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37-Year-Old with ₹3 Cr Savings - Ready to Retire?

Janak

Janak Patel  |31 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 11, 2025

Janak Patel is a certified financial planner accredited by the Financial Planning Standards Board, India.
He is the CEO and founder of InfiniumWealth, a firm that specialises in designing goal-specific financial plans tailored to help clients achieve their life goals.
Janak holds an MBA degree in finance from the Welingkar Institute of Management Development and Research, Mumbai, and has over 15 years of experience in the field of personal finance. ... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 24, 2025Hindi
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I want guidance on retirement planning. Having corpus of 3 CR in liquid, 45l savings in FD. With no bank loans and own home. Have 2 more houses and getting rent of 37k .Kids are in class 1 and class 0 I need to provide support for their education which might overall cost around 2 CR. Is my corpus enough to retire now and take care of cost of living. My age is 37 years. My monthly expense is around 1.5 lakhs. I have medical insurance policy of 20 lakhs. And I have two polices like yearly 10L for next 5 years for the kids

Ans: Hi,

Current state of your finances
Liquid Corpus - 3 Cr
Savings FD - 45 lakhs
Rent income - 37000

Monthly expenses - 1.5 lakhs

If we consider the above, then the monthly expenses will be covered for about 35 years (assuming inflation of 5-6% and average returns of 8%). This doesn't include the education expenses for your 2 children.

Retirement is now typically planned for up to age of 85 years (i.e. 43 years for you). Hence in your situation you have a challenge to support monthly expenses for retirement and children education.

You have 2 more houses and without knowing your intent for their usage/sale and their value it becomes difficult to indicate if they would be sufficient to support the 2 major goals you have listed.
Also with current lifestyle and medical expenses, the health insurance of 20 lakhs may need to be ramped up to a much higher amount.
Also you have not shared much details of your Insurance policies to understand if they are the appropriate ones and if the risk cover is sufficient.

Another important aspect to consider for early retirement is - how will you keep yourself occupied. You will have a lot of time on hand and do you plan to monetize your time by engaging in some financially rewarding activities. This will also have an impact on the overall state of your well-being - financially and psychologically.

I would highly recommend that you consult with a CFP who can guide you with a well defined Financial plan, this will include all your requirements and provide you with options and alternatives. You will need to have a plan of investment that meets your goals, plan risk covers for securing future of your family (Life and health) and consider tax implications of investing and subsequent utilization of the corpus for goals. So its an elaborate plan that will be personalized for you which will help you understand the right time for retirement and what to expect pre and post retirement.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, my age is 39 having 2 daughters 8 years and 5 years. my earning is 165000 per month. I have 43Lakh in PF, 5 Lakh in PPF ,12Lakh in NSC, 41 lakhs in mutual fund ,13 Lakh in shares, Term plan of 1 CR , Medical claim of 10 Lakh for family, Own flat, my monthly sip is 80K. I want to retire at the age of 46. How much corpus should I have for retirement, and both daughters' education and how to plan it? considering at present my monthly expenditure is 80 K
Ans: At the age of 39, you have a well-established financial foundation. Your monthly income is Rs 1.65 lakh, and you are already saving Rs 80,000 per month through SIPs. You have Rs 43 lakh in PF, Rs 5 lakh in PPF, Rs 12 lakh in NSC, Rs 41 lakh in mutual funds, and Rs 13 lakh in shares. With a term plan of Rs 1 crore and medical insurance of Rs 10 lakh for your family, you are ensuring both security and growth.

However, planning for retirement in 7 years and your daughters' education will need careful structuring to meet inflationary pressures and long-term needs.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus
To retire at 46, with your current monthly expenditure of Rs 80,000, we need to consider the following:

Inflation Impact: Assuming an inflation rate of around 6%, your expenses will nearly double in the next 7 years. That means at retirement, you will need around Rs 1.2 lakh per month.

Life Expectancy: Assuming a life expectancy of 85, your retirement could last 40 years. Therefore, the retirement corpus should be able to provide Rs 1.2 lakh (inflated expenses) for 40 years.

Considering all factors like inflation, withdrawal rates, and market growth, you may need around Rs 7-8 crore to retire comfortably at 46.

Education Planning for Both Daughters
For your daughters' education, considering the rising cost of education, you should plan for a significant amount:

Higher Education Costs: For your 8-year-old daughter, you will need funds in around 10 years. For your 5-year-old, you will need funds in around 13 years. Assuming a 10% inflation in education costs, you should target a corpus of Rs 40-50 lakh per child.
This means you may need around Rs 80 lakh to Rs 1 crore for both daughters’ education by the time they need to pursue higher studies.

