Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir, I'm 29 years old and I'm working professional and my salary is 27000 PM. Currently I'm doing 5000 pm SIP with step up in Nifty 50 and Nasdaq index from last 1 year. I'm up for long term. So please guide me how should i invest so i can secure my future and manage other expenses and making some retirement fund and make a good corpus . Should i diversify my investment?? And where to invest?? Or i need to switch to another mutual funds or add some too??

Ans: At 29, you've made a great start on your financial journey. Your monthly salary is Rs. 27,000, and you’re investing Rs. 5,000 per month in SIPs focused on Nifty 50 and Nasdaq index funds. You're planning for the long term, which is fantastic. Let’s explore how you can diversify your investments, secure your future, and build a solid retirement corpus.

Current Investments and Goals
Income and Investments

Monthly Salary: Rs. 27,000
SIP Investments: Rs. 5,000 per month in Nifty 50 and Nasdaq index funds
Your goal is to secure your future, manage expenses, and create a retirement fund. Diversifying your investments can help achieve these goals.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Index Funds: Nifty 50 and Nasdaq

Index funds like Nifty 50 and Nasdaq are good for low-cost, broad-market exposure. However, they have limitations:

Passive Management

Index funds track the market. They don’t attempt to outperform it, which limits potential returns.

Market Volatility

Index funds are subject to market volatility. During downturns, they can suffer significant losses.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Why Consider Actively Managed Funds?

Professional Management

Actively managed funds are overseen by expert fund managers. They strive to outperform the market by selecting high-potential securities.

Strategic Allocation

Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market conditions. This can provide better returns than passive index funds.

Diversification

Actively managed funds often invest in a mix of securities. This diversification reduces risk compared to focusing solely on index funds.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio
Types of Mutual Funds

Equity Funds

Equity funds invest in stocks. They offer high growth potential but come with higher risk. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Debt Funds

Debt funds invest in bonds and fixed-income securities. They provide stable returns with lower risk, ideal for balancing equity investments.

Hybrid Funds

Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They balance risk and return, making them suitable for moderate-risk investors.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management

Mutual funds are managed by experts who make informed investment decisions.

Diversification

Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio, reducing risk.

Liquidity

Mutual funds can be easily bought and sold, providing liquidity.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

SIPs allow regular investments, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Power of Compounding
Starting Early

The earlier you start investing, the more you benefit from compounding. Your investments grow exponentially over time.

Reinvesting Returns

Reinvesting returns accelerates growth. This helps your investments compound faster.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Creating a Balanced Portfolio

Equity Allocation

Continue investing in equity funds, but diversify. Include large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Debt Allocation

Add debt funds to your portfolio. They provide stability and lower risk.

Hybrid Funds

Consider hybrid funds for a balanced risk-return profile.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Monitoring Investments

Regularly review your portfolio. Market conditions and personal goals change, so adjust your investments accordingly.

Rebalancing Portfolio

Rebalance your portfolio periodically. This ensures your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and goals.

Risk Management
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This protects you from financial setbacks.

Insurance

Ensure adequate health and life insurance. This safeguards your financial security.

Tax Planning
Tax-Efficient Investments

Invest in tax-saving instruments to reduce your tax liability and maximize returns.

Strategic Withdrawals

Plan withdrawals to minimize tax impact. Use tax-advantaged accounts strategically.

Setting Long-Term Goals
Retirement Planning

Aim to build a substantial retirement corpus. Estimate your future expenses and plan accordingly.

Children’s Education

If you plan to have children, start saving for their education early. This can be part of your long-term financial goals.

Estate Planning
Will and Nomination

Prepare a will and ensure nominations are updated. This ensures smooth transfer of assets.

Trusts

Consider setting up trusts if needed. They provide greater control over asset distribution.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

Consider working with a CFP. They offer expert advice and help optimize your investment strategy.

Better Fund Selection

CFPs have access to research and insights. They can recommend funds that suit your goals and risk profile.

Final Insights
Your current investments in Nifty 50 and Nasdaq index funds are a good start. However, diversifying your portfolio and including actively managed funds can enhance returns and reduce risk. Focus on a balanced asset allocation strategy, regular reviews, and rebalancing.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures expert guidance tailored to your goals. The power of compounding, combined with disciplined investments and strategic planning, will secure your financial future. Start early, stay disciplined, and make informed decisions.

