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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4208 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I'm 35 years, me and my spouse combinedly make 1.40L/pm. 3 years back I've purchased standalone building to which I'm paying EMI of 37k and current outstanding is 29lac. Coming to investment 5k goes to PPF, 10k goes to MF (large & small cap) planning to start another 5k for mid cap, 3k goes to Gold investment. I would like to retire at 48 years, any suggestions to reach 4 cr?

Ans: Thank you for providing detailed information about your financial situation. Here’s an in-depth strategy to help you achieve your goal of retiring at 48 years with a corpus of ?4 crores.

Current Financial Status
Monthly Combined Income: ?1.40 lakhs
EMI: ?37,000 (Outstanding Loan: ?29 lakhs)
Current Investments:
PPF: ?5,000/month
Mutual Funds (Large & Small Cap): ?10,000/month
Gold: ?3,000/month
Planned Mid Cap MF: ?5,000/month
Investment Goals
Years to Retirement: 13 years
Target Corpus: ?4 crores
Investment Strategy
1. Increase Monthly Savings
To achieve your target corpus, you will need to increase your monthly investments. Based on your current savings rate and expected returns, a significant increase in monthly savings will be necessary. Let’s outline where and how to invest this additional amount effectively.

2. Focus on Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are a crucial part of your investment strategy due to their potential for high returns over the long term. Here’s how to allocate your investments:

Large Cap Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies with a large market capitalization. They are relatively stable and can provide moderate returns. Continue your current investment in large cap funds and consider increasing the amount.

Mid Cap Funds: These funds invest in medium-sized companies and have the potential for higher returns compared to large cap funds but come with higher risk. Starting your planned ?5,000/month investment in mid cap funds is a good step.

Small Cap Funds: These funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. They can offer substantial returns but are the riskiest among the three categories. Continue your current investment in small cap funds and consider increasing the amount.

3. Balanced and Hybrid Funds
Balanced or hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments. They offer a balance between risk and return and can provide stability to your portfolio. Consider allocating a portion of your investments to balanced funds to diversify your risk.

4. Tax-Saving Instruments
Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): These funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C and have the potential to provide good returns. Allocating some of your investments to ELSS funds can help you save on taxes while growing your corpus.
5. Diversify with Other Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Continue investing in PPF as it provides a stable and tax-free return. However, given your goal, focus more on equity for higher returns.

Gold: While gold is a good hedge against inflation, its returns are typically lower than equity. Consider maintaining your current investment in gold but not increasing it significantly.

Debt Management
Home Loan Prepayment: If you have surplus funds, consider making occasional lump sum prepayments towards your home loan. This will reduce the outstanding principal and the overall interest burden, freeing up more funds for investment.
Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible, kept in savings accounts or short-term fixed deposits, to handle unforeseen circumstances without disturbing your long-term investments.

Regular Review and Adjustments
Annual Review: Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your retirement goal. Rebalance your investments based on market conditions and personal financial changes.
Action Plan Summary
Increase Monthly Savings: Allocate additional savings towards your investments to achieve the required corpus.
Enhance Equity Exposure: Focus on increasing your investments in large, mid, and small cap mutual funds.
Diversify with Balanced Funds: Invest in balanced or hybrid funds for risk management.
Utilize Tax-Saving Instruments: Invest in ELSS for tax benefits and growth.
Prepay Home Loan: Make occasional prepayments to reduce debt burden.
Maintain an Emergency Fund: Ensure liquidity for emergencies without disturbing investments.
Regular Portfolio Review: Adjust your portfolio annually to stay on track.
By following these steps and maintaining discipline in your savings and investments, you can work towards achieving your goal of retiring at 48 with a corpus of ?4 crores. Consistency and periodic review are key to a successful retirement plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Nov 27, 2023

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Sir, I am 51, yrs. professional 3 cr. In equity (3.5lac dividend income) 60 lac FD, 95 lac gold bars(pure investment) current home with two anothe appartment (worth 1 cr.) rent 40k total. Salary income 2.5lac/month. Rent and dividend total 65k/month. 50 lac term plan. + 30 lac Med. Insurance. Son education finished settle abroad. No other liability. Want to retire with 25 cr. Will work till health allow. How can I reach to my goal.. Vishal.
Ans: As per the provided inputs by you, we have done an analysis and have some recommendations as stated below.

