
Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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