Your future self will thank you for the efforts you put in today.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Listen
Money
Sir i am 27 yrs old unmarried .i have 35L in FD 10L in ppf 15L in mutual fund 20L in stocks 5L in SGB . I have an annually income of 30L i want to retire by 40 i have brought a term insurance and health insurer. Can help me plan how to invest further and achieve my goal .Karthik banglore
Ans: Hello Karthik,

Firstly, congratulations on being proactive about planning for your retirement at such a young age. Let's delve into crafting a strategic financial plan to help you achieve your goal of retiring by the age of 40, with a focus on mutual funds (MFs) as a key component of your investment strategy.

Current Financial Position
Your current financial standing reflects a commendable level of savings and investments, providing a solid foundation for your retirement aspirations. Let's review your existing assets:

FDs, PPF, and SGB: These traditional investment avenues offer stability and security, but they might not maximize long-term growth potential.

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Investing in equities and mutual funds demonstrates your willingness to explore avenues with higher growth potential, albeit with associated market risks.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Given your ambitious retirement goal, here's a tailored approach to further optimize your investments, focusing more on mutual funds:

Asset Allocation Review:

Evaluate your current asset allocation to ensure alignment with your retirement timeline and risk tolerance. Consider reallocating a portion of your conservative investments (FDs, PPF) towards equity mutual funds for higher growth potential over the long term.
Diversification with Mutual Funds:

Explore a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across different categories:
Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in large, well-established companies with stable performance. They offer relatively lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: These funds focus on mid-sized and small-sized companies with higher growth potential but also higher volatility. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to these funds for capital appreciation.
Flexi Cap Funds: These funds provide flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on prevailing market conditions. They offer a balanced approach between growth and stability.
ELSS Funds: Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to avail tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, while also benefiting from potential capital appreciation.
Regular Portfolio Monitoring:

Implement a disciplined approach to monitor and rebalance your MF portfolio periodically. Review fund performance, expense ratios, and fund manager track records to ensure they align with your investment objectives.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Utilize SIPs to invest systematically in mutual funds, enabling rupee-cost averaging and mitigating the impact of market volatility over time. Allocate your monthly investment amount across various MF categories based on your risk profile and investment horizon.
Tax Planning:

Optimize your tax efficiency by leveraging tax-saving mutual fund options such as ELSS funds. Maximize contributions to tax-deferred accounts like ELSS to reduce your taxable income and enhance overall savings.
Conclusion
In conclusion, by adopting a proactive and strategic approach to your financial planning, with a focus on mutual funds, you're well-positioned to achieve your goal of retiring by the age of 40. Continuously assess and adjust your MF portfolio to align with evolving market conditions and personal financial objectives. Remember, early retirement requires diligent planning and disciplined execution, but with careful guidance and prudent decision-making, you're on the right track to realizing your retirement dreams.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Sir i am 32 year old my salary is 33000. Kindly provide the advice of which mutual funds and shares need to invest. Already i am investing monthly 500 in PPF and NPS, 500 in mutual fund, 500 in RD. From last two years
Ans: It's great to see that you're already investing in PPF, NPS, mutual funds, and RD. Let’s review your financial situation and provide some tailored advice.

Current Financial Overview
Age: 32 years old.

Salary: Rs. 33,000 per month.

Current Investments:

PPF: Rs. 500 per month.
NPS: Rs. 500 per month.
Mutual Fund: Rs. 500 per month.
Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs. 500 per month.
Investment Duration: 2 years.

Good Aspects:

Investment Habit: Investing regularly shows discipline.

Diversification: You're diversifying across different instruments.

Financial Planning Insights
Assessing Current Investments
PPF and NPS: Good for long-term retirement planning.

Mutual Fund and RD: Offers a mix of market-linked and guaranteed returns.

Recommendations for Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Diversified Funds: Consider large-cap and multi-cap funds. They offer stability and growth potential.

Mid and Small-cap Funds: Allocate a smaller portion. These funds have higher growth potential but also higher risk.

Debt Mutual Funds
Short-term Debt Funds: Useful for short-term goals. They offer better returns than traditional savings accounts.

Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt. Provides moderate growth with lower risk.