Specific Recommendations
• Currently, you have investment of Rs. 95 lakhs in gold bars. An ideal portion which should be in commodities is maximum 10-15% of your over-all portfolio.
• Parking high amount in FDs is required only if it is there for upcoming short term critical requirements. Investing in a FD for long term may not be good due to low returns and high taxation.
• To achieve a good long-term corpus considering your monthly income, your focus should be on increasing the monthly investment in equity-oriented funds over the remaining horizon of 9 years considering your retirement age as 60.

General Recommendations
• For a better future financial planning, there are various factors which are required to be considered such as Risk appetite, current financial situation, upcoming requirements and goals etc.
• Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your risk appetite, and the time horizon of your requirements.
• Asset allocation should match your requirements, risk profile and investment horizon.

Remember, the actual outcome will depend on various factors, including market performance and your personal financial decisions. It is always advisable to consult a good financial advisor to tailor a strategy specific to your circumstances.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4208 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I'm 35 years, me and my spouse combinedly make 1.40L/pm. 3 years back I've purchased standalone building to which I'm paying EMI of 37k, it gives me 15k rental income and current outstanding is 29lac. Coming to investment 5k goes to PPF, 10k goes to MF (large & small cap) planning to start another 5k for mid cap, 3k goes to Gold investment. I would like to retire at 48 years, any suggestions to reach 4 cr?
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Landscape
Firstly, congratulations on your disciplined approach towards financial planning and investment. Owning a standalone building at 35 and managing a variety of investments is commendable. Your current efforts set a strong foundation for achieving your retirement goal at 48.

Your Current Income and Expenses
With a combined monthly income of Rs 1.40 lakh, you have a solid earning capacity. Your EMI of Rs 37,000 is well within a manageable range, especially since the rental income of Rs 15,000 effectively reduces this burden to Rs 22,000. This approach optimizes your cash flow, allowing you to allocate more towards investments.

Existing Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Investing Rs 5,000 monthly in PPF is a prudent choice for tax-saving and securing a risk-free return. PPF's safety and EEE (Exempt-Exempt-Exempt) status make it a valuable component of your portfolio.

Mutual Funds: Your Rs 10,000 investment in large and small-cap mutual funds is a good diversification strategy. Adding another Rs 5,000 to mid-cap funds will enhance your exposure to companies with potential for high growth, balancing your risk across different market capitalizations.

Gold Investment: Allocating Rs 3,000 monthly towards gold adds a hedge against inflation and economic downturns, given gold’s historical performance as a safe haven.

Current Debt Position
The outstanding home loan of Rs 29 lakh is a crucial aspect of your financial planning. Paying down this debt efficiently while maximizing your investment potential is key. The rental income from your property is beneficial, offsetting a significant portion of your EMI and adding to your overall cash flow.

Strategies to Reach Rs 4 Crore by Retirement
To reach your goal of Rs 4 crore in 13 years, you need a structured and disciplined approach. Let's break this down into actionable strategies:

Enhancing Savings and Investments
Increase SIP Contributions: As your income grows, periodically increase your SIP amounts in mutual funds. This approach, known as 'step-up SIP,' leverages the power of compounding more effectively and helps in accumulating a larger corpus.

Diversify within Mutual Funds: While your current portfolio covers large, small, and mid-caps, consider adding sectoral or thematic funds. These funds can capture growth in specific sectors like technology, healthcare, or infrastructure, potentially offering higher returns.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in emerging markets like India. Fund managers’ expertise can navigate market complexities, providing potential for higher returns compared to passive index funds.

Optimizing Existing Assets
Review and Rebalance Your Portfolio: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your retirement goals. Rebalancing helps in maintaining your desired asset allocation, adjusting for any market shifts or changes in personal financial goals.

