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Am I holding myself back by being friends with people who don't share my ambition?

Archana Deshpande |100 Answers |Ask -Follow

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi

Hello sir/mam.I am 19 yr old female. After joining a tier-3 college because of financial reasons comprimising as less fees. I thought i can work hard on own and reach the top. Since i am very bad at talking to others regarding any topic, i joined this circle of friends who seemed very extroverted and try new things. Ive always had very career driven mind but i also craved friendships so i befriended them But I am confused about my own thoughts. All of them are real, and would never leave me at my lowest. i never had such friends. But they always roast me for fun and i have always been okay. Sometimes it hurts but i ignore cuz its only for fun and mainly they are not selfish. But at the same time i always find myself in same level. They say u should be around people who have growth mindset. I believ same but my frnds are not like that. And i just find alone in that only aspect(careerwise) . Since i give relationships important i am not taking ghis frnd circle issue seriously And this concerns me

Ans: Hey cheer up, if you are giving importance to relationships, you are in a great space, you are doing the right thing. The quality of your life is based on the quality of your relationships and the choices you make. In my life coaching classes I have to teach some people to focus on relationships...you are not one of them, so good going.
After reading all that you have to say, these are my conclusions-
1.your friends are good, but they roast you and it hurts- the roasting is good as long as it doesn't hurt, a little bit of leg pulling is alright among friends. So when it hurts, you need to draw boundaries. Get on a one on one chat with the friend whose remarks hurt you, tell her/him that it is "not ok" and that "it hurts", "it makes you feel underconfident"( whatever you genuinely feel). You have to be assertive communicator( someone who respects others and also themselves), here!!
2. You want to mingle with ppl who have a growth mindset, do that, join groups that have this as their agenda. You know this set of friends can't give you that, so you look elsewhere.
3. You said "you are not good at talking and hence joined this set of extroverted friends", has this solved your prob? Have you become better at talking? If yes, then continue to meet them...if NO then time to let go....continue to meet them for other reasons, you yourself said that they are real and won't let go of you at your lowest, then they are real friends. Continue to nurture these friends but don't relay on them for your needs of growth and good communication skills.
4. you said, "I thought i can work hard on my own and reach the top", this is still right, ask for help where you need, develop your personality and soar high.

All the very best to you

Asked on - Jul 23, 2024 | Answered on Jul 26, 2024

Thank you so much @Archan Deshpande mam ? This helped me.

Ans: I am so glad this helped, if you want to be a good communicator, public speaker and develop leadership qualities...then you can reach out to me and I'll be glad to help such a committed girl to scale the ladders of success.