Recommendations for Stocks
Large-cap Stocks
Stability: Large-cap stocks are less volatile and provide stable returns.

Research: Invest in companies with strong fundamentals and consistent performance.

Mid-cap and Small-cap Stocks
Growth Potential: These stocks can offer higher returns. However, they come with higher risk.

Diversification: Spread investments across sectors to mitigate risk.

Suggested Investment Strategy
Monthly Investment Plan
PPF: Continue with Rs. 500 per month.

NPS: Continue with Rs. 500 per month.

Mutual Fund: Increase to Rs. 2,000 per month. Split across diversified equity and debt funds.

RD: Continue with Rs. 500 per month.

Financial Goals
Short-term Goals (1-3 years)
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.

Skill Enhancement: Invest in courses or certifications to enhance your earning potential.

Mid-term Goals (3-5 years)
Buying a Vehicle: If you plan to buy a vehicle, start a dedicated savings plan.

Travel Fund: If you wish to travel, save separately for your trips.

Long-term Goals (5+ years)
Home Purchase: Start saving for a down payment if you plan to buy a home.

Retirement Fund: Continue contributing to PPF and NPS for a secure retirement.

Risk Management
Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance. It protects against unexpected events.

Diversification: Maintain a balanced portfolio across different asset classes.

Tax Planning
Tax-saving Investments: Utilize options like ELSS, PPF, and NPS to reduce taxable income.

Efficient Filing: File your taxes accurately and seek professional help if needed.

Final Insights
Regular Review: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your goals.

Continuous Learning: Stay informed about personal finance and market trends.

Professional Guidance: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice and strategies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I'm 23yrs old and doing a job right now. My current salary is near 40k pm and I've invested in mf and stock also. Per month sip amount is 30k in mf. I don't have any loan in my name. I want to retire within 45yrs age. So I need suggestion regarding my investment.
Ans: At 23 years, you’re in a strong financial position, with a steady job, no loans, and a high monthly SIP contribution. With early retirement in mind, creating a well-structured, diversified portfolio is key. Here’s a comprehensive approach to achieve your goals while managing risk effectively.

 

1. Reviewing Your Current Portfolio
With Rs 30,000 allocated to mutual funds monthly, you’ve built a solid foundation. But since your goal is to retire by 45, let’s ensure your investments are diversified and aligned with your risk tolerance.

 

Assess Mutual Fund Allocation: Verify that your investments are balanced across different fund categories, such as equity and hybrid. Avoid concentrating too heavily on high-risk funds.

Evaluate Stock Market Holdings: Understand your stock portfolio’s risk profile and avoid excessive exposure to volatile sectors.

Seek Professional Guidance: Work with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your fund selection according to your retirement goal.

 

Recommendation: Diversify within mutual funds for balanced growth and consider gradually reducing high-risk equity exposure as you approach retirement.

 

2. Emphasising the Importance of Long-Term Compounding
Given your young age, compounding is your greatest ally. It can turn even small contributions into significant wealth over time.

 

Regular Contributions for Consistency: Maintain your SIPs consistently and avoid stopping or pausing contributions, as this can disrupt compounding benefits.

Reinvest Returns: Instead of withdrawing, let your investment returns reinvest. This increases your corpus significantly over time.

Set Annual Investment Goals: With rising income, increase your SIP amount annually to leverage compounding even further.

 

Recommendation: Stick to disciplined, uninterrupted investing to maximise compounding, especially with your long investment horizon.

 

3. Building an Emergency Fund for Financial Security
While planning for early retirement, it’s vital to safeguard against financial emergencies. An emergency fund can prevent you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely.

 

Set Aside Six Months’ Expenses: Keep funds for six months of expenses in a liquid fund or fixed deposit for easy access.

Avoid Risky Assets for Emergency Savings: Emergency funds should be kept separate from mutual funds or stocks to ensure they’re readily available.

Update the Fund Regularly: Review this fund as your lifestyle and expenses change to maintain adequate coverage.

 

Recommendation: Secure an emergency fund first, as it provides stability and ensures that your retirement savings stay intact.

 

4. Using NPS and EPF for Additional Retirement Benefits
National Pension System (NPS) and Employee Provident Fund (EPF) are tax-efficient and reliable for retirement planning. They offer secure growth with partial equity exposure in NPS, which can be beneficial for your long-term goals.