Accelerate Debt Repayment: If possible, consider making occasional lump sum payments towards your home loan principal. This can reduce your interest burden and free up more funds for investment purposes.

Building a Robust Retirement Corpus
Explore Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS): If you are looking for tax-efficient investment options, ELSS funds provide the dual benefit of potential high returns and tax savings under Section 80C. These funds have a lock-in period of three years, encouraging long-term investment.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF): Increasing contributions to VPF can supplement your PPF investments. VPF offers similar tax benefits and interest rates, making it a secure option for bolstering your retirement savings.

Risk Management and Contingency Planning
Adequate Insurance Coverage: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage to protect against unforeseen circumstances. Term insurance provides high coverage at a low cost, and health insurance shields your savings from medical emergencies.

Emergency Fund Maintenance: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion, ensuring you don’t have to dip into your investments during emergencies.

Enhancing Returns Through Strategic Allocation
Strategic asset allocation is crucial in achieving your financial goals. Here’s how you can enhance returns:

Maximizing Equity Exposure
Increase Equity Allocation Gradually: Given your 13-year horizon, consider increasing your equity exposure. Equities tend to outperform other asset classes over the long term, despite short-term volatility.

Focus on High-Growth Sectors: Allocate a portion of your equity investments towards high-growth sectors. These sectors often provide higher returns, although they come with increased risk.

Balancing with Debt Instruments
Invest in Debt Funds: While equity offers growth, debt funds provide stability and steady returns. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to debt funds to reduce overall portfolio risk and ensure liquidity.

Corporate Bonds and Fixed Deposits: Consider investing in high-rated corporate bonds or fixed deposits for a portion of your portfolio. These instruments offer better returns than traditional savings accounts with relatively lower risk.

Gold and Alternative Investments
Continue with Gold Investments: Maintain your gold investment strategy. Gold acts as a hedge and diversifies your portfolio. Over the long term, it helps in stabilizing your returns.

Explore Other Alternatives: Beyond gold, consider investments in international funds or commodities. These alternatives can offer diversification benefits and protect against domestic market downturns.

Implementing a Disciplined Financial Approach
A disciplined approach towards saving and investing is essential for achieving your Rs 4 crore target by retirement.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Conduct Quarterly Reviews: Regularly review your investment portfolio to track progress and make necessary adjustments. This practice helps in staying aligned with your financial goals.

Stay Informed and Educated: Keep yourself updated on market trends and financial planning strategies. Being informed allows you to make proactive decisions and leverage new opportunities.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Resist Unnecessary Withdrawals: Avoid withdrawing from your investment corpus unless absolutely necessary. Regular withdrawals disrupt the compounding effect, delaying your financial goals.

Beware of Emotional Investing: Emotions can lead to impulsive decisions. Stick to your financial plan and avoid reacting to short-term market fluctuations. Patience and perseverance are key to long-term success.

Leveraging Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP): A CFP can provide personalized advice tailored to your unique financial situation. Their expertise can help in optimizing your investment strategy and achieving your goals.

Utilize the Services of a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD): Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials can provide access to valuable insights and fund recommendations. They offer a structured approach to mutual fund investments, potentially yielding better returns.

Final Insights
Achieving a retirement corpus of Rs 4 crore in 13 years is a challenging but attainable goal. Your disciplined approach and existing investments provide a solid foundation. Enhancing your investment strategy through increased SIPs, diversification, and risk management will drive you closer to your target.

Consistently reviewing and adjusting your portfolio ensures alignment with your retirement goals. Avoiding emotional investing and maintaining a disciplined approach are vital for long-term success.

Seek guidance from certified professionals to optimize your investment strategy. They can provide insights and recommendations, helping you navigate complex financial decisions.

