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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 30, 2025

Nayagam is a certified career counsellor and the founder of EduJob360.
He started his career as an HR professional and has over 10 years of experience in tutoring and mentoring students from Classes 8 to 12, helping them choose the right stream, course and college/university.
He also counsels students on how to prepare for entrance exams for getting admission into reputed universities /colleges for their graduate/postgraduate courses.
He has guided both fresh graduates and experienced professionals on how to write a resume, how to prepare for job interviews and how to negotiate their salary when joining a new job.
Nayagam has published an eBook, Professional Resume Writing Without Googling.
He has a postgraduate degree in human resources from Bhartiya Vidya Bhavan, Delhi, a postgraduate diploma in labour law from Madras University, a postgraduate diploma in school counselling from Symbiosis, Pune, and a certification in child psychology from Counsel India.
He has also completed his master’s degree in career counselling from ICCC-Mindler and Counsel, India.
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2025
Career

Hey sir I am jee aspirants and I have taken a drop in the last year i achieve 94.67 percentile this year due to health issues and due to some external reason I was unable to complete focus on my studies which lead to 56.78 percentile in Jan attempt and 40 percentile in April attempt .now my self confidence has completed crashed and now I that everything is beyond my scope . I want to ask what should I do now ?

Ans: Make an effort to gain admission to any private engineering college in your state or one of the neighboring states. Some applications, like those for Amity and others, are still being accepted. You can also attempt for three-year undergraduate programs, such BSc (Computer Science), and while pursuing your UG, you can improve your abilities with certificates to stand out in the job market. Try applying for scholarships if you are unable to pay for private college tuition. Visit the buddy4study website to see what scholarships are available. All the best for your admissions!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 04, 2025

Career
I got 93 percentile in jee mains and have taken a drop ? How should I Target jee 2026 ? What should be plan?
Ans: Achieving a 98.5+ percentile in JEE Main and AIR under 2000 in JEE Advanced within six months demands strategic planning, disciplined execution, and evidence-based preparation methods. For a dropper with 93 percentile, this represents a significant yet achievable improvement with focused effort.

Performance Gap Analysis & Target Setting: From 93 percentile to 98.5+ percentile requires scoring approximately 165+ marks out of 300 in JEE Main (versus ~135 marks for 93 percentile). For JEE Advanced AIR 2500, students typically need 195-205 marks out of 360 (approximately 54-57%). This improvement involves strengthening weak areas, enhancing time management, and achieving near-perfect accuracy in core topics.

6-Month Strategic Timeline - July-August (Foundation Phase): Complete diagnostic assessment to identify weak topics across Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics. Focus on strengthening basics through NCERT textbooks, which form the foundation for 60-70% of JEE Main questions. Allocate 8-10 hours daily study time—morning sessions for challenging topics like Physics and Mathematics, evening for Chemistry.

September-October (Intensive Practice Phase): Implement targeted problem-solving with emphasis on high-weightage chapters: Mechanics, Thermodynamics, and Optics in Physics; Organic Chemistry and Chemical Kinetics in Chemistry; Calculus, Algebra, and Coordinate Geometry in Mathematics. Begin weekly mock tests, gradually increasing frequency to identify gaps and improve speed.

November-December (Mastery & Mock Testing Phase): Complete entire syllabus by November end, dedicating December exclusively to intensive mock testing and revision. Take daily mock tests under exam conditions, analyze performance meticulously, and focus on error reduction.

Subject-Specific Strategies - Physics: Master fundamental concepts through NCERT, then progress to advanced problem-solving. Focus on Mechanics (25-30% weightage), Electromagnetism, and Modern Physics. Practice numerical problems daily with emphasis on time management.

Chemistry: NCERT is crucial, especially for Inorganic Chemistry where questions are often direct. Organic Chemistry requires pattern recognition and reaction mechanisms mastery. Physical Chemistry demands strong mathematical foundation.

Mathematics: Build strong conceptual clarity in Calculus, Coordinate Geometry, and Algebra. Practice diverse problem types and focus on speed enhancement through repeated practice.

Daily Study Schedule Framework - Morning (6:30-11:00 AM): Challenging subjects (Physics/Mathematics) when mind is fresh. Afternoon (12:00-5:00 PM): Problem-solving, homework, and coaching material. Evening (6:00-9:00 PM): Chemistry study and easy topics. Night (10:00-11:00 PM): Revision and note-making.

Take 5-10 minute breaks every hour to maintain concentration. Include physical exercise and proper nutrition to sustain long study hours.