 

Consider Monthly NPS Contributions: NPS provides tax advantages and equity growth potential. Opt for higher equity allocation initially and switch to safer options later.

EPF for Stable Returns: If you have access to EPF through your employer, it’s a low-risk retirement tool with stable returns, helping balance your higher-risk mutual funds.

Combine with SIPs: Use NPS and EPF as core retirement components, alongside SIPs, to ensure a balanced retirement corpus.

 

Recommendation: Use both NPS and EPF to strengthen your retirement base, given their tax benefits and secure growth.

 

5. Avoiding Direct Fund Investments in Favour of Professional Management
Direct funds can seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they require regular tracking and expertise. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP can provide professional oversight and ensure alignment with your retirement strategy.

 

Expertise and Portfolio Review: With regular funds, you’ll receive expert guidance and timely adjustments from a Certified Financial Planner.

Peace of Mind: You avoid the hassle of constant fund management, letting professionals handle fund selection and rebalancing.

Focused on Goal Achievement: A CFP monitors your progress and recommends strategies to achieve your retirement goals smoothly.

 

Recommendation: Avoid direct funds. Choose regular funds through a certified advisor to receive valuable guidance and fund management.

 

6. Creating a Goal-Based Investment Approach
Instead of viewing all investments as a single pool, break down your investments by goals, such as retirement, travel, or higher education. This provides clarity and helps in selecting the right investment vehicles for each.

 

Define Key Milestones: List short-, mid-, and long-term goals and assign separate investments to each goal.

Align Investments Accordingly: For early retirement, invest in equity-heavy funds, while short-term goals may suit debt funds or fixed deposits.

Track Goal-Based Progress: Review each goal annually to ensure you’re on track. Adjust as your financial situation or goals evolve.

 

Recommendation: Assign investments to specific goals and review progress regularly. This keeps you organised and focused on the path to early retirement.

 

7. Understanding Taxation to Optimise Returns
Investment growth is affected by taxes, so understanding tax-efficient strategies is essential. The new MF taxation rules impact capital gains on equity and debt mutual funds, influencing your retirement planning.

 

Equity Fund Taxation: For equity funds, long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Plan sales carefully to optimise post-tax gains.

Debt Fund Taxation: Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab, making them less tax-efficient. Choose debt only for short-term or stability needs.

Use Tax-Free Instruments: NPS and EPF offer tax exemptions and can reduce taxable income, providing efficient growth over time.

 

Recommendation: Plan withdrawals with tax implications in mind and use tax-saving options like NPS to maximise net returns.

 

8. Regularly Reviewing and Adjusting Your Portfolio
Investment markets and your personal circumstances change over time. Periodically review and adjust your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner to keep it aligned with your retirement goal.

 

Annual Portfolio Check-Up: Rebalance your portfolio annually to manage risk and ensure growth.

Adjust for Life Changes: Review the portfolio during significant events, like job changes, salary hikes, or major purchases.

Re-assess Retirement Needs: As you approach 45, shift to safer investments to preserve wealth for retirement.

 

Recommendation: Regular portfolio reviews are essential to maintaining the right risk level and staying on track to retire at 45.

 

9. Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes for Early Retirement
Retiring early requires careful planning. Be mindful of common investment pitfalls that could delay your goals.

 

Don’t Overlook Inflation: Inflation reduces purchasing power. Invest in growth-oriented funds to keep up with inflation.

Avoid High-Risk Strategies: While equity is crucial for growth, overly risky bets can derail your progress. Stay diversified.

Stick to the Plan: Resist the urge to withdraw investments early. Premature withdrawals disrupt growth and extend your retirement timeline.

 

Recommendation: Focus on disciplined, consistent investing and avoid impulsive changes. This ensures steady progress toward early retirement.

 

Final Insights
With clear goals, disciplined investing, and regular reviews, early retirement is achievable. Focus on SIPs, emergency savings, tax-efficient tools, and professional management to create a well-rounded, robust portfolio. Remember, your current investments are the building blocks for a secure future. Staying focused and disciplined will reward you with a comfortable retirement by age 45.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |30 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
Relationship
I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x