Your commitment to achieving your retirement goals is commendable. With focused planning and disciplined execution, you are well on your way to a secure and prosperous retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4208 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 36 year old and my take home salary is around 1.6, I have an EMI OF 1.02 pending for next 3 year and. I hv 40L in equity, 9 L in mutual and 10 Pf. i have two kids and having expenses around 50k each month. I need 2-3 Cr by my retirement. how can I do that?
Ans: Managing finances can be tough, especially with kids and monthly expenses. Let's look at a strategy to help you reach your retirement goal of Rs. 2-3 crore. We'll break it down step-by-step. Ready? Let's dive in!

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation

You have a solid foundation already, which is fantastic. Here’s a quick snapshot:

Salary: Rs. 1.6 lakh take-home monthly.
EMI: Rs. 1.02 lakh for the next 3 years.
Equity Investments: Rs. 40 lakh.
Mutual Funds: Rs. 9 lakh.
Provident Fund: Rs. 10 lakh.
Monthly Expenses: Rs. 50,000.
Your salary covers the EMI and expenses, but saving more is challenging right now.

Building a Strong Savings Plan

Once your EMI is paid off in 3 years, you'll have Rs. 1.02 lakh freed up each month. This is a significant amount that can be redirected towards savings and investments. Here’s how you can plan:

Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) with the freed-up EMI amount.
Divide the amount between equity mutual funds, PPF, and other fixed-income instruments.
Consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.
Boosting Your Mutual Fund Portfolio

You already have Rs. 9 lakh in mutual funds. Increasing this amount through regular SIPs can yield significant returns. Here’s why mutual funds are a good option:

Professional Management: Fund managers have expertise in stock selection and market timing.
Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across various sectors and stocks.
Flexibility: You can start with small amounts and increase your investment over time.
Maximizing Your Equity Investments

Your equity portfolio of Rs. 40 lakh is a strong asset. Equity investments can provide high returns over the long term. Here’s how to manage it:

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio and rebalance to align with your risk tolerance.
Stay Invested: Avoid frequent trading and let your investments grow over time.
Seek Professional Advice: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help optimize your portfolio.
Leveraging Your Provident Fund

Your Provident Fund (PF) of Rs. 10 lakh is a safe and secure investment. It provides a steady return with tax benefits. Here’s how to make the most of it:

Continue Contributions: Ensure you keep contributing to your PF.
Use PF for Long-Term Goals: Treat your PF as a long-term investment for retirement.
Planning for Your Children’s Future

With two kids, it’s essential to plan for their education and other expenses. Here are a few steps:

Education Fund: Start an SIP specifically for their education.
Child Plans: Consider child-specific investment plans for their future needs.
Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance to cover unforeseen events.
Cutting Down Unnecessary Expenses

Review your monthly expenses and identify areas where you can save. Here are some tips:

Budgeting: Create a monthly budget and stick to it.
Track Expenses: Use apps to track your spending and find areas to cut back.
Prioritize Needs Over Wants: Focus on essential expenses and avoid unnecessary spending.
Creating an Emergency Fund

An emergency fund is crucial for financial stability. Aim to save at least 6 months of expenses. Here’s how:

Set Aside a Fixed Amount Monthly: Once your EMI is paid off, allocate a portion to an emergency fund.
Use Liquid Funds: Invest in liquid funds or a high-interest savings account for easy access.
Avoid Using This Fund: Only use it for genuine emergencies.
Increasing Your Income

Consider ways to boost your income. Here are a few ideas:

Side Gigs: Take up freelance work or part-time jobs that suit your skills.
Passive Income: Explore passive income streams like rental income or online businesses.
Upskill: Invest in courses or certifications that can help you get a raise or promotion.
Utilizing Tax Benefits

Make the most of tax-saving options to increase your savings. Here’s how:

Section 80C: Invest in ELSS, PPF, or NSC to avail of tax benefits.
Health Insurance: Premiums paid for health insurance are deductible under Section 80D.
Home Loan: Interest on home loans can be claimed under Section 24.
Investing in Balanced Funds

Balanced funds provide a mix of equity and debt, offering both growth and stability. Here’s why they’re beneficial:

Diversification: Spreads risk across different asset classes.
Moderate Risk: Less volatile than pure equity funds.
Regular Income: Some balanced funds provide regular dividends.
Seeking Professional Guidance