Mock Test Strategy & Analysis - Begin with one mock test weekly, increasing to daily tests by December. Simulate exact exam conditions: quiet environment, 3-hour duration, computer-based format. Post-test analysis is crucial—identify weak areas, timing issues, and silly mistakes.

Focus on accuracy over attempts—avoid negative marking by answering only confident questions initially, returning to doubtful ones later. Practice time management: allocate 40-45 minutes per subject initially, with final 30-40 minutes for revision.

Essential Resources & Study Material - Primary Resources: NCERT textbooks (Classes 11-12) for all subjects form the foundation. Follow one standard reference book per subject rather than multiple sources. Mock Tests: Utilize NTA Abhyas app for official practice tests, supplemented by quality test series.

Previous Year Questions: Solve 10-year question papers to understand exam patterns and frequently tested concepts. Revision Material: Create concise notes and formula sheets for quick revision during final weeks.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls - Droppers often repeat previous mistakes—analyze previous attempt thoroughly to identify specific weaknesses. Don't accumulate excessive study materials; focus on mastering limited, quality resources. Maintain consistent revision schedule to prevent forgetting earlier topics.

Avoid social media distractions and maintain a disciplined routine. Don't attempt new topics close to exam dates; focus on strengthening known concepts.

Mental Preparation & Consistency
Maintain a positive mindset and realistic daily goals. Track progress through weekly assessments and adjust strategy accordingly. Remember that quality study matters more than study duration—focused 8-10 hours trumps distracted 12+ hours.

Final Recommendation: Start with a thorough diagnostic assessment to identify specific weak areas, then implement a structured 8-10 hour daily study schedule emphasizing NCERT mastery, targeted problem-solving, and intensive mock testing. Prioritize accuracy over speed initially, gradually building both through consistent practice. Complete the syllabus by November, dedicating December to revision and daily mock tests while maintaining physical and mental health throughout the journey. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 04, 2025