Reviewing Your Current Investments
You already have a well-diversified portfolio across Provident Fund, PPF, NSC, mutual funds, and shares. Let's assess each component to see if any adjustments are necessary:

1. Provident Fund (PF), PPF, and NSC
These are safe investments that will help preserve capital. However, they may not grow aggressively enough to meet your retirement goals in 7 years.
PF and PPF are tax-efficient and low-risk, but their returns may not match inflation in the long run.
Consider continuing contributions but not overly relying on them for wealth creation.
2. Mutual Funds
You have Rs 41 lakh in mutual funds, which is a positive aspect of your portfolio. With your SIP of Rs 80,000 per month, you are already aggressively investing.
Ensure your mutual fund portfolio is well-diversified across equity and debt funds. Since you are aiming for retirement in 7 years, a mix of mid-cap and large-cap equity funds with some debt exposure would be ideal.
Avoid over-exposure to small-cap funds as they are more volatile, especially since your retirement horizon is short.
3. Shares
Rs 13 lakh in shares indicates a risk-taking approach, which is good for wealth creation but can be volatile.
If you are comfortable with the volatility, you can continue holding a portion of your portfolio in shares. However, ensure you do not rely too much on individual stocks for your retirement corpus.
Planning for Retirement in 7 Years
Given your SIP of Rs 80,000 per month, let’s assume an average return of 12% per annum from equity mutual funds. Over the next 7 years, this will accumulate to a significant corpus. However, it may not reach Rs 7-8 crore, which is the required amount for retirement.

Step-Up SIP: Consider increasing your SIP amount by 10% every year. This will significantly boost your retirement corpus.
Balanced Allocation: Maintain a balance between high-growth equity funds and safer debt instruments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift more of your investments into debt to reduce risk.
Education Fund Strategy
To meet your daughters' educational needs, consider creating a separate portfolio with a mix of equity mutual funds and PPF:

Equity Funds: Continue investing for the long term in mutual funds that offer higher growth potential.
Debt Funds: You may also consider debt funds for a portion of this portfolio to reduce risk as the need for funds approaches.
PPF Contributions: Since PPF offers tax benefits and stable returns, continue contributing to this for education as well.
Clearing Debt and Emergency Planning
You mentioned a home loan EMI of Rs 25,000 and a car loan EMI of Rs 16,200. Here’s how you can approach these:

Clearing Car Loan: Using Rs 4 lakh to clear your car loan makes sense. This will free up Rs 16,200 per month, improving your cash flow and liquidity.
Home Loan: Retaining your home loan for tax benefits is a wise strategy, especially since home loan interest rates are generally low.
Once you clear the car loan, build an emergency fund. A minimum of 6-12 months of expenses should be set aside. You plan to keep Rs 1 lakh for emergencies, which is a good start, but increase it as your liquidity improves.

Health Insurance Plans
You have a Rs 10 lakh medical claim for your family. Additionally, you are planning to take health insurance for yourself and your parents.

Family Health Insurance: Opting for an external policy like HDFC Ergo, with your wife covering the premiums, is a good step. Ensure that the sum insured is adequate, especially for critical illnesses.
Parents' Health Insurance: Your plan to take separate coverage for your parents with a Rs 5,000 premium is advisable. Ensure that it covers pre-existing diseases and offers lifetime renewability.
Final Insights
Retirement Corpus: Aim for Rs 7-8 crore to retire comfortably at 46, considering inflation.
Daughters’ Education: Plan for Rs 80 lakh to Rs 1 crore for both daughters' higher education.
SIP Strategy: Continue with your Rs 80,000 SIP but step it up by 10% annually to reach your goals faster.
Debt Management: Clearing your car loan is a good move, but retain your home loan for tax benefits.
Insurance Planning: Ensure your health insurance coverage is adequate for your entire family, including parents.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I am 40 years old banker. Earlier my wife was also working. My monthly salary is 1.50 lacs. I am planning to retire at 45 yrs age. I have twin children of 2 years age. All the below are savings of mine and my wife. We have property of 3 cr. Shares of 15Lacs, Mutual Funds of 23 Lacs. Fixed deposit 10 Lacs. NPS Amount 27 Lacs at present. Monthly contribution to NPS is 25000 ( employer + employer). Pension from NPS will start at 60 age. We have rental income of 60000 which will also increase with time. I will also get some heritage property of 2-3 cr. My monthly SIP is 40000. My current liabilities are a home loan of 37 Lacs. My monthly exp are 70000. I have not included here the expense of children education which I believe must not be more than 40000 yearly. Please advise how should I plan my retirement.
Ans: You have built a strong financial base. Your steady income, savings, and assets reflect disciplined financial planning. Let us analyse your situation and provide a comprehensive retirement plan.

