
Tax Planning: Maximize tax benefits through strategic investments.
Insurance: Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage.
Estate Planning: Plan the distribution of your assets for your family’s security.
By following these steps and regularly reviewing your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner, you can achieve your retirement goals and secure a comfortable future. Your disciplined approach and proactive decision-making will help you build a strong financial foundation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

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Money
I am 33 year old , monthly salary 1 lac, I have 8 lac In MF till date invested in ( hdfc mid cap - 1500, hdfc small cap - 1500, hdfc index fund - 1500, Dsp black rock tax saver - 2000, Kotak gold fund - 1000,ICICI opportunity fund- 2000, edielwiess debt fund- 1000), also I have opened wife portfolio where ( sbi index fund- 1000, quant small cap - 1000 monthly SIPs), total SIP amnt is 12500, wife is housewife. I have ppf 1.30lac, NPS- 1.32lac, PF balance - 5lac. I have 3 year old son, pls suggest how it more can be efficient and what I want to have around 2 cr at the age of 50
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Investments
You currently have a diversified portfolio across mutual funds, PPF, NPS, and PF. Here’s an analysis of your situation:

Mutual Fund Investments
Current Allocation:

HDFC Mid Cap Fund
HDFC Small Cap Fund
HDFC Index Fund
DSP BlackRock Tax Saver
Kotak Gold Fund
ICICI Opportunity Fund
Edelweiss Debt Fund
Considerations:

Diversification:

You have a good mix of mid-cap, small-cap, index, and debt funds. This diversification helps manage risk.
Index Funds:

While index funds offer broad market exposure, they might not always outperform actively managed funds, especially in volatile markets.
Gold Funds:

Kotak Gold Fund can be a good hedge against inflation but keep the allocation minimal.
Tax Savings:

DSP BlackRock Tax Saver is useful for tax benefits under Section 80C.
Wife’s Portfolio
Current Allocation:

SBI Index Fund
Quant Small Cap Fund
Considerations:

Index Fund:

As noted earlier, index funds offer broad exposure but may lack the potential for higher returns compared to actively managed funds.
Small Cap Fund:

A good choice for potentially higher returns but comes with increased risk.
Asset Allocation Strategy
Investment Efficiency
Review SIP Amounts:

Your current SIP total is Rs. 12,500. To reach your goal of Rs. 2 crores by age 50, consider increasing your SIPs.
Current Mutual Fund Distribution:

You might want to balance between equity and debt based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Rebalance Portfolio:

Review performance annually. If any fund consistently underperforms, consider reallocating or switching.
PPF, NPS, and PF
PPF:

Continue contributing to PPF for tax benefits and a safe return. It's a good long-term investment.
NPS:

NPS is a good option for retirement savings with tax benefits. Ensure you're contributing regularly.
PF:

PF is a stable investment with guaranteed returns. Maintain contributions as it provides a safety net.
Achieving Your Goal of Rs. 2 Crores by Age 50
Increase SIP Amount:

To achieve Rs. 2 crores, you might need to increase your SIP amount. This depends on the returns you expect from your investments.
Invest in High-Growth Funds:

Focus on actively managed equity funds with a strong track record. They might offer higher returns compared to index funds.
Emergency Fund:

Ensure you have an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This protects against unexpected financial needs.
Final Insights
Reevaluate Investments:

Regularly review your investments and make adjustments based on performance and financial goals.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner:

Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and to optimize your investment strategy.
Focus on Long-Term Growth:

Stay committed to your long-term financial goals and avoid making impulsive investment decisions.
By taking these steps, you can efficiently work towards your goal of accumulating Rs. 2 crores by age 50. Regularly assess and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Hi Anu, Im 27yrs old. I have been married for 1.5 yrs. Me and my husband live abroad. I grew up abroad for a great deal of my life and all members of my family are post graduate degree holders from renowned universities. Recently my mother-in-law came to visit us, she is staying for 6 months. My husband prior to marriage said that his mother is educated when I asked him. Post marriage I found out she studied only till 10th and married my father-in-law who is deceased. Since her arrival, my mother-in-law’s behaviour has been very weird. 1. She once told me that in their caste Kshatriyas ( we had an inter-caste marriage) its very common for the men to have 2 wives and mistresses. This was said totally out if context. Couple of days later she mentioned that her husband had a mistress. 2. She asks me questions about why things are the way they are and why are they like that. I find it very difficult to answer to her questions at the same time I don’t want to sound condescending. 3. She complained to my mother that my husband and I are using up too much ghee and oil. She blames that I made her son fat. My husband likes to have everything deep fried when I don’t do as he asks he throws a fit like a child and refuses to eat. Now I realised why, she deep fries almost everything, bhindi, potato, gobi, arvi, and even brinjal. 4. She also mentions that some relative of their was going to give then 2kg gold dowry to marry her son. I asked her why didn’t she accept it then. They she covered up saying that our engagement was already done by then. Again recently, she was talking to her sister on the phone and was saying that a girl is really beautiful and she was considering her for my husband but he liked me. All while I was literally in front of her. 5. She tries to take over the kitchen, she wants to wash dishes by hand and there is food residue all over. She doesn't want me to use the dishwasher. When I pointedly out that there is residue all dried up on the mixer blade, she covered it up saying that its powder. 6. I asked her not to put oil or ghee on the roti pan when making rotis as its ruining the pan and to ghee after the roti is cooked. She still went ahead and melted butter and poured it on the pan and made rotis. She said that they are not puffing up without the oil. I tried it out myself and I discovered that she lied. Dishonesty is my biggest peeve. I have no respect for her now. I don’t understand why she behaves the way she does. She also expects me to listen to all her stories and express interest in her superstitions. She on the other hand shows total disregard to what I say. My parents want me to be nice to her as she is a widow and has only her son and daughter. She is not nice to her daughter. My sister in law does not want to live with her in laws and my mother-in-laws laughs when she calls her crying. I have witnessed her gas lighting her daughter on many occasions. Once my husband asked her is the sister can come stay at home with her back in India and my mother-in-law said that she does not want her daughter in the house because she is a burden. My mother in law also keeps telling me that I should press her son’s legs as it will give Lakshmi. Once he took food from my plate I told him to put it back and get his own, she said its a Maha paap to snatch from husband’s mouth. She uses this Mahapaap whenever I ask my husband to help around the house. I don’t know how to communicate this with my husband and how to deal with her. He believes he needs to provide everything his mom wants and give her the world because she went thru difficulties after their dad’s passing. However my mother in law believes her life got better after her husband’s passing. She says that her husband was abusive to her physically, emotionally and financially. What do I do?
Ans: Dear DD,
Some space is necessary to be away from people who display less empathy. It keeps the relationship healthier.
You will usually find me guiding people towards one another first BUT at times maintaining a healthy distance can save relationships. Your mother-in-law can become the cause for stress within your marriage as you will have no one to take your complaints to other than your husband. He is obviously not going to take it that easily...
Also the fact that your mother-in-law herself hasn't held a steady marriage is going to be a constant source of more stresses as she is very likely to expect special treatment from her son and you.
She needs to work on her mind and that's too much to expect of her. It's wise to keep some distance and over time, she may wish to re-build relationships with everyone and live in harmony.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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