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Chocko

Chocko Valliappa  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Entrepreneur, Educationist - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Chocko Valliappa is the founder and CEO of Vee Technologies, a global IT services company; HireMee, a talent assessment and talent management start-up; and vice chairman of The Sona Group of education institutions.
A fourth-generation entrepreneur, Valliappa is a member of Confederation of Indian Industry, Nasscom, Entrepreneurs Organization and Young Presidents’ Organization.
He was honoured by the YPO with their Global Social Impact award in 2018.
An alumnus of Christ College, Bangalore, Valliappa holds a degree in textile technology and management from the South India Textile Research Association. His advanced research in the Czech Republic led to the creation of innovative polyester spinning machinery.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Career

I'm a Mechanical Engineering graduate, 25. I did a lot of trial and error method in my career as I didn’t know what to do. Company X - 6 months (Project management-Electronic based) Company Y - 3 months (Software engineer) Post that, I wanted to get into merchant navy as a marine engineer. I got selected in one of the renowned companies in india and got sponsored, Passed out as a topper and sailed for 3 months until I could realize that this even more harder than anything I had done, both physically and mentally. Now, I'm at crossroads not knowing what to do and because of my profile, I'm not getting any jobs also. Kindly, share your valuable advice on the same.

Ans: I would say your have two qualifications--Mech Engg and Marine Engg plus experience in project Mgt, Sw devept. Use this valuable and wide ranging experience only very few will have. Do look for a job that is of interest to you. Put in your best and move ahead.
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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello Madam I am 30 years old, I have been working as a marine Engineer in a ship from last 5 years. But my work is so frustrating that I don't want to do it anymore, but since I need money to feed my family I am doing this job, I have father mother and wife , who has expectations from me , sometimes I think I should do MBA but that too require preparation money and time , but I don't know whether I will be happy after that or not , can you help in deciding how should I navigate my life in career prospective, how can I find right career for myself Kindly guide me to the right path Thank you.
Ans: Hello!!
A marine engineer with over 5 yrs of experience must and should be earning a good salary which can take care of all his family members, right?
Salary wise you are in a good space. What is that is frustrating about your job? List them all out and go about eliminating them from your working life. For every frustration , add a solution against it, check if they are solvable, seek help if required to solve them. Trust me any job you seek there will always be something frustrating about it. You yourself rightly said that MBA and after that is no guarantee that you will be happy. So ponder deeply and check what is that you want your career to look like and feel like and go about achieving it. I am a great believer of putting everything on paper and mapping them to goals. All goals are achievable whether it pertains to career or family or any other goal you have in mind, you just have to lay a road map and start traveling on it. Have the courage to take that route, you don't know what is in store until unless you travel on it. I know your parents and wife have certain expectations of , how about asking yourself also, what is that you except of them and what is that you want out of your life. Be true to yourself also. The quality of your life is based on the quality of your choices and the quality of your relationships. Career is just one aspect of your life, it is a means of earning a livelihood. When you are at sea, see if you can make use of the peace to study and finish that MBA. I am mentioning this is to tell you that you either complain or be part of the solution. Create a WIN WIN, you just need a change of mindset to change frustration into opportunities. Hope this helps...
All the best!!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

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