Income Sources and Assets
Salary and Rental Income
Your monthly salary is Rs 1.5 lakhs.
Rental income of Rs 60,000 adds to your cash flow.
Rental income will likely increase over time.
Existing Investments
Shares worth Rs 15 lakhs provide growth potential.
Mutual funds of Rs 23 lakhs offer a diversified growth avenue.
Fixed deposits of Rs 10 lakhs provide stability and liquidity.
NPS corpus of Rs 27 lakhs ensures long-term pension security.
Property
Your property portfolio is valued at Rs 3 crores.
Additional heritage property of Rs 2–3 crores will add future value.
Liabilities
Outstanding home loan of Rs 37 lakhs is manageable.
EMI payments are part of your monthly expenses.
Analysing Your Retirement Plan
Target Retirement Age
You aim to retire at 45, giving five more working years.
Pension income from NPS starts at age 60.
You need to bridge the 15-year gap between retirement and NPS payouts.
Current Expenses
Monthly expenses are Rs 70,000, excluding children’s education.
Annual education expenses of Rs 40,000 are expected to rise gradually.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Considering inflation, your post-retirement expenses will increase.
You need a large retirement corpus to sustain expenses for over 40 years.
Recommendations for a 360-Degree Plan
Maintain Emergency Liquidity
Keep Rs 10–12 lakhs in liquid funds for emergencies.
Ensure this fund covers at least 12 months of expenses.
Focus on Wealth Creation
Continue SIP investments of Rs 40,000 monthly.
Increase SIP contributions annually with salary increments.
Invest in actively managed mutual funds for better returns than index funds.
Maximise NPS Contributions
Continue your Rs 25,000 monthly NPS contributions.
This ensures a growing retirement corpus with employer contributions.
Partial Loan Prepayments
Use surplus funds to reduce the principal of your home loan.
This will lower the interest burden and free up cash flow.
Retirement Corpus Strategy
Pre-Retirement Investments
Allocate new investments to high-growth instruments like equity mutual funds.
Avoid locking funds in fixed-income instruments at this stage.
Diversify across funds with strong track records and managed by qualified professionals.
Post-Retirement Cash Flow
Use rental income of Rs 60,000 to cover a portion of your expenses.
Withdraw from mutual fund investments systematically to bridge gaps.
Ensure a balance between withdrawals and corpus growth.
Heritage Property Utilisation
Consider income generation from heritage property, such as rent.
Avoid selling the property unless absolutely necessary.
Children’s Education Planning
Start a dedicated SIP for children’s higher education.
Invest in child-specific plans with a high equity allocation for growth.
Review the education fund annually to ensure alignment with goals.
Tax Efficiency
Optimising Investments
Choose mutual funds offering tax benefits under Section 80C.
Long-term capital gains on mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakhs.
Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.
NPS Tax Benefits
Claim deductions for NPS contributions under Section 80CCD(1) and 80CCD(2).
Avoid Common Pitfalls
Avoid Large Real Estate Investments
Real estate is illiquid and requires high capital.
Focus on financial instruments for better flexibility and returns.
Avoid Direct Equity Risks
Invest in equity through professionally managed funds.
This ensures better risk management and consistent growth.
Do Not Ignore Inflation
Plan for higher living costs post-retirement due to inflation.
Regularly review and adjust your investments to combat inflation.
Final Insights
Retiring at 45 is achievable with disciplined planning. Focus on creating a robust retirement corpus and managing cash flow efficiently. Ensure a balance between growth-oriented investments and stable income sources. Review your financial plan annually to align with changing needs and market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2025
Money
I want guidance on retirement planning. Having corpus of 3 CR in mutual funds, shares and 1.5 CR savings in FD. With no bank loans and own home. Kids are in class 1 and class 5. I need to provide support for their education which might overall cost around 2 CR. Is my corpus enough to retire now and take care of cost of living. My age is 45 years. My monthly expense is around 1.5 lakhs. I have medical insurance policy of 20 lakhs.
Ans: You are 45 years old and considering retirement.

You have Rs. 3 crores in mutual funds and shares.

You hold Rs. 1.5 crores in fixed deposits.

You own your home, with no outstanding loans.

Your kids are in Class 1 and Class 5.

You estimate their education will cost around Rs. 2 crores.

Your monthly expense is Rs. 1.5 lakhs.

You have a medical insurance cover of Rs. 20 lakhs.

This is a strong financial base. Your savings reflect disciplined planning.

Key Financial Goals to Address
Retirement Corpus: Will your current corpus last for the next 35-40 years?