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help tailor a financial plan specific to your needs. Here’s why a CFP is valuable:

Expertise: They have professional training and experience in financial planning.
Personalized Advice: They can create a customized plan based on your goals and risk tolerance.
Regular Reviews: They will help you stay on track with regular reviews and adjustments.
Final Insights

Achieving a retirement corpus of Rs. 2-3 crore is possible with disciplined savings and smart investments. By optimizing your current resources, cutting unnecessary expenses, and leveraging professional advice, you can secure a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4208 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi i am 39 year old my in hand salary after tax is 51 lpm I have fixed deposit worth 80 lac ppf of 34 lac, I have own flat fully paid, mutual fund around 13 lac,10 lac emergency fund, my wife housewife and son is 3 year old, what can I do to plan my retirement my current yearly expense is around 9 lacs and I don't have any loan
Ans: Planning for retirement is crucial, and it's wonderful that you're thinking ahead. Let's create a comprehensive plan to ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. I'll guide you through the steps and strategies needed, addressing various aspects of your financial situation.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You have a strong financial foundation, which is great. Your current financial assets include:

Fixed Deposit: Rs. 80 lakh
PPF: Rs. 34 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs. 13 lakh
Emergency Fund: Rs. 10 lakh
Fully Paid Flat
Your annual expenses are Rs. 9 lakh, and you have no loans. With these details in mind, we can create a solid retirement plan.

Setting Retirement Goals
First, let's set clear retirement goals. This includes determining the age you wish to retire, estimating your post-retirement expenses, and accounting for inflation.

Retirement Age: Let's assume you plan to retire at 60.
Post-Retirement Expenses: Estimating your expenses to increase with inflation, let's assume Rs. 12 lakh annually.
Your current expenses of Rs. 9 lakh will likely increase over time due to inflation. Planning for increased expenses ensures you won't fall short of funds during retirement.

Building a Retirement Corpus
To ensure a comfortable retirement, you need to build a substantial retirement corpus. Given your current financial assets and future goals, let's discuss how to achieve this.

Mutual Funds: A Key Investment
Mutual funds are a crucial part of your investment strategy. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns. Let's explore the categories of mutual funds and their benefits:

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risk.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and fixed income securities. They are safer but offer lower returns compared to equity funds.

3. Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing a balance of risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Experts manage your investments, aiming for the best returns.
Liquidity: You can easily buy or sell mutual fund units.
Compounding: Reinvesting returns can lead to significant growth over time.
Risk and Power of Compounding
Mutual funds come with market risks. However, long-term investments usually balance out short-term market fluctuations. The power of compounding significantly boosts your corpus over time. By reinvesting your returns, your money grows faster.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
While index funds track market indices and come with lower fees, they lack the active management that can potentially outperform the market. Direct funds may save on commissions, but investing through a certified financial planner (CFP) provides valuable guidance and better fund selection.

Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, chosen by an experienced CFP, often outperform index funds. A CFP’s expertise helps in selecting funds tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Structuring Your Investments
Now, let's structure your investments to build a robust retirement corpus.

Emergency Fund
You already have a Rs. 10 lakh emergency fund. Keep this in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund to ensure quick access.

Fixed Deposits and PPF
Your fixed deposit and PPF are safe investments. However, their returns may not outpace inflation in the long term. Consider moving a portion into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds.

Diversifying Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Diversification is key. Spread your investments across various mutual funds:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for higher returns.
Debt Funds: Invest in debt funds for stability and income.
Balanced Funds: Include balanced funds to mitigate risk while aiming for growth.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing through SIPs ensures disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging. This strategy reduces the impact of market volatility.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. A CFP can provide ongoing guidance and adjustments.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning maximizes your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and plan withdrawals to minimize tax liabilities.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage:

Life Insurance: Protect your family’s future with sufficient life insurance.
Health Insurance: Adequate health insurance covers medical emergencies without draining your savings.
Retirement Income Streams
Plan for multiple income streams during retirement:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use SWPs from mutual funds for regular income.
Dividends: Invest in dividend-paying funds or stocks.
Part-Time Work: Consider part-time work or consultancy for additional income.
Estate Planning
Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed as per your wishes. Prepare a will and consider trusts for efficient transfer of wealth.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement involves a multi-faceted approach. By diversifying your investments, utilizing mutual funds, and planning for tax efficiency, you can build a substantial retirement corpus. Regular reviews and adjustments with a CFP ensure you stay on track to achieve your retirement goals.

