Hello Anu, I would prefer to remain anonymous. I am 37 year old. My father purchased an apartment for around 35 lakhs, with an initial payment of approximately 5 lakhs. At the time, I believe he intended to pay for it himself, as my career was quite unstable. However, over the last four years, I have moved back to my hometown due to the pandemic and have since found success in my career, earning a substantial income. My father then started asking me to deposit money into his account so that he could continue making payments for the apartment. His reasons varied, ranging from being short on legitimate (white) money to wanting to use my legally earned income for this purpose, and I complied without much thought because I’ve always been an obedient child. Over the last six months, I contributed the final 7 lakhs for the property, and I was led to believe that it would be registered in either my name or my wife’s name. However, just two days ago, my father informed me that it must be registered in his name. This has left me feeling manipulated and betrayed. Despite contributing a significant sum of around 30-32 lakhs, I still feel I have no say in the property. I’ve never been able to communicate openly with my father, and this situation has only made things worse. When I confronted him, the conversation didn’t go well, and my mother expressed deep disappointment in me, implying that I am not a good son. They made me feel guilty, and I am now left with a sense of profound loss. Regardless of the outcome, I feel like I’ve lost. If the property is registered in my name, I feel like a terrible son, and if it isn’t, I feel like I’ve lost both my savings and my dignity. I would appreciate any advice or guidance on how I should approach this situation, or what I should believe in moving forward. Just for context, my father has a decent business, owns the house we live in, and possesses other assets, so it’s not as though he is dependent on my income for survival.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I assume that you are part of an Indian family system where the son is still expected to take on the responsibilities of caring for his parents. Now, this need not be challenged as it is rooted in firm beliefs but what still seems inexcusable is the manner in which your father has tried to achieve it.
A simple conversation around this would have helped you understand his thoughts around the property, money surrounding it etc...
You say that you have never been able to communicate openly with your father and maybe all that is happening is a lesson for you to start becoming more expressive with him. Say NO when it is a NO...saying Yes has caused you to lose money at a time when it was not necessary.
You can still communicate with your father and this time do it not to confront him with anger but to clearly express your sadness over the way things were done regarding money. You also need to let him know how this has affected your financial situation and that getting back what is yours will only help you not depend on him (your father). Express clearly as to what you want...You are not a terrible son if you are looking out for your own family and your future. Be wise about it!
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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