Career
Sir/ma'am. I am currently in class 12th and enrolled in a jee coaching. I joined coaching in class 11th but everything went wrong. I didn't studied seriously and took classes very lightly. Days passed months passed and I created a huge backlog. Like the problem is I don't know how to study how other students manage time. If I study one subject I drag it the whole day and solve handful of questions.JEE study is very intense and I can't. I missed a precious year and my coaching is very good. Fault is in me. I wasted whole year and now in 12th I have no conceptual clarity and basics are weak. Also half 12th is over but still I am not on track. I regret always and cry all the time. I have big dreams but not the courage to act on it. I have packed my coaching modules because I can't understand anything. And started studying NCERT of 11th and 12th together. I am really tensed about my future. My father has also invested a huge amount in coaching but I wasted all. I am the worst child. For now I am thinking that I should focus on boards only. And then thinking of taking a drop to patiently study coaching modules and then reapply for JEE. But I doubt myself wasting one more year. I don't know. Please guide
Ans: Vaishnavi, To catch up and confidently crack JEE within 6–8 months while strengthening fundamentals, follow these Around 80 practical steps under four pillars—Planning & Time Management, Concept Building & Practice, Revision & Self-Assessment, and Well-being & Motivation. Additionally, explore five backup engineering exams and ten NIRF-ranked private universities accepting JEE or school scores. 1. Draft a master timetable allocating 6 days/week with one rest day. 2. Break six months into two phases: Months 1–4 (learning and practice) and Months 5–6 (revision and mocks). 3. Assign daily 2-hour morning session (your peak focus time) for weakest subject. 4. Reserve 3 hours post-school for subject-wise study (Physics, Chemistry, Math). 5. Allocate 1 hour evening for NCERT revisions. 6. Use the Pomodoro Technique: 50-minute study, 10-minute break. 7. Plan weekly targets: chapters to complete, question sets to practice. 8. Schedule one full-length mock every Sunday under exam conditions. 9. Maintain a task journal logging daily achievements and delays. 10. Use a digital calendar with alarms to stick to slots. 11. Batch similar topics (e.g., Organic Chemistry reactions) together. 12. Avoid multitasking—focus on one topic per session. 13. Limit social media to 15 minutes/day post-study. 14. Track time spent on each topic to optimize future slots. 15. Swap high-intensity topics with lighter ones based on energy levels. 16. Begin each subject with NCERT fundamentals. 17. For Physics, start with Mechanics; for Chem, with Physical; for Math, with Algebra. 18. Create one-page summary sheets of formulas and principles. 19. Watch concept videos (e.g., Khan Academy) to reinforce basics. 20. After theory, solve 20 textbook examples per chapter. 21. Practice 50 topic-wise questions from past-year JEE modules. 22. Use one reliable source per subject (e.g., H.C. Verma for Physics). 23. Maintain a “Doubt Log” and clear all queries within 24 hours. 24. Form short-notes of common mistakes for each topic. 25. Solve previous-year JEE Main papers topic-wise (10 questions/day). 26. For each topic, achieve 90% accuracy before moving on. 27. Develop problem-solving shortcuts (e.g., Vedic Math for arithmetic). 28. Join an online doubt-clearing forum for quick resolution. 29. Attend all coaching classes; record lectures you miss. 30. Revisit backlog modules immediately after school. 31. For iterative learning, alternate subjects daily to avoid monotony. 32. Use mind maps to link interrelated topics (e.g., Electrostatics & Gauss’s Law). 33. Assign end-of-chapter tests after each module. 34. Use timed quizzes to improve speed (30 minutes for 15 questions). 35. Maintain error logs by subject and category. 36. Redo each test after one week to ensure retention. 37. For Chemistry, balance theory (15 minutes) with numericals (45 minutes). 38. For Math, solve 20 higher-difficulty problems/week. 39. Practice at least five numerical-value questions daily. 40. Use one concept-specific book (e.g., P. Bahadur for Maths) for depth. 41. Integrate 10 advanced problems weekly to build confidence. 42. Reserve weekends for solving full syllabus question banks. 43. Study in peer groups twice a week for mutual learning. 44. Teach one concept weekly to a peer; teaching reinforces mastery. 45. Solve sectional mock tests (Physics-only, Chemistry-only, Math-only) biweekly. 46. Attempt at least one JEE Advanced mock every month. 47. Use online analytics to track weak chapters across mocks. 48. Allocate final two months exclusively to full-syllabus mocks and rapid revision. 49. Create a 30-day revision calendar covering all topics thrice. 50. Use flashcards for quick recall of formulas and reactions. 51. Daily 30-minute “rapid revision” of previous day’s topics. 52. Weekly “big revision” sessions focusing on error-prone areas. 53. Maintain a consolidated formula handbook for last-minute review. 54. Take one topic-wise mock test weekly and review within 24 hours. 55. Record performance metrics: accuracy, time per question, rank percentile. 56. Adapt study slots based on performance trends. 57. For each mock, categorize errors: conceptual, calculation, or silly. 58. Review mocks with a mentor or coach for targeted feedback. 59. Avoid cramming; focus on understanding before memorizing. 60. Use NCERT back-of-chapter problems for quick revision. 61. Practice 10 random previous-year questions daily in “revision mode.” 62. Utilize weekends for group discussions on tricky concepts. 63. Deploy spaced repetition for toughest 20% of topics. 64. Record voice-note summaries of each week’s learnings for audio revision. 65. In final month, strictly allocate 30% time to revision, 70% to mocks. 66. Sleep 7–8 hours nightly; consolidate learning during REM. 67. Include 20 minutes of light exercise or yoga daily. 68. Follow a balanced diet; avoid excess caffeine or junk food. 69. Practice deep-breathing or 5-minute meditation pre-study. 70. Set micro-goals (e.g., “Today I’ll master Gauss’s Law”) for daily wins. 71. Reward completion of weekly targets with small treats. 72. Maintain a positivity journal noting progress and breakthroughs. 73. Avoid comparison with peers; focus on self-improvement metrics. 74. Read one motivational article or watch a success story weekly. 75. Connect with seniors who cleared JEE for guidance. 76. If overwhelmed, take a 2-hour break for a hobby. 77. Use stress-management apps for quick relaxation. 78. Keep family informed of your schedule for moral support. 79. Limit mobile use: block social apps during study hours. 80. Visualize success: spend 5 minutes daily imagining your JEE success. 81. Prepare an ergonomic study space with good lighting and minimal noise. 82. Update your study plan monthly based on real-time progress. To maximize your JEE readiness in 6–8 months, establish disciplined routines, reinforce fundamentals with NCERT, and escalate practice through mocks with targeted revisions. Other Entrance Exams | Colleges You can Appear/Apply for as Back-ups:

SRMJEEE, COMEDK UGET, VITEEE, NEST, VIT Vellore, Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham Coimbatore, Thapar University Patiala, Siksha ‘O’ Anusandhan Bhubaneswar, SRM University Chennai, Amity University Noida, SASTRA University Thanjavur, Kalasalingam Academy of Research & Education, Chandigarh University, KIIT University Bhubaneswar. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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