Conclusion
Planning your retirement requires careful consideration of various factors. By following the outlined strategies, you can ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. Regularly consulting with a CFP will help you stay on track and make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |241 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 26 years old. Doing job in an Mnc, earning decent enough for me and my family. I had a breakup in my early 20s with my long term girlfriend from my school days, since then I am single. Last year I met a girl at the office gym, she works in a different department. We both speak the same language so she approached me and my friend and gave her number. Then we became good friends, used to hangout everything. Even though she had a boyfriend she used to get jealous seeing me with other female friends. 3 months back, her bf married to some other girl of his cast and dumped her. She had physical relationship with her bf as she told but i never had physical with anyone. She used to come and cry in front of me and asked me once as well whether i loved her or not. I ignored as i knew she is just seeing me as an option. Nowadays she is avoiding me a lot giving excuses like she is busy and all and I feel she went into a relationship and just breadcrumbing me because of attention. I also stopped giving her free attention and barely call. But my heart still miss her. I know I don't love her and don't wanna be with her in future as she is very manipulative but being very lonely myself with no friends she used to fill a void in my life. I want her presence, attention, and maybe want to do physical with her casually as she is that type of girl who can get laid easily with someone she likes. What shall I do? I am unable to move on from this and it is affecting my career. Also I want a stable relationship with whom I can have a good future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

The answer to your question is right there in the question. You do not want her; you want her attention which will feed your ego. It's not love and you know it. If you pursue a casual or serious relationship, chances are one or both of you will get hurt. Now, you mentioned that you want a stable relationship. You should start by focusing on that.

One more thing- it is not up to us to judge someone and call them names like "that type of girl." Wanting to hook up with her casually because you think she'll let you should then make you "that type of boy." These are baseless labels and it's best not to hurl these insults at people. Focus on yourself. Find a date- you can ask your friends to set you up, or family, or you can try out a dating app. Mention that you want a serious relationship; it can increase your chances of finding the right match.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |241 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Before coming into our relationship I knew that my girlfriend had a past relationship of 3 years. I asked about it just to clarify if anything was there which will harm our upcoming relationship we gona Start. She mentioned that she did not liked her past relationship and other stuff and she mentioned she had not any physical relationship of any kind with her ex . But now after we came into relationship after 2 years. I found out that she had a physical relationship with her ex . But no intercourse but other stuff. I could not believe her words when she told all this and she been laying all the things I asked if it was your first time and other things. I had no such relationship as of myself and told her that I hate such types where u already experienced stuffs with others . What should I do . I like her too she too loves me . But the thing I found out haunts me and make me fill miserable
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are hurting but her past truly should not matter to you in the present. Ideally, I am not in favor of pushing people to disclose their past experiences, especially if they are not comfortable with it. But I agree that she was wrong to get into a relationship with you when you specifically showed dislike towards the things you mentioned. I suppose she liked you too much and did not want to ruin her chances. I should also mention that judging a person by their past or because they had certain kinds of relations with their ex is not fair; you were not in the picture. Regardless of it, your pain is valid. It isn't easy to come to terms with new information about your partner's past.

Now hear me out, past is in the past. It can only hurt you if you let it. Think about it properly- did she do anything in the present to hurt you? NO. Can you or she change the past? NO. Should she apologize for having a past? NO. Should you move past this and work towards a better future? That's the only thing in your control. Chose wisely. If you think you will hold her accountable for this forever, then you both should reconsider this relationship. If you think this fight is meaningless, and want to move forward with your relationship, then great.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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