Children’s Education: Ensuring Rs. 2 crores for their future needs.

Healthcare: Covering medical costs beyond insurance.

Lifestyle Expenses: Maintaining your current lifestyle post-retirement.

We’ll assess if your current assets can cover all these goals.

Evaluating Your Retirement Readiness
Your monthly expense is Rs. 1.5 lakhs, or Rs. 18 lakhs annually.

Over 35 years, considering inflation, this will grow significantly.

Your corpus must generate enough returns to cover rising expenses.

You’ll also need to manage emergencies without affecting your core investments.

Let’s break down how to achieve this.

Analyzing Your Corpus: Is It Enough?
Rs. 3 crores in mutual funds and shares provide growth potential.

Rs. 1.5 crores in FDs offer safety but lower returns.

Total corpus: Rs. 4.5 crores.

Deducting Rs. 2 crores for children’s education leaves Rs. 2.5 crores.

Can Rs. 2.5 crores sustain your lifestyle for 35+ years?

This depends on investment returns, inflation, and disciplined withdrawals.

Importance of Diversification and Asset Allocation
Balance between equity (growth) and debt (stability) is key.

Equity helps fight inflation with higher returns.

Debt provides stable income with lower risk.

A mix of both ensures steady growth and safety.

Review your current allocation and adjust if needed.

Generating Regular Income Post-Retirement
Use a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds for monthly income.

SWP offers regular payouts while the remaining corpus keeps growing.

Keep a part of your corpus in debt funds for stable income.

Equity portion helps the corpus grow over time.

This strategy maintains liquidity and long-term growth.

Managing Fixed Deposits for Optimal Returns
Rs. 1.5 crores in FDs is safe but returns are low after tax.

Consider shifting a portion to debt mutual funds for better returns.

Debt funds are tax-efficient if held for more than three years.

Keep some FDs for emergencies, but don’t rely solely on them.

This improves returns while keeping your money secure.

Planning for Children’s Education
Rs. 2 crores needed for both children’s education.

Start dedicated SIPs in equity mutual funds for this goal.

Equity offers higher growth potential over 10-15 years.

For the older child, reduce equity exposure gradually as college nears.

For the younger child, maintain higher equity exposure for longer.

This ensures funds grow to meet rising education costs.

Protecting Against Health-Related Risks
You have Rs. 20 lakhs in health insurance, which is good.

Review the policy to ensure it covers major illnesses.

Consider a top-up health policy for additional coverage.

Keep an emergency health fund for out-of-pocket expenses.

Healthcare costs can rise unexpectedly, even with insurance.

Inflation: The Silent Risk
Inflation reduces the value of money over time.

Your expenses will likely double in 12-15 years.

Equity investments help beat inflation with higher returns.

Fixed-income investments alone won’t keep up with inflation.

Keep this in mind while planning your withdrawals.

Building an Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering 12-18 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid mutual funds or savings accounts for easy access.

This fund prevents you from dipping into retirement corpus during crises.

Financial security isn’t just about growth; it’s about preparedness.

Risk Management Beyond Insurance
Life is unpredictable, even with the best plans.

Diversify investments to manage market risks.

Rebalance your portfolio regularly based on market conditions.

Avoid putting all money in one asset class.

Smart risk management keeps your finances stable during tough times.

Optimizing Tax Efficiency
Post-retirement, tax planning becomes crucial.

SWP from mutual funds offers tax efficiency compared to interest income.

Long-term capital gains from equity have tax benefits.

Use senior citizen tax benefits once eligible.

Efficient tax planning increases your real income.

Planning for Legacy and Estate
Create a will to distribute your assets as per your wishes.

Appoint nominees for all your investments.

Consider setting up a trust if needed for complex situations.

Estate planning ensures smooth transfer of wealth to your family.

Regular Review of Your Financial Plan
Review your financial plan at least once a year.

Adjust for changes in expenses, goals, or market conditions.

Rebalance your investments to maintain the right asset mix.

Financial planning is not a one-time task. It needs regular attention.

Staying Disciplined with Your Finances
Avoid unnecessary withdrawals from your corpus.

Don’t panic during market fluctuations.

Focus on long-term goals and stay invested.

Discipline is the key to successful retirement planning.

Final Insights
You’ve built a solid foundation with Rs. 4.5 crores in assets.

However, with Rs. 2 crores needed for education, the remaining corpus may fall short.

Consider working for a few more years to strengthen your corpus.

Alternatively, reduce lifestyle expenses to ease financial pressure.

Stay invested wisely, review regularly, and plan for the long term.

This approach will secure both your retirement and your children’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

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